The Pain Of Letting Go Into Love

By Raianna Shai

Letting go is one of the hardest processes we go to through in our lives. Whether it’s letting go of a career, a pattern/habit, a geography, or a relationship it can bring up so much for us to process. Letting go is so much harder than holding on.

Parts of us can judge us for our decision – feeling that you made a mistake, that you hurt or disappointed someone, that you did something wrong or will regret your decision. The best thing to do here is to feel compassion for this part. Give it love knowing that it just wants the best for you and it may be scared that it couldn’t protect you from this pain you may feel.

Letting go is painful but it also leads to a beautiful new beginning. Maybe you get that new job you always wanted or a geography that inspires your heart and soul. Maybe you get the chance at a new phase of an old relationship or a new one that reflects the love you have cultivated inside.

It can feel like you’re dying inside during this process. Like you’ll never feel happy or be yourself again. Or maybe you feel hurt and angry and find it hard to feel why it’s all happening, especially if it felt out of your control. Maybe you can’t feel anything or you can’t stop feeling everything.

And sometimes it comes in waves. A comment here or a reminder there can spark tears at the drop of a hat. Then you have a moment of clarity, a moment of knowing it will all be okay. Then you feel the guilt or the shame and it all comes crumbling back down. These are all parts of you that have reasons for feeling the way they do. Feel the pain, but let the clarity and love hold it all.

Whatever you feel there is always another side of it. A realization waiting to happen. A new love for yourself and life will start to creep in. A new view on what you have and what you want to have will fill your heart and inspire you.

All this can happen if you truly let go. Let go of expectations, let go of judging yourself or others, let go of what others might think of you. Mourn the loss, mourn what could have been and the goodness of what was and then let love fill the space. As hard as that may sound right now, it will come. Whether it takes days, months or years it will come and it will be beautiful.

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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Allowing Your Mourning To Open Your Heart

by Kalayna Colibri

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There are different life phases where a mourning process of some kind sets in. Parts of you can feel overwhelmed with grief… sometimes wanting to lash out, sometimes wanting to simply cocoon in until the storm passes, and maybe the two of these are combined in some moments too. Life can feel ‘cruel’ to parts, especially as it is often so hard to try and see the bigger picture holding the process you have found yourself immersed in, sometimes without much warning at all.

What I feel to invite now, is for all of us to feel it and be with it. Let it move into you, feeling it through, being in the tears. Parts of you need this ‘time’. They need to simply be held. The time for reframing for them and moving on from the suffering of it into more context and ultimately a deeper trust in love, life, self and the Divine too will emerge naturally, especially if the rawness is felt first. 3D reality has conditioned other parts of us to want to stymie the whole process of mourning and grief and they have deeply taken that in and held it as the only possibility. Even some spiritual practices encourage ‘letting go’ as the number one priority, yet ‘letting love’ is what comes first… letting love in to do its work, which comes into the heart, illuminates and presses on the bumps and bruises to allow the feeling to come in and flow out, which ultimately brings us the gift of deep healing and a naturally arising sense of joy and trust on the other side of it.

Ultimately, mourning of anything or anyone… any relationship, any life phase… is a process of alchemy. It is a process of creation and recreation in an extremely powerful way, as all movements within the heart truly are. It is an opportunity to allow in compassion as the mourning churns and moves and eventually fades, too. Compassion for the person or thing or perhaps beloved pet you are letting go of. Compassion for the life they led, the phases had with you, their needs for the next phase of life or death or anything in between that they now need to be with and live into. This is perhaps one of the most challenging things to feel for parts of us, yet it is the place where I feel we are ultimately guided to by pure love frequencies, as we feel everything that’s NOT compassion first, as well as the deep mourning and sense of loss in parts of us.

What truly moves us into our next phases and places is ‘e-motion’… our feelings rise and fall as they need to and this is what maps out the terrain of our next growth points and places of deeper inhabitation in our lives. It is often a very powerful sojourn into the unknown of life that launches us into our most profound awakenings and healing. This is what leads us, by the heart, into our Sacred Humanity and all that this new phase of humanity entails… ❤

With you, in whatever mourning processes you may be going through, as I am also in the various layers of mine…

Kalayna ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Letting Go WITH Love

by Kalayna Colibri

letting go with love

Letting go WITH love… this phrase is becoming more poignant now, bringing with it deeper meanings. We are being invited to really feel it. It can no longer mean letting go and closing a door for good or with numbness. This is being challenged by so many disasters and tragedies, all intended to evoke, not dampen or inspire numbness and escape. A broken wall becomes a doorway into another reality, another timeline. It is happening with our need to feel more now, to be faced with our shadows, to go INto it all, as it flows through and moves us too. No process is without fluidity. It is all a moving current, moving with what you are currently feeling, being and healing.

There is less and less stagnancy possible now. All is moving, even the ‘stuckness’ feelings and patterns. As you are invited to let go, you are invited to do so with love, with a full heart, and with deep care that begins from you to you. There are some things that cannot be let go of right now. Not while parts of you need them still. This is okay. They won’t need them forever. Eventually, these ‘needs’ which can look and feel like addictions, move too as you go inward, holding mourning processes with parts of you while also letting in that this ‘need’ was never all that loving towards you or them in the first place. This can be a romantic relationship, your relationship to your pet, a friend or birth family member. It can be a drug, prescription or not. It can be sex or shopping. It can be a part’s escape through your mobile phone or computer or gaming system. It can be and often is food too. There are so many ways that loops of ‘I want love, but I’m settling for this pattern and stuckness instead’ can express. These too want to be felt and moved WITH love… let go of with love. But only if there is love powerfully present in your heart and in your life, can this become possible for you.

Letting go becomes a practice of being… holding an open hand and open heart, feeling ‘attachments’ where your heart and parts have been invested, holding it all as good, letting in the space for the tears of mourning and eventually the tears of joy. Both sometimes happen at once, as timelines emerge and collapse and emerge again.

Letting go becomes an experience of the heart… feeling the fullness of feeling all there is to feel. Baking in the goodness and the sadness, giving all relationships their due. This is hard, especially for your Inner Protector, as he/she would prefer to just ‘move on’ and suppress the lessons, the mirrors, the love that wants to come to you through these emotional landscapes within, that when taken in deeply could transform your life and end suffering loops too. Your Inner Protector can be felt in this desire to numb out instead of feel and share with you why it has been this way and why allowing you to feel on your way out the door has been scary. Outrage is far easier to lean into at times, wanting to blame many or even just a few… or yourself too. Yet this is numbing somehow too. Numbing to the reality of where the experience wants to take you…. the journey and process to self-forgiveness and a greater sense of your love and worth. The journey and process of finding out what’s underneath it all, what led you here, what is underpinning the whole experience.

Letting go WITH love wants to live and breathe in your being. Letting IN with love is the reality at your doorstep. Perhaps eventually it all leads to simply letting love, period –  where the comings and goings are not really events anymore, but instead, there is a way to just be and move with it, with fluidity and fluency, stillness and grace. For now, the feeling part is often the hardest…. but the one that will lead you to more of the love flow that so wants to flood your every part and every ache and every single bit of joy too. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

Restless Energies Within And Moving Into New Timelines Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually

by Kalayna Colibri

moving on

 

Forgotten, long-lost items are found once again. Finally coming around to cleaning those nooks and crannies where dust and old energies have gotten stuck. Moving on from one space and into another is a process for sure, one that happens with many emotional reactions as we let go of one phase and embrace another. There are physical body reactions too as we enter a new space where old energy needs to be cleared and we feel the clearing too of our ‘old’ space that once held our energy to the brim and beyond. It is a shakedown of sorts, loosening up and releasing something that no longer fits us on a deeper level, though in many cases parts of us may still have attachments to what we moving on from. Sometimes this ‘letting go’ is and needs to be an ongoing process for a while, or a process that ebbs and flows, may seem to be over, but eventually comes back around again. On a soul level, it is natural to want to move on from one place to another, especially as we discover and desire to be in more of our soul bigness, purpose, and power.

This journey of packing up, leaving behind, exploring the new, is something we’re all experiencing now in different waves and on different levels. Some of us are stepping into the new, having many reactions we can’t quite seem to sort through, and then retracting, trying to go back into an old space that has now expired for us in many ways. The picture that comes, is of a growing toddler trying to wear his or her baby clothes again because they were so comfortable once upon a time! This is such a tough process and letting go is never quite as easy as some make it sound, especially if you’ve signed up to truly feel yourself in every moment along the way.

These last two weeks have been full of movement for me personally and this movement process has taken place on a personal, soul, and even physical level. It has been a phase that started with saying ‘yes’ to several new possibilities, trusting that they would take me somewhere new and good, despite the challenge of inhabiting this. Sure enough too, after the ‘yes’ came reactions and a part of me wanting to contract and maybe collapse it all in a way, though she also felt how this would all open out eventually, even with her level of tension. This is a part of me I got to reunite with, actually,  like something that got buried under the bed or dresser so long ago that you only find it when you’re moving somewhere new! She surfaced and I could feel her reactions with her and as the dust settles around the ‘new’ still, I am continuing to feel her around it all – her fears, her joys, and her vision of possibilities too. It has also been a couple weeks of letting go of certain connections with other people which is probably the hardest aspect of this phase to be with.

I feel as if we’re living in a restless, boisterous phase globally in the moment and it does feel challenging to find our stillness within while walking it all out. It is an exciting time while so much is being revealed to us and inside of that are also some hard-to-swallow truths. It is a time where we are being energized to really create the new as we go and not wait for permission from outside of us to take the steps we need to in order to really be in this. It is a time of trust in life, ourselves and the Divine, which is, of course, a process in and of itself while we learn what real trust even is… making it so important to take as much personal space as necessary, to breathe and digest and check-in with what we’re feeling on every level of our being.

If you’re feeling the energy of needing to create new timelines and being in your creativity in whatever capacity comes to you, you’re so not alone and the restlessness is actually there to serve you. It would be hard to not feel restless right now and it may come in waves for you, as it seems to be doing for me. We can all rest assured though, that we ARE being moved to something new that we are co-creating constantly, consciously and unconsciously, and this is becoming revealed to us more and more in each moment we say ‘yes’ and claim the next step.

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Let Go The Rope

untethered

 

If I had the words, I would build a bridge for you

 

Yet the feelings are beyond words
As no thing, no utterance, no colour
Quite stands for what I want to say.

 

My expression lives in the hindsight of opportunities passed
No chariot can I bring
To take you there.
No horse can I mount
To beckon you to my side.

 

No moving object with forward thrust
Except the mothership of time
Space
Love
Can take us where we need to go
Together
Separate
As one in the same, but different.

 

If I had the syllables, I would hammer you a bridge.
I would sing you a summons of rocky foundations
And dance you a twining of steady ropes and wood.

 

I would howl at the moon
To bring about change
As feelings ripple through reality.
I would touch your heart
And caress your soul
As I take your hand to mine.

 

Yet then, it isn’t up to me…
So I let go of the line
Trusting that it’s there
To grasp onto when you need it
Or when I need it
Or when life wants me to lead with it.

 

…And maybe it’s not my job to construct a bridge for you,
And the search for you is like a treasure hunt
Maybe even one you don’t realize you’re on.

 

The map is in your subconscious hands
Being navigated by a vessel made by and for love.
A love you have yet to know consciously
But it moves you just the same.

 

And then…I realize you are your own treasure
Wholly sacred
Despite protests and messages
That tell you you aren’t.

 

If there is anything I wish to give to you,
It is the gift of your already growing consciousness
Becoming more conscious
In every waking and sleeping moment
Of your very blessed life.

 

And for now…
For now I let go the rope that binds you to my word
For my word is not yours
And my voice can be but echoes
Of what is already inside you
Waiting
Waiting
Wanting to leave its once comfortable nest To find its rest in places of highest being Strongest calling and deepest healing.

 

There is a forest where we two shall meet once again,
An oasis of authentic love,
A heaven that is always with us
A haven of true faith
Where what binds us is healed
And what bonds us can finally be revealed.

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

When You Finally Are Tired

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Sometimes
you reach that end of a tether,
and realize,
it’s time to actually, finally
let go…
A tiredness takes over
from deep inside you.
An exhaustion creeping up
through every cell of your being,
calling out loudly,
that it is ready to collapse,
let itself breathe.
Let itself feel.
Let you feel it for what it really is…
For all the pawing and grasping
at what worked before
to keep it buried
beneath layers of trying and trials,
often self-made and maintained…
It begins to ask for you,
something bigger than it,
to help it,
this old you,
to finally rest.
Sometimes
it takes another long spin
on that favourite merry-go-round
of old beingness
to realize,
you’re finally ready
to emerge from that long,
long
long birth canal,
and see the light
of the new day awaiting you…

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

Letting Go With Love: Healing Codependency Between Fathers And Daughters

By Christopher Tydeman

Throughout the SoulFullHeart healing/growth process, much is felt into around our relationship to ourselves (i.e. our parts), our birth parents, our friends, and our mates.  We have written extensively about those in this blog.  The one relationship we have not written much about is our relationship to our children.

Each combination of relationship (mother to son, father to daughter, etc.) has their own specific dynamic.  When our children arrive in this world, both past and current life agreements we subconsciously made with them begin their construction and playout.  Our experiences with our birth parents, our societal/religious conditionings, and our past life woundings, all coalesce to shape the dance between parent and child.

Through the formative years, parts of us invest a lot of energy in protecting and guiding our offspring.  They represent something to us.  Our greatest hope and our biggest fears.  We project so much onto them that the mere thought of their “failure” or lack of well-being is combated with a barrage of care-taking and/or excessive demands.  To lose them physically or emotionally feels like a fate worse than our own death to a part of us.

In this fused state, it is hard to conceive that our children have their own soul trajectory.  Their own needs and experiences they must have on their individual journey.  This becomes increasingly clear the older they get.  An emotionally healthy and awakened relationship would naturally find its completion around 18.  This doesn’t necessarily suggest we would never cross paths again someday or consciously avoid seeing each other.  It would just be the embarking of their adult journey, taking with them all the love they received in their youth.

But, we collectively are not in a healthy emotional state.  Our children are still children at 18 because we choose for them to be that way.  Our needs and inadequacies took precedent over their real growth.  They are stunted.  Sure, they may run a Fortune 500 company, but their emotional immaturity causes them to treat others unjustly, take advantage to satiate their greed, or run a company into the ground because of issues of control.  Or they may live a “normal” life with a spouse, their own children, a stable job, and a nice house.  But internally they are dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

As a young man, my father would tell me, “I don’t give a shit what you do for a living, as long as you are happy.”  My mother made it her mission to see me graduate college to fulfill something she desired in her own life and as a symbol of what was considered “successful”.  In each case, it was more about them than it was about me.

I carried this with me into the birth of my own daughter.  My fears and hopes were transferred onto her.  All a part of me felt I couldn’t be, hoped that she could.  But to be that meant her breaking away, so another part kept her small so she wouldn’t.  “Be big! No, be small!” Was the energy of my parenting.  A dichotomous push-pull.

As I progressed through my eventual healing, I had to draw boundaries with those that I had an unhealthy bond with.  This included family, friends, and later a mate.  But the one who got the “pass” was my own child.  She had her own vision for her life and that didn’t include healing toward emotional and spiritual awakening.  The others in my life who weren’t ready I said goodbye to, but a part of me could not accept that with my daughter.

Fast forward a couple of years later.  I have found myself in the belly of my care-taking.  Letting go of my need to be needed.  Feeling and seeing the impending industrial imperial implosion.  The ensuing chaos and violence, both physical and emotional.  I have entered into the Brave New World.  I can talk about it until I am blue in the face, but that won’t matter if someone is not able or willing to feel it.  It becomes a soul choice.  A personal decision.  To tug or force someone to get them to come along serves neither me nor them.  There is only one choice…let go.

To say goodbye to my daughter is by far the most difficult thing I have had to do.  It was a choice not made overnight.  It has been, as with all other difficult moments, a process.  Gut-wrenching and tear laden.  To continue a relationship with someone whose path is divergent to mine is not self-loving.  It is also enabling that person to stay in denial and smallness.  I love my daughter too much for her to be in either.  But more importantly, I love myself too much to continue to be seen as less than what I am, even if it is my own child.

As I walked away from her, tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, I could feel the Divine with me and with her.  Mother tells me,

“You make choices based in Love, you enter Love’s eternal grace.  Your kingly act of courage is the greatest gift to your daughter, to yourself, and the world at large.  There is no goodbye, for those souls meant to be together will remain so in heart.”

In that moment, I felt trust.  A trust that she will find her way in her own time, with her own choices.  A part of me is letting go of protecting her and trying to “save” her.  I will always have the desire for her to be a part of our SoulFullHeart community.  She has VIP status.  BUT, it is with her sovereign choice and my needs being met, that that can happen.  Until then I will hold her close to my heart as I prepare for the next phase of my soul’s journey.

 Christopher Tydeman is an apprentice SoulFullHeart Teacher. Visit soulfullheart.wix.com/sanctuary for more information about staying at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and virtual sessions.