Tag: depression

Moving Beyond Fear-Based ‘Tolerance’ Of Dissonance During Awakenings & Growth

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

by Kasha Rokshana

“Tolerance” is really such a terrible word. I don’t particularly like it. Because it makes parts of us feel like they are obliged to let things go that really they shouldn’t have to. It’s one of the most misinformed tenants of modern society. Tolerance is not compassion or understanding, let alone love, and it actually typically comes from fear, especially the fear of you yourself not being ‘tolerated’ let alone actually felt or understood.

If you find yourself tolerating a dead marriage, a dead relationship to birth family, a dead connection to your livelihood, rather than seeking and humbly taking risks for the sake of aliveness, then you’re likely in a place of having been coached, told, conditioned into feeling like as long as you’re tolerating these dead things, you’re ‘doing something right’ and dare I say, even reaching the carrot of ‘enlightenment’.

No one is entitled to your tolerance, not even the parts of you that ask for it. Just as people on the outside of you basically tell you ‘don’t look over here, you have to accept me as I AM’, parts of you can do that too. They don’t want you to see their manipulative strategies or ways of controlling the people in your life that you don’t resonate with so that they don’t have to experience real and true growth and what actually COULD become possible in ALL of your relationships.

Tolerance becomes intolerance, sometimes quickly, as awakenings happen and these awakenings lead quickly to depression and anxiety when this intolerance is not honoured or felt. You are changing. And if you’re a big soul, you’ve likely felt how quickly you change and shift at times and are oftentimes tiptoeing around your relationships rather than letting your awakenings truly ride with you into a new life phase.

Death and rebirth is always a part of awakening, whether it’s the kind of death and rebirth that is very, very dark for a time or the kind that is actually much easier to move through. I can assure you though, that if parts of you still buy the 3D Matrix or New Age Spirituality Matrix shit of ‘you have to find a way to make this work because that’s what real love does’, then you are in for more difficulty, not less, whether it manifests in physical illness, emotional waves you fall under rather than feel able to come to terms with (note, I didn’t say ‘control’), or a feeling of existential crisis that keeps growing until parts of you can no longer stuff it down.

Awakening, truly expanding into your heart and soul and letting them lead, is not about tolerating anything or anyone. Yet, as this intolerance is felt and honoured, true compassion can be felt as well as authentic passion. You change, and even if the people around you can’t, you are empowered to navigate your way through that and find new people to be around, even if you need a phase of being ‘alone’ (which is never alone, truly, for the Divine is ALWAYS there and sometimes it takes the lonely feelings to actually drop into Its arms at last).

If you truly have a penchant for your deepest growth, you’ll find a way to feel what you’ve been allowing that actually doesn’t feel good to you. Our gut honesty is what brings us the most growth and the most Divine alignment, even in all its messiness and absolute dearth of glamour. There is NO such thing as an ‘ugly cry’, especially when what you’re feeling is the grief of what perhaps once worked, what once was beautiful and resonant, and you’re feeling into letting it go for the sake of all involved…

I love you. Keep feeling. Keep moving beyond tolerance and you WILL find your truth, whether you end up needing to move into deep life change right away or not. Your awakenings will deepen and your experience of your soul will too, even in all of the waves of exquisite sadness, necessary rage, and openings into bittersweet bliss.

Love,
Kasha

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Kasha Rokshana is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador, SoulFullHeart Women’s Facilitator, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Feeling In Every Moment Changes Your Life

Published on by Kasha Rokshana1 Comment

By Kalayna Colibri

Sometimes there’s more to feel than there is to ‘do’. Actions born of your deepest feeling spaces are the ones most connected to your heart, parts, and self-care. They happen while you take yourself with you in all ways.

It feels so natural to me now to be in any situation in my life and be feeling my parts or Metasoul aspects while doing so. I love taking them all with me. It doesn’t feel crazy or weird to me anymore and it doesn’t feel overwhelming either. In fact, learning to feel myself in this way has helped so much with the overwhelm I used to feel in my daily life.

If you’re someone who identifies with anxiety or depression or anything like it, imagine a reality where you can feel these things as parts of you that need your love and attention. Imagine being in a social situation and feeling the activation of the social anxiety a part of you has, but not feeling like this anxiety IS you and instead is something you understand and are learning to love deeply. What if this anxiety comes because you’ve needed it, parts of you have needed it, as a reason to pull out of less-than-nourishing relationships, even for a brief time to collect yourself?

Having a deep consciousness and awareness of your emotional reality on a soul and heart level opens up whole new worlds of understanding your reality, why you’ve drawn what you’ve drawn, and how to start shifting it into health, balance, and more love within and outside of you too.

There’s an invitation and opportunity to dig in instead of accept what has always felt to simply be ‘true’ about you… and to give something brand new the chance to be birthed. Life and this ongoing Ascension process do not want the ailments, pain, and difficulty to endure or remain. Yet, it’s up to your sovereign choice whether or not you are ready to face and heal the trauma by feeling it deeply and giving it air and room to become something different.

My beloveds and I offer powerful and affordable space-holding if you’d like support to go into this: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling The Existential Part Of You To Heal Beyond Medication

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

I felt to share a response I gave to someone around the use of medication to alleviate deep depression and even thoughts of suicide. There is a lot that has been done to help many with this crippling and tragic dynamic inside, yet it is a way to get on rather than truly go IN and get to the deep roots of this very existential situation. I honor what medication has meant to those that have needed it, I had my own. If the desire is there to be curious and courageous then that is the first step in living a life of authentic feeling and joy:

“You are tapping into some deep existential territory. In my personal opinion, psychology has a hard time grappling with this existential quandary, so drugs are prescribed as a runaround. I don’t feel it as evil per se, just the only way to provide relief and a sense of control. But ultimately we need to reconcile this within ourselves so that we can feel what is the root in our souls around this.

The particular story is different for everyone, and we all have our own bone to pick with God. A fear, a rejection, persecution, abandonment, etc. We are to feel what our relationship is to this feeling if we want to ‘get back to God’, so to speak. If we truly believe or even want to believe that God is Love and that It/He/She exists in all things and has never abandoned us, then there is a story there. A reason for this feeling of being tried, tested, or played with. It is up to us to ask the questions, hold the space, and go into the murky territory that is this sacredly difficult place.

I believe that true awakening is a challenge but not one that we are in alone or outside of God’s Love. I feel this burden of proof from God needed by a part of you. Feeling our Higher Self and tapping into its own knowingness is what can bring us the much-needed space to go into this journey if we are willing and ready.”

Gabriel Heartman
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

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Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Art As A Mirror And A Doorway Into The Heart And Soul

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments

Bringing outside what lives inside can be the beginning of a vast exploration of the myriad energies that make up the wholeness of You.

The picture below was done during a time (around 2014 I think) when I was feeling a deep depression that felt almost immovable. While I was in it I feel like I needed to get it out rather than letting it envelop me. I can remember the feeling of barely getting the paper on the table and grabbing the charcoal stick. It needed to be charcoal because it looked just like I felt. Dark and grey.

I remember having no clue what I wanted to draw and just let the feeling travel from my heart to my hands and it translated to a swirl of grey in the center. I was swirling on the inside so it matched. Then it got darker and darker. I smudged the charcoal because that is what I felt like too…smudged. As I stared at the picture a began to feel how I was in this tunnel like environment, on the inside looking out. Wanting to feel something different than what I was feeling. Wanting to feel lighter. Freer. Less confined and dismal.

Then as I felt this energy leaving my being and bleeding its way onto the paper, I felt to draw the figure sitting on the floor of this tunnel staring out. Looking…watching…waiting. I could feel this being as different than me at that moment. He was me and not me at the same time. He was a part or aspect of me that felt this way. He was looking for someone to connect with him so he didn’t feel so hopeless. This is when the depression became not who I was, but held by a part of me that had a story and a reason.

This act spurred on other pictures that were not all that detailed. They were simple yet had emotional substance and a reality held by something inside of me that was not all of me. It became less about depression and more about self-discovery. The sunrise of curiosity was breaching the infinite ocean of despair and I had a relationship to it….to him, or maybe it was always Her. My hidden and disowned feminine wanting to be claimed by her King. Either way, it changed my relationship both emotionally and physically to my depression.

Even if you don’t fancy yourself an ‘artist’ the act of moving something on paper, canvass, or computer screen, can open a doorway to your heart and soul that invites a relationship, a curiosity, and a compassion. This is more than just art therapy, but a beginning to discovering the lost and hidden aspects of what and who you really are in both the shadow and the light. It moves from the paper back into You in a whole new way that doesn’t just provide relief but a new consciousness that can lift you into new technicolor timelines.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Healing Your Relationship To Depression: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Aug 27, 2018)

Published on by Kasha RokshanaLeave a comment

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week. Go read it here!

This week, SoulFullHeart teacher and Facilitator, Gabriel Heartman, penned a piece about relating to what you may have been calling your ‘depression’ for many years now, in a different way. He offers that working with the parts of you that feel and hold the depression gives you a new way to feel about it and a profound way to heal it deeply:

“It is time to treat it as an ally and a guide. A dynamic that is happening inside of you. Not ignoring it, but de-energizing the power of the word itself. It is a series and sum of feelings that have been balled up into a density that is extremely heavy. But when related to differently and with a willingness to feel those individual parts of it, will you then be able to get beyond its gravitational pull and into what it is meant to offer you.”

A few new writings are offered this week from Raphael and Jelelle Awen, Kalayna Colibri, and Gabriel Heartman, that digest current energy waves, sacred community, the ways in which we can relate to ourselves and our parts, and different ways to think about your spiritual and healing path.

You’ll find several new audio blog recordings as well.

Raphael, Jelelle and Gabriel offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. These sessions are available for $77 USD min. donation per session. More information can be found here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

Healing Your Relationship To Depression

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

The words that are used to describe our emotional states can be held by parts of you as a way to actually not feel the very thing that the words are meant to express. Take “I am depressed” or “I have depression”. If words are waveform energy, then there is a collective binding to that word. You are not only experiencing a parts relationship to depression but the depression of all of those that have used that word. Of course, a part of you wouldn’t want you to feel all of that! Or the word can be used to judge or confine true and real emotion, which is can be a masculine part doing that to a feminine part, both in men and women.

Positive affirmations are meant to act as a refocusing, however, the feelings and parts that are associated with the ‘depression’ are then just moved to the side or sequestered/banished into shadow again. Letting go of the word for a moment and just feeling what those feelings are all about, with curiosity and compassionate understanding can lead to a whole new world inside of you. This is a negotiation with what we call the Inner Protector. It has a lot to say about going into this Depression. The images that come up with that word can be quite epic and overwhelming. There are layers of things to feel that make up the totality of this word.

It is time to treat it as an ally and a guide. A dynamic that is happening inside of you. Not ignoring it, but de-energizing the power of the word itself. It is a series and sum of feelings that have been balled up into a density that is extremely heavy. But when related to differently and with a willingness to feel those individual parts of it, will you then be able to get beyond its gravitational pull and into what it is meant to offer you.

It holds your creativity, your muse, your lost/forgotten connection to the Divine, and your inner Sacred Union. This is a negotiated process that has no silver bullet other than opening your heart, feeling what needs to be felt, one part at a time. My beloveds and I offer ourselves as guides in that exploration when you are ready to turn the depression into something new.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

On The Precipice Of Change Is Where Love Finds You

Published on by Gabriel Heartman2 Comments
What do you long for?
What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?
What is it that you truly want to feel coursing through your veins when you wake up in the morning?
Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?
 
These are the penetrative questions that rumble the status quo of our current emotional and spiritual consciousness. I am being asked those questions of myself as I feel and heal old patterns within me that have taken me to the next leg of my inner quest and leadership.
 
When you feel like you begin to cycle on something, you have hit a ceiling. Actually, it is more like a membrane. It is not solid in reality. It only appears that way to a part of you that holds resistance to what lies on the other side. This ‘ceiling’ is actually the floor to the next level, the next chapter, of your ever-evolving growth and remembrance.
 
What you come to at that moment is a precipice. In front of you is a void that has no apparent stone to step on because a part of you afraid of what happens if there is nothing there to catch you. This has been a repeated part of my journey that is seeking an end. One where vulnerability, risk, and the fear of what occurs on the other side get to create the very steps that have appeared lacking yet there all along.
 
This suffering ceiling is what brought me to SoulFullHeart. It is what inspired me to say no more to what clearly was not working in my life at that time. It is what is inviting me to go to my next places, next steps that send me to higher heights, along with the fears of falling. There is a moment when you have to decide when the cycles end and the real loving begins. I ask again:
 
What do you long for?
What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?
What is it that you truly want to feel coursing in your veins when you wake up in the morning?
Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?
 
The answers to those questions only come from going into your heart with curiosity, a mirror, and a guide. Wherever you find it, chose it and claim it one choice at a time. Your soul is ready as your heart may waver. That wavering is a universe of parts that have a lot to say and be held in. Feel them and you create a whole new world from the inside out. I offer my heart in service to that exploration of all that you are meant to be.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Creating From Divine Inspiration Rather Than Depression

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

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As I participate in the creation of the home we are building for Sequoia out of cob (a combination of clay, subsoil, straw and water), as I witness this cabana birthing out of the ground from materials which come exclusively from the ground….I am reminded of the death and rebirth cycle. Creation always brings us closer to the edge of where things begin and eventually where they complete. Immersed as I am in this project right now, I know that some day it will be finished and no longer will it arise anew, responding to contributions of my alchemy, passion, and physical focus. I will have moved on to something else, a new creation will beckon me to make something out of nothing.

Our attention and creativity is meant to wrap around something with focus on the end product while holding reverence for the process. Then, we are able to detach and move on to the next. I find that the more access I have to the part of me or subpersonality that holds my creativity, the more I can navigate and inhabit whatever I am involved in from a place of investment and then detachment.

For many years, my creativity was high jacked by the part of me that holds depression. It seemed that I couldn’t write creatively or work on a creative art project without being in a state of sadness, angst, and melancholy. This depression part of me didn’t feel alive unless she was creating something and yet, she could only be creative by dredging up her pain and using her agony as the primary source of fuel. I stopped publically writing for a few years as I focused on feeling and healing this part of me through journaling with her and being felt by a parts facilitator. This part of me had a complicated relationship with my creativity. She felt that she needed to express this way as means to off gas her pain even though it didn’t actually get felt, only exploited. I believe that a lot of artistic and creative people have a depression part that relates to their creativity in this way which is why so many of them suffer from suicidal depression. Add in another part of us that needs validation and attention from others related to our creativity and it can be a recipe for suffering.

It took me some time to find my writer’s voice again, healed greatly from depression and suffering, and now coming from a new source of Divine inspiration. Creating from this place is about an overflow produced from connection with myself, parts of me, Raphael, others in our community, animals, nature. It comes from an overall sense of joy and goodness about my life. It comes from the feeling of loving and being loved. This love spring has gushed forth eight years worth of blog entries and five books. It turns out that connecting with Divine creative inspiration is also pretty productive.

If someone asked me about how to relate to their creative process, I would offer that we have to feel which part of us is ‘in charge’ of it. As I already mentioned, it can be a depression part which primarily holds it. Or, there can be a very strong identity or persona part related to our creativity with a self image-based claim of being an ‘artist’ or ‘writer’. Or it can be an inner, young child part of us that relates with it like a secret outlet kept hidden away from others because it feels too vulnerable to share. It can be suppressed by a protector or controller part of us to such an extent that we don’t feel like we are creative at all. If creativity is about connecting to Divine inspiration, then also we need to look at the part of us (which we call the Daemon or soul guardian) that opens up access to our soul consciousness and Divine connection. When in Divine thrall or communion, we feel that the act of creating and our creation is ultimately in service of the Divine and in surrender to It as well.

Whether it is building something or writing or painting or making banana bread, creativity can be an expression of our sacred humanity. It can be a glorious testament and honouring of that which transcends reality even as it paints off of the canvas of our ordinary lives. It can honor that which begins and that which inevitably reaches a completion. The Divine doesn’t require masterpieces; only honestly focused expressions of our authentic essence creatively dipping into the waters of Infinite Love in celebration of love and life.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and sessions.