The Inner Matriarch And Wounded Feminine Legacy

by Kalayna Colibri

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Messages of being a warrior, how to stand up to men… conditioning around fighting, especially for our equality, in a world that seems to want anything but. Over-expressing our sexuality in an unemotional or emotionally immature way, or choosing to deny its presence altogether… there is so much templating going on, so many living examples of how to become a matriarch – strong, unsentimental, yet very often unfeeling too. All of this is an expression of the pain and wounds inflicted by a patriarchal culture, yes, and it is all a reflection of how a part of each of us has chosen to be and act in reaction to it. As a collective, modern womanhood has successfully buried what it means to be soft and still, especially as the Inner Matriarch, who is often also the Inner Mother, typically has never been offered a sense of what healthy womanhood is or could be, and thus wants to believe that softness is weakness, the mind and body are ultimately what matter over the heart, and that femininity means building a self-image of femininity that is often depicted in ways that at the core, are actually another expression of the wounded masculine, but with a feminine face.

The Inner Matriarch forms inside of you, following your nearest feminine conditioning while growing up, passed down by your mother or another female caregiver. Even if the influence seems subtle, it is likely working inside of you in many ways, including how you express or choose not to express your sexuality, how you feel about your gender, how you feel about and relate to men and other women as well, and how you navigate many other aspects of your life too. The Inner Matriarch, in this way, is also the Inner Mother – a significant part of any woman, that carries within her the legacy of the matriarchal lineage in her birth family, often to a large degree.

It can be challenging when living out this conditioning, to even realize this is what’s happening. So many patterns are being relived by you that your mother and likely her mother before her also lived out… or, this part of you could be trying to deliberately choose to do the opposite, yet somehow, there is something still playing out that runs parallel to the matrilineal conditioning and grooming. It’s nearly impossible to feel what this legacy really has held for this part of you until you have taken the space necessary from your own birth mother in order to truly feel it. The Inner Matriarch that could be leading much of your decision-making and relating to self and others in your life as you have known it so far, will blend into the tapestry woven by the other women in influence in your birth family and sometimes also in your group of friends. This is why the advocacy for space and going inward is so invaluable.

The Inner Matriarch is often a way in which the pervasive patriarchal culture gets to live on… she has had to become the way she is in order to stand up to and survive in this environment, or so she has been so deeply conditioned to believe. It takes more than the  ‘inner strength’ of any female warrior archetype… it takes the strength of vulnerably feeling where the damage and hurt have been inflicted, bringing it back inward into your heart, and letting feeling waves in. It takes the courage to take the next step to even acknowledge this part of you, to feel and own the conditioning she has had and needed for so long, and to let in that something new could arise. The true feminine arising is a mystery wrapped in an enigma at times, with a soft touch that can also challenge and set boundaries as needed, without nastiness, pettiness or cruelty and without an all-out suppression of inner truth on the flipside of that.

There is a balance that can be lived into, where the rose of feminity can wrap around a healthy, vulnerable spine made of self-love and worth, coupled with a healing and humbled heart that now gets to lead the way… and this is what is offered as the Inner Mother and Matriarch gets felt and begins to heal from the long, long road she has been walking for so long, softening into the frequencies of a Sacred Queen. This is also what opens out the possibility of a nourishing Sacred Union romance with frequencies of heart, body and soul resonance that are nearly impossible to feel with the intensity of a wounded Inner Matriarch expressing predominantly in your life. There is much to go into and feel with her, yet it is all worth it as you begin to realize what your own version of the authentic and ever-arising feminine self is and could become as you move into more and more healing on all levels of your being. ❤

 


 

For more information about going into your own SoulFullHeart process and having space held for this part and other parts of you, please visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sfhprocess. We would love to serve love with you on your own journey into your deepest healing possibilities and timelines…. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Falling Yin Love

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Over the past few days I have been going into my heart and soul to feel what I am being guided to offer and express. In the process it was not about solving or figuring anything out. A distinctly masculine approach. One that I have used often. I felt to reboot my relationship to more Yin energies within me. To do so is to go in rather than out. From that came an idea to start a possible book or something like it titled “Going Yin”. It is an exploration of what it means to feel our Yin nature as a human male. What are the themes that are so different from our wounded masculine tendencies? How do those live inside me and how do they shift the way I feel and perceive myself, life, reality, and love? There is a great shift happening and I am being guided to feel more into this as being in a more Yin space will offer many gifts in the arising unknown. To dance with it rather than fight it.

Words on paper. That is what I am being guided to do. While a part of me is questioning this “strategy” to starting a book, I immediately can feel the energy of plan and structure. I am not judging this, just noticing it. I was inspired to begin a…God knows what word could be inserted here…a free verse of a journey into the inner feminine of a male human being. The needs of strategy, planning, and structure are apparent as I have language and purpose to attend to but it is more an experiment in energy and intuition, and a trust that I have those already embedded in me. I feel the logical part of me wanting to reread this and check for clarification and profundity.

There is a great example. I have never used that word ‘profundity’ in my life (that I am conscious of). I am sure I heard it, was given a definition or context, and stored it somewhere. But I would have never used that word by structured choice. It came out of me through just listening to my intuition. My stream of consciousness. That, to me, feels very Yin in nature and the very reason why I am choosing to embark on this. While I have been on a very Yin-based awakening process, I still find myself relating to life, in all its variegates (okay now it is getting silly), with a more masculine filter and reaction. I love my logic and reasoning. Don’t get me wrong. They are still a huge part of who I am, and who we are as human beings. I just feel this over-emphasis on it as a way of being and perceiving in the world. It is a deep wound based in fear and separation, or the fear of separation to be more specific. That is my sense of it. This could be elaborated on, clarified, or just plain changed over the course of my journey.

The impetus for this desire has arisen through my conscious awakening way of life called SoulFullHeart. It was founded by Jelelle and Raphael Awen as means to access our emotional pain body to allow the healing that is needed for us to awaken to our essence as divinely Infinite Love. It was birthed from Jelelle’s connection to the Divine Mother and the hard to feel reality that Her love, as well as Divine Father’s, has been misplaced in the shadow of our collective wounding, which is masculine in nature. A journey back to balance is felt as crucial as we find ourselves on the brink of global uncerntainties. But there is even a bigger picture. One of ascension. That there is a dimensional transition underway. One that part of an evolutionary process. A quickening. Gaia is moving into a 5th dimensional era. I don’t exactly know what I totally mean by that to be honest. I know there are all sorts of ideas and information out there. I am just downloading my own interpretation and will be exploring that further in my heart as well as with those that I am closest to. Regardless of the specifics, the point is there is something big happening. (In Yin time it has already happened, is continuing to happen, and will be happening…all at the same time. Yeah…no sense thinking about it.) The metaphysics of this I leave to my good friend, mentor, and co-yinner Raphael Awen.

What I feel is needed in this time of change is a good deal of Yin. A trust and an surrender in something that contains us and is there for us when we feel lost and in the process of change. We are being born into something new. A new way of relating, of communicating, and creating. All rooted in the beauty and power of Infinite Love. But there is much to feel in all of it. We have much to feel as our limited perception of reality will be challenged and the pain of our past, present, and future will be exposed to be felt in order to move on. Regardless of where I, or any of us “end up”, it is all still wrapped in Love.

But I feel beyond this picture of Yin as a life-preserver, for if I solely see it as that then I am coming from fear that I will be “left behind”, I want to experience life from a more Yin seat of being. That is to not become a woman, but to experience my authentic masculine expression. It through the sacred feminine that I feel our sacred masculine arises. Our strength, heart, passion, sex, and creativity are all made whole and more in line with our divinely masculine nature. So in a way, I am more on a journey toward my Yang through the mysterious and admittedly scary waters of Yin’s birth canal. I feel changed in my being somehow just by writing this. Something shifting toward my desire, creativity, and purpose. I feel supported and guided to continue the next set of words, whenever they arise, wherever they lead. This is the heart of Yin and I think I am falling in love.

Sequoia Heartman is a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Please visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.