SoulFullHeart Healing Process – Page 14 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Freeing Yourself From A False Life And Claiming Your Soul Purpose: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on September 10, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

Jillian: Hello, Mother. The camp is quiet in the moment and I felt a desire to connect with you.

Divine Mother: I’m glad, Jillian. I feel a desire to connect with you as well.

J: I’m surprised that I’m not feeling more overwhelm and anxiety right now, considering that we are leaving in four days. Just four days and we’ll on our adventure to the States and then heading into Mexico in about a month. We’ve been planning this for what feels like forever and now it is finally happening.

DM: You’ve not just been planning, you’ve also been feeling. Feeling reactions of yourself and parts of you during this time of adjustment and transition. This is why you feel less overwhelm and anxiety.

J: I get that and, also, it just feels so right. I’ve never been so sure about anything in my life than I am that this is the right move for me and for those coming with me. It’s not so much about an absolute knowing as it is a feeling of being held and supported by you that makes it so clear and easier to navigate.

DM: For people who are not in surrender to Divine guidance, there is a feeling of uncertainty and lack of direction to their lives and the decisions that they make. They are in reaction rather than in response. Because you have been open to connect with me and, most importantly, accept guidance from me, you’ve been able to benefit from the clarity of purpose that brings.

J: That doesn’t mean that I don’t have moments of fear, anxiety, doubt, etc. Accepting guidance from you doesn’t shut down my feeling capacity, as you won’t allow it to be used to not feel.

DM: Yes. Rather than using ‘surrender to God’s will’ as a way to numb out with bliss or conviction or evangelical zeal, I offer the frequencies of my love with a complete respect for your sovereignty and an invitation to feel all the reactions that parts of you have to this love and guidance.

J: This is difficult to describe in words. I’m struggling to take what you are vibing to me right now and put it into words and concepts that people can understand.

DM: Don’t try to help them understand. Help them feel. Help them see. Help them heal.

J: Is that still my purpose here? It feels sometimes like I am just about practical matters and content-based living.

DM: Responding to practical matters has been important and it’s a grounded place in you that allows you to do that. You’ll need that to establish your gardens and shelters in your homestead and to remember many practical skills of survival that you’ve forgotten in this modern age. Yet, you are more than that too and your consciousness provides the context for the content.

J: I was reading last night a book by David Icke and he describes the sense that an awakened soul is aware that they are infinite awareness having a human experience. And that they are in the world but not of the world. That deeply resonated for me.

DM: Yes, and that can be a painful reality at times as most people are in the world and have mistakenly come to believe that they are also of the world. I believe that you call this being, “fused with content”.

J: Yes and with self identity supported by the false self and conditioning received from our birth family, society, friends, educational systems. Most people feel like slaves to me in a deep way. Slaves to content and to the medications and drugs they use to remain numb and asleep. Slaves to following the rules and conforming to others. Slaves to money and the contracts it binds them to and the meaningless jobs they undertake to keep it all going.

DM: The false self has imprisoned the heart, mind, soul, and body of most people. As you said, made slaves of them. Yet, ultimately, they are slave and master both. They hold the keys to their own freedom. All they have to do is see and feel how they are in a life that imprisons them, but that they are not of that life. They need to begin feeling the essence of their sacred humanity and the goodness of their human heart.

J: When we’ve told people about our plans to go to Mexico and live there off-grid in an eco-village, many people have expressed an envy at our ‘freedom’ to do this. As if we had some key or secret formula to liberate ourselves that they do not. And while it’s true that we’ve been blessed to get very good paint jobs lately that will fund our trip and buy our land, we’ve had to make very tough choices the last several years that have led to where we are today. And we’ve had to feel our way there, negotiating as we go. Letting go of all relationships that don’t serve our higher purpose and self. Letting go of most of our material possessions and, soon, letting go of modern conveniences to move into a more sustainable and off-grid lifestyle. So while it seems simple what we are doing, it has taken much emotional and spiritual healing to be able to do it. Much extracting ourselves from the false self world and the conditioning grip it holds on us.

DM: Yes! I’m glad to hear you declare that as it advocates for what others will need to do to become masters of their own authentic lives.

J: It seems rather hopeless, Mother, that many people will want to do this.

DM: They will be given ‘no choice’ in the matter with what is coming very soon. It will feel like no choice as circumstances ‘force’ them to give up their old life to embrace a new one.

J: I feel like many people would rather kill themselves than do that.

DM; That will be a likely outcome for many, yes.

J: Whew…that is heavy. I feel the heaviness of that in my heart.

DM: The contextual piece here is that every person that is alive on the planet earth during this time has chosen to be here during this time of great transition and death and rebirth. The questions for them to feel into that can provide a lifeline for them are: Why have I chosen to be here? What purpose do I have in being here? If they can feel why they are here and connect with a meaningful purpose, then whatever they are giving up of their old life will feel false in comparison. It is highly unlikely that their ultimate purpose is about ending their own life.

J: But maybe some people are just meant to not make it through what is coming. I have a fairly strong picture of what is coming with your support and I can barely stand holding it at times, wondering how I will bear it all.

DM: But you aren’t meant to bare it all, Jillian. This is the gift of foresight that I give to you because you have done the inner work to be awakened before there is ‘no choice.’ You will bear and witness what you are meant to with a trust that this is so.

J: Well, at times a trust and at times not so much.

DM: Of course, this will ebb and flow. For others who have foresight about the future and the very obvious consequences to unconscious actions that the human race has engaged with for many, many years…..for these people, they will have a sense of navigating the waves rather than being crushed by them.

J: Thank you, Mother, for the reminders about connecting with soul purpose as a means to navigate the coming changes. I’m going to go bake some oatmeal cookies now.

DM: Good, enjoy the simple things while holding the complex ones and you’ll be fine.

J: Thank you.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life and currently on an exodus to an ecovillage in mexico. You can read more about connection with the Divine Mother in Jillian’s book, In The Arms Of Mother.

Exodus And Finding Sanctuary: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on August 22, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

Jillian: Hello, Mother. I felt that I wanted to journal with you again in public with so much shifting and changing in my life and in the world. It feels like things are happening fast now.

Divine Mother: Hello, Jillian. I welcome a public dialogue with you. As you know, I enjoy talking with you this way as it reaches your heart and has the potential to reach others. It doesn’t matter to me whether people reading this believe that it is me you are talking with. Only that the message goes into them.

J: What is the message you’d want them to take in, Mother?

DM: Well, it’s getting more urgent, isn’t it? The message is that time is running out on the false self created world of industry and unlimited growth. Time is false, yes, an idea created by the mind to hold hostage over arising reality. But, time in the sense of playouts coming in the immediate future is real. These playouts are consequences for a disconnected and wounded relationship that the human species has had with the earth, with animals, and with each other.

J: We are feeling a sense of collapse coming strongly this fall and winter. I wanted to go over some of the conditions that lead me to feel that way with you, but, also, I wanted you to offer guidance for people around what they can do and feel personally.

DM: Let’s start with what is happening right now and put it into a larger context together. There is much content available in your ‘news stories’, yet there is very little context to allow the heart and soul to digest it.

J: I guess the big one to me, besides ever looming climate change crisis, is the intensity of the wars that seem to be springing up at an increasing rate. I find that I don’t have a lot of energy to understand the facts behind the wars in the Ukraine or the Middle East, yet they feel out of control in a new way. Maybe I’m just so weary of ‘dropping bombs’ as a means to end war. More violence to end violence makes no heart sense to me.

DM: War is a manifestation of unhealed inner violence. It is the false self’s outed expression of an inner sense of powerlessness. This sense of powerlessness and unworthiness has led humans to resolve conflicts with increasingly sophisticated and devastating weapons. No one ‘wins’ in this scenario. Empires that have been built on the spilled blood of men and that need more blood to maintain them cannot be sustained.

J: Wow, that so goes in. The other increasingly alarming situation is the growing numbers of people dying from the ebola virus in western Africa. Our human history is full of virus epidemics although it is frightening to imagine one now.

DM: Viral bacterial are natural and nature’s way of maintaining balance. This is difficult to say and my heart strains as I say it, but the human population has expanded to numbers beyond what your planet can sustain. This has to be corrected in some way and, unfortunately, all the means of doing that lead to the deaths of many people.

J: That’s the aspect of collapse that is so hard to digest. I wish it could be different.

DM: Me too, my daughter. As you know, I have not interfered with the course of human evolution as it would have been going against your sovereign choice to do so. Yet for those who connect with me and surrender to my guidance, I offer them that death and rebirth are natural and inevitable cycles. I don’t offer protection from necessary death, yet I do offer comfort during the process.

J: There are other things happening too, yet I also wanted you to talk about what people can do in response to what is happening.

DM: There are two possibilities for people right now: immediate exodus to find sanctuary or create sanctuary out of where they already are. Sanctuary is a safe place where they can practice self reliance, ideally within a conscious community.

J: I feel self reliance has a practical aspect to it and an emotional and spiritual aspect to it. The practical aspect is about meeting for yourself, or within community, the four keys to human survival: food, water, shelter, and safety without reliance on the government to provide it for you and in balance with nature. Examples are growing your own food is an environmentally conscious way through permaculture practices. Finding natural drinking waters sources from fresh water springs or lakes. Creating shelters out of naturally sourced materials that meet your basic needs with minimal impact on the earth. Moving to less densely populated areas with opportunities for all four keys to human survival to be much more likely in a self reliant way. I wrote more about that here.

DM: Yes, these practical considerations are actually about going back to the roots of your species when your survival was held by the sovereign heart of each individual and you were more in touch with your animal nature and its impulses toward self reliance.

J: Going back to our tribal roots yet retaining the maturation of our egoic consciousness?

DM: Yes, exactly. The evolution of your egoic consciousness has been as natural as a seed growing into a plant. Yet, the egoic consciousness has also developed a falseness that to the degree it goes unconstructed leads to so many of the issues that your species has now and that we’ve been talking about.

J: I offered that there is an important emotional and spiritual aspect to self reliance. Deconstructing the false self and healing our emotional bodies is what I feel is the emotional aspect. And, you’ve already mentioned, surrender to and connection with you as the spiritual one.

DM: Deconstructing of the false self can happen to some degree by choice through the process you offer with SoulFullHeart and by other practices. It also happens when the construct falls away and the false self is ‘forced’ to give up the things it has become attached to.

J: I feel like that is a lot to digest for today, Mother. I look forward to connecting with you again soon. I feel that I need to and that others do as well.

DM: Yes, Jillian. I have more to say, of course, but I respect your need to breathe and digest. Until next time, my daughter.

J: Yes, until next time.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life and currently planning an exodus to an ecovillage in mexico.

Letting Go With Love: Healing Codependency Between Fathers And Daughters

Published on July 20, 2014February 10, 2017 by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

By Christopher Tydeman

Throughout the SoulFullHeart healing/growth process, much is felt into around our relationship to ourselves (i.e. our parts), our birth parents, our friends, and our mates. We have written extensively about those in this blog. The one relationship we have not written much about is our relationship to our children.

Each combination of relationship (mother to son, father to daughter, etc.) has their own specific dynamic. When our children arrive in this world, both past and current life agreements we subconsciously made with them begin their construction and playout. Our experiences with our birth parents, our societal/religious conditionings, and our past life woundings, all coalesce to shape the dance between parent and child.

Through the formative years, parts of us invest a lot of energy in protecting and guiding our offspring. They represent something to us. Our greatest hope and our biggest fears. We project so much onto them that the mere thought of their “failure” or lack of well-being is combated with a barrage of care-taking and/or excessive demands. To lose them physically or emotionally feels like a fate worse than our own death to a part of us.

In this fused state, it is hard to conceive that our children have their own soul trajectory. Their own needs and experiences they must have on their individual journey. This becomes increasingly clear the older they get. An emotionally healthy and awakened relationship would naturally find its completion around 18. This doesn’t necessarily suggest we would never cross paths again someday or consciously avoid seeing each other. It would just be the embarking of their adult journey, taking with them all the love they received in their youth.

But, we collectively are not in a healthy emotional state. Our children are still children at 18 because we choose for them to be that way. Our needs and inadequacies took precedent over their real growth. They are stunted. Sure, they may run a Fortune 500 company, but their emotional immaturity causes them to treat others unjustly, take advantage to satiate their greed, or run a company into the ground because of issues of control. Or they may live a “normal” life with a spouse, their own children, a stable job, and a nice house. But internally they are dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

As a young man, my father would tell me, “I don’t give a shit what you do for a living, as long as you are happy.” My mother made it her mission to see me graduate college to fulfill something she desired in her own life and as a symbol of what was considered “successful”. In each case, it was more about them than it was about me.

I carried this with me into the birth of my own daughter. My fears and hopes were transferred onto her. All a part of me felt I couldn’t be, hoped that she could. But to be that meant her breaking away, so another part kept her small so she wouldn’t. “Be big! No, be small!” Was the energy of my parenting. A dichotomous push-pull.

As I progressed through my eventual healing, I had to draw boundaries with those that I had an unhealthy bond with. This included family, friends, and later a mate. But the one who got the “pass” was my own child. She had her own vision for her life and that didn’t include healing toward emotional and spiritual awakening. The others in my life who weren’t ready I said goodbye to, but a part of me could not accept that with my daughter.

Fast forward a couple of years later. I have found myself in the belly of my care-taking. Letting go of my need to be needed. Feeling and seeing the impending industrial imperial implosion. The ensuing chaos and violence, both physical and emotional. I have entered into the Brave New World. I can talk about it until I am blue in the face, but that won’t matter if someone is not able or willing to feel it. It becomes a soul choice. A personal decision. To tug or force someone to get them to come along serves neither me nor them. There is only one choice…let go.

To say goodbye to my daughter is by far the most difficult thing I have had to do. It was a choice not made overnight. It has been, as with all other difficult moments, a process. Gut-wrenching and tear laden. To continue a relationship with someone whose path is divergent to mine is not self-loving. It is also enabling that person to stay in denial and smallness. I love my daughter too much for her to be in either. But more importantly, I love myself too much to continue to be seen as less than what I am, even if it is my own child.

As I walked away from her, tears in my eyes, pain in my heart, I could feel the Divine with me and with her. Mother tells me,

“You make choices based in Love, you enter Love’s eternal grace. Your kingly act of courage is the greatest gift to your daughter, to yourself, and the world at large. There is no goodbye, for those souls meant to be together will remain so in heart.”

In that moment, I felt trust. A trust that she will find her way in her own time, with her own choices. A part of me is letting go of protecting her and trying to “save” her. I will always have the desire for her to be a part of our SoulFullHeart community. She has VIP status. BUT, it is with her sovereign choice and my needs being met, that that can happen. Until then I will hold her close to my heart as I prepare for the next phase of my soul’s journey.

Christopher Tydeman is an apprentice SoulFullHeart Teacher. Visit soulfullheart.wix.com/sanctuary for more information about staying at SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and virtual sessions.

Actions And Consequences: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on June 15, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, non-loving, fear-based, unconscious state.

Jillian: Hello, Mother. I feel a sense of urgency on this rainy day in June.

Divine Mother: Hello, Jillian. Yes…I can feel that in you. Digesting what you’ve been reading and learning recently?

J: I feel like I have so much to ask you about related to the very real threats to the survival of the human species..yet I know you won’t give me reassurances, false hope, or specific timelines.

DM: Ask me what is in your heart to ask, Jillian, and I’ll respond with what I feel you need even if it isn’t what you think you want.

J: Mother….is the human race doomed? Are we looking at near term extinction in the next decade or even the next few years?

DM: I feel your tears and pain as you ask me that question, Jillian. I feel your despair and compassion.

J: As much as I can be frustrated by the actions and choices of unconscious people, I feel pain at the suffering and loss coming to us as a consequence for our short sighted and false self-based actions.

DM: So, you do feel there will be consequences?

J: How can there not be? That’s how the natural world works. Cause and effect. We have lived blindly so long to this basic principal…drugged by access to easy oil, easy food, easy water, easy shelter, easy life. Even as everything being easy has still made most people miserable.

DM: Cause and effect is the rule of nature. Yet as humans have removed themselves from nature by seeking to dominate it, they have delayed the consequences of their actions. Delayed, yet not ceased.

J: One of the consequences of our actions could be the end of our species.

DM: Yes. And up to 200 species are dying every day because of the actions of humans. Other species and the earth are bearing the brunt of the consequences of human action or inaction. Yet, nature seeks balance and it will find it.

J: It is difficult to imagine how that balance won’t mean adjusting the overpopulation of this planet by the reduction of many people. I feel your lack of sentimentality as we talk about this, Mother. I feel how much you love your human children, so why does your heart feel almost cold to me as we talk about this?

DM: This is my dark mother face, Jillian. The energy of doing what must be done even if it is painful in order to put things back in balance. The energy of tornadoes, storms, volcanoes. Even diseases. That which is out of balance must be righted again.

J: And yet I’ve experienced the compassion of your heart, the vastness of it, for several years now.

DM: It is my compassion and deep love for humanity, for my human children as you said, that urges me to do what must be done even if it means the destruction of you all. I do not WANT that, Jillian. But my desires are secondary to the free will sovereignty that you have all been gifted with. And, many humans DO want to die and DO NOT feel the consequences of killing other species, each other, or the living planet. I feel compassion for these humans entangled in social and cultural conditioning and weighed down by emotional and spiritual wounding. But THEY do not feel compassion for anyone else, themselves, or the planet. And there are consequences for living in this non-living, unconscious state.

J: I just feel like crying, Mother. I feel what you mean and I accept it but it just breaks my heart.

DM: As it breaks mine, Jillian. Sometimes we need to break our hearts open in order to truly let in and be with love.

J: And, I feel like I want guidance somehow around how to be with this heartbreak and what service looks like now for me and for SoulFullHeart. I feel the ash in the air, burning down of the structure that we created the last two years of sessions, space holding, group weekends, charging a fee for sessions…all of it feels like it is irrelevant compared to the very real possibilities of global collapse that we are feeling together.

DM: You created a form to contain the love and service that you had to offer others. The form is burning away, yes, in a necessary way. But the desire to serve love remains, yes?

J: Yes. I just don’t know the form yet.

DM: Form follows desire. Your desire is leading you to explore your world, to adventure to somewhere warmer and simplier in culture. Follow that and I will bring you connections, synchronicity…I will bring you opportunities to serve.

J: They just might not be in the way or structure that I am used to?

DM: Exactly. As you digest the ash in the air reality of your modern world, you are letting go of your attachments…the few that you had that is. This is the gift of ‘getting real’. Not for what it informs your mind, but for what it enlivens in your heart.

J: I so feel that gift even as it has been difficult to let in what we are facing as a species. Yet, my experience has been over the last ten years that ‘getting real’ is always preferable to deluding yourself, even if it hurts a lot at times.

DM: I feel the flame of your heart and soul being stripped of its form, Jillian, and therefore able to shine all the more brightly as a beacon to those ready to see it. I see it able to catalyze and penetrate more deeply what is authentic and vulnerable in others.

J: I think I feel what you mean, Mother. It’s what I want to be.

DM: And so it is what you are becoming. And it is the invitation from me to all my sacred human children….that their raw essence is one of love. Many of them have too much form, too many layers, to strip away this life and maybe will experience this in another life or even in another dimension where planets like Earth also exist.

J: What is the biggest thing that most people need to strip away, Mother?

DM: There are many answers to that question, Jillian. But I prefer first to ask rather than tell. What was the biggest thing you’ve had to strip away?

J: The first thing that comes to mind is to strip away the conditioning I’ve received. Social conditioning, family conditioning, relationship conditioning, western world conditioning, religious conditioning, mainstream psychology and spirituality conditioning, nutritional conditioning..and on and on. I’ve been in a process of deconstructing my mainstream conditioning and then experiencing what arises from my authentic essence instead to replace it. Lately, it’s been about stripping away conditioning related to unsustainable lifestyle choices.

DM: That is a major de-conditioning process, Jillian. It doesn’t feel like many souls signed up for that. But for those who did and feel an ache to experience how it feels when the authentic arises after deconstructing the false, then I would offer that the biggest stripping away would be of the denial and blocks that keep them from healing their own hearts and souls. Whatever conditioning they received that this was not important would need to be let go and a priority made of their own healing. And an urgent priority at that…

J: Yes, and this going inside ourselves eventually leads to a stripping away of social and relationship conditioning, which I feel is a huge block on the expression of our authenticity. For example, today is father’s day and it just about makes me choke to feel the congestion of duty, obligation, inauthenticity, and nonvulnerability that categorize most relationships that people have with their fathers. Yet, we all receive conditioning around this ‘holiday’ and feel a pressure to reach out or spend time with or appreciate our fathers. The same is true on mother’s day, birthdays, christmas, anniversaries. It is difficult to feel love on days such as these. Days that aren’t real anyway but been denoted as such mostly be greeting card companies. I have said no to most of this for years now.

DM: And so stripping away involves saying no to what most people hold as their reality.

J: A reality that is in general making most of them miserable and unhappy. A reality that creates a slave race out of humans because the conditioning we receive and pass on creates inauthentic actions and choices that lead to more emotional wounding. The conditioning creates toxic and dead relationships, especially marriages. I feel like the topic of dead marriages is a good one for another day though.

DM: Yes, that is fine. Jillian…..I just want you to feel that even during this time of great turning and death, it is being held with love. Death is necessary to free up love.

J: Even if there are no humans left to experience it?

DM: Yes. It is the most real thing there is and your world has been built on a false foundation of fear. My desire is for that foundation to crumble and maybe some of my human children will survive that crumbling. I do not know. But, what I do know is that love will survive. Even if it only exists in the future between the molecules of water and the sun or the blades of grass and the insect crawling on them.

J: Ok, deep breath…going to go digest this now and I do feel your love, Mother, and it does hold the heartbreak, even if it doesn’t alleviate it.

DM: Good, Jillian. Good to go feel now.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book about connecting with the Divine Mother, on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher-student.

Moving From Denial To Conscious Choice: Conversations With Divine Mother About Global Collapse

Published on June 12, 2014August 2, 2017 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jillian Vriend

Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

Jillian: Hello Mother, I haven’t talked with you in a while, at least here in public.

Divine Mother: No and I’ve missed it, Jillian.

J: Me too. What have you missed?

DM: There is an intimacy and an immediacy to this medium for me that I enjoy very much. This is why I feel that the internet is the great equalizer and connector…until the technology behind it collapses, that is.

J: That’s what was in my heart to talk to you about today, Mother. I have been feeling quite strongly for a few years now how we are currently in a phase of the collapse of the systems that the false self has created: economic, political, social, religious, environmental, etc. These systems were necessary and yet, also, they need to collapse to rebirth a new way that is based on authenticity, love, and the sacred human self.

DM: Well said, Jillian. You feel conceptually and contextually in a beautiful way that can be of service to those who want it. Many souls are waking up to the reality of the collapses that are happening in so many areas, especially those who have already been personally impacted by them. It is easy to get overly immersed in content though….researching WHAT is happening to the cost of not feeling WHY it is happening.

J: I think many people feel why it is happening yet don’t recognize the false self aspect of themselves or that the development of the false self has been a necessary phase of evolution in the human species, as you have offered to us. As a reference, you and I talked about the false self development in this post if people want to read it.

DM: As you and Wayne offered in your talk to others about this topic a few weeks ago, denial is the fuel of the false self to keep the current systems in place.

J: Yes, we feel that denial has a strong currency in the world and that it is used to obscure the ‘facts’ from being presented, to slow practical action from being taken, to numb feelings of unhappiness that would lead to authentic desire expressing. We feel that it comes from the wounded sense of a separate self. A self that feels separate from you, from others, from an authentic core inside needs denial to keep its current world intact. We felt there are four main areas of denial shaping the world that we live in: military/industrial/economic which denies the integrated self; religious structures which deny our sacred humanity and birthright to experience direct connection with the Divine; the New Age love and light picture that denies death as a path to rebirth; and our birth family and social conditioning which deny our true emotional needs and authentic expression.

DM: That is a wonderful delineation of denial, Jillian. And what would you offer is the path to heal denial into awakening consciousness?

J: We offer through SoulFullHeart that connecting with parts of ourselves or subpersonalities in an emotionally conscious way leads to awakening in all areas of our lives. This is an internal process, yet it changes how we see and feel the external world. Also, healing our soul wounds that block connection to Divine source through connecting with our Daemon or soul guardian consciousness allows us to feel our sacred humanity as a reflection of being your children. In SoulFullHeart, we offer a path of de-conditioning from birth family and social conditioning that arises out of connecting with parts of ourselves and feeling what they advocate for in terms of connection or taking space. And, SoulFullHeart offers that it is feeling our pain and embracing our shadow, accepting the natural cycles of death and letting go that allow for rebirth.

DM: When you are in denial of a necessary change or death, you can only be a victim to it when it inevitably happens. If you can feel and then choose, that makes all the difference in how you experience the change.

J: Can you say more?

DM: When you ‘let something happen to you’ you are dis-empowered and all you can do is respond. Sometimes, this is the necessary and surrendered path. However, many people live from this default state at all times. They are in denial of and resistant to the changes that they NEED to make in their lives and so they can only experience changes that happen as traumatic and not digestable because of it. They can eventually accept and adapt to these changes, yet it is very different to make these changes from a conscious place that is feeling all there is to feel before, during, and after.

J: This is what we feel the sacred human self can do as it is differentiated from the false self and other parts. It can make the space for this digestion and choosing process.

DM: Yes, which is what you are currently holding as you digest and choose to move to Mexico in October.

J: I would describe my digestion process around that since we first felt the call to do it a few weeks ago as an up and down, ebb and flow process. There have been moments of real excitement and anticipation then moments of fear and anxiety contraction. The contractions don’t stop the momentum around practical planning for the trip, but I do make space to feel what is going on rather than powering through them. I don’t deny that they are there.

DM: This is an important point. If you make the conscious choice to make a change, then you can hold and respond to it – similar to the way a pregnant woman responds and holds both the positive and difficult changes that are happening in her body as the baby grows inside of her. The pregnant woman knows that something is dying (her previous life before she had children or her body as it was before it was pregnant) and yet also that something will be born out of the dying. This is the process of labor: the contractions that cause pain produce life.

J: I would say the human species is going through more dying than birth labor right now. As Wayne says, it really feels like a hospice phase. Or as part of my Daemon named Dys would say, ‘It is an ash in the air time.’

DM: Ash in the air, yes. And toxins in the water. And poisons in the food. It is a great phase of dying of that which can no longer be sustained.

J: I feel the heaviness of this time we are in, Mother. I feel this deep sense of death and loss that is coming. It is hanging over me at all times even as I feel joy in the moment. It actually brings more poignancy to the moment to feel what is coming, similar to how some dying people feel about their lives after they receive their diagnosis.

DM: Continue to feel the heaviness and the joy both, Jillian. There is sacredness in both. Sacredness to the process of death, labor, and birthing. You are living in a highly sacred time.

J: And a highly scary one.

DM: Yes, it can be scary for parts of you to feel the changes coming. Yet, as you said, feeling this fear and not denying it is the key. Can you imagine how much power and love would be accessible if world leaders could just say, “I am afraid” and feel and share their fears rather than unfeelingly ordering yet another wave of drone strikes or ground troop attacks?

J: Wow, yes, I feel how powerful that would be. The fears that they are trying so hard to deny by taking violent actions would be able to be surfaced and felt which would actually give them access to more authentic power inside of them. I imagine that their choices would be much different. One thing that I feel fear about is that the men who we placed authority on to have their fingers on the buttons that lead to mass destruction make decisions from their unfelt fears, pain, and congestion. These are the people that we declare our leaders in a time such as this?

DM: They are a reflection of the systems that they are going to help collapse. Those with awakened heart and soul consciousness will be called upon to lead and serve when the great birth labor phase arises out of the ashes. Yes, people like you and Wayne.

J: It has been difficult for our message to be received now, before this collapse. It’s like we are invisible in a big way and what we are trying to bring can’t penetrate the layers of denial.

DM: Yes, that is an aspect of what you are experiencing. And you have the next phase of your own journey to undertake that will draw those who are in resonance.

J: That’s what it feels like to me. Mother, I wanted to ask you: What would you guide someone to do who feels the collapses that are happening?

DM: Feel your pain. Feel your desires. Let both lead you to take necessary actions as quickly as possible while still feeling yourself before, during, and after. Seek out resources, such as what you are offering with SoulFullHeart, that can help you make this transition. Do not be fooled by denial’s message that you have all the time in the world. Wake up to your pain and your desire and let it lead you to claim your life and your sacred humanity.

J: Thank you, Mother. I think we’ll complete on that note for today.

DM: Yes, ok, feels as if we have more conversations to have about this in public, yes?

J: Yes, I was feeling that too and I am very open to that. Just as Wayne is open to Yeshua’s guidance and connection during this phase of transition for us and the world.

DM: Good. I look forward to that.

Jillian Vriend is co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book about connecting with the Divine Mother and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher.

An Artist, His Inner Muse, His Inner Critic

Published on April 3, 2014May 15, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

By Christopher Tydeman

I am an artist. That is what I have been told by many artists to tell myself. “If you create a doodle, you are an artist.” A part of me would disagree since I don’t have many pieces to justify that claim. That is my inner critic voice. The one you hear about in most art classes. The one that decides what an artist is or isn’t. What art is or isn’t. Will my time be rewarded by money and/or accolades? A litany of excuses why I shouldn’t even put in the effort.

Then there is my muse. My creative spark. My constantly open third eye that scans for beauty, genius, and energy. It is in resistance to this quelling of my inner critic. Throw water on it and it finds a way to not be silenced for very long. I can hear my inner critic exclaiming, “Why won’t you just surrender?”. The response back is the same. My muse has a major advantage. It is what makes me… me.

Since I was a child, I had an imagination. I played with Star Wars action figures (not dolls!), Hot Wheels, Legos, Lincoln Logs, Playdough, crayons and pencils. I loved to build forts and play Star Wars at recess with my friends. Eventually, that imagination was sequestered and replaced with sex, schoolwork, and then adulthood. Even as an art student in college, I was graded and critiqued. Though, I did find some classes to be inspiring. After graduation, I had a child and needed to be a provider, not an artist. At the time, I convinced myself I couldn’t be both.

Years later, I found myself a teacher of children ages 7-12. Being around an age where I left my creativity, I found myself wanting to wake up my muse, to bring life to an otherwise dull curriculum. I had an explosion of creativity and passion. So many great ideas and lots of work, but it was worth it. But the constant behaviour difficulties and the micromanagement of teaching led me lose my umph, yet again.

I tried to replace that with my own creative projects, but they wilted as soon as they began. Not enough light, not enough water, not enough me to ground them into. I took classes occasionally to rekindle that spark, but the inner critic prevailed once again. I find myself aching to create once again. My muse sitting beside me waiting to be heard, felt, and seen. Beside me is my critic. My fear. My judgment. I choose to dialogue with this part of me so I can give it space to be heard and felt. I cannot create without doing so. It has an intimate relationship with my muse. The more I can feel this part of me, the more I can open the doors of creativity and inspiration, of power and self-love. It has good reason to keep me from my essence. I do not wield an ax to sever it from who I am. It is a part of who I am. It is me, just not all of me.

I may choose to share my journaling with this part of me, if it agrees. I hope that it will illuminate something for you, as it will for me. I have no idea where the journaling goes or what it will manifest. I just have my desire, intention, and choice. I desire to create, I intend to create, I choose to create. That is all I can do today and the next. The rest is a mystery.

Join me….

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

Where You Choose To Live Is A Reflection Of Your Inner Emotional And Spiritual Health

Published on March 30, 2014March 30, 2014 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

On one level, it was just a day helping a friend and member of our SoulFullHeart community move from one geography to another. Yet, on the deeper level of heart and soul meaning, it represented a significant shift in her process and was the result of two years of inner emotional and spiritual healing work through embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. The physical move from the lower mainland, BC to here on the Sunshine Coast, BC was not a big one: only a forty minute ferry ride. But, emotionally, it was a momentous one in terms of what she needed to negotiate and navigate inside of herself with parts of herself to be able to embrace a new geography outside of the “grids’ of the city. We celebrated this move with her for what it represented for her and that another member of our conscious community would be living closer to us.

I have felt for many years now a great significance in where I choose to live…not just the physical structure, but the surrounding geography as well and the “energy” of it. Being attuned to energetic frequencies is not a special attainment, it is a natural awareness that many people have densified or denied because of their cultural and family conditioning. Yet, once you become sensitive to the energy frequencies of a place, you filter every location through this awareness. As this sensitivity deepens through working with your parts and deconstructing your false self, you become unable to digest certain toxic energy frequencies that you could previously tolerate.

If you want to get a sense of where you are at in terms of emotional consciousness, feel into the energy of the geography that you live in. Is it porous or denser? Porous means that it provides breathing and aeration, a feeling of movement and spaciousness. Density means that it feels more crowded (whether literally with people or not although usually the more people, the denser it feels), less movement, a feeling of being suppressed and a ceiling of despair…the air literally feels “thicker”. I felt this yesterday when we were in a surrounding area of the city with strip malls, housing developments, and crowded roads. I felt myself breathing much easier once we were back here on the sunshine coast, where trees outnumber buildings and people, and the shoreline is a constant presence.

I have had phases in my life where I’ve needed to be in the heart of the city and with people surrounding me……it felt right to where my process was at and I could negotiate this with my soul as long as there was a park or woods that I could visit regularly (usually daily) to get a sense of aeration and porosity. This was enough for me until it wasn’t and I could feel yesterday that I would be surprised if I could live in a denser geography at this point or away from the ocean, which provides a necessary cleansing whenever I need it.

If you are unhappy in your current geography, I’m offering that moving to one that makes you feel yourself more and as if you can breathe could significantly serve you. Yet, I’m also inviting you to feel the parts of you that don’t want to move and why and how your current geography reflects your inner emotional and spiritual health. I feel that many false selves in people have become comfortable and therefore stuck in their present geographies. They may give themselves ‘permission” to go on vacations to places where they feel more porous and relaxed (the Sunshine Coast being one of them), but they can’t claim these places as their homes because their hearts can’t resonate there all the time and their false self is attached to job, family, etc which keeps them therefore tied to their present place.

As I wrote about in this blog entry “If You’re Miserable In Paradise,” it isn’t about choosing a paradise place to live as your emotional wounding and spiritual congestion will “follow” you there. It’s about creating an inner healthy heart and soul home so that wherever you choose to live will reflect that.

Jillian Vriend is a co-creator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life and conscious community, parts work facilitator, author of a book and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com

What It Truly Means To Be Me: Owning My Emotional Reality

Published on March 7, 2014August 21, 2016 by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

By Kathleen Calder

I am here in my emotive, energetic and physical body. I am not here to transcend my reality and I am certainly not here to waste this lifetime on not living into what it truly means to be me.

It took me over two years involved with this SoulFullHeart way of life for it to land, but I finally woke up to something very important during a session yesterday – what makes your authentic self “authentic” is real, in the moment feeling and outing your emotional reality from a grounded place within yourself.

I’ve been under the impression, or perhaps another part of me has, that the SFH Self (what we call the authentic self), is essentially non-reactive and only seems reactive when fused with a part and/or choosing to validate and advocate for a part’s emotional reality. As it turns out, this simply isn’t true. Life isn’t about finally reaching a state of non-reactivity in order to be considered “emotionally matured” and “centred”. It isn’t surprising to me that given how powerful I have felt my own emotional reactions to be that the majority of people in our culture seek some way to invalidate themselves and to only come from a place of “centre” or calm. Stillness lives inside of all of us but refusing to be triggered by others actually doesn’t do us or them any favours.

I remember that a number of years ago I subscribed to the idea that anger is fine depending on how you use it. In other words, I tried to find ways to channel it that didn’t tell anyone I was angry at them directly. I also tried to find ways to just not feel it, but it would eventually find ways to come out. We are meant to flow with our emotions, not build walls around them…and not journal them away either. Journaling can help emotions flow and move in a way, but your journal can’t give you reactions back and help you dig deeper. People can. Life can.

I am not a victim to my feelings, though they haven’t always garnered positive feedback. I am entertaining this new energy of simply owning how I feel in an authentic, no bullshit, in the moment way. What’s sad is that outside of SoulFullHeart it is much harder to trust I will land somewhere, but I am not a victim to that either. Through ongoing work with my parts on my own and in sessions, I am building a deepening trust ground inside of myself. Trusting that all of my reactions are sacred, at least to me, and that there is no greater relief than to let them out responsibly. I have enough emotional healing and maturity now to trust I will not resort to name-calling, though at times there may be a defensive “fuck you” that has to surface. I can hold that. I can also hold my apology afterwards if I hurt somebody, but I also trust that their hurt is good data to them and to me. Hurt and pain is a roadmap meant to surface, not be stashed away for another day or even another lifetime.

Yesterday’s session was a couples’ session with Christopher and I. We have traveled a rocky road together, having had several incarnations of our coupleship over the past year. In some ways we are more solid than ever, but there is still one thing that trips us up – owning and outing how we feel in a vulnerable and authentic way. Parts of us have been wanting to tiptoe around each other still, caretaking one another but also fearing that if we do out how we feel we will no longer have love flowing between us. This is always possible, no matter what, however. So the real cost as I feel it now, is to ourselves and our own healing and growth. If the knife of our words can only be turned inwards, we are poisoning ourselves and there is nowhere for any of it to move and heal. If I do not out how I am feeling about my mate, no matter how “unreasonable” part of me may say it is, I am not honouring my true feelings and they are getting no air. Neither is he. We are in this to react to and trigger each other. We are not in this to “coast” through life, though parts of us would probably prefer that most days. The cost of that is no deepening intimacy or closeness. The cost of that is an expiry date no matter what, for at this point on our healing paths, there is no way I will stand for stasis for long and he probably won’t either. As scary as it feels to rock the boat, the true cost is “me” if I don’t. My truth and heart get suppressed and my spirits become dampened with a victimhood I have put on myself.

I am here in my emotive, energetic and physical body. I am not here to transcend my reality and I am certainly not here to waste this lifetime on not living into what it truly means to be me. Join me? www.soulfullheart.com 🙂

Kathleen Calder has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way of Life since January, 2012. Go here to read more of her writing and visit soulfullheart.com for more information about SoulFullHeart.

Reflections From Our Fifteenth SoulFullHeart Group Weekend

Published on February 24, 2014October 12, 2016 by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

This weekend we held our fifteenth SoulFullHeart group weekend. As always, the group was inspirational, transformational, and full of love and growth for all of us leading and participating in it. It’s amazing to feel that we’ve done this 15 times now over the last two years. This group weekend was held in the new venue that we found, Mission Point House, in Sechelt, BC on the Sunshine Coast. Mission House is a newly constructed, cozy and homey feeling space right on the ocean, nestled inside of a waterfront park that offers some of the most diverse bird watching in Canada.

We discovered the Mission House when we were walking our dog Koda in the park, which is near the RV campground where we are spending a few months settling into our new lifestyle. We had been to the park a few times, yet this was the first time that we noticed the house nestled by the water with shutters over all its windows. I felt drawn immediately and after peeking in all the windows, we confirmed that it was a facility space that was empty yet quite inviting. After doing some research, I found out that it was open for anyone to rent out and at the really reasonable rate of $10 a hour! And this rate included tables, chairs, and full place settings for 30 people.

I feel that the Divine Mother brought us this space, offering it to us after we moved out of our SoulFullHeart house in Gibsons where we had been holding groups previously. This new space and its capacity as a seminar facility inspired our offering of a Experience A New You two day seminar that we are holding there next month, March 22 and 23^rd. You can go here to read more information about the seminar and the beautiful setting where it is located.

The natural magic of the surroundings held us as soft snow fell all weekend, covering the trees and ground with white and inviting us into a stiller and softer place in moments. Bird totems were all around us: the trills of ravens celebrating our energetic and emotional movements and a bald eagle and three hawks gifting us with their presence in a nearby tree. The eagle was especially touching as most of us had never seen one so close up before. The eagle’s appearance coincided with the completion of a process with a part of my husband Wayne, who considers eagle medicine to be a powerful force in his life offering context, vision, and bigger perspective.

As touching as the animal magic was, the most touching aspect of our group weekends is always the connection and community that forms out of vulnerable sharing of parts and their reality. When parts of us can share and be felt in a loving setting, something new arises in our experience of ourselves and with others. Even though I’ve been witnessing this and personally experiencing it for over ten years now, I still find myself in awe at how powerful and touching this process of parts work really is.

Other powerful moments: We received some touching messages from Mother, brought to us through Christopher’s Daemon, outing himself as a messenger of the Divine with bravery and humility. Daemons, the part of us that guards our soul expression and gifts, were able to be felt and express themselves, share more past lives and actually be felt in them and move beyond their previous lifetime experiences of Goddess worship or religious dogma to let in the new frequencies of trust and love with the Divine that SoulFullHeart offers. SoulFullHeart energy healing, which I have previously led, was more community offered this weekend, with everyone learning and growing into their own energy healing gifts (which I feel we all have the capacity to express.) All of us digested that we are in the midst of geographic transition and change with Wayne and I more on the other side of it and the others in the middle of it.

From emotional to energetic to couples’ process to soul healing, there are so many places that we went this weekend and can go in SoulFullHeart, places that we need to go in order to serve the complex heart and souls engaged in the process with us. As I sit here the day after reflecting on our fifteenth group, I feel grateful for what I co-led, facilitated, surrendered into, and experienced in myself and in others the last two days and the people who created and shared this experience with me. And I feel grateful for whatever lies ahead during future SoulFullHeart Groups and beyond…..and for Mother’s continual support for our offering of this way of life that brings us so much joy, purpose, and meaning.

Jillian Vriend is a co-creator of SoulFullHeart, parts work facilitator, author of a book and on this blog, and sacred humanity-Divine Feminine teacher. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com.

Sacred Re-Birthday

Published on January 23, 2014January 24, 2014 by Gabriel Heartman

By Christopher Tydeman

Yesterday was my birthday. I reread my blog from last year and felt the emotional place I was in. It was a time of major change in my life, as it is again this year. Last year I was birthing into a new relationship with myself, SoulFullHeart, a mate, and the Divine. This year the same statement is true, just on a deeper ground. Last year, I was letting go all I was. This year I am letting in all I am.

The birthing process in SoulFullHeart is not a simple task. It can be a very trying time for the part of us that is resisting the Divine flow of growth and change. The level of pain is equal to the level of resistance. A part of me says, “You make it sound like torture!” This is not a physical pain that I refer to, but an emotional period of letting go and letting in.

In each of us, we hold a sacred human seed. An embryo, if you will. There is not one person that does not have it, as we are all a part of All That Is. Our destiny is to manifest, give birth, to this divine child within us. It is always striving for this as a plant is drawn toward the sun. It will not be denied. Does that sound like fate? It does to me, but the rate of that growth and the choice to bloom rest solely in our sacred authority.

There is a Divine paradox in that. I have a destiny, for which I won’t be denied, but get to choose how and when I want that to unfold. Fate and freewill. When we are awakened to this truth within us, there comes a time when we have to make a challenging choice. Do we resist this growth and stay stuck in our painfully protective shell, or do we move through a temporal pain (or “pane” as in window pane) to be born into a bigger more expansive place, with more air and more light?

The scary part is that we have no clue what lies on the other side of that birth canal, just as a baby doesn’t when they exit the womb. In that moment there is the Mother, our Mother, who is waiting with Her blanket of love to wrap you up and help you feel it will all be okay. You are surrounded by others in a soulful-hearted family who have been there too, and will welcome you into your reality and emotional consciousness with open arms and hearts. This is your first sacred SoulFullHeart birthday. Welcome home.

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life off and on since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show. For more information about the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life, visit soulfullheart.com

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