Opting for the Heaven you don’t know over the Hell you do know will call upon everything in you.
Deep in our essence, we know love in the profoundest sense, yet we struggle to feel it and know it in an everyday sense. We are love. We are heaven. But we took a forgetful journey to the far away land of love’s lack to grow into more of love’s ever expanding infinity.
This is where you find yourself now, far away from love, yet BEing this love, and feeling the parts of yourself and others that are not yet reconciled to this love we all are.
You are love, yet you experience hell.
The craziness of this will constantly incline you to make many temporary and false heavens out of the hell you are actually in.
If you want to get to know more of the real heaven that you don’t yet know in your everyday experience, you are going to have to spend some of that bank account you are holding onto of the hell you do know.
The hell you know is the currency that will buy you what you really want, if you are willing to let it go.
This will require admitting that the hell you are in, is in fact a hell….that you are willing to leave it, and that you want help to find your way out. If that isn’t true for you yet, you simply aren’t done with your sacred chosen hell and what the time there is meant to bring you.
This will also require that you are willing to authorize a resource that you recognize as being part of your emerging heaven to assist you, guide you…that they represent your higher self, your heaven, in physical form.
This will require feeling the painful gap between where you are now and where you long to be, and all that this gap is meant to alchemize in you.
If you are at this place, you have entered the place of true adventure, where the first step is actually as grand as the last step, as they are all steps on the same sacred journey.
If you feel like you are not at this place, see if this feels like you, or instead a part of you, and then see if you are ready to show up for this part of you and the hell they find themselves in.
We’ve all heard about the internalized messages we received in various ways about ‘the self being bad.’
Much worse, we came to know and feel this as an emotional living hell reality that almost completely governed our relationship with our entire lives.
But what even is the self? Is there a nutshell definition that could somehow fit and not diminish the vastness of what we’ve come to call the ‘self’?
And what is it about this self that got messaged about being so ‘bad’? What was it specifically about the self that even the word self-ish was a bad word from its inception?
(In case you haven’t noticed, I like asking QUESTions, more than I like answers. Answers often block our QUESTions. The answers we receive can never exceed the quality of the QUESTions we are willing to ask. I felt the above QUESTions rumble through me this morning, and now, I await for a response, not so much for ‘thee’ answer, but for an answer that can move and carry us to our next places of living into our truth.)
I tune into beloved guide Metatron, as an extension of my higher self, that is ‘other’ and ‘me’ at the same time. I await his response…
(And it’s a funny feeling, because a part of me says ‘I have no clue what he’s going to say, but I guess if he doesn’t have anything alive or deep to share, we can always not post this,’ as another part of me wants to apologize to Metatron for the lingering doubt…)
Metatron says:
“As infinite love essence, you did not fear entering a deficit of this awareness. You knew that entering a lack of awareness could not take away from your essence as infinite love. You also knew that the only way to get outside of the infinite love that you are would be through a for-getting, a ‘giving up of having’ in your awareness of any feelings of your essence as being this infinite love. You even needed the very real feelings of demonizing the self to provide the feeling of escaping the prison of your essence. You very much created a sub-reality within a greater reality, as you knew that losing awareness could not affect your actual possession.
“This is likened to a man who only knows living in great wealth his whole life and comes to wondering how the rest of the world lives and feels. He knows he has lost his appreciation for what he has and in that has lost his reverence for life itself. Smothered in goodness, he must explore badness to find himself.
“Your higher self though has remained in fluent connection with the essence that you are, as you detoured into ‘what you are not’ and is now wanting to return to deep awareness of who and what you really are. You knew you needed the contrasting experience of forgetting and re-MEMBERing, and in the experience of re-entering your essence a second time, in order to let in reverence.
“This is who and what you are. Deep reverberating reverence.
“This, what you once feared and diminished, NOW, invites you into and onto this next stage of your quest.
“You forgot in order to remember. Your forgetting is complete.
“This is the time of your remembrance, of being re-membered into the fullest membership of being the infinite love you are and always were, and are ever becoming”
‘Making love’, ‘making time’, and ‘making money’ are all phrases that were wordsmithed out of the scarcity and unworthiness phase of our consciousness evolution.
Love, we are coming to see, is not in need of making, but we can yield to its fullness if and when and as we are ready to…sexually, emotionally, communally along with whatever other multitudinous ways we can desire it.
Time needs no making. Time is so super abundant that we fear its infinity of opportunity, and so we created the victim’s perception of ‘I just don’t have the time’. We each have been given ‘all have all the time in the world’ to do with it as we please. We are busying ourselves (in several ways) coming to terms with that.
Money is love, a currency, a flow; all of which are more resisted than they are served when we set out to rigidly ‘make money’ in the ways we have.
I’d like to propose that we reinvent these all these expressions from ‘make’ to ‘let-in’.
“I’m still glowing from letting-in love early this morning”.
“Yes, I will let-in the time to meet with you”.
“We’ll just have to let-in the money for a new one, won’t we?”
Sounds and feels better doesn’t it?….for letting-in this super abundant and worth phase of our consciousness evolution that we are now being invited into.
None of us gets to be home until all of us are home.
This is true for us sub-personally as in each and every part of us finding their way home, and this is also true for us on super-personal level as in each and every one of us collectively finding our way home.
The healing occurs on the micro and the macro and they are so magically interconnected. This is why when you heal personally, this is your great gift to the collective, AND, as you serve the collective, you serve yourself.
It kind of eliminates our use of the word ‘selfish’ as you are a self-interested self and really can’t not be that. True and healthy self interest is true love for others.
This week’s Museletter is busting at the seems from the love that wants to make its way to your heart! The featured article by Jelelle Awen digest the recent crop circle creation in Cley Hill, England. She takes the meaning in through the SoulFullHeart perspective and applies it to our own personal and collective disclosures of deep healing. We are all One, and as we each make our own personal journeys we are thereby effecting the greater whole. The graphic representation shows us that we are all connected in an infinite world and we are being supported by the various beings that have a deep love for us and our ascension.
Included is more information about our call this Saturday at 11:11 CST on Zoom. We will be discussing the 7 Key areas of life that we focus on in SoulFullHeart and how they are experienced in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th dimensions. If you cannot make this one, more info about future calls is included.
This week we had a huge output of writing and a lot to digest as a community and personally. A lot is moving and shifting in our world and that can bring up many reactions, both of joy and not so joyous. It is what gives us the experience to learn and grow from that we then share with you from our open hearts.
There is also a new energy update from Jelelle about how the incoming codes are creating compression points inside of us that are needing to be held and felt to release and integrate into new layers of consciousness.
So from all of us at SoulFullHeart we offer you another week’s worth of our passion and purpose, sprinkled with a ton of love. Thank you so much for taking this is in each week. If you feel that what we are offering has been giving you much reflection and guidance, we would love to feel your gratitude through a Love Donation through our website or through our Patreon page where you can even offer a monthly contribution.
Have a great weekend and may love continue to work its way into your world!
So I go to grab my passport a few days ago in order to head to the bank, and it’s not where it belongs.
Shite!
I think back to where I used it last and that would be a couple weeks back when we had to go get our van back from being towed after I parked it where I shouldn’t have. Another anomaly.
I recall producing my passport at the government office to pay the fine, but I recall getting it back. Could I have left it in Pablo’s car? Pablo was the miracle man we had met recently that took us on the tour to get the van back, who had a ‘friend’ at ‘Transito’ at the government office building. I pull out my pendulum to ask it for some help. Is the passport in the apartamento? No. Didn’t think so. Is the passport in Pablo’s car? No. Shite. Where else could it be? Is it at the towing yard possibly? I couldn’t recall producing it there. Big YES! OMG, could it be? I get the phone number from the receipt and call the yard. I recalled a sweet young woman working there. I think I recognize her voice. ‘Hola, mi nombre es Marvin’ I say slowly (my name on my passport). ‘Ahh’, she replies, ‘tengo su pasaporte’. Big relief. Gabriel and I make the trek back there to pick it up the next day. Bingo. Passport is back. All good.
Well, it was all good for about less than an hour.
We went from the towing yard to the mall to do some shopping. We stopped to get something to eat, and I reach for my man purse and it’s not with me. Shite! Only now, it’s the passport AND the wallet! I left it in the bathroom stall draped over the tissue dispenser not 10 minutes prior. I run back to the bathroom. I recalled a bright looking young man entering the stall as I left, but he’d be gone by now. I look under the door to find the stall occupied and so I wait. The guy takes a while, so I wait some more till he’s done. I check the stall and it’s gone. Of course it’s gone. Double Shite!
I take a deep breath as I think to check in with customer service as I head for the bathroom exit, when in walks the bright young man carrying my murse…all intact, relieved to have found me! I reward him with some pesos that he accepts, and walk away not quite believing my good fortune and not believing I could have been so careless? Or was it care-free? What planet am I living on? …redoing my teen phase of life?
I joked to Gabriel when I returned smiling to find him in the food checkout that my karma must be all paid up in this department!
I’m not exactly sure what the moral of all this story is, but it feels like it has something to do with life reordering our worlds through chaos, and through manageable death and rebirth cycles. Jelelle and Kalayna couldn’t believe my story when we got back home saying I’m the last person to ever lose or misplace something. While that’s been true for me historically, it felt like it was obviously only true for a previous version of me. I strategically learned a good survival skill, but life and the universe wants to swap these out for some new ‘thrival skills’ based in trust and abundance, as it gave me an opportunity in this chaotic run of circumstances to loosen my grip on these fear based rigid rules of what being a ‘responsible’ human is.
Can we see that any chaos that comes into our lives is not meant to be a self-punishing cycle, but instead is a beneficial synchronicity of a loving universe? Can we see and feel life wanting to give us what we need even when we can’t see it or feel it as such?
Another question that came for me was ‘Can you imagine a world where losing your valuables would be the last thing to worry about because no one is in any kind of lack?’
Can you and I begin this task of letting-in this super-abundant universe into our emotional bodies as a way to virally infect the human race with this abundance ‘bug’?
Jelelle Awen and I, Kalayna Colibri and Gabriel Heartman have our next group call this Saturday if you’d like a taste of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life…it’s a magical portal into a brave new world.
“Come follow me, and you will find your mess” – a biblical quote reframe, as offered to me by Yeshua
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There’s a light up ahead, held by someone who has done much work. Someone who beams a beacon of hope and love and possibility. Their energy invites you in and also invites you to follow them. They don’t energize being ‘better’ or ‘holier’ than you, they only seem to energize that they are somehow ‘ahead’ and want to vulnerably lead you into more possibilities, healing and growth for yourself.
Maybe you choose to follow because the warmth of the heart cord between you is incredible and familiar and not like anything you’ve ever felt before in this life. You want to be near this person, relate closely with them, and yet you can’t quite relate to them yet. They feel ‘close’ to you in a sweet sense, yet they almost feel like something that isn’t from this world. How could that be? They certainly seem human enough. You conclude that somehow they ARE human, just living in a different sort of dimension than you’re used to. Wow. THAT’S interesting because the dimension you’ve been living in feels old, stale, essentially loveless to you more and more these days as you continue to awaken to the universe within and outside of you.
As you continue to follow this person up ahead, you feel the infusions of light and love that they offer. You feel too, the realness they hold about their personal reality – how they or parts of them feel or are reacting in given moments. You can feel them holding this reality as sacred, though sometimes the energy feels intense to parts of you that you haven’t fully felt yet. What they offer to themselves and to you seems like ‘love’, but it’s a different love than you’ve experienced, as most of the time those around you refuse to be ‘real’ or current with what they’re feeling or experiencing. Or, on the other hand, they dump energy and emotion on you and in the space they hold with you, feeling like a victim and playing a victim’s role, effectively and skillfully drawing up a case that backs up their claim to perpetual victimhood. You’ve never had this contrast be illuminated for you before and it stirs something inside of you. Parts of you may start to feel victimized to this new frequency of love that is so illuminating, as it shows you too the ways in which you have been and held this same energy of co-dependently being in relationship with others and not deeply maturing emotionally, though you may ‘seem’ mature to most others in your life. You are experiencing how this love is holding up a mirror for you, and wow, there’s actually quite a bit of shadow there to feel!
This being you chose to follow encourages you to keep feeling it all. WHAT?! I have to FEEL it all?! You begin to feel a part of you is getting overwhelmed by the volume of what there is to feel, and you feel a bit surprised by what is still there that you thought you had healed by now. You feel the weight and the mess of it all… the entanglements within your relationships, past and present, the knots living inside of your heart and soul, the shadow pieces and parts of you popping up now to be witnessed, felt, held, healed. It’s a lot. Sometimes it feels like ‘too much’… and your new leader invites you to just ‘hold on tight!’ while the winds whip by and through you, inviting you to step into them despite the swirling chaos inside of you.
This is what it means to be on a path where you find that ‘mess’ within. That ‘mess’ that you learn to love as you trust that it’s leading you somewhere NEW. Amidst the mess, you get to decide whether or not you want to continue walking into it. You get to decide in every single moment, what you want next. And you get to decide whether or not you really trust this process and are ready for it.
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In SoulFullHeart, we don’t hold a grandiose or lofty picture of who we are as spiritual and emotional teachers, leaders and facilitators. The work we’ve done and continue to do is challengings and sometimes downright hard to be in, though the payoff is incredible, as the growth and consciousness expansion is exponential. If anything we are here to guide you if you can lean into what we offer and embody.
Choosing to be around us in any way or form offers some sort of challenge to your being, just because of this way of life we embody. Choosing to be with us here in community, well, that pushes up even more… yet your readiness is something you get to gauge in every moment, even as ‘mess’ comes up from within and seems to be playing out outside of you too.
Following any sort of spiritual and/or emotional healing path should push up quite a bit inside of you. Even if you are not drawn to SoulFullHeart, whatever path you may choose will very likely give you a lot to feel and heal. There is no way, in my experience, to avoid or fully transcend what we signed up to heal in this life. Embracing our messes, no matter where we are in our path or what teacher(s) or leader(s) we may choose to follow or learn from, gives us this gift of finding our way to deeper and deeper decisions about the playout of our lives and how and who we most want to be.
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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visitsoulfullheartwayoflife.comfor more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.
Every last one of us has been deeply enculturated.
We’re left with taking responsibility for the cults we find ourselves in.
The first cult we were subjected to, by our own choice no less, was the cult of ‘the individuated out from divine source’. This cult left us with a kind of bi-polar disorder of on one hand fearing being returned to source against our will and having our individuality taken from us, and on the other hand, fearing not being able to ever find our way back to oneness source, left in a hell of separation and individuation forever.
Talk about having all the bells and whistles of having been in what feels like a harmful cult! Our hangups, anger, hatred and dysfunctions suddenly make a lot of sense. Could anything be more painful than losing your awareness of your true identity, leaving you and I out begging life for any kind of substitute scraps of survival forms of love that can be had?
Eventually, as we come to take responsibility for this first cult and the many other cults that we’ve wandered into and find ourselves in, we come to discover that while it most deeply feels like we are separate and separated, we never were. We come to see that we are in fact as close as we ever can and will be, and all that is awakening is only a realization of what IS, and not any kind of attainment of anything that isn’t already.
We are left with the task of attaining what already is.
We need all the dramas of life and relationship as the story and culture setting to get us to the moral of the story which is LOVE, not as an injunction to dutifully ‘be more loving’, but as a dawning awareness of the essence of what you and I already are and always were, leading to just simply and truly being the love that we are. The only injunction we’re really left with is ‘just be yourself’.
The deeper awareness in all of this that WE CHOSE this as the soul beings we are, calls us to feel all there is to feel in reaction to our present awakening. Only now can we begin to feel these roots of all of our dysfunctions and querks both related to being human, as well as related to being birthed into being a soul. Only now can we begin to feel and take responsibility for our true awesome power.
It’s like we’ve travelled to a far country, with strange language, weird food, and customs. We don’t know how to be here and we don’t know where to find what we desire as familiar love. When we do find something that feels familiar, that feels like family, we often find that the comfort it once gave no longer does. Our deep inborn hunger for love calls us on to seek new forms and experiences of the love that we are. We find ourselves again invited into new forms of cult and culture, given our bents for attachment and our needs for love. Now, we can take conscious responsibility for what we choose and for what we most deeply want; a new culture of love.
We didn’t come here for any kind of instant fix. You were never broken in fact. If anything, you were fixed in love and wanted to unfix yourself being the explorer of the infinite love that you are. You and I came here having it all and we couldn’t help ourselves but to want more. We came here for a process. We came here for relationships. We came here to feel and heal all there is to feel.
If you are up for MORE and ready for some new feeling of all there is to feel, and some healthy enculturation, please join us this Saturday for our next SoulFullHeart group call:https://www.facebook.com/events/271320303342295/
‘Isn’t gratitude for what I have the opposite of wanting more?’
These questions repeatedly come to anyone who chooses to awaken their emotional body? They came to me again last night as I felt another layer of what I so deeply want.
To learn of deep abounding beauty that you don’t normally experience is to subject yourself to longing and despair that you don’t currently have that in your life. It takes big courage just to awaken that far. To then set out to obtain that deep beauty as your living reality is to call on resources of courage and choice that will surely be tested and tried moving forward.
How much easier and understandable it is for the masses to choose to remain asleep to desire. In moments, you are tempted to choose the path of the masses if you had any inkling that it could actually work for you.
You know you are here for more. You know that’s ‘just what is’ in your relationship to life. You also know any spirituality that offers the killing of your desire in the name of ‘overcoming attachment’ won’t work for you. You want more and you know it.
But life doesn’t actually offer you any kind of unconditional guarantee that you will obtain the desire of your quest for more, in exchange for your willingness to want so deeply. What life does offer you however, is the opportunity to embrace, and be in the aliveness of your desire for more. This is where the meaning is felt and found. I am a living breathing ‘wanter’.
I get to be in want.
I am a lover of love and love is so infinite and so multi-faceted that in surrendering to being in love’s want, I am sure to always be wanting something more than what I currently have, as beautiful, and even super-abundant as my current reality may be, and may go on to become.
We came from infinite source ‘having it all’ and yet we wanted more. So we came here, to be in lack, and want, to feel all there is to feel about this paradox. I am The All out wanting more.
I do get to fully enjoy every fulfilled desire along the way. I get to be in gratitude for both my wants AND what my wants have brought me. Every attachment that I ever clutched onto for as long as I did, be it a healthy or an unhealthy attachment, was really for me simply LOVE, in the way that it was, for the time that it was. It may no longer be love for me as I move on to deeper experiences of love, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t deep and abounding love in the way and time that it was.
In fact, everything that I ever wanted and will ever want is simply love. Love is the source of all. I’m told that you and I can have all that we are ready and willing to let in, AND, when and as we are ready for it, we can have it TOGETHER too, in community.
How’s that for a deal? How’s that for a new world order? You and I get to be the deepest experiencers of love as we are willing to be in love’s deepest want.
Audio recording of this blog post in Raphael’s voice is here:
‘It is not your maturity that qualifies you to your next growth step in spiritual or emotional maturity, but rather the willingness to admit and feel your immaturity.’
These words come to me as I feel through a wrestling angst I felt in my field yesterday. Why the absence of peace or centredness? Why the reactive state?
My truth is that you and I didn’t come here to know centered bliss and love. We already know that. That’s already ours by right of soul birth individuation from Source. We were willing to give that up to enter a process of need, and angst and deep desire to find our way to something even more than bliss and oneness. Bliss and oneness, as great as it was and is, we found made us bored and lonely ultimately, and we chose to surrender to an insatiable hunger for more, being the creator gods that we all are.
It is only through our dissatisfaction and need that more can be found. Oneness and bliss, love and light doesn’t actually provide the movement that darkness, angst, pain and desire does?
So what is your need? What deep darkness have you dialled up this life and where does it want to take you?
What is the opportunity of your present immaturity?
Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart) 