Category: Guides

Coming To Terms With Our Light And Our Dark

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

denial-article

By Raphael Awen

Coming to terms with the fact that I am both light and dark may be the single most growthful thing for me this life.

Like the cruise ship that I just watched enter the bay in the predawn light, I just discovered something of monumental proportions about my life.

I’ve always had a love for God, a desire to be in awe, and in reverence. This is something known about myself and that others around me can attest to. It’s part of my light.

But in a recent flow of tension and feeling into it, I felt into an aspect of a part of me feeling entitled to have and know power. The 30 year long career I left 2 years ago was a lot about having a sense of power in the face of life’s powerlessness and indefinability. While most wouldn’t call me materialistic, there was something about the things that money could buy that afforded me (and still do) a way to assuage this pain of powerlessness. Feeling deeper into this need for power hidden in my shadow, I find something very different to the reverence for God that I’ve always known in my light. Underneath the entitlement and need for power is actually an impulse to dethrone God.

Surrender to a higher or greater power leaves part of me in some ‘lesser than’ place struggling to see it as any more than that. So where else would I, or part of me, place this competition with God, but to hide it in my shadow.

What a pretzel! To have both love and hate for God in the same vessel, to revere God on one hand and to need to dethrone God on the other.

The more I come to know (also a kind of quest for power), the more I must surrender to that I don’t know.

It feels to me like the Divine itself is learning the same lessons I am learning. It too has darkness and light. None of it is bad. All of it is a quest to feel, heal, learn and grow in the only true reality there is of infinite love.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Sacred Femininity and SoulFullHeart Woman Video With Jelelle Awen

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

What is sacred femininity and SoulFullHeart Woman?

In this video, SoulFullHeart teacher Jelelle Awen talks to SoulFullHeart apprentice facilitator Leena Colibri about her perspective on the individual and collective expressions of femininity, which are actually mostly masculine in expression due to emotional and soul congestion blocks that form into subpersonalities or parts of us.

This dynamic can lead to women ‘self mating’ with this masculine side of themselves in expressions of warrior princess, priestess, and matriarchy tones, covering up the deeper feminine expressions of vulnerability, softness and stillness. Jelelle also offers the importance of sacred feminine templating from the Divine Feminine-Mother and to heal from wounded masculine templating from our primary female caregiver.

The arising of the authentic feminine is also an invitation for men to establish conscious connection with their inner femininity. Jelelle has facilitated female teens and women (and men) for several years and written three books about sacred femininity and her experiences with the Divine Mother. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about individual, couples, and group sessions with Jelelle and, for men, with her beloved mate Raphael.

Following Our Authentic Path To Draw Abundance: Meditation With Lakshmi

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

By Leena Colibri

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I felt drawn to meditate with Lakshmi* the other day, feeling like she would be an interesting energy to connect with around questions I’ve been holding about abundance and drawing money. I like that she doesn’t represent easy abundance but instead seems to show us that if we are in our dharma or on our life’s authentic path, abundance is a flow we will have access to. I’d never been drawn to meditate with her before, but I came across an image of her online and felt like she may have something to teach me.

What follows is the story of our meeting together…

I close my eyes and invite my angels to help me ascend to where I can meet Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of abundance. In a flash of light, I feel my soul rise to a higher stratum of existence, where I sit amongst what looks like baobab trees and there is a waterfall in the background. I see Lakshmi appear before me in a more woman-like form than most pictures of her depict. Her long, straight black hair is adorned with gold jewels and what seems to me like a beautiful and ornate tiara on top of her head that is quite enormous. She moves with grace and ease.

As we connect, I feel my heart searching for hers. She feels a bit distant and this could be because she is familiar to my soul, yet I haven’t explored much connection with her in this life. Plus, if my soul has experienced a lifetime (or several) in India, it is possible that humanizing her was against the rules, so feeling her heart may be difficult for a time. I don’t think much about this in the moment though, as any connection will do for now. I begin to ask her questions about whether or not I am blocking the abundance of money flow in my life. I acknowledge and let in the abundance I feel I am living into in many others ways, including the ways of love flow and spiritual awakening. She acknowledges this and I feel her warmth. She comes closer to me and places a gold coin in my right hand.

“Look at the coin,” she instructs me, “What do you notice?”

To my amazement, the gold layer begins to peel back to reveal a silver colour. Her message dawns on me…“Oh…so the value of money-abundance diminishes, yes?” I inquire, feeling like a good student in a small way, but mostly like an epiphany may happen at any moment.

“Yes…” she says, and vibes to me that she is not implying money has absolutely no value, only that it has less value than most people believe it does and that the value is not everlasting – It is temporary.

I see her face up close now, as she enters my field more so than before. She is beautiful with dark eyes, tanned brown skin with a golden hue, and a tender smile. She has a fiery energy that I resonate with, but also a sagely softness and stillness. I feel like she is enjoying this process with me, as I am not demanding answers or help, but requesting guidance and enjoying the process of connecting and transacting energy and love with her. Something about it feels natural, even though I am also having a completely new experience (or what feels new for me in this life).

Some time passes. I ask again about the flow of money and what my piece is in blocking it. I ask if there is anything else I can do to remove the block, though I can also feel that this may be a flow that I cannot control.

She offers that I look at the gold coin in my right hand again. The silver colour is now gone and it feels and looks like a more solid gold now. She instructs me to close my hand. Once I do this, she motions to my left hand, which is open with my palm facing upwards, just like my right hand was. A beautiful lotus flower appears with a golden hue and sparkles. She vibes to me the story of how receiving money is meant to transmute and flow outward into a beautiful creation like the lotus. In my case, and the case of my intimates, this flow has been love and spiritual openings, represented by the lotus.

I feel how our choices of money spending recently have been based in creating more of this love flow and bathing in it amongst ourselves and with others. Lakshmi seems to be offering me that this is supposed to happen – that money held on to for too long only diminishes its value. Its true value lies in what it is encouraged to transform into. This is comforting and validating, though a part of me still feels tension about when the money we are waiting for from my pay check will finally arrive. Lakshmi addresses this by offering that it “is much easier than I think” to draw money and that it really is arriving soon.

She puts my hands together in a prayer position in front of my heart and wraps a gold ribbon of energy around my hands. The energy and warmth flowing through my body feels like love, healing, and movement. It feels like a blessing. She tells me it IS a blessing, straight from her to me and to my community. She then tells me to open my hands again and hold them in front of me, ready to receive. Together we energize that everything I want and need is already here with me and that receiving money, or indeed any sort of abundance, is actually easy. I get the feeling that she can make almost anything feel easy, yet I trust her when she tells me this too.

As we part, I feel her honouring my heart and soul and all I am living into. I feel her blessing upon me and the blessing of being in her presence run through my body. She is with me still as I write this. She said she would help me record the meeting and she is! I look forward to spending more time in meditation with her, to feel our connection in a deeper way.

*Lakshmi (or Laxmi) is a Hindu goddess. The following is some information I’ve found about her, to help you orient to who she is and what she represents:

Goddess Lakshmi means Good Luck to Hindus. The word ‘Lakshmi’ is derived from the Sanskrit word “Laksya”, meaning ‘aim’ or ‘goal’, and she is the goddess of wealth and prosperity, both material and spiritual.

Lakshmi is depicted as a beautiful woman of golden complexion, with four hands, sitting or standing on a full-bloomed lotus and holding a lotus bud, which stands for beauty, purity and fertility. Her four hands represent the four ends of human life: dharma or righteousness, “kama” or desires, “artha” or wealth, and “moksha” or liberation from the cycle of birth and death.Cascades of gold coins are seen flowing from her hands, suggesting that those who worship her gain wealth. She always wears gold embroidered red clothes. Red symbolizes activity and the golden lining indicates prosperity. Lakshmi is the active energy of Vishnu, and also appears as Lakshmi-Narayan – Lakshmi accompanying Vishnu.

 Two elephants are often shown standing next to the goddess and spraying water. This denotes that ceaseless effort, in accordance with one’s dharma and governed by wisdom and purity, leads to both material and spiritual prosperity.

(Source: http://hinduism.about.com/od/hindugoddesses/p/lakshmi.htm)

**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

DNA Activation Made Simple: Meditation Conversations With Archangel Metatron

Published on by Jelelle Awen13 Comments

By Jelelle Awen

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Archangel Metatron came to me when I called. I didn’t call him personally but, rather, held in my heart a desire to understand more about DNA activation and asked for an Ethereal Being to help me. The concept of ‘hidden’ DNA strands that when activated raise our consciousness level was intriguing to me. The articles I had read online about this topic were often written in a way that were difficult to understand, almost as if I had walked in on a conversation already underway for many years!

I was engaging in the white energy staircase meditation and holding the question of DNA activation in my heart, asking for guidance and help from any angels that would like to help me. When I was around the 111th step, I felt the presence of my healing angel who is named Coral. She has a comforting and loving energy, yet she immediately seemed to be in a more intense and focused mode than usual. I knew intuitively that she wasn’t going to answer my questions, as her gifts are more in the domain of chakra activation, cleaning, and protection. She is a healing angel, after all, and she has shared with me that we all have one, although most people never consciously connect with theirs. The healing angels usually have names that correspond with earth elements such as stones, crystals, or other natural formations.

Coral and I stepped into the ‘elevator’ that sits off the platform on floor 111 and shot up to floor 222. I felt a surge of energy move through my body as the elevator journeyed upward. We reached this level and she pushed the next button, landing us on floor 333. In the past, I had been quite vigilant about progressing up each individual stair at a time, but Coral told me that I was ready for a more accelerated ascension. This was after a week of being physically ill with many symptoms similar to the stomach flu. It had been a challenging time and I felt deeply ‘cleaned out’ and cleansed from the experience. I felt lighter and that I had purged some necessary toxicities in the process. My body felt less attached to fear related to the ascension process.

We stepped out of the elevator and were surrounded by goldish white clouds swirling around our feet and all around us. It felt lighter and more airy, similar to traveling to a higher altitude where the air is thinner and it becomes a bit harder to breathe.

I asked my question again about DNA activation and I heard his voice respond to me immediately.

“I am here to help you and answer your questions,” he said to me (in my head in that way that all ascended beings and angels seem to do.)

“Who are you?” I asked, trying to feel out if he was polarized to the light or polarized to the dark. I can tell by my heart’s response if a Ethereal Being is coming from love or from fear. I couldn’t feel much of anything coming from him other than the clear vibration and timbre of his voice, which I liked very much right away.

“I am Metatron,” he said.

“Megatron?” I replied. “That sounds like a robot or something!”

He laughed, heartily, in my head. “I am going to give you some advice which helps you understand my name. Always keep the big picture in mind. Do not get lost in content and remember the context.”

“Ok, yes,” I said. “I get it. You offer a ‘meta’ perspective on life. I’ll just google you when we are done connecting to read more about you. I think I have read your name somewhere. You are an archangel, yes?”

“Yes. I like to make complex concepts more simple and easy to understand for as many people as possible to grasp.”

“So, this concept of DNA activation is one that needs some simplifying, I believe. And it needs to be more accessible. There are healers out there charging $5,000 to activate people’s DNA codes and ‘teach’ them how to do it for others. Surely, it is simpler than this and something that anyone can do?”

“This is why I am here to help you, Jelelle. Your soul is a bridge and I want to assist you in doing that. I love that you will not pretend to know something that you don’t know and actually revel in being both the student and the teacher.”

As he was offering what he loved about me, I could finally feel a wave of it in my heart chakra. It was a sweet feeling that I let flood over me for a moment. He seemed to pulse with love and light for many moments before continuing to speak.

“It will take some time for you to feel me or to see me more clearly as I am at a much higher vibrational frequency than other Beings that you have connected with in the past. You have a strong clairaudience ability which is why you are able to hear me now easily,” he paused to let me digest this. “Now, back to DNA activation. The human species currently has two physical strands of DNA, which carries the genetic code, and is shaped like a twisted ladder called a double helix.”

He sends me a picture of the double helix, which is familiar to me from biology class in college. “Your species actually has twelve strands of DNA, two that you can ‘see’ in your third dimension and ten that you cannot that exist in higher dimensions. In your human history, you have used more strands than you are now. I won’t go into the reasons for their shut down right now. But, returning to operation from all twelve strands is a key aspect of the process of Ascension and to raising the vibrational frequencies of mainstream consciousness out of fear and into love.”

“So when all twelve strands are operating, we can more easily experience our essence as Infinite Love and union with our Divine creator?”

“Yes, exactly, and also the reactivation of the latent, unused areas of the brain along with the reunion of the right and left sides of your brain. As this starts to happen, you begin to feel the powers you have of manifestation, overflowing creativity, psychic and paranormal abilities, clear past life recall, and access to the Akashic Records, among many other things.”

That all sounded wonderful to me and exactly what I have been wanting to accelerate in my own life.

“So, how do we activate our DNA codes?”

I felt a wave of energy move through me and the picture of the double helix appeared in front of me again. I also felt my chakras light up one by one from the root to the crown. “We energize and reignite them using white energy together. And, even more importantly, you continue to shift your emotional, spiritual, and mental filters of life by healing any blocks, woundings, congestions, and self limiting patterns in order to lighten your energetic field.”

“Oh, ok,” I responded, almost feeling disappointed that it wasn’t a more dramatic process.

“You are already activating them through your awakening process, Jelelle. As is anyone who is engaging in heart and soul consciousness work…the process is already in motion. Rather than some dramatic ‘moment’ where all the DNA codes are suddenly activated, it works best if you let time and your process organically allow it to happen. It is the most kind and self loving method for the body and the mind.”

I know intuitively from my own experience that he is right. Yet, it seems so tempting to just ‘get it over with’ somehow.

“We will continue to talk about this over time as there is more I want to share with you about DNA and its connection to the chakras and to dimensional communication as well.”

“Thank you, Metatron, for what you have offered me today. I am starting to feel the love that you are and the love that you have for humanity and it is deeply touching to me.” Tears begin to roll down my face as I speak these words. I feel that he is touched and another wave of love rolls over me. I feel our mutual respect for each other and I can feel the student inside of me that is eager for another Ethereal teacher, as I experienced lovely openings through my conversations with Kuan Yin.

I then finished my meditation and after sharing with Raphael what I had experienced, I turned on my computer and was soon looking at paintings and images of the beautiful Being that I had just had the honor of connecting with…I was excited for the new questing adventure that had begun and the places that he and I would go to together!

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebook. Visit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Meeting In The Middle- White Energy Staircase Meditation: Meditations With Kuan Yin Series

Published on by Jelelle Awen1 Comment

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By Jelelle Awen

I am walking up the stairs, visualizing pure, white light all around me. I feel a lightening up in my body as I ascend up the stairs with every inhale and rest on the exhale. I count out each step as a means to keep my mind active while I start to feel a sense of pulling from my crown or seventh chakra. I climb as high as my body will go until I feel resistance. I see a door to my right and I walk through it to enter a large, open space with an extended platform.

In my physical body, I feel as if my torso is elongated and stretching out with my two hands (which are resting in a mudra on my crossed legs) seeming to be quite far away from my head. It is a unique feeling and I am enjoying it, already feeling how it could be a simple thing to travel out of my body following this method.

I begin to feel love and desire flood through me as I repeat over and over a call for Kuan Yin to come be with me if it is the will of the Divine. I exclaim, “I AM God,” feeling a shiver of recognition move through my body of my expression as a fragment of the Divine source. I see the outline of Kuan Yin start to appear before me, framed in a brilliant white light. She is so radiant that I squint my eyes, even though my ‘physical eyes’ are closed.

We don’t exchange words at first, but just bask in our communion with each other. I am in awe, I am in love, I am grateful just to be near Her.

The only thing She says to me is what She has offered me in a previous meditations, “I am you and you are me.” I take this in as the love, gratitude and awe that I am projecting onto Her also lives inside of me.

This simple meditation in which you climb a staircase to access higher dimensional realities while asking for connection with ethereal Beings is offered in a very expansive and transformational book called World Of Archangels by Sufian Chaudhary.

Explains Sufian in his book, “The human body has a very low vibration in order to maintain its physicality. The higher in vibration you manage to achieve, the more you will perceive yourself as a powerful energetic source rather than something limited to the physical world….the most effective communication with ethereal Beings takes place when both parties alter their vibratory level in order to meet each other on middle ground.”

I have been connecting with ethereal Beings such as spirit guides, angels, and ascended masters for several years, yet I can feel a difference now in the purity and intensity of the connection that can be experienced after engaging in the staircase meditation and ‘meeting’ these Beings in a middle point. Such a simple meditation and, yet, one offering seemingly limitless possibilities of experience!

 Note: This blog is part of a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

Jelelle Awen is a SoulFullHeart facilitator and co-creator. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and sessions to begin your SoulFullHeart awakening process.

Becoming The Birdsong: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

Kuan-Yin-and-Bird

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

Sunrise here at the Sanctuary in rural Mexico brings an orchestra of bird calls. It starts with the crooning of the rooster at the first hint of the new day and sometimes as early as four o’clock in the morning. The rooster says, “Get up! Get up! A new day! A new day!” This is the first time in my life that I have been woken up not by an alarm clock, but by an animal bred for this function. It is mostly wonderful.

The birdsong then escalates as dawn approaches, so many different kinds of chatters and trills that it seems impossible to identify them all. It is a flurry of noise and, while ‘silent’ from industrial sounds such as motors and engines, it is by no means quiet here at the Sanctuary in the early morning.

This is the time that I feel most open to meditation and connection to altered states of consciousness. I have learned to mostly ‘block out’ nature’s sounds and it becomes background music while my process takes center stage. More about the birdsong in a moment…

This morning, I am floating in “Ma Om….” mantra, seeing if my mind can let go and rest in longer stretches without actually thinking about something every few seconds. But, then it is my mind that is tracking if it can go without thinking! Sigh.

As I open to Ma Om, my two quartz crystals I am holding in my hands become burning hot with energy moving through me. Kuan Yin is more of a blur today, less solid, and more an energetic presence. I can feel Her energy but I am struggling to feel my love and adoration for Her this morning. Usually it flows through quite freely and sometimes I can even let in Her reciprocating love for me. Something is blocking my letting in capacity and I suspect it has to do with letting in love on my birthday a couple of days ago.

Then, I am suddenly engaged in an etheric conversation with Padma – who feels like a past life aspect of mine who lives(d) in India in the year 1930. Padma has been recognized as ‘born with strong Atman (internal Godhead) with a strong connection to Brahman-God.’ She tells me that she left her family at six years old to go with her Master, Nomanji, to live in his ashram and become a great yogi and saint. This is considered a great honor, but I feel her loneliness.

She is now 18 years old and can’t remember what it is like to be a ‘normal’ person. “All I do is meditate and sleep,” she tells me. I ask her if this makes her unhappy.

“If I think of what I am missing…if I think of myself as a self, then I can get sad. But, there is no ‘I’ there,” she responds.

I tell her that I want to help her feel her sadness. Immediately she admits to me that she would like to leave her Master, who is not cruel to her, but she does feel that she has outgrown him. She would like to start her own ashram and she says that there are those who want to be her devotees. I agree to support her emotional process (which she has suppressed and transcended) if she helps me with opening out my consciousness to transcendent frequencies and to liberate my mind more fully.

After we make an agreement, I feel her energy leave my presence and I am alone again with “Ma Om.” I feel more open in my heart chakra now that Padma’s sadness has moved out. This is when I become aware of the birdsong around me, which seems to have just increased suddenly in volume.

There is one particular bird that is singing at a length and volume that seems to penetrate my field.

Kuan Yin offers for me to, “Follow the birdsong,” so I do, turning my attention to it.

At first, I am just listening to the chatter back and forth of this bird and one of its kind in another tree. Then, I feel rumbles of energy move through me with each refrain from the birds. It feels like their song is inside of me. It is a jerky thing because I’m not sure if I like it at first.

Eventually I surrender to it and then I am in flight with every tweet, in motion with every twitter. It is a liberating sensation.

I try not to interpret if there is a message from the birdsong, even though I can feel how they are communicating one to me. I can feel how Kuan Yin is communicating to me through birds, which seem to be one of her favorite creatures to use as a communication medium. This is fortuitous since I happen to live on what is essentially a bird sanctuary, with some very rare and endangered species of birds here.

I just am the birdsong and I feel Kuan Yin’s encouragement. I am reminded of Her showing me a lotus and offering that it knew more about who and what it was because it didn’t know and was just arising isness. Becoming the birdsong offers the same kind of not knowing and being in isness.

The song tapers off at some point and my attention moves back to me and the start of my day here at the Sanctuary

For a few hours afterwards, as I am watering and tending to the gardens, I feel a lightness in my mind and a sense of suspended moments without mental tracking…..what I call, ‘loosened brain.’

And, I am more aware of the birdsong around me and its offering of communion, lightness, and freedom.

Jelelle Awen is a co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life  for more information . You can read her tweets here and become her friend or follow her on facebook.

You Have A Body, You Are Not Your Body: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

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By Jelelle Awen

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

I have taken a certain pride in being embodied and ‘grounded’ in my body. My weight has been at a healthy place for a few years now and regular physical activity is just part of my lifestyle living off-grid Shovelling, weeding, watering, cob building…it all lends itself to being in the body. I also experience great pleasure from making love with my mate Raphael, which is grounded in our bodies, connected in our hearts, and expanding more and more into our souls.

So, I haven’t been interested in being ‘out of the body’….until recently I have been. Well, what I am more interested in is a balance where I can be healthfully and vibrantly be in my body and also deepen my experience of out of body realities such as astral travel, Samadhi and other enlightened states, kundalini energies, etc. I do believe a balance can be made and that’s what it feels like some people are seeking through the Hatha yoga path.

Physical ailments usually accompany my major spiritual or emotional movements as toxicity moves out, as Kathleen also talks about in her blog. I take note when this happens because I rarely get sick and have never broken a bone or had any kind of major injury or illness. So, the physical issues I do have are small and move quickly, but they can often be connected to my process.

As I am meditating with Kuan Yin today, I am feeling a particular ailment in my body that is minor but still irritating me. As I start with the “Ma Om” mantra (described here), Kuan Yin can feel my attention and focus moving to my body.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologize. “I’m getting distracted by discomfort in my body.”

“You have a body. You are not your body,” is Her immediate response.

Ok, I take that in and let it be a kind of repeated mantra.

I have a body. I am not my body.

Eventually, I have to ask her to clarify what She means.

“Your mind thinks that you are your body. It thinks you are a body shell and it fuses to that reality. This is very limiting. You are not your body. And, you are not your mind either.”

“Then, what am I?”

She seems to light up then. “Now THAT is an interesting question. Also, interesting is the question: Who am I?”

“Yes, what and who am I, then?”

The image of a lotus flower blooms in front of me. I can feel immediately that She has sent it to me. I take its beauty in.

“This flower knows more of its essence than you do because it doesn’t know anything. It just is,” She replies.

I meditate on this and feel how right she is. I have spent over ten years in a pretty radical and intense self healing path that has led to the diving into the depths of my previously subconscious emotional and soul wounding. I have been asking the question, “Which part of me is feeling this?” in a dedicated way over the last decade. I have been through a series of subpersonalities over the years and through this incredibly effective process which allows for separation and objectivity from reactions through feeling them deeply, I have had more and more experience of the authentic expression of my being. What you can experience of your authentic being that is since it is very difficult to pinpoint as it isn’t related to a role or self image. But, I can feel how even what I have attached to as my ‘authentic self’ or ‘higher self’ still has a dualistic filter around it.

“I just am,” I respond, trying it on to see how it feels.

“It’s ok you do so much defining and sorting of yourself, J bird. You’ve needed to do it and it was good. You are in a new phase now where you want to dissolve the “I” more so you can experience reality without separation.”

I feel a slight wave of panic come over me at the thought of ‘dissolving’ myself, especially as I have spent so much work and energy to uncover my seemingly most authentic expression! My previous spiritual teacher used to say about the ego maturation process that happens through parts work and then the ego obliteration process that happens in sagehood practice is like having a Maserati sports car that you work very hard to get and then proceed to drive it off a cliff!

Kuan Yin feels this hesitation in me and a wave of compassion from her washes over me.

“Your mind resists this. Your body resists it too. Even your ‘authentic self’, as you say, resists it. But that’s OK because you still are what you are and aren’t what you aren’t,” She says, smiling.

“Buddha taught that it is our sense of ‘I’ and our sense of separation that causes suffering. I have healed a lot of my suffering through the path I’ve been on but I am still curious about deepening what I have experienced beyond the mind and beyond the body. And, I guess, even beyond the ‘I’.”

“Who is saying that?”

I reflect for a moment. I immediately want to go to my usual mode of scanning for a part of myself that might be speaking but I know that isn’t what she is looking for. Finally I settle for, “I don’t know.”

She nods and smiles at me. That feeling of not knowing who I am because I just am is a strange one and vibrates through me, loosening my mind and I can feel, jarring a little bit of my attachment to my body. A surge of energy moves from my crown chakra at the top of my head and down to the base of my spine and eventually out my root chakra.

Another lotus flower appears before me.

This time all I can do is laugh out loud, although I couldn’t have told you why.

And Kuan Yin laughs with me and says, “That’s better!”

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. You can read her tweets here and become her friend on facebook.

Letting In Love On Our Birthdays

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Compassion flows the strongest from self love, not self sacrifice.

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

I am diligent, repeating my “Ma Om” mantra and touching parts of my body, imagining Kuan Yin merging with me. I particularly hover my hands over my seven chakras, which are whirling centers of energy in our etheric or subtle body. I grip a rose quartz in my hand as that is the stone that holds the energy of the Divine Mother to me.

I feel the warmth of Kuan Yin’s presence and her voice, bright in my head, saying, “Happy Birthday, Jilly Bird!”

I am a little surprised by her enthusiasm about my 44th birthday. “Is it happy? I mean, is it really anything?”

“It is a celebration of you! I celebrate you!” She enthuses at me.

“Birthdays are an illusion, aren’t they?” I ask, ever trying to be the good student.

“In the sense of….there is no time, yes. In the sense of……you being born and dying every arising moment rather than just being born in one moment, yes.”

“Yes, and in the sense of numbers of years on earth being meaningless to reflect true maturity.”

She smiles her soft smile at me.

“In previous years I have felt a young part of me, my inner child, become very excited about my birthday,” I say. “She would want to feel special and she wanted attention. This year, she feels content inside of me and, in some ways, like this day is the same as any other.”

“Birthdays offer a space to receive appreciation, recognition, and well wishes. You want these, don’t you?”

I don’t have to think about this for long. “Of course. Although sometimes it can be a struggle to let it in.”

“Yes, a struggle. This is what to feel today, Jelelle. On your birthday. To feel letting in love into your heart.”

At that moment, I feel a surge of warm energy in my fourth or heart chakra. It radiates out, like the sun, like a stone dropped into a pond rippling soft waves in all directions.

I feel the capacity to let in love expand with Her energy and Her encouragement.

I also feel how compassion has to start with myself before it can truly overflow to others. Letting the love and appreciation I receive on my birthday from those people most intimate with me creates an overflow that can then go to others. This is the true way that compassion flows the strongest……from self love, not self sacrifice.

I carry this feeling of letting in with me as I check my emails and my facebook account. I am brought to tears a few times by the outpouring of love and appreciation that I receive from others, especially those in our SoulFullHeart community.

And, I feel in this where my heart is more comfortable still giving out then letting in. Even after years of being in a marriage with a mate who showers me with affection and attention. Even after years of receiving gratitude from students who I serve and have served. Even after years of feeling connection with the Divine Mother and the exquisite sense of being loved by Her as a beloved daughter.

The process of letting in and receiving love is an ongoing one and I believe a much harder energy to inhabit than giving love. It is a wonderful practice though, on our birthdays or any other ‘normal’ day.

~

Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book to be released on June 1st, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Going Beyond The Mind Not Against It: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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By Jelelle Awen

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I start these processes without knowing where they will go or lead me; not knowing how they will unfold to offer consciousness expansion for myself; not knowing how they might serve spiritual and emotional consciousness awakening and expansion in others. I follow a desire and from there the form unfolds.

I was led recently by a desire to deepen experiences I have had (even though they aren’t ‘experiences’ in another way) of altered states of consciousness over the years but particularly in the last 18 months since moving to a remote, off-grid sanctuary in rural Mexico. I call these experiences a ‘dripline’ because while they are strong in the moment of happening, they move on eventually. They feel like a drip rather than a gush, so far. I trust this drip is what I and parts of me can let in right now.

As I describe in the first entry in this series, I have a relationship with Kuan Yin (a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher) that goes back several years to when I was awakened to Divine Feminine consciousness after becoming attuned in Reiki energy healing. The shamanistic healer and Reiki Master who attuned me also offered that I turn to Kuan Yin as my personal spirit guide and teacher. My immediate response to her suggestion was to burst into tears. Just the mention of Kuan Yin (who I wasn’t really familiar with at the time) brought up a huge surge of heart and soul longing.

Kuan Yin is both (at times) stern sounding but affectionate mother and penetrating spiritual teacher. I feel both comfort and discomfort around Her energy. She is both familiar and foreign; nurturing and, at the same time, without a form to wrap around. All these contradictions seem to work for Her though and my heart trusts and loves her deeply even if my mind can’t quite grasp Her. But, that’s the point actually.

This morning, during our meditation time together, She inspired me to share regularly about my experiences with Her during this time of surrogacy together and offer whatever message She would like to express through me. I have long ago embraced my soul purpose as Divine messenger and scribe; it is at times a very blessed thing to be and at times can draw misunderstanding and strong resistive projections from others (just as the Divine Mother Herself can.) I feel that we all have the capacity to connect with various forms and energies of the Divine Mother and receive Her messages. Billions of people already do in the form of what the world’s religions offer, such as worshipping Mother Mary, even if their religion can tend to filter the purity of Her heart and message. I describe the mantra and process I use to connect with Her in this blog entry.

So, I will share regularly. I wanted to say ‘daily’ but that doesn’t have much meaning in the moment as what is a day (or any measurement of time) but an illusion created by the mind? Kuan Yin would say so anyway.

As I repeated my “Ma Om” mantra while touching my body and feeling my love for Kuan Yin this morning, I noticed the crazy activity of my mind. How the thoughts and mental digestions seemed to ‘interrupt’ the process every few seconds! My mind wanted to process and package the whole experience before I’d even really had it. I would move my attention back to the mantra and, again, after a few seconds, would discover I had drifted again.

Kuan Yin was with me in this, seemed to feel my growing concern, and we began to dialogue about it.

“Busy mind, yes,” She said to me in her penetrating way.

“It is so busy! I try to still it with these mantras and it gets bored. It seems to rebel and want to gallop away like a wild horse,” I responded.

I do believe She chuckled then…laughing with me, not at me.

“Yes, like wild horse. But, why you go against it? What does it want?”

I felt and thought about this for a moment. “My mind says that mantras are too boring. It likes dialogue and conversation. Or to go on creative visualization and etheric journeys like we used to. When it is occupied in ‘helping’ with these things, then it can let in energies such as Kundalini or the Non-Dual.”

“So, why you not let it?”

“I didn’t think that was Ok?” I admit, feeling very much like a beginner in that moment.

“Who say it not OK? Who know what is right for you other than you? You’ve got a very imaginative mind, Jilly Bird. It is beautiful. Let it help you move beyond it.”

I contemplated this for a moment (and so did my mind) and we both felt this sense of goodness about that. Rather than trying to ‘tame’ my mind, I could flow with it. All of my most altered states had come through letting my mind help take me on an imaginative journey, as Kuan Yin said.

“And,” She continued, “Just what do you suppose is helping you talk with me right now?”

I could feel my mind get a bit puffed up, but that felt better than putting it down. “For the last ten years, my process has been about forming relationship with and creating negotiation…whether it was with parts of me or with the Divine or with my body. Forming relationship is a dualistic approach though…”

She cut me off with, “Calling something ‘a dualistic approach.’ These are just words. Other people’s words. You follow your own heart, as you have always done. As you teach others to do.”

“I offer a path that has worked for me and then, yes, support them to find their own heart and soul way along it.”

“So, same for you, J-Bird. Same for you.”

I was left with a primary message today that it isn’t about going against the mind but rather beyond it. Taking it with you as a helper, but journeying beyond it….where life can then fully take flight.

Jelelle Awen is a facilitator and co-creator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life  for more information.

A Preschool Beyond The Mind: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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By Jelelle Awen

I originally wrote this writing about a visualization visit that I had with Kuan Yin, (a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher) in 2010. I began to experience visualization visits with different faces and energies of the feminine face of God after I received reiki energy healing attunement from a shamanistic healer. The transmission of reiki energy seemed to spark soul access in me related to clear communication and experience of the Divine Feminine. Not channeling, per se, as I remained conscious the whole time. I interacted with four specific faces of the Mother and one of them was Kuan Yin.

Before I began to connect with Kuan Yin in the visceral way that I describe below, I had never read anything about Her even as I had received some sagehood teachings from my former spiritual teacher, who had practiced Zen Buddhism along with many other things. It was later, after I read more about Kuan Yin, that I was touched to feel how I had seemed to authentically experience Her energy and guidance even without knowing much about Her. My experience went beyond what my mind could know to the place where only my heart and soul could access.

I am sharing this piece of writing again because I have very recently begun a renewed surrogacy time with Kuan Yin. I am engaging in daily meditation with her, inviting Her in for visits with me, and receiving Her guidance. My ultimate desire is to feel our union with each other; to feel how I am Her and She is Me. To feel how none of us is separate; no being is higher or lower than the other. I still feel a strong tendency in my soul history to feel I am the student related to such Divine beings, so this will take some practice. The meditation that I am engaging in is one offered by Martin Birrittella in his book, The Field: How To Experience The Field Of Love and it is based on a practice of Hindu saint Chidananda Avadhuta.

In this meditation, you find a quiet place to sit in comfort. Feel your breaths going in and out. On the inhale breath, repeat the mantra, “Ma” and on the exhale breath, the mantra, “Om”. Concentrate on the form of Kuan Yin in front of you or on another face of the Divine Mother.* Have your mind become as still as possible. Feel love and honor in your heart for Kuan Yin. See Her all around you, above, below, and beside you. Visualize that your body is merged with Her body while you continue to repeat the mantra of “Ma Om.”

Touch all parts of your body as you continue to repeat the mantra, feeling yourself connect with Her. Continue to touch your body as you repeat the mantra, over and over with love and trust. Feel how you are Her and She is you. As you walk around the rest of the day, feel your hearts merged and connected to each other.

For me, I also experience a dialogue with Kuan Yin during this process, where she guides me and offers reflections to me before the sense of unionizing begins. She talks more than I do, which suits me just fine.

Below is the experience I previously had with Kuan Yin:

Here is it and I am here. This “it-ness” has been called a “Monday” and each moment has been given a category of a “second” and then a label of a “minute” and “hour” and “date.” These are false to the true reality of the moment as there is no time actually, yet only the arising magic of the Divine exhale and inhale that is the uprising breath of the moment. This naming and categorizing every moment in a linear way is false food to comfort the mind, yet I have eaten this diet of dualistic thought forms my whole life.

I am in preschool again; a preschool that is the real school of life where there are no rules to follow, dualistic concepts to learn, or linear realities to accept. This pre-school is where the beginner’s mind is not educated and conditioned to become an expert in dualistic reality. It is where the beginner’s mind is celebrated and encouraged to become even more childlike and simple and unlearned.

I am guided by Kuan Yin. She tells me to move beyond past associations and we track lovingly my mind’s (led by my false self) wanderings together. We track together my mind’s seemingly obsessive need to connect and associate everything with something else from my past.

“Be in this moment,” she tells me. “Be stillness in this moment.”

This is helpful. I can be stillness again after finding myself wandering off into content and into thoughts that only clutter rather than liberate. She offers me the picture of a very still lake and we are sitting, lotus style, at the shore. Peace, quiet, stillness, depth.

Yet the most helpful to me is her repeatedly saying, “Arise and dissipate.” I see trails and streams of life and energy in these words, which repeated often enough cease to have any meaning at all. Yet, like any mantra used while meditating, they help to give the mind something to occupy itself so the not-mind may be revealed in the spaces in  between the busy thoughts.

I feel a purifying inside. I feel stillness. I feel liberation from the past, and I feel sleepy. I dose all day, in and out of consciousness and not in pure sleep yet somewhere else, somewhere “not here” and yet “not there” either. Repeatedly Kuan Yin asks me if I am ready to learn more and go deeper. She is a kind yet dedicated teacher, making it safer to explore this unknown ground, the one I have always yearned for. Repeatedly, I answer her with a “yes”, surrendering my day to spend in this place of not place.

When I take a walk in the park near my home later that night, the flowers arise. The irises in the garden unfold and wink at me. The birds fly very close, nearly crashing into me, and I feel how somehow I have become more of their substance and more of where and what they are. They do not feel separate from me. They feel more kin than the people busily walking by, people not being but doing, and that is ok. I forget words for things and the things become more alive and miraculous in the forgetting.

Arising and dissipating.

I am in awe of the bigger container and canvas of the Creatrix for which all of life is painted upon. I am in awe of the whiteness backdrop of Her genesis.

This is a gift; this no-place yet all-place place that I am in. I wish for it to last forever even as I am offered that, “forever is as it already is as I am and All That Is is.”

This makes my mind hurt and get confused in a good way.

The next “day” offers different spaces, different challenges, emotional turmoil, yet the feelings and memories and template of the stillness and arising place remain. They hold it all and She holds me, bearing gentle witness to all that arises and dissipates in my journey deeper into myself with Her.

Jelelle Awen is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and co-creator. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information.