Tag: SoulFullHeart

Moving Beyond Self Consciousness Into Authenticity

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

meoctober19

By Jelelle Awen

While we were sipping wonderful margaritas and watching the sunset last night, we engaged in one of our meaningful conversations that happens almost every minute with us within our little community (woven in between having FUN!). I think I am still digesting it this morning and would like to share.

Sequoia has known me for almost twenty five years, we were previously married and divorced in 2001, and we co-raised a daughter together. For the last four years, I have been his facilitator and teacher and also, in many moments, we share a sacred friendship too. There is a lot of history there and he has known me through so many phases. With tears in his eyes, last night he offered that he is amazed at who I am now and who I am continuing to become.

He mentioned that he can feel the range that I can inhabit in the moment….from deep soul frequencies to joyful inner child to queen (and irritated control matriarch can still come through too!). And also that I don’t seem to have any self consciousness or self image when it comes to relating with others…not much ‘persona’ that I am putting on. I could feel his sincerity and love for me as he offered this and it touched me.

But, in another way, I couldn’t really get what he was seeing about me. This isn’t a deflection based in unworthiness. It has felt to me for awhile that we can’t really ‘see’ our most authentic self (or what we call our ‘SoulFullHeart Self’) because there is no self image related to it. It just IS US in our most unselfconscious expression.

Self consciousness comes from parts of us elevating us, positioning us, and doing ‘perception management’ strategies with others. These parts of us literally create versions of us to form fit in every environment and every situation. There can be many, many layers to this and it is quite craftily constructed, even in a small child it starts happening young!

After over ten years of work and negotiation with parts of myself who hold these frequencies, I feel that much of this self image has been deconstructed, let go of, felt, healed, moved beyond. So, in some ways, I cannot ‘see’ my most authentic self, yet I can certainly feel when and if love is transacting and if part of me is blocking it or not.

To be free from self consciousness is a wonderful gift and allows me to serve love so much more deeply to myself and others. I completely associate this result because of the process that I have engaged with through a previous path and also through SoulFullHeart to be with and know my subpersonalities. We offer that this state is called “SoulFullHeartenment” and isn’t an attainment, but more like something that just arises through the process of individuation, differentiation, and union with self, others, and the Divine.

If this stirs something in you and awakens a desire to experience life this way, we would be so honored to serve that in you. Please visit this page for more about what we offer: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

It’s Ok To Not Be Ok: Giving Yourself Permission to Feel

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

feeling-deeply_hands-face

By Jelelle Awen

I am sitting in the back seat of my parent’s car. I am looking out the window, my head turned away from the chaos in the front seat. I am looking out the window but I am not seeing any of the landscape. The tears that slide down my cheeks are silent. I have learned to cry without sound from many years of practice. I cannot completely numb my reactions to the tension, the negativity, and the hate that fills this car, that staggers from him and crawls from her. It has sharp teeth, harsh words, energy that cuts to the bone.

Part of me tries to protect me. Put up a shield. Put up a barrier. Create a bubble of light space around the growing girl. Tries to turn off the tap on the tears that flow from the pain of feeling like I do not belong. The craziness of feeling like this is not my family, cannot be my real family, not my soul family, not my family of heart. So eventually the tears go deep in, get buried, and my other feelings as well. And the part of me that protects my heart breathes a sigh of relief as a possible crisis of self revelation is avoided.

It starts so early, our conditioning to suppress our feelings, our emotional reality, and what our actual reactions to situations are in the moment. Through this conditioning and the pain of not being able to be real, we have to develop aspects of us that can fit in with the non-feeling environment around us. It is a necessary self defense mechanism. It just seems to happen so naturally and organically.

The message of, ‘It’s NOT ok to NOT be ok” is so strong in our culture. The conditioning around not expressing our feelings starts so young when children are first told not to have tantrums or to cry. Tantrums feel to me like releasing the unfelt emotional energy of the parents and the surroundings. We tantrum and then we reach a stage where, to get and keep love in the form of approval, we develop parts of us who become very good at suppressing what we are feeling. And parts of us who become very good too at form fitting our environment to not draw attention to ourselves and our vulnerability.

I described a scene above that encapsulates so much about why my defenses developed the way that they did. In my process through SoulFullHeart and previous subpersonality process work that I have done, I have ‘gone back’ to these moments of extreme hurt and pain through the aspects of me who became stuck there.

I sat in the car with the part of me that holds hurt and I felt her tears with her. I became the loving adult, heart filled with support and permission to feel, that she didn’t have at the time. And this version of me, no longer needing to be quiet or suppress her tears, could lean into this adult version of me. She could be felt and the pain from this moments and other moments like this could heal. And, I could become more current to myself.

To be able to go into places like this painful scene with parts of me has needed to be negotiated with the loyal and protective part of me. This has happened through a growing sense of trust that I will be able to ‘handle it and hold it’ and that it is safe to release it and feel it. Over time and development of our authentic self (or what we call the ‘SoulFullHeart Self’) protective parts of us begin to feel that they can relax their strong protection of us which can come in many different forms and energies. Through conscious negotiation with them, we can open our heart up more and let others in more deeply, also sharing ourselves more vulnerably and authentically. This leads to more experience of love transaction inside of ourselves and with others.

Through the SoulFullHeart work, you reach a place where you no longer really want to be around people who or in many environments where you can’t BE authentically with your feelings or express them in the moment. Or, you choose to stay home or go to a secluded spot in the woods…..somewhere you can feel yourself. It becomes the ultimate priority over ‘fitting in’. We have created a place and space inside and then as expressed in our community where it is truly OK to NOT be OK.

Sessions with us are just a practice ground for this dedication to yourself, to feeling, to being not OK if that is what is real, to be with the parts of you that resist feeling and why, and to be supported by someone else for it. And, eventually, this regular practice moves into and influences your choices in every day life in a natural and organic way where you are desiring to be authentic with those you are in relationship with and in whatever soul purpose-based vocation you are serving love through.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

 

Premise 3: Going Beyond The Body-Mind Reality

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

premisethree

Welcome aboard day three of the SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises tour.

We only have two days sailing behind us and already it feels like so much more. Jump right in though if this is your first day, you can complete the circuit when and if you want to anytime.

A sightseeing tour is a really good analogy for what we’re doing together in these 21 days.

SoulFullHeart is a way of life and I’m offering 21 scenic tour vistas seen through each of our premises allowing you to essentially window shop to see if this truly warrants any more of your time, attention, or money.

There’s no charge to take this tour, but to actually enter and experience the territories we’ll be looking at each day will undoubtedly cost you. If your heart is truly hungry and ready, the cost will be something joyous, even as it is also sorrowful at times. But, it’s only at the point of buying something from someone that the real transaction or exchange occurs. Don’t mistake browsing for buying. Choice and transaction in this way with the resource of your choosing is no different than in the material world.

So here’s the third SoulFullHeart premise called the Nature Of Reality Premise:

“SoulFullHeart invites you to be open to a different picture than the body-mind reality, which is that everything is made up of energy; time/space/money are illusionary; everything is sourced from Infinite Love; and our innate nature is both dual and nondual.”

This premise if we are able to open it out together today will be nothing short of mind blowing.

Like setting out on a whale watching tour, there is no guarantee of actually seeing any whales and many days a whale watching tour must settle for being a ‘whale looking’ tour. I honour that what we see together will be a combined effort of what you and I choose to see, intend to see and are ready to see. It’s a co-created reality.

However, we have something big in our favour. We’re going to be looking at the idea of consciousness expansion today, and to do that, we’ll need an expanding consciousness just to get in the door. Consciousness itself likes being taken in and noticed. It’s like feeling the whales under the boat reluctant to surface until they can sense your reverence, respect, and awe, but when they do, watch the splendour unfold.

In this way, we draw this out together. I’m not responsible alone to put on any show. We do it together if there’s enough trust and desire between us, as well as resonance with what is. I feel part of me rest as I say that, and it felt both important to say as well as a portent of things to come in the rest of this tour together.

Now that we’ve got our seats, let’s dig in.

This premise begins with an invitation and that’s important because we are all grounded in a current way of seeing the world. The invitation is to look at another way of seeing the world, but of course, we can only do that through the lens we have. We can’t shatter this current lens in order to pop on a new one, and nor should we, we’d blow all of our circuits. It’s an invitation to see as much as you can and to then trust that what you were able to see was perfect, and that you were changed just by the act of truly looking. It’s an ongoing and never ending process because we actually live in an infinite reality picture.

Let’s talk now about the body-mind reality. ‘Body-mind’ is, in the way I’m referencing it today, a way of relating to life, that in turn ‘creates’ your world. Body-mind is seeing the world through the five sense reality only of sight, smell, touch, taste, and sound. ‘It’s real as long as I can sense it with the five senses’ is the powerful reality shaping mantra. Now, I know that isn’t your mantra or you wouldn’t be drawn here, but it is so deeply embedded in the world you were raised in, and the world you live in, every day, day in and day out. Body-mind reality has a powerful energetic pull that can be described as a gravitational pull that holds an order of things and an entire crystal clear cosmology out in front of you.

Money doesn’t grow on trees. It’s the results that count. Rome wasn’t built in a day. And on and on the sayings go. They form part of the outlying edges or borders of this perceived reality. If you are a more porous individual, you even add in some esoterics into the picture to make it bearable, but you have yet to actually ever escape the power of this matrix.

Body-mind in its essence is a wave form frequency of a specific bandwidth. As we are energy, as we’ll explore further today, we are totally susceptible to the frequencies we currently have dialed in on our receivers, and then we go on to rebroadcast those same frequencies contributing to the strength of the body-mind collective-consciousness reality. Now, to use another metaphor, it’s no longer us that is online doing the browsing, but rather the prevailing collective consciousness, or the computer itself that is doing the browsing. We are now essentially controlled around all the things that really matter with just enough free choice to keep the blinders in place. ‘Would you like fries with that?’ It’s now a false projected reality that we are co-creating because create is what we do. It’s what we are.

Everything around us is energy in motion, a frequency band manifesting as what we see and experience as matter. It isn’t real as we’ve understood five sense reality, and, at the same time, it is real on another plane, but it’s real reality can only be seen through a new lens that is the new plane.

Let’s look at money to help us grok this. Money isn’t real. It’s a thing we co-created collectively and is only real because of our agreement around it that we reinforce every day by our relationship and interaction with it. Money is actually nothing more than a means of exchanging value, or energy, or ultimately love. But it seems so crazy real! My focus on money, my need for money, my future money, my lack of money, and on and on. ‘I must secure the money, and then I will consider what other things I want in life’ is the energy that holds so many people. Money in this way is possibly the most powerful prison-forming matrix ‘thing’ that holds us in its clutches all of our days. And it’s nothing but energy!

Money is energy. I am energy. You are energy. Energy always flows. All the things you like and don’t like about your life are energy flows. The computer you are looking at and the chair you are sitting on are nothing more than energy manifesting in a specific form true as ever to the frequency they broadcast at.

Money as real from within the five sense reality is an illusionary reality. If you want to break the powerful hold money has upon your life, you must recognize that it isn’t money itself, but rather how you see money, or more accurately, the lens with which you are looking at money, specifically the body-mind.

Time is also another powerful illusion. The ‘realities’ of past, present, and future are held together by our collective body-mind reality-creating relationship to time. How cool would it be to flip the table here and instead see that time itself is the illusion and we get to use that illusion of time to our benefit. Healing anyone?

Space is another one. As energy, we are essentially living in a holographic projection that energy is creating giving us the magical illusion of space. It’s like going to the movies, except you ARE the movie.

If you’re like me, you are feeling really itchy about now. You can smell something big, but you can’t grasp as much of it as you want to. These are things to be lived into. The conditioned world doesn’t give way in a moment…..we instead live our way in a discovery process, that again, has no ending or destination, just like the Isness from where we come.

Here the saying ‘It’s not the destination that counts, but the journey’ needs to be revised to something like ‘ultimately, there is nothing but the journey, forget any destination other than simply being on the journey.’

This so resonates with us all, every last one of us, every last expression of energy ALL being God. Yes, including evil. It’s all Infinite Love out seeking to know itself in an infinitely unknowable reality.

All is Infinite Love expressing as infinite possibility, and nothing else matters.

Now, we see how we are both, like God, rooted in both duality and non-duality. We are playing with the duality in things like more or less money, things we prefer and don’t prefer, health is better than sickness, etc., all as a dance of Infinite Love energy that wants to come to know itself in all of its infinitely possible expressions.

When I feel all of this, my sense of the distance I’ve covered in my growth or my healing, though important to a part of me who still needs and relates to some form of measurement, gives way to the silliness of trying to measure anything in an infinite picture. 1/2 of infinity is still infinite.

And that is why I can resonate and be nourished with someone who is simply on the same path, regardless of their progress on the path. It’s sharing the same infinite path, me where all progress is immeasurable. The path affords us a processing and transactional ground for our relationship. Outside of the path, however, our frequencies have nothing but static. I can and do love the person not on my path, but I don’t attempt to transact very far with that person.

That’s already true for every relationship you and I currently have. It’s the resonant frequency band that literally holds it together.
Change the frequency and you change everything.

Okay, that’s enough for today, isn’t it? Talking about infinity can go on forever.

I want to close today by welcoming your inquiry into how The SoulFullHeart Way of Life healing process and I can serve your healing process. If you are a man, I would so love to be in an energy exchange with you providing we both resonate with each other. And if you are a woman, my beloved Jelelle would love to connect with you around beginning the process. Check out our sessions page for more info, and let’s simply get on Skype together to talk about it. Tell me what’s real for you.

I also welcome and deeply take to heart any donation you feel to give in support of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. You can find our donate button on our home page at soulfullheartwayoflife.com. Nothing gets my attention quite like an email from PayPal, saying ‘You’ve got money.’ 🙂

Until tomorrow and day 4, be well in your unfolding journey. And remember, there is nothing to count, there is only journey.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Premise 2: Mature the ego and experience Oneness

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

soulfullheartenment

Welcome to day two of our 21 day Magical Mystery Tour of the SoulFullHeart Premises. Today promises to be a big day in premises as we’re exploring our second premise.

‘Why are you offering premises, though?’ you may ask.

Every spiritual or healing practice is premised upon a specific worldview about the nature of things. This worldview dictates what happens and how it happens or doesn’t. It may seem like a mental engagement at first, but for those with a keen eye and heart for what they really want and need, nothing sorts out a choice point like considering the premises of a given healing offering.

When premises are not clearly laid out and available for all participants to consider as they get involved with a group, it all too often leaves them falling prey to conforming to the groups identity out of a codependent and understandable need to belong, rather than choosing to be a part of a community because it lights up your heart and soul growth like no other.

If you’ve been deeply involved in a group or community in the past that failed as a community or simply failed to hold your interest and engagement, I invite you to weigh every single SoulFullHeart premise in these 21 days together and ask yourself, ‘If I ever did join back in with a group again, what would they need to embody for me to get involved?’

SoulFullHeart may not end up being your choice or even what’s right for you, but you will have moved your souls healing path hugely forward by giving your attention to the importance of premises. Premises are what the foundation is to the house.

Ready to go?

Here is the second SoulFullHeart premise:

“SoulFullHeartenment is an awakening state of consciousness involving the paradoxical processes of individuation or ego maturation while healing the illusion of the separate self leading to a deepening sense of union with self, others, and God/The Divine.”

Another mouthful, right? Let’s sort it out and I think you’ll get from this what you are meant to. These are pregnant words carrying a lot of energy and you can have very different experiences of them at different moments. Likewise, me putting more words around them can go in different directions on different days.

Let’s start with the word ‘SoulFullHeartenment.’ We made up this word to carry an energy specific to the result of undergoing the SoulFullHeart healing process. SoulFullHeart is a path of simultaneously healing both soul and heart wounding, or as Jelelle likes to say, ‘healing from our roots and our wings.’ One is not preferred over the other nor is one used to minimize the other.

We feel that where heart wounding is not adequately explored and healed, all of our exploration into soul domains and non-dual states, or simply a healing therapy, are largely a medicative reality for the untouched heart wounding. However, where the personhood ground of the heart is explored and healed, the doorways into soul domains and non-dual awakening are far more natural and effortless portals into our authentic self expression.

‘SoulFullHeart-enment’ then is this place of never ending movement into ever deepening human expressions of our essence as Infinite Love, in both heart and soul frequencies. It’s not a state of attainment, but more likened to living in a parallel universe where it’s your native place of residence from the moment of choosing this inclusive path. All claims of ‘progress’ are surrendered to simply not having any way of measuring anything in an infinite reality. Progress, for what it’s worth, is simply being on the path.

It’s much like trying to describe to others a totally mind blowing sexual experience. It’s obviously new to you, and has you all aglow, but try as you may, there’s no way to quantify what you had. All you can do is claim ‘more than’ in comparison to what you had before. It seems to be one of the few areas that a government bureaucracy hasn’t ever been able to regulate, measure, and tax because it is so immeasurable and so uncontrollable.

Let’s go on now to this piece about ‘an awakening state of consciousness.’ We see that when souls enter a human life, they are largely surrendering to falling asleep and mostly forgetting their true identity and their intentions for their soul healing mission in a given life. It is this ‘having our hands tied behind our back’ in relation to our awakening that calls us from our very depths to forge a deep resolve and choice sufficient to cast off our pre-chosen slumber.

Many are not meant (from their own sovereignty) to awaken this life and instead are working their healing path through staying asleep. One is of no more intrinsic value than the other, and both are God expressions. If you are a soul that has chosen to awaken this life, you are enabled to do this by way of comparative difference, and choosing amongst options and your personal power to act on those choices. It is in this very real human drama setting that your epic healing story occurs.

This awakening consciousness unfolding has a powerful paradox, however, at its root, and two at first seemingly ‘at odds’ vectors. In SoulFullHeart’s picture, they are powerfully, perfectly and inextricably one.

One is your path of individuation. This is the path of coming to terms with being a distinct and defined self, an embodied sovereign human, with boundaries and power to decide, decree, and declare what goes on and doesn’t go on within your borders. And you can’t do any of that without an ego. Ego is seen simply as your centre of awareness and there are no judgments against the ego as being the source of all suffering and pain as taught in so many spiritual practices and traditions.

We feel rather that it is about what our egos are currently attached to, and the relative health or unhealthy nature of those ego attachments that are at issue. However, to remove the ego is to render a person non existent. The premise that ‘self is bad’ is the underground root conviction of these teachings, stemming from undiscovered and unhealed unworthiness at the core of the personal and collective being. You can’t express or have experience as a human without ego and without a persona to conduct life. Some face has to show up for the party.

Doesn’t that all by itself just take a ton of pressure off in relation to all the bullshit you had heaped on you about trying to rid yourself of ego?

Now, if your ego is currently attached to Nascar, beer and high fives, you and I aren’t going to have much ego resonance, but rest assured, you’ll be able to find plenty of others with all the ego resonance you need to find enough community and work your healing path in the way that you are, regardless of my judgments about the unconscious nature of your journey.

I’ll have to take my judgments, along with my ego and be on my way seeking resonance around what my ego is currently attached to. And when we’re all said and done, there will be plenty of time to debrief and compare notes with one another and, I’m sure, both learn from each other, over a beer even.

But, it’s about maturing the ego, not obliterating the ego.

You are an individual. The definition of that word contains a deep explanation of how we see the self. In-divi-dual translates out to ‘a duality (dual nature or two-ness) that cannot be divided. You are an inseparable expression of both being utterly distinct and indistinct from everyone else around you. Both are true and it’s only when both are seen and held as true that a healthy relationship with life can unfold inside of you.

All the goodies of individuation are yours, like sex and buying shoes and having a personality. So are all the goodies of being all wrapped up in Oneness, utterly inseparable from All That Is. You already are completely non-dual awakened in this way with the only thing you are working on is becoming more and more conscious of this preexisting fact regarding the true nature of your being. And you don’t have to kill the ego to attain anything.

Forget attainment……It’s tiring and the source of a ton of suffering, control, and superiorizing. Instead, if you need work at something, do like Jesus said and ‘labour to enter into rest’….do your own personal healing that will allow you to let in the spring-loaded essence that you already are, but is yet unmanifest in daily expression.

So, where does all of this take you, then? It takes you to ever deepening union with self, others and the Divine. Union with all of self begins in SoulFullHeart as the crucial getting to know, feeling and healing of our subpersonalities, who hold our this life and past life wounding. This leads the way to true and alive relationality with others and the Divine….all of which are paradoxically one and inseparable from the self at the same time. A relationship by definition requires an other to relate with. It’s a bit crazy making to begin to feel into, that we are both ‘other’ and ‘not other’ simultaneously, but ultimately it is the path to true sanity, because it is in alignment with What Is.

Trying to describe this in words is like the difference in sex between genital friction, as in the clinical word ‘coitus’, compared to a heart, soul and total body having a connection that is so deeply a personal and a transpersonal experience at the same time, where the afterglow goes into infinity and words fall hopelessly short of description.

We are wired in our essence to fire on these cylinders in all the dimensions of our being. We use the phrase ‘Self, Others, and The Divine’ a lot to highlight the essential growth tracks of our relationality. Our personal relationality is founded on the interrelationship of self, other and the Divine. We separate what cannot be separated in order to provide a relational space in order to come back to the utter Oneness and inseparability that we are.
Pretty cool, huh?

I know today’s premise discussion opens out a lot of questions about things we touched on today like subpersonalities, the nature of reality, God, dual and nondual, etc., and I wanted to let you know that these are all coming up as separate premises right around the corner.

Thank you for being on day two of this tour. See you tomorrow sometime after sun up for day three.

I’d really like to know you are on board for this journey, so I welcome your comments and questions.

Please visit our website at soulfullheartwayoflife.com for a listing of all the premises and more information.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Premise 1: SoulFullHeart is an integrated, holistic way of life

Published on by Raphael Awen3 Comments

01-consciousnessBy Raphael Awen

Would you like to join me for a 21 day magical mystery tour of the heart and soul?

I’m going to be writing, posting, and hosting a daily blog here on this blog and on my facebook page on each of the 21 premises for the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, the consciousness awakening and healing process that Jelelle Awen and I have co-created and offered facilitation in since 2012. Each day, I will share and elaborate on one of the SoulFullHeart Premises for which this process is based on with Jelelle’s input and editing as well. You can read all of the premises here.

The trip begins now. All you need to join is curiosity, desire, and, of course, choice…….no different than any other journey you’ve ever taken, right? If you have those things, I promise you that this trip will be a trip of a lifetime.

All of our premises are held with a ‘near as we can tell’ energy. None of it is absolute truth or written in stone. While we are passionate about each one of these premises, we also recognize that passion must also give way to the never-ending constant of change. As we live out each premise, we subject it to the rigors of what works and what doesn’t, in real time relationship, and allow ourselves to be changed in the process.

If you are good to go, then, let’s depart right now. This is day 1 and there’s 20 more to come.

The first premise is called the SoulFullHeart Premise, and it goes like this:

“SoulFullHeart is an integrated, holistic way of life, beyond a therapeutic or spiritual practice or religion, which leads to what we call SoulFullHeartenment.”

SoulFullHeart is a name that, in one way, we simply made up. In another way, it was and is a divinely guided and inspired name that was given to us to carry the energy and consciousness of something truly unique. It represents something that we had never encountered outside of ourselves. In its integration and holism, it doesn’t recognize any valid boundary between personal and professional or from who we are in our various relationships in life. One essence holds all of our various expressions.

There is also no real compartmentalizations between any of life’s key areas or expressions. SoulFullHeart currently sees seven key areas of life as follows:
1. Emotional
2. Spiritual
3. Mental
4. Social
5. Physical
6. Financial
7. Environmental

It’s not an authoritative listing as much as it is a way to feel into areas most people lack integration in. We look at and feel each area separately to feel how our leading edge (soul gifts, potential, authentic self) or our trailing edge (emotional wounding, soul blocks) currently expresses in any given area. While we look at each area separately, we acknowledge that none of them can actually be separated, though most people do work hard to maintain illusions of these as compartments in their lives.

That one area of our life could lack or express abundance more than another area is evidence of a lack of integration/integrity and wholeness. True integrity is where we come from a single ground inside of ourselves and is only possible as we heal and integrate. This ground will have many different expressions, but more and more, coming from a single source. In this way we recognize that integrity is not a moral or character attainment, but rather a purity of expressing from one seat of being. This journey of returning to Oneness is a practice that’s never done, always deepening and unfolding in a myriad of expressions due to our Infinite Love nature.

SoulFullHeart is also a way of life. Every one of us has a way of life, but few of us are very conscious about the way of life that governs so much of who we are and how we express in the world and within relationships. Fewer still have a carefully chosen way of life and the lack of this conscious choice leaves them essentially playing someone else’s life.

SoulFullHeart – through discovery, definition and advocacy – seeks to bring into awareness what actually makes for healthier and more integrated expressions of our essence as Infinite Love expressing in every day life. We seek to do that in an ever deepening, arising, collaborative way. We honour the feminine expression of feeling rather than mentalizing or seeking power over others through proving or convincing, or trying to change others. In this way, it seeks to be a collectively held and self-validating arising of ones own inner truth expressed out through living it into expression with others in resonance, rather than any authoritative, externally imposed criteria required for belonging. We’re all making it up as we go. How cool is that?

SoulFullHeart is also not a therapy, spiritual practice, or religion. While in practice we do things that look similar to all of the above, there are key differences that disqualify SoulFullHeart from being categorized as such.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these, one at a time.

Therapies of all kinds seek to define and remedy problems that a client, patient, or seeker is looking to be free from. Therapies by definition are out to fix problems. SoulFullHeart recognizes instead that whether it’s an unwanted behaviour pattern, or inability to manifest ones dreams, or some unwanted emotional reaction pattern, or even a clinically diagnosed complex or label such as anxiety disorder, or depression; it’s all part of our souls sacred and chosen healing path. All of the pain is owned in this way and relationship with our wounding is chosen over escape or transcendence from…..none of it is wasted and none of it is ‘bad’ or ‘evil’.

This is a difficult concept for most people to grasp as we are so oriented to self-help and self-improvement efforts as our salvation from the many things we seek to change in our lives. In this way, SoulFullHeart deconstructs (heals to free up natural and spring-loaded essence) our way to healing, rather than a therapy picture which seeks a constructive path (paves over wounding with adding something that offers a good enough solution or ‘fix’). Therapy is done when the result is achieved. SoulFullHeart is never done as the manifestation of our Infinite Love essence and expression in the world is also never done deepening.

SoulFullHeart is also not a spiritual practice in the sense of something you practice to reach some kind of attainment. Instead, we feel that you are in essence as attained as you will ever be, although in actual expression you have yet to manifest this. It is only in this so-called earthly dimension that you seek deeper resonance with what you already are as a soul in your essence. ‘Seeking to attain’ in this way is actually a block to letting in what you actually are. There’s nothing to attain. There’s everything to let in and we offer that you have to deconstruct what is false in order to let your authentic essence arise.

SoulFullHeart is also not a religion in the sense that a religion offers you a path to God, Heaven, or some desired enlightened state. SoulFullHeart instead offers that you, as you are right now, are as God-connected and enlightened as you will ever be. There’s no gift of grace to receive that you still need to come to possess. Now, you are finally free to make lifestyle changes purely if you want to. There’s no heaven to gain or hell to shun other than you showing up in life flowing with growth and change, and all of that as divine play that we like children are making up as we go. In this domain of where our duality is a part of our non-duality, there’s a strange paradox where ultimately nothing at stake, while experientially, in our day to feeling of life, everything is at stake.

We say that all of the above leads to Soulfullheartenment. We again felt free to invent a new word to convey and energize a new reality. After all, that’s true about every word in every language, is it not?

An explanation of Soulfullheartenment will be offered tomorrow in Premise # 2 – SoulFullHeartenment Premise.

Please stay tuned.

Before you go though, please check in through comments to let me know, as well as the others along for the ride, that you’re here. Why go it alone when life is offering you community?

Thank you so much for your presence.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information and to read all of the premises.

Following Our Authentic Path To Draw Abundance: Meditation With Lakshmi

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

By Leena Colibri

lakshmi-vrindavan-das

I felt drawn to meditate with Lakshmi* the other day, feeling like she would be an interesting energy to connect with around questions I’ve been holding about abundance and drawing money. I like that she doesn’t represent easy abundance but instead seems to show us that if we are in our dharma or on our life’s authentic path, abundance is a flow we will have access to. I’d never been drawn to meditate with her before, but I came across an image of her online and felt like she may have something to teach me.

What follows is the story of our meeting together…

I close my eyes and invite my angels to help me ascend to where I can meet Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of abundance. In a flash of light, I feel my soul rise to a higher stratum of existence, where I sit amongst what looks like baobab trees and there is a waterfall in the background. I see Lakshmi appear before me in a more woman-like form than most pictures of her depict. Her long, straight black hair is adorned with gold jewels and what seems to me like a beautiful and ornate tiara on top of her head that is quite enormous. She moves with grace and ease.

As we connect, I feel my heart searching for hers. She feels a bit distant and this could be because she is familiar to my soul, yet I haven’t explored much connection with her in this life. Plus, if my soul has experienced a lifetime (or several) in India, it is possible that humanizing her was against the rules, so feeling her heart may be difficult for a time. I don’t think much about this in the moment though, as any connection will do for now. I begin to ask her questions about whether or not I am blocking the abundance of money flow in my life. I acknowledge and let in the abundance I feel I am living into in many others ways, including the ways of love flow and spiritual awakening. She acknowledges this and I feel her warmth. She comes closer to me and places a gold coin in my right hand.

“Look at the coin,” she instructs me, “What do you notice?”

To my amazement, the gold layer begins to peel back to reveal a silver colour. Her message dawns on me…“Oh…so the value of money-abundance diminishes, yes?” I inquire, feeling like a good student in a small way, but mostly like an epiphany may happen at any moment.

“Yes…” she says, and vibes to me that she is not implying money has absolutely no value, only that it has less value than most people believe it does and that the value is not everlasting – It is temporary.

I see her face up close now, as she enters my field more so than before. She is beautiful with dark eyes, tanned brown skin with a golden hue, and a tender smile. She has a fiery energy that I resonate with, but also a sagely softness and stillness. I feel like she is enjoying this process with me, as I am not demanding answers or help, but requesting guidance and enjoying the process of connecting and transacting energy and love with her. Something about it feels natural, even though I am also having a completely new experience (or what feels new for me in this life).

Some time passes. I ask again about the flow of money and what my piece is in blocking it. I ask if there is anything else I can do to remove the block, though I can also feel that this may be a flow that I cannot control.

She offers that I look at the gold coin in my right hand again. The silver colour is now gone and it feels and looks like a more solid gold now. She instructs me to close my hand. Once I do this, she motions to my left hand, which is open with my palm facing upwards, just like my right hand was. A beautiful lotus flower appears with a golden hue and sparkles. She vibes to me the story of how receiving money is meant to transmute and flow outward into a beautiful creation like the lotus. In my case, and the case of my intimates, this flow has been love and spiritual openings, represented by the lotus.

I feel how our choices of money spending recently have been based in creating more of this love flow and bathing in it amongst ourselves and with others. Lakshmi seems to be offering me that this is supposed to happen – that money held on to for too long only diminishes its value. Its true value lies in what it is encouraged to transform into. This is comforting and validating, though a part of me still feels tension about when the money we are waiting for from my pay check will finally arrive. Lakshmi addresses this by offering that it “is much easier than I think” to draw money and that it really is arriving soon.

She puts my hands together in a prayer position in front of my heart and wraps a gold ribbon of energy around my hands. The energy and warmth flowing through my body feels like love, healing, and movement. It feels like a blessing. She tells me it IS a blessing, straight from her to me and to my community. She then tells me to open my hands again and hold them in front of me, ready to receive. Together we energize that everything I want and need is already here with me and that receiving money, or indeed any sort of abundance, is actually easy. I get the feeling that she can make almost anything feel easy, yet I trust her when she tells me this too.

As we part, I feel her honouring my heart and soul and all I am living into. I feel her blessing upon me and the blessing of being in her presence run through my body. She is with me still as I write this. She said she would help me record the meeting and she is! I look forward to spending more time in meditation with her, to feel our connection in a deeper way.

*Lakshmi (or Laxmi) is a Hindu goddess. The following is some information I’ve found about her, to help you orient to who she is and what she represents:

Goddess Lakshmi means Good Luck to Hindus. The word ‘Lakshmi’ is derived from the Sanskrit word “Laksya”, meaning ‘aim’ or ‘goal’, and she is the goddess of wealth and prosperity, both material and spiritual.

Lakshmi is depicted as a beautiful woman of golden complexion, with four hands, sitting or standing on a full-bloomed lotus and holding a lotus bud, which stands for beauty, purity and fertility. Her four hands represent the four ends of human life: dharma or righteousness, “kama” or desires, “artha” or wealth, and “moksha” or liberation from the cycle of birth and death.Cascades of gold coins are seen flowing from her hands, suggesting that those who worship her gain wealth. She always wears gold embroidered red clothes. Red symbolizes activity and the golden lining indicates prosperity. Lakshmi is the active energy of Vishnu, and also appears as Lakshmi-Narayan – Lakshmi accompanying Vishnu.

 Two elephants are often shown standing next to the goddess and spraying water. This denotes that ceaseless effort, in accordance with one’s dharma and governed by wisdom and purity, leads to both material and spiritual prosperity.

(Source: http://hinduism.about.com/od/hindugoddesses/p/lakshmi.htm)

**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

It’s All Divine And Personal Play

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

divineplay

My spiritual seeking took a major chill pill the more I realized that I am already in full possession of everything there is to attain. All that’s left is simply playing with it all, and when I get tired, I curl up under a tree and take another nap.

If this sounds different from your experience, I get it. It is very different from how I’ve lived my life on a whole bunch of levels for a long, long time, in a whole bunch of settings.

If this sounds to be to good to be true, as in ‘how can there be improvement without work?’, all I can say is that if you feel this with your heart, you can verify this to be true for yourself. You don’t actually need me to convince you of this.

Which brings up the issue of spiritual abuse and the wake of all the spiritual paths you were once a part of. Every spiritual abuse that’s ever occurred to you happened to you because you were somehow convinced that some one or something possessed something you didn’t, that ‘they’ were somehow more than you.

Don’t be too hard on yourself though, we’ve all done this, and will keep doing it till we’re done with it. We’ve all played small with our bigness out of the sheer fear of who and what we actually fully know that we really are.

You possess right now all there is to possess. You will never become more enlightened than you are. All that’s left is for you to awaken to this fact and all that remains is play.

Your total experience is real and it’s personal. It’s all loaded for meaning and purpose. Don’t believe the shit sellers who preyed on your previous ignorance. You matter. You rock. It might well be made up, of course it is! Hello…it’s all play, people.

Get it? It’s all divine and personal play, and you’re all up in it.

As your life is right now, where it’s moving, what it’s wrestling with. Epic changes. Subtle changes. Love it for the heaven that it is and is becoming. The play ground is infinite, so that basically means you’re never done, while at the same time you can never be more complete than you already are. Your mind might choke a bit on this, but your heart just basks in it.

If it all doesn’t feel like play 5 minutes from now, that’s to be expected. You’ve lived a long time in a parallel universe where almost no one is at play any more past the age of about 5.

The question we’re left with then goes something like this. What stands in the way of you returning to play, and how could you respond to that….but all inside of play?

I gotta go now, I’ve got a life to go play.

Let me know if you wanna play together sometime.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

SoulFullHeart Subpersonalities Healing Process Video Part One

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

New video with Raphael and Jelelle Awen, co-creators and facilitators of the SoulFullHeart Way Of life, sharing about the awakening process that they offer and specifically how they work with subpersonalities, the ‘inner family’ to differentiate our personas or false self to arise into our authentic self or Divine self….part one! You can watch other videos on the SoulFullHeart Experience Channel.

My Week Back At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

By Kathleen Calder

IMG_2888

SoulFullHeart way of life asks us to be our biggest selves, yet also gives us room to breathe and feel our way into our next chapters, holding us the whole time.

I made a checklist. It contained ítems that part of me adamantly wanted to remember to bring with me ‘in case’ I needed them. Even with the intention of staying only a week, there is so much to remember to take with you physically in preparation for the off-grid, rural lifestyle. I held some concern that I would have to readjust after being away from it for 9 months and that it might be challenging to jump right back in.

Of course this happened on several levels since the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary is not just a physical existence. Even for the person who is not choosing to be emotionally or spiritually conscious, it wakens something on the inside and catalyzes movements within and without that are maybe unexpected. Though I guess that, based on my own experience of returning there, perhaps mostly everyone who goes there goes with an intention – something they want to find clarity about or something that simply needs to move inside them, even if it can’t be named in the moment.

I could hardly wait to give the gifts that I brought for my friends and teachers. Coming from the city, there is a sense of being able to give abundantly. However, I feel as if the gifts I received from them were worth more…reminding me that being given the opportunity to land inside an open and loving heart is the greatest gift of all. These three people have known me for four years now. We have been through a lot together and not just in a physical existence sense, but in terms of emotional terrain. They are easily the people who know me best. The reason? I can’t perform for them for long. My parts, etheric or emotional, cannot dance in front of my authentic inner reality without being felt and detected. These people will not be duped and they will not stand my shrinking. I could not stand theirs either. SoulFullHeart way of life asks us to be our biggest selves, yet also gives us room to breathe and feel our way into our next chapters, holding us the whole time.

I arrived at the Sanctuary with the intention of finding clarity for my life situation and what I should feel into doing next. I have been in a relationship for the last few months. It has been very loving and with a man I have adored but I have been missing the exploration of my soul consciousness, which I seemed to mostly put on pause after leaving the Sanctuary in April. My romantic partner and I have had different focuses in our lives and that has been good for us as a couple in some ways, but has been hard for us in others. It has also been unfair to him that I haven’t been happy living in Puerto Vallarta. He was the main reason why I wanted to be there. I wanted to inhabit life with him and see where it took us. We moved in together quickly but I don’t regret a single thing about that. It was what we both wanted and I knew from the beginning that it could bring the relationship to a speedier completion, or of course that it might not either.

My years in SoulFullHeart, my templating from Raphael and Jelayan as my teachers and my relationship with Sequoia (he was Christopher at the time), all taught me to go in, in and in, holding any fears but following the love flow in front of me, trusting that no matter where my heart takes me I will benefit and others will too. I’m feeling now how life is not a game of finding something to keep forever. We aren’t entitled to that. Lasting love is possible, as Raphael and Jelayan have found, but it comes with a journey of finding your own love overflow that cannot begin until you authentically love and mate with yourself.  All the time in and out of relationships is practice and experimentation. The only formula for keeping love is the one that keeps us in stuck relationships that don’t deepen or evolve and keeps us from growing and healing individually.

In a way, I feel humility when I think about this, but also I feel like I breathe a bit easier. I guess that means that I have held a lot of stress in the past of making a life phase or a romance ‘last forever’ when I inherently know that it may not be meant to and that in some ways I may not actually want it to. I now feel much more open to where life wants to take me next, trusting a bit deeper that whatever happens next will only lead me to more healing and feeling more complete inside myself.

My time with the others, but also my time alone, felt more fulfilling during this week at the Sanctuary than it did in the past. So much so that I feel drawn to live there again. I have just completed all there was to complete in Puerto Vallarta, including the romance that I have held dear. The latter is the toughest part right now. The details of that I will keep to myself for now since it’s pretty raw for both of us.

I feel as if my return to the Sanctuary is a return to me. It is my self-love and my desire to have more self-love that I can share with others and help them heal too that led me there originally and is leading me back there to live. I am born to be a healer, especially during this time of transition for the planet and humanity. I have an emerging self that I have barely tapped into in these last 28 years. I am a complete mystery to myself in the moment and I find that refreshing. I’d rather feel like I am an unfolding story than a book that has already been written and read twenty times. All I have right now are clues to who I could be and am becoming and I can’t imagine another place where I can explore this than at the Sanctuary with the support of my most intimate beloveds.

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more.

Openness To Feeling Our Feelings As An Awakening Process

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

tearsarethelanguage

The SoulFullHeart definition of awakening is not about being liberated from feeling anything negative. It is about having the consciousness and heart capacity to hold the reactions, move through them, and gain invaluable healing and understanding in the process.

This afternoon, I experienced a sense of feeling unhappy, which is admittedly rare for me most of the time. It was a vague feeling of unhappiness without a strong charge, but really felt more like a restlessness. I couldn’t feel specific content which created this feeling, but I sensed it has something to do with changes that are coming, both personally and for our community here at the Sanctuary. Changes that will provide a crucible for growth and self understanding, as change always does. It felt like part of me was tense about these changes and how they will impact us and what they will push up to be felt.

There was a rare breeze moving through this afternoon and it seemed to reflect my impatience back to me. As has been my spiritual and emotional healing practice for many years, I asked myself: “Which part of me is agitated?’ and ‘What is going on in my life right now or what has been previously subconscious to me that is now coming up?’ Finally: ‘What do I need to be open to feeling?’

This openness to feeling the source of my reactions has led me to the place I am now most of the time….can it be called, ‘awakened’? Or, even, enlightened? I suppose it could be, seen through a certain filter. Or, at least that I have had tastes of being awakened based on the experiences I have had and continue to have. Why, then, if this is true, am I feeling restless and, even, agitated? Isn’t all that supposed to be ‘behind me’?

I feel that these questions are at the heart of the distortion about being awakened or enlightened. As if, suddenly, like receiving a bolt from the sky, we are free of our feelings and reactions. As if, we are released from our humanity and no longer ‘plagued’ by shifting moods and emotional tides. Maybe for some souls this is true….maybe it was true for Buddha as he was described by others. And for Yeshua and for Krishnamurti perhaps. But, it seems to me that these saints and sages must have had passing moods and feelings too. They were human after all, even if they had ascended to a place of consciousness that is well beyond what most of us experience every day. While I admire deeply the great saints and sages, I don’t look to them for a model of being without feelings but rather as templates of how to hold higher states of consciousness and our humanity in one individual expression of Infinite Awareness and Infinite Love.

For those of us interested in personal and spiritual growth, I feel that what we are after is understanding and awareness about our reactions and moods. We want to understand and, therefore, ultimately heal our pain and suffering to experience more joy and wonder about our lives. And through this understanding, be able to make choices that feel more in alignment with who we authentically are and our soul purpose reason for being here. Perhaps some of us want to experience our nondual nature in magical moments freed from the tight constraints and filtering of our minds. Or, we want to feel the arms of the Divine around us, guiding and holding us, even as in moments It sets us free to fly our own routes, sovereignly following our passions and our desires.

The SoulFullHeart definition of awakening is not about being liberated from feeling anything negative. It is about having the consciousness and heart capacity to hold the reactions, move through them, and gain invaluable healing and understanding in the process. Being with my feelings in this way for over ten years is what has opened my heart and soul to let in the altered states of consciousness that I have experienced and the overall joyful and magical way that I relate to my life. Yes, ‘bad’ moods still occur for me, but they are held with sacredness and honor. And, they move quite quickly rather than sticking to a deeper, unconscious depression and suffering place inside of me as they did before I began my growth process.

Within the SoulFullHeart community, we invite everyone to share reactions and feelings that come up – as I will do at dinner tonight with my mate Raphael and others after checking in with myself and my guides to feel into the source of my feelings. Being able to share our vulnerable feelings with others who can feel us and love us is another key to awakening to our essence as Infinite Love. Without a support for our inner world to come out, our false self suppresses it and part of us pretends everything is fine. This suppression comes from a sense of feeling separate from each other, which then makes it necessary to hide what we really feel. When we are invited to be authentic with ourselves, with others, and with the Divine from a place of connection and Oneness about what we are feeling, we experience the reactions move and heal. We experience that everything about us can be held with love and sacredness, even what we would have previously judged as ‘negative’ or ‘unenlightened.’

Now that I am finished writing this blog, I feel better and lighter. My heart is filled with the truth of what I am offering and my desire to share this with others who are tired of suppressing their feelings and pretending to be what they are not. The agitated mood is moving along like the breeze, not gone for good but ebbing and flowing until I need it again.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions.