Tag: Feminine Power

Feminine Shadow Exploration: A Piece Of My Personal Journey

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

“It’s October 2019 and I’m spinning, whirling, wondering what’s really going on within me, why I can’t seem to help parts of me truly let go of comparison, of feeling ungraceful and ungrateful, of feeling unworthy of the love of my intimate community, let alone the love of the Divine within and around me. I’ve been asked to take space from my community of beloveds to go into and reconcile what has continually been coming up inside of me and not yet been truly held, let alone felt, by me as a centred, adult woman, who is calling herself ‘Kalayna’.

I am in a panic, feeling an avalanche of self-doubt and absolute heartbreak, knowing that this space-taking is likely leading to leaving my beloveds for at least a phase, if not the rest of this lifetime, if I can’t find my way into more of my own bigness and inner ‘home’. I feel the love that would always flow between us as souls, even if I need to go off and be with myself to reconcile something quite deep in my own shadow that they can’t be impacted by so harshly anymore.

I am in some deep self-punishment and shame, but also recognize after years of this inner work, that this pattern of suffering is keeping me from experiencing the depth of love I really want and need within… a depth of love that can then overflow to others with more grace and ease, even in the messiest of conflicts or the burning up of old relational ground.

As I lean into myself more and more each day, and feel the Divine within supporting my ongoing process, I begin to open out something so deeply ingrained in my inner shadowland. I find an aspect who calls himself ‘Hades’. Hades doesn’t care much for others, let alone other parts of me. Well, he does, but his care is complicated as it involves trauma-bonding with these other parts, making them need him somehow and find comfort in his more twisted way of feeling things, his way of making the uncomfortable, the suffering loops, feel somehow ‘normal’ and even necessary.

It turns out that Hades is one aspect while there are a few others for me to feel, and that he is the Gatekeeper holding the veil to feeling them. I begin to feel them all, one by one, and where they live in my Metasoul and my being in this life too. I feel patterns of being a scorned priestess, even a Queen who couldn’t make it work and was shunned, and a few different lifetimes of not quite being able to get up and out of a fear of my/their own bigness and power and truly live into it. I feel the pain of these aspects and how fusing to them has played out in my life many times. I also feel the frequency of having killed others for the sake of power and jealousy… something that is excruciating for me to feel.

I feel how humble I’m becoming as I feel all of this and how I’m learning to surrender to my own unknown inside of myself… how I just can’t know what the Divine truly wants me to do or become. Even as I surrender to the unknown however, I begin to feel clearer and clearer about the energies I am learning to love inside of me and what my true potential is.

It takes me a few months to truly live into this daily healing journey of diving deeply and even finding a renewed sense of joy, all while still showing up for daily life and holding jobs. I still miss my beloveds so deeply, especially as I go on to spend Christmas alone, but I feel my icebergs that were once parked in my shadowland melting day by day and my growing clarity about what I want in my life and the sort of soul family energies I want to be intimate with on the outside coming up so strongly. I also feel who I want to BE as I let in those energies and relationships and the ache for living into that from the inside out.” ~ Kalayna

It’s now 3 years later and here I am, as ‘Kasha’ and no longer ‘Kalayna’, having graduated not only that heartbreaking and heart-opening phase of my life, but also several other challenging and growthful phases in different geographies, different relationships, and in service of love expression too. All because I’ve been willing, even through deep pain, to go into my shadowland AND work my way through to the other side.

It is a huge honour to now be leading a women’s call with Jelelle that will focus on shadow exploration for the feminine… serving alongside Jelelle was always the dream and even as this was starting to happen back in 2019 with the very first women’s call we ever led together, I could barely let that in. I had so much pain and unworthiness come up that it was sabotaged… my dream was sabotaged. My shadow came up to be felt and when she came up, she was practically screaming with frustration, mostly at herself.

As we explore the feminine shadow, there’s so much power packed in there. There’s so much to these energies of self-punishment, shame, and blame, that actually wants to become the flip side of that… that actually wants to become genuine heart-based service of love within and without and wants to have nourishing relationships as much on the inside as on the outside.

The feminine shadow has a LOT to unpack, not just in these trailing-edge energies that can keep us in smallness and pain, but also in leading-edge energies, access to feminine magic and alchemy, not to mention DEEP access to discernment, clarity, and care.

Join Jelelle and I on Sunday, Oct 30th for a by-donation women’s group call, focused on discovering and feeling your Shadow Feminine, however she shows up now! The call will be at 5pm London/Lisbon time and you can donate via our Shop or through PayPal or via Wise (formerly TransferWise). You can find more info about this call here.

Sending so much love to you and your ‘shadow’, your hidden seats and seeds of empowerment and heart, even if there is also pain and ache to wade through and feel along the way!

Love,
Kasha

***

Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space-holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Embracing Lillith: A Poem Of Feminine Self-Discovery

Published on by Kasha Rokshana4 Comments

by Kalayna Solais

Easing in
To me
To Her…
The softness gathers ‘round
In flowing birthing waters
To hold and to move
To alter and to cleanse
What has been
To prepare for
What will be.

She waits in her garden
My garden within
Of inner workings
In billowing dresses
Of white satins
And lace.

She invites
And it lands deeper now
Than it ever could
When the stakes of feeling deeper
Needed more space to be felt.

With her hands
She takes mine

With her heart
She holds mine

And with Her
I stand now taller
With the grace of a thousand lifetimes
Cultivated
Both mine and never ‘mine’
Collective and personal
Feminine and Masculine.

By Her
I am supported
In all explorations
That remind me

I won’t EVER give up on love.

In the balance made
By the unknowns
Now becoming known
She awaits the phase
When our lifeblood’s
Heart muscle
Beats out the rhythm
Of new creations
From the very core
Of what has made us
Both souls and humans
With every bridge possible
In between.

Arising in Her midst
I arrive in ME
Maiden
Priestess
Magdalene
Sacred Feminine Bridge
Inviting others
Into Her dance
Of Oneness within
Extending without
Yet, always grounded
In the timelessness
Of the Higher Heart
And ever-expanding
Soul.

Embodied for now
In a dance of human-made
Female flesh
Flushed with goodness
Singing with Ascension
And breathing with the ecstasy
Of a heart healing and rediscovered
Within the softening bedrock
Of a countenance
Never really forgotten
Only set aside.

I sense the exquisite timing
Of Her rebirth
Bringing with tender lushness
The bourgeoning new Now
Of the age being born
Within the context of ever-deepening
Divinely human
Ever-galactic

Love.

A love I won’t EVER give up on.

…as if I ever even could.

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Change Your Life By Finding Your Courage

Published on by Kasha Rokshana1 Comment

by Kalayna Colibri

Bravery. It’s a good topic to get into, isn’t it? We’re living in times where we SO need our bravery, both the masculine and feminine versions of it. We all have these energies inside of us. We’re all capable of so much beyond our wildest dreams and somehow you know this and can feel it… but not always. Being born into 3D conditioning is like having a lead balloon over your bigness. That is, until it’s not what’s true anymore and you’re remembering how to soar again!

Yesterday I posted just a couple of lines on my Facebook page that said, “If you don’t feel challenged to find your bravery, you’re living a life that supports your stuckness, not your growth…” and got a really big response! It feels like these are words that so many parts and Metasoul Aspects are NEEDING to hear and feel. It’s an invitation that’s meant to bowl you over with love. You’re always invited into your bigness through finding your courage. You find your true courage by finding your heart. If there’s no heart in your choices, if you aren’t truly feeling them, parts of you are keeping you numb out of fear and wanting to just exit the whole situation or relationship without feeling the loss or mourning. This is more bravado than bravery and comes from the Inner Protector wanting to just get OUT already… there’s nothing “wrong” with this though, especially because leaving abusive relationships can really require you to feel as unsentimental as possible on your way out the door. This is about survival in some cases and bless your Inner Protector for doing their job!

What I just mentioned about the Inner Protector brings us to the point I was making about masculine and feminine expressions of bravery. Since the Inner Protector for both men and women tends to be very, very masculine in energy, a very protected and armored version of bravery is expressed through this part. This is more wounded masculine than healed masculine of course, yet there’s no judgment about that because this is just how this part of you has HAD to be. Masculine bravery also expresses through the inner matriarch/patriarch (Inner Mother/Father). Matriarchy, the way it’s been expressed so far, has been intensely masculine in many ways. Any picture of a warrior woman is a masculine one, for example. Feminine power and bravery are different in my experience than anything that requires contention and battles on any level. The more healed version of masculine bravery lives in the heart. It helps you set intentions and not waiver from the course of action chosen, though your heart is still open to feeling your way through it (which is more feminine). It also helps you set boundaries when necessary and quite often it IS necessary in order to exit one door in your life and enter another.

Feminine bravery expresses through the heart. It’s a deep-seated courage to keep feeling all there is to feel. Courage to be WITH the mourning of leaving relationships, career, etc. Courage to be WITH the entering and letting in of new ones, too. Interesting that I’m using the word “courage” instead of “bravery” when talking about the feminine expression! I think this is because cour-age is of the heart, with “coeur” being the French word for “heart” and the feminine lives and thrives in the heart space. It takes a ton of bravery to stay in your heart, even when the world seems to support parts of you not to stay there and when it’s understandably tempting to follow along with that…

It takes a lot of YOU in your growing and strengthening essence to keep fnding your next steps in your life though every single awakening experience and every integration of these experiences too. You’re not meant to stay the same, and your life isn’t meant to either. You have a choice to be with the parts of you that are afraid and take brave steps anyways, trusting in your heart and soul that you WILL be and ARE held by something bigger within you and that life is on your side, not against you. This is a big one to feel and let in. And it takes a lot of bravery to even begin doing so. ❤

you are living in your stuckness

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Inner Matriarch And Wounded Feminine Legacy

Published on by Kasha Rokshana2 Comments

by Kalayna Colibri

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Messages of being a warrior, how to stand up to men… conditioning around fighting, especially for our equality, in a world that seems to want anything but. Over-expressing our sexuality in an unemotional or emotionally immature way, or choosing to deny its presence altogether… there is so much templating going on, so many living examples of how to become a matriarch – strong, unsentimental, yet very often unfeeling too. All of this is an expression of the pain and wounds inflicted by a patriarchal culture, yes, and it is all a reflection of how a part of each of us has chosen to be and act in reaction to it. As a collective, modern womanhood has successfully buried what it means to be soft and still, especially as the Inner Matriarch, who is often also the Inner Mother, typically has never been offered a sense of what healthy womanhood is or could be, and thus wants to believe that softness is weakness, the mind and body are ultimately what matter over the heart, and that femininity means building a self-image of femininity that is often depicted in ways that at the core, are actually another expression of the wounded masculine, but with a feminine face.

The Inner Matriarch forms inside of you, following your nearest feminine conditioning while growing up, passed down by your mother or another female caregiver. Even if the influence seems subtle, it is likely working inside of you in many ways, including how you express or choose not to express your sexuality, how you feel about your gender, how you feel about and relate to men and other women as well, and how you navigate many other aspects of your life too. The Inner Matriarch, in this way, is also the Inner Mother – a significant part of any woman, that carries within her the legacy of the matriarchal lineage in her birth family, often to a large degree.

It can be challenging when living out this conditioning, to even realize this is what’s happening. So many patterns are being relived by you that your mother and likely her mother before her also lived out… or, this part of you could be trying to deliberately choose to do the opposite, yet somehow, there is something still playing out that runs parallel to the matrilineal conditioning and grooming. It’s nearly impossible to feel what this legacy really has held for this part of you until you have taken the space necessary from your own birth mother in order to truly feel it. The Inner Matriarch that could be leading much of your decision-making and relating to self and others in your life as you have known it so far, will blend into the tapestry woven by the other women in influence in your birth family and sometimes also in your group of friends. This is why the advocacy for space and going inward is so invaluable.

The Inner Matriarch is often a way in which the pervasive patriarchal culture gets to live on… she has had to become the way she is in order to stand up to and survive in this environment, or so she has been so deeply conditioned to believe. It takes more than the  ‘inner strength’ of any female warrior archetype… it takes the strength of vulnerably feeling where the damage and hurt have been inflicted, bringing it back inward into your heart, and letting feeling waves in. It takes the courage to take the next step to even acknowledge this part of you, to feel and own the conditioning she has had and needed for so long, and to let in that something new could arise. The true feminine arising is a mystery wrapped in an enigma at times, with a soft touch that can also challenge and set boundaries as needed, without nastiness, pettiness or cruelty and without an all-out suppression of inner truth on the flipside of that.

There is a balance that can be lived into, where the rose of feminity can wrap around a healthy, vulnerable spine made of self-love and worth, coupled with a healing and humbled heart that now gets to lead the way… and this is what is offered as the Inner Mother and Matriarch gets felt and begins to heal from the long, long road she has been walking for so long, softening into the frequencies of a Sacred Queen. This is also what opens out the possibility of a nourishing Sacred Union romance with frequencies of heart, body and soul resonance that are nearly impossible to feel with the intensity of a wounded Inner Matriarch expressing predominantly in your life. There is much to go into and feel with her, yet it is all worth it as you begin to realize what your own version of the authentic and ever-arising feminine self is and could become as you move into more and more healing on all levels of your being. ❤

 

 

For more information about going into your own SoulFullHeart process and having space held for this part and other parts of you, please visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sfhprocess. We would love to serve love with you on your own journey into your deepest healing possibilities and timelines…. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling Feminine Stillness In Shifting Times

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

 

stillness in movement

 

In moments like these, with much rumbling and shifting and changing going on, I feel my feminine stillness arising alongside a deepening trust more and more often. I feel my body, heart, soul and mind too, soaking in a pool of still yet steadily flowing water. A paradox, yes, as we all are too it seems, always in motion somehow or other, always moving with some sort of current, finding our new breath on our way out of birth canals. We find our ways to BE with what IS but still find ways to hold the rumbles, trusting that even as parts of us quake in the emergence of NEW, we will find our desires being answered. Without entitlement, I can feel what is coming and that it’s already here too. I can feel the impending life shifts that are coming and the parts of me that are scared. I can feel the humility this offers too, as I allow in these fears just don’t fuse to them as I used to so often, not all that long ago. MY version of arising feminine stillness and deep trust has been an intense journey of forks in the road, sharp turns around jagged corners, and collapses into the processes of NOW.

I feel so much in my heart that can hold just about anything that comes up now… after having processed so much, I feel as if my container has expanded and can hold as much as it needs to. The next step is really letting in the care of this container, feeling what energies are okay right now, what my body and heart need right now, what my parts or Metasoul aspects need right now.

This process… is the one we are invited into as men AND women. It is a going in to find stillness, to bring this gift into our daily life moments, our relationships, any emotional underpinnings that are being unearthed, any spiritual endeavour or discovery. It finds us like the river finds the ocean. It finds a way to breathe outward while going inward. It is paradoxical and yet it is just what IS, without mental framing necessary. It is the ultimate in self-love that will be more felt by women than by men, in themselves at least, yet this stillness holds an offering to men too, to find their portal in it in a mate, in any feminine connection, and inside of them too to the degree that they can let this in and embody it. More paradoxes there, yes. It is endless.

Where the resistance ends, the stillness begins. And the trust your soul has always somehow had, finds its way to your consciously held life structure, whispering to you of new possibilities, and offering to you some NEW pictures of what is to come, if you can do the work necessary to let it all in… ❤

 

Join Jelelle Awen and I at our next SoulFullHeart Virtual Group Call for Women NEXT Saturday, June 15th. We would love to have you! Go here for more details. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

That Scrambled Self-Image

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kalayna Colibri

Jens Hesse_sat31_orchids_2011_84x51

Painting: “Orchids” by Jens Hesse

www.jenshesse.com

The battle seeds of “that, not THIS”

are planted deep and early.

They live, embedded, unbroken

for so so long,

watered by the choices they fuel.

These choices WE make

can bring them out to the sun

to be seen, felt and brought to light.

Victims to their siren call, we are NOT

as we continue to choose to listen

instead of feel…

 

Who and what we are told to be,

those who tell us are telling themselves,

and we in turn keep telling OURselves.

We poke, pull, prod

at those aspects we painfully, straining

excessively work to change,

not letting in the beauty

we are and were ALWAYS

intended to be a part of.

 

This woven fabric of our lives

becomes a threadbare tapestry

of power-filled lies

we tell ourselves in each moment

we don’t feel ourselves deeper…

The mirror of life

shows us where to go inside

invites us to be with others

to see a reflection

for what to heal next…

to find our deeper self

who knows

just kNOWs…

who we really are,

what we are really worth,

and that no one

EVER

has had ANY real say

in what that ACTUALLY means…

 

There is so much,

too much

pain.

From us to us,

NOT just them to us…

There is a lot

buried deep

we are digging up now…

bringing forward now,

being felt in now…

if we can take that next step.

Ask for support.

Say YES to love,

starting with OURSELVES

and those seeds we’ve grown inside us

that need that love

to remember

that this is what they were made of in the first place.

 

Let that light of your inside heart-shine

glow in your deepest feeling place desires.

Those ones that don’t beckon

to your image-based ticks and jabs

but instead

show you who

what

you really, mostly deeply

ARE…

 

❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

 

‘What Is Sacred Femininity?’: SoulFullHeart Woman Blog Series

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

sfhwoman

What is sacred femininity? As I feel into the answer to this question, I connect to my heart, soul, and body……listening for a response:

My heart says, “Sacred femininity invites the hearts of others out to dance, out to play, and out to be in love. It transacts with openness and vulnerability, eager for every moment to be real and meaningful, whether it is light or it is deep. It is willing to feel what needs to be felt and accepts that which is both in light and in shadow. It aches for union, to be connected, and to see itself through love transacting in resonant relationships.”

My soul says, “Sacred femininity is unknown. It is arising. It is mysterious. It can wait to be noticed and it can draw. It can be so deeply still and it can be beautifully active. It is contrasts and paradoxes. It lets love lead, trusting that the rest will follow. It is open to being watered by the frequencies of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Mother, in whatever forms that She comes. It is healing that from the soul’s history which blocks the current flow of love in relationships with others, self, and the Divine.”

My body says, “Sacred femininity is desire, the rush of orgasm and the joy of afterglow that comes from heart open sexuality with self or with a beloved mate. It is expressed in the physical with a softness that is visible in body, audible in voice, and in touch – gentle at times and passionate at other times. It is natural and real, beyond the images of physical perfection and is not found in the chemicals and products that cover and make over. It is beautiful in all its expressions, in all its ages, and all its packages.”

As I connect to these answers inside of myself related to this question of sacred femininity, it feels like the answers are the same to the question, “What is a SoulFullHeart woman?” The specifics of what it is means to be a SoulFullHeart are offered in depth on our website at soulfullheartwayoflife.com, our blog at soulfullheartblog.com and on facebook. Essentially, it is about being in a place of awakening consciousness in the heart and soul through engaging in the SoulFullHeart healing process. This leads to an increasing sense of individuation or healthy ego maturation with more experience of union with yourself, others, and the Divine as an expression of Infinite Love.

A critical aspect of this exploration that I want to offer during this series into ‘what is sacred femininity’ in the future is to feel what is NOT femininity but is actually an expression of masculinity or comes from our birth mother (or other primary feminine caregiver) templating or is a product of our cultural conditioning.

It can be quite an illuminating journey to feel the way that masculinity expresses inside of us and how it can ‘live inside’ as masculine aspects of us or what we call, ‘subpersonalities’. These masculine aspects form a strong protective energy for which many frequencies of sacred femininity are buried beneath. As we get to know and love them, they can begin to rest and trust us more and allow our femininity to start flooding into our field with often quite transformational results in our physical, emotional, and spiritual experiences of life.

Our relationships with our birth mothers is another key ground of exploration related to our sacred femininity expression. Individuation is a process of feeling through how we are impacted by the template that our mothers offered to us about femininity and feeling into how parts of us relate to that template now. Also, we can be deeply influenced by social and cultural conditioning, especially when it ‘rewards’ the development of a persona aspect of us to ‘fit in’ and seek acceptance around our gender expression.

The frequencies of sacred femininity that we explore as SoulFullHeart women are ones that I am honored to share with women in my life in the form of sister, friend, student, healer, and teacher.

I offer a template to explore this ground for and with women and I also hold space for others into this exploration of this mysterious, magical, challenging, and lovely ground. The forms of this exploration into the SoulFullHeart Woman and sacred femininity will be through writing, videos, virtual telecircles, and through individual sessions with me (in person in the Puerto Vallarta, Mexico area and over skype for those outside the area.)

I offer this humbly and yet with a sense of worth that is based on my own experiences of increasing sense of this inside of myself over the last decade of being dedicated to my own deepening sacred femininity embodiment process. Life has provided many teachers for me in this journey, primarily in the form of relationships such as with my beloved mate Raphael, my adult daughter, sacred friendships with other women and men, women that I am honored to serve and hold space for, and both human and Ethereal guides.

Please join me on this journey into the unknown dimensions of sacred femininity and may we both grow, learn, transform and experience much love during the way!

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

 

 

Exploring Femininity In Relationship: Responding versus Charging Ahead

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian

Desire can be an ember. It can be slow burning. It can be tentative and hesitant; cautious and unsure. Desire can be provisional and exploratory; unsettled and indefinite. Desire can be open to consideration; speculative about how it will be ultimately fulfilled. Yet, always hungry and eager to be fed.

My desire has been ravenous at times; eating up greedily, swallowing up, galloping ahead, making hasty choices and rushing in, eager to finally feel satisfied. This hustling, mad dash to the finish line, has led to rushed decisions at times and hurried commitment to situations that were more frustrating than fulfilling.

This rush to gratify my own desires impacted my marriage by creating a dynamic between me and my husband Wayne where I was leading, charging ahead, and he often felt that his desires, concerns, and leadership didn’t have much room to be expressed. It was if the fire of my desire and my vision would consume us both. While I loved feeling that passionate surge inside of me, what I came to realize was that what I really desired was to collaboratively create, and lead with Wayne as an expression of our intimacy and closeness with each other.

I’ve experienced that intimacy invites us to heal by offering a ground of deepening familiarity and closeness with another person that also provides us with a powerful mirror in which to see ourselves. As the saying goes…Into-me-I-see through intimacy. Through my relationship with Wayne, I was able to see that the way I related to my own desire was more masculine in nature than feminine. I feel that the invitation to a woman in intimacy with a man is to respond to male leadership with her own desires and leadership. Responding this way allows a woman to rest in her heart, in her trust, and in her yin power.

Female Yin power, to me, is not so much about creating results and taking action (although of course we do!), as it is about feeling the emotional truth of a situation, leading with our heart, supporting our mate, and trusting that where he is leading is where we need to go next. This does not mean we are blindly following along or being subservient to our mate.

I had been a single woman and mother for many years before my marriage and was used to following my own desires to the exclusion of any one else. I was my own mate in this way, married to myself, and got used to not having to collaborate with anyone around major life decisions or choices related to following my passions. Yet, I also ached for that mirror of Intimacy to offer me a deeper look at myself; and I desired for a mate that I could collaborate with, be inspired by, and co-lead with.

Three years into my marriage, I am now in a phase where I feel that what I most deeply desire is to feel that my desire can heat up, it can be a seed or a flicker. And, most of all, that it can be fanned by, inspired by, and ultimately gets fulfilled by the beautiful union of my husband’s desires with mine.