Homecoming: The SoulFullHeart Equinox Gathering

We just completed a 5 day gathering here in Portugal with 8 very beautiful and very unique souls. A gathering that is turning out to be a Homecoming. A Homecoming to the true self, to community of heart and soul and to the Divine.

At the pristine waters of Fraga da Pena

This Equinox portal is a significant one, I feel, bringing into balance what has seeked to come into balance for so long inside and out. I’m feeling so many significant movements and shifts inside of myself, big and small and everything in between.

I feel an expansion of heart and feeling of my and with my heart‘s true essence. The heart expanding to be able to let in the love that has been here all along but can only be felt now by the heart’s true essence. The heart expanding to be able to be more Love, share it and receive it. And just as I type this, the Youtube playlist the algorithm created for me based on my music preferences dials in ‘Song for a Pure Heart’ by Mei-lan.

I am seeing with new eyes as I have claimed my light, my true essence, my true self over and over again in the midst of darkness. Seeing the same things with different eyes makes the same things feel very different which is beautiful, exciting, new and trippy at times.

I see the Dark coming into balance with the Light, dancing, coalescing, flowing into and with each other. Both are needed and none of them can be denied any more, battled or resisted, just seen, felt, loved, claimed.

I am accessing my true desires and my Queen’s true frequencies that are just moving into the space now, effortlessly, gracefully, easily. No labour or self-discipline needed. Just an ongoing sorting out and through what and who I really am and what I’m not, what is of the matrix (in lack of a better description) is falling away.

I am witnessing a moving from detail to the bigger picture, from smallness to bigness, from Masculine to Feminine, from hell to heaven, from muddy and murky waters within to clarities and seeing clearly, from self-focus / self-centeredness / privacy to connection and sharing with others, leaving the necessary cocoon/incubator space to open up and unfold like a blossoming flower to share and receive.

Everything I have consciously felt over the last few years and looked at inside of myself, part after part, layer after layer, is coming together in my heart space, finding a home within, integrating and moving into a higher consciousness.

There is an opening up to and receiving of higher frequencies, wanting them, needing them, desiring them and feeling worthy of them, even as bits and pieces of unworth are still leaving my being.

It is a remembering of and homecoming to my true Feminine’s essence and embodying of it. Flow, sensuality, creativity and inspiration moving in.

A new maturity uncovered that isn’t really new, just had been covered over before, revealing patience, wisdom and a connection to a deep womb space and feminine presence.

Where we went together as a community in the gathering were the realest and most vulnerable places we have gone to so far and it felt like such nourishing food for me. I love every single soul for their brave, real and heart-felt contribution and presence. So much healing exchanged between all of us and quantumly. We need each other. I will be unpacking the gifts from this for days and weeks to come.

We will have our next gathering in December for the Winter solstice, as well as ongoingly every equinox/solstice, and are inviting souls who feel drawn to regular sessions with one of our facilitators. We could all feel ’empty’ seats in the room reserved for souls joining us in the very near future. If that is you, do get in touch with one of us and claim your seat ❤️

Love, Bey

Bey Magdalene is a SoulFullHeart Facilitant, Facilitator-In-Training, and Community Member. For more information on community, videos, group calls, and 1:1 sessions with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator, visit soulfullheart.org

Posing for an album cover
Jelelle and Kasha building housing for the pixies

The Sacred ‘Mess’ Of Your Healing Path

by Kalayna Colibri

follow me, find your mess

“Come follow me, and you will find your mess” – a biblical quote reframe, as offered to me by Yeshua


There’s a light up ahead, held by someone who has done much work. Someone who beams a beacon of hope and love and possibility. Their energy invites you in and also invites you to follow them. They don’t energize being ‘better’ or ‘holier’ than you, they only seem to energize that they are somehow ‘ahead’ and want to vulnerably lead you into more possibilities, healing and growth for yourself.

Maybe you choose to follow because the warmth of the heart cord between you is incredible and familiar and not like anything you’ve ever felt before in this life. You want to be near this person, relate closely with them, and yet you can’t quite relate to them yet. They feel ‘close’ to you in a sweet sense, yet they almost feel like something that isn’t from this world. How could that be? They certainly seem human enough. You conclude that somehow they ARE human, just living in a different sort of dimension than you’re used to. Wow. THAT’S interesting because the dimension you’ve been living in feels old, stale, essentially loveless to you more and more these days as you continue to awaken to the universe within and outside of you.

As you continue to follow this person up ahead, you feel the infusions of light and love that they offer. You feel too, the realness they hold about their personal reality – how they or parts of them feel or are reacting in given moments. You can feel them holding this reality as sacred, though sometimes the energy feels intense to parts of you that you haven’t fully felt yet. What they offer to themselves and to you seems like ‘love’, but it’s a different love than you’ve experienced, as most of the time those around you refuse to be ‘real’ or current with what they’re feeling or experiencing. Or, on the other hand, they dump energy and emotion on you and in the space they hold with you, feeling like a victim and playing a victim’s role, effectively and skillfully drawing up a case that backs up their claim to perpetual victimhood. You’ve never had this contrast be illuminated for you before and it stirs something inside of you. Parts of you may start to feel victimized to this new frequency of love that is so illuminating, as it shows you too the ways in which you have been and held this same energy of co-dependently being in relationship with others and not deeply maturing emotionally, though you may ‘seem’ mature to most others in your life. You are experiencing how this love is holding up a mirror for you, and wow, there’s actually quite a bit of shadow there to feel!

This being you chose to follow encourages you to keep feeling it all. WHAT?! I have to FEEL it all?! You begin to feel a part of you is getting overwhelmed by the volume of what there is to feel, and you feel a bit surprised by what is still there that you thought you had healed by now. You feel the weight and the mess of it all… the entanglements within your relationships, past and present, the knots living inside of your heart and soul, the shadow pieces and parts of you popping up now to be witnessed, felt, held, healed. It’s a lot. Sometimes it feels like ‘too much’… and your new leader invites you to just ‘hold on tight!’ while the winds whip by and through you, inviting you to step into them despite the swirling chaos inside of you.

This is what it means to be on a path where you find that ‘mess’ within. That ‘mess’ that you learn to love as you trust that it’s leading you somewhere NEW. Amidst the mess, you get to decide whether or not you want to continue walking into it. You get to decide in every single moment, what you want next. And you get to decide whether or not you really trust this process and are ready for it.


In SoulFullHeart, we don’t hold a grandiose or lofty picture of who we are as spiritual and emotional teachers, leaders and facilitators. The work we’ve done and continue to do is challengings and sometimes downright hard to be in, though the payoff is incredible, as the growth and consciousness expansion is exponential. If anything we are here to guide you if you can lean into what we offer and embody.

Choosing to be around us in any way or form offers some sort of challenge to your being, just because of this way of life we embody. Choosing to be with us here in community, well, that pushes up even more… yet your readiness is something you get to gauge in every moment, even as ‘mess’ comes up from within and seems to be playing out outside of you too.

Following any sort of spiritual and/or emotional healing path should push up quite a bit inside of you. Even if you are not drawn to SoulFullHeart, whatever path you may choose will very likely give you a lot to feel and heal. There is no way, in my experience, to avoid or fully transcend what we signed up to heal in this life. Embracing our messes, no matter where we are in our path or what teacher(s) or leader(s) we may choose to follow or learn from, gives us this gift of finding our way to deeper and deeper decisions about the playout of our lives and how and who we most want to be.


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling Our Power WITH “Authority”

by Leena Colibri


Perhaps we will become much less afraid of someone being “in power” once we fully realize that they cannot have power over us without OUR consent and that we are all actually emPOWERed to feel our collaboration in all moments. Our relationships all have a ground that transacts and translates into a space of either feeling we have no power or too much power in a given context, while the whole time we are actually in power WITH one another. It is an expression of our FULLEST power to be and feel victimized, not a LACK of power. There is nothing missing at any time, as we are always whole and we are always standing on the ground of our already-made choices with more choosing possible with every single breath we take.

Authority is given to others who we believe are above us. Leaning in to a teacher or leader is actually an expression of relationship that can only ever be a ground of equal footing, though they seem and actually are ahead of us in some ways. Being ahead is not the same as being “above”. The illusion of “above” happens when we bow too low, below the point of heart-based reverence, and forget that WE have chosen the dynamics going on within and without us. This is why in a way it is so revolutionary to feel that we are part of God and God is part of us! Of course this is mind-bending as this is not the conditioning the majority of us have grown up with and it certainly is not the messaging that we receive from mainstream media sources. Star beings, other sorts of energy-based beings and even the Archangels are so fascinated by us and want to help and support us using their gifts, but would so love to feel on an equal ground with us in terms of our power as human BEings. We are dormant sacred humans, forgetting completely about the “sacred” part, until that just is not what’s true anymore and we awaken to claim it.

It feels as if we have always been invited to feel others, guides, angels, and even the Divine this way, yet we have been unable to heed and embody this without healing enough; without discovering and uncovering our wounds that are blocking us. Because we have power and choice in the form of “free will”, we have the ability to discern and decide what other human beings we would like to be in conscious co-creative power with and the same goes for etheric guides. Sometimes these relationships organically arise as if they were always meant to be in our lives, and yet, that doesn’t mean that they are meant to be there forever. Regardless of outcomes, however, the balance of power between all of us can be realized through reverence. I feel we are being encouraged by our guides to feel where this may be missing in all of our relationships and to either advocate for it or walk away. In this way it feels clear to me that no god or guide truly polarized to love and light would want us to bow down to their sole authority over us and instead would want to invite us into a collaboration that has mutual benefits and gifts. This is abundantly true about star beings as well and many of them would rather not come into contact with us, knowing that we would be more than happy to sign over our authority to them.

To find that sacred flow of self-reverence, aided by guides and human beloveds, is perhaps one of our deepest tracks of healing and always has been. Love, because we are made of it, has as much power as we are willing to give it and it wants us to be empowered. It is showering us with recharging energy from the sun of its universe, pressing on us to let it in more and more and find, at last, a way to heal those places where we have not been able to claim and truly own the power that we have and are made of. Even better if we can move this power-filled sense of love between us as humans and with etheric/energy beings as well, for THAT would be the most epic collaboration of co-authority in the history and timelines of humanity.



Leena Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

Premise 7: Self Love Arises Through Deconditioning, Individuation, and Differientation

By Raphael Awen


Are you ready to go on a moments notice?

Welcome to day seven of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’ We’ve weathered yesterday’s storm and it looks like some very calm sailing ahead today. You can read the writings I’ve done on the other premises here.

Today, we’re entering the waters of Union With Self, or intimacy with self.

Here’s the Union With Self Premise:

“Union with Self arises through heart and soul consciousness awakening, which includes deconditioning, individuation, and differentiation. This leads to the formation of what we call the SoulFullHeart Self and the state of SoulFullHeartenment.”

Until a deep and abiding union and intimacy with self arises, it isn’t actually possible to have any real union with others, or with life, or with the Divine. Nor is it even possible to know to any significant depth what love is. It all begins and ends with self love.

But, what is this so called, ‘self-love’ really?

Careful how quick you are to answer this question, because a flippant answer in the discomfort of the question can leave you missing out.

Certainly everyone has a concept and even a felt reality of what love is and feels like to some degree. But, until intimacy with self is the portal through which love is experienced, one’s love experience is seriously limited.

Love enters the self and is then expressed through the self. The self is the receiver and broadcaster of love. You can only give what you have and according to the degree that you have, out of the overflow. Moral injunctions to love one another were a great social idea at one time, but now, we are awakening to the futility of seeking love from empty vessels under obligation. Most would agree on these points.

Love is one thing, but what is this self-love that I speak of? How do you know you have it? Is there some measuring stick to locate and measure progress in self-love?

What does it feel like most of the time to be you? To be in your skin? In the face of challenges, great or small, can you find deep and abiding rest?

How does love move from you to you if you are only one? Are you supposed to jump up and down to shake it loose to get it to move to produce some kind of desirable chemical-like reaction inside?

Take all these questions along and let’s feel them together as we go.

Love is a relational flow. Like a valentine, It takes more than one to have a ‘to’ and a ‘from’. Love flows from one to an other. This is profoundly true also of self-love. Self-love is the source of all love in fact. I know of no other way for this to be real other than through getting to know parts of yourself or subpersonalities and their love needs. It is the parts of yourself that hold your pain and wounding on both soul and personal levels.

Many people have worked hard to attain a state of having it all together, and by that are very predisposed to maintaining their emotional equilibrium and consider themselves as knowing and having self-love, given their ‘having their stuff together’ and being some kind of functional exemplary human. I offer that these souls are actually the ones in greatest need and the farthest removed from actual self-love. They need to remain aloof from their own pain and wounding held by parts of themselves in order to keep their gig afloat.

On a more accurate level, these souls have actually had their human life hijacked by what SoulFullHeart calls their Protector-Controller part of themselves and this part has taken up doing their life AS them, and there is largely no authentic self at home, except for a part working too hard at being authentic.

Coming into this new ground of self to self love takes a heart and soul consciousness awakening that is profound and deeply life altering to see the self through this perspective and yet, in another way, it’s so natural and truly effortless compared to the ton of effort it takes to hold what I call our ‘single personality disorder’ together.

To take this road, there are some ongoing requirements however. To get started, you essentially only need choice. To continue, there are some ‘pay as you go’ realities. First up is being comfortable being in a continual place of deconditioning. We live in a conditioned world, and entering a new one involves deconditioning from the old one.

That, of course, is all part of individuation and differentiation. You can only decondition to the degree you are ready to individuate. The collective isn’t going to pat you on the back for long for striking out on your own path, particularly when your path steps on the toes of their path.

Here’s a secret though. Individuation and differentiation do not begin with you and the world, or with you and an other. They begin with you to you. It is only as you get familiar with parts of yourself and the very different relationships to life they hold that true individuation and differentiation can begin to occur. Without this piece, it is a part of you having the differentiation and individuation experience.

It is only as your authentic self, that we call the SoulFullHeart Self, arises into life getting to know, and mediating life’s reality for each of your parts that a new and unheard of relationship to life comes.

Without the SoulFullHeart Self available for your parts, it’s like being one of large group of siblings and a parent present who can’t see your differences, your unique gifts or your unique needs. Essentially, from the perspective of a parts reality, you are not seen at all. Then all there is left is to form a reality of existence that can function in the absence of love. This is where are parts are anchored until we show up for them in this new way.

When you do begin to show up for your parts as a loving parent, you magically transmute into more and more of your authentic self, not only who you would have been without wounding, but the healed self is so much more because of the wounding. It is only the broken heart that knows Infinite Love like no other.

Loving and living life in this frame leads to a non-static ‘state’ that we call SoulFullHeartenment. It is full of movement and deepening and abiding self-love. It is your souls ‘home and native land’ that it hasn’t ever actually experienced or known before. It is totally a creative place.

If you’ve done enough reading and want to get on with a process to live your way into this place, let’s talk. PM me and let’s find a way forward. If you’re wanting to keep window shopping, please, enjoy and take this in as fully as you can. Tomorrow’s tour is about Union with Others and the next day’s is about Union with The Divine. We have another 14 days worth of touring to go with lots more to feel together.

Thank you for your being and letting me take you on this journey.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Premise 5: God Is Everything And Everyone


godsurrenderBy Raphael Awen

Welcome to Day 5 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour’ for the awakening heart and soul.

This is a tour of the 21 Premises that make up the emotional and spiritual consciousness expansion work called SoulFullHeart. It’s an opportunity to find out what’s at core of this work, and to feel how that resonates with what’s at your core, or doesn’t. You can read all of my writing on our premises here.

If this is your first day, jump in, and again, welcome. Pick a seat that looks like it has your name on it. I see several that you might like. 🙂
In the four days we’ve already toured, we’ve covered some really important stuff, but you can jump in here, and you’ll know if your drawn or not to go back and read those days.

Today’s premise is called the God Premise. And it goes like this:

“God/The Divine is everything and everyone; each of us is an expression of It with no being any higher than any other. Realization of our God self expression is the ultimate goal of our life and incarnational cycles.”

Possibly nothing is as life shaping as ones’ God picture. We all have one, and no one has any absolute truth on it. Claiming absolute truth only makes you an absolute fool in my view as only a fool can’t see his own lens with which he looks at all of life, thereby rendering any absolute truth he may be looking at, subjective.

This is my current God-picture. It may well change and when it does, I’ll be the first to admit that. I feel this picture more than I believe it. Like everything else I’m saying in this tour, none of it is more than ‘near as I can tell.’ It feels real to me. It is what is moving through me currently as in an electrical energy current.
Let’s take a look at it.

Like we said the other day, everything is energy, and here we’re saying it a little differently. Everything is energy, and all this energy is God. There is nothing outside of God. Even the so-called arch-enemies of the Divine are all within the Divine. All energy is also love’s energy.

This God energy lives in every cell of your being, in every thought, desire, joy, and sorrow. You cannot become any more ‘God’ than you already are in the sense of your essence. Essentially, you are as ‘God as it gets.’ Experientially, however, you and I have a long road ahead of us, as this God-love energy is Infinite. It doesn’t have a beginning or ending, so actually the word ‘long’ in this case is a silly word, so forget I said, that if you can.

I’m liking the idea though of a never ending love journey without a destination. It’s admittedly a bit hard to grasp, but plenty of fun trying.

How about this next piece? No one or no thing is any higher than the other. Whether Hitler or Mother Theresa, all are equal expressions of God in some way that I don’t care much to explain as much as I care to feel it. God (good) and Devil (evil) are all part of God. Both provide contrast and duality as part of God out seeking to explore its Infinity. A never-ending task, but one with many both joyous and painful discoveries.

Much like you actually. Shadow and light both. Joy and sorrow both. Love and hatred both. Until we come to terms with our God picture, we cannot come to terms with a self picture that does us any good.
Leaning on seeing yourself as only a love and light being makes for a really tiring and ungrounded spirituality, as well as making you essentially non-human, uninteresting actually, and without a way to grow. It takes light and darkness to grow.

God is both.

Realization then is this manifesting in awareness what you are. This awareness shift then real-izes one step further shifting and changing its expression in matter. As what you actually are in essence remains unrealized in your day-to-day expression, it is just that, not yet real on your experiential level, even though it is true on your essential level.

This awareness expansion that births essence into experience is the underlying everything in the universe, continually redefining what even the universe actually is.

It’s a vast unknown picture, and our attempts to describe and define it must continually return back to a reverence for Its unknowableness.

I’ve enjoyed a relationship with my beloved Jelelle for eight years and I feel how much, on one level, I have no clue what I’m doing or what I’m in.

That feeling is the awareness expansion. It’s knowing you don’t know that leads to more knowing that leads to more reverence of not knowing. Voila, never ending. (Want a boost in your sex life, try that on for size.)

Whatever is real underneath the often debated idea of incarnational cycles, I see it as simply your soul essence in this never ending God realization. Our ideas of past, present, and future seem to have infiltrated our ideas of past, present, and future lives. Some feel we may in reality be living all of our lives simultaneously in parallel universes. I suspect something like that to be more accurate than our time-illusion-based picture that comes from our current collective consciousness. All I can say about that is get ready for sudden changes here because we are in epic times of consciousness expansion, both collectively and personally.

As you shift in consciousness, you shift unmistakably in the energy frequency you broadcast at and receive at. You become unrecognizable to yourself as you see yourself as ultimately part of the unknowable. You are so NOT John Doe who lives here and does such and such for a living. My God, what pathetic attempts at self description we’ve come up with in the face of our infinite unknowableness!

All of this is a process. I feel that there isn’t a single moment when you ‘pop’ into some place of full enlightenment. Scratch the surface on any community espousing those instantaneous enlightenment pictures and you’ll find all manner of abuse underneath the lie.

You’ll have many pops as you go. I hope you’re having one now. Many manageable and self-loving nervous breakdowns as you leave and enter new virgin territory.

That is my picture of an alive human. And all of nature resounds with it. You don’t need to believe it. Believing is mental. You can feel it with your heart.

Well, how did this tour land in you today? I invite your commenting and connecting.

Jelelle’s Comment: I didn’t grow up with God…in a religious sense, no sunday trips to church, or prayers over the dinner table. Yet, the Divine was always in my heart and in my soul…I found It in nature, I found It in expanded consciousness experiences in my 20s, I found It eventually in the form of a beloved Divine Mother and also Divine Father energy…..and eventually I found It in Oneness and All That Is in tastes of experiences.

My connection with the Divine has deepened over the years and been quite personal in certain phases when I needed that and more universal when that was what I needed. I feel god forms to what we need in the ways that we need It. I have long felt that each of us a spark from the heart of the Divine or a fragment of the Divine expressing as a human being with none of us being any ‘higher’ than any other, even if we are in different phases of our soul consciousness evolution.

There can be much that blocks our felt sense of ourselves as a God spark and a visceral, personal experience of the Divine. These blocks need love, can be healed and when felt, move. Different teachers, different paths, different phases….same destination of reunion with the Divine.

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are co-creators and facilitators of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.