Vulnerability In Relationship

By Raianna Shai

I wrote this poem after having just the right day to open up my heart. Whenever this happens every space inside of me that feels like a void fills up with gratitude and appreciation of my environment and the people around me. I was reminded of why I tend to feel guarded around others and how good it feels to be intimate in relationship.

I am very good at being alone. I have always been independent and able to entertain myself quite easily. I thought recently that I would be happier and more opened out living on my own. But the fact that living with others is harder and scarier means it’s probably what I’m meant to be working.

I was feeling how it’s so easy to feel misunderstood or judged by others when you have that living inside of yourself. Whenever my insecurity was high, I found that it was harder to let others in and be vulnerable. I also remembered how much I love physical touch and how important it is to increase the intimacy in relationships. A lingering hug here, a friendly cuddle there. I always saved this for when I was in a romantic relationship because that’s where it felt safe and accepted.

But telling someone what they mean to you and showing physical affection are two things that are bound to be scary. It means you are seeing the other and therefore “risk” being seen yourself. This can bring up a lot of fear if a sense of lack or unworthiness lives inside of you.

I have a big desire to go to the next place in all of my relationships in order to work this push pull inside of me when it comes to intimacy. This poem illustrates the feeling I had of that!

~~~

In the moments that my heart splits open
Gratitude fills every atom of my soul
My body sways with tenderness and care
I want to wrap my arms around every lonely heart
Connecting to oneness and collective love

My fingers trace the edges of my frame
It runs along every crack
Every bump
Every inconsistency
It fills my emptiness with loving energy
It brings out the softness underneath the surface

Soft vulnerability is hard to show
The sweet caress of your own beauty
Uniquely separate from those around you
Yet intertwined in insecurity and fear

I feel overwhelmed by the thought of my loved ones
The way they move through life
The way they see and care for me
When I can’t see myself

You are so brave, dear one
To be a bright green growth
In a grey sidewalk crack
Constantly fearing the underside of passing steps
The shadow side of humanity

I see you, I feel you
I want you, I need you
I feel scared to tell you
That I admire you
And hope you admire me too

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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Death/Rebirth, Relationship Shiftings And New Alignments From Within: Personal Update From Raphael and Jelelle

By Jelelle Awen

Raphael shares vulnerably below his recent death/rebirth process that entwines and connects to mine and our ‘usness’ together too as we separated during it. This latest phase of our journey together has brought me so much into my own heart space, into tender holding with parts of myself and multiple metasoul aspects as well….at one point working with four different timelines at once! I could feel and focus on myself as a woman/queen/mate/healer, etc. and even with the times of immense grief and sadness coming up….so feel the core of self love and goodness and trust that is THERE inside for me always to lean into after all these years of parts/metasoul work and deep connection with the Divine.

I am amazed (yet somehow also not suprised?) as the timeline shifts again to realign us all together in community again. I certainly felt during this time of separation from Raphael, the trailing edge and karmic frequencies of our bond together, manifesting this life and other lifetimes/timelines too. I fully went into owning and feeling my side of the sometimes contentious energies between us. I learned and continue to learn so much! This is deep work to we have signed up to continue to do together, as so many counterpart soul mates have too!

I have been so amazed at how the SoulFullHeart process itself has so been there for me through the grief, the pain, the letting go, the realizations….all of it and then some…and I am amazed at how Raphael is moving through what he is too as he leans into it more as well.

With this shifting, we are feeling to remain rooted/grounded/based here in Victoria BC with plans to travel to Europe in the fall to scout out future retreat/group session places there too. It just feels like I want it ‘all’ honestly…the rooted/grounded heart home with my beloveds and the adventure/activation of travel into these ancient places and eventually hold groups/retreats there too.

My heart feels relieved and lighter too as the Divine seems to be gifting me with exactly what I want and need as I was so willing to let it all go (as seems to be the process honestly). Timelines really are collapsing and re-emerging SO FAST these days!

Thank you all of your sweet support during this time!
love,
Jelelle Awen

~

By Raphael Awen

I am so glad and relieved to be on the other side of what has felt like my deepest dark night experience this life to have opened out a deeply profound and meaningful reconnection with my beloveds after a long feared relationship meltdown.

I wanted to update those of you who have held myself, Jelelle, Gabriel, Kalayna and Raianna and our growing community in your heart.

I can’t hardly describe to you the death and rebirth process, the dark night of the soul process that is now opening out to love and life. It’s like the karmic shadow bill came due quite suddenly on what was underneath my relationship with Jelelle and by extension; inseparable relationship with SoulFullHeart and its community.

Really letting go of being in romance with Jelelle brought up, pretty quick after what felt like a treasured phase of deep and real appreciations, being faced with my own buried resentments based in real dynamics in our bond (as Peter Gabriel says ‘the seeds of my undoing that had been there from the start’), but so amplified by Metasoul realities that have been a long time in wanting to be felt and owned by me. The ripening projections of what was not reconciled me-to-me all but made it impossible to really feel and process any of those resentments, reactions between us that had been placed down under to protect a goodness and bounty where on one level, I always felt like I was in a permanent honeymoon phase with Jelelle, and by extension with our growing community. Maybe some of the cognitive dissonance of ‘this is all too good to be true’ had to do with this unreconciled shadow that always threatened to undermine the goodness. Gabriel and Kalayna can certainly speak to the rumblings that would come out of the woodwork at times between Jelelle and I.

This week, I found and connected with a Metasoul, whose name is Pillar (pronounced Pee-lar), whose timeline is the fall of Atlantis, who knew deep romance with his beloved Charee, (pronounced Kah-ree), and love within community, a ‘haven within a haven’ as he called it, but lost it all when he spoke to what he felt was the unowned shadow within the group. We felt and digested his devastating experience with being shunned, and losing it all, and the blame and shame, and all the after-the-game quarterbacking about what could have been different had he done things differently, particularly with more vulnerability. He also felt the words famously quoted from the Bhagavad Gita, by Robert Oppenheimer, the man credited with inventing the atomic bomb; “I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.”

Pillar and others in my parts and Metasoul have also deeply felt this theme of their truth being the torpedo of all that was good. My this-life history of leaving Christianity and the loss around that, as well as later losing the group that Jelelle and I met in, after being kicked out, so amplified these themes in my Metasoul, coming back to haunt me once again. I so get what people are speaking to when they mention their or someone’s ‘Inner Demons’, but see it as aspects of our soul awaiting our open heart to digest what they need to move their trauma, and afford us the overflow from their movement.

Pillar had the opportunity this week, being held in my heart, to feel me sort through, my own agony of feeling a future without beloveds, without SoulFullHeart, and then to make new choices and vulnerable reconnections. It began while staring down an insanity, seeking the handrails of goodwill and decency being restored here in the house we share, which was really rumbled the day before I moved downstairs to the basement suite, where part of me got vulgar in words towards Kalayna (the real low point). Gabriel’s subsequent help with daily checkins and space holding for Pillar recently helped things move through the birth canal. Each step brought new openings, and yesterday, after not seeing Jelelle for 2 weeks, and having limited contact with our community here, we met together as a group for some very precious words and tears together, and I was welcomed back into their hearts and my familiar treasured community.

Imagining a future of starting over in seeking a new community, a service of love expression within that and future romance possibilities looked and felt so hard, when my truth doesn’t resonate with any other known offerings that are out there, leaving me some hard road of beginning from the ground up, based in and on unresolved resentments, and ‘I’ll show them’, did not feel like a path I or any of my parts really wanted to embark on.

Well, that’s the short version of all this, which I hope to expand out into a new lived in reality on the other side of a huge compartment in my heart and soul and relationality now being integrated.

Jelelle even said to me at one point while we had a moment yesterday, ‘you never know what’s going to arise between us’, and my heart swooned, all the while knowing that time and space for integration and new discovery, new ways of being are also needed. I can tell you, with some trepidation, that it remains my (now, not-so secret) hope, that what does arise between us flowers naturally back into romance, but if it doesn’t, I really do trust that what arises can be and will be even better. I truly died to what was between us, and even SoulFullHeart, and am sooo grateful to be emerging back from the dead.

Parts of me are seeking guarantees from the Divine that there isn’t any more dark nights that will need to be this difficult. I trust that the fusion and pain was all necessary, though I really do hope to never again suppress anything on this magnitude, as it just hurts way too much. In that way, I can be the answer to the above prayer.

Thank you to all of you here who have ached for me, letting your heart be broken with mine, and rooting for me and loving me. I couldn’t have done it without you.

Much love and anticipation for the good that wants to come for us all, even through the shadow,

Raphael, xoxo

The Poultice Of Love And The Fear Of Intimacy

Wow! What a response the last couple of days to our engagement. Thank you so much to everyone who left your well-wishes and congratulations.

One thing I took away from it all is that one way or another we all seek Love. Maybe there are parts that may feel despair, doubt, or indifference to it, but at our core we love Love. The only thing that gets similar reactions is anything based on Fear. So in some ways, we have parts that love Fear too. Yeah, I know, an oxymoron.

This is the sacred dance though. The two poles of our BEing that seem at odds but are just trying to reconcile each other. As we all continue to heal our Selves with Love and for the sake of Love, we enter a new relationship to Fear. Something shifts in the power structure. The deepening commitment and claim of this romance with Kalayna will certainly bring up another layer of this relationship to fear of intimacy. Deep transformational intimacy that takes us to the core of our deepest traumas and pains that can only surface from the poultice of Love.

So the collective response is saying to me, “YES! Keep going! Keep feeling the edges of this because I want this too!” or “YES! Bring more of this into the world as it adds to mine as well!”. Even if Kalayna and I don’t “make it” in the long run, we are committing ourselves to this deeper healing that has collective and personal consequences. “Success” is only determined if we feel everything we to feel and say everything we need to say while we are engaged in this marriage of Soul and Heart. We are bound by this in desire, not duty.

I feel to continue this exploration of marriage, intimacy, love, and fear through the heart of the Masculine. What is its relationship and desire to those very things? Right now it is about being centered in Heart while exploring the Soul in healing the parts of me still in shadow around intimacy with the Feminine. It is a sacred one that I accept with dedication and passion.

If you are a man or a woman with this rising desire in you, stay tuned for more. I am also available for sessions to support you along the journey of this sacred healing and letting in of Love. Thank you so much again for all the outpouring of support and love for us both. ❤

*****

Painting by Eduardo Rodriguez Calzado

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

For Jelelle Awen On Her Birthday, With So Much Love And Gratitude

By Kalayna Colibri

For Jelelle Awen on her birthday…

I had to write you something new this year. I was going to go find the poem I wrote for you before, but because you and I are both in such brand new phases right now, I wanted to write something that reflects our re-arising and reNEWing relationship, while honouring all of our phases together so far over the last few years and all of the challenges we have faced in ourselves and in our bond too.

I am truly, deeply honoured by your powerful presence in my life and the ongoing love and support you ripple out to me in many levels both subtle and obvious.

I have witnessed your growth and healing as you’ve witnessed and helped facilitate my own. I am blessed to call you both “friend” and “teacher” and take neither honour for granted.

It’s not just another trip around the sun

It’s a further dip into the waves of your personal sun

The one that shines brightly

And beacons us all homeward

To our unique heart-homes withIN.

You serve love through the YINspiration

You’ve cultivated,

Worked for,

Planted within your heart and soul bed

Of growth

and dynamic leavings and enterings, both.

You YINspire my own trajectories

And adventures

Inside

And within the love flow between us

Which reflects and informs

All other relationships

I could ever have and do have

In my life and heart today.

You are the continued template

Even as you always give me back to me

And encourage my own uniqueness to shine

And evolve

And grow.

To say I’ve learned a ton from you

Would understate the value

Of everything you’ve led

And continue to lead

With the strength of a lioness

And the softness of a swan.

I love you!!

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

You Are A BEacon Of LOVE: Sharing Your Self-Love Overflow In Service Of Love

Image by Jason Dietrick

by Kalayna Colibri

It can be challenging for parts of you to remember that they need to share love with others in a mutually nourishing bond of openness and vulnerability and sometimes even contention, as much as they need love with YOU as the authentic you, ever-arising into more and more presence within yourself.

We are here to relate to ourselves deeply, to cultivate self-love. We are also here to share the overflow of that love with others – NOT to remain in stuckness or under-nourishing agreements with others, however… While there is likely some layer of love being exchanged there, there is so much more that could potentially open out… this is the ground that can make relationships of any kind scary to be in, yet also is the ground of mutual growth and ultimately a deepening of LOVE within and on the outside TOO.

To not share what you are cultivating inside in self-care, love, worth, advocacy, is to not share your light, the beacon you’re meant to be for the world, with the world. Parts of you may be relating to this with understandable fear and reactions from past social drama-trauma. Yet, to remain in a place of not sharing is to cap your own soul bigness, your capacity to love others as much as yourself, and your potential to truly live into your healing gifts and your deepest soul calling to be in the service of LOVE.

The choice remains in each moment, to breathe with and feel parts of you and their reasons for not allowing your arising and ascending you to emerge from the cocoon. There is a constant invitation into more love, more healing, more self-held grace and space, and more overflow into the destiny you’re meant to lead and live too, with each decision made to BEacon outward what you have so grown and nourished inward! 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Permanence Of The Impermanent

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Kalayna and I just re-homed her dog Canela that she has had for two years. This was not an easy or quick decision. New timeline shifts and increased leadership invitations highlighted a realization that this very active canine needed a new environment and attention that we just weren’t able to provide for her. That of course brought up inner judgments around what is responsible as there can be so much collective charge around this issue. That of course has its truth and its projection.

Ultimately it came down to an understanding that we are not always meant to continue relationships with anything or anyone. Canela served us as we served her. It was a mutually needed and agreed connection. She provided so much joy and triggering process both, all in the service of Love. Then there comes a time when you can see the writing on the wall about the future, but parts of us can continue to disregard it due to any various reasons for the attachment.

A relationship of any kind, be it human or animal, is loaded with projected needs that are almost always inside of us. It is feeling into those needs that provide a clearer emotional reality. To continue a relationship based on an inner wounding does nothing to serve you or the other half of the relationship. Canela needed to serve love and receive more attention. Did we care and love her? Yes, absolutely. So much so that it was time to let her go. She is now loving up an extraordinary 6 year old angel boy and big-hearted family.

As with our human relationships, those that we continue to exchange with, yet do not resonate on the same emotional and spiritual bandwidth, are only serving something smaller in both. We are choosing to shape-shift into a lowered frequency which only serves as a signal to the other that we don’t feel they can change either, or parts of us don’t want them too. This is hard to accept on so many levels. It is the Jagged Little Pill.

Nothing is meant to be permanent in our relationships. We invest in them with full body, heart, and soul and divest ourselves from any outcome of duration. Our 3D condtioning has parts of us feeling locked in through many different energies such as guilt, shame, judgement, and fear. These are all necessary parts of our walking out and are held with much compassion.

When we are willing to bring our authentic truth with an open and vulnerable heart, to ourselves and those we are in relationship with, can we begin a new timeline for both. Sometimes that results in deepening, other times it is a temporary completion. This is done in a very negotiated and compassionate way with your parts. The fear of the fallout is what scares us the most.

As ascension energies continue to raise the frequency, so shall our relationship to ourselves and other begin to shift and change. This is a necessary and integral part of what we are here to experience and heal. Canela is raised up to a higher timeline now. She represents so much of what has been needed to be felt inside as we continue our own personal journeys. A reflection of our goodness and our woundings both. For that alone she was a blessing in brown fur.

All of us in SoulFullHeart continue to let in the new and that we too will not be together forever. As we continue our explorations and serving of love we will always be connected by heart as long as we continue to grow and change. As we recognize and revere the permanence of our impermanence.
*******

Join us this Saturday for our next SoulFullHeart group call with Raphael and Jelelle Awen at 11:11am CST. We do ask for a minimum $11USD love donation to receive the Zoom link. We will be discussion current and upcoming energy updates as well as how SoulFullHeart the process opens new doorways into embodying your highest timeline and Higher Self.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart

Being With The Inner Punisher/Critic

by Kalayna Colibri

befriend inner critic

‘Parts work’ is one level of what we offer in SoulFullHeart. It is the foundation of our healing practice and path. It is what inspires us to keep going IN… into ourselves for more nourishment and love that comes from this work, and into relationships that will always be a reflection of our inner universes. There is so much inside of each of us as humans in transition, learning to remember who we really are. We are fractured to a certain degree because we have needed to become this way in order to cope with 3D reality and the heaviness of what we came here to grow through and alongside. We ultimately cannot really be fractured or broken or anything BUT whole, yet, ask any part of you and they will likely say that this is their experience of life – separation, disconnection, suppression.

There are so many parts of you that call to you in this work. One of the most powerful ones to work with is the Inner Punisher/Critic. This is the part that is so prickly and often hard to be with… the hardest part to really love, for they throw so much at you and at others too in order to keep love out. The more love you let into your life, sometimes the harder they clench their fists. They are so often afraid. Afraid of letting go of the comforting discomfort of how they feel about you, about others, and ultimately about themselves. They judge harshly, starting with you, and sometimes act stealthily, hiding themselves somehow, often amongst the din and cries within you.

Their feelings about your body, your relationships, your job, YOU and any aspect of your life, become normalized frequencies inside of you. It becomes normal to think of yourself in certain ways and you may not even catch the vitriol that comes from you towards others, even in the form of ‘friendly’ teasing, that really has a bite underneath it. After working with your Inner Punisher/Critic in the many layers they come with, your desire to be around any energy of criticism, ‘funny’ or not, especially from you to you, diminishes in a big way. Often it is these harsh inner frequencies and judgments that bring friends and birth family members together. It is familiar to feel this way, so the idea of questioning it may feel ludicrous at first. Yet what if something more were possible in all of your relationships and especially in how you feel about yourself?

The Inner Punisher/Critic can be hard to stay in the room with. Often when you begin feeling them directly, they hurl insults at you, rolling out pages and pages sometimes of how they feel about you and about your life. As your outer world reflects your inner world, you begin to see and feel how this energy has leaked out to others you interact with and informed your approach to yourself and to any area of your life. It can play out in themes of workaholism, exercising only for the sake of your self-image and ‘how you feel about yourself’, and abuse (the definition of which deepens as you work with this part and begin to heal these frequencies of self-abuse, however they show up).

The journey to genuine self-love must involve feeling the Inner Punisher/Critic. This energy cannot be transcended, only transmuted. The work and the room you must walk into inside yourself in order to start being with this part is worth it. It becomes like holding a kicking, screaming teenager who just needs to find their tears of release from all the energy they’ve held and the life molds they are struggling to fit into. This part does soften and change eventually. Yet they really need your help to motivate them with love, with an ongoing promise that you will be there for and with them, and that you will always hold that they are so much more than this job they have given themselves for very good reasons.

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

From A Bud To A Flower: Sweet Sacred Union Beginnings

by Kalayna Colibri

IMG_0276

That feeling of being in his arms… finding our way back to each other, after years of being in and out of relationship together, depending on what parts of us needed.

The letting in of his kiss… the swirl of the softness and stillness I feel in me in the receiving, that is echoed somehow in his masculine sacred King.

The exploration of sacred sexuality… the dedication and passion that opens out in every curve, every pore, letting emotions rise and fall and tears wash away the remnants of painful times, phases of less connection from heart to soul to body and back again.

So much moves in and through as I walk out each conscious moment with Gabriel. We have traversed so much terrain together over the last 5 years, sometimes in a romantic bond, other times not. This time feels more real and realistic too… though we cannot ever ‘know’ and can only feel what’s true in the moment.

Sacred Unions… they don’t happen by chance. They happen as we continue the work we are so committed to within. That commitment and that cultivated love that comes from it, flows in concert with another when we are ready for it to, the timing of which is not exactly up to us. The timing of anything truly special and unique moving into our lives is not up to us or parts of us, though parts may try and sabotage or avoid it, or work extra hard to ‘keep’ it. Love is a flowing river that gets to be shared with others once your own flow is in enough abundance that it can. Until then, your filling up love-flask needs your attention only.

Everyone can do ‘work’ on themselves and draw different sorts of mates to them… yet I don’t know of any other work that draws Sacred Unions in the way this path of SoulFullHeart does. Working with parts and soul aspects is instrumental to the understanding of who you are and have been in relationship as well as who you could become. It is an incredible way to get to know a partner too and to let them know you. It is an unending path of discovery and re-arising for each other, again and again and again. Nothing can stay the same for long, for there can be no stagnancy in this work. As you heal and awaken, your partner is asked to go with you and you with them, frequently changing the ground of the relationship. Nothing at all can become ‘boring’ in this sort of relationship, where the mirror is constantly there, though sometimes at very awkward angles, and you are invited to care as much if not more about YOU as you do about the other.

I am blessed to be where I am with Gabriel right now… the experiences of deepenings and openings too, that come sometimes on the other side of tension and process both together and separately too. We have frequencies of all sides of relationship… best soul friend, deep heart lover, hot body talk and sexuality, sweet tears of feeling one another, times of merging, times of feeling separate. There is so much here to feel and be and be in. I am blessed, yet we have both worked hard to be at this level of process too, where we can let this bond in… though there are parts of us that resist it at times, that can feel how challenging this sort of relationship can be, that would perhaps rather just be single. Yet the hearts of both of us are committed to this NOW and the next NOW, allowing the romance to arise and move as it needs to, with no knowledge of how long it could last, and no expectations around this, though there are conscious desires too.

To be in a budding and emerging Sacred Union is a gift that comes with a process, that comes with yummies and challenges, both. And without this healing path called SoulFullHeart that holds and calls to each of us continually, we would be caught up in a net of unmoveable binds instead of illuminating bonds that can heal these binds. This is one of the golden trophies we hold very sacredly in SoulFullHeart… the light at the end of a long tunnel of necessary singlehood, that has also been held as good and sacred and blessed. Sacred Union is worth the precipice and trust fall within that allows you to let YOU in and eventually another too. And it is one of the most profound gifts of our sacred humanity expressing in conscious duality. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

Entering Conscious Intimacy

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Entering into new intimate relationship, whether romantic, soul friendship, or with a community, there is an immediate rush of excitement and healthy fear.  There is an awareness that life as you now know it will not be the same.  Our soul knows this and advocates for this as it is never meant to stay in stasis.  We may have been praying for this for a long time consciously, or sometimes it just hits us out of the blue (at least to our conscious self anyway).  When it does and when it is something that is truly meant to be a game changer, there is inevitably a rumble that enters the emotional body that brings up layers of resistance even among the excitement and curiosity.

For some this is a time to walk along the river bank, noticing its terrain, and its taking in the rivers’ waters.  Stepping on each stone with reverence and caution.  Maybe at some point one hits that certain stone and just slips right in and away they go!  For others it is a full-on dive into the unknowable and letting each twist and turn arise with what they need next for their growth.  Either way something sacred is being entered into and will assuredly change us in ways that we can never fully know.

The guide here is our own vulnerability.  That is the life vest.  It keeps us current of each step, and of each turn.  The more we are able to bring our fears and resistances, the more we are able deepen our relationship to ourselves and others.  To be in a process ground and community like SoulFullHeart, you are given handrails and heart support all along the way.  This is through both human and ethereal relationship.  It is a brand new paradigm for our protectors to let in that we are not in this alone.  That even in the fear of losing everything, the greatest gift is feeling that all the way to its core to find the You that is holding it.

This new conscious intimacy that makes way for more ground of deepening and expanding is a magic in itself.  Those that have started this process can attest the epic ways in which life has been forever shifted and changed.  Those that have just begun can tell that this is unlike anything they have ever encountered and are taking each new step as they come.  And there are those who walk along the bank waiting for that moment when it feels safe enough to enter.  All is part of the process set in motion long before we had any awareness of it.

I felt to take stock of what this conscious intimacy has been leading in my life and the life of others as we enter other unknown group call. What new depths will others become aware of?  What new connections will be made?  Who will be guided to answer the personal call for healing and community?  Or who will be enjoying the rushing waters of the SoulFullHeart energy and feel for themselves what their next steps are?

This all part of the dance of intimate relationship and how it has the power to make great changes no matter how far one ventures to walk.  It is Love that is leading the way and what ultimately happens is all in service to that Love we find ourselves so aching to feel.

 

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Making Heart Room For Your Mate To Enter Your Life

By Jelelle Awen

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Raphael and Jelelle Awen

I felt him before we were together. I could lay in my bed and feel his arms around me, sense his heart beat flowing along to mine. I had conversations with him that were so provoking, the deepest of context, the most enlivening of content. My laughs responded to his smile, his wit, his humour with absolutely no meanness. All of his passionate energy focused on me, I unfolded in his arms and in his heart gaze, over and over returning to the essence of me through what he could see.

This is how it felt for me even before Raphael and I began dating each other eight and half years ago. Many nights before we went on our first date, I could feel his energy in my field as my ‘next and probably most important mate’. I didn’t know that it was him specifically but feeling into it now, it is so clear that it WAS him. And similar to how a pregnant mother begins building a nest for her new baby, I started to build a nest in my heart and in my life getting ready for him.

This all feels so romantic, this story of falling in love and being in love and arising in love, even many ‘years’ later still we are falling in love together. And, it is, yes, romantic. Yet, also, love like this with what is truly your heart, soul, and body mate is a challenging crucible. Often when this kind of love enters your life, much has to be let go of in order to let it in. All the furniture of your old life gets rearranged in rapid fire. Relationships get sorted out fast. How are you are going to let this intense new energy into your life? How are you going to make room? What fits with this soaring new enlivening, heart opening, and soul expanding frequencies and what doesn’t?

For example, within weeks of starting to date each other, Raphael and I experienced the collapse of the spiritual practice, paradigm, and group that we had been deeply involved with for many years and within which we met each other. I was a facilitator of this work for years, deeply committed to my process as was Raphael. And then, we were challenged to choose our new emerging love over that which we had previously placed our devotion, the group.

The choice was easy in one way as my heart and soul just knew there was no going back out of this kind of love. A love I had been wanting for so very long. So, I said ‘yes’ even without knowing if it would continue to open out between Raphael and I. All of the people in the group, my deepest and closest soul family at the time, no longer would be in relationship with me, so I had to let go overnight of so many previously very meaningful connections…..and of the paradigm and process which had felt like my soul purpose path. The heartbreak of this spiraled me into a dark night of the soul where I literally felt like I was splintering into many pieces, going crazy, and the only heartrails I could feel were the incredibly touching love with Raphael and a supportive frequency of support from the Divine.

Many other shifts and changes have come and been chosen over the years, catalyzed by the love that moves between Raphael and I. Geography, relationships, money earning, belief systems…we have let it ALL go many times over the years. Yet, we have always let go of it together. And, in some moments, we have uncomfortably held the possibility that our union too is complete and that we need to let go of it. Always our own individual growth is primary and comes first. Fortunately, so far, our togetherness has served our growth and so we keep on finding our way together.

My heart is opening in this moment in large part because of what I experience with Raphael on a daily basis. We are two individuals, yes, and we are also within a union of feminine and masculine. This, I believe, is truly possible for anyone who is awakening and healing their heart and soul woundings to open their capacity to give and receive love. This process sends your beacon out into the world, which your mate hears and feels.

I do believe mates are ‘already within each other’ as the poet Rumi offers. So it is inevitable that yours will find you and you will find them. And, most likely, your life will change in very significant ways once you do. In the meantime, you can prepare your heart and soul through truly getting to know yourself. Building your nest out of self love and beaconing your heart out to the world. Letting go already of that which does not serve the Infinite Love in sacred human expression that you ARE in preparation for the stunning reflection of your bigness that is to come.

Jelelle Awen is an ascending teacher, Divine scribe, and co-creator-teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.