This past week I moved to a new flat in another village here in Central Portugal not too far from my soul fam. It is a fresh start as I am literally the first tenant of this remodeled schist house. It is a blend of modern and historical, the natural and the practical, the masculine and the feminine. This feels like a great place for some deep reconciliation work inside of me.
Since the completion of my relationship with Kasha, I have been leaning on the practical side of myself. I talked about this in my last post. Now that things have settled, I can feel where I am needing to recalibrate myself to both my wildness and my inner feminine, as well as a blend of the two. The practical and wounded masculine part of me needs them deeply.
It is in the reintegration of these aspects of me that can support the healing and transformation of my wounded and tired matrix masculine. There is much to atone for in my departure from these energies inside of me that have always wanted a seat at the table yet have been resisted for many reasons that I am still delving into.
So much unworth has been cast onto and into the collective masculine heart. The history of its need to be closed off and in control. The deep fear of intimacy that can feel like an existential annihilation of its wounded egoic tendencies. So much clinging to provision, accomplishment, accumulation, and ‘freedom’. I put that in quotes as I feel there is a wounded relationship to freedom that actually pushes away at intimacy.
It is in this coming to terms with our own wildness and our feminine, that we can start to sense the wider aperture of our true masculine being. Our expression in the world and investment in relationships become renewed, remastered, and reborn. They become our guiding lights, our course-correctors, and our allies. They give us the courage and compassion to delve deep into that wounded and giant heart of ours.
I look forward to what arises in myself and with others as I continue this ongoing exploration inside of myself with this process of meditation, journaling, sessions, feeling, and intimate relationship with community and the Divine. It offers so much in the way of personal understanding, maturation, expansion, inner peace and Love. This is why I share my experience for others that resonate and may get something from it for themselves, as well as an invitation to start your own inner healing journey.
Much love to all of you brave hearts and souls that are choosing the path of most resistance…the path back to intimacy inside and out.
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.