Fear is a deeply sacred energy. It feels almost encoded into our being to act as veil AND and portal into our essence as Love.
Recently, I had a beautiful experience of feeling an arising, embodied relationship to The Beloved and my Divine Self. A spark of Light and Love that is increasing within. As that expands and brightens, it acts as a poultice for all that is needing attention and transmutation into that very spark.
Pockets of anxiety, doubt, and fear come bubbling to the surface, like a moth that is drawn to a flame. It recognizes the growth, the warmth, and thus the ability to hold and receive love. At the root, Fear seems to be the change agent, not the anchor it once was.
Fear can be expressed in so many ways, both inbound and outbound. We live among a highly energized fear bubble. It is highly compressed and dynamic. With that energy afloat in the collective it can be hard to not pick up on it in our own emotional body.
This is where connecting with what we call the Divine Self comes into service. As I call to mine and connect with it/him, I can feel what my personal fear is about and how, or if, it is connected to the collective in any way. A sorting out process. I can feel how much the fear is centered around Death itself.
And by that I just don’t mean physical death, but that is a big one right now. It is also the death of a system of beliefs, assurances, and patterns that parts of us have grown attached to. They almost feel like us and so the death of them feels existential.
As we continue to be invited to more inner Utopia and less outer Dystopia, we need something to ‘hang our hats’ on while the collapse and shift is underway. The Divine Self is the enduring self. It is the Alpha and Omega. It is the net by which we collect all of the things that are essential and release those that are not.
The Divine Self is the aspect of us that can hold the parts that are fused to fear and create a bridge back to Itself. A feedback loop that doesn’t judge when the fear returns. Just offers more compassion and celebration, as that is just another opportunity to open to more Grace and closer to The Beloved.
Fear is no longer resisted or covered over. It is honored, felt deeply, and transmuted back to Love through the Divine Self. This is the ultimate alchemy of the sacred human. Let’s expand that together and see where it takes us, as one and as all.
Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator. Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.
I wrote this poem after having just the right day to open up my heart. Whenever this happens every space inside of me that feels like a void fills up with gratitude and appreciation of my environment and the people around me. I was reminded of why I tend to feel guarded around others and how good it feels to be intimate in relationship.
I am very good at being alone. I have always been independent and able to entertain myself quite easily. I thought recently that I would be happier and more opened out living on my own. But the fact that living with others is harder and scarier means it’s probably what I’m meant to be working.
I was feeling how it’s so easy to feel misunderstood or judged by others when you have that living inside of yourself. Whenever my insecurity was high, I found that it was harder to let others in and be vulnerable. I also remembered how much I love physical touch and how important it is to increase the intimacy in relationships. A lingering hug here, a friendly cuddle there. I always saved this for when I was in a romantic relationship because that’s where it felt safe and accepted.
But telling someone what they mean to you and showing physical affection are two things that are bound to be scary. It means you are seeing the other and therefore “risk” being seen yourself. This can bring up a lot of fear if a sense of lack or unworthiness lives inside of you.
I have a big desire to go to the next place in all of my relationships in order to work this push pull inside of me when it comes to intimacy. This poem illustrates the feeling I had of that!
In the moments that my heart splits open
Gratitude fills every atom of my soul
My body sways with tenderness and care
I want to wrap my arms around every lonely heart
Connecting to oneness and collective love
My fingers trace the edges of my frame
It runs along every crack
It fills my emptiness with loving energy
It brings out the softness underneath the surface
Soft vulnerability is hard to show
The sweet caress of your own beauty
Uniquely separate from those around you
Yet intertwined in insecurity and fear
I feel overwhelmed by the thought of my loved ones
The way they move through life
The way they see and care for me
When I can’t see myself
You are so brave, dear one
To be a bright green growth
In a grey sidewalk crack
Constantly fearing the underside of passing steps
The shadow side of humanity
I see you, I feel you
I want you, I need you
I feel scared to tell you
That I admire you
And hope you admire me too
We are living into a big crescendo right now, especially pushed up by the coming Equinox and this trinity of Supermoons. I keep being offered to call this crescendo ‘Peak Fear’ and that’s certainly what it feels like is happening. We are living into a dark time where the rumble of awakening out of 3D slumber and into lower 4D awarenesses is understandably pushing up fear.
The fear though is not so much coming from a need to fear what’s on the outside and how what’s rumbling in the collective will affect you personally. The fear is actually a reaction to what’s been in your personal shadow and is now coming up to be witnessed, felt, and ultimately loved UP. The fear of seeing timelines/lifetimes where your personal Metasoul has been involved in some of the terrible crimes that are actually quite triggering for you in this moment… yet, it’s surfacing because it’s time to not blame others for the state of the world and to begin taking responsibility, finding forgiveness and love inside so that you can feel compassion for what’s happening outside.
This is not an easy process, to really feel through these darker timelines of which your soul has been a part. Yet, we’re all invited to inhabit this sometimes daunting and heavy task with a pace we’re ready for. It feels like opting to go on journeys via Ayahuasca or Peyote or any other methods of inducing these sort of processes could add to the trauma of suddenly being thrust into these timelines of darkness, yet, if this is something you feel drawn to it may be important to go into it this way. The only piece here is to remember to hold self-love around it and to have a self-loving plan for integration and space for processing what you’ve now unearthed.
This whole process of unearthing and remembering could be much more step-by-step and self-lovingly held and paced if you choose to access your Gatekeeper first, who holds the keys to these alternate and other lifetime realities alive and well in your soul. It’s through getting to know them and negotiating with them that you can begin the descent into your inner cave, unveiling the dark and the light in your personal Metasoul. Here is a guided meditation from Jelelle to help you meet this aspect of you and to start the process of getting to know them too:
I personally have not been drawn to the intensity of plant-induced journeys and have preferred the pace of self-negotiated steps facilitated by an open-hearted other who has also been there. Yet, this is what my soul has gravitated towards with having experienced many lifetimes of these induced journeys for the sake of being an oracle, psychic, etc. and may not be what you actually need at this time.
What we’re intending to heal as a collective cannot be healed by pointing fingers. This method of shaming and blaming hasn’t worked yet in our ‘history’ to genuinely change the world we live in and how it operates. We cannot fire guns (figuratively or literally) and expect to find prolonged, sustainable peace, unless the parts of you that are attached to gunfire being the answer are deeply felt and given the love they so desperately want and need.
We cannot continue to ask world leaders to hold and give us the answers when they themselves haven’t gone inward to find what’s really going on inside of themselves or their own souls. More and more leadership is being invited out from inside of you, starting with leading your own explorations into the shadow that continues to be illuminated by what you’re hearing about, reading about, and reacting to on the outside.
The beautiful thing about all of this, is that we aren’t being asked to do it alone. We aren’t actually being asked to go deep into the desert and suffer for our ‘sins’ or find penitence and to strive for forgiveness from outside of us. We are already forgiven. We are already loved, despite it all, because we have needed to walk all of these timelines out for the sake of discovery, learning, growth, and the path back to the love we’ve come from and simply ARE. Now though… now we have the choice about what we want to do with this information and we can choose to be curious instead of fused to the same reality of Peak Fear we’ve been witnessing and perpetuating in different ways.
Much love to you as you feel into whatever your shadow is illuminating for you… I, myself, am curious too about where this exploration will take me next, for there are ALWAYS gifts to integrate from even the darkest of places we must go within and I trust deeply that I will not be the same person (in a really good way) on the other side of each journey inward.
Shades drawn. That is what it has felt like for a part of me the past week or so. A lot of preparing and doing during this timeline shift. It is an arrival of something longed for yet something difficult to let in. A part of me choking on goodness, love, and joy. The fear of losing this Garden of Eden, this Paradise once again. So the fear projects. It searches for what could happen to be denied and rejected. This creates its own loop and illuminates another place in my soul to explore. To invite into a relationship with myself and Love. But it does struggle to let that in. To trust it all.
As each of us takes on this journey of deep soul healing, challenges come right at the point of actually getting what you have always wanted. This is where, for some of us, the value of our Being comes into full view. It is a subtle consciousness that can take down all that has been strived for and desired. The collapse of a relationship, the rejection of a soul gift, or the judgment of our most vulnerable intentions. Our worth, our power, our deepest treasures are tender things that are fiercely guarded and protected, even to the point of not having them at all.
So it is this time when we go into the recess of our deepest fears and regrets to find that subtle consciousness within and connect. Listen. Hold. Sometimes you go off radar to the outside in order to catch the nuances of this energy. But it is important to not disappear, as easy as that can be at times. I have had to do that with this aspect of me. It is used to being in hiding. In the shadow. And being so close to my inner treasure, it has been very protective and guarded. All for very good reasons that I hold with compassion.
This is part of my healing. My growth. My own self-love realization that I am a gift to myself and the world. That I have edges, shadows, and fears. But the most important thing for these parts of me to feel is that they are not alone, nor forsaken. But rather whole and forgiven.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
I don’t know how deeply I have ever truly appreciated the journey of loving your fear until now. It’s a whole other layer of awakening when we can get to this place of realizing that it even IS a journey… and of course it is… look at the intensity of what happens as we awaken into lower 4D frequencies specifically, where we start to feel and even experience the pain of the collective and ourselves too on a whole other bandwith… that alone is a lot to wade through and it can feel like learning to walk all over again to find our way into digestion and integration of these realizations and awakenings. Feeling and loving our fears is all part of the package in order to truly ascend past this stage.
As ironic as it may sound, it feels like one of our deepest lessons is surrendering into feeling our fears and not just “dealing” with them in order to “ascend”. Until we can really feel the fear, we can’t understand its reasons for being there and the parts of us that have truly held it as their dominant reality… and therefore, it doesn’t get truly transmuted and healed, just paved over, coped with, ignored, until we can no longer ignore it.
For me, there has been so much fear around self-image, around becoming invisible, about never feeling like I (or parts of me) are truly powerful in the way they and I most want to be… it becomes a process of feeling the fear that this is just always going to be true. That this reality is all that’s real. What I’m discovering though is that it’s the dropping of the veil around my fears that helps me feel how I have all the power I need in order to be with them and love them like there’s no tomorrow… and, feel the power there is in the surrender to just simply feeling and also letting go of or taking space from whatever/whoever necessary in order for the fears and anxieties to just take centre stage in my inner world until they can feel all the love they need to feel to start feeling something different.
As I briefly journaled before bed last night, I shared with a beloved guide of mine that I feel afraid of “going backwards” in my process, which really is a complicated fear actually, as there are a number of things wrapped up in this for me and parts of me. She offered simply that there is no “going backwards” and that this is actually too linear of a way to think about process. Instead, she offered that I can think of it as “going INward”.
I feel this as an aspect of my personal process right now yet felt to share it too, as I can feel an important reframe of the ways in which many of us may feel about process and moving through life. There really are no “setbacks”, just new journeys and chances to regroup and reboot, maybe also reevaluate the current course too. These phases are true gifts that help us all feel where we are most authentically at and who we would most like to become on the other side of the tougher inner spaces and processes.❤️
My beloveds offer powerful, illuminating (and so affordable) space holding and facilitation if you’d like some support on your own journey through these themes and more… more info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions ❤️