The Buried Treasures Of Our 3D Self


Sitting. Meditating. Thoughts swirling all around. Analyzing, comparing, judging, questioning, doubting, wondering, and hiding. I can feel the density of it all and yet my highest heart and soul is holding it all with care and compassion. I am on a path. A journey. One that has chosen to come to terms with these 3rd Dimensional polarities and woundings inside me as beloved parts of my Highest Self.

I can remember the days before beginning this process.  The days where I would be looking for any form of relief I could find to make all the intense inner energies just go away.  Not be felt anymore. This ranged from self-help to spirituality to substance abuse. Using movies, food, exercise, sex and socializing as ways to cover over what was so front and center in my emotional body. Yet I just couldn’t find the courage to really go IN and deal with it all, for I could intuitively feel that if I did, a part of me would have to let go of all the suffering it had been used to as Life itself.  It was an existential identification with the pain in a way.  Who would I be without it?

It almost seems odd to feel that a part of us would be addicted to something so painful. But when you make the choice to finally go into the hard-to-feel places, you realize how much of this part of you has been invested in it.  That it has become its world. It has substituted something much smaller in place of what is much bigger, yet it hasn’t quite picked up on that until it has been given the time and space to feel and see it.

This is where the 3D self begins to recognize all that it has done to make life navigable and bearable. Even using higher frequencies to by-pass the lower ones. It is a tricky circumstance because it all feels right until what remains unfelt comes back again and again.  The oil of our wounding continues its ascension just as much as our consciousness. I can feel that in meditation.

As we have been developing the SoulFullHeart process more clearly, with an emphasis on the 3D Self in the beginning, I can feel all those nooks and crannies that still hold court inside my emotional body.  They don’t hold the same power as they once did but they are there nevertheless. It has been generally referred to as our Ego, and it is something that has gotten some negative publicity.  Something to transcend rather than heal and transform. This aspect of us is a very important part of our ascension as it holds so many traumas and fears. It is seeking love and integration, not annihilation.

So in this moment I hold those fears, judgments, and doubts as sacred beings inside my heart. They are the keys to new worlds inside me and a transformation of the world outside. I can feel some difficult things that still need my attention and that means I am on the right path.  Not that the path is meant to be hard, it is just that we set up some challenges for ourselves to live our way through so we can find out what it is we are truly all about and what we are not.

This new focus has lit up something in my own journey, and when you start to feel these hidden wounds within the context of a larger process, you too will begin to realize how much gold has been buried inside you awaiting your harvest. All held by the love of your Higher 5D Self and your Divine Parents.  They are what brings us to the next going-on place toward our greatest calling in the service of love.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at


The Multi-Dimensional Dance Of Soul And Heart Maturation

by Kalayna Colibri

flying heart

It’s an odd dance for me today and lately, of feeling both here and not here, both overwhelmed and as if I am in abundant joy to the point where I want to yell in some sort of orgasmic ecstasy… this push-pull sensation between the unknown and the known. The sort of acquaintance I have had deep in my soul with being a ‘young adult’ and taken care of by many though there was always an ache to be independent of this too. It’s a polarization of wanting to mature, to have my heart grow and open and beacon OUT in the service of love and a tug on the inside that still wants to stay small, stay ‘young’, find a mom and maybe a dad too to take care of all of my major needs. At times this ‘parent’ on the outside has been drawn through a boyfriend or a best friend. Sometimes it has pulled on aspects of my beloveds too, needing challenges that would come from a parent shaping their child, wanting to be guided in all choices instead of seeking the guidance within and getting messy when necessary. I think some of the more chaotic phases of my life have come as a result of this polarization, this feeling of both wanting to BE so much more of who I AM and am becoming, and yet being content on some level to find my smallness again too through circumstances and relationships and even jobs as well.

I’ve had plenty of ‘adulthood’ templates cross my path. Many of which parts of me have rebelled against, wanting to find their own way. At times it has been a relief to feel that someone has been wherever I am at a given moment before and can offer me wisdom from the place of having walked through it. And yet, at other times, the relief has not come as then these moments seem to ‘rob’ a part of me of being able to experience it all on my/her own too. To prove that maybe there IS another way that it can all turn out… inevitably, we all have to walk out our own circumstances in a way that fits with our soul and heart maturity level. This is supposed to shape our destinies in different ways than maybe we’ve ever seen or noticed before. This is daunting and empowering, both.

Some of this is the ‘Indigo dilemma’ it feels like, or at least this is what I feel to call it in the moment. It’s this inner drive to change pretty much everything about how the world works or has worked until now. It often comes out as a desire to set fire to systems and sometimes even leaders themselves… maybe not literally, but I can definitely own that in my shadow there have been moments of wanting to at least spit fireballs at leaders through a few well-chosen words. Even as I write and digest this, I can feel different Metasoul aspects of mine that live in different dimensions and eras but have been a part of some major moments in the world’s history, including wars and also the co-founding of different dimensional mystery schools such as Avalon or at least its early stages… at any rate, this spitfire way of approaching what’s happening and has happened globally feels like it actually comes from a much deeper core wound inside of my Metasoul that I and I’m sure many other Indigos are actually working at this very moment. It’s this feeling of, ‘I have to grow up (‘ascend’) HERE? In THIS place?? Where no one really listens to each other, let alone what I have to say?’ It has a bearing on our self-worth, a ring to it that hurts to feel as it hits deeper and deeper. We are feeling collective pain and angst and also our own. All souls everywhere, or at least those awakening now, have seen, felt,  experienced much through their own Metasoul experiences, let alone this life (which can be a loaded cannon for many too, in and of itself). To feel OUTraged is actually quite easy, but to bring it back inward and feel what’s going on at deeper levels of our being, THAT is the challenging part…

I feel that some of this global maturation process is about embracing our multi-dimensionality and our parts too. It is about really looking at ourselves, even and especially when tempted to blame someone or something on the outside of us. Transformation is an inside job, really. It is a course of owning that we aren’t quite ‘there’ yet in terms of being completely healed, feeling humbled enough to drop the self-righteousness and LOOK at what still needs the waters of self-love to be nourished and keep on growing up and opening out. I do feel this up and down feeling of being at times in a rapidly moving elevator heading one direction or another yet mostly UPward, is a necessary crucible for embracing deeper abundance and love. There is a pending expiration date on our smallness, a time when the toddler clothes or teen clothes just don’t fit anymore… it’s a time to keep moving into the more ‘adult’ skins that may feel as if they hang loosely for a while until they are fully grown into my our purifying and growing sacred human hearts. I’m still not quite sure what it means to truly ‘adult’ in this world, in an authentic way for my ‘age’. Yet more and more I can feel what it is not or does not feel to be at least for me and the stage I am at in my process and growth.

Maybe somehow, someday, it just all clicks into place. Maybe it never really does, or at least not for long. I’m okay with the unfolding mystery of that. I’m okay with even feeling this tension of the unknown, as I so trust there is another side to it AND I feel how the Divine doesn’t really know either. I feel in this with you too, you taking this into your own heart and soul, feeling it for yourself perhaps. We are creating all of what we want more of in every moment we choose to do so and in that, we are already inhabiting more and more of who we are truly meant to be and become too!



Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at





Premise 2: Mature the ego and experience Oneness

By Raphael Awen


Welcome to day two of our 21 day Magical Mystery Tour of the SoulFullHeart Premises. Today promises to be a big day in premises as we’re exploring our second premise.

‘Why are you offering premises, though?’ you may ask.

Every spiritual or healing practice is premised upon a specific worldview about the nature of things. This worldview dictates what happens and how it happens or doesn’t. It may seem like a mental engagement at first, but for those with a keen eye and heart for what they really want and need, nothing sorts out a choice point like considering the premises of a given healing offering.

When premises are not clearly laid out and available for all participants to consider as they get involved with a group, it all too often leaves them falling prey to conforming to the groups identity out of a codependent and understandable need to belong, rather than choosing to be a part of a community because it lights up your heart and soul growth like no other.

If you’ve been deeply involved in a group or community in the past that failed as a community or simply failed to hold your interest and engagement, I invite you to weigh every single SoulFullHeart premise in these 21 days together and ask yourself, ‘If I ever did join back in with a group again, what would they need to embody for me to get involved?’

SoulFullHeart may not end up being your choice or even what’s right for you, but you will have moved your souls healing path hugely forward by giving your attention to the importance of premises. Premises are what the foundation is to the house.

Ready to go?

Here is the second SoulFullHeart premise:

“SoulFullHeartenment is an awakening state of consciousness involving the paradoxical processes of individuation or ego maturation while healing the illusion of the separate self leading to a deepening sense of union with self, others, and God/The Divine.”

Another mouthful, right? Let’s sort it out and I think you’ll get from this what you are meant to. These are pregnant words carrying a lot of energy and you can have very different experiences of them at different moments. Likewise, me putting more words around them can go in different directions on different days.

Let’s start with the word ‘SoulFullHeartenment.’ We made up this word to carry an energy specific to the result of undergoing the SoulFullHeart healing process. SoulFullHeart is a path of simultaneously healing both soul and heart wounding, or as Jelelle likes to say, ‘healing from our roots and our wings.’ One is not preferred over the other nor is one used to minimize the other.

We feel that where heart wounding is not adequately explored and healed, all of our exploration into soul domains and non-dual states, or simply a healing therapy, are largely a medicative reality for the untouched heart wounding. However, where the personhood ground of the heart is explored and healed, the doorways into soul domains and non-dual awakening are far more natural and effortless portals into our authentic self expression.

‘SoulFullHeart-enment’ then is this place of never ending movement into ever deepening human expressions of our essence as Infinite Love, in both heart and soul frequencies. It’s not a state of attainment, but more likened to living in a parallel universe where it’s your native place of residence from the moment of choosing this inclusive path. All claims of ‘progress’ are surrendered to simply not having any way of measuring anything in an infinite reality. Progress, for what it’s worth, is simply being on the path.

It’s much like trying to describe to others a totally mind blowing sexual experience. It’s obviously new to you, and has you all aglow, but try as you may, there’s no way to quantify what you had. All you can do is claim ‘more than’ in comparison to what you had before. It seems to be one of the few areas that a government bureaucracy hasn’t ever been able to regulate, measure, and tax because it is so immeasurable and so uncontrollable.

Let’s go on now to this piece about ‘an awakening state of consciousness.’ We see that when souls enter a human life, they are largely surrendering to falling asleep and mostly forgetting their true identity and their intentions for their soul healing mission in a given life. It is this ‘having our hands tied behind our back’ in relation to our awakening that calls us from our very depths to forge a deep resolve and choice sufficient to cast off our pre-chosen slumber.

Many are not meant (from their own sovereignty) to awaken this life and instead are working their healing path through staying asleep. One is of no more intrinsic value than the other, and both are God expressions. If you are a soul that has chosen to awaken this life, you are enabled to do this by way of comparative difference, and choosing amongst options and your personal power to act on those choices. It is in this very real human drama setting that your epic healing story occurs.

This awakening consciousness unfolding has a powerful paradox, however, at its root, and two at first seemingly ‘at odds’ vectors. In SoulFullHeart’s picture, they are powerfully, perfectly and inextricably one.

One is your path of individuation. This is the path of coming to terms with being a distinct and defined self, an embodied sovereign human, with boundaries and power to decide, decree, and declare what goes on and doesn’t go on within your borders. And you can’t do any of that without an ego. Ego is seen simply as your centre of awareness and there are no judgments against the ego as being the source of all suffering and pain as taught in so many spiritual practices and traditions.

We feel rather that it is about what our egos are currently attached to, and the relative health or unhealthy nature of those ego attachments that are at issue. However, to remove the ego is to render a person non existent. The premise that ‘self is bad’ is the underground root conviction of these teachings, stemming from undiscovered and unhealed unworthiness at the core of the personal and collective being. You can’t express or have experience as a human without ego and without a persona to conduct life. Some face has to show up for the party.

Doesn’t that all by itself just take a ton of pressure off in relation to all the bullshit you had heaped on you about trying to rid yourself of ego?

Now, if your ego is currently attached to Nascar, beer and high fives, you and I aren’t going to have much ego resonance, but rest assured, you’ll be able to find plenty of others with all the ego resonance you need to find enough community and work your healing path in the way that you are, regardless of my judgments about the unconscious nature of your journey.

I’ll have to take my judgments, along with my ego and be on my way seeking resonance around what my ego is currently attached to. And when we’re all said and done, there will be plenty of time to debrief and compare notes with one another and, I’m sure, both learn from each other, over a beer even.

But, it’s about maturing the ego, not obliterating the ego.

You are an individual. The definition of that word contains a deep explanation of how we see the self. In-divi-dual translates out to ‘a duality (dual nature or two-ness) that cannot be divided. You are an inseparable expression of both being utterly distinct and indistinct from everyone else around you. Both are true and it’s only when both are seen and held as true that a healthy relationship with life can unfold inside of you.

All the goodies of individuation are yours, like sex and buying shoes and having a personality. So are all the goodies of being all wrapped up in Oneness, utterly inseparable from All That Is. You already are completely non-dual awakened in this way with the only thing you are working on is becoming more and more conscious of this preexisting fact regarding the true nature of your being. And you don’t have to kill the ego to attain anything.

Forget attainment……It’s tiring and the source of a ton of suffering, control, and superiorizing. Instead, if you need work at something, do like Jesus said and ‘labour to enter into rest’….do your own personal healing that will allow you to let in the spring-loaded essence that you already are, but is yet unmanifest in daily expression.

So, where does all of this take you, then? It takes you to ever deepening union with self, others and the Divine. Union with all of self begins in SoulFullHeart as the crucial getting to know, feeling and healing of our subpersonalities, who hold our this life and past life wounding. This leads the way to true and alive relationality with others and the Divine….all of which are paradoxically one and inseparable from the self at the same time. A relationship by definition requires an other to relate with. It’s a bit crazy making to begin to feel into, that we are both ‘other’ and ‘not other’ simultaneously, but ultimately it is the path to true sanity, because it is in alignment with What Is.

Trying to describe this in words is like the difference in sex between genital friction, as in the clinical word ‘coitus’, compared to a heart, soul and total body having a connection that is so deeply a personal and a transpersonal experience at the same time, where the afterglow goes into infinity and words fall hopelessly short of description.

We are wired in our essence to fire on these cylinders in all the dimensions of our being. We use the phrase ‘Self, Others, and The Divine’ a lot to highlight the essential growth tracks of our relationality. Our personal relationality is founded on the interrelationship of self, other and the Divine. We separate what cannot be separated in order to provide a relational space in order to come back to the utter Oneness and inseparability that we are.
Pretty cool, huh?

I know today’s premise discussion opens out a lot of questions about things we touched on today like subpersonalities, the nature of reality, God, dual and nondual, etc., and I wanted to let you know that these are all coming up as separate premises right around the corner.

Thank you for being on day two of this tour. See you tomorrow sometime after sun up for day three.

I’d really like to know you are on board for this journey, so I welcome your comments and questions.

Please visit our website at for a listing of all the premises and more information.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information.