Category: Parts / Subpersonalities

I cannot make you grow with me, only invite you to come along

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

14192049_239123553154919_4344886605486717740_n

by Jelelle Awen

I cannot make you grow with me, only invite you to come along………’Shrinking to fit’ in relationships with others is one of the biggest ways that we cap our soul bigness and keep our hearts more closed related to transacting intimate love with ourselves, others, and the Divine. These shrinking dynamic happens when parts of us conform to others expectations, ideas, and roles about who we are rather than being who we really are. In the SoulFullHeart process, we see parts of us as subpersonalities that form when traumas and hurts happen that are not digested in the moment and so become clogged and blocked energy patterns and behaviors.

Instead of shrinking to fit to maintain the ‘old’ and comfortable ground of transaction, we begin to stretch and challenge that ground as we awaken and heal into more expression of our authentic self.

Real and authentic connection between people cannot be lost, it only deepens and is revealed with healthy shifts and changes in each person. If it doesn’t deepen yet instead completes, then the connection was based in more grounds of compensation, codependence, and emotional binds than it was in resonance, interdependence and healthy bonds.

This can be a very painful process of completion with much opportunity to feel the deeper aspects of ourselves that were being mirrored and projected in the relationship onto the other person or people. Held with love and an open heart, the process can be very transformational with a possibility of new openings in the future in the relationship.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator, facilitator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

It’s our relationship to Desire that matters, not suppressing it

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

abundance-tuning-419541_385869411425804_152032768142804_1531154_772769606_n

Possibly the single most difficult challenge in life is dealing with desire.

Think about it for a moment. Without desire, there wouldn’t be such things as addictions, no need for medications or drugs of any kind. No need for anything really. Sex, food, a new iphone, you name it, all of it no longer sought after. There wouldn’t be any conflict, as that’s all based on desire, so there’s the whole ‘world peace’ issue solved. No more internal conflicts either, so no more need for any spiritual teachers like myself offering ‘more’ in some form or another. There wouldn’t be any possibility of being taken advantage of, nor sold anything, because all that too begins and ends with desire.

What comes up for many of us in feeling this burden of desire that we carry is a desire to return to the place of no desire, to return to source. We can feel a realm of bliss and contentment where we were free from the tyranny of desire. But, to enter this place, we feel a desire to unburden ourselves of this seeming plague of desire that overwhelms us. Did you get that? Desire to exit desire? Argh! Give it an inch and it takes a mile.

The other day, in the evening, I walked down the hill to the beach seawall and stopped in for some ice-cream. It was chocolate mint with crunchy chocolate chunks in it. It tasted out of this world. I knew it was a sugar bomb and of no food value whatsoever, but it was just too good and too satisfying to say no too. Then, the next evening, the idea came back again, and guess what? More chocolate mint. That night at around 3 am, there was a sugar bomb explosion that gave me a headache. Now the chocolate mint wasn’t so much my friend anymore. Lesson learned right? Well, actually, no, because the idea came back around on the third night in a row and guess what? MORE Chocolate Mint, and yet another early morning hangover. Talk about addicted, I couldn’t even try a different flavour.

So, what’s the solution? The idea of some ‘self control’ comes up first with a bit of a punishing energy. “Once in a blue moon as a treat, is fine, but….”. But this too is the voice of another desire, desire wanting to control desire.

When you stop to feel through it, there isn’t a single problem that you have in any area that can’t be traced back directly to the issue of desire.

So, let’s leave this plagued world of desire then, right? To hell with desire. Let’s kill off all desire. What’s left could only be total bliss.

But we’d have to exit nature for sure, because even trees have desire. We’d have to shed the body, because it too is a demon of desire, food, sex, nikes and all. And then what we’re left with is being disembodied spirits who live in the bliss of escape from the pain of all desire. If this is true, then suicide is the greatest virtue.

But, think a bit further here. The question comes up if I would really be free of all desire after death. If I’m still existing, but outside of the body, I won’t be at the ice-cream shop any time soon, but wouldn’t I still be in some realm of desire?

It feels to me like the oneness source that we were birthed out of, the one that we can feel a longing to return to, is actually an energy of discontentment within its contentment. If God, or oneness, or non-duality was so blissfully fulfilled (filled to the full), why did it create outside of itself, beings who would be dependent upon desire?

The answer I can feel around this one and humbly offer as a ‘near as I can tell’ is that God had desire. I know that sounds blasphemous to our conditioned minds, but God wasn’t filled to the full. And God isn’t filled to the full. And God is out ‘godding’ around through you and me in this utter cacophony of desire that has been unleashed upon us.

Why?

Because God in its utter and total fulfillment, felt a need to step outside of itself, which it actually can’t do, but decided to try anyway and provide the illusion of separation from God as a learning and discovery ground seeking to come to know more of its infinite nature.

God is in the 18 year old out trying to get laid. God was in my ice-cream binge. God is in my desire to write this morning. God is in you as you read this.

Here’s the secret though. The separation you feel between you and God isn’t real. It just needed to feel real enough for the experiment to work. What happens to infinite love when it ventures outside of itself, when it lets itself feel the wanting of something more than the most it already has?

We don’t actually know and neither does God, but desire was again found utterly unstoppable here. God couldn’t self discipline itself to stay inside of any kind of safe boundaries. Love left itself up to love. If love is anything, it is free of control. “But, how can that work” we all ask, including the part of me afraid of my next ice-cream binge?

How about this as a solution? What if instead of killing desire, what I actually need is to go deeper into desire? What is it that I really want? What did the ice cream represent that it was capable of representing but not fulfilling? It takes as many ice-cream binges as it takes to figure this out, and love itself can hold every one of them. Even self destruction is held in love, because every destruction cannot escape the love that you are and that you never ever actually left.

Bingo!

To kill desire, you’d have to kill God.The word for this is ‘deicide.’ That’s why suicide is so offensive, it’s actually deicide and suppressing desire is actually fighting God.

You can embrace the utter contentment that you are and bask in its fullness, just don’t think that you won’t have desires inside of that. It’s a crazy thing, but there isn’t any fulfillment in fulfillment in an infinite world. ‘Full’ isn’t ultimately real, only ‘full for now’ is real.

Love wants to explore through you and it can also feel you in this burden it thrust upon you of offloading it’s very desire nature into you. Like a crack addicted mother passing off its craving into an unborn fetus, it can be seen as a tragedy, or it can be seen as love itself being utterly and uncontrollably addicted to love.

We are in a love experiment. Nothing more or less. Even hatred is contained by love.

In SoulFullHeart, we offer a way to get to know and explore the many parts of ourselves or subpersonalities. Here is where your overall relationship to desire can be felt through. Here, we can begin to differentiate each part of us and their relationship to desire. Without this, we remain fused to this civil war of desire inside of us. Check out SoulFullHeartwayoflife.com for more.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information and Raphael’s facebook page for more writing. 

 

Coming To Terms With Our Light And Our Dark

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

denial-article

By Raphael Awen

Coming to terms with the fact that I am both light and dark may be the single most growthful thing for me this life.

Like the cruise ship that I just watched enter the bay in the predawn light, I just discovered something of monumental proportions about my life.

I’ve always had a love for God, a desire to be in awe, and in reverence. This is something known about myself and that others around me can attest to. It’s part of my light.

But in a recent flow of tension and feeling into it, I felt into an aspect of a part of me feeling entitled to have and know power. The 30 year long career I left 2 years ago was a lot about having a sense of power in the face of life’s powerlessness and indefinability. While most wouldn’t call me materialistic, there was something about the things that money could buy that afforded me (and still do) a way to assuage this pain of powerlessness. Feeling deeper into this need for power hidden in my shadow, I find something very different to the reverence for God that I’ve always known in my light. Underneath the entitlement and need for power is actually an impulse to dethrone God.

Surrender to a higher or greater power leaves part of me in some ‘lesser than’ place struggling to see it as any more than that. So where else would I, or part of me, place this competition with God, but to hide it in my shadow.

What a pretzel! To have both love and hate for God in the same vessel, to revere God on one hand and to need to dethrone God on the other.

The more I come to know (also a kind of quest for power), the more I must surrender to that I don’t know.

It feels to me like the Divine itself is learning the same lessons I am learning. It too has darkness and light. None of it is bad. All of it is a quest to feel, heal, learn and grow in the only true reality there is of infinite love.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Moving Beyond Self Consciousness Into Authenticity

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

meoctober19

By Jelelle Awen

While we were sipping wonderful margaritas and watching the sunset last night, we engaged in one of our meaningful conversations that happens almost every minute with us within our little community (woven in between having FUN!). I think I am still digesting it this morning and would like to share.

Sequoia has known me for almost twenty five years, we were previously married and divorced in 2001, and we co-raised a daughter together. For the last four years, I have been his facilitator and teacher and also, in many moments, we share a sacred friendship too. There is a lot of history there and he has known me through so many phases. With tears in his eyes, last night he offered that he is amazed at who I am now and who I am continuing to become.

He mentioned that he can feel the range that I can inhabit in the moment….from deep soul frequencies to joyful inner child to queen (and irritated control matriarch can still come through too!). And also that I don’t seem to have any self consciousness or self image when it comes to relating with others…not much ‘persona’ that I am putting on. I could feel his sincerity and love for me as he offered this and it touched me.

But, in another way, I couldn’t really get what he was seeing about me. This isn’t a deflection based in unworthiness. It has felt to me for awhile that we can’t really ‘see’ our most authentic self (or what we call our ‘SoulFullHeart Self’) because there is no self image related to it. It just IS US in our most unselfconscious expression.

Self consciousness comes from parts of us elevating us, positioning us, and doing ‘perception management’ strategies with others. These parts of us literally create versions of us to form fit in every environment and every situation. There can be many, many layers to this and it is quite craftily constructed, even in a small child it starts happening young!

After over ten years of work and negotiation with parts of myself who hold these frequencies, I feel that much of this self image has been deconstructed, let go of, felt, healed, moved beyond. So, in some ways, I cannot ‘see’ my most authentic self, yet I can certainly feel when and if love is transacting and if part of me is blocking it or not.

To be free from self consciousness is a wonderful gift and allows me to serve love so much more deeply to myself and others. I completely associate this result because of the process that I have engaged with through a previous path and also through SoulFullHeart to be with and know my subpersonalities. We offer that this state is called “SoulFullHeartenment” and isn’t an attainment, but more like something that just arises through the process of individuation, differentiation, and union with self, others, and the Divine.

If this stirs something in you and awakens a desire to experience life this way, we would be so honored to serve that in you. Please visit this page for more about what we offer: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

It’s Ok To Not Be Ok: Giving Yourself Permission to Feel

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

feeling-deeply_hands-face

By Jelelle Awen

I am sitting in the back seat of my parent’s car. I am looking out the window, my head turned away from the chaos in the front seat. I am looking out the window but I am not seeing any of the landscape. The tears that slide down my cheeks are silent. I have learned to cry without sound from many years of practice. I cannot completely numb my reactions to the tension, the negativity, and the hate that fills this car, that staggers from him and crawls from her. It has sharp teeth, harsh words, energy that cuts to the bone.

Part of me tries to protect me. Put up a shield. Put up a barrier. Create a bubble of light space around the growing girl. Tries to turn off the tap on the tears that flow from the pain of feeling like I do not belong. The craziness of feeling like this is not my family, cannot be my real family, not my soul family, not my family of heart. So eventually the tears go deep in, get buried, and my other feelings as well. And the part of me that protects my heart breathes a sigh of relief as a possible crisis of self revelation is avoided.

It starts so early, our conditioning to suppress our feelings, our emotional reality, and what our actual reactions to situations are in the moment. Through this conditioning and the pain of not being able to be real, we have to develop aspects of us that can fit in with the non-feeling environment around us. It is a necessary self defense mechanism. It just seems to happen so naturally and organically.

The message of, ‘It’s NOT ok to NOT be ok” is so strong in our culture. The conditioning around not expressing our feelings starts so young when children are first told not to have tantrums or to cry. Tantrums feel to me like releasing the unfelt emotional energy of the parents and the surroundings. We tantrum and then we reach a stage where, to get and keep love in the form of approval, we develop parts of us who become very good at suppressing what we are feeling. And parts of us who become very good too at form fitting our environment to not draw attention to ourselves and our vulnerability.

I described a scene above that encapsulates so much about why my defenses developed the way that they did. In my process through SoulFullHeart and previous subpersonality process work that I have done, I have ‘gone back’ to these moments of extreme hurt and pain through the aspects of me who became stuck there.

I sat in the car with the part of me that holds hurt and I felt her tears with her. I became the loving adult, heart filled with support and permission to feel, that she didn’t have at the time. And this version of me, no longer needing to be quiet or suppress her tears, could lean into this adult version of me. She could be felt and the pain from this moments and other moments like this could heal. And, I could become more current to myself.

To be able to go into places like this painful scene with parts of me has needed to be negotiated with the loyal and protective part of me. This has happened through a growing sense of trust that I will be able to ‘handle it and hold it’ and that it is safe to release it and feel it. Over time and development of our authentic self (or what we call the ‘SoulFullHeart Self’) protective parts of us begin to feel that they can relax their strong protection of us which can come in many different forms and energies. Through conscious negotiation with them, we can open our heart up more and let others in more deeply, also sharing ourselves more vulnerably and authentically. This leads to more experience of love transaction inside of ourselves and with others.

Through the SoulFullHeart work, you reach a place where you no longer really want to be around people who or in many environments where you can’t BE authentically with your feelings or express them in the moment. Or, you choose to stay home or go to a secluded spot in the woods…..somewhere you can feel yourself. It becomes the ultimate priority over ‘fitting in’. We have created a place and space inside and then as expressed in our community where it is truly OK to NOT be OK.

Sessions with us are just a practice ground for this dedication to yourself, to feeling, to being not OK if that is what is real, to be with the parts of you that resist feeling and why, and to be supported by someone else for it. And, eventually, this regular practice moves into and influences your choices in every day life in a natural and organic way where you are desiring to be authentic with those you are in relationship with and in whatever soul purpose-based vocation you are serving love through.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

 

Premise 4: You Are Made Up Of Many Subpersonalities Doing Life As A Singular “I”

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

innerchild

Today’s going to be a main course day and a look at an amazing parallel universe. Welcome to day four of the 21 Day SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.

Today’s premise is not only going to challenge traditional spiritualities and therapies, but a lot of modern ones as well. I say that up front in the hope that that draws you in rather than scares you off.

Eleven years ago now, I was at a place where I felt clearly done and bewildered with every spirituality I had ever encountered. I simply could not stomach the levels of denial and pretence that were inherent in the cultures I had been exposed to. This led to a deep search and ultimately to the creation of SoulFullHeart.

SoulFullHeart is a full meal and today’s premise takes us to the main course. I invite you to feel this premise deeply to feel if it is for you. All of the other premises are in support of today’s premise.

I’m really hungry to find those of you this resonates with and to help you cross over into this parallel universe. It’s simply too good to keep to myself, and I want the feeling of it expanding out into others hearts and lives. I feel clearly that what I’m sharing with you today is ahead of what any other spiritual and emotional healing practices have to offer. I know those words can sound superiorizing, but they are my truth. I would be dishonest to hide my conviction from you. Again, it is my hope that my claim excites you more than distances you.

However, I acknowledge that what I’m offering certainly won’t be welcomed by everyone and I feel that my outspoken clarity on what I feel SoulFullHeart is, does help people to sort out for themselves early on if they are drawn or not. I feel an urgency and I want to serve it. All that said, I’m really glad to have your interest, your inquiry, and your hearts desire finding its way. I sincerely hope you find my conviction about SoulFullHeart inviting rather than distancing. I deeply need and want others in my life.

Let’s dive into today’s premise.

Premise four is called the ‘Parts Reality Premise’ and it goes like this:

“Rather than just one singular “I” in charge of life, SoulFullHeart offers that we are made up of many parts or subpersonalities (both those in outed expression and those in shadow) formed primarily through undigested traumas that can be integrated and healed into an authentic, sacred human self called the SoulFullHeart Self.”

Jelelle and I have recently written a full article on this premise and I feel to refer you to that article for the complete teaching about the SoulFullHeart Subpersonalities Healing Process here.

I will go on then to speak here in this post to my personal life change since embracing this premise.

Let me see if I can feel back to the ‘I’ that led my life 11 years ago and channel his voice from that time:

“I feel myself to be really well adjusted to life and way happier than most people. I fell myself engaged, growing and in many ways content. I look for the life lessons in my problems and welcome the change that even crisis brings. I’m a family man in a long-term committed and fulfilling relationship. People around me look up to me in many ways, and rightly so, I do have a lot to offer.”

That was how one part of me, who was a deep outed expression of my life, saw and related to my life.

Now, let me see if I can channel the voice of another very different part of me also present at the same time and feel the contrast. This voice was way more subconscious and was only found through keen desire and choice, and the aid of a subpersonality facilitator and a process.

“Life totally sucks. There is no reason to live. Nothing ever works out. I hate God for putting me through this. It just fucking hurts like hell when I feel it, and then all there is, is to feel it some more. Life is so boring. People are so uninteresting, but then who am I to talk. I just want to fucking end this shit.”

What a surprise it was to find both of these voices were true inside of me, and the relationship they had to one another. One was very much outed and one was very much suppressed, but they were in a deep dance with one another, with no other me to show up for either of them to shift or mediate their realities.

When I got around more conscious people, my positive and outed personality leading my life had a tinny ring to it and was off-putting to them as inauthentic. When I hung around people who felt less conscious, this version of myself leading my ‘me show’ was well liked and even applauded.

It wasn’t actually until a few years prior to this time in my life that I had any conscious feeling of depression or grief in my life. I related respectfully to others who were depressed, but simply had no reference point for it in my awareness. I looked into some natural medication and went to a few counselling sessions, but mostly I was helped and relieved by taking it easier on myself, not hiding what I was going through, even finding some deep tears over an un-grieved loss of a romance from a relationship 19 years prior. “Okay, survived that pretty well, I’d say, I even feel more opened out to life, to smell the roses so to speak,” was again the voice of this part of me doing life as me.

That, however, did not touch what was really buried inside of me inside of my subconscious and in the shadow of my soul. In actuality, it served to bury it further. The ‘I’ leading my personality expression in life was a deeply strategic energy, seeking to gain what it knew as love and approval, and avoid rejection. This version of me was very busy doing everything it could to keep other subconscious parts of me from derailing the whole deal he had worked so hard to establish and maintain.

I know your story specifics are different than mine, but my truth is that the polarities inside of you are very, very similar.

I went on in my process to become deeply familiar with parts of myself……one, two, or even three parts at a time who held deep feelings of hurt, anxiety, rage, depression, control and shame, and then deeper to find deep core unworthiness and deep core disconnect. Maybe me naming these tones right now itself produces rumble in you calling you from your own vast, but unexplored being.

Given this dynamic, that all of us are made up of many subpersonalities, and each one of them is in a kind of suffering of their own, affecting every relationship to everything in your life….what could be of any more value than finding healing for each of them?
Left with our parts unexplored and unhealed, how much truly real and authentic expression are we even capable of? What is the tone of the love we seek and the love we give? What are the relational dynamics governing our romantic bonds, our relationship with our careers, with what we relate to as the divine, or God. The questing questions run deep.

You are in essence an authentic self, as you’ve seen and felt tastes and glimpses of in when you feel most like ‘yourself’ or ‘at your best’. But this authentic self, or what we call the SoulFullHeart Self, remains largely un-manifest in daily life and relationship transaction to the degree that parts of you remain in unadjusted suffering, whether in their dungeons or ivory towers. It’s all suffering.

SoulFullHeart offers a grounded way to support you to undertake an ongoing healing journey into this community of yourself and that then extends into a like-minded conscious community of others sharing the same path.

It’s hard to put into words the difference I feel inside of myself since I began the parts process path over a decade ago. I sometimes use the words that ‘you become in many ways unrecognizable to yourself’ as you deconstruct the many strategies held by parts of you to keep life safe. That feels very true to me today, and it never stops. You see, parts of me keeping life safe also closed me off from love in deep energetic gravitational pulls to keep the suffering in place. Parts of me were using suffering to stay stuck.

I’m gonna pause here for today and invite your questions. This is a lot to digest. If you’d like, I welcome your PM, or your questions in the comments below. And, again, this article on our website is very helpful for providing more teaching about the parts process.

And here are Jelelle’s, who is co-creator and facilitator of SoulFullHeart, comments about parts work:

Oh, wow, what can I say about parts or subpersonality healing? Between what you offer of your own experience, Raphael, and our article, a lot of ground is covered. The main feeling I have in the moment is complete and utter gratitude for having this tool brought to me in my life at a time, over 11 years ago, when so needed it. I KNOW that I would not be experiencing life in the tones of joy, magic, love, intimacy etc. that I do without it. The amazing thing is how natural it has been for me to identify voices and energies and tones in myself and then create a relationship with them.

And, in my experience, it is easy and natural for most people. I like to say that I have seen an eight year old identify parts of themselves and an 80 year old with the same level of ease….it is beyond age, beyond cultures and seems to be a universally human development that has been offered in psychology to some degree for 100 years. Seeing and using it as also a tool in spiritual awakening and enlightenment is the newer, cutting edge aspect, but then everything was ‘new’ and ‘cutting edge’ once!

Just this morning, I was meeting with a facilitant, feeling a new part of her emerging (that we call the Daemon or soul guardian), and once again, even all these years later after doing this work for years and serving others in it for years, I was struck anew by the absolute magic of it as she got to feel something in herself that she had NEVER known was there yet it was so TRUE to who she is at the same time. The access to your inner world, both in the heart and soul domains, that you get is so immediate and effective..without drugs, without hypnosis….ok, this brings up a lot of passion in me. I feel like it is THE missing piece in so many ways and once people get a taste of it, they usually feel the same way.

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are co-creators and facilitators of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Risking Everything For Love

Published on by Gabriel Heartman1 Comment

diving

¨You can risk everything for the sake of love, or risk nothing for the sake of everything else.¨ – words offered by the Divine Mother

In the process of growth and awakening there are moments when you reach precipices of difficult choices. Your heart feels undernourished. Your soul is unfulfilled.

You know deep down something needs to change. You need to change. You are outgrowing your current frequency of residence. But there is fear. Of course there is. A part of you has gotten used to that frequency. It knows how it functions. It knows the rules of the game and how to stay safe. It has spent a long time keeping you safe. It did so in the name of love, at least the only version of love it has ever known.

Yet something greater is pressing on you. Another frequency of love that is calling you. Drawing you. It is not forcing anything upon you. You are just remembering how big you really are…and what you really are. But there is fear.

You may ask yourself, ¨Who is this ¨me¨ that I am being called to be and desiring to be at the same time? How will those I relate to, that a part of me holds dear, resonate with this new version of me? What if they don´t see me and want to come with me?¨

This is the choice. Do you risk life as you know it for an unknowable mystery fueled by passion, exploration, and love? There is no guarantee of how it will all unfold. No guarantee you will not get hurt or experience pain. But if you risk for real Love, the love of self, intimacy (not co-dependency) with others, and your God self, you will be rewarded with a life of meaning and joy beyond what you experience right now. Beyond what a part of you ever thought possible in the old frequency.

Or you can risk nothing for the sake everything else. The deadness. The suffering. The fear of never being truly loved when all you are currently getting are crumbs. You may think you know what love is but I am telling we haven´t the faintest clue.

It is bigger than what our brains can interpret and bigger than what our hearts can let in. That is why we are ever hungry for more because we are more. Always more. Infinitely.

Love wants to know itself through you. But it needs you to risk, let go, and surrender to what you feel is true in your heart and soul. There is a choice and yet none at all.  One courageous step at a time.

Gabriel Heartman is a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

SoulFullHeart Subpersonalities Healing Process Video Part One

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

New video with Raphael and Jelelle Awen, co-creators and facilitators of the SoulFullHeart Way Of life, sharing about the awakening process that they offer and specifically how they work with subpersonalities, the ‘inner family’ to differentiate our personas or false self to arise into our authentic self or Divine self….part one! You can watch other videos on the SoulFullHeart Experience Channel.

Letting Go of My Roots to Experience My Wings

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

roots

 By Leena Colibri

In some ways I feel like I am learning to fly, perhaps really for the first time in my life. I have been releasing what has been encumbering me for years…the roots of so much wounding that begins in different sources, and the roots of many long-held belief systems that have informed all of my life decisions.

Even this morning when trying to meditate I felt in my body a heavy weight. With so much going on in the content of my life this past week, it has been difficult to reach for the air of context at times. Yet the feeling in my body and heart this morning was palpable. It feels to me like another piece of my process with Kathleen…a part of me that holds my birth name and has done life as me until recently. It has been difficult at times to feel anything other than her, which is understandable since I am asking her to let go of so much in a very short window of time. In a way it has been a years-long process of letting go, or at least getting ready to…but there is another level of existence that I want to inhabit in my life now that is more positive and as done with self-punishment as it can be. I am getting ready to let in more love and actually, I am letting in more love every day, despite Kathleen’s filters. There is only so much that can go in when I have defences up in the form of doubts and negative thought patterns about myself.

Over the last few months I have been working intensely on noticing my negative thought patterns. This, in a way, seems like it is Spiritual Kindergarten to do so, but until now I just never felt so driven to go in and notice these patterns the way I am now, despite years of seeking. I feel this has to do with my level of self-love rising and that my desire for more self-love is at the wheel. I feel Kathleen can feel that and is learning how to lean into that more as we live out each moment of our life together. She has so many questions about who she is without these ingrained habits and ways of being. I get that and I hold with her the tension of it. At times it is like birth pains as I hold her hand and she aches with the tremors of letting go. She doesn’t want to run life anymore yet she has an attachment to doing so. This is what I am working on with her now.

When I talk about my roots and letting go of them, what I mean is I am letting go (and helping Kathleen let go) of the ways in which she has been in life. This includes all conditioning from birth family and the culture I grew up in, as well as all of the self-made rules of “how to be”. So much conditioning begins when we are children and a lot of it is subconscious while only a percentage of it is conscious – we learn directly and indirectly through punishments, energetic responses/reactions, rewards, and how our traumas are treated by those with authority over us. It is clear to me that even though my family may not have consciously intended to teach me how to find a flaw in even the brightest day, they still managed over countless instances to ingrain such programming inside me. The culture I grew up in in Canada had its own way of teaching me how to live life and what success meant. Some of these pieces were reiterated by family and others were negated. Pieces like how a woman’s body should look, for instance, has been a painful one for me to process and work through and now I am finally learning how to love my body through changes and not punish myself into losing weight. I am learning quickly that there is always a more self-loving way in which to do things and make positive life changes without having to walk through chaos or self-punishment.

And so my uprooting continues. The swings of feeling good and feeling down or heavy are moving through me as I embrace life in a new way. I am reaching a new stratum of my own sense of spirituality and what it means to be a vessel for love. I am enjoying giving and receiving love in a new way, starting with myself and overflowing to my relationship with the Divine and with those closest to me. I am even enjoying giving and receiving love with people I have met only over Facebook via the SoulFullHeart Circle group that was started about a week or two ago. It is amazing what has moved for Kathleen and I, just to feel my heart open up to let in more love and care that way. I am floored by even my own capacity to give love, let alone receive it.

I am continuing to walk out this new chapter with holding and feeling Kathleen and experiencing my expanding capacity to be with myself and others in this new way. Maybe you will meet me there? 🙂

Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more.

A Woman’s Worth

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

 

IMG_2720

By Jelelle Awen

I am worthy just as I am.

I am worthy no matter what is in my bank account or how others perceive me.

I am worth all that I desire that comes from a place of authentic longing.

I am worth love and to be loved.

I am worth experiencing passion in my relationships and especially with my mate.

I am worth being treated with respect and reverence.

I am worth claiming my birthright as a sacred human child of the Divine.

I am worth growing, breathing, and inhabiting life on this earthly dimension.

I am worth feeling wanted and wanting others in return.

I am worthy of these things and……so are you.

These are not just positive affirmations. This is how I experience life most of the time. It has taken many tears, many tough choices, and much healing to feel this way about myself. It has taken saying ‘no’ to things which didn’t serve my worth or my sense of it. It has taken reclaiming a relationship with the Divine after spending much of my life claiming to be agnostic. It has taken serving others, especially women, to get to know and heal the part of them that holds unworthiness.

A woman recently said to me with tears in her eyes and an ache in her heart, “I don’t feel worthy,” when I presented her with a picture of passionate relationship. This moment of vulnerability being shared with me touched me and I could feel, indeed, the part of her that doesn’t feel worthy of what her soul and heart aches to experience. I don’t know all the reasons why this part of her feels this way but I am very familiar with the texture of unworthiness as I have felt it myself all of my life.

I believe that we all have a part of us that feels unworthy. It is usually buried in the shadows under another part, a more strategic and outbound part of us that covers over this very tender feeling with frequencies of false humility, confidence, even arrogance. Arrogance is always about a part who is trying to protect the feelings of being unworthy under neath. In my experience, getting to know and connect with the protector of the unworthiness first is what allows it to eventually come forward. Unworthiness (like many shadow aspects) is often more visceral, emotional, and non-verbal. It is stomach churning feelings of yuck about ourselves. It is the sense that we are not worth anything and never will be. I remember gut-wrenching sobbing as my unworthiness unfurled itself to be felt by a parts facilitator and the Divine. It was very challenging to feel this and to share it with someone else but I am so very glad that I did.

My heart hurts for the unfelt unworthiness parts inside of so many people. As I have felt this aspect of myself, it has healed to a sense of innate goodness about myself. Unconditional and mostly unfaltering. Working with this aspect has allowed me to set boundaries with people when I’ve needed to, when it doesn’t serve my goodness to be in relationship with them. At times, I still have a part of me that struggles with ‘rejection’ and can still feel unworthy related to that, especially when it concerns my writing or SoulFullHeart. I imagine that this aspect is something that I will be feeling and healing for the rest of my life.

The message that I have been able to let in from the Divine more and more is that I am worthy to experience love and that, actually, I am Infinite Love. It can be very challenging to claim a life based in self worth yet the rewards of feeling your own goodness alive in your life are so worth it. As are you…

~

Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book,Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.