The Gift Of Feeling Pain &Trauma

By Deva Yasmin

There are so many ways I can see, of how parts of me can push beyond feeling pain in order to attain or achieve certain experiences. The spiritual search for a long time was a search for a place free of pain for me, the attainment of bliss states and higher consciousness feeling so much more superior and desirable, than acknowledging the pain and suffering parts of me were experiencing. I still see it playing out for parts of me, especially as we taste more of the bliss, joy and contentment that is arising, they desire to stay there, but as Embodied Divine Humans, that is not our purpose to remain there it feels like.

The thing is these states are actually arising, from me being willing to acknowledge, feel and listen to the pain and trauma my parts have experienced, not from any pushing away of, or striving towards, a particular state, this actually blocks bliss. It feels like the reason I can experience these more joyful feelings is because, as I deeply know the experience of the opposite, I can appreciate the true simplicity of what joy truly is. This is a constant circling between the both for me and my parts, there is no end place and yet there is a place of experiencing more and more goodness coming in, only as I am willing to let go of what is not loving or bringing feeling of goodness.

This is the cost it feels like, to experience the fullness of who we are, and what this life and universe has to offer us as Divine Humans. Through feeling the pain and trauma, I am liberating parts of me from the prisons and Matrices they have learnt to call home, but to leave the only home they have known is painful too. To leave behind what they felt was nurturing, loving and resonant for so long, to go towards the more that I feel is available, brings up so much for them to digest. To realize how much of what they felt was Love, has actually been toxic and kept them inside the prison walls, is painful, tender, vulnerable and raw.

There is a time, and a self loving paced, organic-ness to being ready to soberly look into the reality of the life that was known for so long. As parts are felt and validated in what they have experienced; first by others in sessions, which then templates how we can valid ourselves, more space opens inside of us. As I am deepen in this process, I experience how this space becomes available for higher dimensional aspects of myself, as well as Divine beings to come in and support my continued exploration with my parts.

The ones we have been longing for, the parts of us who have the higher wisdom we have been seeking for, and the Beings of Love who we have been calling for, for so long, forgetting how close they have always been, come in to us. It feels like our commitment to keep showing up for ourselves, is a beacon, as we become more attuned to feeling, we become more sensitive to the higher frequencies all around us. This for me is so much more embodied, which brings a visceral confirmation of what is real and the Love that is always here.

When I have pushed to attain a certain state, the higher frequencies can feel ‘floaty’ or ‘wishy-washy’, they cannot ground and actually be beneficial in my everyday life. My parts cannot let it deeply in, in the ways that is needed for them to feel, heal and integrate their past experiences. They cannot rest within me if they cannot FEEL, the stable presence of the safety these higher frequencies and Divine Beings are offering them, especially I feel Divine Mother. She feels so significant to my parts process right now, as I digest with parts of me who have never felt held or nurtured.

It feels like if we keep pushing beyond pain as it is arising, not being sensitive to the subtle contractions, we keep ourselves in the prison of feeling alone and in pain, we keep ourselves in the suffering loops. As I write this, I feel how I am learning to be really present to the subtleties of all this, this no longer has to be a process of digging and trying to unearth pain or trauma, the pain arises organically in response to just BEing in life, being available to the healing life is offering us in every moment. As there is more and more goodness arising, it can be quite the process as well to let that in, I feel many of us who have been on this journey for a while will resonate with the striving and pushing for healing, or the over focusing on what is wrong, it can feel quite addictive to parts who are so used to the frequencies of abuse and trauma, to want to stay there it feels like.

I feel I am entering into more of a space of flow with the process, and an availability for what is real in the moment, letting life and what is in my heart lead my process. This feels to me what it means to be embodied. Parts of me no longer want to get out of the body to find home, or out of feeling pain, because they are realizing more and more from experience, that their true home, their higher frequency origins and their Divine nature activates and arises from within, as they feel and clear the pain and trauma they have held onto for so long, because that is what has felt like home.

The empty space that is opening up within me and within my life, through my willingness to feel pain and no longer hold onto places, people & patterns in my life that cause more pain, can feel both completely full of potential and completely void. So many questions, and so much time to explore them, so much to digest, and so much clarity to be birthed in me too, A space of feeling, healing and becoming.

I find myself in the moment honoring a very tender process with my younger parts as they let go of relationships that have been abusive and toxic, non of this is easy, but it is real and honest, and that is what my Soul longs for. This is what my woman’s heart longs for, and as my parts learn to trust me, and they experience the beauty and goodness living life lead from a tender, vulnerable, open heart brings, feeling pain becomes SO worth it and SO valuable, as it becomes the Inner Compass guiding us home, always, to LOVE.

Much Love,

Deva x

Deva Yasmin is a SoulFullHeart Collaborator & Facilitant. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc

 

Finding Genuine Empathy & Compassion Births Our Sacred Humanity

by Kalayna Colibri

Sometimes the cries of the world just need the space to move through your heart. It’s the tears of a benevolent universe that has witnessed and held all of the pain and trauma… that has felt and experienced it all along with us and wants to move through it, heal it, bring us all with it to something new.

It’s these moments, these poignant moments, of crying tears that aren’t necessarily ‘ours’ but are about what others have been through and in some cases are still going through as this world continues to transition and ascend. These crucibles have been chosen on a soul level in order to boost this-life healing and karmic healing from other lifetimes as well, yet this does not make them any easier to truly feel, to digest, and to somehow, by some miracle of personal will and soul bigness, find another side to.

I feel the oneness field which we all share and through which we can all experience what others have, whether literally or just in our hearts. This is the love field of Sacred Humanity. This is Home in so many ways.

I feel how these tears are what water the seeds of New Earth… actually, all tears we shed do this, especially when we are feeling them for the sake of our personal healing and experiencing a deep movement with a Metasoul or a part of us. We aren’t here to overhold the tears that others need to feel for themselves, yet to feel your heart open to feeling their pain WITH them is one of the deepest gifts of being alive and being human… and is what creates real intimacy and opens up the channel for more love to be exchanged between all of us.

Our compassion is worth feeling, starting out by feeling it toward parts of us and then overflowing it to others. It is worth the process it takes to move into this place of opening the heart and genuinely caring. It is worth all of the tears you’ll shed for your personal process as you then serve others in feeling theirs. And… it’s worth finding and feeling the parts of you that don’t feel compassion, that are blocked to feeling real care. These are the parts that need your love the most, and these are the parts that also hold the most gifts of genuine empathy for others.

Much love! ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Mindfulness Of Our HeartFULLness

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“Leave your heart above your head and your eyes wide open.”- Zack Brown Band

These are words form a  country band that I used to listen to in my ‘past’ life. Or the life a part of me lived years ago. These words popped into my head as I was feeling into mindfulness with my guide Aris, who has a mix of greek philosopher and buddhist monk with angelic wings. The practice of mindfulness was a part of my spiritual journey earlier in my life that lead me to become aware of what was clearly an emotional disillusionment with my life at that time.

I had built a life on the foundations of what was reasonable and sensible for the typical citizen. A good career with a finger on the political pulse of the times. I was a well-loved member of a family and had close relationships to fill my days. But undergirding it all was a depression and a frustration. A need for something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on other than I was ‘off-center” and misaligned in my passion and purpose.

This awareness led me to seek some form of help to change the course of what I was feeling but they were all mainly temporary band-aids. I could feel that there was something else I wanted access to inside myself. What was at the root of this underground well of heaviness?

The mindfulness practice turned into ‘heartfulness’ practice when I began this journey with teh SoulFullHeart process. It led me to a fuller awareness of what was occurring in my emotional body through a multi-lensed frame of parts. This new mindfulness set in motion a slide into E-motion. I had so much backed up feeling that I had almost forgotten what feeling even was outside of anger, frustration, and depression.

From this actual real-time feeling space could I begin to access the core of my pain which became like a new sunset on my life’s possibilities. I began to see the ways in which I had kept myself small and hidden out of fear. Fear of actually being that which I was truly meant to be even in its uncertainty. I just knew what I was feeling wasn’t me. Mindfulness leading to heartfulness.

The rest of the story is one negotiated step at a time that continues to this day just on a different frequency and relational ground. It was the act of taking stock of WHAT I was feeling, WHY I was feeling it, and then actually feeling it in all its textures with the parts of me that held it. It was becoming aware of the conflict between one part to another that created a chaotic stasis. I was seeing and feeling myself in a ways that were both amazing and difficult. Truly a bliss mess. The becomes so much more understood once you journey into heartfulness.

I am grateful for the mindfulness that lead me to this new world of ‘feeling what you are feeling as you are feeling it’. The next step beyond the awareness into the land of vulnerability and deep healing. It is the bridge between our humanity and our divinity. It is the clearing of our carbon into translucent crystal. It is the portal that connects us to the power of real love and soul expression. This is the way of SoulFullHeart.

 

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Flower Bud Of The Opening And Healing Heart

by Kalayna Colibri

flower bud

I wrote this poem last year on this day… it represents so much to me, about the process of different parts of me, waiting and wanting to emerge, feeling hesitant to let me be in my bigness that includes their bigness too. I feel the ever-opening heart that only opens more with realness and vulnerable feelings of where, when and how it is hard to be open to love… 

I am publishing this today, to feel and honour your process as well as mine. Maybe something in my words and energy here will invite you to feel your resonance with the process of opening up the heart that I am sharing about. ❤

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel my heart’s openness 
bloom and close
like a hesitant yet aching flower bud.
Yet so young though quite old
I find a solace somewhere in the unknown
and a restlessness too
that points out the grey
yet colours the night
with radiant rays of blue and gold.

The seeking of a heart that rumbles
and never really sleeps
nor needs to
for the other-dimensional sights and sounds
are the ones it is always tuned to
and the songs it always plays
on a heart-si-chord of gold and white light.

Perhaps the words flowing out
have still a place to land
in another hesitant flower bud
who also dreams to paint the sky
with the radiance of its very being
and its very courage of existence,
like a banner to all others
who long to be touched
by what they cannot see or understand
with a learned mentality
and years of seeking and not discovering.

This flower’s bud will soon find its aperture
that reflects its growing wholeness
and perfection
in the light of all that was once seen as grey
and all that was once felt
as the bleeding of a day
that simply refused to dawn.

 

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Arising Journey Of Opening Your Heart

by Kalayna Colibri

heart-opening

When your heart first starts to open, you can feel the edges. You can feel the aperture widening, letting more light out and in, moving love to and fro in waves and perhaps in stops and starts. You can feel the emotions that come up as part of this sacred process, the protests inside from parts of you that may have fears about your heart opening and the ride this will take them on. You will begin to FEEL your parts, maybe for the first time, and all of the storms they’ve weathered in the name of ‘love’ as they’ve ‘known’ it to be or thought it to be, or assumed it to be based on their conditioning and experience. They may be unsure that love can be clean, can be pure, can be something that keeps flowing without end.

As your heart opens more, you feel the healing that allows it to do so. You feel a celebration of the work you’ve done to get here, though it may also feel as if you have pretty far to go, especially as more oil is brought up from parts of you to be felt deeper still. You begin to trust this process more and that this flushing out is important for you and your life yet also for the world too. Your higher/Cosmic heart, your Christ Consciousness starts to become activated in this way, though it may still remain somewhat out of your reach, especially as reactions bubble up not only in your heart but in your very soul. The sacredness of this can be felt, though maybe not strongly just yet, for so much of this pain you’re feeling through can keep the programming of ‘mess is NOT sacred’ alive thriving within your being, still. This is the hardest part in a way, because the mess is what you need and on some level you surrender to that, though consciously you feel as if your world is turning upside down and you’re questioning so much about who you’ve been so far in this life and how you’ve related to everything and everyone in it. This is your emotional awakening phase, even though spiritually you may have awakened long ago. The bridge between these two strata of being can start to be made conscious, yet the lines seem stark in contrast because you are having to FEEL so much in YOU that may have long been buried and even covered over BY the spiritual…

Then the aperture of your heart widens still more… you begin to notice that your ‘messes’ created by parts of you that are needing them in order to be felt more fully and deeply, make way for more joy and that the joy seems to last longer and longer before more oil comes up to be felt and moved through, if not healed. The sacredness in every millimeter of process is becoming more obvious to you and allowing yourself to be IN process feels like the best sort of ‘me’ time you can give yourself the space to have. You feel celebrations as your movements inside of you begin to shift the world outside of you. You draw relationships that are more aligned with who you are and are becoming, though maybe these relationships don’t feel totally like ‘soul family’ just yet… or maybe they do and you’re drawn to go in deeper with them in conscious community or at least sacred bonds. They’re likely doing the same work you’re doing, feeling parts of themselves, healing deeply, taking the time and space needed in order to breathe, be, become, and above all, feel, heal and grow. You could also be drawing potential romantic partners along the way, with more heart and soul resonance with you than you’ve experienced thus far.

These new relationships are the end to your ‘lone wolf’ phase, though you still need and want the time for YOU and your parts and soul aspects that have now become so beloved to you and you to them. As you say ‘yes’ to community and intimate bonds with others, you feel this begin to widen your heart even more, sometimes to the point where it feels about to burst with colour and light and LOVE. You feel oil come up still, yet this time it feels different, because you’re noticing it more consciously, being with it sooner, and you have these relationships around you with so much powerful love transaction between you that their reflections of you go into you and really help you see where to go next inside of you at a manageable rate and pace that before this time, may have been overwhelming in moments. Sometimes the hardest processes are actually about letting more love in from and with others in this space you’re in now. You’re connecting with yourself, with guides, with your beloveds regularly and your spirituality integrates more and more with your daily life, lighting you up with soul purpose and soul gifts that have come alive for you in a new way. This leads you to more oneness experiences, that you now get to feel through a greater sense too of Conscious Duality and why we need both the dual and non-dual as our awakenings open out and our growth keeps moving forward. Ascension becomes not a struggle, but an embraced and beloved process too, intertwined with all of this, this entire process and all you ARE.

The journey never ends from here, though it always deepens as new phases of BEing open up and move you through challenges. You have become the sacred human you’ve always wanted to become, somewhere inside of you. And you wouldn’t trade this journey for the world, for it has become so YOURS to claim and you do so with a love flow in your heart that couldn’t have come to you before. Feeling and claiming your sacred YOU space brings you back to you, your true home and the one place you can ever fully belong. The one place where it ALL can heal, and where your former sense of separation and abandonment wounds can be transformed, transmuted, healed. Welcome home…. ❤

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Hearth of My Opening Heart

 
 

Tremors move from your heart space to mine.
An overflow. A love place.
A warm hut with a burning fire.

 

I seek to understand what I cannot yet,
what I may not ever,
what I may know in spite of myself.

 

There is a garden behind the heart door.
A secret wooden manifestation of many years of collapsing memories and ever-arising lessons.
Love waits for me there,
with more surprises,
with tourniquets,
with salves,
with the ointment of new life and renewal of my essence’s light.

 

As the door creaks open wide,
I feel the dust fall from my shoulders, into my healing palms Where I can see it.
Where I can feel it.
Where I can touch its textures and hold it close
As it cries full tears of rippling red shadow pulses and black and blue figures dusty in their own rite
Peeling off the once invisible armors they treasured for so long.

 

Disarmed yet newly anchored in the safety of my own now opening heart
I rest amongst the silk cushions and wait by the roar of the fireplace
Until you come knocking.

 

After filling your pockets with your own dusty past and present
And rimming your heart with the sugar-coated candy of a caramel-filled chocolate,
Bringing your sticky-sweetness out to be tasted,
I will meet you here, my love.

 

In brightness and darkness, with sweets and savories I will wait.
I will work.
I will pry my heart open first for me,
Then for you,
And together we will find the fumbling and not-knowing
To be the greatest fun we ever had
And the biggest challenge we have ever faced,
And the greatest dragon we have ever owned on our own, Together, and with the Divine.

 
 

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 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.