My Deepest Heart’s Love Song

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By Leena Colibri

Two magics of a different kind

Meant to dance together though opposite,

Intended to weave together a tapestry

Of sweet intimate love and fiery passion.

 

The love mosaic we create together

And the dance steps we make up

Give us the juice we need to keep finding ourselves

And each other

Again, again and, possibly, again…

 

A two-step with endless possibilities

And an infinite ceiling

Of deep respect and admiration

Watches over us as we find those tensions

That keep it all alive.

 

In a ying-yang mess of body parts

We breathe onto each other’s skin

And into each others hearts,

Blowing on the embers of the hottest love

As it cascades through each of our chakras

In a timing we can’t plan.

 

Your mental prowess and creative expression

Impresses and presses upon my forest heart

Teeming with alchemical creation

And the consciousness we each bring towards the other

Only serves to prolong the ongoing ache

For more, more and, most likely, more….

 
For now the sediment of a unsettled filtering process

Careens towards the bottom of my life’s holdings

Waiting for the unfolding

Of what could be

The greatest, fiercest, most deeply claimed romance

This heart and body have ever seen.

 

**

Leena Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, writer and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

I cannot make you grow with me, only invite you to come along

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by Jelelle Awen

I cannot make you grow with me, only invite you to come along………’Shrinking to fit’ in relationships with others is one of the biggest ways that we cap our soul bigness and keep our hearts more closed related to transacting intimate love with ourselves, others, and the Divine. These shrinking dynamic happens when parts of us conform to others expectations, ideas, and roles about who we are rather than being who we really are. In the SoulFullHeart process, we see parts of us as subpersonalities that form when traumas and hurts happen that are not digested in the moment and so become clogged and blocked energy patterns and behaviors.

Instead of shrinking to fit to maintain the ‘old’ and comfortable ground of transaction, we begin to stretch and challenge that ground as we awaken and heal into more expression of our authentic self.

Real and authentic connection between people cannot be lost, it only deepens and is revealed with healthy shifts and changes in each person. If it doesn’t deepen yet instead completes, then the connection was based in more grounds of compensation, codependence, and emotional binds than it was in resonance, interdependence and healthy bonds.

This can be a very painful process of completion with much opportunity to feel the deeper aspects of ourselves that were being mirrored and projected in the relationship onto the other person or people. Held with love and an open heart, the process can be very transformational with a possibility of new openings in the future in the relationship.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator, facilitator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Matched by Love

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By Leena Colibri

“Wanna wrestle?” Love asks, “it’s no fun without you”.

“Don’t I already?”

“When you want to stop, when you would rather not, when you are tired, just tell me.”

“Does that mean you’ll go away?”

“Only the human who can ask this in earnest gets any sort of answer that could satisfy them. I do not satisfy on command, but seek to satiate myself and my needs first.”

“And with me that comes down to wrestling right now?”

“…if you would like.”

“But is that what you want, Love?”

“Perhaps. If it is what part of you wants.”

“…I like you, Love. I feel my parts are feeling some liking of you too.”

“ 🙂 ”

“…can we go slow?”

“…of course, Loved one. Though I can’t guarantee that I won’t still win!!”

“You’re on!” “…Love…I think I want you to win.”

“Good. I was right about you then. But I still want to be matched. I still want us to challenge each other. I still want to work to find my openings in you, just as you seek to find more of me. We will get there, Loved one. If we can just keep going. I know I want to keep going more rounds with you.”

“Me too, Love. Me too.”
**

Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Throw-Away Love

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By Leena Colibri

 

In a world made for the throw-away
life
love
plastic anything
romance
friendship
god

 

…self

 

How can real love show its colours
of brilliant black, blue, red and gold?
The bruises and dents on the quest’s trail
and the blood bled from the freshly opened heart
can barely shine through the muddle
the muttering
the utter grossness of our need for something more to pitch.

 

The pliable heart with plastic implants placed by dense fingers with no dexterity just reaction
nearly made impossible to open.
Nearly patented to be perfectly beyond reach
and beyond the touch of real, sacred human love.

 

There’s a way to see it
there’s a way to be with it
there’s a way to look and love beyond it
there’s a way to penetrate the din within that all-too-sacred noise and static
created by a static life
with static means
running out of ground too quickly
…or not quickly enough.

 

Love, breathe the hot air of passion down my neck.
Let it run out onto my swollen chest
barely holding my bare, aching heart.
Whisper that it’s over those times of war within
and that you are here to stay
so long as I claim you, want you, breathe you, need you.

 

So long as I can stand to keep letting you in.

 

So long as you can stand my insatiability.

 

May the world cry rumble below
into the caverns of the depths of soul and heart
showing the cracks on the walls of the ache and the pain and the need for more, more, more…

 

love
synthesis not synthetic
surreal but real

 

To heal, to feel…to ask for the real, live, moving, passionate, messy, sacred, ultimate piece
driving onward, inward, upward and out
bringing us to that longed-for place of release
realizing we could have seen it, held it, had it all along
if we had just asked.

 

** 
Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

The Hearth of My Opening Heart

 
 

Tremors move from your heart space to mine.
An overflow. A love place.
A warm hut with a burning fire.

 

I seek to understand what I cannot yet,
what I may not ever,
what I may know in spite of myself.

 

There is a garden behind the heart door.
A secret wooden manifestation of many years of collapsing memories and ever-arising lessons.
Love waits for me there,
with more surprises,
with tourniquets,
with salves,
with the ointment of new life and renewal of my essence’s light.

 

As the door creaks open wide,
I feel the dust fall from my shoulders, into my healing palms Where I can see it.
Where I can feel it.
Where I can touch its textures and hold it close
As it cries full tears of rippling red shadow pulses and black and blue figures dusty in their own rite
Peeling off the once invisible armors they treasured for so long.

 

Disarmed yet newly anchored in the safety of my own now opening heart
I rest amongst the silk cushions and wait by the roar of the fireplace
Until you come knocking.

 

After filling your pockets with your own dusty past and present
And rimming your heart with the sugar-coated candy of a caramel-filled chocolate,
Bringing your sticky-sweetness out to be tasted,
I will meet you here, my love.

 

In brightness and darkness, with sweets and savories I will wait.
I will work.
I will pry my heart open first for me,
Then for you,
And together we will find the fumbling and not-knowing
To be the greatest fun we ever had
And the biggest challenge we have ever faced,
And the greatest dragon we have ever owned on our own, Together, and with the Divine.

 
 

**
 
 Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.

Heart, Soul, And Body Connection Transaction Leads To Sacred Sexuality

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My heart, soul and body are lit up and warm after making love with my beloved mate Raphael….I feel as if all dimensions of me have been ignited, enlivened, and yet a deep stillness and calm floods my being.This feeling of afterglow often lasts for many hours afterwards too. My heart is held and claimed by our union…My body is adored and cherished by myself and by him…my soul is met and matched and welcomed in communion with his. We fly to other dimensions and yet we dwell in the most physical of places too. And, over the years, this experience of polarized yet somehow perfectly fitted sacred sexuality is deepening and widening….not dissipating or going ‘flat.’

Sacred sexuality…two words that stir the heart and ignite our imaginations. It can feel conceptual, this ‘idea’ of sacred sexuality, yet, in my experience it is a frequency that is much beyond the mind. It is a frequency that arises in purer and purer forms related to the degree of depth and healthiness in the grounds of connection that are transacting in the relationship – heart, soul, and body grounds of relationality.

As the heart grounds of transaction in the partners deepen through consciously purifying through emotional work (particularly healing and integrating of shadow aspects), the intimacy anchors the frequencies in the fourth or heart chakra. WIthout this grounding, the exchange may become too transcendent and there can be parts of us that are not really letting in the love that is flowing. We also advocate for a monogamous connection, a real claim by a king for his queen and vice versa, in which to explore these frequencies as it offers the most safe space for the heart to be deeply involved. The most impactful aspect of the capacity to open the heart is a radical self love and healing process, such as we offer with our SoulFullHeart path.

As the soul grounds of transaction in the partners deepen through consciously awakening through soul healing work (especially from other lives and soul legacy themes), the soul context enlivens and energizes the frequencies in the upper chakras. Kundalini and other tantric energies can move and weave between all the chakras of the partners. We have experienced that we can ‘see’ and feel ourselves as the golden white filaments of energy that we actually are beyond the body-mind during sacred sexuality. This makes all of the body part on body part exchanges very interesting and beautiful! Without this opening up of soul frequencies, the sexuality remains limited to the physical and body dimension.

As the body grounds of transaction in the partners deepen through conscious health through body healing work (especially embodiment processes such as healthy lifestyle and food choices), the body connection grounds the frequencies in the physical plane and to the earth. Without this opening up of healthy body frequencies, the transaction may become too floaty or transcendent.

I want to add that a key aspect of this capacity to transact in heart, body, and soul frequencies within sacred union for women is the healing and reclaiming of our feminine inside…..working with, loving, and healing the masculine aspects and masculine templates that we have received from our family, social and cultural (even collective unconscious!) conditioning. This applies to men as well as claiming and being with feminine aspects and energies inside themselves creates a transaction ground of more vulnerability and openness.

Even without a partner, these three grounds of relationality can be greatly healed and awakened as a single person. In fact, it is the inner ground that then overflows to the outer. The union with self leads to an enlivened experience of your own desirability and self worth. These tones go out to the ‘soularium’ where your heart, body, and soul partner is waiting to respond!

Jelelle Awen is an 5D ascension teacher, writer and co-creator/teacher/group facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, online group calls and circles, community, videos, and more.

Premise 14: Non-codependent, monogamous romance offers growth and nourishment

By Raphael Awen

premise-14Welcome to day 14 of the 21 day ‘SoulFullHeart Magical Mystery Premises Tour.’ Up for today is the ‘SoulFullHeart Romantic Union Premise’ and it promises good things. Please read my writings on the other premises here. 

We’re touring what we call the foundational premises that underly the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. None of it is absolute truth and all of it is ‘made up.’ And because it’s made up, we feel it’s really important to be clear about what we’ve made up, so you can decide if this path is for you or not.

But, may I ask, ‘What spiritual path or healing modality do you know of that isn’t made up?’ Well, they all are, aren’t they? However, many of them won’t admit it and take responsibility for their creation and instead hide behind some form of ‘God revealed this to us’ while denying their part in the interpretation and delivery of the message. SoulFullHeart is grounded in human perception, experience and trial and error, and that we feel is what makes it a healthy path.

Every consciousness awakening path or healing modality are like a parallel dimension to each other. Once you commit, when and while you commit, you enter that dimension for all that it has to offer, to the exclusion of the others to the degree you choose a particular path.

Many people have done this unconsciously and are now demanding the means to do it consciously, requiring transparency and accountability on the part of the paradigm or path they embrace, and from the people within participating in it, knowing the far reaching effects of their choice. In other words, they want the premises.

SoulFullHeart can best be described as an unique parallel dimension where how you experience life changes on a deep fundamental level. Not only does your experience of life change, but who is doing the experiencing of life undergoes many ongoing changes. Many of these changes can be likened to manageable, self loving and timely breakdowns where the way of life and process opens out into moments of sudden deep shifts or movements in the depths of your being.

One of the biggest areas this can open out is into sacred romantic union. Here is today’s premise.

“SoulFullHeart romantic union offers both a nourishing relational ground and a challenging crucible for growth through two people monogamously committed to ever deepening heart, soul, and body resonance by processing the relationship through the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.”

If there is one area of life that I particularly feel this ‘parallel dimension’ reality of SoulFullHeart, it’s in the totally unexplainable reality that I have with my beloved Jelelle Awen. But isn’t that what romance was meant to do, to leave us stuck for explanation?

It can be fun trying to explain, and at moments there are arising metaphors and clarities that find a mark, but mostly, it is an energetic frequency of heart, soul, and body relationality and resonance that ultimately defies attempts at description.

There’s a few things I can say about it though.

One is that when you make romantic relationship more about your growth than your comfort zone, that alone changes so much. It is in the rigours of romance where our deepest risks and needs for love surface. It is in this crucible that much of our deepest heart and soul growth occurs.

Another piece is that what your heart really wants and needs in terms of nourishment and the quality of that nourishment vulnerably increases as you deepen in romance. This is scary for us to increase our needs, rather than decrease them, without being ‘needy,’ as you grow.

Possibly the biggest challenge in romance is to let go of a partner who simply doesn’t serve your heart and soul growth, who isn’t enough for you. Holding out for what you really need and want takes deep courage and self love, as well as true love for the other you are saying no to.

We also feel that none of this goes anywhere unless it’s in monogamy. Until, you are ‘all in’, you simply are running away from love in one form or another, quite possibly claiming a whole bunch of toxicity as a justification, even spiritual unconditional love ideas to hold it together. You simply cannot know loves power and alchemy romantically by hedging your bets and spreading the risk.

A central piece in SoulFullHeart’s navigation in romantic bonds is feeling how differently each of our parts or subpersonalities relate to the relationship. Particularly crippling to our soul and heart growth is seeing yourself as one unified personality in the relationship. Most people accept some mask of relationality that is actually a blend and a neutering of two or more polarized energies inside of themselves. This can never lead to real intimacy, passion or the trust needed for deeper vulnerability. For more on this critical piece, please see our article on Subpersonalities here:http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/soulfullheart-subpers…

Romance is a fire, and SoulFullHeart offers a fireplace for that fire with a definition of what real and healthy Sacred Union is. Without a measure of what healthy relationship looks and feels like, we are left to have anything but.

Thank you again for being on this premises tour. I welcome your inquiry if you would like to enter this parallel dimension deeper. Our sessions page is here and it’s the doorway into the more that we offer:http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Raphael Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information. 

Arise For The Woman

By Kalayna Colibri

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She will softly give you the love you need

And fiercely protect the preciousness of herself

A lioness, a lamb, a lark, all

In each interchange, an exchange of energy and an inhale of ecstasy

The intuitions ignored or stomped out

Cannot come to give the gifts they are invoked to give

or called to create

 

Would you stand in her way, or would you make a way for her?

Would you carve her name in your arm in the hopes of a few feeling moments?

Would your heart echo hers, or sing the same old song?

Would the lust you may feel give way to your love?

Would her blossom and fragrance of constant change be let into your cave of not-ever-knowing?

Would her guidance become yours and her power become your scepter?

Would you take her hand, her heart and still give her yours?

Would there be enough you to give her everything you could in a rightful exchange of hearts, bodies, minds, and souls?

 

Do you see her?

Does she stare back at you in that mirror ahead?

Can you look in her eyes and feel a challenge but just enough? Do you turn your power over to her or conjure yours to meet her there?

 

When the time comes, you will know.

She will test your King

You will evoke her Queen

And in tandem you will find

What you never thought you would

…until the moment you could let it in.

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Healing to Healthy, Conscious Mate Ache

By Sequoia Heartman

In the moment I feel lonely. This is true even as I have my soul family with me, an arising and strengthening relationship with myself and my parts, and a sacred beautiful connection to the Divine in both its masculine and feminine energies. I have what many souls are longing for, yet haven’t been willing or able to actually feel it. So, I am far from complaining. I feel blessed and gracious. But my heart and soul is missing something big. A mate to share it with. The other half of my other half.

Reflecting back on my romantic life, I can’t really remember healthfully and consciously aching for romance. In high school I wanted to be like the other cool guys and have a girlfriend. It was, for a part of me, a status symbol in a way. It was also a way for this part to feel worthy about himself even though the relationship itself was full of unworthiness. Love took me by surprise in college when I met my ex-wife Jillian (now Jelelle). Parts of me resisted, as it was such a different kind of love that I had ever experienced, but the depth and sacredness of it won out. After our marriage completed, my next relationship was in response to feeling depressed, not a desire for true love. So I drew a depressed mate. I’m sure you can guess how that went. After that, I was out of the romance business for a good seven years while raising my daughter.

When she moved to Canada I had a desire to date again, but it wasn’t that deep ache for courtship. I had a sexual affair that turned into a year long relationship. I wasn’t in love and needed to be honest with that. When that ended, I began to wonder if I needed to have more of a relationship with myself, but again became surprised by a younger woman from Canada. For those of you who have read my blogs, you know that to be Kathleen, and the history of our time together is well documented on this blog.

I recount my past to remind me of how I have related to romance compared to what I feel now. It has been some time since my last incarnation with Kathleen. Through all that time I have been healing my way to a more grounded sense of Self. But I had to go to the wounds. The mom wounds, the dad wounds, past relationship wounds, and past life wounds. From there I began to ask the questions who am I really and what do I really want? When I started to feel the edges of those answers, a sense of self-awareness and self-love took shape. When I began to fill my own cup with the help of Jillian, Wayne, and Divine Love, I started to feel a missing piece. But the missing piece wasn’t me. I used to identify with the missing and I felt void. Unloved. Unworthy. Now I feel the piece that is me. That has always been there, but I just couldn’t feel. So when I say I am lonely, I don’t feel alone. Now I feel the desire. The desire for the yin to my yang. The queen to my king. The peanut butter to my jelly. I feel it in a way that is healthy and conscious. I couldn’t have done that without healing my way there.

Now, the irony is that while I have found my mate ache, I have found it while living on a remote, off-grid ranch in Mexico. A part of me could list all the reasons why it feels almost impossible that I could find a mate. But those only serve to leave me in a suffering loop about it, a piece I am trying hard to heal. There are a lot of criterion for a woman to resonate with. Collapse, dirt, work, heat, vulnerability, parts work, past lives, leadership, community, limited technology, gardening, gift economy vs. fiat currency, lots of sex, curiosity, conversation, cob housing, occasional impassable river, rain, sun, seeing the context to the content, connection with the Divine, Sunday circles, energy healing, creative vegetarian cooking, horses, bugs, sheep, dogs, mangoes, bananas, limes, lemons, papaya, noni, moringa, neem, laughing, crying, conflicting, hugging, cuddling, walking, praying, building, watering, and above all…loving. But one thing is for certain, if she does, then I can honestly say she may be the one.

I realize this is starting to sound like a dating site profile. So be it. In the age of collapse, what isn’t truly you gets burned away and the really important things become much clearer. There isn’t much time to play hide and seek from each other. My heart aches for her and for the love she holds. I can feel her, but cannot touch her. I can talk to her, but I cannot hear her. I can imagine her, but it isn’t enough. When I feel all that, there is a pain. A pain that is unfulfilled desire. I let it come through me. I don’t deny it. My eyes fill with tears and I cry. For as long as I need to. Sometimes for a brief moment, sometimes for several minutes. I feel lonely and sad, yet I am held in it. Held by the Divine, my own self-worth, and the knowing that I have love, just in a different form. The ache moves through me, I dry my eyes and continue through my day with my desire still in tact, a bit stronger than it was before.

I don’t know when it will happen. I don’t know if it will happen. Not even the Divine can tell me that. All I can do is feel it, express it, and send it out to the universe. It is not a passive place of waiting, but an active vibration that I emit and respond to possibilities. This article is one of them. Who knows where it lands. It is like the proverbial message in a bottle, cast in the ocean of Love to see if it lands on the shore of another heart. In the meantime, I continue to build my cob home, help to tend the gardens, and heal more of what still needs to heal in my heart and soul. It’s a pretty damn good life. But it could get infinitely better.

I can be reached through the SoulFullHeart website or email at soulfullhearts@gmail.com if you know anyone that resonates with my call. Thank you for taking in my writing.

Sequoia Heartman is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit the SoulFullHeart website for more information and connection. 

Romance As A Reflection Of Self Worth

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By Christopher Tydeman

Romance has always been triggering for a part of me. I wasn’t really raised with a template of a healthy romantic relationship. One that included both sides of passion. On one side, the random acts such as notes put in a hiding place to be found later or the hot passionate kiss in the middle of crowded street without care for the peering eyes upon you. Or the other side, which includes the loud clash of conflict that is still held in respect and not reduced to energetic violence. The place where there is a vulnerable and heartfelt, “I am sorry.”

In my personal experience, my template was a withhold of need, a projection of resentment, and an eventual eruption of anger with barbed-wired shrapnel. The sweet moments were few and far between, and even those consisted of half-baked sentiment with an obligatory stale crust. Were there moments of genuine love? Yes, absolutely. More than I count on my fingers and toes. But certainly not enough to show a young man what real love is all about.

So, am I screwed? Never to feel authentic desire, lust, and passion? Of course not. I am not a victim to my experience, I am informed by it. A part of me could easily close up heart-shop by blaming it on my conditioning, and never allow love to enter its fortified walls. It’s what part of me learned by my father as the ideal way to relate to love. However, even he hasn’t done that. He, too, desires a life surrounded by love. He can’t help himself because it is the ultimate human need above our survival needs. This part of him, and now a part of me, can protest all they want, but it is not our nature to resist love in absolution.

My templating gives me a starting point from which to launch. I don’t press off of it like a swimmer does off the side of a pool. I go into it. I feel it. I ache with it. I cry with it. Then something new emerges. Desire. Risk. Energy. Passion. Something different than before. Something unlike a part of me could ever imagine as being possible. I am honestly not writing from that place in the moment, but I can sense it. I sense it because it is in me. It is me. I would have not known that unless I had someone else to reflect that to me.

For the last two years I have been in relationship with such a person. A beautiful woman I never saw coming. A woman who could see a “me” I hadn’t been able to see myself. Now that I say that, I feel my romantic history has been such a dynamic. There is this reflection of bigness, of courage, and of strength. That picture, as desirable as it is, gets intercepted by my unworthiness and is flat-lined. Not to be resuscitated for fear of rejection and pain. ‘The higher you climb the harder it is to fall’. That is the mantra of self-protection.

This is the trigger I referred to at the beginning. But it is more than just the reflection of my bigness that frightens a part of me, it is that someone else actually cares enough to fight for it. That I AM worthy of the kind of love that is more than I ever believed is possible. A part of me is used to a healthier version of the type of love I grew up with, but is uncertain, even confused, about this ground of sacred love. Authentic love. Transactable, palpable, relational, passionate love. Lots of wounding that needs healing. Lots of conditioning that needs re-experiencing.

So what about this woman? After a few incarnations and explorations, it has come clear that Kathleen and I may not be mates in the way we thought we could be. She has passion that yearns to be matched and seen by another. I have a passion that yearns to be discovered by me, in me, and through me. It is possible that romance is not meant for me now. Maybe the romance is in me first. But I could not have come to that if it wasn’t for her. Her passion, her love, her desire for her own self-worth. She may very well be a soul mate, just not in the way I have thought of ‘soul mate’ in a romantic context.

We have been through much, Kathleen and I. My love for her remains as tender as the first time we hugged. That is what is real. That is what cannot die no matter the circumstance. We will continue to be what we have signed up to be for each other this life, for however long that is. She is a big reason I will heal towards self-worth and maybe even sacred romance. It is because of her I will know true love, both for myself and from another.

Christopher Tydeman has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life since August, 2010. He is a SoulFullHeart facilitator-in-training, author on this blog, and he hosted the SoulFullHeart Experience Radio Show