Integrating And Discovering Your Personal Spirituality

by Kalayna Colibri

spiritual neon sign

There’s a strong picture right now, of many souls choosing to ‘shop around’. I feel and see this picture of ‘window shopping’ when it comes to dating and relationships, yet also spirituality and a healing process. To commit to a ‘process’ right now, does not seem to be on the agenda of many, as it’s hard to see many choosing to walk through the door of any one ‘store’ at the moment. In some ways, this is very understandable, considering that many of you may have only JUST realized that you COULD choose, either because you are moving into another vista of awakening now, and/or because something in your soul hasn’t been able to let in choice in this dimension of existence.

This choosing process feels to come out of a questioning of what YOUR personal spirituality looks and feels like, and if you honestly even feel one at all right now. How does YOUR spirituality express through you, that isn’t solely influenced by culture or your friends or birth family members? In a recent session I held with a facilitant, I felt the strong influence on her spirituality in her field from her birth family especially, and realized that in order to truly experience your own spirituality and what it’s made of, you need to go inside and feel it through your heart first. In other words, it can only really be accessed by way of your deepest humanity – your pain and your joys, both. This is what helps parts and soul aspects of you collapse into your arms and the loving arms of the Divine too.

Spiritual consciousness has a collective imprint. It has fads and trends, classes and courses you can attend. It has lineages and religious beliefs too. It has impact in so many ways, many of which are positive and yet many of which that feel negative too… not ‘wrong’, just more fear-based than love-based. But what of the matters of your own heart and what it has been through and experienced in this life and with this consciousness you have now? What of the matters of your ancient, likely star-being based soul, that reaches timelines yet untouched by any part or piece of you? This is all personal with the collective woven in. And your personal experience must be experienced through your person-ness, first, by your healing and growth and integration of shadow AND light.

Greater self-permission is dawning now, with more souls and hearts longing for a personal experience as well as nondual experiences and actually allowing them in at exponential rates too. This can pop for anyone at any moment, yet it is sweetest, in my experience, if tasted through the heart while in conscious relationship with your parts and metasoul aspects too. An amazing journey of realizing THROUGH experience, not just concepts and constructs that may or may not have been lived out by those teaching you or others, is what awaits now and is a timeline already here if one decides to reach out and touch it, asking for it, wanting it more and more.

The SoulFullHeart Way of Life is a committed process, being felt and lived out at deeper and deeper levels at all times by all who are on this path. It isn’t for everyone, but it is an answer to the question of how to explore and discover your own spirituality, where it comes from and where it could be leading you. It may mean the end of the ‘shopping around’ or ‘seeking’ timeline for you, as you embrace being a student of this path and also of yourself, or it may not. It is a challenging yet beloved journey of healing and growth that goes much deeper than you may imagine just yet! To feel into this some more for yourself and see if it resonates for you, you can visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sfhprocess for more information. ❤

No matter where you are or who are you now, choosing to fully inhabit what feels right to you in the moment, even if it’s mostly 3D life, is a choice that can only lead to the next level of learning and growth. Going into what’s in front of you, with all your heart, or choosing something different, is within your realm of power and will pop you out into your next choice points and your next invitations for deeper inhabitation of you and everything you are and are meant to be. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

 

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Acknowledging, Feeling, Honouring And Healing Our Narcissism To Feel Real Compassion

by Kalayna Colibri

Look-Within

There are phases of very necessary self-focus. It’s good to dedicate a lot of time to personal process that has to do with YOU as your number one priority. Some of us don’t do this enough, some of us do it too much, and the balance of giving and taking is somehow very challenging to find and live into. Eventually, these phases of needing to go inward have a healthy sense of self-focus that has more of a balance of where the focus goes and comes from a growing emotional and spiritual maturity as we heal and allow in mirrors that help us map out where to go next. This takes a dedication though and the process of it all has not been shown to most of us before, so there is a lot to discover and rediscover as we go, allowing ourselves to get messy and sometimes trip along the way as the best way to learn.

Within our birth families, many of us have been the ‘black sheep’. Parts of us never felt understood and found ways to rebel. This took an enormous amount of self-care and focus, the best parts of us could conjure at the time, and necessarily so – these self-made nests of bedrooms and cozy family basements became our stages for self-exploration. We needed our forays into writing, artistic explorations, fantasy worlds, and eventually spiritual seeking and finding. We needed these phases of pushing away from the collective, from birth family, maybe even from peers and the church and/or education systems, we were wrapped up in. Parts of us started to refuse to go deeper into it… or decided to go in as deeply as possible, following along with another flavour of rebellion that may have meant following the rules only to one day snap and burn it all away. This took whatever ounces of love we could muster and find in our inner and outer worlds, drawing friendships and romances that were (and are), in the end, reflections of how we ultimately felt (and feel) about ourselves.

In order to push away from what we could feel was very much NOT us, or not what parts of us wanted to be, we had to encase ourselves in some degree of HEALTHY narcissism. This encasement may even have stretched well into our adult years, or, we had parts of us that decided to suddenly flip a switch and go far into the other direction, feeling ourselves as deep empaths that can quite powerfully feel others. Even in this though, is a layer of narcissism. There is a layer here of blaming ‘other’ for how and what you feel. There is a fixation on how ‘you’ are being affected by something or someone or somewhere, without truly feeling how and why others may be affected and that you may or may not have a part to play in this too.

Feeling and realizing this shatters our mirrors held up by our own hand, that only show us our self-made goodness, yet not the deeper, more compassionate goodness within that has true innocence and purity of intention. Our narcissism in our years of needing to rebel, needing to find an ‘us’ that could hold life, needing to navigate a spiritual path that we hope will open out to serving others, has been mostly about us and not actually about serving the world or the people in it. This is HARD to look at and feel. This is probably one of the toughest reflections of ourselves and how we’ve operated in this world to take in. True compassion, in my experience, can’t really come unless we are willing to see this piece inside of our shadows. Feeling all of this also frees us from our victimhood that again parts of us have rightfully needed to hold onto… We cannot truly find our power within unless we are willing to go here.

In terms of our Ascension, it could be that this is one of the biggest pieces for us to look at and heal with deep sobriety and dedication. If there is no interest in doing so, there is something to look at with that too, as it’s natural for our deep knowledge of our goodness to not want to have to go here, yet our ‘goodness’ can be a story that parts of us tell, meanwhile they don’t deeply feel they ARE good, until they have been able to feel the reasons why this is… the reasons why they hold this wounding. There is so much unworthiness within that this process brings us to. There are many layers here and each one brings us closer and closer to our higher hearts, our genuine Christ Consciousness, where we can and do shed tears for others, for the world, and then can bring it back inward in a healthy way too, to digest it all in authentic Divine connection and love, and in genuine soul and heart connection with others too.

Being real about not being able to feel or even care for others in a given moment, actually helps parts of us relax and can bring us almost immediately to a more compassionate place within. It also claims our responsibility and our desire to heal this block to serving and giving love. We have not had adequate modeling of how to truly be compassionate in this world. So much of it has been put on for the sake of self-image, it feels like. This has not been ‘bad’ for us though, we are just entering a phase of being invited deeper into it, to question it and ourselves more, and to really heal what we need to in order to be in LOVE in the truest sense. We already have all of the goodness inside of us that we need so as to truly feel and love this aspect of us that again has served us so well for so many years.

There is so much love on the other side of this mirror. So much love that wants to reach you, to flow to and through you. Love that wants to show itself in all of your relationships, in whatever ways it can. It is a love that is ever-purifying and incredibly deep, if only we can start to let it in and allow it to do its work. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Poem: Letting Love

by Kalayna Colibri

Magical heart shape spiral in space fractal with particles

Interwoven heart clothes fall along shuffling feet.

Healing hands pull energetic nuances of lovely subtle flowers

and an escapee life of lush lovelorn lace and spinner lights.

It’s one place of many more magical moments to come into view of the dearest wanting pieces.

Foreign chords of many ordinary oddities bring it all back in to that rainbow of open road.

Even those sounds of the missing call the song of melodies remembered always.

An unknown toil of yet-to-be-known articles resembling the past and an ever-present presence

bringing all ebbs flowing forward in this dance of what could never be felt

until the time ticked along of the newly emerging emergency of now and instant bringings.

Take it all to the inside and outside of the corners where all stars are collected

and feel where the new-old love songs now call out to the unborn listener

of sometimes comfortable cravings still borne out to dry in the heavy lungs of the dawning days.

Love Love LOVE! is that sacred siren song of the aching breathers and reachers from the mud of what was once the only truth yet never satisfied as food should.

LOVE love LOVE! is the dance of the flying edges asking for more than they have ever known and the returning feeling that they have always wanted deep inside of the love they too are made of.

To find the way back is through each other.

To find the way in is through the self.

To find the way upward is through the press of life’s birth canals and all contractions brought by Love

inside the established ALL that forever knows the places and paces of its ongoing ringing out.

And for now and always a path is laid

for the eager and earnest to find, inhabit and become.

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

Feeling What We Really Want In Our Social Worlds As We Awaken

 

by Kalayna Colibri

our social worlds

On a Saturday night, I gaze among the busy social streets and walkways, humming with activity and energy and alcohol and friendship… sometimes coupled with drama and pain and backed-up emotional outbursts. During these party times, you can feel the buzz in the air that will soon be in every body, not just from substances taken in, but from the high of socializing, being among peers, perhaps finding love, sex or making new friends. There are grounds here that are healthy to explore and some that aren’t really in a sense, and yet it’s all sacred and it’s all ultimately a path to self-discovery and remembrance, even if this isn’t made conscious in the moments these selves, these individuals, these human BEings are in.

While young, being spiritual can find its place in you if this is what you’ve signed up for… exploring consciousness can sometimes happen with your peers, while at other times it won’t or just can’t. For a phase this journey with them can only go so deep and that’s fine with you for a while, but beyond that phase when that was enough, it’s not quite enough anymore. This is when values shift along with ideas of life and how to live it consciously and more fully. This is where certain areas of focus, ways to find pleasure, and paths to feeling a togetherness with others all rumble beneath your feet and in front of your eyes. This is where your life begins to turn itself upside down in countless ways as you begin to feel the need to push away, sometimes dramatically, sometimes subtly, but always in a way that reminds you, you are your own person and you have your own sense of what energies you need and want to be around as your self love heals and deepens.

There can be a fear arising then, for some… that no one will ever really “get” them or may judge them for walking away from the relationship. Parts of them form and begin to strategize to either stay alone out of fear of having and then losing intimacy at any level, or choose to merge in with whatever group of people they are around or whatever situation they are in, becoming one with all around them and not much of an individual in most ways. There is tension and yet also relief as you find your ways to take care of and love YOU as your number one priority. There is sometimes also flatness, as managing these ups and downs (that are hormonal, sure, but also a genuine awakening to soul and heart pain) can be a challenging crucible to hold and handle and be with. So much depends on who you choose to be around and talk to and lean into for support. This shopping around, seeking, searching experience is one that can be incredibly mind and heart-opening, fascinating, and ever-arising too, as resonance moves in and out in very necessary growth phases. This again changes the social circle you choose to be part of and certainly affects the one you currently have as you continue to awaken to the love you are and the love you want to experience between yourself and others. There are so many different dynamics that are possible here and that play out in different ways, with many possible outcomes… yet the risk is always the same – if I don’t stay the same and they do, I will be friendless again or even for the first time…

The strong soul-pull to discover and remember our purposes is something that is happening more and more with people of all ages and soul groups, especially right now with ascension processes accelerating for everyone, yet when it comes to indigo, crystal and rainbow souls, for example, these social awakenings can come very early in our lives as we came in with a powerful, mission-based focus that is natural for us to feel, yet not so natural to “know” exactly what to do with. It can be very challenging to finds ways to fit in with others in our peer group, not because we are victims to this (though parts of us understandably feel this way sometimes) but because we chose for this to be the case… after all, if we actually DID feel as if we totally, fully, completely “belonged”, where would our sense of mission and awakening to our soul gifts have room to happen, take hold and start manifesting in our lives? To not suffer around this, means going IN and feeling ourselves with reflections from teachers and mentors who have also been there and can help us learn to navigate it, often much better than our birth parents ever could – not necessarily because they didn’t want to try, but because in some ways they weren’t actually meant to be the ones to lead you onward and into this.

Throughout the majority of my life to date, having and keeping a thriving a social world was very challenging. This is partly because I was always very much IN my emotional states and didn’t have templating for how to actually BE with them and hold them… no adult around me could help with this and my peers had a hard time relating to me most of the time, plus it eventually became a tool for parts of me to actually push and keep others away. Then there was spirituality and the deepening of THAT for me… and now I am on a very powerful and ever-expanding path that spans both my emotional AND spiritual inner realities and THAT is rare, though it seems that more and more people, as they awaken, are realizing how connected these two realities are and that they need healing in both in order to fully embrace and live into ascension. In my experience and observation both, I can see and feel how this ground of being naturally very emotional and also spiritual has been and continues to be a tough crucible for many of us… awakening does come at a cost, yet is intended to invite us out of suffering while holding the parts of us who cling to suffering as a way to be in life. One of these ways in which we seem to choose to continue suffering, is by surrounding ourselves with relationships that do not have a deeply resonant ground. Our social worlds collapse and expand as we continue to grow… but not without love leading the way and guiding us to our next places inward that then draw our next circumstances outward.

Not having a full social world to ground you can be hard for some souls, yet for others it won’t be and that poses its own challenges. Choosing the path of the lone wolf is also hard and even though parts of you may be working to bury the loneliness somehow, it is still there. These parts can be held, worked with and healed deeply, allowing us to feel how we really, genuinely feel, what it is we most deeply want and who we actually want to be around and spend time with. Our loneliness is sacred and alchemical… it is creative. It is a space where we can feel our deepest aches and desires for mateship, for companionship, for a community of people that continually arise for us as we arise for them. Being afraid of feeling our loneliness is expected and normal, but holding these parts of us who feel this way teaches us so much about ourselves and offers us much healing when it is held in our hearts FOR us and WITH love and Divine guidance and company too… we are never really alone, though this can be hard to feel and let in. Yet sometimes alone-ness can be a grace, a place to genuinely feel what we need to feel, and an oven to bake our arising desires in.

Perhaps you are part of a social world right now that may be running out of ground for you, as your awakenings are helping you feel pictures and energies of the sort of love you want to feel from you to you and flowing from you to others and vice versa… in the end, the choice is yours as to what steps to take next, and there is no wrong answer or true misstep along the way. Even our biggest messes seem to offer us many gems of learning, growth and self-discovery. Letting go can be painful and hard, yet in the end, true service to a relationship of any kind starts with feeling what you genuinely want and need, while holding all relationships with an open hand and heart. This becomes a grace to you and your parts, and them and theirs too, as everyone is then free to go along their own path, however they see and feel it unfolding for them.

I would love to serve you and help you navigate this terrain that can be so challenging and yet hopeful too. You are meant to become more of your essence, your light, your soul purpose and mission. You are meant to lead and BE a big part of ascension and we all need each other more than perhaps we ever have before!

You can visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information on session space.

Sending you lots of love and support… ❤

Kalayna

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

It’s All Divine And Personal Play

By Raphael Awen

divineplay

My spiritual seeking took a major chill pill the more I realized that I am already in full possession of everything there is to attain. All that’s left is simply playing with it all, and when I get tired, I curl up under a tree and take another nap.

If this sounds different from your experience, I get it. It is very different from how I’ve lived my life on a whole bunch of levels for a long, long time, in a whole bunch of settings.

If this sounds to be to good to be true, as in ‘how can there be improvement without work?’, all I can say is that if you feel this with your heart, you can verify this to be true for yourself. You don’t actually need me to convince you of this.

Which brings up the issue of spiritual abuse and the wake of all the spiritual paths you were once a part of. Every spiritual abuse that’s ever occurred to you happened to you because you were somehow convinced that some one or something possessed something you didn’t, that ‘they’ were somehow more than you.

Don’t be too hard on yourself though, we’ve all done this, and will keep doing it till we’re done with it. We’ve all played small with our bigness out of the sheer fear of who and what we actually fully know that we really are.

You possess right now all there is to possess. You will never become more enlightened than you are. All that’s left is for you to awaken to this fact and all that remains is play.

Your total experience is real and it’s personal. It’s all loaded for meaning and purpose. Don’t believe the shit sellers who preyed on your previous ignorance. You matter. You rock. It might well be made up, of course it is! Hello…it’s all play, people.

Get it? It’s all divine and personal play, and you’re all up in it.

As your life is right now, where it’s moving, what it’s wrestling with. Epic changes. Subtle changes. Love it for the heaven that it is and is becoming. The play ground is infinite, so that basically means you’re never done, while at the same time you can never be more complete than you already are. Your mind might choke a bit on this, but your heart just basks in it.

If it all doesn’t feel like play 5 minutes from now, that’s to be expected. You’ve lived a long time in a parallel universe where almost no one is at play any more past the age of about 5.

The question we’re left with then goes something like this. What stands in the way of you returning to play, and how could you respond to that….but all inside of play?

I gotta go now, I’ve got a life to go play.

Let me know if you wanna play together sometime.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

‘I seek, therefore I am’: Golden Earth Tales

infinitelovegates

Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. We’d love to receive your support!

(This is Part Eight of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales.)

By Raphael Awen

Who are you, dear reader of this blog? What brings you here? I hope I am not being too forward with asking such pointed questions. Let me back up.

First, I want to thank you for being here.

Thank you for being here.

You are here with your being.

Your being, I venture to say, is seeking something. You would not be here (or anywhere else online for that matter) if you were not seeking something.

Seeking something is what makes you a you.

You may be someone who stumbled on this blog series or seen it mentioned somewhere. I welcome you here.

You may be an old friend coming to check out what I am doing, or a family member who misses me since we left off contact. I welcome you here. I miss you too. Our curiosity about each other and missing of each other evidences that we are unified in our need and desire for something. We may have parted over a debate over what particular something is worthy of seeking, but we are joined back together in the realization that we share a deep and profound commonality in that we seek.

You may be someone who feels sharply in disagreement about my life choices or what Soulfullheart is about and you’re here seeking to confirm those suspicions. I welcome you here as well, fellow seeker.

That we are all in search of something is a reality so deep that we are willing to separate over what we seek in order to insure that our freedom to seek, and to seek as we choose, be held intact.

‘I seek, therefore I am’, is our shared humanity.

I have a growing awareness that who and what you and I are is so much more than what we have even hardly begun to discover. What we call, ‘The Self’ is so vast that even our disagreements and differences are a necessary part of our journey of discovery.

I also deeply feel that this quest to know will never be fully realized because who and what we are is an infinitely expanding reality. We can grow in our acceptance of the wonder about what we are, but we will never arrive at any destination of fully knowing ourselves. We’ll have to settle for more instead of all.

As you read these words, can you feel an awakening in you of an expansive feeling of your own bigness? The feeling that you are so much bigger than you have ever realized about yourself is a challenging feeling to let in.

Your current experience of life is but a fraction of what there is to experience, and this will remain true for the rest of your life.

This points to the reason most of us fill our lives with so much busyness and distraction. Underneath the busyness is an unfelt and disturbing feeling of ‘I don’t know who I am.’ When that feeling is made conscious as well as accepted to be a beautiful part of your humanity, it changes so much about how life looks and feels to you.

Your seeking to know yourself is but a part of the universe’s search to know itself.

The love that you seek is but a part of the love that you are.

The life you seek is but a part of the life that you are.

I am one with you in that experience. I am one with you in this essence.

Here is where we are utterly inseparable.

Here, between you, me, and whatever we call the Divine, there is no ‘other’.

We are all One.

Raphael Awen hails from SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. You can also track him on twitter via @raphaelawen, or on facebook: facebook.com/raphaelawen1. Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. We’d love to receive some of your money!