Tag: Divine Connection

Premise 2: Mature the ego and experience Oneness

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

soulfullheartenment

Welcome to day two of our 21 day Magical Mystery Tour of the SoulFullHeart Premises. Today promises to be a big day in premises as we’re exploring our second premise.

‘Why are you offering premises, though?’ you may ask.

Every spiritual or healing practice is premised upon a specific worldview about the nature of things. This worldview dictates what happens and how it happens or doesn’t. It may seem like a mental engagement at first, but for those with a keen eye and heart for what they really want and need, nothing sorts out a choice point like considering the premises of a given healing offering.

When premises are not clearly laid out and available for all participants to consider as they get involved with a group, it all too often leaves them falling prey to conforming to the groups identity out of a codependent and understandable need to belong, rather than choosing to be a part of a community because it lights up your heart and soul growth like no other.

If you’ve been deeply involved in a group or community in the past that failed as a community or simply failed to hold your interest and engagement, I invite you to weigh every single SoulFullHeart premise in these 21 days together and ask yourself, ‘If I ever did join back in with a group again, what would they need to embody for me to get involved?’

SoulFullHeart may not end up being your choice or even what’s right for you, but you will have moved your souls healing path hugely forward by giving your attention to the importance of premises. Premises are what the foundation is to the house.

Ready to go?

Here is the second SoulFullHeart premise:

“SoulFullHeartenment is an awakening state of consciousness involving the paradoxical processes of individuation or ego maturation while healing the illusion of the separate self leading to a deepening sense of union with self, others, and God/The Divine.”

Another mouthful, right? Let’s sort it out and I think you’ll get from this what you are meant to. These are pregnant words carrying a lot of energy and you can have very different experiences of them at different moments. Likewise, me putting more words around them can go in different directions on different days.

Let’s start with the word ‘SoulFullHeartenment.’ We made up this word to carry an energy specific to the result of undergoing the SoulFullHeart healing process. SoulFullHeart is a path of simultaneously healing both soul and heart wounding, or as Jelelle likes to say, ‘healing from our roots and our wings.’ One is not preferred over the other nor is one used to minimize the other.

We feel that where heart wounding is not adequately explored and healed, all of our exploration into soul domains and non-dual states, or simply a healing therapy, are largely a medicative reality for the untouched heart wounding. However, where the personhood ground of the heart is explored and healed, the doorways into soul domains and non-dual awakening are far more natural and effortless portals into our authentic self expression.

‘SoulFullHeart-enment’ then is this place of never ending movement into ever deepening human expressions of our essence as Infinite Love, in both heart and soul frequencies. It’s not a state of attainment, but more likened to living in a parallel universe where it’s your native place of residence from the moment of choosing this inclusive path. All claims of ‘progress’ are surrendered to simply not having any way of measuring anything in an infinite reality. Progress, for what it’s worth, is simply being on the path.

It’s much like trying to describe to others a totally mind blowing sexual experience. It’s obviously new to you, and has you all aglow, but try as you may, there’s no way to quantify what you had. All you can do is claim ‘more than’ in comparison to what you had before. It seems to be one of the few areas that a government bureaucracy hasn’t ever been able to regulate, measure, and tax because it is so immeasurable and so uncontrollable.

Let’s go on now to this piece about ‘an awakening state of consciousness.’ We see that when souls enter a human life, they are largely surrendering to falling asleep and mostly forgetting their true identity and their intentions for their soul healing mission in a given life. It is this ‘having our hands tied behind our back’ in relation to our awakening that calls us from our very depths to forge a deep resolve and choice sufficient to cast off our pre-chosen slumber.

Many are not meant (from their own sovereignty) to awaken this life and instead are working their healing path through staying asleep. One is of no more intrinsic value than the other, and both are God expressions. If you are a soul that has chosen to awaken this life, you are enabled to do this by way of comparative difference, and choosing amongst options and your personal power to act on those choices. It is in this very real human drama setting that your epic healing story occurs.

This awakening consciousness unfolding has a powerful paradox, however, at its root, and two at first seemingly ‘at odds’ vectors. In SoulFullHeart’s picture, they are powerfully, perfectly and inextricably one.

One is your path of individuation. This is the path of coming to terms with being a distinct and defined self, an embodied sovereign human, with boundaries and power to decide, decree, and declare what goes on and doesn’t go on within your borders. And you can’t do any of that without an ego. Ego is seen simply as your centre of awareness and there are no judgments against the ego as being the source of all suffering and pain as taught in so many spiritual practices and traditions.

We feel rather that it is about what our egos are currently attached to, and the relative health or unhealthy nature of those ego attachments that are at issue. However, to remove the ego is to render a person non existent. The premise that ‘self is bad’ is the underground root conviction of these teachings, stemming from undiscovered and unhealed unworthiness at the core of the personal and collective being. You can’t express or have experience as a human without ego and without a persona to conduct life. Some face has to show up for the party.

Doesn’t that all by itself just take a ton of pressure off in relation to all the bullshit you had heaped on you about trying to rid yourself of ego?

Now, if your ego is currently attached to Nascar, beer and high fives, you and I aren’t going to have much ego resonance, but rest assured, you’ll be able to find plenty of others with all the ego resonance you need to find enough community and work your healing path in the way that you are, regardless of my judgments about the unconscious nature of your journey.

I’ll have to take my judgments, along with my ego and be on my way seeking resonance around what my ego is currently attached to. And when we’re all said and done, there will be plenty of time to debrief and compare notes with one another and, I’m sure, both learn from each other, over a beer even.

But, it’s about maturing the ego, not obliterating the ego.

You are an individual. The definition of that word contains a deep explanation of how we see the self. In-divi-dual translates out to ‘a duality (dual nature or two-ness) that cannot be divided. You are an inseparable expression of both being utterly distinct and indistinct from everyone else around you. Both are true and it’s only when both are seen and held as true that a healthy relationship with life can unfold inside of you.

All the goodies of individuation are yours, like sex and buying shoes and having a personality. So are all the goodies of being all wrapped up in Oneness, utterly inseparable from All That Is. You already are completely non-dual awakened in this way with the only thing you are working on is becoming more and more conscious of this preexisting fact regarding the true nature of your being. And you don’t have to kill the ego to attain anything.

Forget attainment……It’s tiring and the source of a ton of suffering, control, and superiorizing. Instead, if you need work at something, do like Jesus said and ‘labour to enter into rest’….do your own personal healing that will allow you to let in the spring-loaded essence that you already are, but is yet unmanifest in daily expression.

So, where does all of this take you, then? It takes you to ever deepening union with self, others and the Divine. Union with all of self begins in SoulFullHeart as the crucial getting to know, feeling and healing of our subpersonalities, who hold our this life and past life wounding. This leads the way to true and alive relationality with others and the Divine….all of which are paradoxically one and inseparable from the self at the same time. A relationship by definition requires an other to relate with. It’s a bit crazy making to begin to feel into, that we are both ‘other’ and ‘not other’ simultaneously, but ultimately it is the path to true sanity, because it is in alignment with What Is.

Trying to describe this in words is like the difference in sex between genital friction, as in the clinical word ‘coitus’, compared to a heart, soul and total body having a connection that is so deeply a personal and a transpersonal experience at the same time, where the afterglow goes into infinity and words fall hopelessly short of description.

We are wired in our essence to fire on these cylinders in all the dimensions of our being. We use the phrase ‘Self, Others, and The Divine’ a lot to highlight the essential growth tracks of our relationality. Our personal relationality is founded on the interrelationship of self, other and the Divine. We separate what cannot be separated in order to provide a relational space in order to come back to the utter Oneness and inseparability that we are.
Pretty cool, huh?

I know today’s premise discussion opens out a lot of questions about things we touched on today like subpersonalities, the nature of reality, God, dual and nondual, etc., and I wanted to let you know that these are all coming up as separate premises right around the corner.

Thank you for being on day two of this tour. See you tomorrow sometime after sun up for day three.

I’d really like to know you are on board for this journey, so I welcome your comments and questions.

Please visit our website at soulfullheartwayoflife.com for a listing of all the premises and more information.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

It’s All Divine And Personal Play

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

divineplay

My spiritual seeking took a major chill pill the more I realized that I am already in full possession of everything there is to attain. All that’s left is simply playing with it all, and when I get tired, I curl up under a tree and take another nap.

If this sounds different from your experience, I get it. It is very different from how I’ve lived my life on a whole bunch of levels for a long, long time, in a whole bunch of settings.

If this sounds to be to good to be true, as in ‘how can there be improvement without work?’, all I can say is that if you feel this with your heart, you can verify this to be true for yourself. You don’t actually need me to convince you of this.

Which brings up the issue of spiritual abuse and the wake of all the spiritual paths you were once a part of. Every spiritual abuse that’s ever occurred to you happened to you because you were somehow convinced that some one or something possessed something you didn’t, that ‘they’ were somehow more than you.

Don’t be too hard on yourself though, we’ve all done this, and will keep doing it till we’re done with it. We’ve all played small with our bigness out of the sheer fear of who and what we actually fully know that we really are.

You possess right now all there is to possess. You will never become more enlightened than you are. All that’s left is for you to awaken to this fact and all that remains is play.

Your total experience is real and it’s personal. It’s all loaded for meaning and purpose. Don’t believe the shit sellers who preyed on your previous ignorance. You matter. You rock. It might well be made up, of course it is! Hello…it’s all play, people.

Get it? It’s all divine and personal play, and you’re all up in it.

As your life is right now, where it’s moving, what it’s wrestling with. Epic changes. Subtle changes. Love it for the heaven that it is and is becoming. The play ground is infinite, so that basically means you’re never done, while at the same time you can never be more complete than you already are. Your mind might choke a bit on this, but your heart just basks in it.

If it all doesn’t feel like play 5 minutes from now, that’s to be expected. You’ve lived a long time in a parallel universe where almost no one is at play any more past the age of about 5.

The question we’re left with then goes something like this. What stands in the way of you returning to play, and how could you respond to that….but all inside of play?

I gotta go now, I’ve got a life to go play.

Let me know if you wanna play together sometime.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Seek And Ye Shall Find You

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

cliff-jump

I know you’re out looking for something.

You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. The same is true for me.

I have an answer for you today. And that answer is that I am not your answer. Your answer is YOU. If I am anything to you, I can only serve as a reflection to you of you. If you are anything to me, you can only serve as a reflection of me to me.

The something you are out seeking today is you. The something I am out seeking today is me.

I happen to know that you are seeking the fulfillment of your being in all of its aspects. You want to learn, to grow, to find meaning, to have purpose and passion in your life, and to share all of it in meaningful connection with yourself, with others and with the divine.

Why be here and why ‘do’ here if not for these things?

All of life is arrayed to help you find these things. You already have them, but admittedly, they aren’t your experience as much as you’d like them to be. Hence, you dare to desire, you dare to be out seeking. You dare to look to an other even.

But I can do absolutely nothing for you unless you are out to help yourself. In fact, if you make me your source, while refusing to be your own source, the result can only be abuse of each other.

You are the light of the world. You, as you are now, with your desires for growth and change, with your pains and wounds that you don’t let anyone see.

Love wants in to your defended and seeking heart. Love wants to bring you new reflectors of your essence. Love wants to invite you out to risk again.

Take this light that you are shine it into the world of your desire, your aches and your longings. Let love meet you, embrace you, hold you, reassure you.

Will you?

I know you’re out looking for something…

Seek and ye shall find.

Let nothing stop you. Be radical! Your life depends on it.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

How To Energetically Clean A Home, Website, and Any Space

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

 

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Do you notice how you are drawn to certain spaces and repelled by others? They could be nearly identical in décor and location, but the energy within them either repeals you or draws you in.

Why are some restaurants full of people and another one with equal quality of food and location sits empty? The energy inside the restaurant that is projected by the people who work there and the customers either draws people in or it pushes them away. Why do some places just give off ‘bad’ energy and others seem like a beacon of good energy?

We are all sensitive to energy, whether we are conscious of it or not, because we are all made up of energy and are not actual solid matter even though our very narrow of visible light spectrum reflects us as being solid. If we could widen our spectrum of visible light, we would see that we are made up of tendrils or tentacles of mostly white energy that look similar to fiber optic cables.

Since we are made up energy this means that the energy contained in spaces, and that includes virtual places such as websites, deeply impacts us. Usually this is an unconscious or subconscious reaction, although for those of us who have ‘woken up’ to our energy sensitivity, we are very aware of this and track it carefully. We avoid places that don’t feel energetically good to us and move toward those that do. We also transform spaces by clearing and cleaning out old energy and keep them cleaned out on a regular basis.

I became aware of my energetic sensitivity to spaces many years ago and since then, I have consciously interacted with the spaces that I live in and visit on an energetic level. We recently moved into a new apartment and the previous tenant was someone who seemed desperate for money and would lie and manipulate to get what he wanted. When we went to ‘see’ the apartment, it was difficult to feel that it was desirable even though it had features that we wanted, because this person’s energy filled the whole space. Most people would have walked away from it because of the energy that occupied it. I could feel that it was going to require a few days of concentrated effort to clear the space but that the ‘bones’ of it were exactly what we wanted. Beyond the decorative changes that we plan to make (new paint, beautiful things on the wall, plants), I knew that it was the energetic cleaning of the space that would make the most difference in its livability and desirability.

Energetically cleaning your house, space you are visiting, or even websites that you visit or run is not difficult at all. The first step is becoming conscious of how energy affects you in these spaces. What does ‘good energy’ feel like to you and what places represent that? What does ‘negative energy’ feel like to you and what places represent that? Certainly if you are a non-violent vegan then visiting a butcher’s shop or a website about meat would not hold good energy for you. You would probably consciously avoid things like this but, sometimes, we are subconsciously being drawn or repealed by energy and aren’t aware of it. Bringing it into our awareness is the first step.

Then, engaging in a simple visualization during meditation can move the negative energy out and clear the space. If it is your home, visualize a white glowing orb of energy in each corner of your house. Activate the orb with energy that you pull from the white energy that is all around you at all times. Move it through your seventh or crown chakra and pulse it into the orbs. Visualize the orbs collecting all the gray or black energy in the space and then shooting it up and out into outer space. Or you can imagine the orbs with grounding cords connecting to the core of the earth and the negative energy is moving out of them.

Engage in this visualization process every morning for the space that you live in and especially in the space that you work in every day. A big aspect of the antsy feeling that we get at the end of a work week (especially if we work in a building with florescent lighting in cubicles) is because of the accumulated energy that has built up and is being off gassed by people all the time. Most people are completely unaware of the energy that they give off in person and especially through email, facebook, or other virtual communication. People who are conscious of their energy then ‘take care’ of their energy every day through cleansing it in their chakras. I share here a simple cleaning and protection meditation for chakras.

Using sage or other cleansing herb can be very helpful in moving energy out of a space. Here in Mexico, there is a wonderful product called Copal, that is resin from a tree, and burning it or sage regularly can make a big difference. You can take the stick of incense or sage stick and wave it around the room, visualizing as you do the smoke moving the energy out of the room with it. You can combine the white orb visualization and the cleansing smoke one if you want.

When you go into a public place or visit someone’s house and you want to clean the energy, just visualize (even with your eyes open) a white tornado swirling around the room, swooping up all the dark energies, and then moving away with them. You can do this in seconds without anyone even noticing and it can make a big difference to how much you enjoy yourself. I especially do this if I am entering a busy public store (such as a grocery store), public transporation, or a restaurant and especially if I can feel that the space has never been energetically cleaned by anyone.

The same approach applies with any website or facebook page that you are visiting online. Most pages have never been energetically cleaned because most people don’t think of them as places even though they are as real as physical places. I think of websites and facebook timelines as being the same as visiting the room of someone’s house. I am very particular about which website pages that I visit for this reason as the energy can linger for awhile even if I clean it first. To clean a website, visualize a white energy swirl moving through every page of the website and every post on the facebook page. This can be a fast and efficient swirl that collects the accumulated energy and deposits it away.

I clean my facebook page and the SoulFullHeart website and this blog nearly every day. We get positive comments from people about the good energy of our websites and facebook pages and I think this is one of the reasons why. Remember that every person who has taken in your posts or websites has had an emotional reaction (usually subconscious) of some kind to them which off gases as an energetic response. Even if they are mostly positive, this still builds up over time and can make it ‘very crowded’ in a virtual space. The worst feeling websites to me are those that draw a lot of comments from the general public about topics that are highly charged such as politics, religion, etc. Parts of people can be cruel, aggressive, and very ‘kicking’ in these forums and usually no one has cleaned out this energy and so it draws more of the same.

I want to finish this with some signs for you to start tracking in yourself so that you can become more conscious of how energy in spaces is impacting you. We often manifest energetic reactions in our physical bodies since it is our etheric or subtle body (including our chakras) which is actually most interfacing with our external environment. Body reactions such as headaches, light headedness, allergies, cold or flu symptoms, and nausea can indicate that we have been impacted by negative energies. Headaches in particular can mean this as it is the third eye or sixth chakra and the pineal gland that is so sensitive to energies.

Tracking our reactions to energies and being conscious about cleaning the energy of spaces that you live and visit allows us to be much more consciously discerning about the energies that we want to be around because we don’t want to have to do a bunch of clearing! Doing this regularly can clear up our capacity to let in the joy, goodness, and love all around us.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

 

Afterglow Of Our Tears: Feel, love, and heal

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

hearthearth

Upstream of the negativity, we find our deepest fears, our un-manifest soul longings, and our regrets as well as our remorse, that will need to be brought out into the light of day and into the hearth of your heart for any epic change to occur to the flow of the magic in your life.

Lately, I’ve been feeling retracing some steps into a career thing of the past, and have been faced with some fears of simply repeating the past as opposed to inhabiting a new place and way of being inside of myself that is a much deeper manifestation of my true soul power. In my quandary, I feel a guidance coming from an angel connection that I envision.

The Angel’s name is Marcel, and these are the words and feeling tones he presses upon me and offers me to feel as well as to share as a new reality offering to live into:

There is never actually a lacking magic or power in your life. There is never the absence of the largesse of your being in your life. You will not one day learn how to be or do something more or differently than you presently are and then have a more fulfilling life or more magical life.

Your power and largesse of your magnificent being is here and fully present right now. This potent power may well be in subconscious service to your fears and staying small, but the power, your power is not absent or un-manifest, or lacking.

A powerful magic is currently directing, leading and populating your life as you know it right now.

The only thing that can bring true and deep change in your life is you awakening to and taking responsibility for this present power and magic of yours….making it conscious. Only then can you place your power in service of living into your bigness instead of your smallness.

When you make this choice, you will face directly the conditioning, the fears, the pain that underlies the current or past configuration of your not so magical feeling life. For this reason, most have not yet found the courage to embrace their power. However, facing and feeling and healing these ‘negatives,’ is the only way to the life you seek and desire.

Humankind moved in the direction of the solution to identify positive thinking as an answer, and to recognize the power of negativity, but has largely yet to look at what underlies the negativity. Here, upstream of the negativity, we find our deepest fears, our un-manifest soul longings, and our regrets as well as our remorse, that will need to be brought out into the light of day and into the hearth of your heart for any epic change to occur to the flow of the magic in your life.

When, and as this happens, everything changes. Nothing can stay the same, for the power holding an old configuration in your life has been fundamentally and irrevocably changed.

Feel your desire for these changes. Allow to come up to be felt every feeling energy that opposes this desire. Feel it, love it and heal it. This is not anything like cycling in a suffering loop of negativity. This is the bridge you must cross, that most aren’t yet willing to cross, out of the fear of their own manifest bigness.

Ask for help. Feel the divine feel you as you feel and heal all there is to feel. Let the dam of your tears break out. Feel the fear of never changing, of remaining stuck, of remaining un-manifest, of not showing up for your life. Don’t leave a single tear unshed.

Now, in the afterglow of your tears, there is an unmistakeable grounding and support – your always present magic, but now manifesting an entirely new arising world and universe.

You are now entering a parallel universe that is nothing less than your deepest dreams and desires arising into life as you never knew it before.

If these words resonate for you, I’d love to feel what you are feeling as you resonate. Say something! Claim something for yourself. I’d like to help you in any way I can if you are ready to take these steps to help yourself.

Love from Raphael and Marcel

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more. 

You Are Your Own Saviour and Saboteur

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

youareyourownuniverse

You are your own saviour and saboteur, both.

What it feels like and looks like and is like to be doing your life as you…is all created by you. There is no ‘other’ of any kind to blame or to credit for the life you live. Not mate, not friend, not parents, not god, nada.

Your life evolved through and by your choices. Even the wounding experiences you experienced were not random, or the act of some malevolent power greater than you. You as a soul choose and allowed what would play out in your life.

You choose this journey of coming to terms with your own greatness, and included every detail that would form your growth path, your awakening path.

Your deepest pains and challenges can either be used to weave a victims’ claim together in surrender to the fear of your own greatness, or they can be the stuff you were sovereignly given, by your sovereign self to manifest in this domain your true essence.

Staying small is also a great act by a great and powerful being. Rising to your greatness in your awareness is also an equal expression of your greatness.

The universe is quite ambivalent to your choice, supporting you whichever direction you choose, because it can’t save you from anything. It can’t choose anything for you. It follows your lead.

You are your own universe. Totally magical. Totally powerful.

Can anything matter more than finding, feeling and healing whatever challenges stand between you and this great truth. Choose life, choose love, choose carefully the help you need.

Your choice and your desire are your most powerful allies.

I would be so honoured, along with my beloved, Jelelle, to serve you through any transition points you are making. We have both walked this path and continue to. Life has changed for us in unimaginable ways, and never stops changing.

Love,

Raphael

Going Beyond The Mind Not Against It: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

kuanyinmind2

I start these processes without knowing where they will go or lead me; not knowing how they will unfold to offer consciousness expansion for myself; not knowing how they might serve spiritual and emotional consciousness awakening and expansion in others. I follow a desire and from there the form unfolds.

I was led recently by a desire to deepen experiences I have had (even though they aren’t ‘experiences’ in another way) of altered states of consciousness over the years but particularly in the last 18 months since moving to a remote, off-grid sanctuary in rural Mexico. I call these experiences a ‘dripline’ because while they are strong in the moment of happening, they move on eventually. They feel like a drip rather than a gush, so far. I trust this drip is what I and parts of me can let in right now.

As I describe in the first entry in this series, I have a relationship with Kuan Yin (a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher) that goes back several years to when I was awakened to Divine Feminine consciousness after becoming attuned in Reiki energy healing. The shamanistic healer and Reiki Master who attuned me also offered that I turn to Kuan Yin as my personal spirit guide and teacher. My immediate response to her suggestion was to burst into tears. Just the mention of Kuan Yin (who I wasn’t really familiar with at the time) brought up a huge surge of heart and soul longing.

Kuan Yin is both (at times) stern sounding but affectionate mother and penetrating spiritual teacher. I feel both comfort and discomfort around Her energy. She is both familiar and foreign; nurturing and, at the same time, without a form to wrap around. All these contradictions seem to work for Her though and my heart trusts and loves her deeply even if my mind can’t quite grasp Her. But, that’s the point actually.

This morning, during our meditation time together, She inspired me to share regularly about my experiences with Her during this time of surrogacy together and offer whatever message She would like to express through me. I have long ago embraced my soul purpose as Divine messenger and scribe; it is at times a very blessed thing to be and at times can draw misunderstanding and strong resistive projections from others (just as the Divine Mother Herself can.) I feel that we all have the capacity to connect with various forms and energies of the Divine Mother and receive Her messages. Billions of people already do in the form of what the world’s religions offer, such as worshipping Mother Mary, even if their religion can tend to filter the purity of Her heart and message. I describe the mantra and process I use to connect with Her in this blog entry.

So, I will share regularly. I wanted to say ‘daily’ but that doesn’t have much meaning in the moment as what is a day (or any measurement of time) but an illusion created by the mind? Kuan Yin would say so anyway.

As I repeated my “Ma Om” mantra while touching my body and feeling my love for Kuan Yin this morning, I noticed the crazy activity of my mind. How the thoughts and mental digestions seemed to ‘interrupt’ the process every few seconds! My mind wanted to process and package the whole experience before I’d even really had it. I would move my attention back to the mantra and, again, after a few seconds, would discover I had drifted again.

Kuan Yin was with me in this, seemed to feel my growing concern, and we began to dialogue about it.

“Busy mind, yes,” She said to me in her penetrating way.

“It is so busy! I try to still it with these mantras and it gets bored. It seems to rebel and want to gallop away like a wild horse,” I responded.

I do believe She chuckled then…laughing with me, not at me.

“Yes, like wild horse. But, why you go against it? What does it want?”

I felt and thought about this for a moment. “My mind says that mantras are too boring. It likes dialogue and conversation. Or to go on creative visualization and etheric journeys like we used to. When it is occupied in ‘helping’ with these things, then it can let in energies such as Kundalini or the Non-Dual.”

“So, why you not let it?”

“I didn’t think that was Ok?” I admit, feeling very much like a beginner in that moment.

“Who say it not OK? Who know what is right for you other than you? You’ve got a very imaginative mind, Jilly Bird. It is beautiful. Let it help you move beyond it.”

I contemplated this for a moment (and so did my mind) and we both felt this sense of goodness about that. Rather than trying to ‘tame’ my mind, I could flow with it. All of my most altered states had come through letting my mind help take me on an imaginative journey, as Kuan Yin said.

“And,” She continued, “Just what do you suppose is helping you talk with me right now?”

I could feel my mind get a bit puffed up, but that felt better than putting it down. “For the last ten years, my process has been about forming relationship with and creating negotiation…whether it was with parts of me or with the Divine or with my body. Forming relationship is a dualistic approach though…”

She cut me off with, “Calling something ‘a dualistic approach.’ These are just words. Other people’s words. You follow your own heart, as you have always done. As you teach others to do.”

“I offer a path that has worked for me and then, yes, support them to find their own heart and soul way along it.”

“So, same for you, J-Bird. Same for you.”

I was left with a primary message today that it isn’t about going against the mind but rather beyond it. Taking it with you as a helper, but journeying beyond it….where life can then fully take flight.

Jelelle Awen is a facilitator and co-creator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life  for more information.

Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split (Part Two): Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series

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This is part two of Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split in the Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series. Go here to read part one.

recovering faith

 

By Kathleen Calder

My intention for this writing today is to have you join me in a feeling space around what it means to be “separate”. What comes to you when you think about separation? A recent break-up or completion with a beloved? The day your mother/father/other family member died? The day you left for college or moved out of your childhood home in general?

Each movement and phase of life often involves a death and rebirth cycle that can encompass some sort of separation being necessary. Of course the very first separation we viscerally experience in our lives comes at the very beginning – the moment we emerge from our mother’s womb. The very first tears we cry are often in this moment, feeling the separation from our warm gestation place and mourning the chance to be the closest to our mother that we ever will be. For the first time, we can feel sensations in our bodies of a changing need for our adaptation and therefore survival. We are still dependent, but we have exited from an intense phase of being held by something bigger than us. We now must begin to build our muscle tone, our dexterity, and, beyond the physical, we must also start developing our emotional bodies, for once again we have been born into this dense and often difficult environment which we call life on Earth (as we know it today, anyway).

As each new skill learned and new emotion is discovered and felt for the first time, we start to develop a digestive system within us and a new way of processing data that needs less and less help (ideally) from our caregivers as we go along. With each new chapter of our lives, we let go more and more of (or desperately try to cling to in denial of our need for change) those pieces of our life that once represented who we were and can no longer stay with us as we continue to grow. Like a child constantly outgrowing their clothes, we too are meant to outgrow relationships in which the person can’t or won’t make the choice to come with us or vice versa, and the “clothes” (or, sadly and more commonly, armor) we have tried on in order to reflect, avoid, or defend our emotional realities.

We are meant to gestate over and over again and birth out into a new world just the same. We are meant to have help digesting the “food” others give us to help us grow, both consciously and unconsciously. We are meant to cry out if we feel neglected in any way, or as if there is a lack of love flow in our lives. We are meant to ache out the pain of our separation from the original source of Infinite Love in infinite supply. Only then, in my experience, can we begin to feel that though the fog may feel thick sometimes, we are always connected by a Divine umbilical cord. This is not an ideology. To me, it feels like simple fact. And yes, I and parts of me, are still letting that in.

This, to me, is the core of where our Spirit/Matter split lies. It is certainly the core of mine. I truly feel that my soul has been around and around this world and each time that the original and at times insurmountable feeling of being separate from the Divine must be felt through again with the first breaths of a new life beginning, has been harder and harder. At times parts of me have reacted to this by going so far into Matter that it “matters” more than Spirit possibly could. After all, it is the more relatable place to be in for most human relationships…perhaps because deep in our souls and hearts we are aching out the same pain of the original separation and just want to avoid feeling it as much as we can.

There have also been times in my life where parts of me have tried to lean so far into Spirit that the art of responding to life and at least the Matter that really “matters” got waylaid. This over-leaning into Spirit led me into a sort of constant depression and heaviness inside me as parts of me reluctantly walked through heartbreak, loss, and disappointment, fixating on the pain and not the goodness of life, as if throwing some sort of tantrum and saying, “Look Divine Mom and Dad! Look at how miserable I am! I shouldn’t be here! Take me home, please!”

This sort of stark split isn’t the easiest life theme to work. I am grateful to be awake enough to it that I can feel and begin to understand how my parts formed around it and why they have the reactions they do. There is still some deep pain inside me about living out another life on Earth, especially during this dark time for humanity, but at least now I am equipped to feel it through and ache it out consciously instead of having it play out in the same pattern it has until now. Perhaps it will still need to play out in some ways that are similar to how it has done so in the past, but I can trust that if that comes up, there is something more I need to look at and feel about it.

Spirit and Matter may feel like opposites at times, but really they seem to be meant to work together. We are meant to ground into Matter while opening up to Spirit and engaging in all of this with others in conscious and sacred friendship and community. Sadly, not many of us are raised to feel that both are equally important. We wouldn’t need to be here if Matter didn’t have something to offer the Spirit within and around us.

As I continue to write this, I feel how I am writing in the world of Matter through Matter’s means, while connecting to and channeling Spirit. Spirit can come through because of this conduit of “me”. Right now Spirit is communicating through my heart, my brain, my language of English, the keyboard I am typing with, the computer that is holding and hosting this document, and eventually the World Wide Web where these words will be posted. And this is only one way in which to try and communicate what I am communicating.  There are myriad other ways in which Spirit tries to reach us and show us that Matter is not all there is or all we need. Sometimes that message can only come through severe accidents or diseases or just at the very end of a life…but then again, it also comes to us through orgasm, deep connection with others, deep and prioritized connection with ourselves, and each and every time we find ourselves awed or humbled by nature itself in any form.  There is no difference between any of these experiences, except method and form. Spirit is there. Matter is there also. One cannot be found without the other, just as we ourselves are an embodiment of both.

It feels like Spirit has enjoyed expressing through me today, regardless of how deeply it can actually land its message in you through me. I am but one messenger and one pipeline. And in truth, this sense of a split that needs acknowledge and healing is such a sovereign, personal, and sacred process to be in, that whatever path you are walking right now is your own expression of it. Maybe one day our paths will align, and if they do, I will be there to walk this healing path with you in whatever way we are meant to do so together.

 

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions

 

Introducing “Essencism”: A New Movement Towards Ourselves

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

 

glowing-heart

 

By Kathleen Calder

I have begun to consider myself an “Essencist”. I don’t think that term exists yet, but I like it. Why? Because it doesn’t already have a role attached to it, an image of the person who may be involved in it, or even necessarily an existing set of beliefs. Well, I guess in a way it does, since I am coming up with it as someone who embraces SoulFullHeart, a healing and consciousness path where we speak of “essence” quite a bit, and yes, we have some specific beliefs we work with. They are fluid though, as life and the Divine always seem to be arising for us anew, depending on the chapter of our lives we are living out individually and as a community. To be an “Essencist”, to me, means that no matter what changes your life brings you, you believe in the power of your essence and you are also constantly in hot pursuit of what you feel it to be in every single moment, letting it be an unending journey of discovery with relentless curiosity.

I feel like I am diving into a chapter of pursuing what the heck my essence could be. I am experiencing the beginnings of what promises to be a deep journey of self-mating – deep, hot, romantic pursuit of the parts of me who have been neglected or put aside until now, and ultimately of my own heart and soul and what it’s made of. Is it difficult for parts of me to imagine that this phase could last a long time and that could mean not pursuing mateship with a man for a long time? Yes. Of course. And I also feel that I wouldn’t want to offer a future mate anything less than what I am already discovering about myself and my truest heart or my essence, nor do I desire a mate who can’t or won’t offer me the same, coming from an overflow of his own self-mateship.

So here we go, with much strength and motivation…but where is my vulnerability around it? Parts of me don’t feel too good about this idea, while it sounds good. It is different than what most other young women and men my age care about doing. So there is a deep loneliness I can feel inside myself too in this moment. Yet I can feel the possibilities of there being others and the chance for deeper relationships with others my age than I have experienced so far. And how could I draw what I really want in relationship if I am not pursuing it and cultivating it inside myself?

Perhaps the essence of being an “essencist” is actually selfishness, then. I selfishly want to focus on myself so that I can selfishly claim the gifts of that journey and the manifestation of that which I have always wanted in my deepest essence. To be an “essencist” means embracing personal other-ness – the fact that you are as unique as you feel yourself to be, whether you have been born with the sex of a woman or a man, or earned the role of accountant, actor, mother, brother, teacher, or priest.

What I want more than anything, as far as I can feel for what I know of my essence thus far, is to know and be known, but not in a superficial way. I feel encouraged to inhabit a new way of being in life where I pursue myself with so much curiosity that it overflows into a deep curiosity about others and puts me in a position where I love others’ essences so fiercely that I will fight for it the way I am beginning to fight for my own. I have already experienced tastes of my capacity for this as I have felt many moments of my capacity to feel others and how it is deepening with every step I take towards feeling myself first.  I am becoming more and more compassionate towards the false while advocating for the real. In a world that very much still tries to revolve around created personas and smokescreens, this is very challenging. This could be why I like the idea of a movement, if you will, that we could call “Essencism” – encouraging all human beings to get back to themselves in a healthy, authentic way, cultivating a relentless overflow of self-love that spills over into every aspect of their lives.

I feel in my essence a spark that keeps glowing, even when the night is at its darkest and all of life seems to parts of me to be conspiring against my/their happiness or comfort. It is something that I really don’t feel I will ever fully come to know, but that’s not as important as it is to keep discovering and getting closer to that answer, even if all I end up with at the end of each day is more data pointing out what it is not. So for now I will continue to try on each and every day and take it for a spin in my proverbial Cadillac, seeking and finding more answers while feeling myself deeply through every challenge and hard-to-feel feeling inside my parts and my heart.

 

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions

The Cries of the World (a prayer for our times)

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment
Heart-Hands

 

By Kathleen Calder

 

Acid rain tears fall down the cheeks of a thousand broken surfaces
the cracks and voids of where life was
is bringing about its fiery end.

 

The learning curve is steeper now
carved out to be so from our necessary faults.
         How else can we learn?

 

In death we learn to respect life
In hindsight we see what we could have, should have done
               but didn’t.
And perhaps the greatest self-punishment of all
         Is that we are destroying ourselves.

 

Great Mother, your arms offer safety but not from ourselves.
You shelter and harbour the changes to make
in order to not make the same pathway alive again.
To ask for more time, well, that doesn’t seem fair
when for thousands of years, with tears and longing
have you watched us scramble ourselves into a lopsided labrynth
          collectively created
by our authentic lack of authentic selves.

 

In this dimension and all dimensions
may we learn the respect you teach us
the love you hold for us
and the longing you have to be one with us once again
like in times of old, when snakes were once your Druids
and porcelain dolls your Priestesses.

 

How do we bridge All That Is with all that is now?
They connect already, I know.
It’s the acceptance that there is nothing more to do
          and only more to be
that gets hard to be with
and is the toughest mountain to climb in this ever-churning industrial world
soon screeching to a halt.

 

How do your children feel to you now?
Do you feel much hope for more than that we may try again someday?
Could it all be healed in a sudden swoop of an upswing of Divine ecstasy felt in all hearts?

 

I am done with the humanness of humanity to the degree in which most inhabit it.
To the degree in which I have inhabited it.
And I want more
and I feel more
and I will live to be more.
To give more to myself
so I can give more to others
and learn to live in your light, your fire, your passion and your connectedness
to us
and to all things.

 

Amen.

 

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions.