My Healing ‘Me’ Phase: Sharing My Current Personal Process

by Kalayna Colibri

Service of love is a crucible for growth… the growth of those you serve and your own growth too.

How many times I’ve learned this and been humbled by this…

We cannot downplay the importance of going inward and soberly evaluating ourselves, feeling if we SHOULD be serving others right now or if there’s something that needs us deep within first.

As my beloved friend, teacher and Facilitator Raphael said to me yesterday, “It feels right to take the space from facilitating. Without that, it would feel like trying to get at a foundation with a house sitting on top of it, which would be a whole lot more involved process.” Bingo.

Because of this, I’ve made the choice to step down as a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for this emerging phase of my healing and deep need of ME. My heart and soul feel a strong desire to serve love, yet the first step to that is becoming MORE love through being with myself and my parts. Without doing this, my space holding isn’t as deep as I desire it to be and not as helpful to the facilitant – the person making the vulnerable and courageous choice to lean into me for that 90min and maybe beyond – either. not to mention that the space held isn’t as safe as it needs to be for the healing to flow from my own love overflow into them to support their own.

I feel too how this process is not just about me as an individual. I feel how this is something that many space holders neglect to look at in themselves and as a result their parts can feel “burnt out” or resentful of their clients instead of in collaboration and heart-openness, which can lead to outright abuse or perhaps something more subtle. I feel how there is something for all of us to feel, whether you call yourself a “lightworker”, “space holder”, “wayshower”, “energy healer”, etc about how much you genuinely care about the person you’re offering healing to, how much respect and love you authentically feel for them, and if there are unowned judgments, triggers, pieces coming up inside of you that need you to show up to feel them in your own space, maybe even taking a break from offering healing to others for a phase, in the name of your own healing and self love growth. The biggest block to being able to vulnerably feel all of this inside of yourself feels to be the block of an overfocus on self-image, forgetting and maybe even hiding that you are also a humbly healing and ascending human being.

My beloveds in this community and healing path of SoulFullHeart have brought me many reflections over this past week that have given me plenty of pause and entry points into my heart too… to see why exactly I’ve been the way I’ve been when what I want is to be and serve love. This was a major sign of something big being out of alignment… we cannot put on the “healer hat” and be one way in sessions while we let parts of us run the show in other areas of our life and relationships with far less care, without one reality spilling over into the other sooner or later. And since the shadow is always wanting to be seen, felt and held, of course this is where the spillover is most likely to happen…

As my process unfolds, I’ll probably share more of the clarities I feel, because in this way I still feel called to serve love and see how what I’m discovering lands in the hearts and souls of others. I hope that even this writing which is more personal lands somewhere helpful inside of you. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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Energies Support Seeing Where You Are ‘Now’, Taking Steps To Your Desires

Painting: Divine Love by Chanchal Ganguly

by Kalayna Colibri

It’s a rare person who can fully embrace where they’re authentically at in this moment on their journey… whether they are fully immersed in 3D or are consciously awakening, healing, ascending. Parts can tug and pull, wanting so badly to just be ‘there’ already, wherever ‘there’ is — a goal, a relationship, enlightenment. There is always something to desire and some reason to feel as if you’ll never get it and entitlement to these goals and desires can come up too, meaning that the steps to get there are not seen, embraced, or inhabited.

In this way, we fuse to parts of us that have a push-pull about life, about taking necessary and grounded steps, about somehow being with the gap between our desires and where we are/who we are right now.

The energies from the new moon and the eclipses are encouraging you to be where you are in a way that sees the steps ahead of you and can hold the parts of you that feel as if the goal posts keep moving. There’s a new level of maturity and growth being asked of you now. It’s asking you to see, with humility and grace, where you are in this moment. To REALLY see it and feel it. To feel what it is you really want to have or become that maybe isn’t ‘here’ yet. It can be so easy for parts of you to fall into the oubliette of forgetting the intentions in order to just find some level of satisfaction now… because ultimately they have a hard time believing that what they want is actually something they are supposed to and WILL have — IF they can be in the process of the arising 5D integration of your soul and sacred human heart and start to let in the journey of getting there.

These energies are helping to light up the footprints ahead of you too… there may only be one or two sets of them, yet they are there nonetheless. Meaning, there are others who have walked the path you’re about to tread. You don’t need to be a lone wolf forever, though parts may prefer that idea over the crucible of being in relationships with others or trusting different leaders/teachers and the wonders and challenges of that. A big challenge of looking at these footsteps and leaning into these leaders though, is of course the question of maintaining your sovereignty and YOUniqueness, but it’s also a challenge to not look at them and have parts of you become stuck in the mire of wishing to be where they are at, even before your own sacred steps have been taken.

Embracing where you are in this Now, feeling your journey and honouring it too… this is more challenging than it seems, yet, Divine, Celestial, Galactic support is here to help bridge you back to you and remind you that you are loved… always!!

This is all a reminder too that the journey is worth it — that there is no ‘winning’, ‘losing’, or ‘failure’ possible. Every single part of you that you’ll feel along the journey of even feeling THIS as true is worth it because they need to come along with you and they are part of you who are right Now. Every feeling is the roadmap and the markers are appearing right in front of you.

Much love! ❤

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I offer 90min, 1:1 Bridging Sessions for young women around and under the age of 35… if you’re interested in meeting with me and digesting more about these pieces and anything else that is coming up for you, we can feel all of that and more together. Visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session for more information. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 35, emoto-spiritual teacher, WayShower, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

 

 

Going Inward With New Layers Of Vulnerability And Humility

by Kalayna Colibri

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We are being invited to feel our anchors and what has held us and conditioned us within this dimension we call ‘3D’, ongoingly. It seems that every shift in the weather, every start of a new season, every cosmic occurrence, is all bringing us back inward, or at least opening up the doorway to do so. There is nothing we have done ‘wrong’ to bring these energies in. They are not punishments from a punitive god or goddess that wants to purge the world of the filth that parts of us feel we are or must be. They are reflections back to us of us… of how we’ve treated ourselves, let alone each other. Of what we’ve been willing to claim and what we’ve been willing to leave behind… as well as what we’ve been clinging to that needs to be let go of. Our conditioning tells us that if we are feeling bad as a result of something that is happening outside of us, then we must have done something wrong. I feel to share today, that this is not what’s true… and that even this reaction to your reactions and to the churning of your 3D life and being, are what is being reflected back to you now.

We are asked very often if not regularly right now, to really look at and feel our conditioning, where it has come from and how we relate to it. We have so much of a legacy from those who came before us ingrained within us, that we have necessarily forgotten that we are here to do and be something different… yet this journey must begin within and it must reach into our subconscious to unearth what has been long-buried.

Among these layers that we are being asked to feel, are the layers of protection. It’s actually an expression of self-protection to believe that all things are happening outside of you, to you. This protects you from really feeling yourself and your parts. This keeps you from landing in you, as it keeps your gaze from going inward where the real change and transformation can take place. It is a new place of vulnerability and humility, to realize what we’ve had going on inside of us all along. It heals and dissolves our walls within so that we can eventually have no walls against the world and the people in it too.

Today, if you choose to, you can begin to feel what it is that makes you feel as if you don’t want to go inward. Even feeling this much can bring you to a powerful place of newfound humility and a reconnection to an experience of love and the Divine that you had forgotten about… ❤

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My beloveds in SoulFullHeart and I, offer space-holding sessions for your inner explorations and healing. If you’d like to, you can try a free 30min intro to the process. Just visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Humility Of Really Feeling Our Emotions: Indigo, Crystal And Rainbow Souls Blog Series

by Kalayna Colibri

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There’s a certain amount of sanctity and sanity we preserve by NOT feeling, at least until the layers on top of our true feelings begin to give way and dissolve because of pressing life circumstances and swelling emotional reactions – THEN it can become insane-feeling, as chaos is created outside of us, pushing these feelings up even more as they call out for our attention. This is true for ANY soul ANYwhere. The piece here for Indigos, Crystals and Rainbows is much the same as for any awakening soul and heart – NOT feeling how we really feel becomes the much crazier choice than actually letting ourselves in. Yet too, there is something here that may be time-bomb-baked inside of us when we are in these soul groups, alerting us to this need for changes INSIDE of us at a much younger age because we are here to do so much work as leaders and healers.

I don’t hold any elitist sort of feeling around claiming I’m an Indigo. I actually feel it kind of lightly. For me it feels like a bridge and also a helpful explanation as to why I care so much about my growth and living into my soul purpose when I’m only just turning 30 this year. I became a “seeker” at age 14, which led me to a desire to serve others and feel my capacity to do so. However, this came in with some shadow pieces like arrogance and self-righteousness too and even in my already-cultivated self-awareness, I still wasn’t quite touching these and others, like entitlement, and narcissism, to name a few. This has been a part of the soul package I came wrapped in and some big things to work this life. I signed up for SoulFullHeart at age 24 because I wanted to work these things… taking breaks between then and now so that I could humbly go into life without consciously holding a process from time to time, which only illuminated more for me in the end. Once you sign up for the bullet train of deep healing, there really is no going back, try as parts of you might… 🙂

It took many reflections, some very hard to take in, for me to truly feel humbled, or rather, for parts of me to truly feel humbled and really start to feel what was really going on for them. There are soul wounds and also this-life, human wounds to feel too. These words of “arrogant”, “entitled” and “narcissistic” did NOT go in easily and there has been a lot of pain in even having to see myself in this light. What has been harder is feeling how  TRUE these words have been for parts of me who haven’t been challenged on their ways of being in life before! Until meeting Raphael and Jelelle Awen, I hadn’t had a single relationship with another teacher, healer, parent or friend who could bring these pieces to me and if they did, it wasn’t with love and compassion, but judgement from the parts of them who are the same way. I can’t explain to you the difference between these two experiences. It’s really something to feel for yourself. ❤

Feeling our shadow and what’s underneath it is an important aspect of the process of going within. What has appeared to be “in shadow” inside of us is actually a whole lot of pain that wants to surface and be healed. There are immense gifts on the other side of all tears shed when feeling our shame, hurt and even rage. As our layers of inner and outer protection melt away because we are finally safe enough to really feel ourselves and our parts, we feel these movements and realizations come to us with fluidity on waves of love that come from outside and inside of us too. It is a humbling process, to unravel deeper and deeper knots and layers protecting the precious yet strong vulnerability of the Sacred Human seed inside… the seed that is meant to grow, flourish and serve love to so many others!

Parts of me have needed to be how they’ve been – there is so much to push away from in our cultures and birth family conditioning and understandably, there is also a lot to protect ourselves from…until there isn’t, that is. Being emotional is still not a fully-embraced thing inside of many, though arguably it’s becoming more and more so as more of us awaken and can no longer deny how we really feel about anything or anyone, dark or light, or while in chaos or stillness or somewhere in between. During this ascension process, this is all being pushed up as light codes and astral influences constantly invite us to really SEE and FEEL ourselves in a much deeper way, illuminating the places where we still need healing and more authentic love flow. If you sign-for some help with this from SoulFullHeart, everywhere you need to go with become illuminated and we get how hard this can be to feel through. It is a deep healing practice and while there is so much joy, there is also much sobriety as the transformation it offers you really does start within and flow outward to every other area of your life.

Indigos, Crystals, Rainbows and the like are at an advantage age-wise and also soul-wise. We signed up to wake up early and to draw to us the paths that would help with that. Becoming more and more humbled to where our paths are taking us and that we DON’T truly know ourselves in earnest until we’ve really felt our shadows be challenged by someone holding up a mirror with LOVE behind it, is so important if not critical if we are really here to help awaken and lead others. We must first awaken to OURSELVES, let alone ascension, let alone Gaia, star beings, or anything spiritual. The heart truly is where the journey deeply begins and where all legs of it ultimately return to. And there is no other path quite like the one that really embraces and supports an ongoing exploration of our inner worlds, without an “end” place where you can declare ourselves fully-healed, and with plenty of juice for the journey inward and upward. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Embracing Being A Spiritual Student: Humility, Surrender, And Growth

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By Kathleen Calder

I was very spiritually-focused, seeking big answers and asking big questions as of age 14, and have been on this trajectory ever since. Yet being spiritually open does not entitle me to “skip a grade” in life. My desire at the moment is to keep allowing life to bring me what it needs to, in order to bring me to a place where I can offer what I’ve healed to others like me, so they can work to heal it in themselves.

There’s a vulnerability in humbling yourself to be a student. I don’t mean paying thousands of dollars for your education, exactly. I mean allowing yourself to be a student in life, not just in a classroom. Negotiating with the parts of you that feel entitled to skipping ahead to being a teacher feels essential. There are some people I have met who have parts that openly embrace being a student, yet this over-humility doesn’t feel quite right either. There is a way to be a student that allows yourself to be humbled and yet be in your power too. You don’t get to choose the lesson, but you get to choose how to take it in. You don’t always get to choose your teachers either, but you get to choose how to take them in and for how long.

I remember that almost my whole life, I’ve wanted to “skip a grade”. As a child in elementary school, I ached for the recognition of being really smart and basically superior in some ways to everyone else my age, that would come with skipping a grade. I wanted to prove that I needed the challenge. Feels like it was partly the social pain that part of me endured that brought this on. It could also have been the pain of being the “baby of the family”. I had a lot of worth to prove – to “everyone else”, but ultimately to me. I don’t remember ever feeling happy to be the age I was. Part of me always had their eye on being “in” with the older kids. This carried over into my teen years. Yet there were terms I couldn’t compromise on. There were things I just refused to do, like going to parties or drinking or doing drugs. I didn’t really get drunk until my late teens, didn’t try pot until university, and I didn’t really go to many parties until my second year of university. I also didn’t choose to become sexually active until I was 21.

Now I’m 26 years old, going to be 27 very soon (less than a month), and there are life experiences and rites of passage I still haven’t inhabited, like getting my driver’s licence. There are many reasons why this was delayed, but the symbolism of it feels worth exploring – I wasn’t ready to surrender to not knowing how to be in the “driver’s seat” in my own life, at my age, at my stage of spiritual, emotional, worldly knowledge and experience. I try to frame it for my parts, not so much as “immaturity” but as “arrested development”. This makes it feel less critical and easier to own. Makes it easier to admit that I need to be a student of life for a while, to essentially catch up to myself in a way.

Now I’m faced with the challenge of being in life as a 26 year old, trying to catch up on things like inhabiting a job in a much fuller way than I have before, being fully independent in providing for myself (including getting my licence and a car), etc. Gaps of life experience have brought the need to create some social distance from others engaged in the SoulFullHeart way of life. This has been a very hard reality to let in for parts of me. Right now in my process, I am working to let this humble me. It is crazy-making at times to feel how much ground I need to cover within myself and in life, and yet I can hold at the same time that my desire to serve others can only come to fruition if I can surrender to this and the coming life phases. I am working daily towards that deeper surrender by challenging myself to be in my power and spine, while also feeling my parts through all life changes and decisions. I need to keep reminding my parts that we are not entitled to be older than we are, in any other sacred life phase than we are right now.

I know and can feel that there are others around my age who have had a similar experience of themselves in this life. I was very spiritually-focused, seeking big answers and asking big questions as of age 14, and have been on this trajectory ever since. Yet being spiritually open does not entitle me to “skip a grade” in life. It also does not entitle me to the role of “teacher” when I have yet to fully embrace being a student. My desire at the moment is to keep allowing life to bring me what it needs to, in order to bring me to a place where I can offer what I’ve healed to others like me, so they can work to heal it in themselves. I feel that if those in my generation and younger can do this, we can really be the start of a new wave of human being that is much more authentically compassionate and embodied, not only for our sake but for the sake of our world as a whole.

Kathleen Calder has been embracing the SoulFullHeart Way of Life since January, 2012. Go here to read more of her writing and visit soulfullheart.com for more information about SoulFullHeart.