In this video recorded live on October 26th, SoulFullHeart Teachers Raphael and Jelelle Awen explore the shadow and how it expresses in your life through suppressed/disowned feelings, parts and aspects. This is especially triggered during the current eclipse window and Halloween/Samhain passage.
We share about our experiences with Shadow exploration and how our SoulFullHeart healing process responds and bridges to whatever energies are in shadow with the light of love. We also offer a guided meditation to connect with a part/aspect/feeling in shadow through a brief visualization journey and bring in illumination/light/love to begin a bridging to them.
We welcome your questions and comments, even after the livestream here on this post. And your sharings of what you experience during the meditation as well!
My women’s group call with Kasha exploring the shadow feminine is on Sunday, October 30th at 5:00pm Lisbon/London- 1:00pm EDT. You can join by donation with more info at ttp://www.soulfullheart.org/womengroupcalls
Here is the popular shadow guided meditation video with me that I mentioned:
Raphael and Jelelle offer a weekly SoulFullHeart livestream on Facebook every Wednesday at 5:00pm Lisbon/London time/12pm EDT, which will then be shared on our SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube channel the next day. During the livestream, we will respond to your questions/comments, plus offer a teaching, personal sharings, and a guided meditation. We will explore different topics every week related to awakening and Ascension from the SoulFullHeart perspective. You can join us live on Jelelle’s feed to ask questions and leave comments. You can read comments that happened during on the livestream on Jelelle’s facebook feed: https://www.facebook.com/jelelleawen
For more information about the SoulFullHeart quantum healing process, Jelelle Awen’s latest book Free To Be 5D, videos, and events, visit https://www.soulfullheart.org.
We also invite you to join us for free membership on our private, online community SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks for sharing, asking questions, and connecting with others engaged in the series: https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co/feed
“It’s October 2019 and I’m spinning, whirling, wondering what’s really going on within me, why I can’t seem to help parts of me truly let go of comparison, of feeling ungraceful and ungrateful, of feeling unworthy of the love of my intimate community, let alone the love of the Divine within and around me. I’ve been asked to take space from my community of beloveds to go into and reconcile what has continually been coming up inside of me and not yet been truly held, let alone felt, by me as a centred, adult woman, who is calling herself ‘Kalayna’.
I am in a panic, feeling an avalanche of self-doubt and absolute heartbreak, knowing that this space-taking is likely leading to leaving my beloveds for at least a phase, if not the rest of this lifetime, if I can’t find my way into more of my own bigness and inner ‘home’. I feel the love that would always flow between us as souls, even if I need to go off and be with myself to reconcile something quite deep in my own shadow that they can’t be impacted by so harshly anymore.
I am in some deep self-punishment and shame, but also recognize after years of this inner work, that this pattern of suffering is keeping me from experiencing the depth of love I really want and need within… a depth of love that can then overflow to others with more grace and ease, even in the messiest of conflicts or the burning up of old relational ground.
As I lean into myself more and more each day, and feel the Divine within supporting my ongoing process, I begin to open out something so deeply ingrained in my inner shadowland. I find an aspect who calls himself ‘Hades’. Hades doesn’t care much for others, let alone other parts of me. Well, he does, but his care is complicated as it involves trauma-bonding with these other parts, making them need him somehow and find comfort in his more twisted way of feeling things, his way of making the uncomfortable, the suffering loops, feel somehow ‘normal’ and even necessary.
It turns out that Hades is one aspect while there are a few others for me to feel, and that he is the Gatekeeper holding the veil to feeling them. I begin to feel them all, one by one, and where they live in my Metasoul and my being in this life too. I feel patterns of being a scorned priestess, even a Queen who couldn’t make it work and was shunned, and a few different lifetimes of not quite being able to get up and out of a fear of my/their own bigness and power and truly live into it. I feel the pain of these aspects and how fusing to them has played out in my life many times. I also feel the frequency of having killed others for the sake of power and jealousy… something that is excruciating for me to feel.
I feel how humble I’m becoming as I feel all of this and how I’m learning to surrender to my own unknown inside of myself… how I just can’t know what the Divine truly wants me to do or become. Even as I surrender to the unknown however, I begin to feel clearer and clearer about the energies I am learning to love inside of me and what my true potential is.
It takes me a few months to truly live into this daily healing journey of diving deeply and even finding a renewed sense of joy, all while still showing up for daily life and holding jobs. I still miss my beloveds so deeply, especially as I go on to spend Christmas alone, but I feel my icebergs that were once parked in my shadowland melting day by day and my growing clarity about what I want in my life and the sort of soul family energies I want to be intimate with on the outside coming up so strongly. I also feel who I want to BE as I let in those energies and relationships and the ache for living into that from the inside out.” ~ Kalayna
It’s now 3 years later and here I am, as ‘Kasha’ and no longer ‘Kalayna’, having graduated not only that heartbreaking and heart-opening phase of my life, but also several other challenging and growthful phases in different geographies, different relationships, and in service of love expression too. All because I’ve been willing, even through deep pain, to go into my shadowland AND work my way through to the other side.
It is a huge honour to now be leading a women’s call with Jelelle that will focus on shadow exploration for the feminine… serving alongside Jelelle was always the dream and even as this was starting to happen back in 2019 with the very first women’s call we ever led together, I could barely let that in. I had so much pain and unworthiness come up that it was sabotaged… my dream was sabotaged. My shadow came up to be felt and when she came up, she was practically screaming with frustration, mostly at herself.
As we explore the feminine shadow, there’s so much power packed in there. There’s so much to these energies of self-punishment, shame, and blame, that actually wants to become the flip side of that… that actually wants to become genuine heart-based service of love within and without and wants to have nourishing relationships as much on the inside as on the outside.
The feminine shadow has a LOT to unpack, not just in these trailing-edge energies that can keep us in smallness and pain, but also in leading-edge energies, access to feminine magic and alchemy, not to mention DEEP access to discernment, clarity, and care.
Join Jelelle and I on Sunday, Oct 30th for a by-donation women’s group call, focused on discovering and feeling your Shadow Feminine, however she shows up now! The call will be at 5pm London/Lisbon time and you can donate via our Shop or through PayPal or via Wise (formerly TransferWise). You can find more info about this call here.
Sending so much love to you and your ‘shadow’, your hidden seats and seeds of empowerment and heart, even if there is also pain and ache to wade through and feel along the way!
Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
There are so many things for our hearts and souls to digest in the world today:
-A trial that represents the system of sexual abuse and trafficking that is under the cover of elite power and control.
-A pandemic of fear and censure that has given rise to an ongoing totalitarian state
-Cultural and informational warfare
-Political and medical malpractice
-Environmental manipulation and social engineering
…just to name a few.
All of this gets corralled into the ‘conspiracy theory’ rubbish bin and then tagged as toxic which only allows the real toxicity to flourish in its place. This is not a new phenomenon. It has gone on for a millennia. What has appeared as profound change has been more of a controlled opposition. Letting some things shift in the name of the bigger game at hand. I know that sounds bleak and despairing, but it is true once you dive into the rabbit hole of censured history.
We cannot not turn to the god of government or policy anymore. We cannot lend ears to false idols. Our institutions are decaying from the inside out and that is a blessing while it is also sobering. We have all had an investment in the system one way or another. We have all had our part. The time has come for each of us to claim where we go from here.
Personally, I know my role is to serve those that are seeking support and guidance on how to decouple from the distorted Matrix and replug into the Divine. I have been guided to keep feeling my leadership and my mission to help create a new world within for those souls that resonate and are drawn to this path. I feel a closer connection to the masculine Magdalene lineage that is ever arising inside of me and is still coming into more clarity that I will keep sharing about as it arises.
This lineage is centered around the Divine Feminine and the Great Mother. She, along with Divine Father, are holding space for this shadow illumination process that is occurring on the planet today. While we may feel we have no way to bring outer justice into this world via our own actions, we can feel the cries and attempt to bring Divine Love into our own temples and let that do its own magic of healing and creation.
The process is not a by-pass, but a direct entering of our own holy sepulcher of death and rebirth by feeling all the places we have held Love at bay and all the places that need it. Feeling our own wounded and frightened innocence, our own disempowerment and inner authoritarianism, our own neglect of our bodies, our truth, and our vulnerability. This is where we come to die and be reborn. This is where we find the courage to be in the world but not of the world. The place where Heaven on Earth is seeded and thus created.
I have dedicated myself to this mission and purpose within myself, my community, and my soul kin, whoever and wherever you are. I leave the details up to the Divine as to what happens next while still taking my next steps forward into offering and embodying these sacred Magdalene codes.
I hope that you too are able to find your voice, your choice, and your courage, to let in all the Love and Grace that wants to be bestowed upon you and not allow anyone to veer you off your path. I pray for those reading this to find their community of deep resonance, initiation, and care. This is what will help to transmute the darkness into the light of Divine Love.
Many blessings and much love during this unique Holy Day season.
I, along with my beloved Kasha, offer a free 45 minute introductory call for those that feel the resonance of this inner healing work and sacred embodiment path. We can explore where you have been, where you are at, and what you may need to feel and process in order to access the Love that you are and meant to share with the world. Please check out our website for more information on what this process is all about and how it may serve and resonate with you. I look forward to feeling how I may be of service. soulfullheart.org/sessions
We are also opening up our own social media portal hosted on Mighty Networks. Here you can join for free and have access to our ongoing writing and videos as well as a place to have your heart and voice heard separate from the din of other dissonant social media forums. You can sign up at this link: https://soulfullheartportal.mn.co. We look forward to seeing you there. 🙂
Most of my life a part of me felt that being ‘right’ was analogous to being ‘good’. If I did my due diligence of research then I could find myself on the moral high ground away from the “shit-slinging”. I would be the righteous one and therefore immune from judgement.
In that mental, moral high ground I had to pack some things in my shadow to make it all work. I had to hide another part of me that wanted to sling the shit as there was good reason to do so! The ‘enemy’ could not be allowed to get away with their volleys of crap that they were hurling on the collective battleground. My intellectual righteousness hid my social and spiritual warrior that knew a war game was being waged.
At some point that warrior came out and had his day in the sun. Yet, in the end, the energy didn’t ultimately feel like me nor did it feel sustainable and desirable. But it was real. It helped me understand where so many are coming from in this volatile drama being played out.
So there is something that is looking for balance and integration. A place where reason, intuition, and vulnerable expression get to be married and partnered, not conflicted or suppressed. This is not an easy thing to do, yet feels like an evolution for me personally that doesn’t let any part of me get hijacked or hidden, but rather seen, felt, and heard, even if it is just within me and my beloved community.
I don’t need to be ‘right’ anymore. I don’t need to be seen in the way a part of me has needed to in the past. I feel closer to the Divine and my beloveds and that brings me the gift to just be real with whatever is going on inside of me. The gift to allow my own soul’s intuition, my mind’s understanding, my heart’s desires, parts’ needs, and the Divine’s guidance.
There is peace in that state. A trust that I, and we, are all held in this ongoing dilemma of ascension we have all chosen to be a part of one way or another. I continue to free myself from the matrix of suffering, guilt, and righteousness and anchor into that which is real, beautiful, alive, and courageous. I hope and pray that others will choose the same for themselves. It is this inner resolution that seeds the outer revolution.
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.
So much is said in spiritual circles about ‘shadow work’ and ‘shadow integration’…there is even some offer of how to do that, yet most of it feels quite vague, insistent, urgent, and even critical if it isn’t done somehow. My sense is that shadow work is not ‘work’ at all….yet rather is naturally occurring as we surrender to the Ascension process. It just organically happens within us and in the collective as more love comes on the scene. The Ascension process itself and the cosmic/galactic/Divine energies that support it induce and invite whatever is in shadow previously to reveal itself.
There is also a sense sometimes that ‘shadow’ equals bad, evil, dark or monstrous. This can be a fear projection and also protection from parts of us to divert from going into what has ACTUALLY been placed in shadow or simply what has been veiled to us. I have found so many times in deeper explorations with people during sessions that what is in their shadow (or just ‘off their radar’) is often the most precious parts of themselves such as the Inner Child or the Divine Orphan or the Star Seed Child, who has been tucked away into ‘dungeons’ and other such 4D spaces for safe keeping.
Many times what is in shadow is actually your BIGNESS as well and your power, as it was deemed too scary or not supported or just downright dangerous or life threatening to come out for some usually very good reasons, such as causing harm to others in previous lifetimes or due to being persecuted for sharing it. Soul gifts are also placed in shadow, where they wait until the proper timing and initiation for them to be shared and expressed.
There is ALWAYS a good reason that something has been placed in the shadows. To discover what that reason is requires negotiation directly with the part or soul aspect that put it there, WHY they did, and to feel the ‘shadow’ part/aspect directly as well with tons of love and compassion to digest their reality. This is the journey that we go on in SoulFullHeart…to access the Inner Protector or Gatekeeper or other aspect that has parked whatever it is and whoever it is in the shadows, under the veils, and often tightly under guard. We don’t just barrel ‘in there’ to retrieve or rescue or just do a one-time regression. Your Divine Self leads this relationship building exploration with patience and gentleness over time so that any parts of you that are afraid of what has been put in shadow or are protective or ‘fused to it’ are able to be held and supported.
Yes, it is organic for the shadow to be revealed during Ascension, yet how you ARE in that process makes all the difference to being integrated into your Divine Self expression in an empowered and embodied way. There is much support, especially from the Divine Feminine, for us to approach our own heart and souls healing this way instead of doing any kind of battling with it or to become some kind of shadow warrior. Battling always leads to more battling, with a cost on both sides. Courage to go into these previously veiled places now can come from our hearts rather from our swords.
We can become love ambassadors to ANYTHING within us and, as we do, true and last transmutation can happen from something being in the shadows to suddenly thriving in the light of our Divine Self love.
Love from Avalon (with its strong activations of heart chakra LOVE to transmute anything!)
More information about shadow revelation and shadow integration 1:1 sessions and group calls (including a women’s call this Sunday to reveal your inner sacred union ‘in the shadows’!) at soulfullheart.org
It’s hard to share and write as much when I am in the depths of feeling darker emotions and shadow aspects of myself. It feels so vulnerable for my parts to show the depth of grief, unworthiness, self loathing and entitlement they are feeling. For younger parts it can feel dangerous to show these feelings, as they are so conditioned to be good, nice and keep quiet. Yet to show up as the woman I know I am, this process of welcoming, owning and revealing the darkness feels like a key part of maturation and embodiment.
As I danced this morning with the darkness, I could feel how alive and juicy it feels to dance, feel and express these darker emotions. There is a power within them, that feels so connected to embodying and stepping into my Queen. To push intensity and darkness away, to hide from it and make it ‘not ok’, I feel like I am pushing away essential parts of myself as a woman. My passion, my pleasure, my joy, my purpose are all being suppressed along with them.
There have been times these past weeks where my parts feel like they are drowning in the darkness, like they will never find their way through. To be honest that can still feel like the only reality as I, Deya, am still growing my capacity as a space-holder for my parts, and am still becoming the container that they can rest into and feel held within, rather than becoming them.
I don’t think I have ever felt so shaky in my life. Even as I feel a strength in sharing these words in the moment, once they are out in the world, the unworthiness, fear and anxiety will surely arise as they keep doing. The more I am choosing to step up and shine, to be more authentic, to follow my desire to be in service to Love and to be in intimacy with others, the more these shadows are being revealed.
It feels like there are now no other options, no more hiding places; there is no way to go but IN. To be authentic, to serve and to live in joy includes all of the uncomfortable emotions, to Love and be in intimacy with myself, with life and with others includes them all too. To be a Queen means being willing and brave enough to face the shadows. To be a Queen means to lead by example with a loving, empathetic heart to the feelings of others, because she is in a deep, real and intimate relationship with her own and knows the challenges that will be faced on this journey through her own lived experience.
Deya Shekinah is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc
“It is precisely because we resist the darkness in ourselves that we miss the depths of the loveliness, beauty, brilliance, creativity, and joy that lie at our core.” ~ Thomas Moore
Resisting anything in ourselves just leads to more pain, more resistance, and more pushing out of life and not letting it in. Resisting the darkness is understandable when we have been taught in 3D culture to fear that which we don’t understand, that which isn’t socially acceptable, that which may hurt or harm others or ourselves.
We have been taught to fear our fear and the fear of others as well. This fearing of fear JUST leads to more fear being generated. This creates a fear-fuelled energy cloud that rumbles inside of us and through all the strands of the collective emotional body web for fear-based BEings to get more energy from.
On these days of celebration of Samhain’s and All Saint’s Eve, Halloween, Dia de los Muertos, Diwali…..the shadow is actually acknowledged, recognized, and even celebrated within our cultures. The shadow sides can come out in costume; they can put on masks that are actually more authentic to their frequencies. The darkness can roam a bit without fear suppressing it. Souls that have left their human bodies and passed on can be opened up too and be felt by their loved ones without the fear of ghosts or being haunted blocking the connection.
As we BEcome more of our Higher Selves in our human body, gifts of mediumship naturally arise and we become less fearful of the spiritual realm. We see, feel, and hear Ethereal BEings such as Angels, spirit guides, spirit animals, and more. We can connect with our passed BEloveds through our common Metasoul threads and heart cords, as none of us really cease from being energized in the Now in SOME form. We can connect to other Metasoul partnerings and playouts with these SAME people, yet in different dances. Maybe, someday, we’ll be able to change or alter timelines to prevent dying and live out in Infinite Awareness with no time together IN a human body that will no longer age or get diseases.
With the veils between dimensions becoming so thin already in this now of intense phototonic light activations, it feels like there IS an opportunity to connect with spirits in a much deeper way today. To lead with your heart and your intention and ask to receive communications, being open to these contacts coming in unexpected ways, and trusting that love wants to see this happen for your own healing and theirs.
There is also more support to being open as well to how your shadow aspects might be needing you and wanting you. Your shadow often contains sources of power, soul gifts, soul purpose clarities…once the fear and resistance frequencies have been felt, cleared and healed, then these powerful soul gifts can be revealed. More of your power can be revealed and, often, more of your vulnerability as well.
All of this discovery may require negotiation with the part of you that protects and guards your shadow, what we call the Inner Protector in our SoulFullHeart process. The Protector (and also the 4D Gatekeeper) may not feel that you are truly ready to connect with your shadow and embody your soul power expression. They are in a stance of keeping you ‘safe’ rather than allowing you to risk feeling something painful and difficult (even though they will often allow and even contribute to repeating suffering loops inside you).
As your Higher Self comes into your body and your higher heart opens and expands, you become able to bring love to all the fear places inside of you. You can then also bring this love to the fear-based energies in others and serve as facilitator to this clearing of fear process in them too. This bringing love to fear then reverberates and expands throughout the entire Universe and the collective emotional body too. Bringing light to the darkness is above all about offering energies of compassion, forgiveness, understanding, and willingness to feel what is real.
Becoming a ‘warrior’ or going to battle against darkness just perpetrates the cycles of fear meeting and matching with more fear. This is often just the Protector in another form of ‘light warrior’ that is ultimately based in non-vulnerablity and resistance.
Invite parts of you to put down the swords and share with you why they are holding them, WHY they are afraid to go into the shadows with you, and you’ll open your heart up even that much wider, able to experience the love that makes up the essence of it all, including your shadow!
Here is a guided meditation with me to meet your shadow selves with MUCH love to hold the space:
Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free intro calls and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.
Energy Update: It is another 333 energy day today (3/12/2019….3/1+2/2+0+1+9=1+2) with its offering of joy, creativity, alignment to soul purpose and leadership expression, and personal shiftings. Three energy feels fundamentally unstable, definitely transitionary….meant to push up what it does while it does.
I’ve been receiving repeating number sequences constantly in the last two days, including waking up at 2:22am this morning for awhile and glancing at the clock right at 3:33 and 4:44 yesterday. These sequences always feel like codes to me….that unlock when seen and received. A nod and wink from our Higher Self too that we are on the right track and going in the direction of our soul.
We are still in the middle of a trinity of Supermoons with the third and final one occurring on the Equinox as well next week. The Supermoons have been providing this intense, ongoing illumination of shadow….and so often what is in shadow is not evil or dark, yet rather just needs and requires compassion and forgiveness. What is deepest in shadow is what is often the most challenging to love….yet is in the most need of it with the rewards of integrating it quite profound.
Respond to compassion and forgiveness toward what emerges out of shadow in yourself, others, and the collective. The most intense and previously vilified actions and people in your life are the ones who need you most to bridge to them with ambassador of love frequencies (even if you continue to not be in relationship). Many passed loved ones have been coming through in sessions lately as the veils are so much thinner right now.
I have especially been channeling fathers who have perpetuated abusive cycles with their daughters, including early childhood sexual abuse. These fathers now in spirit form are timidly coming forward, asking for forgiveness from them, so that they can move on and ascend. This can be a very powerful way to work with shadow as what you are able to forgive in others ripples into your own soul too and other timelines for which Metasoul aspects of yours may have been abusive toward others (for which the abusive experience this life is offering a mirror.)
The healing possibilities with all this 3 and Supermoon (and recent SOULar winds too) energies are HUGE right now. Traumas are being revealed through unexplainable triggering and reactions. Timelines with karmic pain still lingering are bleeding through to overlap and vibrate under your current circumstances. Parts of you from this life and other lifetimes are coming into consciousness through situations, dreamscapes, meditations.
These are some catalytic energies coming together. These energies are the kinds that collapse timelines quickly and introduce the NEW ones at the same time. Navigating all this with love and grace is possible as you separate from the parts of you from this life and other timelines with much love then available to offer. This separation brings in more objectivity and compassion overflow too. It allows for more Divine support to fill your heart space and feel the bigger container of LOVE holding it all.
Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Facilitator of SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions and group sessions (virtual and in person), events, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.
This is the recording of a wonderful interview that we did last week on the Enlightened Loveheart & Soul Show with resonant host Crystalline Diamondloveheart. It is almost TWO HOURS of interesting conversation sharing our stories. We talk about coming together in sacred romance as well as how we moved from 3D money earning, to giving it all up to live on an off-grid ranch to reset our relationship to abundance and gratitude for is truly the most important…the inner journey to self-love and deepening union with each other. We also connect the gifts and wisdoms they gained from challenges in their lives to the parts work process that allowed them to navigate them.
Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.