Tag: emotional healing

Feeling Our Authentic Loneliness

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

authentic-loneliness

By Leena Colibri

 

Authentic loneliness is more powerful than settling for false company.

Having a solid relationship with ourselves begins by being okay with being alone for necessary phases of time. It doesn’t have to feel okay to every part of us though…some parts are used to reaching out to others outside ourselves for comfort, reassurance, validation, security. On the other side of the coin, some parts would rather be alone, feeling the strain of a social life that they can’t truly land in and be a part of authentically, and where they and other parts often get buried because what they feel isn’t deemed “okay”. This is what makes us all unique mosaics of emotions and reactions. It is what brings us into processes where we get to feel and sort through it all if we choose to, helping us move on to the next phase of our lives, perhaps without as much reaction and with a full-hearted strength that we could never have thought possible.

Our loneliness feels like a huge gift to me, if we can truly feel it and be with it…in being with it, we get to feel our uniqueness, our need and desire for more solidity inside ourselves, and our needs and desires for what we truly want in relationship with others (not just what we’ve been okay with up ’til now).

Loneliness, like any other emotion that carries the label of being “negative” and something that should be avoided at all costs, seems to actually have the power to change our lives for the better and bring us into landscapes of deep healing and growth if we can just let it in and fully feel it…

**

Leena Colibri is a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

 

 

Matched by Love

Published on by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

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By Leena Colibri

“Wanna wrestle?” Love asks, “it’s no fun without you”.

“Don’t I already?”

“When you want to stop, when you would rather not, when you are tired, just tell me.”

“Does that mean you’ll go away?”

“Only the human who can ask this in earnest gets any sort of answer that could satisfy them. I do not satisfy on command, but seek to satiate myself and my needs first.”

“And with me that comes down to wrestling right now?”

“…if you would like.”

“But is that what you want, Love?”

“Perhaps. If it is what part of you wants.”

“…I like you, Love. I feel my parts are feeling some liking of you too.”

“ 🙂 ”

“…can we go slow?”

“…of course, Loved one. Though I can’t guarantee that I won’t still win!!”

“You’re on!” “…Love…I think I want you to win.”

“Good. I was right about you then. But I still want to be matched. I still want us to challenge each other. I still want to work to find my openings in you, just as you seek to find more of me. We will get there, Loved one. If we can just keep going. I know I want to keep going more rounds with you.”

“Me too, Love. Me too.”
**

Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Throw-Away Love

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

heart-in-trash

 

By Leena Colibri

 

In a world made for the throw-away
life
love
plastic anything
romance
friendship
god

 

…self

 

How can real love show its colours
of brilliant black, blue, red and gold?
The bruises and dents on the quest’s trail
and the blood bled from the freshly opened heart
can barely shine through the muddle
the muttering
the utter grossness of our need for something more to pitch.

 

The pliable heart with plastic implants placed by dense fingers with no dexterity just reaction
nearly made impossible to open.
Nearly patented to be perfectly beyond reach
and beyond the touch of real, sacred human love.

 

There’s a way to see it
there’s a way to be with it
there’s a way to look and love beyond it
there’s a way to penetrate the din within that all-too-sacred noise and static
created by a static life
with static means
running out of ground too quickly
…or not quickly enough.

 

Love, breathe the hot air of passion down my neck.
Let it run out onto my swollen chest
barely holding my bare, aching heart.
Whisper that it’s over those times of war within
and that you are here to stay
so long as I claim you, want you, breathe you, need you.

 

So long as I can stand to keep letting you in.

 

So long as you can stand my insatiability.

 

May the world cry rumble below
into the caverns of the depths of soul and heart
showing the cracks on the walls of the ache and the pain and the need for more, more, more…

 

love
synthesis not synthetic
surreal but real

 

To heal, to feel…to ask for the real, live, moving, passionate, messy, sacred, ultimate piece
driving onward, inward, upward and out
bringing us to that longed-for place of release
realizing we could have seen it, held it, had it all along
if we had just asked.

 

** 
Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

The Rearview Mirror

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment
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By Leena Colibri

 

So this is how it goes…
You let go
and you trust
and you realize what you let go of
and what you are letting go into.

 

Never have I had such a trampoline inside
where I can leap and know no bounds
where the sky inside is the limitless one
and the gravity of the fall is into nothing at all.

 

You were a mirror of a different colour
a different density
and I expected you to work differently
…and not mostly in hindsight.
But here I go into a retrospective reflective surface
where I realize
not only could you not see me
but holy shit…
I didn’t see myself.

 

In a big way
I couldn’t, didn’t, wasn’t planning to.
Not while I had your eyes
your promise
your mouth, hands, lips, body, touch
and heart.

 

I poured water on my feathers
but the Pheonix fire didn’t cease
and my maniac heart
bent on healing
kept on beating it’s drumbeat tone with steady, thumping steps.

 

The thrumming goes on
even as you and I don’t
and you and I don’t
and you and I don’t either.

 

Love. I am your channel.
I am your healer.
I am your student.
Make and give me more me
so I may be
more of the me I couldn’t see
until I realized I am what I was missing all along.

 

** 

Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Wedged

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment
favim-com-32308

 

By Leena Colibri

 

I’m somewhere inside the in-between.

 

What do I like, again? What am I like, again?

 

My skin erupts into a fiery red spread
crawling through the cavities and crevices
of what was once intact and clear.
A skin that hasn’t been comfortable
yet I have always worn it.

 

I’m malting and melting
scrambling for the ground
of what is coming.

 

The corner to turn is up ahead.

 

But how far?
I can’t see…
My depth perception is altered.

 

I feel a million miles away
yet the hot breath of change is on my neck.

 

No more enabled
In fact
I am disabled
in a really good way.
In a really scary way.
In a way I haven’t felt before
and I don’t know if I like it…
Yet somehow…
it could be…
that I secretly love it all.

 

If this wasn’t what I wanted
the path beneath my angry yet tired feet would change state
and I would change course.
But I don’t.
And I don’t want to.

 

So if this is what’s next
I will wedge myself here for you.
All of you.
And my eventual freedom
will change the snow to raindrops
and nourish all
and be with all
and surrender to my own All That Is
All That Was
All That Will Ever Be
There I will find you
and me
and them…yes even them.
Because we can never be disconnected. Not really.

 

And maybe that is all I ever need to know
and could ever need to truly surrender to.

 
 
**
Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

From the Realm of the Watchers

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

angel-krylya-nebo-oblaka

By Leena Colibri

 

It’s okay if you don’t remember.
We aren’t going to leave you.

 

It’s okay if you don’t know.
There’s not much to know,
just to experience over and over again
until experience turns into the page love is written on,
not the words of love themselves.

 

It’s okay if you don’t know who you are.
We don’t care how many carousels you ride,
how many spins you take,
you will still have your essence in the end.
In the end, the only path that matters,
is the path you chose in every moment.
And no… we don’t care how you were or weren’t,
just how your experiments end.
The inconclusive conclusions you come to
along your way back to
love.

 

Love.

 

The only Ground Zero.
The only ground from where you rose,
and the only ground on which you fall.
The place where seeds are scattered,
and growth happens no matter what.

 

Yes. All else is an illusion.
But…
It’s the illusion you need.

 

That holographic something isn’t nothing.
It’s the most important thing
right now
right now
and
right now.

 

So… walk, run, fly, dream, make love, make war, make peace, get messy, clean up, climb up, and fall down.
Your sacredness won’t break, for it is not porcelain.
Your birthright to live into all realities remains intact.

 

Here we sit.
Here we watch.
Here we wait for you to remember
that the path is love,
the game is love,
and the light, dark, hard, easy stories
are the love you are learning
and remembering that you are.

 
 
**
Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Though Love Feels Hard

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

2244700-red-heart-on-a-fence
 

By Leena Colibri
 

There needs to be the perfect flavor
The perfect texture
The perfect moment
For this love to be let in.

 

Love, though, doesn’t deal in perfection
Love is the only ad infinitum
Love is the only eternal
Love responds to our fenceposts
And still somehow sneaks itself under them.
The only magic carpet ride I want to be on…

 

“In theory”, she adds.

 

It’s the knowing
And feeling
That crumbling into Love’s outstretched arms
Means being caught Once and for all.
It’s a trust that isn’t easy
But maybe it can be…

 

“If I can let go enough”, she tells me.

 

There’s a line here, you know.
A spine.
A border framed by eloquence,
And attempted grace.
Meanwhile, Love cares only for the trying
For the willingness to wrestle
Knowing that if I can at least do that
That Love will, ultimately, win
As Love was always supposed to do.
 
 

**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

A Wrap-Up

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

heart-wave-_photobycherrielaporte_  
By Leena Colibri

 

When it’s not a game anymore.
When the pieces have fallen out of place
And out of reach…

 

When the tides turn red and violet
With desire and spirituality
Both
That will be when I surf
Those waves of radical, changing material.

 

That will be when you can catch me
Turning to you
Within me
Within you.

 

I went to that place today… You know the one.

 

The question marks fall from your mouth
As you realize what you see
Is not what you hear In the furnace that burns
Inside your head.

 

Experience will teach
Will scar
Will tattoo
And I will be there to bring it all back inward
To a place where I can digest it

 

And you are welcome to the party
As usual
Whenever it comes to you
On feeling winds
That blow down your carefully placed
House of cards.

 

I don’t know if you’ll know me
When this phase is through,
But I do know
That the truth…
It lingers on and comes back.

 

I may not come back.

 

But rest assured I didn’t open you up for nothing…

 

Did you?

 

 
 
**

 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Premise Ten: Radical Self Love Comes From Embracing All Aspects Of Ourselves

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

premiseten

This is day 10 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’

Today we approach the truly mysterious and magical, but I’m not sure I can do anything more than point you to it. It will be up to you and your soul….what you feel, what you sense if you feel drawn to open this one out for yourself and your selves.

Today is all about you. It’s the ‘Self to Self-Personhood Premise.’ And it goes like this:

“The SoulFullHeart process offers a growing sense of true, authentic, even radical self love, a self to self relationship that comes from embracing all aspects of ourselves from which our spiritual awakenings and explorations can arise from. This growth of the ‘personhood’ ground of our being is a critical piece that we feel has been missing from many sainthood and sagehood paths.”

There’s a new ‘hood’ in the hood and it’s called Personhood.

We’ve known the Sagehood (nondual) awakening paths (primarily in the East) of the awakening and enlightenment of the mental body. We’ve also known many Sainthood paths to awaken the spiritual body. But the missing hood is Personhood, the awakening of the emotional body and the heart chakra.

This hood changes everything. It’s absence has made for all manner of abuse, while its presence opens the door to finally holding our heart and soul growth explorations in a manner that truly serves us without needing to subscribe to more and more denial and devotee zeal to hold our ‘deal’ together.

Through getting to know parts of ourselves or subpersonalities and feeling what they are feeling while they are feeling it (i.e. in real time), we create a space for our parts to feel ‘felt.’ In the absence of our parts feeling felt, we, as a perceived single personality, are left holding all manner of unaddressed charges, complexes, reactions, and undigested traumas. Our life as we know it is actually one big ‘acting out’ to the degree our subpersonalities, as living beings and energies within us, are left unacknowledged, denied, and disowned.

This picture radically alters your life as you open more and more to getting to know, feel, and respond to the needs of your parts and it is truly magical. I discovered this work in a group I was previously a part of and my entire relationship to life shifted in a dramatic way and ongoing way.

With our parts left unaddressed, every spiritual practice and healing modality that we engage in is a compensation to significant degree to cover for the deep unmet needs in our personhood domain.

We are spiritual beings, yes, but we express and relate to spirituality through our current expression as a person…..a human being. Human beings FEEL. Human beings have different needs than spiritual beings. Denying your humanity will only serve to suppress what you actually chose as a spiritual being choosing to inhabit a human journey.

Many spiritualities, when you feel into them from this lens, are designed to get beyond your humanity out to where the good stuff is. Being human is seen as the problem. The prescriptions of what you need to do and apply are endless, all in the goal of attaining or becoming something more than human.

SoulFullHeart feels opposite to this in that the portal into all your innate and magical spiritual access is already inside you, but buried. It’s not buried underneath your humanity, but buried under your unaddressed humanity. Coming to this ground of discovering your subpersonalities is really the only healthy ground to explore any spirituality as a human being. Angels may do it differently, and you even may be an angel, but you are in a human experience and expression at the moment.

Thank god for personhood arriving in the hood. Again, I’d love to help you get started in this exploration path. It’s self validating and opens out as you go. I invite your contact. Let’s get started.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Seek And Ye Shall Find You

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

cliff-jump

I know you’re out looking for something.

You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. The same is true for me.

I have an answer for you today. And that answer is that I am not your answer. Your answer is YOU. If I am anything to you, I can only serve as a reflection to you of you. If you are anything to me, you can only serve as a reflection of me to me.

The something you are out seeking today is you. The something I am out seeking today is me.

I happen to know that you are seeking the fulfillment of your being in all of its aspects. You want to learn, to grow, to find meaning, to have purpose and passion in your life, and to share all of it in meaningful connection with yourself, with others and with the divine.

Why be here and why ‘do’ here if not for these things?

All of life is arrayed to help you find these things. You already have them, but admittedly, they aren’t your experience as much as you’d like them to be. Hence, you dare to desire, you dare to be out seeking. You dare to look to an other even.

But I can do absolutely nothing for you unless you are out to help yourself. In fact, if you make me your source, while refusing to be your own source, the result can only be abuse of each other.

You are the light of the world. You, as you are now, with your desires for growth and change, with your pains and wounds that you don’t let anyone see.

Love wants in to your defended and seeking heart. Love wants to bring you new reflectors of your essence. Love wants to invite you out to risk again.

Take this light that you are shine it into the world of your desire, your aches and your longings. Let love meet you, embrace you, hold you, reassure you.

Will you?

I know you’re out looking for something…

Seek and ye shall find.

Let nothing stop you. Be radical! Your life depends on it.

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.