Letting Go With Love: Healing Codependency Between Fathers And Daughters

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

By Christopher Tydeman

Throughout the SoulFullHeart healing/growth process, much is felt into around our relationship to ourselves (i.e. our parts), our birth parents, our friends, and our mates.  We have written extensively about those in this blog.  The one relationship we have not written much about is our relationship to our children.

Each combination of relationship (mother to son, father to daughter, etc.) has their own specific dynamic.  When our children arrive in this world, both past and current life agreements we subconsciously made with them begin their construction and playout.  Our experiences with our birth parents, our societal/religious conditionings, and our past life woundings, all coalesce to shape the dance between parent and child.

Through the formative years, parts of us invest a lot of energy in protecting and guiding our offspring.  They represent something to us.  Our greatest hope and our biggest fears.  We project so much onto them that the mere thought of their “failure” or lack of well-being is combated with a barrage of care-taking and/or excessive demands.  To lose them physically or emotionally feels like a fate worse than our own death to a part of us.

In this fused state, it is hard to conceive that our children have their own soul trajectory.  Their own needs and experiences they must have on their individual journey.  This becomes increasingly clear the older they get.  An emotionally healthy and awakened relationship would naturally find its completion around 18.  This doesn’t necessarily suggest we would never cross paths again someday or consciously avoid seeing each other.  It would just be the embarking of their adult journey, taking with them all the love they received in their youth.

But, we collectively are not in a healthy emotional state.  Our children are still children at 18 because we choose for them to be that way.  Our needs and inadequacies took precedent over their real growth.  They are stunted.  Sure, they may run a Fortune 500 company, but their emotional immaturity causes them to treat others unjustly, take advantage to satiate their greed, or run a company into the ground because of issues of control.  Or they may live a “normal” life with a spouse, their own children, a stable job, and a nice house.  But internally they are dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

As a young man, my father would tell me, “I don’t give a shit what you do for a living, as long as you are happy.”  My mother made it her mission to see me graduate college to fulfill something she desired in her own life and as a symbol of what was considered “successful”.  In each case, it was more about them than it was about me.

I carried this with me into the birth of my own daughter.  My fears and hopes were transferred onto her.  All a part of me felt I couldn’t be, hoped that she could.  But to be that meant her breaking away, so another part kept her small so she wouldn’t.  “Be big! No, be small!” Was the energy of my parenting.  A dichotomous push-pull.

As I progressed through my eventual healing, I had to draw boundaries with those that I had an unhealthy bond with.  This included family, friends, and later a mate.  But the one who got the “pass” was my own child.  She had her own vision for her life and that didn’t include healing toward emotional and spiritual awakening.  The others in my life who weren’t ready I said goodbye to, but a part of me could not accept that with my daughter.

Fast forward a couple of years later.  I have found myself in the belly of my care-taking.  Letting go of my need to be needed.  Feeling and seeing the impending industrial imperial implosion.  The ensuing chaos and violence, both physical and emotional.  I have entered into the Brave New World.  I can talk about it until I am blue in the face, but that won’t matter if someone is not able or willing to feel it.  It becomes a soul choice.  A personal decision.  To tug or force someone to get them to come along serves neither me nor them.  There is only one choice…let go.

To say goodbye to my daughter is by far the most difficult thing I have had to do.  It was a choice not made overnight.  It has been, as with all other difficult moments, a process.  Gut-wrenching and tear laden.  To continue a relationship with someone whose path is divergent to mine is not self-loving.  It is also enabling that person to stay in denial and smallness.  I love my daughter too much for her to be in either.  But more importantly, I love myself too much to continue to be seen as less than what I am, even if it is my own child.

As I walked away from her, tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, I could feel the Divine with me and with her.  Mother tells me,

“You make choices based in Love, you enter Love’s eternal grace.  Your kingly act of courage is the greatest gift to your daughter, to yourself, and the world at large.  There is no goodbye, for those souls meant to be together will remain so in heart.”

In that moment, I felt trust.  A trust that she will find her way in her own time, with her own choices.  A part of me is letting go of protecting her and trying to “save” her.  I will always have the desire for her to be a part of our SoulFullHeart community.  She has VIP status.  BUT, it is with her sovereign choice and my needs being met, that that can happen.  Until then I will hold her close to my heart as I prepare for the next phase of my soul’s journey.

 Christopher Tydeman is an apprentice SoulFullHeart Teacher. Visit soulfullheart.wix.com/sanctuary for more information about staying at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and virtual sessions.

Tribulation: A Novel Inviting Us To Feel Life After Global Collapse

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

“A man lives who hears the the song of the red-tailed hawk and flies with it; A man lives who begins and ends each day with his new family and needs no other people; A man lives, who learns something new about the ground he walks every day, and needs no other place; A man lives who knows he is in the world not on it, a part of it not in charge of it, with many brethren of all kinds, and has no right to take more than he needs.” From Tribulation

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By Jillian Vriend

Information about the inevitable global collapse of our short-sighted, technology- and cheap-fossil-fuel-dependent world is usually presented from a mental perspective and from an energy of “proving” that intense changes are coming and when they might be coming. Most of what is out there is mental analysis presented by mostly men who seem to be overly dedicated to researching thoroughly because what they are offering is admittedly to a stubborn audience in deep denial. They use logic and reasoning to try to pierce this denial and to wake up, first and foremost, a person’s awareness to what is happening. While this initial awakening is crucial, I’ve felt something missing from what I’ve digested recently from these mostly male sources and ‘experts’ on collapse.

What I feel is missing from the collapse picture and from our world in a big way is feeling, intuition, compassion, vision, surrender, and connection to a bigger context. Basically, a feminine energy (in both men and women) that can hold and respond to what is happening and what will happen from the heart rather than just from the head. I feel called to provide some of that energy through my connection with the Divine Mother, as I’ve done in previous conversations that I’ve shared on this blog. I also felt compelled to share images from our world with only music as backdrop to invite the heart to digest what is happening rather than just the mind. I feel strongly that is our individual capacity to emotionally digest what is coming that will become the most valuable currency in the future. I feel that survival and practical skills in combination with emotional maturity will offer the most grounded chance for those awakening to this reality.

One of the most difficult things for people to imagine is what the collapse will be like and how it might feel to actually live through it. This is where I feel that fiction writing can be very helpful as it sparks the imagination (connected to our third eye/visionary access) and elicits our emotional reactions in ways that just being presented the “facts” of what is happening cannot. Telling and hearing stories has been an important aspect of human consciousness throughout our history…we’ve moved from sharing orally around the fire to spending millions on block buster movies. Most of these stories feel like they feed our denial, keep us asleep, and allow us to act courageously in a vicarious way. Most of these stories bear little resemblance to most our lives and purposely avoid reflecting the subconscious (and sometimes conscious) misery and suffering that so many people feel. Most of these stories act as drugs, whether to keep us from feeling or to drop us into feeling as a way to off gas our pain without actually connecting it to ourselves.

Sometimes, though, a story comes along that invites us to feel ourselves and our lives. It invites us to feel the very real possibilities of our future and offers scenarios that don’t feel foreign so much as scarily familiar. Tribulation by Thomas Lewis offers such a story. Rather than offering a dystopian picture of a world that has been cranked up to extremes so we don’t feel too disturbed by it (like Hunger Games series, 1984, Battlestar Gallatica, the Divergent series, The Stand, Planet Of The Apes, etc.), this book remains firmly grounded in what is not only possible but is very likely. The author has obviously researched extensively our fossil fuel dependency, as one example, and then he imagines what will happen to modern society when the tankers can’t deliver, when the food can’t be delivered by truck, when the political systems have become irreversibly corrupt from preserving relationships with middle eastern, oil-rich countries , when the wars escalate, when the economy based on fiat currency collapses. It’s easy to imagine the hoarding, the looting, the shooting and yet can be difficult for us to feel what that would be like to live through. We need characters, like reluctant leader William and his collapse-seeing son Bill, and the others who live out the first, very messy and painful phase of collapse on a sustainable farm, to project our hopes and our fears on to.

The author provides us a picture of what it will take to survive: fertile land in a remote location, a source of clean drinking water, security systems in place (including hand guns), a community of people that you can trust with your life, gardens, farm animals. Many people offer this picture of ecovillage and intentional community living as a crucial step, but it is much more compelling to journey with these characters as they actually live this life, giving up most of the modern conveniences that have allowed for easy food, easy water, and (for most of us) easy lives. And their journey is not just about adjusting to daily living in this new, very physical reality, it is also about these characters letting go of who they were before the collapse and arising into who they become afterwards.

We feel that it is the collapse of the self image built up by the false self that will be the most difficult aspect for most people. So much investment in money earning, mortgages, professional careers, attaining the next “toy”…this investment will be impossible for many people to let go of even when life “forces” them to let go. We have offered with SoulFullHeart for two years now and been on our own journey for over ten years of deconstruction of the false self and its domains of control and strategy. We have let go of jobs, toxic family relationships, even previously revered spiritual groups…anything that did not seem to serve our arising authentic self and deconstruction of our false self. Reading this book confirmed these decisions as the de-construction process for us might be that much easier to bear when it happens. We have surrendered outcomes to the Divine and try to align our desires with the bigger context of our souls and Divine guidance. We have decided to leave Canada in the next few months and find a place that establish a conscious community that will feel like our “ark”, most likely in Mexico. A place where we can plant our seeds of heart and soul offering, growing not just the food we need to survive but the way of life that brings us such growth and love. A place where we can draw others with like-hearted and minded sense of life to be in community with us.

There is such growing proof that a great death is coming and we are already in the middle of a painful contraction period, the likes of which have never been experienced by our species. But, I hold in my heart (as validated by reading this book) that there is a rebirth possible rising out of the ashes of our false investments. A rebirth that offers a lifestyle of simplicity, sustainability, connection with our environment, and, most importantly of all, love.

Healing Art: Day 5 – The Ache To Be

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment
Day 5005
Drawing By Christopher Tydeman

By Christopher Tydeman

*Note:  The drawing was in response to a feeling I had inside me around claiming my essence as an artist.  At the time, I was working with a part that was keeping me from fully inhabiting my passion. But shortly after, I made a decision to leave my current culture and move to Mexico with Jillian and Wayne.  This triggered something in me that seemed to also be reflected in the drawing.  It took on a new meaning for me so I began to journal with the picture and this poem emerged.
My soul draws, but does not tug
It calls, it aches, it desires
To feel, express, experience, and love.
But there is a pull, a grasp,
A spaghetti pretzel of fears, doubts, and deafening critical voices
Of social, familial, and cultural conditioning
You cannot be free, you see
You don’t have the skills, the courage, the mettle.
You only know one way to be
And that is comfortable, safe, and settled.
But that does not bring me closer
To what I feel I am or can be, do you see?
I am born of life and life is change
And change is risk and risk is unknown.
That is why you should stay with me, you see.
It is unknown and unknown is not knowable
Not clear, preplanned, controlled, or dependable.
Take my advice, heed my warning, and let me take care of thee.
I feel your concern, your love, your genuine protection
Your need to encase me in bubble-wrapped isolation.
But it enslaves me, and does not save me
From a life of restless deadness, can you see?
I do not see what you see
Or feel what you feel
Or ache what you ache
My only will is to keep you safe
I will need you on the next phase of my journey
Your awareness, your sight, your vision, and might.
I wish to bring you with me, not leave you behind
For without you I am reckless abandon in the shadow of the blind
I will heed your words, and feel your cry
I will need more time to accept and understand why.
That is all that I ask for you now to see
How one day we both can be fearless and free
 Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

Moving From Materialism to ‘Motherialism’- Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Five

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

 

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Fully feel every fear contraction. Let the fear be felt, held and loved, and thereby transmuted into true courage that can choose new love.

Wayne – Hey, Yeshua. Jillian just asked me if all the typing noise was me talking to you. I told her it wasn’t and then I realized how much I miss our connection.

Yeshua – Interesting how women can ask questions that are more than curiosity, huh?

W – Sometimes maddening, but only to the part of me stuck on staying small.

Y – What’s rocking your world?

W – You mean my cradle?

Y – What do I mean?…you tell me.

W – Well, it feels like a lot going through the pipe right now as we plan to leave in October to Mexico with a busy spell of painting contracts this past few weeks as we gather resources. Last night, I had this lucid dream about falling in love, and in it I was explaining the difference between falling in love and choosing real love, still based on deep desire, of course. I think the dream has something to do with Mexico.

Y – Now, there’s a great picture. People talk about the magic of falling in love, as if it is an unexpected accident; something they don’t choose. If they get a bit more meta-physical about it, then they suppose that love chose them. But, in both scenarios, their picture is that they were not the ones taking action. The only problem is that to follow the ‘I had nothing to do with falling in love’ picture is that a whole bunch of choices are coming straight at them. They are going to need to have a whole lot to do with the love for it to flourish or to die.

W – But, I still like the feeling of surprise that new love brings, like something that came out of nowhere.

Y – Being in life is being in love. Love moves every cell in the universe, and love moves every universe in the cell. It’s all love through and through. The feeling of surprise is just part of the juice of the game of renewed trust that invites us and encourages us to let in another big gulp of that love.

W – But then, for most people, the magic of romance seems to wear off.

Y – ‘Wears off’ is again a victim’s picture. The victim says, ‘Love surprised me by its entry and then surprised me again by its exit.’ No! You were too afraid to really let yourself consciously dream of your next phase of letting in love and how that might look and how you might cooperate responsibly to begin preparing for that. You needed to moderate love’s flow into a toned down picture of leaving yourself out of it. The same goes for seeing love’s ebb as something outside of yourself.

W – So, what does your picture look like in contrast?

Y – As you get more and more in shape heart-wise, you begin to accept more and more that you are love’s experiment.

W – Experiment?

Y – I know what you’re thinking. That ‘experiment’ is a bad word because many experiments fail. But love never fails. Love keeps its heart open in any circumstance. It is only in this way that love can come to know itself. The cool thing is that love is fixated on knowing itself in and through you. It wants to keep bringing you new love deals that feel like falling in love. It’s always up to the individual if they want it or not.

W – Usually it’s not a question of if they want it or not. It’s a question of if they want what comes with it or not.

Y – Exactly. Good point.

W – Thank you. Talking with you, for instance, comes with a bunch of challenges.

Y – Whadda you mean, man?!

W – Love always leads to choice. Choices always test the limits of our courage, challenge our identity, and challenge our current cradle.

Y – You saying that I do that?

W – I’m saying that you always advocate for letting in my next piece as courageously as I can.

Y – Okay, that I do do.

W – That you do do.

Y – do-do.

W – do-do.

Y – This is the essential do-do of life. Life begets life. Life moves.

W – And then we try to arrest it somehow, make it more stationary and predictable.

Y – And that’s all because we cannot accept that life is not afraid of death, but instead embraces death as love’s and life’s never ending opening to love.

W – But that takes some serious being in heart shape to dance with.

Y – Yes it does. The divine doesn’t want you to self destruct or suffer but at the same time, the divine won’t fret too much over your choices to stay stuck. It knows that love never fails.

W – It just has a longer term picture than we do.

Y – It takes the time it takes.

W – And we have nothing but time.

Y – Time to experiment and be in love.

W – I want more love.

Y – But that requires leaving the cradle of security that you currently know.

W – And choosing that… as in planning to give up my geography, my language, my livelihood, and this paradise of living beside the ocean and a forest and a creek definitely has its ebbs and flows of excitement and desire and, then, contractions.

Y – And all you are asked to do is fully feel every contraction. Let the fear be felt and held and loved. It is only as a fear is felt that it can be transmuted into true courage that can choose new love and all that it asks you to choose.

W – So then, it’s natural for me to give up something really good for something that isn’t a sure deal.

Y – It’s natural for what was a sure deal to lose its luster as it invites you to choose again. The luster fades as part of the invitation. You staying in a geography that has been a heaven to you can turn it into a hell. All the moralizing about ‘blooming where you are planted’ won’t change that.

W – And this is what leaves me inside of love’s essence…choosing what life is bringing me next.

Y – It really is that simple. Life always changes. It’s up to you to go along or not.

W – And if we don’t go along……

Y – You suffer, but love doesn’t really. Love moves. Suffering is a static state that doesn’t move. Suffering is chosen by the soul as a way to remain in stasis while more courage is cultivated to reenter the flow.

W – And whole new heavens await if we move with love.

Y – They so do.

W – From do do to so do.

Y – That’s what’s rocking your cradle, a newer and better cradle.

W – Why would we ever substitute materialism for this?

Y – This is the real ‘mater’ of materialism. Mother is derived from the word Mater. Mother realism.

W – Whoa. So I am moving from what we call materialism to ‘Motherialism.’

Y – And Mother wants to meet (realize) your ‘material’ needs.

W – I just need to let that in some more.

Y – Let your current cradle tip over into the next one.

W – And become very ‘Motherialistic.’

Y – Let Mother be your reality.

W – Okay, I’ll be a few days digesting that.

Y – Yes, you will.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and be in eco-conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

Actions And Consequences: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

 

heartburn burning-heart

It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, non-loving, fear-based, unconscious state.

Jillian: Hello, Mother. I feel a sense of urgency on this rainy day in June.

Divine Mother: Hello, Jillian. Yes…I can feel that in you. Digesting what you’ve been reading and learning recently?

J: I feel like I have so much to ask you about related to the very real threats to the survival of the human species..yet I know you won’t give me reassurances, false hope, or specific timelines.

DM: Ask me what is in your heart to ask, Jillian, and I’ll respond with what I feel you need even if it isn’t what you think you want.

J: Mother….is the human race doomed? Are we looking at near term extinction in the next decade or even the next few years?

DM: I feel your tears and pain as you ask me that question, Jillian. I feel your despair and compassion.

J: As much as I can be frustrated by the actions and choices of unconscious people, I feel pain at the suffering and loss coming to us as a consequence for our short sighted and false self-based actions.

DM: So, you do feel there will be consequences?

J: How can there not be? That’s how the natural world works. Cause and effect. We have lived blindly so long to this basic principal…drugged by access to easy oil, easy food, easy water, easy shelter, easy life. Even as everything being easy has still made most people miserable.

DM: Cause and effect is the rule of nature. Yet as humans have removed themselves from nature by seeking to dominate it, they have delayed the consequences of their actions. Delayed, yet not ceased.

J: One of the consequences of our actions could be the end of our species.

DM: Yes. And up to 200 species are dying every day because of the actions of humans. Other species and the earth are bearing the brunt of the consequences of human action or inaction. Yet, nature seeks balance and it will find it.

J: It is difficult to imagine how that balance won’t mean adjusting the overpopulation of this planet by the reduction of many people. I feel your lack of sentimentality as we talk about this, Mother. I feel how much you love your human children, so why does your heart feel almost cold to me as we talk about this?

DM: This is my dark mother face, Jillian. The energy of doing what must be done even if it is painful in order to put things back in balance. The energy of tornadoes, storms, volcanoes. Even diseases. That which is out of balance must be righted again.

J: And yet I’ve experienced the compassion of your heart, the vastness of it, for several years now.

DM: It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, unconscious state.

J: I just feel like crying, Mother. I feel what you mean and I accept it but it just breaks my heart.

DM: As it breaks mine, Jillian. Sometimes we need to break our hearts open in order to truly let in and be with love.

J: And, I feel like I want guidance somehow around how to be with this heartbreak and what service looks like now for me and for SoulFullHeart. I feel the ash in the air, burning down of the structure that we created the last two years of sessions, space holding, group weekends, charging a fee for sessions…all of it feels like it is irrelevant compared to the very real possibilities of global collapse that we are feeling together.

DM: You created a form to contain the love and service that you had to offer others. The form is burning away, yes, in a necessary way. But the desire to serve love remains, yes?

J: Yes. I just don’t know the form yet.

DM: Form follows desire. Your desire is leading you to explore your world, to adventure to somewhere warmer and simplier in culture. Follow that and I will bring you connections, synchronicity…I will bring you opportunities to serve.

J: They just might not be in the way or structure that I am used to?

DM: Exactly. As you digest the ash in the air reality of your modern world, you are letting go of your attachments…the few that you had that is. This is the gift of ‘getting real’. Not for what it informs your mind, but for what it enlivens in your heart.

J: I so feel that gift even as it has been difficult to let in what we are facing as a species. Yet, my experience has been over the last ten years that ‘getting real’ is always preferable to deluding yourself, even if it hurts a lot at times.

DM: I feel the flame of your heart and soul being stripped of its form, Jillian, and therefore able to shine all the more brightly as a beacon to those ready to see it. I see it able to catalyze and penetrate more deeply what is authentic and vulnerable in others.

J: I think I feel what you mean, Mother. It’s what I want to be.

DM: And so it is what you are becoming. And it is the invitation from me to all my sacred human children….that their raw essence is one of love. Many of them have too much form, too many layers, to strip away this life and maybe will experience this in another life or even in another dimension where planets like Earth also exist.

J: What is the biggest thing that most people need to strip away, Mother?

DM: There are many answers to that question, Jillian. But I prefer first to ask rather than tell. What was the biggest thing you’ve had to strip away?

J: The first thing that comes to mind is to strip away the conditioning I’ve received. Social conditioning, family conditioning, relationship conditioning, western world conditioning, religious conditioning, mainstream psychology and spirituality conditioning, nutritional conditioning..and on and on. I’ve been in a process of deconstructing my mainstream conditioning and then experiencing what arises from my authentic essence instead to replace it. Lately, it’s been about stripping away conditioning related to unsustainable lifestyle choices.

DM: That is a major de-conditioning process, Jillian. It doesn’t feel like many souls signed up for that. But for those who did and feel an ache to experience how it feels when the authentic arises after deconstructing the false, then I would offer that the biggest stripping away would be of the denial and blocks that keep them from healing their own hearts and souls. Whatever conditioning they received that this was not important would need to be let go and a priority made of their own healing. And an urgent priority at that…

J: Yes, and this going inside ourselves eventually leads to a stripping away of social and relationship conditioning, which I feel is a huge block on the expression of our authenticity. For example, today is father’s day and it just about makes me choke to feel the congestion of duty, obligation, inauthenticity, and nonvulnerability that categorize most relationships that people have with their fathers. Yet, we all receive conditioning around this ‘holiday’ and feel a pressure to reach out or spend time with or appreciate our fathers. The same is true on mother’s day, birthdays, christmas, anniversaries. It is difficult to feel love on days such as these. Days that aren’t real anyway but been denoted as such mostly be greeting card companies. I have said no to most of this for years now.

DM: And so stripping away involves saying no to what most people hold as their reality.

J: A reality that is in general making most of them miserable and unhappy. A reality that creates a slave race out of humans because the conditioning we receive and pass on creates inauthentic actions and choices that lead to more emotional wounding. The conditioning creates toxic and dead relationships, especially marriages. I feel like the topic of dead marriages is a good one for another day though.

DM: Yes, that is fine. Jillian…..I just want you to feel that even during this time of great turning and death, it is being held with love. Death is necessary to free up love.

J: Even if there are no humans left to experience it?

DM: Yes. It is the most real thing there is and your world has been built on a false foundation of fear. My desire is for that foundation to crumble and maybe some of my human children will survive that crumbling. I do not know. But, what I do know is that love will survive. Even if it only exists in the future between the molecules of water and the sun or the blades of grass and the insect crawling on them.

J: Ok, deep breath…going to go digest this now and I do feel your love, Mother, and it does hold the heartbreak, even if it doesn’t alleviate it.

DM: Good, Jillian. Good to go feel now.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a  book about connecting with the Divine Mother, on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher-student. 

Related Writing:

60 Days With Divine Mother: Message Of Real Love From A Feminine God

Moving From Denial To Conscious Choice: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

 

burning-heart

By Jillian Vriend

Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

Jillian: Hello Mother, I haven’t talked with you in a while, at least here in public.

Divine Mother: No and I’ve missed it, Jillian.

J: Me too. What have you missed?

DM: There is an intimacy and an immediacy to this medium for me that I enjoy very much. This is why I feel that the internet is the great equalizer and connector…until the technology behind it collapses, that is.

J: That’s what was in my heart to talk to you about today, Mother. I have been feeling quite strongly for a few years now how we are currently in a phase of the collapse of the systems that the false self has created: economic, political, social, religious, environmental, etc. These systems were necessary and yet, also, they need to collapse to rebirth a new way that is based on authenticity, love, and the sacred human self.

DM: Well said, Jillian. You feel conceptually and contextually in a beautiful way that can be of service to those who want it. Many souls are waking up to the reality of the collapses that are happening in so many areas, especially those who have already been personally impacted by them. It is easy to get overly immersed in content though….researching WHAT is happening to the cost of not feeling WHY it is happening.

J: I think many people feel why it is happening yet don’t recognize the false self aspect of themselves or that the development of the false self has been a necessary phase of evolution in the human species, as you have offered to us. As a reference, you and I talked about the false self development in this post if people want to read it.

DM: As you and Wayne offered in your talk to others about this topic a few weeks ago, denial is the fuel of the false self to keep the current systems in place.

J: Yes, we feel that denial has a strong currency in the world and that it is used to obscure the ‘facts’ from being presented, to slow practical action from being taken, to numb feelings of unhappiness that would lead to authentic desire expressing. We feel that it comes from the wounded sense of a separate self. A self that feels separate from you, from others, from an authentic core inside needs denial to keep its current world intact. We felt there are four main areas of denial shaping the world that we live in: military/industrial/economic which denies the integrated self; religious structures which deny our sacred humanity and birthright to experience direct connection with the Divine; the New Age love and light picture that denies death as a path to rebirth; and our birth family and social conditioning which deny our true emotional needs and authentic expression.

DM: That is a wonderful delineation of denial, Jillian. And what would you offer is the path to heal denial into awakening consciousness?

J: We offer through SoulFullHeart that connecting with parts of ourselves or subpersonalities in an emotionally conscious way leads to awakening in all areas of our lives. This is an internal process, yet it changes how we see and feel the external world. Also, healing our soul wounds that block connection to Divine source through connecting with our Daemon or soul guardian consciousness allows us to feel our sacred humanity as a reflection of being your children. In SoulFullHeart, we offer a path of de-conditioning from birth family and social conditioning that arises out of connecting with parts of ourselves and feeling what they advocate for in terms of connection or taking space. And, SoulFullHeart offers that it is feeling our pain and embracing our shadow, accepting the natural cycles of death and letting go that allow for rebirth.

DM: When you are in denial of a necessary change or death, you can only be a victim to it when it inevitably happens. If you can feel and then choose, that makes all the difference in how you experience the change.

J: Can you say more?

DM: When you ‘let something happen to you’ you are dis-empowered and all you can do is respond. Sometimes, this is the necessary and surrendered path. However, many people live from this default state at all times. They are in denial of and resistant to the changes that they NEED to make in their lives and so they can only experience changes that happen as traumatic and not digestable because of it. They can eventually accept and adapt to these changes, yet it is very different to make these changes from a conscious place that is feeling all there is to feel before, during, and after.

J: This is what we feel the sacred human self can do as it is differentiated from the false self and other parts. It can make the space for this digestion and choosing process.

DM: Yes, which is what you are currently holding as you digest and choose to move to Mexico in October.

J: I would describe my digestion process around that since we first felt the call to do it a few weeks ago as an up and down, ebb and flow process. There have been moments of real excitement and anticipation then moments of fear and anxiety contraction. The contractions don’t stop the momentum around practical planning for the trip, but I do make space to feel what is going on rather than powering through them. I don’t deny that they are there.

DM: This is an important point. If you make the conscious choice to make a change, then you can hold and respond to it – similar to the way a pregnant woman responds and holds both the positive and difficult changes that are happening in her body as the baby grows inside of her. The pregnant woman knows that something is dying (her previous life before she had children or her body as it was before it was pregnant) and yet also that something will be born out of the dying. This is the process of labor: the contractions that cause pain produce life.

J: I would say the human species is going through more dying than birth labor right now. As Wayne says, it really feels like a hospice phase. Or as part of my Daemon named Dys would say, ‘It is an ash in the air time.’

DM: Ash in the air, yes. And toxins in the water. And poisons in the food. It is a great phase of dying of that which can no longer be sustained.

J: I feel the heaviness of this time we are in, Mother. I feel this deep sense of death and loss that is coming. It is hanging over me at all times even as I feel joy in the moment. It actually brings more poignancy to the moment to feel what is coming, similar to how some dying people feel about their lives after they receive their diagnosis.

DM: Continue to feel the heaviness and the joy both, Jillian. There is sacredness in both. Sacredness to the process of death, labor, and birthing. You are living in a highly sacred time.

J: And a highly scary one.

DM: Yes, it can be scary for parts of you to feel the changes coming. Yet, as you said, feeling this fear and not denying it is the key. Can you imagine how much power and love would be accessible if world leaders could just say, “I am afraid” and feel and share their fears rather than unfeelingly ordering yet another wave of drone strikes or ground troop attacks?

J: Wow, yes, I feel how powerful that would be. The fears that they are trying so hard to deny by taking violent actions would be able to be surfaced and felt which would actually give them access to more authentic power inside of them. I imagine that their choices would be much different. One thing that I feel fear about is that the men who we placed authority on to have their fingers on the buttons that lead to mass destruction make decisions from their unfelt fears, pain, and congestion. These are the people that we declare our leaders in a time such as this?

DM: They are a reflection of the systems that they are going to help collapse. Those with awakened heart and soul consciousness will be called upon to lead and serve when the great birth labor phase arises out of the ashes. Yes, people like you and Wayne.

J: It has been difficult for our message to be received now, before this collapse. It’s like we are invisible in a big way and what we are trying to bring can’t penetrate the layers of denial.

DM: Yes, that is an aspect of what you are experiencing. And you have the next phase of your own journey to undertake that will draw those who are in resonance.

J: That’s what it feels like to me. Mother, I wanted to ask you: What would you guide someone to do who feels the collapses that are happening?

DM: Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

J: Thank you, Mother. I think we’ll complete on that note for today.

DM: Yes, ok, feels as if we have more conversations to have about this in public, yes?

J: Yes, I was feeling that too and I am very open to that. Just as Wayne is open to Yeshua’s guidance and connection during this phase of transition for us and the world.

DM: Good. I look forward to that.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a  book about connecting with the Divine Mother and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. 

Related Writing:

60 Days With Divine Mother: Message Of Real Love From A Feminine God

Learning Wants To Possess You With Childlike Wonder – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Four

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

The wonder of being a small child has been crowded out by what we learned (posessed) and replaced with duty, obligation and entitlement.

Wayne – Yeshua, Good Morning? Are your ears on?

Yeshua – Always on, my man.

W – I like it when you call me that…:)

Y – Good! What’s up, my man?

W – I’d like to ask you about learning.

Y – You never get enough do you? We talked about that already, didn’t we?

W – Yeah, but I forgot it all.

Y – Well, how am I supposed to learn you anything if you can’t remember?

W – The fun was in learning, and going ‘wow,’ so I figured if I forgot it all, then I could have fun relearning it. I got that from you actually. Forgetting shit is what leads to being re-membered.

Y – See that, you are learning.

W – Learning to know how to be in not knowing.

Y – And THAT is what tickets you into the theatre of real learning which is always and ever beholding wonder. Wonder by definition is not knowing. Canned knowledge, the kind that most peddle in schools, is learning stripped of wonder.

W – How do I get back to being in wonder, then? I know I suffer from the deadness you are referring to.

Y – Like any other learning, you hold the quest of the question, and see that you can never own or be entitled to any knowing, you can only and ever humbly be a partaker of the wonder, and temporarily at that.

W – Whoa…

Y – And realize that all knowledge is born of not knowing and eventually returns to being forgotten, which is to renunciate (for-get) ownership of the knowledge that was gotten.

W – Knowledge will cease…

Y – Yes, in order to let die what is dying and make way for new wonder.

W – So how do I apply that to say, my spanish studies, is what I’d like to know? By the way, Yeshua, I can so feel the part of me invested in this conversation who feels like a late teenager but is so wanting to learn and grow and make his life count.

Y – Hello to that part of you, Wayne. I recall him as Marvin, yes?

W – Yes, Marvin says ‘Hey Yeshua.’ I think I’ll just let him in on this conversation.

Y – Hey Marvin, I’m liking your desire to be in wonder.

Marvin – Thanks, Yeshua.

Y – What would you say about what we are talking about?

M – I’m feeling how the wonder of being a small child has been forgotten and crowded out by what we learned in school and how getting back to aliveness is about unlearning, not more learning, at least in the way we’ve related to learning.

Y – That says it in a really cool way. And it says how even the essence of childlike wonder is forgotten, but its imprint remains and calls to us.

M – Which is what I want to get back to.

Y- Why?

M – Because it’s boring and dead to be removed from wonder.

Y – Here’s a secret, you don’t need to go back to anything. Nature doesn’t work that way.

M – Huh?

Y – You can get to where you want to be by going forward.

M – That sounds good, but how do I do that?

Y – The childlike wonder gave rise to canned knowledge and to adultlike duty and obligation and entitlement that crowded out the wonder, right?

M – Exactly.

Y – So duty,obligation, and entitlement killed the wonder. Feel the deadness of what you once treasured, how it feels so hopeless to ever return to wonder. That is being in the deadness, which is never dead as we think of it. Death is always alchemical and transmutational. The compost heap of yesterday’s knowledge wants to transmute into the rich and vital organic soil of new wonder.

M – Forgetting in order to be re-membered…

Y – …into never ending wonder

M – How does that relate to our spanish lessons then?

Y – Know that as you learn to speak any word or phrase in spanish, it is being given to you, entrusted, you cannot own it. You don’t actually own english. Owning is the entitled sense that you have english conquered, and thereby you killed the wonder of the experience. Instead feel how language is a collective energy of flowing, not static knowledge, that is given to those who will steward this energy. Get that down pat and you should be able to learn Spanish just fine.

M – But I need to let go of trying to capture the knowledge…

Y – Yes, that’s it. Instead seek to be the grandest host you can be for the knowledge, be a temporary steward of it in its never ending cycle of death and rebirth into more and more wonder. Knowing and not knowing.

M – But I still feel a lot of energy to possess the learning, nail it down, get ahead and all that stuff.

Y – Feel instead how learning wants to possess you. It wants to be hosted in you, animated by you. Learning and wonder can’t have its fun without you.

M – So sign up for letting wonder be reborn in me?

Y – Totally.

M – Thanks, Yeshua

Y – You’re so welcome. I so wait for the day that more folks get onto this phase of real learning. There’s so much more wonder aching to be born.

Wayne – Whoa, Marvin’s an energy all of his own. We were up late last night eating vegan chocolate ice cream and studying spanish, and then we got onto what is real learning and he wanted to talk this out with you. Between the chocolate and the excitement, it was hard getting to sleep. My head still hurts.

Y – I love that feeling of new desire leading and aching out what feels like birth contractions.

W – My aching head needs some more life space to integrate all this Yesh. I think I’ll break here.

Y – Yeah, learning is never ending and it needs life to be in it healthily.

W – Now you can’t stop.

Y – No I can’t. Wonder is so very cool. Thank you Wayne and Marvin for your desire to learn. Learning is all just desire, you know?

W – No, I don’t know, but I’ll save that for another day.

Y – Desire, set free from possessing.

W – Next day Yeshua, Okay.

Y – This is why we have cycles of days you know, to let in more wonder.

W – No I don’t know.

Y – Good!

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

All Learning Is Actually Heart-Based Learning – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Three

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

 

 

 

missiontomewayneBy Wayne Vriend

Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

Wayne – Good morning again, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne, what is moving in you?

W – Jillian and I are oceanside, up on a ridge, plenty of view through tall evergreens, great sun, finally warm and the oxygen is amazing.

Y – You noticed the oxygen?

W – I take a deep breath of it when I step outside. It’s pure and alive.

Y – So you’re breathing deeper?

W – Yeah, that’s true physically and metaphorically.

Y – Things that are true physically are true metaphorically.

W – As in?

Y – One day at a time is true physically, right?

W – Uh-huh.

Y – and it’s true metaphorically.

W – We’re getting too simple, part of me says…

Y – You can never get too simple. It’s in the simplicity that complexity is both born as well as sustained.

W – Are you taking us on a mental trip this morning?

Y – We’re only using the mental as a vehicle to probe the heart and open the heart. All learning is actually heart-based learning. All learning begins with feeling and is even sustained by feeling.

W – Wouldn’t some math students beg to differ?

Y – The math student that labors dutifully with learning and doesn’t seem to engage his heart actually has his heart deeply engaged in the process. He just isn’t aware of it. Somewhere in his heart, he has agreed that to get ahead, or to get acceptance, he must sacrifice himself to the most heartless and boring form of learning. It may look like a bunch of mental learning, but it is a human heart first that is the agency of the mind. In this case, it is a wounded heart, on life support that’s leading.

W – Whoa, you’re opening my heart right now.

Y – And what do you feel as that happens?

W – I feel desire, like a deeper breathing, a resonance with an abundant universe, like no shortage of oxygen.

Y – Simplify that a bit for me.

W – I feel good.

Y – You-feel-good. Good. You were created to feel good.

W – A feel good religion?

Y – Totally. I never claimed anything more or less.

W – You didn’t balk at the word, ‘religion’?

Y – I never challenged people’s religions, I challenged their inauthenticity with themselves. Many people are originally drawn to a religion because it made them feel really good. I just want to revive their feel good mechanism, by getting them in touch with how bad they are actually feeling.

W – That’s almost too basic, Yeshua. It’s like offensive to the sophisticated self.

Y – Real learning is soo childlike. Children are natural and complete learners.

W – I love that line of yours – ‘Allow the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of heaven’.

Y – Yeah, and don’t forget the back story. It was a bunch of adults clamoring around me, and they were shushing the noisy children from interrupting their order. I had to make them feel that those childrens interruptions were actually far more in line with learning than their clamoring energy.

W – I can so feel in me a desire to de-adultize myself right now.

Y – I feel that in you and it feels good.

W – Any advice on how to bolster that?

Y – Yes, feel the difference between the pursuit of knowledge or learning or ability from this tainted adult mindset of sophisticated learning and then feel the raw curiosity that the young child has before he or she ‘learned’ to feel superior because of what they learned, which was actually their first damper on learning. Ok, that was a long sentence. What I meant to say is, feel the difference between what is meant and felt by the popular usage of the word ‘learning’, feel the bullshit in it, and then feel the young child’s curiosity, wonder. Ok, that was another long sentence. The short answer is….’feel.’

W – It’s like I can feel the feel good reality like a small child knows it and compare that with the heavily dampened adult feel good reality that is mostly a medicative mechanism.

Y – Yes, you were meant to feel good, and when you don’t feel good, that feeling is the feeling you are given to be with.

W – Like a child doesn’t always feel good?

Y – True, but don’t mistake happiness and contentment or the lack thereof with an absence of feeling.

W – Huh?

Y – The child cries when its needs are not met. It is in feeling touch with its needs, and it makes noise and scrunches up to signal that it wants something. It wants to return to feeling good, but it is still in feeling reality. Feeling based on simple real needs and desires is what’s leading, not the complexity of conformity or inauthenticity.

W – It’s like the child is in touch and so is current with their feelings. Loss or need is expressing in the present, so there isn’t pain or baggage being carried from previous undigested losses.

Y – And that, my friend, is the big dilemma that you are wrestling with in the ache to return to essence. How does one process pain so as to make it digestible?

W – Please go on…

Y – I’d like to learn for a moment here. You give me your best childlike feeling-based answer to that question. Don’t worry if your adult language gets a bit wordy.

W – Hmm, it starts with an awareness that something is limiting and enclosing me off from the quality of the oxygen I was once used to. I don’t expect that I should feel good all the time, but now I recognize that I have become OK with feeling bad. I no longer scream or scrunch up or cry. The only way through the backlog of the baggage of pain, that is the pain I chose to carry along with me, rather than feel it in the moment.

Y – I love that. Simple as that.

W – But there are entire doctorates of learning on this subject in the mental health world.

Y – When learning denies simplicity, it wonders for years in the desert of complexity.

W – Why does learning deny simplicity?

Y – Great childlike question. Why do you think it does that?

W – Well, what comes first for me is the self image grab that folks are looking for in sophistication.

Y – And why would anyone be out looking to grab onto self image?

W – Because they lack a feeling good self, as they are, that needs no image at all.

Y – And why do they lack a feeling good self?

W – Because they stopped feeling good somewhere along the way.

Y – And how did that come about?

W – I think it’s because they were threatened with conformity and fear of loss by a caregiver telling them and training them to be different than they were being.

Y – And why would a tragedy such as that occur under the pretense of care, no less?

W – Because the adult was no longer comfortable with the raw feelings of the child and misery wants company.

Y – And why would misery need company to such degree to sacrifice one’s own child for the cause?

W – Because adults are fucked. Mostly.

Y – What are you feeling as you say that?

W – I’m feeling pissed at how I was duped into giving up my reality for theirs.

Y – There’s a true learning feeling-need that wants to scream and scrunch up. Give it the oxygen that it once knew, but has ‘learned’ to do without.

W – Screaming and oxygen go together.

Y – Yes, good one. You find the scream by tracing back to where you left off the path feeling truly good, and then scream like hell every time you feel tempted to sacrifice your own truth under the barbaric guise of care.

W – Without getting hauled off to the looney bin?

Y – There’s no way to do that actually. If it’s not the literal looney bin, it’s the figurative one being excommunicated by your social world.

W – Where belonging means shutting up just like at 2 years old.

Y – What are you taking from all of this today, Wayne?

W – I so want to re-authorize, even so much more than I already have, my felt reality.

Y – And what is that?

W – My felt reality is self permission to feel and to desire.

Y – Say more.

W – Well, part of me actually is very native still to this feeling desiring world like the one I was born into, but a part of me that has regulated down this reality and judged it as unsafe. I still need to apply for permits to it to have feeling ‘events,’ rather than being simply in full time feeling reality.

Y – And why are you bringing this up on this journey blog series with me?

W – You brought this up?

Y – But you’re talking with yourself.

W – No, you’re talking with yourself.

Y – Good one. You guys are all trying to get spiritual by seeking to know and feel your divinity, while divinity is trying to get in touch with its humanity.

W – That’s kind of a mindblower.

Y – Yeah, thought so. It’s not, ‘what would Jesus do?’ It’s, ‘what would Wayne do?’ What would Wayne do if he was really in his truest human expression where no undigested pain of conformity and compliance were setting the sails?

W – Whoa, now there’s a reality I’d like to find. A back to essence journey. I don’t know the answer to that.

Y – And you know, the divine doesn’t either. It’s reading the book hoping for its money’s worth in an engaging, moving, and learning story. Stories that have stopped learning are complete. They die and return to essence and get back to their beginnings of curiosity and wonder. That’s why you are drawn to journey, Wayne. It’s renewing your lease on learning, not from a place of the power of knowing, but from a place of the wonder and magic of not knowing.

W – So what now?

Y – Breathe deep and feel.

W – But I’ve got a ton of stuff that I feel need guidance, effort, attention and decisions around this adventure that seems to be possessing me more and more.

Y – And the first order of business is deep breathing and feeling like a child does and getting back to essence because that is the entire journey in a nutshell. Everything you learn and grow in in this discovery is nothing more than that. You just need lots of varied life freed from what you’ve learned to get back to learning and to being alive.

W – Okay, there’s a good pause point, because I actually have all the time in the world.

Y – All the time in the world has you.

W – : ) Thanks, Yeshua, Not sure what that means, but I’ll let it in.

Y – Breathe in, Breathe out.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

You Can’t Take A Journey And Stay Where You Are – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day Two

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

 

missiontomewayne

By Wayne Vriend

Staying where you are is a settler’s picture, and it is all right and good when the stars are aligned for that. Settling follows journey though, and is a reward and a natural sequence of rest following a great undertaking. People in your culture find no joy or depth of meaning in their settling and instead get jacked up on religion, materialism, and pop culture because their settling wasn’t preceded by any journey of heart and passion. They’re just doing time in the culture they were born into.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Hey Wayne, Good Morning.

W – Summers definitely here, a bit on the early side of it, but it’s here. The morning birdsong is really sweet.

Y – Cool. What’s cooking now?

W – Well, this is a daily ride already, daily ups and downs. Yesterday was an opened out feeling after our talk and then a contraction of mourning and what felt like a fear, even some tears, but I think the word ‘contraction’ better describes it than a fear, though there is definitely concern for how we will be around food and shelter and safety.

Y – What was the contraction over?

W – It felt like some sadness over letting go of the place we’ve made home, our attachment to it, the comfort in it. Jillian and I have been in the Motorhome RV we call Terra for 5 months now, and it’s just been getting to a place where part of me really likes the ease and simplicity of it, the easy budget, the reduced efforts around chasing fiat currency, the trees, the creek, the ocean.

Y – I love how you guys are so current with your feelings. You wouldn’t be able to walk this out with a bunch of unfelt and unhealed reactions clogging your heart.

W – Thank you, Yeshua. I’ve had that very same feeling. It feels good to let in that we have come a long ways, that we have achieved something, that we reached for something that mattered in pursuing our own emotional healing and especially the letting go of what stood in the way of that. It’s hurt like hell at times, but the rewards have been present tense.

Y – It doesn’t get talked about because it has been so off radar. Hell, it was off my radar. Being in shape emotionally takes work and choice and a way of life to support that. It’s what’s next for humanity.

W – You said a moment ago ‘being able to walk this out?’ Can you tell me more about what this is?

Y – You don’t know?

W – I know what I don’t know.

Y – I like that answer. 🙂 THIS is a growth in discovery, beginning from where you are right now, where desire and choice are emerging into your consciousness, precipitating more desire and the contractions you refer to. It’s a process that you surrender to, that changes you as you go. You can’t linearly and literally know what this is, but you can feel it and respond to it in real and grounded ways where the heart is leading and clarity is following and trailing close behind. It’s like we talked about before…….you can’t steer a parked car. It begins with motion.

W – I like what you said yesterday, or was it me? That you can’t embark on a journey and stay where you are.

Y – I said that.

W – I thought it was me.

Y – Well, we’re wrapped up in this pretty closely. Maybe we both downloaded it and one of us spoke it. Speaking prophetically is as easy as falling off a log when you open your heart and let out your desire.

W – I’m learning that and liking that. Somehow though that simple statement about staying or leaving hits me deeply. Can you say more in that prophetic energy of yours?

Y – Staying where you are is a settler’s picture, and it is all right and good when the stars are aligned for that. Settling follows journey though, and is a reward and a natural sequence of rest following a great undertaking. People in your culture find no joy or depth of meaning in their settling and instead get jacked up on religion, materialism, and pop culture because their settling wasn’t preceded by any journey of heart and passion. They’re just doing time in the culture they were born into.

W – I feel that in myself with all the journeying I’ve done this life. I heard it said years ago that all of life is essentially about entering and leaving. I like that because it makes sacred in our awareness all the stages and phases of life, even how we enter and hopefully leave times of darkness, or being asleep to deeper reality, both personally and collectively.

Y – It’s really coded deep into human life. Every human life is a journey, starting with a cell or two. Desire leads it on. Contractions are not intended to arrest the journey, but to open it out to deeper meaning and fulfillment. The divine is seeking its own fulfillment through you. The fullness that fills all in all and all that.

W – For me personally, I feel I’m approaching a ceiling in my growth where to remain too much longer in this culture and country of my birth seems to be grating against my next growth edge. And it’s getting really boring and uninteresting as well.

Y – So what’s your sense of what’s at stake?

W – Well, that’s emerging more than it is here for me in stark clarity, but what I can feel right now is I know I am meant to inhabit a deeper passion, a deeper leadership, a deeper soul energetic that people around can feel that compels them to drop their own facades and false gods. I’m having trouble doing that where I am also invested in the settler’s making ends meet picture, and fitting into some charismatic leader picture that draws a following.

Y – I say fuck the charismatic leader picture, Wayne. Charisma, as it’s become known today is almost a hundred percent bullshit. The era of the charismatic leader is over and it’s not selling like it used to. It was a good ride while it lasted, but mostly in the sense that it brought us collectively to a readiness to abandon that ship and seek a much more seaworthy vessel for the journey of our lives. Realness will soon be the only currency that spends in the domains of what actually matters.

W – Okay then. Fuck that picture. I really spent a long time in my life imagining myself as a sought after and famous charismatic leader. My buy-in into Christianity this life and others was mostly about that I can feel now, to be about ‘what really mattered,’ and to be well known for that.

Y – It may well be in your soul path, Wayne, to be well known at some point, but right now, every well known leader is in the middle of a collective bullshit detector shit storm where humanity is growing up and owning their own responsibility to follow their own lead. If you can lead in that, whoever follows, in whatever number, won’t lack for any meaning or fulfillment.

W – So we’re in the midst of these ideological journeys as a species that involve leaving safe shores and letting die things that were really treasured and revered…

Y – …that mirrors the physical journey you guys are feeling called to. The journey you take always manifests itself in real life action and choice. Deadness and boredom are a manifestation of remaining somewhere when you are called to leave. Leaving is the path to re-engagement.

W – Yeshua, what about the folks, though, that relate to travel or leaving as some medication to their unfelt emotional pains?

Y – Yeah, like the Christians who can’t wait for the rapture.

W – Exactly, or the folks who can’t wait for their next package ‘vacation.’

Y – Only people who are stuck see travel as a dream, or a medication for their pain. You’ve dealt to a pretty high degree with your stuckness this life having finished up with Christianity and a marriage that was complete and a self image that was running out of gas in all of that. Leaving a culture behind that you are considering now isn’t a travel package; it’s a next step into life. You’re not vacating something that you plan to return to, your leaving something behind for good, because it gets burned up as you go. There’s nothing to return to. That’s why parts of you, of course, have their necessary contraction reaction. It’s no different really than leaving the womb.

W – You’re a lot to take in, Yeshua.

Y – Did you get that point? – contractions precede birthings.

W – I know you can’t quit…yes, I need to take in that point…thank you. Thank you for your willingness to digest and feel this whole emerging trajectory with me. I feel this whole thing can be so much more lovingly navigated than what part of me imagines it to be at times.

Y – Well, like you said, this is a mission first to every part of yourself. In the end, you’re the only person you can save.

W – Is that true?

Y – Let’s save that for another day.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.

The World Of Never Ending Discovery – Mission To Me Journal With Wayne And Yeshua: Day One

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

missiontome

By Wayne Vriend

This discovery is about actually making real inside of you and outside of you a new story, that doesn’t impose anything on anyone, but offers the same heart open invitation to others that you are making to yourself. It’s ready to feel anything and everything that comes up along the way to be felt and re-membered back into your heart.

Wayne – Good Morning, Yeshua.

Yeshua – Good Morning, Wayne.

W – I know that’s kind of a cultural greeting, but it somehow works for us.

Y – It works for us because our hearts are open, and that energy transmutes the words into heartland.

W – Energy really is more than the words or the language, isn’t it?

Y – Way more. The language is born from the energy. The connecting starts first in the energy, then that opens out into shared dialect, which makes for dialogue, or conversation, from and by which you are literally ‘converted.’

W – Whoa, you feel ready to go…

Y – I am.

W – You say, ‘literally converted’…

Y – Yeah, that’s using words to provoke and awaken. It’s a license I give myself. It doesn’t always find its target, but I keep probing till it does.

W – There’s been a lot of ‘conversion’ energy gone on in your name, so I’m curious why you chose such a charged word.

Y – Yeah, that’s the cool thing about charged words; they help crack through the shell of normalcy and return you to wonder and awe with the world around you. The wonder of language works well for both putting to sleep or to awakening. I chose the word convert, to draw awareness to its root of conversation. From there, it’s easy to feel how either a conversation can be imbued with heart, which cannot leave both parties unchanged, or it can be imbued with the mental mechanics of head designed to screen out the heart, which leaves both parties deadened. Conversation of heart brings both to conversion.

W – Conversion to what though?

Y – Conversion to the world of heart. It’s a return to essence. It’s a return to the life force interconnecting all living things and all matter, on all planes, both seen and unseen. Something like that.

W – It’s got me going.

Y – Do you remember I said ‘you need not that any man teach you, for the spirit of truth shall lead you into all truth.’

W – I do recall. King James english and all.

Y – See, thou knowest. 🙂 Here’s the deal though, I was a man teaching that you don’t need a man to teach you. What I meant was your heart is sovereign over the influence of any other. Through the heart, you can feel what feels true and what doesn’t. You can only and ever follow your truth. That mechanism gets messed up though when people are unable to access their own heart and that dimension is blocked and there is no healthy self ‘author’-ity. Then they are left to being converted by an other instead of being mutually changed into more and more heartland expression.

W – I like that.

Y – I like that too, and can get caught up in the theory of it all, but we didn’t come here just to mentally masturbate over metaphysics,…. what brings you here, Wayne?

W – Yeshua, I’ve been having a big flood of desire rumble through for about a week now. It feels a bit like a rising earthquake, and a roller coaster all in one. I feel I really need your help to not let an ounce of this life juice go to waste.

Y – Earthquake rumbling roller coaster of desire…around what?

W – It’s a bit vulnerable to put it into words, publicly. I’d like to digest with you too whether this should be public, but I think I already know,…what has arisen is a deep desire to take a journey and leave my geographical and cultural home and possibly never come back.

Y – Say more.

W – I feel I’ve reached a ceiling, or maybe am approaching a ceiling in my growth this life by living in the culture and way of life afforded me by the country and culture of my birth. Something really basic in my wiring around way of life, livelihood, language even, money and self image stuff that leaves me on a safe shore, but uninitiated to something deeper. It’s the settler vs discoverer thing coming back to haunt me. Jillian’s infected with this too. So is Christopher. We’ve been infecting each other, you might say. It’s already been times of excitement and desire, and then feeling ‘what are we thinking?’

Y – And how do you feel I could help with this?

W – Well, I guess you could say it gets back to what you said earlier. I need to be changed by heart to heart conversation and conversion if I’m going to undertake holding this desire, let alone undertake the choices around it all.

Y – Ok then, we weren’t just mentally masturbating together then.

W – Nope.

Y – Entire worlds of exploration are left closed to us when we cannot access heart, and heart is accessed by heart. You can do this self to self and you can do this self with other. Both are true. Both are alive, and both are largely kept off people’s radar because new world’s long and call to be explored, and most don’t have the coin to make the purchase.

W – You sound like you’re into helping me sort through this one?

Y – Wouldn’t miss it for the world, you could say, but more accurately in my book, this is the world…never ending discovery.

W – And if not discovery for the sake of pillaging and conquering, then what, Yeshua?

Y – Pillaging and conquering is all about the story of separation and scarcity. This discovery is about actually making real inside of you and outside of you a new story. A story that doesn’t impose anything on anyone, but offers the same heart open invitation to others that you are making to yourself. It’s ready to feel anything and everything that comes up along the way to be felt and re-membered back into your heart. It’s a profoundly personal journey and profoundly an interconnected journey with all humanity. It’s subscribing to a new story.

W – A new story that I can’t quite access in the way I’d like to by remaining where I am…

Y – You can’t take a journey and stay where you are…no.

W – This is going to be a ride, Yeshua. I can feel it in you, and what it stirs in us. Any idea what we can name it for the sake of the blog?

Y – Not a clue.

W – No way… I stumped you for words?

Y – What would you name it without killing it?

W – I know what you mean, language is so used to capture and conquer, to help manage our unfelt fears.

Y – Maybe you need to keep renaming it as you go, by letting the name evolve and flow from those together on the journey, as you are changed by the journey.

W – I like that, but I still need something to put at the top of this for now.

Y – As in a ‘title,’ as if you then ‘own’ it.

W – Can I ‘title’ it something without owning it and killing it?

Y – That’s going to take some work actually, and some collaborating to steward this into being rather than owning it into being.

W – I thought of calling it ‘Mission to Me.’

Y – I like the feel of that for now. Maybe add in their somehow – ‘the journal of my journey’

W – I feel like we’ve just opened a big can of whoop-ass worms.

Y – It’s gonna take fight, you’re right, and rest too.

W – I want to feel every inch of this with you, and with those that are drawn into the journey.

Y – I’ll show up for that.

W – I waited this week to try and be sure that I would show up for what I knew you would be willing to show up for.

Y – All you have to show up for is your own heart Wayne. The rest takes care of itself.

W – I’ve got some major climatizing to do for this next leg of my journey. I’m looking forward to the learning and the liberation.

Y – I’m into this for the same reasons Wayne. As a teacher of humanity, I only get to my next places by going there with others.

W – Talk again tomorrow?

Y – Totally. One day at a time.

In this blog series, Mission To Me Journal, Wayne Vriend shares his unedited and vulnerable journal conversations with Yeshua, who he experiences as an ascended teacher energy available to everyone.These blogs offer Wayne’s process and digestions with Yeshua as he undergoes internal and external preparation to hit the road with his wife Jillian and Christopher Tydeman to explore and eventually settle in Mexico and/or Central America in October 2014 to offer service and conscious community. Read 90 Days With Yeshua: Modern Message From An Ascended Teacher and Ending The Money Madness With Wayne And Yeshua for more enlightening conversations between Wayne and Yeshua.