Category: By Raphael Awen

Day 13 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

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By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 13, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

In today’s entry, we are guided by Metatron into a surprising guided meditation to feel how good and evil are not actually separate, but all contained inside of and part of love. Then from there, we get quite the digestions of this from Martin (from the Martin Luther timeline) and Arthur (from the King Arthur timeline).

This is Day 13 of an ongoing Journal Series called ‘Journal To The Demiurge’. This series is an ambassadorship within to connect to the Demiurge. The Demiurge is another name for the Christian God, Jehovah, or Yahweh.

Here is Day 13:

Good Morning Heart Family! This journey keeps moving on, doesn’t it? I feel asked to show up for it again. I need to ask, Metatron, for some guidance about where to go today, if you would?

Metatron: Let’s do a little guided meditation together, if that works…?

Raphael: Perfect…

Metatron: Okay, settle yourselves in for a ride. Get comfy. Set up a physical space to match an inner space, and let’s travel. See yourself transported to a meadow opening inside of a forest. Though you are by yourself, you are not feeling alone, as you feel held by Gaia, as a delightsome presence. The opening, the warm sun above, the tall green grass, the forest surround, the sounds of many other creatures; all afford you a feeling of being an intrinsic part of nature herself. Here, there is no feeling whatsoever of anything being wrong, or needing to be fixed, as all is submerged in love and super-intelligence. Care and love oozes from every pore of all that you can see and feel. Let this flow into you and reach a saturation point, where you feel like you can’t let in any more. Got that?

Raphael: Working on it…

Metatron: Okay, now, I’m going to ask you to do something strange in comparison. Create another imagination portal to a scene of great abuse. It could be a parent sexually abusing a child, or a government performing some kind of ethnic cleansing atrocity. See if you can also stay in your meadow as you witness and feel the harm and abuse that is perpetrated by what appears to be the powerful upon the powerless.

It may seem like you are watching a movie. Feel the movie, but feel it from where you are. Feel the contrast of these two colliding worlds. Feel both at the same time if you can.

One world has nothing that needs to be fixed and the other has everything seemingly that needs to be fixed. Feel how both worlds are true, and neither cancels out the other. See if you can see any pathway between the worlds.

What are you feeling, Raphael?

Raphael: It’s kind of crazy making, Metatron, to try and hold both realities at the same time. I’m tending to go into one at the expense of the other.

Metatron: Exactly, as they are pretty much at the opposite energies to each other. Put yourself fully in the meadow, and what do you feel about the abuse?

Raphael: It needs to stop. It’s not Okay.

Metatron: Now, put yourself in the abuse. What do you feel about the meadow?

Raphael: The abusers don’t know about the meadow. They need to know and feel the meadow which would take care of the abuse. If they knew the meadow, they couldn’t carry out the abuse.

Metatron: So, your saying, it has to stop, and it would be impossible to carry out if these worlds could be joined. The abuse can only occur while the worlds remain separate, right? So, how then do you join the two?

Raphael: You see that the two are not actually separate, or at war with each other. We’ve just been convinced that they are.

Metatron: I thought you were going to take a while to get there, but you’re right, even if a bit anticlimactic.

Raphael: Well, you kind of got right to the point as well. I’m not sure your guided meditation would be a bestseller though, it’s a bit jarring.

Metatron: Here, here. We’re on the same wavelength then. It’s time in the earth zone and beyond to get the picture. It’s time to see that what appears to be in opposition to one another, in a dual of duality, is actually a part of the same whole. Contrast was needed for consciousness to go deeper into itself.

Raphael: This feels so true to me, Metatron. Are you saying that we’ve made up ideas of what tranquility should look and feel like that are based in a picture of love and fear being in opposition to each other, when they are in fact, not?

Metatron: Precisely, if I could use that word…

Raphael: This has felt like my truth for a long time now as well. I’m ready to accept this as a ‘working hypotheses’, if you will for our task at hand of approaching the Demiurge. I’d like to pause a moment to see if anyone here today doesn’t agree, or has questions. This one feels important to grasp, to align ourselves around, and to not presume an alignment if it isn’t real. So let me ask, if anyone feels differently or has questions.

Merlin: This feels true. It has felt so true for a long time, and has waited to blossom into this now.

Martin: Unlike you, Merlin, I feel like I’m really seeing this for the first time. I saw the Catholic Church hierarchy as the enemy of God, and protested like my life depended on it. Now, I’m seeing that I led a movement that was born out of my own resistance to my own inner darkness. This is so expansive to feel. I was actually afraid of my own inner darkness and was projecting it onto a made up enemy at hand. I mean, that wasn’t that hard actually, for all the crap they were pulling, but wow, it was actually myself that I was actually fighting with. My God, what a mess! There’s whole movements of people named after me, all on board with this same imagined war with self, in the name of battling for God, or battling for the light. The light doesn’t need any warriors, or even workers for that matter, even. This changes pretty much everything, for me.

Raphael: Wow, it feels good feeling you feel all of that, Martin. Thank you for feeling it all. It lets a whole bunch of us fly lighter and freer. Who else?

Arthur: I believe you call this Cosmology, this picture of what is. I too, must make changes to my picture, and I want to, and more than that, I need to. Camelot failed and came to ruins from such great heights. Our loyalty, and camaraderie was based on fighting for the good. It seemed to have made total sense at the time. It took us places and into adventures that I wouldn’t trade for the world. It also, however, came to an end. This puzzled me greatly, and even brought my heart a pain so great, I just came to accept that I might not ever recover from. As I have been so welcomed here to be a part of this round table, I feel my heart trusting again that a place for loyalty, and even a sense of duty, can arise again, but it is a loyalty and a duty to self first, rather than other.

Like Martin, I’m finding this so, expansive, and what’s the words, Andy?… ‘mind blowing’ is about right. It was our picture that faded. It was not wrongs that needed to be righted, but instead the direction of our service to others that needed to begin inside, to and from aspects of our very selves we were fighting, thinking we were being of service to God and Man. I chuckle now at the mess of it all. No wonder it came to an end. More than anything, my heart rejoices at the dawning call to service once again, but inside of a new picture. Women’s and men’s hearts get to ride again, and I shall be most rewarded to again join that ride.

Raphael: Whoah…, Arthur, that changes about a million timelines and hearts, you being willing to feel and heal all of that.

Arthur: And the idea we had of the grail quest…. everyone to this day asking, ‘what was the holy grail?’

Raphael: Yes, please, say more.

Arthur: The holy grail was whatever it needed to be at the time to rally hearts and souls to great purpose, great discovery, true greatness. The grail quest today is the inward journey, and that alone is the path to the true greatness that we already are, and that we wish to embody. That’s what I hear you saying now, and my heart is so revived. I figured this life was nearing complete for me. Now, I’m not so sure.

Raphael: Yes, please take that unsurety and check in for another great quest, Arthur. I so want to learn from what you led, and so do the rest of us here. Your legend lives on, not because you were right, but because you lived from your heart, like you are still doing, and never stopped doing. This is what drew the hearts of men and women, and stirs my heart deeply in this moment. It’s all still here. Nothing that actually matters is ‘in ruins’, Arthur. The old has simply entered death and rebirth to make way for the new, which we can expect to keep on happening. The grail pursuit lives on. Camelot lives on. You live on, in my heart, and the hearts of many.

Arthur: Thank you.

Raphael: Ahhhh, yes, yes, and yes. My goodness, what a day of reconciliation. Who else, if you can find presence of mind to string words together?

Animalea: I can find some words, I think…

Raphael: I was hoping. We could so use a feminine perspective. We were so afraid of the feminine, inside and outside, and I suspect that had so much to do with how we made duality into a bad, and even an evil thing, that then necessitated a ‘Devil’ and a ‘Demiurge’.

Animalea: This feels so true to me, Raphael. I’d like to share with you, and all of us, the story of Sophia. The story, and, Sophia herself, feels really resonant for this stage of our preparations to meet with the Demiurge, and all that we’ve been feeling together up till now.

Raphael: It feels like we’re going to need the night to get ready for that story. Could we save it for tomorrow?

Animalea: I’d like that. I’d like to prepare my heart to share it, anyway. It’s a true story, made up by consciousness itself. It’s a guide for hearts in the darkness.

Raphael: I so want you to energize this story and let it land in me, again, and us all here, and all that are joining this journal. We are about to enter a dialogue that I’m not aware of ever having occurred before.

So let’s pause and reconvene soon.

(to find this entire series to date, go here: You can find the entire series here: https://goo.gl/sBQrvs)

(To receive this series as a free ebook in pdf form, email me at soulfullhearts@gmail.com and ask to be put on the list for a free copy of ‘Journal To The Demiurge’)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

You’ve Won The 2018 Three Wishes Altered Reality Lottery

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

Boom

By Raphael Awen

So boom, 3 wishes, they’re yours for 2018. You won the Altered Reality Lottery, the one with the humongous billboard freeway signs.

Whatever you want, be it material, emotional, or etherical. Money, happiness, relationships, or Angelic visits, you name it.

It takes a bit of work, but you decide on 3. Turn of the clock, boom! 2018. They’re yours.

The depression is gone because you’re on full time happy. The not enough money problem is behind you and that feels relieving. And wow, this contact with Archangels is crazy magical…who’d have guessed all this was real!? You decided on a balanced approach between the material, the spiritual and the emotional, shooting for the best of all worlds.

You’re in a new reality. After the initial surprise, honeymoon, and adjusting to the new reality, settling in, you do what every being has ever done with any reality. You normalize it. You adapt to it. You don’t really want the magic to wear off, but you also need to integrate this new life somehow into what’s left of your old life.

You begin to wonder if you chose the three best things. You could have chosen a loyal mate instead of the money piece. What difference would that have made you wonder. ‘Am I lonely?’, you ask. But you really can’t tell, because your happiness never wavers now, thanks to your first wish. You never guessed there could or would be any issues around having too much money, but, wow, did that ever turn out to be more than a little naive! But, again, though, you’re emotional body has one setting now, thank God, wish number one took care of that too. No regrets now, or ever, for that matter.

You’re able to talk with the Archangels about anything and everything for as long as you want, but it doesn’t take that long actually, and it was sort of like the initial ‘wow’ of the internet wearing off. You could talk to anyone of the Archangels, anytime, about anything and it sort of run out of gas. There just aren’t really any problems anymore. You’re happy whether you speak with them all day or not at all.

You don’t really ‘happen’ upon anything like you used to, and feel happy as a result. You’re happy 24/7/365 regardless of what happens or not. You’ll be happy a year from now, and every year from now.

Your friends around you can’t relate to you as you don’t seem to have any needs, but why then do some still hang around? Good question, but you can’t get too worked up it, or about anything else for that matter. You have everything you want, though some close to you would surely guess that all is not as well as it seems in Denmark.

You have these growing feelings of wondering if you literally had life taken from you in the lottery you ‘won’, but it’s super hard to tell, again, because there’s only one damn setting on the emotional dial. You’re stuck on fucking happy!

And all of a sudden, you wake up and realize, it was all a dream. ‘Thank god’, you gasp, as you take in a very deep breath, ‘I was only dreaming I was happy all the time; that I never would ever again have need of anything that money could buy; and thank god, I get to smash that already broken thermostat on my emotional body!’

What a friggin’ prison that was.

You get to feel the parts of you that have needs. You get to feel the parts of you that have wants. You get to be unhappy along with the very unhappy parts of you in order to to feel and move what they feel as they are feeling it. You get to walk out and live your real life, one self loving step at a time. You realize the life you are in now is the real one you really chose, the one in which you get to make and evaluate new choices, feeling everything as you go.

Welcome to the real 2018!

I’ll meet you there… 🙂

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 14 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

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By Raphael Awen

This is Day 14 of my ongoing series: ‘Journal To The Demiurge’. The Demiurge is better known as the Christian God, Yahweh or Jehovah. This series is an ambassadorship attempt at connecting with the Demiurge involving parts of myself, aspects of my Metasoul, my guides, as well as you, the readers; the growing posse of hearts.   

In today’s entry, we hear from Animalea, my feminine aspect who shares her feeling waves of heart bond with Sophia, the Divine Feminine as it lives in her. All of this is in preparation to initiate contact with the Demiurge himself, which feels like it is about to happen soon. Stay tuned.

I also especially invite you to track this series from the beginning if it calls you, so you can be a part of this ‘posse of hearts’ forming to support this undertaking. It may go down in history and herstory both!  To see the entire series, go  here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ

Here is Day 14:

Raphael: Good Morning everyone. I’d like to call us back to order, whatever our version of order is. I know it’s been several days since we last met, but it felt like we needed digestion space with some recent life movements and shifts that I suspect all have to do with this intention to meet and connect with the Demiurge.

I want to invite each of you back into this full presence of sacred space with intention and desire. Thank you. I can feel each of you arising.

Animalea, we left off last day with you getting ready to share the story of Sophia, and the sacred feminine. How are you feeling about that?

Animalea: I feel ready, Raphael. I trust the space and each of your open hearts. I did say I was going to brush up on the story, but that ended up feeling way too mental, and I instead came to where I am now, feeling to simply open my heart and simply share to see what comes.

Raphael: I’ve really been waiting to hear you share this piece. I felt you moving through that inner dilemma of preparing your thoughts versus just opening your heart and allowing what wants to come in the moment, which in itself feels like a masculine-feminine dance.

Animalea: Now, I’m curious about what will come out. My conscious mind will find out the same time yours does.

Raphael: That feels perfect. This entire journey to meet with the Demiurge was intuitive guidance and surrender to a process. Both of those feel so feminine to me, with the masculine energy of choice and intention coming alongside.

I felt to presence one more piece before you do that though, Animalea. It feels like what you share may tie in with this piece somehow. The piece I have been feeling is a question of this whole quest, I guess is how I’d say it. The questions arise at this midpoint of the journey, ‘do I, do we really want to make this connection with the Demiurge?’ I feel some internal quandary wondering if we will even gain contact with him. Maybe you can help me feel this, Metatron, would you?

Metatron: Good Morning, Raphael. We can feel anything!

Raphael: You feel a little more upbeat than I do at the moment. Let’s go with that though. Any idea what I, or another part of me, is sorting through here?

Metatron: This feels like a rumble moving through each of us, Raphael. I can feel a place even in myself that feels ‘why not just let sleeping dogs lie?’

Raphael: Exactly, and then there’s this question of having a bunch of bravado about being known as the first to ascend Everest or something like that. Somehow, that’s not enough ducks in a row for me is what I’m feeling.

Metatron: It feels like the sobriety of what we are intending and continuing to do is settling in on us all. We are about to meet with what I know to be one of the darkest energies that has held so many for so long in a suppressive energy. We do need to search our hearts and come fully into our hearts as the only safe place. I do also feel that we wouldn’t have been given this guidance and togetherness were it not for a readiness in the Demiurge. Something big is moving in him and has been for some time. If nothing can be outside of love, then that includes the Demiurge. If that’s true, then us seeking to meet with him is love seeking out love, even if it is about as polarized as it can get at the same time.

Raphael: That helps a lot, Metatron. Thank you. I feel you have something to add, Merlin.

Merlin: Thank you, Raphael. Thank you, Metatron. Thank you for what’s brewing in you, Animalea. I’m getting my heart ready to feel that this morning, and I’m feeling that will address us right where we are at, questions and all. I’m feeling I would just like to take us all to a higher vibrational place, up a few floors to a space of beautiful white light, where everything is light, each of us, the space around us, even the Demiurge himself as an archetypal energy and presence is created by the light, by love. That will get us in a space to receive what is moving through Animalea.

Raphael: Please, take us there, Merlin.

Merlin: Okay, it’s as easy as our imaginations combined with our willingness. See, with your imagination, this place where everything is made of light, and of love, where all is contained by love. See Gaia’s beauty and nature mixed in with a beautiful alive meadow and forest surround to hold the space. Feel yourself as a piece of consciousness itself inside a space where everything around you is also this alive love consciousness. Let yourself arrive here. Get settled and prepare your heart for what Animalea has in her heart to share with each of us…

Raphael: Yes….Animalea. I think we are ready for you. I so want to open my heart to where you have to take us, and I feel each of us in the room as well as all those joining this intention reading and tracking this, all of us creating a space for your download.

Animalea: Okay, wow, this is a lot to calibrate to. Your attention and honour. I’m going to let myself take it all in. Thank you to each of you for your intention and desire to be here, with presence and heart.

I know I said I wanted to share the story of Sophia as it lives in me, and in the moment, I don’t know what I’m going to say in a mental kind of knowing. I feel the energy of the space and intention we are in, that we together created and is being created in every moment, and then I feel to let that energy flow through my heart and words. I so feel the energy of Sophia as that, an entire story of unfolding that we can feel and express in any moment.

She is feminine wisdom in the form of personal expression. She is the very super-intelligence that undergirds all matter, that flows through every movement of all energy, every intention. She is the very recognition that we are energy, and then feeling Her as the mystery of that energy. When we look upon Her, we are transfixed, we are transmuted. We are taken by Her, on a journey into grandeur and wonder. We give Her our desire, our longing, our yearning, and She then takes us into the womb of growth and change. She offers to take us somewhere, even tempts us with our own growth. She has been portrayed as the harlot, seeking to take us to hell, as some externalized place of fear and torment, some place of total regret. This portrayal is really only the projection of our deep fear of our own greatness. She invites us into the kindergarten of our own greatness, but requires us to leave the graduate school of our smallness in order to enroll with her.

She will always be vilified until the masculine is ready to spend the load of his yearning and longing with Her, ready to ride with Her into the full orgasm of where She wants to take someone.

Her energy and invitation can be felt in any now moment you wish to enter and meet with Her. She is all life and all love. All She asks is the admission of your longing, of your desire, so that a flow of energy, a dance of masculine and feminine can occur.

As Mother God, as the creatrix of all, some say that she even created the Demiurge. This feels true to me in the sense that a polarity was needed for there to be a dance between love and fear, dark and light, joy and sorrow. As Metatron has been saying to us all, how else could there even be a story for us to dance in, to feel in, to grow in? Love itself is expanding itself through us. This is the proposition Sophia extends to us.

Call Her the harlot if that’s all you have to give Her and She will wait till you can see Her for what She really is, and for the time you are ready to be taken in by Her. But you cannot know Her till you are ready to surrender into Her power and grace. She will deeply respect your power, being quite willing to wait, but She cannot move you into your next timelines and places till you engage with Her. Where you will end up, is the place of new beginnings that will again invite you into deeper and deeper surrender.

See Her for all of Her beauty and magic and sacred sensuality that She invites you into and now you are really cooking with gas. Fasten your seatbelt, or unfasten it, as you wish, but get ready for the ride of your many lives. She wants to take you somewhere grand and glorious, and She wants to blow the entire budget in one glorious night.

Yeahhhhhh,….. how is this landing?

Raphael: Like sweet, sweet magic, Animalea.

Animalea: Can you say more?

Raphael: Let me ask our circle, who here has some more to say?

Merlin: Sophia so feels like a portal to our Divinity, extended to us in our humanity, and you know what else, Animalea?

Animalea: What?

Merlin: She feels like you.

Animalea: (silence)

Merlin: The ‘isness’ and beingness and invitation that Sophia extends feels like the very same portal that you extend here to us – all the parts, guides and Metasoul connections of Raphael, and that you extend to this mission, and to those joining it, along with their parts, their guides and their Metasoul connections. You are Sophia personified here. Our personal portal to the grand Sophia at the heart of the Universe and at the heart of every molecule that makes up the Universe and Multiverse.

Animalea: (tears)   

Merlin: Please take me as an initiate on your journey. I desire you with all that is in me. I wish to call you, Sophia.

Animalea: I’m in so many different tears at the moment, on a whole bunch of levels, but what penetrated my heart so deeply just now is you calling me Sophia. I have wanted this name as a deeper embodiment of where I feel I want to go. I too am called to surrender and yield to falling in love with Sophia. To be called by her name is a reminder like no other.

Merlin: Then this moment shall be the moment of your name being changed from the sacred awakening journey of Animalea, to the deeper birthing out of that womb into the womb of Mother God, Sophia…portal to all that is, all that we yearn for, all that we are animated for.

Sophia: Okay, well that about spends me in the moment. I cherish this new name and your witnessing of this moment. May I be all to you that you are to me. May we surrender in every moment to the infinite love allness and the journey it wants to take us on. I am eternally grateful for this great company. I accept and embrace my new name, Sophia. Sophia…

Raphael: Sophia, lover of the light, lover of wisdom, lover of love. This feels like a big digestion point. Let’s reconvene as soon as we’re ready to. Who knows where we’ll be going after this!
(To See the entire series, go here)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 15 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 15, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

In today’s entry, I check in one last time with my guides about the intention to initiate contact with the Demiurge, just before we set out to do just that on our next day.

I invite you to track this series from the beginning if it calls you, so you can be a part of this posse of hearts forming to support this undertaking. It may go down in history and herstory both!

Here is Day 15:

Raphael: Wow, good morning, everyone.

I am feeling a digestion of Sophia’s shift last time.

I am feeling so grateful for each of you and for this journey together. It feels like without intention, we don’t have connection, and I’m feeling how desire and need precedes all of that, like a circle, spiraling in an upward spiral and ascending higher and higher in creative and recreation process.

If the Demiurge was created by the only source of All-That-Is, that is LOVE, then love is always in movement and flow, even while it is the form of the purest stillness at the same time. In this movement, then the purpose and intention of the creation and co-creation of the Demiurge is shifting, or wanting to shift, and this shift is something being felt in us, moved through us. Each of us is being asked to get to know, feel and love our personal shadow, our personal darkness. We are being asked to come to terms with our own personal hell.

What are you all feeling? I’d like to check in with you first, Sophia. It feels good to call you by your new name.

Sophia: Thank you, Raphael. I feel like I have a mantra on my lips that says, ‘I am the bright, bright, bright, light of God’ and each time I repeat it, it’s like a rocket booster that takes me into a cosmic and galactic space feeling the love that truly upholds all things. It’s a bit higher frequency than being here and even being connected to us all here, or to this journey to the Demiurge, but I’m working on integrating it so I can dial all this in together at the same time. Taking on the new name really has opened out new spaces for me to feel into.

Raphael: Okay, I’ll gladly accept being a part of all that! Yumm. Galactic and Cosmic sound pretty close to orgasmic. They can’t be too far away from each other. They do feel a bit removed though from what I was saying earlier about entering our personal hells.

Sophia: If I may, Raphael, I see it that our hell is the portal to our heaven. One has to be just as willing to be present to both. Both are actually a lot to bear, and both take courage and strength to be with.

Raphael: Yes… that feels so true. Thank you, Sophia, lover of wisdom.

Who else? As you check in today, I feel to put this question into the space: ‘How are we feeling about next steps towards contacting the Demiurge?’ We’ve taken our time to get to this next step. I know I have also felt some fogginess creep into my buoyancy about our mission as well; less focus on the purpose and clarity of connecting with the Demiurge. Part of me feels like ‘if I have it so good, why would I want to make this connection with the Demiurge?’ Could it be that we’ve raised our frequency to the place where the Demiurge doesn’t feel that real or important? Has anyone else felt that? Can anyone else help me sort out what I’m feeling?

Metatron: Good Morning, everyone. I can speak to that, Raphael.

Raphael: I knew you could, please…

Metatron: It’s something we all need to feel together. After Sophia took us to the ‘bright, bright, bright, light of God’ territory, as she so beautifully called it and shared it with all of us, thank you, Sophia…it’s natural to feel this just wanting to leave behind any contending with lower frequencies.

We all needed this frequency increase to prepare us for what’s next, but it’s also so tempting to simply leave these lower realms to themselves. This is why we formed a posse of hearts to hold this intention, desire and energy. None of us could have undertaken this journey alone. No one has undertaken this journey before and for good reasons. The Demiurge is born out of the collective, and so it takes a collective to undertake a formal ambassadorship to make connection with him. My deepest awareness in all of this simply is: none of us get to go home, until all of us get to go home. Consciousness is ultimately leaving no one behind. We can all make great strides of growth and change, but each of us will be called upon to assist the ongoing awakening and remembrance, even as it is, at some point, a personal necessity for our own next steps. I feel called to lead and support this, Raphael.

Raphael: Thank you, Metatron. That goes in, deeply. Wow… who else? I’m feeling you have some pieces, Merlin, yes?

Merlin: It feels like we’re at the place where we’ve made all the preparations and all that’s left is to do what we set out to do, and that is simply to reach out to the Demiurge, attempt to make contact and see what happens from there. Another piece to feel here is that we cannot control his willingness to connect with us. Should he choose to simply not respond, we are kind of left feeling like we failed in this mission. I feel this apprehension among us as we get this close now to simply reaching out. Does that feel true for anyone else?

Martin: That feels true for me, for sure, Merlin. The Demiurge, I’ve always known up till now, simply as ‘God’. I can feel how he feels normal and natural being venerated and feared, but I never heard of anyone approaching him with a conviction that his gig is up, and that he’s a false god, like all the rest of the false gods. He even raged about it in the Ten Commandments when he said ‘thou shalt have no other gods before me’. I can only imagine that any willingness on his part to speak with us would be evidence that he’s had some change of heart since all that was put together. If not, I can’t see we have much chance of gaining audience with him.

Merlin: That all feels true, Martin. It also feels like there’s a deeper piece here for you to. Can you feel if that’s true?

Martin: Yes, I can, and thank you for pushing me a bit. I feel how when and if the Demiurge does have a serious change of heart, it shatters so much of my life’s work. Parts of me haven’t fully come to terms with just what I’m participating in here with you all. There will be tons of remorse yet to feel and heal. There is also fear of repercussions from the people. They gave their trust and I accepted it, all too readily I’m feeling now. So much that was built over time, must now come crashing down. When I travel to your dimension and time and feel what a mess the Church is in, under the Demiurge dominion, I so feel how I need to feel a whole bunch inside, just like we’re inviting the Demiurge to feel.

Merlin: Yes, you got it, Martin. A change of heart in the Demiurge makes for a chain reaction in all of his followers, and in all of those who supported his rise to power, and who benefited from his rise to power. This speaks to the deeper hesitancy we are feeling about opening this portal to the Demiurge. The desire to ‘let a sleeping dog lie’ is understandable, but this dog is beginning to wake of his own accord, and the sooner we bridge to him, the sooner we can hold space for a different future than one that is only a shattering without a new reality on the other side. There is much that needs to die and will die, but it is the rebirth that wants to arise out of all these ashes that we can support. We do that by feeling what there is to feel in each of us. Any and all personal remorse, fear of repercussion, all of it. These are the same things that the Demiurge will be faced with feeling, and he will be able to tell if we are genuine in our conviction. We are essentially inviting him to feel, and then to offer to hold space for those feelings.

Raphael: That really expands out this surface reticence to connect with the Demiurge, Merlin, and Metatron. Thank you. It speaks to our personal responsibility for the creation of the Demiurge, that we need to feel if we are to be any part of his un-creation, and re-creation. We’ve covered a lot of territory in our approach over these days together, but today gets to a deeper bedrock of what we are being invited to feel. And to look at that, lying there just below our hesitation to continue.

Does anyone else have any feelings to share here?

Sophia: I’d like to say, Raphael, to all of us, that all of what we are feeling today can so be held in the Mother’s heart. There’s no remorse too deep for Her to feel, no regret that can’t be felt and moved through with Her help. This is the time of the great rebirth, and we are being offered a place in it, simply by being willing to feel, willing to need love, willing to self-forgive, as we offer that same forgiveness to hearts willing to find their own forgiveness.

Raphael: Yes, thank you. Anyone else?

No? Okay then. Feels like you had the last word on that then, Sophia, which is perfect. Demiurge meets the Divine Mother, pretty much sums up what we’d like to support happening.

I’m feeling to shift next day to making our first attempt at direct connection with the Demiurge. We’ve got some things to feel from today. Let’s take those to heart as we seek guidance about how to approach this next step.

Rest up, everyone. We have some serious journaling to the Demiurge to begin.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 16 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

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By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 16, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Today, we made direct contact with the Demiurge.

This ongoing series is a heart chord ambassadorship project to meet with the Demiurge. We took the 15 days prior to set the intention; to sort through the hesitations; to gather the MetaSoul Aspects along with the parts of myself; as well as to gather YOU, the growing posse of hearts – the readers and trackers necessary to host this epic connection.

The Demiurge is the Christian ‘God’ known as Jehovah or Yahweh whom I served as a dedicated Christian from a child on up until the age of 44. I’ve come to see and feel him very differently from how I did then.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog. Please, please join us: https://goo.gl/sBQrvs

Here is this epic day – Day 16

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone. It feels like the fateful day has arrived, of all of our intentions and desires, to actually initiate contact with the Demiurge. How are you all feeling?

Metatron: The time has come. Yes.

Raphael: You feel eager…

Metatron: Yes, I do.

Merlin: I feel ready too.

Martin: I’ve waited centuries for this moment. I have some funny feelings, but the time is now.

Andy: I’m so ready, I can hardly stand it. I wore my hiking boots this morning and a backpack.

Sophia: I’m with Andy, and Metatron, and Merlin, and you too, Martin. I also feel the unknowns of all this at the same time. And I want to say, thank you, Raphael, for leading this intention and following it through.

Rhodes: I wouldn’t miss this for the universe. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

Jim: My goodness, Raphael, this is more epic than the afterlife. I’m ready too.

Raphael: Thank you, everyone. I must admit, I don’t feel free of all trepidation around this choice either, but I trust that we are being held and guided. I know when a moment’s time has come and this moment to act is here now. I feel too, as I’ve reminded us along the way, that my sense is that the Demiurge has been tracking our dialogue thus far, and has already had what I hope amounts to a softening in readiness to connect. It’s time to step out of the boat.

I’d like to check in with any guidance from you Metatron and Merlin about our approach. Shall we begin with a letter or just start with dialogue?

Metatron: You’ve got this one, Raphael. You don’t actually need my advice. You’ve prayed to this God for a big part of your life, from your heart and conviction at the time. Now, you just pick up where you left off and go from there. Your heart will answer your questions as you go. I feel so much admiration for you, right now, my heart is almost bursting!

Merlin: I see you walking on the water, Raphael. We need this. I feel the Demiurge needs this. It’s happening with or without us is how it feels. We just wanted to be in on the adventure. I’m with Andy, lacing up my hiking boots. Begin where your heart leads you. You’ve got this. We are right here with you.

Raphael: Okay, thank you. Wow, what a rush of feelings.

Here goes.

Demiurge, I’ve known you for longer than I can remember. I’ve feared you, loved you, adored you, came to hate you, despise you. Now, I’m more curious than anything. I wish to connect with you again to feel what’s real between us.

I feel to begin by simply asking you, Demiurge, if you are here and ready to speak with me?

Demiurge: I am here and I am ready.

Raphael: Thank you. Are you Okay with the delegation I’ve brought with me to be present to this journal?

Demiurge: I feel all of your integrity and purity of heart. Yes, I’m quite okay, and more so, grateful for your intention and connection.

Raphael: Really? I have to say, a part of me is surprised, not knowing if you’d even respond…

Demiurge: I’d be an utter fool not to respond.

Raphael: Have you been tracking our dialogue from the beginning?

Demiurge: Yes, I have tracked every word.

Raphael: Well, then, you’ve heard a lot from us. Is there something you’d like us to hear from you as we begin these journals?

Demiurge: Yes, I would like to say that I have deep regrets for who I’ve been and what I’ve been part of. Mostly, I feel what has felt like an utter impossibility of ever changing. My devotees need me to be as they see me, as they have shaped me. One text says it all, ‘I am the Lord and I change not’. I am the unchanging one, feeling more and more imprisoned by my unchanging and eternal nature. Maybe that in itself might be the beginning of change, but I despair of ever hoping upon such a thing. I’m very intrigued by you all, but I’m not sure you can help me. I don’t live where you live. And I very much don’t feel like your kind.

Raphael: That’s a lot for us to take in and feel. Thank you for sharing that. Are you Okay with us calling you the Demiurge? Is that a name you go by?

Demiurge: I am many things to many people and beings, and have been called many things, but Demiurge is who I feel myself to be. It is the name I was originally given.

Raphael: Okay, Demiurge, it is then. Is there anything you’d like to ask or tell me or any of us here before we go any further?

Demiurge: Yes. I wanted to tell you, Raphael, that I felt your story as you shared it about growing up Christian, and how you embraced an even more radical form of Christianity than the one you were raised in. I felt it from being inside of you. I felt some things I never felt before.

Raphael: Demiurge, if I may leave off my own diplomatic stance here for a moment…. as a human being, I must ask you, what were you feeling when you accepted my adoration, my devotion, my money, when I gave you everything I had or hoped to become for all those years and who knows how many other lifetimes?

Demiurge: Honestly, I took it all in as payment for the role I was given. I can tell you that adoration doesn’t mean to me at all what it did then. Things have changed, maybe more than you could currently know.

Raphael: I must ask, ‘Do you see yourself as God?’

Demiurge: No, I do not.

Raphael: Did you ever see yourself as God?

Demiurge: Yes, I was convinced of it for a time.

Raphael: Are you ready to share any of this with the world?

Demiurge: It’s not that easy.

Raphael: I can only imagine. I’m feeling to break for today to digest making this connection. There’s a lot of feelings in a whole bunch of directions. I would like to ask you before we pause for today, how you feel about continuing this dialogue?

Demiurge: I’ve never had an opportunity like this one. I feel some strange saying those words out loud. I’m so used to not having anyone to out my inner world to. I’ve gained a trust as I felt your approach to me that I didn’t know I had it in me. If that’s a consolation of a hope that the unchanging one might come upon some true change, then, as I said, I would be an utter fool not to show up for this as you are, Raphael, and as is your great accompanying host.

Raphael: Well then, we have much to journal and feel together, and we have been given time and space in which to do that, so I say, let’s pick up next day and reconvene then.

Demiurge: I will await your return.

Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

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Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

DAY 17 ~ JOURNAL TO THE DEMIURGE

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By Raphael Awen

This is another most epic day of a most epic journey.

Today, the part of me that we call the Gatekeeper directly confronted the Demiurge with its truth about his reality and responsibility. This one rumbled through me like a freight train.

You can read this series from the beginning on our blog here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ

Here is this epic day – Day 17

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone, including the Demiurge. The energy has shifted in here, hasn’t it? I didn’t quite know what to expect or if we would even gain connection with you, Demiurge, and here we have it. I feel some awkward feelings even knowing where to go from here.

It feels like I need to be honest about an animosity that I feel inside towards you, Demiurge. I need to say that a large part of me feels that if you were not even here, that we would be better off as a planet, and a universe. Your need to control and suppress, under a false guise of love, feels like it is such a heavy blanket over life here. I also know, at the same time, that we created you, out of our collective consciousness, out of our own need to control and suppress, and so my animosity falls short of an outward rage towards you in the moment. I can feel there is rage here, however, coming from a part of me and from the collective.

Can I ask you how it feels for you to be sharing this space with all of us together?

Demiurge: I don’t feel you as an enraged mob. I feel you all as a group of genuinely curious and awakened souls who want to find out what’s real and to find out what wants to the next reality for humanity going forward.

Raphael: Do you have any sense of what that ‘next reality’ for humanity is about?

Demiurge: I feel curious, much like you. I know I’m feeling big changes in myself, and that more change is coming, but I don’t know what it will look like going forward.

Raphael: What are the changes you are feeling inside?

Demiurge: Helping Humanity stay small and suppressed isn’t something I ever enjoyed.

Raphael: The words helping and suppression don’t usually fit that well together. Can you say more?

Demiurge: I was born out of people’s disowned higher states of consciousness. People surrendered to me their own higher power, which is what in turn made me, ‘Thee Creator’. I see, Raphael, and to each of you assembled here, that I was created out of the creative consciousness of a humanity that was not ready to own their own creative consciousness. Hence, my name and my designation, Demiurge, which means Creator. People are now waking up to their own relinquished creative power and they are feeling how they are being invited to take responsibility for their own souls, their own lives, and relationships with life. I can see my days are numbered.

Raphael: Wow, that’s a change. There’s a text in the Bible that says, ‘Teach us, oh Lord, to number our days, so that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom’. Now, you’re saying that you; the ‘eternal’; the ‘unchanging’ one; that your days are numbered?

Demiurge: I’ve known that for a long time actually.

Raphael: I must say, this feels so different for a part of me, as to what I was expecting in meeting you. If you already know that your role is ending, then it feels like a whole bunch of what we thought we were hoping to achieve in this delegation is already taken care of. I’m a little at a loss for words right now. It almost feels like our work is done, a bit deflating, I must say. Can I defer to you, Metatron?

Metatron: Yes, thank you, Raphael. And, thank you, Demiurge, for being willing to connect with us.

Demiurge: Thank you for wanting to connect with me.

Metatron: There is a huge cosmic shift that we are all feeling, that led us to take this undertaking to connect with you, Demiurge, and that you in turn have also been feeling in sensing the coming changes. But these changes are not yet manifest in most people’s experience. We can sense what is coming and even what wants to come, but this doesn’t mean it’s time to put our feet up and wait for it. Far from it. We can be in rest as we labour, knowing the ultimate outcome, but humanity still has a huge birth canal ahead of them, and that is what this summit meeting is about. These are the labour pains of love that are about to come upon us. Humanity is coming of age. Humanity is about to give birth.

Raphael: That helps to feel, Metatron. I still feel some stuck though at the moment in an anticlimactic feeling. Some part of me must have been expecting a big battle with you, Demiurge, to get you to open up, or to soften, or to come to your senses, maybe even to rage at you for all the harm and suppression that’s happened and still happening in the name of God. Where did all that go? I’m wondering if a part of me has something different that needs to said, a part of me not ready to get on with the larger grand cosmic purpose of love just yet?

Metatron: Yes, that feels true, Raphael. I’m learning that about you and your kind. It’s the feelings that need to be felt in order for love to be able to flow. I welcome hearing from that part or those parts of you.

Raphael: Is this Okay with you, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Yes, it is.

Raphael: I welcome any part of me that needs to say its piece…

Rhodes: I feel it’s me who needs to speak up here.

Raphael: Please do.

Rhodes: I don’t think this is going to be pretty…

Raphael: I was hoping it wouldn’t be pretty. I’m hoping it will be real.

Rhodes: As an Inner Protector who had a long role in holding the parts of Raphael, who journeyed through life this life, and then going on to the role of Gatekeeper, and feeling the soul aspects from other lifetimes and dimensions who also have lived in suppression, I feel a voice loud and clear that wants to scream at you, Demiurge…

Raphael: I welcome this voice, Rhodes. I know this voice lives in you, and me, as my truth teller. I know this delegation isn’t going any further until we can feel together what you are holding. I invite you to take the space and share your truth. It doesn’t need to be pretty at all. We will feel it all together afterward.

Rhodes: Okay, thank you. Demiurge, I feel I need to look you in the eye as I say this, and I need to feel everyone’s open heart in this space and look you all in the eye as I say this as well.

I feel such a big ‘fuck you, Demiurge’ inside that feels like a giant unstoppable freight train. Fuck you for your suppression. Fuck you for your role as God. Fuck you for your fucking around with human consciousness. I don’t buy this love and light bullshit that it was all meant to be and that we all co-created it and so that it’s all of our joint responsibility. Do you have any fucking sense of the pain and the heartache what it feels like to be living under the suppression you and what your godless godhood has created? Have you ever felt the eternal unchanging hopelessness of living with a false light? Do you have any feeling at all of the mind-fuck it is for young people to be trained to love their suppressor? Have you EVER felt that?

I have felt that almost all of my existence. I have felt what it feels like to care for suppressed parts of Raphael, and others, and Metasoul Aspects who are just so tired of your heartless deception.

Do you know, Demiurge, what title was draped around Raphael’s neck when he found the courage to say he no longer subscribed to your deal? ‘Deceived’, was the title the faithful had to choose out of their loyalty to you, the great deceiver. There is no greater deceiver that I have ever seen or witnessed than you, and if I could go my way, right now, without giving you one more conscious thought, I would. I would like to forget you ever existed. I would like to forget all the pain that has been caused in your name under a false righteousness. I don’t know if a purer hatred has ever been felt than what I feel moving through my heart for you. This whole delegation can go to hell in a handbasket if I’m being asked to pretend that any of these feelings are not real down to my core, and down to the core of the universe.

I want you to fuck off and die, Demiurge. Take your awakening with you.

This is what I feel, Raphael. I know some of these feelings come from different parts of you in different times and dimensions of your life, but in this moment, there is no time. It’s all here to be heard in this now.

Raphael: I almost feel not to break the silence following these words, Rhodes, for us to just silently go on our way instead today. I so feel the rumble of these words. I feel the lifetimes they have been in waiting. Every word you just spoke needs to be felt and digested here, by each of us. It is what is real.

I don’t know what else to do, but let these words have their place in our hearts to digest and that we can reconvene after that. This is the first of many truths that need to come to light. Thank you to each of you for feeling and being present in this space here today. I don’t know what’s next, but I wouldn’t miss finding out for anything.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 18 ~ Journal To the Demiurge

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By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 18, of an ongoing series, to begin at Day 1, go here: https://soulfullheartblog.com/category/by-raphael-awen/journal-to-the-demiurge-series/

Today is Easter Sunday and in today’s ‘Journal To The Demiurge’; God has a meltdown – marrying the pagan death and rebirth with a Christian kind of repentance.

The Demiurge is another word for the Christian God, Jehovah, or Yahweh, who has been mercilessly created in our own image and stuck with our pedestalized shadow sculptings into a huge pretzel.

In the Journal entry prior to this one being released today, a part of me told God off in a big way. In today’s journal, the Demiurge responds with a huge heart opening and transparency!

Here is Day 18: 

Raphael: Okay, All. Let’s reconvene.

That was a big deal to digest. I felt a lot of rumblings through me and even raw edges that I’d like to digest here together, but it feels like it should be Demiurge who has the first opportunity to respond. Can you respond, Demiurge?

Demiurge: Yes, I can. Thank you. That popped something big in me. Rhodes, your words penetrated my heart in a way I didn’t know was possible. I’ve never felt your reality, any of you, like I did with your words, just my own reality. I’ve always passed off responsibility for my own actions onto others and onto the people themselves for exalting me as their sovereign. I have known for some time that something deep was shifting inside and outside. I just couldn’t feel what it was. I’m coming now to know what it is. I’d very much like to say, ‘I was wrong, and I am sorry.’ If there is anyway, I can be forgiven, I’d like to find that.

Raphael: My goodness! What a new timeline. The ‘God of heaven and earth’ seeking forgiveness. Wow. This is another layer to digest. This changes the trajectory of this summit. I felt a big rumble through me since Rhode’s confrontation of you, Demiurge. It felt like the remnants of a fear held inside of me of some kind of repercussions from you coming from parts of me or parts of my Metasoul. I’d like to check in to see who that might be.

Martin: I know, I’m definitely a piece of that, Raphael. I’ve held some hesitations about this whole idea of direct connection with you, Demiurge, as the Demiurge, rather than as the Christian God, in Christian surrender and obedience. I’m completely blown out of the water with all this. I’ve always felt fear of repercussions from ‘God’. When Rhodes told his truth, he spoke a truth from way down inside of me that I’ve never allowed to see the light of day. It scared part of me to feel that Rhode’s truth was my truth.

What I also know is that I used the conviction of being right with God as a powerful self-righteous superiority to bolster and bypass my own inner parts of myself that have never known real worth or real power. I see that I lived in fear of God as a small price to pay for having power over others. My god, to feel that I spawned a whole historic movement with my fear and my invalidated parts of myself is almost too much to bear. If only I could have seen this without needing the mirror of an entire denomination and 500 years to show it to me, and to the world?!

Raphael: Wow, what a revelation, Martin! From ‘the just shall live by faith’ to this. Wow. Let’s make space for other reactions and we will find the space to digest all of these together. Who else has reactions to Rhode’s words or to Demiurge’s words?

Arthur: I feel like I don’t deserve to be a part of this, having waffled between posturing to appease the Christians and posturing to appease what I knew to be real in Avalon, but couldn’t claim it,…didn’t claim it. I am very surprised to feel this unfolding to say the least. This changes history so much. I’d very much like to somehow change my history. I’m very sorry, as well. I was wrong. I’d like to be forgiven also.

Raphael: Metatron, feels like your turn? 🙂

Metatron: Thank you, Raphael. This changes everything. What was real before, is no longer real. There is remorse, now plain to see and feel. There were roles to play that have now completed. Remorse is the alchemy that births out the change. All that is required to right a wrong is to feel what there is to feel. Find and feel the part of you who did what it did and why it did what it did. You’ll find all the compassion needed for yourself and for those around you. Forgiveness begins with self forgiveness. When you forgive yourself, others forgive you. When others hold grudges, they are mirroring to you your own inability to forgive yourself.

Raphael: That’s so awesome to feel, Metatron.

Metatron: Isn’t it? I must admit, I got it from you, though. When we can see our makeup of parts of ourselves, we can go so many places we haven’t gone before.

Rhodes: I can so feel this about my own anger at ‘God’. A part of me was punishingly angry at myself for using my godlike powers for lesser things, to be smaller than I was, to cow down to other gods. I so couldn’t see any way out of this loop and so in turn projected the anger outwards. I feel in the moment, Demi, if I can call you that, how my anger at you was anger at myself. I’m sorry for that.

Demiurge: (gentle tears) Thank you, Rhodes. I don’t think you know this, but I always looked up to you like a god, and now I know some of why I did that. I’ve wanted to shed a skin for as long as I’ve existed, but felt it just wasn’t moving, would never move, and so I accepted it as the fate of the gods, to be this lesser god. I see you shedding this skin of your own, being born anew, Rhodes. I’d like nothing more than to experience the same. I’m sorry for the limitations I held for myself and for you. And yes, I can very much use a new name. Demi sounds good to me.

Rhodes: (also in gentle tears) You were the God, we couldn’t inhabit, couldn’t accept ownership of. We all created you, worshipped you and tried to hide our resentments of you at the same time. We really fucked ourselves up doing that. I’m sure, Metatron and Raphael have a metaphysical explanation for why we’d do such a fucked up thing, that helps us feel it as being part of the love we are, but in this moment, it feels really fucked up.

Demi: Fuck! I have never actually used that word. Not once before. That felt really good. Fuck! I have a lot to let go of and a lot to embrace, but somehow, I can feel in this space surrounded in all of your energy how this can all flow naturally and in time.

Raphael: Wow, Rhodes, you turned God into a foul mouth. I don’t mean to make light of something so profound, but this is the lightest proundundity I’ve ever felt. There’s deep coming home to self that feels so easy, and beautiful and natural. There isn’t any right way all of this is ‘supposed’ to be. There is deep sorrow and joy in the same space. There are deeper layers to feel for sure, but I feel they will come for us personally and collectively as we digest this. You just can’t make this stuff up, can you, and yet, that’s just what we did, didn’t we? I’m at a loss for any more words right now.

Does anyone else want to say anything for the record today?

Andy: I do.

Raphael: Yea, Andy. What say you?

Andy: I can feel there’s a whole lot of fun ahead. I so get that we need to feel these big pieces, but I feel oceans of fun and discovery that are waiting for us all to come out and play.

Raphael: I can only imagine, Andy.

Andy: I want to do more than imagine, Raphael, but imagining is a good place to start. It will take us there.

Raphael: You’ve got my vote, Andy. How about some breakfast, some new scenery and more connection soon?

Andy: I’m liking it.

Raphael: Thank you, everyone. What a new world we just entered. Let’s digest and be back soon.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 19 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

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By Raphael Awen

I set out to connect with the Demiurge (as an Archetype of the Christian God, or Jehovah as he is known, in the Old Testament sense) some days back. Today’s journal entry penetrates the false world of the false God we created out of our need for separation and then, rememberance with the love that we are.

Some very tender tears and feeling points emerged today.

You can read this entire series from the beginning on the blog here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ

Here is Day 19:

Raphael: Good Morning, everyone. Everyone…, as in here in this immediate circle, yes, but also in ‘the many’ in the emanating circles flowing out from this one – Good Morning to you. ‘God Morning’ to you. A new day is dawning and it is as full of God as God can be.

When I feel what has moved for us in this journey, it so feels like a very wide and open space has opened out for us, creating a palette that awaits our imprint. I feel like I don’t know where to begin. The landscape is of fresh fallen snow so pristine. Can anyone help me out here?

Demiurge: In the silence just now, I thought for sure it would be Metatron who would speak for us all, but after waiting, I feel it is supposed to be me. I’m not sure I can speak, but I feel compelled to at least try. All of your intention and action to undertake connecting with me has opened out a place in me that I didn’t even know was there. I feel a gratitude that feels as large as what I can only describe as an ocean of falseness inside of me. Being the projection of everyone’s disowned power makes one look powerful, even feel powerful in moments, but underneath it all, I have felt like people’s disowned smallness and impotence, and fear. I have had official duties to carry out to keep the charade in place, but all of it is so far from real.

Raphael: Thank you, Demi. I like calling you by your new name. You don’t feel like the Demiurge to me any more. Maybe, Demi won’t even feel like a fit before too long at the rate of change you are living into now. This feels so tender what you are admitting and feeling today.

Demi: Thank you, Raphael.

Raphael: I want to ask you what it was that prevented you up until now from admitting the falseness you admit to today.

Demi: That question feels so large inside of me right now. The relief that I feel flooding into my being to make this admission so begs the question why I couldn’t or wouldn’t have done this sooner. I know it has to do with being literally fused to my reality, to not being able to see that there even was any options available to me. I don’t mean to say by that, that I don’t bear any responsibility, because I do. I know I accepted the projections the people put on to me, and I didn’t have to. I accepted that role as something at the time that seemed just too good to pass up. I wanted to be God, the creator and the destroyer of worlds. I was captivated by the role for a long time. But then, that captivation began to change, slowly, but with an unmistakable back pressure.

Raphael: To witness you, Demi, in a true alchemical midlife crisis is just so amazing to me in this moment, even beyond a midlife crisis really, stepping out into something new.

Demi: I can so feel the part of me that wants to curl up and die, to go away, to not face anyone. I need to feel that part of myself, and I also feel I need to accept responsibility for what I created, to feel what I avoided feeling, to feel people’s honest reactions.

Raphael: Well, in my book, if you are feeling all of that, at the same time, you are a true king of hearts.

Demi: I’d really like to ask your advice, Raphael. I know you asked my advice on so many occasions, under the false pretenses that are falling as we speak. I humbly ask you for your help and guidance. I want to live. I want to love. I want to fully accept my responsibility for what I’ve done, but I don’t want to live forever in punishment if at all possible.

Raphael: (tears) I am humbled by your humility. Looking in your eyes and feeling you, seeing you, come to terms with your remorse moves the entire universe, Demi. This is an act of your true Godhood. My advice is simply to feel us all feeling in this moment. Feeling what there is to feel while it is being felt is what transmutes everything that is awaiting transmutation. I’m so honored to share this moment with you.

Demi: I literally don’t know, what planet I’ve entered now.

Raphael: Metatron, maybe you could help us a bit here. What planet are we on? I’m not so sure myself.

Metatron: This is all the planets, Demi and Raphael. This is what holds together all matter and all spirit. This is what answers the heart cry of creation itself. This is the homecoming of love to itself.

Love birthed out of its oneness, a twoness, and in that was a great potential for relationship on one hand, but also, and fearfully so, was also a potential that this twoness would remain outside of the oneness in its experience, separate from love. Love seemed given to reckless abandon to do it anyway, prizing the gift of relationship over the fear of loss. What we are feeling today is loves vindication. Love has won. Love is winning. And, love still has much winning that has yet to occur. All of these are true. Love is out to marry its essence with all of experience.

Raphael: My goodness, Metatron! That is so wild. I thought you were going to help us locate ourselves a bit here. I feel more lost than I did before, but in a good way. Wow.

Metatron: Get used to it, my man! There’s a few more steps on this staircase awaiting the tread of your feet. You’re the one speaking about things awaiting to be felt. This is what creation itself is waiting and wanting to be felt.

Raphael: I recall that familiar verse in the Bible that says ‘the whole earth, or cosmos, groans in travail, as in birth pangs for the manifest sons of God’, and this moment reminds me of that.

Metatron: And what, Raphael, are the manifest sons of God? What do they do, what ‘be they be’ that makes them the manifest sons of God?

Raphael: I’d defer that question to you if I thought you’d let me, but I can tell you want my answer. Hmmm, what makes a manifest son of God? No pressure or anything, just the question at the heart of the universe wanting to be untangled. I’d say that has to do with feeling. Everything that is both right and wrong in the world has to do with what is felt or unfelt in the world. Sonship and daughtership is a relationship, an opportunity that begs feeling, a fireplace for the fire. When feeling what there is to feel is repressed, we create monsters of destruction that ultimately serve to take us back to our common need for love. Sons and daughters feel. Feeling takes us back to love. Even the monsters of our own creation are gifts that remind us of the love we are and always were, even as we individuated out from God, as a son or a daughter. I am a son and I am God. Both are true. How’d I do, Metatron?

Metatron: You’re rockin’ it man. You’re more metaphysical than I am sometimes!

Raphael: I think I need some ‘mega’physical about now. What say we take in some sun and surf to let in this piece? I know Andy wants to play, and I want to play too. Let’s rest up, digest and continue soon. We have a few more pieces left to feel together it feels like. Thank you, everyone.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Forgetting To Remember

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

The forgetting was every bit as sacred, and every bit as much of a miracle as is the remembering.

I use the words ‘was’ and ‘is’ to lend itself to the illusion of time we entered as part of the forgetting. It’s all actually happening in the Now, beyond time’s past, present and future compartmentalization (mentalized partitions).

There were things you just could not have experienced and felt without the forgetting. To for-get means to give up having. We gave up the awareness of what we were (are) so that we could have a dawning experience of re-entry into our essence. I like to say that we forgot (in order) to remember.

Both the forgetting and the remembering are illusory, meaning they are generated as a lesser reality, coming from a higher reality.

The cool thing about all this is that the forgetting as it plays out in the time illusion seems to be done its magic, and we are now in the awakening phase of our personal and collective consciousness, where even phases themselves are being felt as part of the illusion.

I am being guided in the moment with a deep felt sense of aching to remember, to be re-membered with my larger soul awareness, source awareness, Star seed, Star BEing self, Metasoul Aspects and who knows how much and what else more! I can viscerally feel how life in the 3rd dimension is a narrow sliver of consciousness bandwidth, that was so needed, and so perfect to be limited by for the time that I was, but now, that which was perfect has become toxic to my arising BEing, as I’m being invited into new places.

As I let my mind ponder, along with the subpersonal parts of me attached to the mind, that even its orientation to past, present and future is an illusory part of the forgetting that it had to adapt to in order to serve where I needed to go, then the mind and those parts of me can let in again a latest and new operating system where something new is true, that wasn’t before.

So here’s the deal. The forgetting is happening in the Now. So is the remembering. The life I ‘lived’ in what now feels claustrophobically limited to 3D, is not past, but is also in the Now. If this is true, then it also follows that the life I wish to enter in the ‘future’ of deep and full remembrance is also happening in the Now. I don’t need to wait for it to arise or deepen. I can re-member with a past life or a future one…take your pick!

It’s a bit hard to make this assertion right now, given the protests of my minds orientation, and given that even this writing is intentioned towards remembering more and more with others, as in future tense. Yes, I do experience myself as remembering more and more with the passing of time, and wanting that. It’s like a part of me is looking for the fast forward button.

So which one is true then? Here Now, or one day? They can’t both be true, right? They’re like opposites.

What if they are each true in their own dimensions? This feels very true to me. The rules of the game differ from basketball to baseball. 3D is a very specific game and convincing illusion, with a hard set of rules and truths all of its own.

This I’m finding intriguing then. What’s dawning on me is that the future I want to one day become familiar with in my waking consciousness, I already have it in the Now, outside of 3D’s world, and it’s as complete as complete can be.

This gets really relieving in the sense that I don’t have to employ the whole drudgery picture of enlightenment, or overcoming the darkness in order to one day, hopefully attain or earn some higher existence. The games are merging. It’s a bit confusing playing baseball on a basketball court, but we’re finding our way.

I’m already the Highest Self version of me. Here in the 3D plain of existence, which is only one of many for me and you, it seems to be about ‘realizing’ this reality into this dimension. I’m given a dimension where a reality admittedly doesn’t feel real to a part of me, and being tasked with making it real. I’m being invited to get to know this part of me and bridge to it through my Higher Self.

Talk about oceans of new growth wanting to expand out onto our awareness. Talk about every suffering you ever endured being critically necessary to the mission. Talk about everything being ultimately sourced in the one and only source of Love…. wow!

Key for me in this awakening is finding and feeling the parts of me polarized to the different dimensions. The part of me who did a 30 year career so effectively isn’t the same part of me who knew and hid deep core unworth and disconnect from source, nor the part of me who feels fluid with Unicorns and Archangels. We are so much more than a single personality. The Single Personality Disorder, as I call it, seems to be the kingpin of holding 3D life intact. As we begin to see ourselves as a makeup of parts, we are brought to the start line of a profound journey of awakening.

Instead of saying and thinking ‘I this…’ and ‘I that…’, try saying, thinking and feeling instead, ‘A part of me…’

…and call me in the morning with how that’s working for you… 

This is the work we offer and the community we create in SoulFullHeart process work, and would love to hear from you if this work calls to your heart and soul. We offer a free intro session intro our weekly process.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Published on by Raphael Awen5 Comments

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By Raphael Awen

Is that enough for you?

I mean, about, what life is giving you? Is it enough? Does it make you happy? Are you left wanting?

We’ve been conditioned to believe that gratitude is better than strong desire, even making the word lust, as in strong, passionate, gotta-have-it kind of desire a bad thing.

Let’s try on something very different for a moment to feel where it can take us.

Let’s start out with a working hypotheses of a conviction that there are no bad things. There is only your relationship to the thing, or lack of a relationship, (in this case, to your desires) that make the thing helpful or harmful.

Take the working hypotheses a step further to feel that even the harmful thing can only ultimately be in service of love, as all is sourced in love, even the duality of that which appears to be not-love, could only be sourced in the one source of love. All is hopelessly contained by love, even the greatest of evils, or darkness.

So we’re left with love seeking a relationship with you, through the experience of your life as you current-ly know it. Your life is a current, a flow, a holographic like projected drama of a cast of characters being projected onto the screen of your life, in front of an audience, in an auditorium.

You are the projector. You are the screen. You are the cast of characters. And you are the audience, auditing in the auditorium – this magical waveform frequency known as you.

It’s all you, awaiting the deeper dawning awareness of the whole point of the story, which is love, and more love, and more love…

The story may at first glance, seem dull or even boring, but look a little closer, and you see that the dull and boring is a carefully engineered cover, a normalized layer over a forgotten greatness, that is in process of awakening. This changes the story big time.

Why the cover? Why all the effort to conceal? What would be the risk of exposed greatness? Holeee Cow! What is actually going on here… Who’s playing what roles and Why?

The lusts of strong desire that feel like they’ve been a thing in your life to overcome, or to tame, the great desires that you may even have to go back down a few layers to reconnect with, having succeeded to a degree in suppressing them; these desires haven’t ‘gone’ anywhere.

They are one of the truest things about you. What you want and ache for is actually a deeply held reality coming from you, and more specifically, from a distinct part of you. If you follow this portal of desire, it will take you to the front door of the place where this part of you lives, in you, in your life.

If you are willing to just feel this unmet ache, this desire, without judgment about the thing being bad or good, or even too quick to judge it as helpful or harmful, realizing that even an addictive pattern of attachment is a placeholder of a deeper heart cry; you will be given the sweetest introduction and induction into the world of this subconscious part of you.

Now, you have a dawning reconnection with an entire acreage inside of your being to explore, get to know and feel, that’s worth all the time it takes and is actually the point of time itself….that moves your story towards what you most sacredly desire, yearn for and even lust after.

Our addictions are simply born out of our unwillingness, borne also by a part of us; to simply and honestly feel. Our addictions are like a Geiger Counter or a Metal Detector pointing directly at our most alive desires, preserved and living in parts of ourselves, holding our way back home to our selves…

So, I ask one more time… ‘what is it that’s enough for you?’ 

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.