My Healing ‘Me’ Phase: Sharing My Current Personal Process

by Kalayna Colibri

Service of love is a crucible for growth… the growth of those you serve and your own growth too.

How many times I’ve learned this and been humbled by this…

We cannot downplay the importance of going inward and soberly evaluating ourselves, feeling if we SHOULD be serving others right now or if there’s something that needs us deep within first.

As my beloved friend, teacher and Facilitator Raphael said to me yesterday, “It feels right to take the space from facilitating. Without that, it would feel like trying to get at a foundation with a house sitting on top of it, which would be a whole lot more involved process.” Bingo.

Because of this, I’ve made the choice to step down as a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for this emerging phase of my healing and deep need of ME. My heart and soul feel a strong desire to serve love, yet the first step to that is becoming MORE love through being with myself and my parts. Without doing this, my space holding isn’t as deep as I desire it to be and not as helpful to the facilitant – the person making the vulnerable and courageous choice to lean into me for that 90min and maybe beyond – either. not to mention that the space held isn’t as safe as it needs to be for the healing to flow from my own love overflow into them to support their own.

I feel too how this process is not just about me as an individual. I feel how this is something that many space holders neglect to look at in themselves and as a result their parts can feel “burnt out” or resentful of their clients instead of in collaboration and heart-openness, which can lead to outright abuse or perhaps something more subtle. I feel how there is something for all of us to feel, whether you call yourself a “lightworker”, “space holder”, “wayshower”, “energy healer”, etc about how much you genuinely care about the person you’re offering healing to, how much respect and love you authentically feel for them, and if there are unowned judgments, triggers, pieces coming up inside of you that need you to show up to feel them in your own space, maybe even taking a break from offering healing to others for a phase, in the name of your own healing and self love growth. The biggest block to being able to vulnerably feel all of this inside of yourself feels to be the block of an overfocus on self-image, forgetting and maybe even hiding that you are also a humbly healing and ascending human being.

My beloveds in this community and healing path of SoulFullHeart have brought me many reflections over this past week that have given me plenty of pause and entry points into my heart too… to see why exactly I’ve been the way I’ve been when what I want is to be and serve love. This was a major sign of something big being out of alignment… we cannot put on the “healer hat” and be one way in sessions while we let parts of us run the show in other areas of our life and relationships with far less care, without one reality spilling over into the other sooner or later. And since the shadow is always wanting to be seen, felt and held, of course this is where the spillover is most likely to happen…

As my process unfolds, I’ll probably share more of the clarities I feel, because in this way I still feel called to serve love and see how what I’m discovering lands in the hearts and souls of others. I hope that even this writing which is more personal lands somewhere helpful inside of you. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Lightworking Is Shadow-Working

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Even in the offering of our gifts as a healer, teacher, and lightworker we are not removed from the meeting and transmuting of our own shadow. The two are inextricably connected. It is from that experience that we can offer that proverbial diamond to others. Within the work itself, we are in relationship. Relationship from soul to soul, heart to heart. We live in human form with human wounds. Those wounds come into contact in every connection we make, sacred or mundane.

As we go into healing space there are times when we come across situations that trigger or challenge those parts or aspects of us that are still residing in the depth of our unconscious until such time they are meant to be constellated into our current consciousness. We are not always going to be this ideal notion of what another part of us may feel a healer should be. There are times when need to take in reflections of ourselves to get a finer detail of what is lying in our shadow.

As we enter into this sacred space with others we are also in sacred space with ourselves. We are working an aspect of our own process as we are always in one. We cannot ever be outside of it. This is the gift of service and, to other parts, the difficulty. So to claim the light is to claim the shadow. As forerunners and leaders, there are experiences that may be antithetical to love and compassion that lie in our midst that have yet to be addressed until such time they make themselves known.

It is our responsibility to continue to work our shadow as it arises. Not to hunt it down but to respond to it when it does show up. There is owning it and self-lovingly going into it. We may need to come to terms with something that is hard to feel but that is what we signed up for. That is the lightwork that happens within so we can offer a purer, deeper, and more compassionate offering to those that are seeking our particular brand of healing. It is the depth of our own self-healing that makes its way into the hearts and souls of those that we are meant to serve.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.