Vulnerability In Relationship

By Raianna Shai

I wrote this poem after having just the right day to open up my heart. Whenever this happens every space inside of me that feels like a void fills up with gratitude and appreciation of my environment and the people around me. I was reminded of why I tend to feel guarded around others and how good it feels to be intimate in relationship.

I am very good at being alone. I have always been independent and able to entertain myself quite easily. I thought recently that I would be happier and more opened out living on my own. But the fact that living with others is harder and scarier means it’s probably what I’m meant to be working.

I was feeling how it’s so easy to feel misunderstood or judged by others when you have that living inside of yourself. Whenever my insecurity was high, I found that it was harder to let others in and be vulnerable. I also remembered how much I love physical touch and how important it is to increase the intimacy in relationships. A lingering hug here, a friendly cuddle there. I always saved this for when I was in a romantic relationship because that’s where it felt safe and accepted.

But telling someone what they mean to you and showing physical affection are two things that are bound to be scary. It means you are seeing the other and therefore “risk” being seen yourself. This can bring up a lot of fear if a sense of lack or unworthiness lives inside of you.

I have a big desire to go to the next place in all of my relationships in order to work this push pull inside of me when it comes to intimacy. This poem illustrates the feeling I had of that!

~~~

In the moments that my heart splits open
Gratitude fills every atom of my soul
My body sways with tenderness and care
I want to wrap my arms around every lonely heart
Connecting to oneness and collective love

My fingers trace the edges of my frame
It runs along every crack
Every bump
Every inconsistency
It fills my emptiness with loving energy
It brings out the softness underneath the surface

Soft vulnerability is hard to show
The sweet caress of your own beauty
Uniquely separate from those around you
Yet intertwined in insecurity and fear

I feel overwhelmed by the thought of my loved ones
The way they move through life
The way they see and care for me
When I can’t see myself

You are so brave, dear one
To be a bright green growth
In a grey sidewalk crack
Constantly fearing the underside of passing steps
The shadow side of humanity

I see you, I feel you
I want you, I need you
I feel scared to tell you
That I admire you
And hope you admire me too

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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For Raianna: Happy 24th Birthday!

Dearest Raianna

The sweet goodness of your young woman’s heart

Blossoms and blooms more into a Queen’s countenance

With every step you make inward.

Your natural compassion and love for all

Inspires even the parts of me that still have some jadedness, however subtle.

You are a deep template for something that is as yet pretty unknown in this world

As it goes through its pangs of rebirth

And you navigate your own too…

It’s an honour to serve love WITH you

And feel how much that service serves me too.

From day one of holding space for you

I have felt nourished too

Because connecting to a soul and heart like yours

Is a precious opportunity

And a profound mirror

Of my own goodness

And a reminder

That empathy and care

Can be like breathing.

Thank you for all you’ve taught me and continue to teach me, even as I help you learn and see your own spirituality, your own parts, your own soul… your own gifts.

Your presence in my life

Is a gift that keeps on giving

And I treasure every single moment spent with YOU.

I love you!! 💖

Happy Birthday precious one!

Love,

Kalayna ❤️

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Energy Update: 12/12 Portal Invites Renewals & Completions


by Kalayna Colibri

Renewals and completions… this is a powerful invitation coming in through this 12/12 portal we’ve entered. Relationships especially seem to be highlighted right now and many questions are being asked about whether or not they are on healthy or even desirable ground. To feel if you want to deepen the ground is an aspect of ‘renewal’. Is there enough juice and attraction there, romantic or otherwise, to want to move WITH the relationship into your next phase of life and does it fit with your arising clarities about yourself, your heart and soul, and your path, or does it seem to no longer fit with what you’re feeling coming up for you?

This can be a time of many rumbles underneath the ground of any kind of relationship, where you’re being asked quite directly by the love you are if this is enough for you, prompting you to check in with your heart and parts to see if it really is or if there are other reasons why the ground has been kept alive this long. Relationships are intense and emotional crucibles, meant to be a reflection for where you’re at on your healing path and what you’re being invited to look at next inside of you. Being with the desire to complete an old ground is challenging and the process of doing so can be even more so… yet the beacon of what you most desire and what you’re coming to realize you most deserve to experience in relationships of any kind, is held by love, always…

It’s not a black and white picture when we talk about ‘completions’, as they are really the ending of one phase of life or a ground of your relationship within yourself or with another, not necessarily something that means an absolute finality. It can definitely feel this way though, especially if you’re choosing to separate from an abusive or highly toxic relationship with birth family, a lover, or even a close friend and your parts may want it to be a case of a closed and locked door on your side of the bridge. Sometimes this is really needed in the name of self-love, for the sake of your recovery and to collect the wounded parts of you back up again. However, there are other times where the process is to complete the old ground in the relationship so that a NEW one can arise in its place.

This is the sense of renewal and completion that is arising during this season and through this 12/12 portal… that we get the chance, in every moment, to feel if we want to continue with one thing or another or move into a reevaluation and transition into something new, starting INSIDE. Life may present you with opportunities for something new on the outside, yet the work continues within and this is the core place where the ground in any other area of your life can shift and change and evolve, not to mention heal.

If you feel drawn to have support during this time to help you feel the parts of you that are unsure of this next phase and what these energies are inviting for you personally, my beloveds and I would love to hold space for you: www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Much love to you as you feel through and navigate your own rumbles and movements as you continue your own journey of shedding old skin and moving into the new with brilliant butterfly wings emerging! ❤ 

~

Photo by Daoudi Aissa via unsplash.com

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

For Jelelle’s Birthday: To Jelelle Awen, As We Celebrate YOUR Day!

by Kalayna Colibri

bday collage for Jelelle 2017

For all that you hold and have held…

Thank you.

For all that you’ve been through, moved through, found your way to the other side through…

Thank you.

For your courage to be human AND spread your wings too…

Thank you.

For the beauty you are, that you have and that you add in every moment to this world…

Thank you.

For the realness and reality of your truest being, the messy, the light, the shadowy depths and the highest reaches of hallowed sweetness…

Thank you.

For your depths of creativity, your sacred feminine alchemy, your vulnerable, mesmerizing leadership…

Thank you.

For all those times of bringing me back in, bringing me your truth, opening your heart to more love and holding difficult though necessary boundaries that have helped both you and I grow SO much…

Thank you.

For your constant templating, your reminders of how to love and advocate for yourself…

Thank you.

For ALL of the double vision led NEWnesses of incoming rumbles that lead to sweeter lands and waters for true soul and heart substance and sustenance…

Thank you.

For all of the hugs, the reflections, the sessions, the guidance, the LOVE…

Thank you.

I feel as if I couldn’t thank you enough for all that your heart and soul have been and signed up for and walked through with me, with us, and on your own too. There’s no word beyond “thank you” in our spoken language, yet LOVE seems to be the one that surpasses it all…

So in love, with love, for love and by love… I LOVE you and LOVE that we get to share LOVE and grow in LOVE together.

Happy day of your human birth into this lifetime and this dimension, Soul, Heart and Energy BEing, Jelelle Awen! ❤