The Process Of Uncovering Gratitude

by Kalayna Solais

Feels strange and yet somehow ‘right’ to have ‘Canadian Thanksgiving’ tomorrow, even though in my life I feel like on a multi-dimensional level, gratitude is continuing to deepen and expand out from me and parts of me at every turn.

This year, I feel like it’s a time to really, soberly, look at, see, FEEL my life as it is and not force my parts into an ‘attitude of gratitude’ but to really feel them in where they might still be tripping over the whole concept of being grateful and why.

I know that inside of me and in my process over the years there’s been a lot of layers of entitlement to feel and heal. I’ve felt though, with each part that’s had this disposition, that underneath the entitlement is a sense of a lack of worthiness. A sense that they won’t get what they want unless they fight for it and ultimately too, a belief that they won’t actually EVER get what they want and that others will instead.

I’m still feeling into what’s truly underneath that meme that’s been ringing and pinging inside for so long and on a soul level too, yet it’s being uncovered with effort and desire to heal it. And, it feels like this ‘Thanksgiving’ celebration day tomorrow helps to bring in some sort of intention around it… around truly and viscerally healing the entitlement that still lingers and moving it into even deeper gratitude than I already feel.

Really feeling our gratitude is actually quite the process. Any bypassing that’s had to be done in order to ‘get there’ actually just buries the parts that feel like they aren’t getting what they want or even what they need, especially from you to you, you to them, parts of you to other parts of you in their relationship with each other.

There’s a lot to feel about this in the collective too of course, and it’s evidenced by our overuse of natural resources, lack of feeling and compassion towards one another and being competitive instead. Even in our domination of animals. Any sort of ‘Thanksgiving’ holiday is really just another reminder to have a look at all of this and how it’s been configured inside of each of us. What IS your personal relationship to gratitude and how does it live in you?

I feel this question as a meditation for myself… and one that I ongoingly want to feel deeply into as I DO have so much to be grateful for, always. And so much that I have earned through personal process, through ‘crawling through glass’, and also, through following with courage what my own soul and heart have wanted more than anything else. In other words… I think the deepest source of gratitude for anything in our lives HAS to be rooted in feeling grateful, ultimately, for our own journeys and where they have had to go, where they are now, and where they seem to be leading.

Much love to you… and if you’re celebrating this weekend… Happy Thanksgiving! 

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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

 

Wants, Desires And Needs: Essential Aspects Of Our Ascension

by Kalayna Colibri

desires

My ever-healing heart and the energy of Mary Magdalene, want to share this invitation with you today…

You are so beloved…why are you afraid to desire?

You are created for adventures… why have parts of you, soul aspects of you, decided that it’s safer, cleaner, not to claim your needs and wants?

Do you, arising sacred human heart, feel how this is what keeps you from entering the processes you most need and want to, in your soul? Those sacred upheavals of emotion and soul bursts that show you what you need to feel and heal next? These feelings of ‘I will never get what I want’ are actually a shout crowding a gentler whisper that says, ‘I’m afraid I actually might get what I want…’.

Want. Desire. Need. These are loaded words, oft kept in a box, labeled ‘danger!’ and rightly so… this Pandora’s Box is a life changer, the love you eventually can’t ignore though parts of you may try so hard to do so. There is nothing wrong with the delay of feeling what you most want, for you are wired to want MORE anyways. You are in gratitude for what you have, yes, yet this gratitude needs more space for breathing too, for expanding into a bigger heart container that also holds desires for more depth of relationship, a more suitable geography, an impeccable soul and heart romance, soul friendships within conscious community, challenges to just keep going, moving, healing, diving in… Gratitude cannot really be used to suppress your desires, but can instead be used to enrich and enliven them.

Your most sacred terrain of change is in your healing heart. No true and lasting changes can be made on the outside without the inside leading the way. New wants, needs and desires rise up from process, as an aspect of feeling parts and soul fragments of you, as something to keep you heading along your path. They are meant to shift and change as you are, yet this shifting and changing need not be a dulling of your sharpness of wanting, your ability to create and co-create. If anything, it sharpens you further, clarifying with greater depth and breadth what it is you most deeply want NOW and NOW. If you are feeling yourself, if you are in a healing process, you need not worry about your desires being over-indulgent or false or harmful. As your heart heals, so do your motivations in every area of life, until life has no ‘areas’ or ‘segments’ or especially ‘compartments’ but is one life lived in and according to LOVE… where does LOVE want me to flow today? What does it want to illuminate for me in this phase, in this very moment?

The deeper fears of desiring and wanting, live under the resistance to feel them… they are the vulnerability of feeling that nothing in life is guaranteed and yet if your heart truly wants it, the path aligns to make it happen WITH you, not for or to you. The desire is the beacon, the light at the end of the sometimes long, long tunnel. It is the picture, the double-vision you can hold fast to while walking among hot coals of sometimes shadowy process grounds. It is the warm voice beckoning you to keep moving onward by turning inward, seeing for the first time that this voice is yours.

We are full-up of expectations from others that have somehow become our own. We are passed down legacies of withdrawal from life and ultimately from LOVE. We are given only the tools necessary to keep being safe and sound and secure, not loving ourselves through vows of cherishment and self-awe. This means deflecting that which doesn’t match a much duller picture, sacrificing dreams for ‘knowns’. Gratitude comes in the moments we realize that we are exactly where we need to be while on the path of the adventure to what we most deeply want. Gratitude is covered by inherited brambles when we wait alongside the path and don’t choose to step out onto it. Synchronicities send over invitations to keep walking, moving, remembering, letting more love in, yet we will only accept the invite if we are ready to recognize that this messenger is who we’ve been waiting for.

What is it that your heart most desires and needs for you and from you in this moment, on this day? Feel this, bring it inward to your heart with curiosity and love, as a parent to a growing child or a gardener to a blooming rose. Let yourself be taken, fascinated by your wants and needs. Allow in some moments of feeling all there is to feel and see what new places, on this very next step of your burgeoning, ever-ascending life, open up for you next. ❤

 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

For Raphael Awen: Happy Birthday! Thank You For YOUR Love…

by Kalayna Colibri

R bday collage 2017

 

Every young part of my heart

ached for the love of a man like you.

A man in quasi-father-figure-ness

also unafraid of his sexuality

and his shadow

who could “see” me/us

with no lecherous intent

however buried.

 

Your love

is like water…

for my rose garden

of young femininity

that is somehow

ancient too.

 

Your capacity

to hold and BE so much

PURE love

comes from so much

work

inner healing

courageous choices

and the deepest feeling spaces

that only a true King

can feel and inhabit

and live in…

 

You pick up where fathers

and mates

have left off

and help me

pick up the pieces

and parts

that have needed love like yours.

 

When my heart says ‘thank you’

to you today,

it knows

I couldn’t be healing all of this

without YOU,

with the YOU that you have cultivated

the YOU that loves so deep

and cares so much.

 

Thank you for being

the jarring voice

of deep masculine love.

 

Thank you for being

the father-surrogate

my youth has needed

in all loves frequencies you carry.

 

Thank you for showing

and demonstrating

how a healing

loving woman

should ask

and wait

and hold out for

the most exquisite overflow

of love

from a mate.

 

And thank you…

most of all…

for being unabashedly YOU,

whatever that means in moments

and however that changes with process

and shifting desire-choices…

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAPHAEL! ❤

 

 

The Altitude of Authentic Gratitude

gratitude1

 

In the fusion of negative forces within us, we inevitably create conditions that support that vibration.  Our creative power is used in a downward trajectory, keeping us in the loop of the 3D pain body.  There are several ways to begin to find our way out of that loop and into a sacred healing process, of which I mentioned in my post yesterday.  

I was talking yesterday with my SoulFullHeart family and the topic of gratitude came up.  When we desire new alchemy in our lives, whether it is a more aligned way of BEing, a new living environment, new possessions, or even romance, there is the importance of letting in fully what we have in the moment, even if it is not ideally what we desire, with gratitude.  If the universe is going to help us co-create our desires then it is going to want to know we will still have that gratitude in tact.  If we continue to hold negative energy to our current situation, then the creative process is neutered and capped.  

But it is more than just intending gratitude through some daily practice of writing or speaking, but of deep down authentic gratitude.  The kind that almost, if not certainly, brings an emotional response.  One that comes from the heart.  This genuine authenticity can be accessed when we have actually felt the part of us that isn’t in gratitude. “But I thought we want to avoid that negativity?”  We want to be with what is real.  It doesn’t mean to fuse to it again but to hold its reality and lovingly communicate that what we have is a gift and that we also want more.  This constant reminder in the tough times can help wrap a context and a love blanket around the aspect of us that may not jive.  To be given a voice, held in love, and then released.  

The more this happens the negativity is softened and we begin to feel our Higher gratitude and the possibilities of more.  Our dreamer is turned back on to an alchemical frequency and the gears of creation are engaged.  Are we guaranteed what we desire?  I don’t believe we are guaranteed exactly what we want but you may find it is exactly what you need and sometimes even more.  No matter the outcome, in the process of feeling our authentic thanks, we live in the world of our Higher Self, living in the beauty of the Now, in all its perfect imperfections.    

In this moment I feel my own gratitude for all you who take in my posts into your heart and respond the way that feels authentic to you.  Thank you for your presence and your witness to my own growth and emergence.  We are making magic happen again and that is worth celebrating.
If you feel called to a more authentic way of life that holds all of our being from the gracious to the not so gracious, and aims to take us to our new height of sacred humanity through ascension, then I look forward to your heart call and see what we can co-create together.  

Sequoia Heartman is a writer, heartist, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, online group calls and circles, community, videos, and more.