Journal With Nine: Healing The Symbol Projection

I felt inspired to have another go at conversing with the number 9 this morning. I felt a personal connection to its message and felt there was more to feel into with it. There was such an interesting response to it that I wasn’t totally expecting. I have not had a real deep relationship to numbers in my past and I haven’t taken to doing much ‘research’ on the matter. In a way, it keeps it pure and just arises from whatever comes from my heart. I encourage anyone who has a more intimate connection with numbers to do this very same thing and see what arises.

On that note I will check in with Nine and see how it is feeling today and where we might go:

Good morning Nine. Do you prefer the word or the number?

9: That is an interesting question. I guess it all depends on which perspective you want to come from. A more literary and poetic heart space or a more mathematical, paternal place.

Hmmmm….so you have a masculine and a feminine?

9: Well, don’t you?

Yeah, I do. I guess I never really thought of it in regards to a number, but when you put it that way it totally makes sense.

9: It also doesn’t have to make sense either. It is a question that leads us on a quest, just like Raphael always says.

Yeah, I like that. So we are questing. Getting to feel and understand each other and how we relate to each other through this dialogue.

9: Sure. Why not? You gotta hot date with Kalayna?

Well, every moment is a hot date with Kalayna. She is into this too so it is all a part the dance.

9: Yes, a dance. (Good answer with the hot date thing… 😉 That is what this exploration is. You and I are both a consciousness. I get my awareness and aliveness through you and I thus affect you. We can spend a lot of time exploring the technical nature of my numerology and that has its value and purpose, but taking that understanding and diving a bit deeper into how I, as a number, have an effect on a particular heart is a feminine approach.

I was feeling that distinctly yesterday in our conversation. I could feel a part of me wondering if I needed to do some research into what you ‘mean’ and yet I got a whole lot of meaning out of our encounter yesterday. I could feel how others who responded had their own intimate relationship with you that spanned a spectrum of reaction.

9: I do seem to have that effect on people. I am a very intense yet magical number if I do say so myself. I have a lot of stuff going on! Mathematically speaking I have a lot of parts! I house a lot of powerful energy and that be like riding a bucking bronco. So I understand the intense reactions that others have about me showing up in their lives. Or even being identified as me.

Yeah, I wanted to ask you about that. How do you feel about that?

9: Well, of course, there is an honor in it. But there is a lot of projection and over-identification that can arise. There is something that is meant to be understood about the nature of being drawn to a number but it doesn’t mean that one is meant to be determined by it. I only hold the power that one gives to me. If I represent chaos and that is all that one chooses to relate to me as then there is no room for what else I stand for which is the process of moving beyond into the new. This is where the feminine side of feeling wants to come in and hold space for the fear that is backed up in my name. I don’t want to be a reason why people are suffering. That is not what I am about.

Wow. I feel some of your own backed up truth in there Nine.

9: Yeah, I can feel that too, Gabriel. I can feel that for any idea/concept be it numerological, astrological, angelic, etc. We get all bound up in this intense energy that is not the nature of what we are meant to represent. We are change and stability both. Never meant to stay in a rut. I got this yesterday from you when you mentioned my curiosity of what it is like to be 10. I am not a victim to my location on a number line. I am more than that. I am energy. I am a symbol that is not set in stone. I can shift. Hell, turn me upside down and I am a six! How is that for multidimensionality? Thanks for letting me feel that Gabriel. I feel how I may have been holding a lot more than my share of this dynamic. An inner need of mine to be seen as valuable and wanted. I want to feel that in and of myself. And my parts. All 9 of them! Hmmm…9 lives.

I had no idea that we going here today Nine. I still have so many other curiosities about you and maybe we just needed the space to feel into this together.

9: I feel open to where this is meant to go Gabriel. I feel a big release here and that helps me to feel more of my own value as a number in relation to the human heart. Whew!. This is powerful work you are doing, my friend. I think it is time to let this breath and we can catch up tomorrow if that arises. I can feel how all these symbols could use a good cleanse, Gabriel. This could be your thing!

That would be interesting. Not sure I can make a living on holding space for symbols but I am open to what it offers us. You are magical being and I am blessed to have stumbled onto this with you. All in Divine Nining.

9: Hmmm….not sure about that one there, Gabriel. I like the effort, however. Before we leave I did want others to know that having their own personal connection with me would be very healing. I am open to connecting with them through their own hearts and computers. I am good with pen and paper too. Brings me back to the old days.

Ah, that feels like a great invitation Nine. Thank you. I look forward to what arises next in the space between us. We have a whole month in your honor!

9: Oooff! That is a lot of change coming our way. Okay! We got this!


Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

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Relationships Are A Mirror

By Jelelle Awen

The push and pulls, the mixed feelings, the uncertainties and doubts…..These feelings can SEEM to be so often about circumstances and situations that are outside of you. That person, that relationship, that dynamic….it is easier to focus outside than it is to go inward.

3D life has conditioned you to look outward. 3D reality supports you to project yourself onto others, onto cultures, onto self image-based ‘ideas’ of who you ‘should’ be. This conditioning creates a feeling of not knowing who you are unless it connects to other people. This produces a malleable sense of self represented by a shifting cast of characters/parts covering over core wounds of unworthiness, separation/abandonment, and disconnect.

You may have a Phd in understanding and analyzing other people….your mother, your father, your romantic partner, your friends, your siblings, your teachers, your clients. You may empath other people’s feelings to such a high degree that you BEcome and fuse to their emotional states as if they are your own. You may fixate on other people as the ways and means to obtain happiness and deepen your awakening as if how they are relating with you holds the KEY to how you can be. You may be focused on changing THEM as the way to receive the love you want.

It is challenging to decondition from this 3D focus on the OUTside and other people, yet, during awakening, your soul starts to move your attention INward. With this inward movement, you start to naturally retract away from the previous 3D-based social networks that served to define who you were. Your soul supports you to wake up to see, heal, and feel the traumas that bond you to other people. Your self awareness collaborates with self compassion, self love, and curiosity as you go into a deeper dive into your heart and soul.

You realize, then, that EVERY relationship in your life is a reflection of relationships going on inside of you….from one part of you to another. The polarization with other people represents polarized realities inside of you….the inner child and the inner mother/father, the Punisher and the inner child/inner teenager, the inner feminine and the inner masculine. These parts of you seem to be ‘against’ each other in some way due to not being connected with, seen, and felt. The inner conflicts rage on unfelt and, so, draw the same dynamic on the outside. More about parts/Metasoul aspects here:

You realize that the outward relationship would not be there if you didn’t need to SEE this inner relationship. Every relationship with another person serves as a mirror in this way. As you become more aware of your inner world and the parts in it, your soul self/5D self coming into your body and waking consciousness can then choose WHAT mirrors it wants to see of itself.

As you heal the inner relationships between parts of yourself, the mirrors represented by others begin to show you ONLY resonance, soul connection, and non-polarized frequencies of love. Then, a healthy sense of unity consciousness can start to transact…love flowing from your open and healing heart/soul/mind to and with the other person’s open and healing heart/soul/mind. You are becoming whole INside and don’t need them to define you in any way. You complement each other rather than compete with each other. Your consciousness can merge together in moments, yet you can still remain individual, sovereign soul sparks.

This is emotionally mature relationality INside and with others. It happens as you connect with each part of you that so needs you and heal the polarized frequencies inside of you. It happens as the integration and unification happening inside of you is able to overflow out to all those you chose to be in relationship with. It happens as you let go of any mirrors and reflections of you that are LESS than the love that you ARE.


We support you to bridge in self love to parts of yourself during powerful, illuminating 1:1 bridging sessions with me for women or Raphael Awen for men and women. More info here:


Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about  1:1 individual sessions with her for women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group calls, writings/books, and videos, visit