Category: A Love Story: The Cycle of Relationships

A Love Story: Part Five (A Choicepoint)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

This part of my “love story” is more of my own side of things as I was realizing that my spirituality and my 3D life were struggling to coexist. I was in a limbo space around this time trying to be two things at once: human and divine. I could feel how there was still some life left to live and sort out before I could really choose to integrate my connection to the divine.

I had one foot in both worlds and wasn’t able to give my whole heart to either. I felt like I didn’t truly belong in either and that I could never be enough for my relationship or my community. This was the moment when I realized I had to go fully into life in order to live into whatever was left for me there. In that, I chose to take a break from soulfullheart and soon found my way back with more clarity about who I am and what I want than ever.

Today I feel a much deeper union with my both my humanity and divinity and a greater knowing of my soul’s purpose. Everyday is an inch closer to integrating these two parts of my being and feeling more comfortable to express both of them. Sometimes we have to let go into one reality in order to end the suffering of trying to be everything for everyone else. In this choice, we find who we really are.

——————————————————————————

A Love Story: Part Five
A Choicepoint

Why does it feel sometimes like my divine self and human self are at odds? As if I can only experience one of these truths at any one time. There’s a part of me that feels like I have to choose one or the other and when I do, I lose one.

What if I choose the Divine path and lose my self in the process, unable to turn back? What if I choose humanity and forget who I really am and what I’m really capable of? What if I end up living for everyone but myself, constantly choosing what they think is best for me.

I don’t have clarity inside of my heart and soul right now. I don’t have the answers or the ability to go with the flow anymore. I’m at a crossroads in this moment and it’s one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been in a long time. The nest is prickly but I don’t know where it wants me to go next.

Who am I? What do I really want? How do I want to get to where I need to be? Where do I even need to be? I’m scared of making the wrong choices. I’m scared of every little thing I do coming from the wrong place.

It’s hard to evaluate each thing you feel as if it has the potential to be wrong. I’m in this awkward spot of being able to see when I might regret something but wanting to experience it anyway. Like I haven’t caught up with my own awareness so having the awareness is painful.

I feel as if I need to have clarity and a choice that I just can’t provide right now. So how do I reconcile not knowing what I want and feeling like once I make a choice, I can’t go back?

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Four (Enter At Your Own Risk)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

I finally made it to part four of my love story series! This is a full on post instead of a poem, so I’ll keep this preface short and sweet.

I had a moment last year while trying to rediscover myself and my purpose when I realized that the part of me that I’ve judged and kept protected is actually one of my greatest gifts. I’ve been so held back by fear of my own emotions and what other people may think of me that it’s been so hard to let myself just be honest and real.

Even when I would share my feelings in a relationship, I would try to soften it to not make it sound “too much” or “too unfair”. But I’m finally reaching the point of realizing that risking judgement and blowing up a relationship is worth it when your truth could actually bring you and the other person into something new and meaningful. Yes, truth can hurt and harm others – but so can holding it back. At least the former allows you both the opportunity to show up and grow into new ground.

———————————————————————

A Love Story: Part Four
Enter At Your Own Risk

So much of our lives are spent worrying and fearing what might happen. We close ourselves off knowing we could potentially be hurt if we don’t. We don’t tell people how we feel, we don’t open up our hearts to one another, we don’t commit to something that means a lot to us, we sabotage ourselves in the name of safety, comfort and preservation.

But when I think of all those beautiful moments in life that we’re constantly searching for – have we ever gotten there without risk? Have you ever fallen in love without being vulnerable? Or felt a deep sense of connection with someone without the risk of being rejected or judged? Has there ever been a moment of true and real emotion that hasn’t come with an underlying fear of abandonment?

We try so hard to avoid the mess – the heartbreak, the judgement from others, criticism – but with that, we avoid the bliss.

Something I’ve realized about myself over the last few months is that I am incredibly sensitive and emotional and for maybe the first moment in my life I 100% love that part of me. I’ve spent so long worrying that I would be seen as too much, as pushing people in my life to be someone they’re not in order to match me, as being overly sensitive and insecure. Insecurity can come with sensitivity but so can strength.

When I let myself be me, I have the strength to sit with someone and pour my heart out to them. I have the strength to feel my feelings on full blast without having a wall up to protect myself from others. I have the strength to love with such depth that I genuinely worry I’ll get lost in it.

And sometimes I do. Sometimes I forget how beautiful my heart is and how much it deserves to be loved back just as powerfully. I just want to be seen and felt in all my glory.

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Three (In The Midst Of Love)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

The following writing is one very close to my heart. These are actually lyrics to a song I wrote in that phase of a relationship when it’s been long enough that you know each other inside and out. Your friendship is formed and the romance is alive. I’m not exactly a lyrical genius but it came from my heart and I don’t often write songs!

A relationship based on mutual growth and healing requires a sharing of the innermost tender and vulnerable parts of you. You begin to understand when and why walls come up or what triggers stress and anxiety in them. You notice the little things that you love about them and what makes their heart truly glow. The bond deepens from physical infatuation to deep and growing trust and respect.

This is the time when comfort begins to sink in. You no longer have to work hard to try and win them over, you don’t feel so self conscious about yourself or your habits, you feel a sense of calm and hope that your feelings for them can last. This is the phase that we long for! The fire still burns yet you feel at home within the bond.

We work hard inside and out to get to this place but ultimately, getting here is the easy part. The next part is trickier. Retaining your mutual growth, passion, respect and love for each other is the truly difficult part. Choosing everyday to understand yourself so that you can continue to be vulnerable, honest and real together. I’ll talk more about this on my next post 💞

———————————————————————

A Love Story: Part Three
In The Midst Of Love

You make me and my
Whole heart smile when you
Look at me that way

You make me wanna be a
Better person, each and
Every single day

I know that It’s not
Easy being here
But I’m glad that you are

I wanna make you
Happy dear because you
Shine just like the stars

~ Chorus ~
I’ll hold your inner child’s hand
As we run under the moon
I’ll soothe your guard’s worried looks
And soon he’ll make me swoon

Your punisher is next
And him I’ll love the most
Your feminine will help me show
How our hearts can be so close

~~~

The moment you feel
Lost and lonely know that
You are not alone

Even when the
Earth starts shakin look
Inside to find you’ve grown

I know that it’s not
Easy being here
But it’s worth a try

I wanna make me
Happy dear because our
Love can reach the sky

~ Chorus ~

And when we start to touch the soul
Our bond will deepen evermore
My dream is to get close to you
Be intimate and break right through

~ Chorus ~

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Two (Falling In Love)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

The next part of this story is the part that we tend to spend our lives looking for: falling in love. The new and exciting rush of meeting someone that has an equal interest in us as we do in them. A new pair of eyes to see you, new ears to hear your passions and desires, new hands to touch the lonely and unloved parts of you inside and out. It sparks a hope in us that nothing like love can. We hope that this person will be the one we can grow with, who will understand us and treat us the way we’ve always dreamed of being treated.

More importantly than this outside love is what it sparks inside of us. It can allow us to love ourselves more than ever before while also bringing up our deepest insecurities. We begin by showing the brightest and shiniest parts of ourselves, hoping that will win them over. The way we enter a relationship is so telling of where we are at on the inside.

I remember the moment I wrote this poem, sitting under a tree staring out at the water. I felt elated and overcome by pure hope and love. I looked up at the leaves and they looked brighter than usual, almost as if they were glowing. In that moment I remembered feeling this way before. And then I remembered it fading and eventually leaving me completely. But it didn’t matter. Feeling it again reminded me of why we continue to search for this feeling over and over again even when it leads to pain or heartbreak.

This feeling is a reminder of what we are capable of feeling, with or without another person. All someone else can do is illuminate what’s possible in our own hearts and souls. Each relationship gets us closer and closer to this feeling of ecstasy and love inside of ourselves and without another person. We can feel this way with the divine, with our own inner parts, with our inner sacred union.

Without heartbreak, shadow and pain we cannot understand what it truly feels like to be in love and peace from the inside out. 💛

———————————————————————

A Love Story: Part Two
Falling In Love

This feeling of falling in love
With you and
With every part of me
Is like coming home

This is what my soul knows
What it’s been waiting to come back to
To feeling nourished
To feeling loved from the inside out
To loving the outside in

I see your face and smile
And even if it doesn’t work out
This feeling right here, right now
Is worth it all
This is what it’s all about

Freezing this moment and remembering
This is what we work so hard to get back to
This is why we dive deep
This is why we feel our shadow

Love,
Raianna Shai
SoulFullHeart Way Of Life

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part One (Heartbreak & Healing)

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

I woke up this morning with the urge to create through writing but couldn’t quite figure out what I wanted to write about. I started scrolling through the notes in my phone and found several writings I wrote over the past two years that really brought me back to the moment and phase they were written. Interestingly, I found 6 pieces that seemed to represent a cycle from beginning to end and back to the beginning again.

This cycle in particular represented the phase of the ending of a relationship, to the beginning of a new one, to the end once again. It felt like a really beautiful arc of letting in and letting go and everything that goes on in between. I felt myself recognizing the patterns of relationships and realizing that even when things come to an end, they are so worth the journey in and out.

This isn’t just true for romantic relationships but for careers, geographical moves, finding your soul purpose, healing a trauma and moving into your next phase of growth. As humans, we continually go through cycles in every part of our lives and the only thing we can do is become conscious of them. After a death of a phase you may wonder, what’s the point? But looking back you may notice how much has changed from beginning to end.

Falling in love is beautiful, messy, painful, exhilarating and everything in between but just like any other death and rebirth, it’s so important in facilitating our growth. Each layer brings new realizations and understanding of what it means to find love and purpose in these human and divine lives of ours. We cannot exist without cycles, for without them we cannot understand the gift of being human.

To show what I mean I thought I would share these 6 writings as a marker of each layer that these cycles can illuminate and provide. Particularly in the context of relationships. The first one I felt to share is both the ending of one relationship and the beginning of another. Marking the phase of overlapping death and rebirth ❤️

———————————————————————

A Love Story: Part One
Heartbreak & Healing

I sit here
Gathering the pieces of my heart
Trying to glue them back together
The mismatched edges
And sharp corners
Almost fitting perfectly
And then not at all

You wait there
Patiently watching my broken pieces
That long for that perfect edge’s embrace
Slowly come together
All the while knowing
That one day I will come

I will come with just enough pieces
To hold together the contents of my love
When I am still chipped, but no longer broken

You are there
With your chipped pieces
Already glued together
With as much accuracy as truth can allow

And we come together
Look at that!
Our broken pieces create a mosaic of lost loves and tearful goodbyes
Not perfect, but beautiful all the same

Love,
Raianna Shai
SoulFullHeart Way Of Life

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.