Tag: shame

Healing Inner Punishment Through Currency and Love

Published on by Raianna ShaiLeave a comment

By Raianna Shai

Something has been shifting deep within me to a place I haven’t quite reached yet before. I’ve always struggled to access and allow the parts of me that have opinions, reactions or feelings that are judged inside of me. They were invalidated as too much, unnecessary, unfair, harsh, immature, unimportant and anything else you can imagine.

I’ve been working with this part of me called the Ursula who is very matriarchal and has been deeply hijacked by the matrix. On the other side of the coin is my inner punisher who shows up as a dark cloud to instil this feeling of dread, foreboding and shame. Their names are Octavia and Nimbus.

I first started connecting to Octavia, many months ago but much deeper the last few weeks, and realized that she was a large source of my power, discernment and truth as a woman. She would feel opinions or reactions to things and Nimbus would shut them down immediately and go straight to the logical and more docile response. For example, if someone said something to hurt my feelings and Octavia had a reaction to it, then Nimbus would set those feelings aside and jump to the knowing that “They didn’t mean it that way” or that “It came from a certain part of them for a reason”.

Now I’ve finally let in the fact that this strategy doesn’t allow for Octavia to be felt and often she is feeling something very valid and useful for the other person to hear. Allowing her to share her reaction would bring me a greater understanding of myself and of the other person. It would bring us closer and drop any walls that might still linger between us. But this was far too intimate and could lead to hurt in Nimbus’s eyes.

Over the last few weeks I’ve finally felt ready to release Octavia from this bind and let her speak her heart and mind when she needs to. I’ve shared some (albeit small but current) reactions with some of my beloveds in this community and honestly it couldn’t have gone better.

With Bianca we were able to understand each other on a deeper level and learn more about ourselves and the ways we have operated throughout our lives. With Kasha I was able to uncover a habit of mine that kept me from connecting with others more deeply. We ended up having deep tears about how much we love each other and how much we have been through together.

Each experience allowed me to validate whatever Octavia was feeling no matter how small or “trivial” it might be judged as. Every reaction has a purpose whether it’s to understand more about yourself or to become more intimate with others. I finally understand what it feels like to be current and not hold back in the name of being polite, nice or easygoing. Those are all ideals that have kept me small and in a box of my own creation, not allowing all the flavours and colours of my being to show up and be seen.

Ever since this started I’ve felt this existential change in my being. Last night I imagined it like all my molecules have been thrown up in the air and are coming back down in a new arrangement. I am being changed by this and I can see and feel it in a way I never have before. I am claiming all that I deserve to feel inside and out and giving all the love I can give – inside and out.

Hopefully this sparks an inspiration in you to feel the parts of you that are judging any reactions you have and are preventing you from being current with those around you. Love is current and currency is love. ♥️

Raianna Shai
Soulfullheart Experience

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

From Self-Created Smallness To Embodying Your Vastness

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

The pain can come from being small. From learning to act small and conform to the smallness around you. The suffering comes from their projection of smallness onto you and the acceptance of this that then becomes your reality….and theirs too. It is a co-created agreement to be and remain in smallness.

The smallness is the 3D agreement of filtering. It makes up the veil of amnesia and the belief in it keeps the veil in place. The pain comes from the long term fusion to this sense of smallness as the truth of who you are. It comes from the forgetting of the truth of your VASTNESS.

Parts of you form to support this smallness picture. These parts of you repeat the message of it over and over in self punishing tones and voices. The unworthiness message battles your body, your emotions, your spirituality, your choices….whatever can be picked on or is vulnerable to attack.

This punishing frequency forms layers of protection and guardedness over your innocence. Your innocence becomes covered over with shame and feelings of wrongness. Your trust in life and yourself gets layered over with distrust. Your sense of goodness about yourself becomes buried over with unworthiness and self hate.

These parts of you feel then that they ARE unworthy, are shameful, are wrong by their very nature. So much suffering in this usually unconscious looping of the punisher part and the corresponding reactions of shame in the younger parts of you. This is a well oiled and fuelled system inside designed to keep you small, created to cap your growth, and reinforced to maintain itself. It is designed to keep you protected, even if it is limiting.

There is not some evil force of aliens or demons or negative entities or abusive spiritual teacher that keep this personal hell in manifest form from within you. This is not being done to you BY others, even as it can very much feel that way. The others in your life that reflect and reinforce this smallness picture are there only to offer you a reflection of this inner polarized state for it continue to come into your awareness….over and over again if necessary until you wake to it as being sourced from INSIDE of you.

This is a self created smallness that your soul chose for good reason….until it is the time and phase to complete it. Only you can realize when that time is and only you can end it.

You end it by bringing love to all the parts of you that have felt so unworthy, including the parts of you that punish, judge, attack, and shame you and others. You separate from these parts in order to have a relationship with them and not just become them in their routinized reactions.

This creates an increasing sense of your goodness, of your worthiness and….of your vastness. This inner ambassadorship to all frequencies inside of your BEing connects you to the truth of your bigness again. To your innate goodness again. To your innocence again.

Who ARE you? You ARE Infinite Love in human form….arising into your bigness expression for the service of and because of love. Any picture less than that is ripe to be loved into this infinite love realized manifestation state again.

Welcome back to the VASTNESS of you….love can show the way!! ~

Message from the Divine, Star Family Guides/Aspects, Angelic Aspects, ALL of your parts that ache for something NEW that is based in love……..

*****

Jelelle Awen is a Divine Feminine Love Ambassador and Co-Creator/Teacher/Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group calls, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheart.org

Pedogate: Reconciling Our Deepest Darkness

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

There’s no greater crime imaginable to us than the sexual abuse, rape and torture of innocent children, and then when you add in that it’s an interwoven part of governmental and religious power structures on top of all that, it’s completely insane.

It’s so off the charts that it elicits the strongest of our right/wrong reactions where we want justice, we want punishment. We want the ‘perpetrator’ to be ‘paid back’ and made to feel the horror they caused by their actions.

In all of this however, we are caught up in the same punisher-shame cycle that created the abhorrent behaviour. Pedophilia, along with the abuse of power, is not created in a vacuum, and it won’t be resolved in a vacuum. It’s going to take many more of us to open our hearts to really feel what’s going on here and why to shift this reality.

The behaviour is not okay and it needs to stop, but all the punishment and shaming energy that we project onto the perpetrators only serves to insure the underlying problem is left intact, leaving more children to suffer, while we rage at the insanity of it.

If a sinner can balance the scales through penitence and remorse, and paying society back, or paying God back, then the account is settled. …right? Wrong!

What the universe is now asking us to feel is how everything from swatting a fly, to ‘raising’ a pig in a meat factory, to grooming young children for sexual abuse and torture is all something we are being asked to raise our consciousness about. It is the taking of life without feeling is what is not okay. Feigning care when there is no care is what is not okay. Love is what is offended here.

But, the reason we are disinclined from feeling this, is that when you do open your heart to how much we crave and need love, we come to weep deep tears for not just the acts of the nastiest outright abuse, but for harsh words and edgy sarcasm, and missed opportunities that all are offenses to the reality of love, that we experienced and perpetrated. We come to see that any offense to the immensity of love cannot be graded, or even begun to be ‘paid back’.

There’s a deep penitence that we are all afraid of feeling, that it will somehow consume us and leave us no more and so we seek to escape this by finding a worse offender to project out onto.

We are being invited to feel what it feels like to be denied love and to feel what it feels like also to be the denier of love. There really isn’t a separation here. Love is equally offended.

This is the only place where any true change (I can’t bring myself to use that soiled word ‘rehabilitation’) happens.

What if all this 3D reality of this heightened duality is all something we set up to rediscover what love is and isn’t? We needed the backdrop of extremes, and of gradients, of things so horrible as pedophilia, a beautiful word meaning the love of children, turned on its head, to mean the opposite.

We created this reality and it is ours now to un-create and recreate, if we’ve gotten what we needed to get from it.

If we leave the domain of 3D perceived reality, we can feel parts of ourselves in other lifetimes who have played the perpetrator. The ones we are seeking the resolution for is ourselves, collectively and personally.

Now, we are about to dial up the public awareness of our greatest and most unimaginable sins thrown in our face as a society and what an opportunity this will be to truly shift the pain and horror to its intended purpose and awakening!

We are wanting to find a new ground based in real love for the society of self and the society of others, where we truly are all one. If one of us comes free, we all come free. If one of us suffers, we all suffer.

Only here will there be a true payback for the unimaginable suffering of innocent children offered up on the altar of us all discovering our essence in and of love, from the worst of us to the best of us.

(Audio of this blog can be found here: https://youtu.be/6GBk31A_Dl4)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

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