Tag: By Raphael Awen

Day 5 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

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Journal To The Demiurge w Raphael Awen

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 5 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Raphael: Good Morning All. I am feeling the rising excitement of this journey again. It felt so good to time-travel to the early pieces of my life story, feeling how my allegiance to the Demiurge formed and took hold, and feeling all of you feel me, in that.

It also felt good to take yesterday off being Christmas to breathe, to feel and to let in love. Last days journal took over 5 hours just to write, and feel as we went, and to post. I’m feeling an expanded sense of the epicness, if I could call it that, of where this could go, and where it wants to go. I also want very much to feel all there is to feel as we go, and to have fun doing it. If there’s one thing I feel now about hanging around in the past, I feel we should at least rearrange the furniture while we’re spending time there. And the furniture I’d rearrange would be the furnishing of my own heart with more space to feel myself and all my parts courageously doing life, being with life, seeking love. I get to do some more of that today.

There’s a way that even going through hell can be rewarding if we’re willing to feel all there is to feel, feel our why’s, our wants and especially our frustrations. They are all huge signposts. I’ve decided that if it ain’t fun, in this sense of being rewarding, I want nothing to do with it. In my book, it’s now a big Demiurge delusion that life is supposed to be hard, or boring, or aimless. The other thing I’m into is adventure, always have been really, and this journey is looking like about as big a piece as any.

Metatron: Good Morning Raphael. Good morning All, in the fullest sense of the Allness. Rhodes, Merlin, Jim, yes, you too Jim, we’re going to need help from the other side in due time, and Good Morning to this growing posse of hearts, following this, reading this, feeling this. You are the incubation of the epic something that Raphael is speaking to as you let this story weave into the feeling tones of your own story. Let it engender within you the waves of desire and the awakening of each and everyone of your astounding uniqueness and value. This is a seed, and like any seed, it has an infinite number of seeds within it. We’re not about the finite number of seeds contained in an apple. We’re about the in-finite number of apples contained in a seed.

Raphael: I love how you can raise the frequency about 67 notches in 30 seconds or less, Metatron. Wow.

Metatron: You have us on a good frequency as well, please keep going. I just had some juice to let flow through.

Raphael: I so know I wouldn’t have the go for this journey were it not for your energy and guidance, and it’s feeling sooo good again today, thank you.

Before, I go back to my story, Metatron, can you tell me about what the Demiurge is up to with this intention? Do you know if he knows what we’re attempting?

Metatron: Funny you should ask that, I got confirmation just today that he is up to speed on every word. Consider yourself and ourselves engaged to be engaged. And, it feels like he could, and we could use some time to get acquainted further, from a distance, I mean, so take all the time you need to process it all as we go. Your story telling feels important. We have all of time itself to get this right, and it’s urgently what the entire universe is waiting for, both are true at the same time.

Raphael: Okay, no pressure or anything? My…, you have a way with words.

Metatron: In the beginning was the word…

Raphael: And the word was with God and the word was God…

Metatron: And dangit if the Demiurge didn’t see an opportunity to fill in the blank while we waited to come up to speed with this truth and with our own godhood, Raphael.

Raphael: And I’ll bet he isn’t having the best time of it about now? His threats of hell have only tied him to being a jail keeper – not much fun at the best of times, right? I can’t imagine him having any fun, if it ever was fun being him.

Metatron: It’s complicated though, Raphael. On one hand, we created him from our own subconscious, and we commissioned and authorized him to be the monster we made him, and on the other hand, he doesn’t know anything different and is afraid to let go. He is inextricably linked with us till we undo our own creation.

Raphael: Could we say ‘In the ‘re’-beginning was the word’?

Metatron: We’re being invited to feel that with this Journal, with every word, every logos, that we utter; to feel it as being divine reason re-beginning a new world order internally that seeds into the collective…

Raphael: Feeling that pauses my story for a bit…

Metatron: Feeling that actually helps tell your story, Raphael. Go on and we’ll figure where it intertwines as we go…

Raphael: Okay, as I said, I’m getting a big gift from telling this story, and I can feel parts of me buckle in. They were all there, but we never got the space to feel it like we are now, on these levels.

Where was I?

Merlin: You was just getting settled with Mar-yam in the new chandelier swinging church.

Raphael: Thank you Merlin, good feeling your magical presence here. Get this, yesterday, Gabriel gave us a Christmas card depiction of you soaring through the Cosmos, Metatron as a combination of a cosmic cowboy and a skinny Santa Claus, And even Andy riding bareback too, all heading for audience with the Demiurge. I’ll share it in this post today. It’s totally rad, as they say in California. It captures the energy so awesomely.

So, yes, I was on a fairly new track. 21 years old, married, and so hungry to serve God, to make a difference for God, and as I said, a little less consciously, also hungry to escape boredom while I was at it.

After our first year of marriage, and working at pay-the-bills kinds of jobs, Mar-yam confronted me after work one fall Friday as a long weekend was approaching, with the crazy idea of visiting friends 2 provinces away to check into joining in with a mission project they were involved with. We actually left, 6 hours later, after a phone call, and me getting the incredulous look off my face. We knew we were in danger of settling for the norm if we kept this pattern running. We decided it was for us, came home, squared away, gave away, sold off, and loaded up and were back there in 6 weeks.

We shared this uncanny ability to jump ship when the guidance came, but she was usually the one to help me break the spell of whatever the current pattern was, given a part of me’s attachment to familiarity.

Over the years, our desire to get into the cherished ‘full time ministry’ never quite materialized. After a year away in the neighboring province, we returned home where I began finding jobs as a self employed painter with a whole bunch of my innate desires and passions funneling into building that while serving God, or, in order to serve God, as we framed it.

We self funded our way to regular short term mission trips, a few early ones to Mexico with a small, but exciting mission in Tijuana headed by other friends we were close to; One to Hong Kong with the founders of our church, and several to different places and projects in the Philippines that continued over our two decades together. We were Bible School grads, fancied ourselves teachers, and in the groups our church was a part of overseas, the locals were more than happy to let us take the pulpit, with our white skin and all.

We dreamt of our first child, and she ended up coming along for the ride in utero for our first trip overseas. Family; extended family; missionary travel; what was now referred to as a ‘business’ complete with employees; and even building our own home, were all a part of the picture by the time our second daughter came along 6 years in.

As these realities matured and as the desires ebbed and flowed through our lives, something was brewing in my soul though that was very undeniable, but equally being efforted to keep concealed and suppressed at the same time by parts of me. It was hard to put my finger on. During Bible School, a guest prophetic minister had prophesied publicly over me personally during a laying-on-of-hands service one day something to the effect of ‘don’t fight against the establishment’. Though I didn’t have a file for his words that day, they would come back to haunt me in due time.

I was looked up to by our church circle, as well as in each of our families. We both had leadership and budding teaching positions in the church, leading home groups, participating in services. I loved my daughters as much as life itself. Mar-yam and I only had eyes for each other, and settled deeply into being married for life.

In our 10th year together, I watched with a lot of discomfort as the inner core leadership circle of our church went through choosing sides in a personality conflict battle that was enough to blow up our little haven, this side of heaven. Having a conflict of that nature or of that magnitude wasn’t what got underneath my skin, but rather the active suppression of any ability of the men in the leadership circle to face the issue. It was all a default pattern of saving face and a pretense to hold things together for the next Sunday morning, under the guise of ‘preserving God’s house’. I was pretty convinced God wasn’t in as bad of shape as they made him out to be. This proved to be a deeply etched unwavering pattern that came up repeatedly to simply ignore a given reality in the name of not disturbing the sheep. The more I witnessed them, the more I felt at a deep loss combined with a frustration.

One day at early morning men’s prayer circle, we were joining hands praying loudly in tongues (‘motor-mouthing’ as a part of me would later come to call it), calling God into the scenes of our self created chaos, and I felt so pretzeled about asserting that maybe we should be facing the relational issues between us instead of, or at least, along with all of this passionate prayer. When we broke that day, I called Charlie, a fellow elder aside, and told him gently what I felt. He let me finish, paused for effect, looked me straight in the eye and said, quoting Jesus no less, ‘Are you for us or against us?’ Then he turned and walked away.

The moment of my truth finally came for me when I spoke to the men at our weekly Tuesday night elders meeting. I gathered my courage, opened my mouth and said to the 4 others present, ‘Guys, we’re all in a ditch, but I’m one step ahead of you. I’m willing to admit that and you’re not’. They looked at me kind of funny before the pastor did one of his usual lighten up the moment kind of comments.

My resignation letter followed a few days letter. I never did get my status of ‘Elder In Training’ upgraded to ‘Elder’ as the Pastor, a man near my young age, could sense in me the lacking loyalty, that it seemed that not even I was as in touch with.

The growing disparity between the ‘power of God’ that we all adhered to and championed compared with the growing powerlessness we practiced in our relationships with one another was leading me to feel deeper into the relational disparity inside of my own heart. Part of me tried hard to cover it over with new bigger and better projects or clients in my business. Money seemed to keep growing as a result, which often led Mar-yam and I to consider another mission trip.

Around that same time, just prior to this fallout, we decided to take our young family to the Philippines for a little longer trip of up to 6 months to join some close friends on an exciting mission that our church was recently all into. We were being asked to verify and solidify the relationship with the local pastor there and his congregation in hopes of becoming more involved, with more people and more money. The pastor there was reputed to be the ‘former second in command of the communist party’ in the Philippines and was now a genuine, born-again powerhouse for God. The fanfare of it all didn’t thrill me as much as the excuse to see if we could somehow get deeper into what our hearts really found exciting, as well as escape the growing relational problems in our home church. Maybe a brand new infusion of purpose and focus would sort out both me and the church.

It was amazing to watch the needed money come in through the business in time to match the intention, as usual, with a short notice. It was also a good experience to create some space around my tendency for a one track focus in my work life. Within 2 months of planning, we had our airfares for four and money together, an employee to keep the business alive, and 2 close friends to drive us the 3 hours to the Seattle airport.

Something very unusual happened in the airport that day just prior to boarding, and as I’m liking the vibe of storytelling, and you all listening so sweetly, I think I’ll just plow on into that story if that’s okay? This is a lot, how’s it all landing in the moment, Merlin?

Merlin: You got me spellbound, Raphael. What a planet you lived on! I say, rock on.

Raphael: Are these church and God frequencies a bit dense to take in?

Merlin: They would be if they weren’t coming from you, Raphael, but with your heart that’s found a way through it all, I’m liking feeling what it really felt and looked like to be inside,… even to be not consciously wanting or looking for a way out…. Wow.

Raphael: Okay, good, I’ll go with that then, Merlin. Thank you. Serving the Demiurge really is a captivating experience, pun intended or not, take your pick, where we chose it, because on so many levels, we felt we were in the coolest deal on the planet and the only one that had any real meaning for that matter. If 90 some percent of the whole world was going to hell without a personal relationship with Jesus as their savior, then what could compare to addressing that need? I had no clue then about the ocean of unfelt emotional need, and unworth I was still very much carrying around, as I felt God had taken care of that for me when coming out of my teens in exchange for giving my life over to him. Truth is, more money, another mission trip, more status in the church, none of it was able to completely cover over the hemorrhage of what my heart was bleeding into my space.

So, back to the airport in Seattle that day. We’ve said goodbye to our friends and gotten checked in and are waiting the last hour or so at the gate and already, it’s been a long day, with a 16 hour flight still to come including a pit stop in Tokyo, en route to Manila. The boarding gate was filled with a mixture of Filipino and Asian families waiting to board the sold out flight.

Our daughters aged 3 and 5 took to playing a bit with the Filipino children in front of us which felt cute to witness as I again acclimated to my fondness for the Filipino people. It had been 6 years since our first trip there.

A Filipino man was seated next to me in the crowded space, and when the boarding call was made, and as we rustled from our waiting slumber, I acknowledged him for the first time as our children and his had already made a connection.

I asked him where he was heading to in the Philippines, after landing in the capital. He explained that he was just there getting his mother and his children onto the flight. He asked me the same question in return and I told him the name of the province we were headed to, to do some missions work, having recently memorized it, ‘Ilocos Sur’, another 9 hours by bus to the north in this country of 81 provinces, over 7,200 islands, and a population well over double the size of my Canada.

He smiled and said, ‘oh, that’s the province my mom is from, but now she lives in the capital’. I was warming up to the familiar Filipino sounding English that he spoke that I actually missed, and was soon to get a whole bunch more of. 

Naturally, his next question was, ‘What city or town are you going to?’ I was glad again, that I had remembered a bit from my discussions with friends, as we had never before been in the North of the country before, and told him ‘Santa Maria’. His smile grew larger as he said,‘Santa Maria!, that is my mom’s hometown.’ We both took a minute feeling the incredulity of all this mixed in with keeping an ear out for the sequenced boarding calls, an eye on the children, with our boarding passes and passports in hands.

He then said, ‘who are you going to see there?’ Again, I recalled the name as well as the correct pronunciation of the Pastor of the tiny independent church we were going to be working with there, having never met him, but we had spoke to him on the phone a week or so prior. I was sure this was going to end the list of coincidences now stacking up. I told him the name, ‘Marben Magmay’, the first name being easy to remember as it was the Filipino equivalent to my first name at the time of Marvin. His jaw dropped again, and he said with yet another big friendly Filipino smile, ‘I know Marben, I need to get a message to Marben’s brother actually, will you be the one to take it to Marben for me?’

My head was sure spinning about this time as I’m looking at my wife taking this all in as the man found pen and paper and wrote out a short note in the northern dialect, and handed it to me. I recall being a bit too stunned to ask what the message was about and of course, I couldn’t read the local dialect. About then, we said our goodbyes as he needed to get his elderly mom boarded. I learned we had another 10 minutes or so before our row was going to board, so I got up to walk a few paces to try and digest all this.

I took a few minutes to digest what felt like an energy rush through me. There was a lot of prep, money and energy to get this trip to happen, and so far, there hadn’t been anything overtly that could be seen as a ‘big miracle confirmation’ that God, or the Holy Spirit was ‘supernaturally’ leading this journey, other than what we called the ‘still small voice’ inside along with the extra money manifesting naturally with some focus and intention. This coincidence just then was more the kinds of ‘miracles’ that were the coveted stock-in-trade of our ‘full gospel, spirit-filled, word of faith’ type churches we were a part of. We all longed to have personal testimonies like these to share (or brag about) in church. All I was able to make of it all as I stretched my legs prior to boarding, was that God was tipping his hand of favor and blessing, saying a warm and personal ‘hello’, as I couldn’t see any direct significance to the message itself, now sitting in my front shirt pocket that I had agreed to be the postman for. It looked like something as simple and mundane as little more than ‘call me’ along with a phone number as I recall it. How cooler still would it have been if it was really tied to something world changing? Nonetheless, it went in as a deep personal validation, from God, no less.

This so gets to the heart of what the part of me, who was me at the time, wanted from God, a personal validation, the ‘well done, my good and faithful Servant’ kind of heartfelt validation. I had gone from knowing I would end up in hell if I died at 17 to knowing I was now in good with God, and I wanted to let the world know. I was feeling pretty high, as I couldn’t see how else God could be more outspoken. ‘God’ was sending us on this trip.

Mar-yam and I digested the conversation a couple more times as the flight got underway, beginning our way to our first stop in Tokyo, before continuing onto Manila, letting it color our hearts as a very unique personal blessing from God. I loved feeling all this from 35,000 feet.

The story doesn’t end there though, as far as airport coincidences go. Something almost as magical occurred all over again on the next leg of the trip.

But I’m feeling to let some water under the bridge and take this up again next day. Everything in its own time.

Metatron: Wow, Raphael. I’m so feeling the ache for the acknowledgement of God you spoke to, going from the fear of hell to the bliss of heaven, Wow.

Raphael: Oh, yes, there was nothing greater in my books.

Before I jumped ship from the family church to this one, the real reason I did was because their God wasn’t a boring traditional rule maker, but an exciting one that interacted supernaturally in people’s lives, and gave out this kind of personal validation. I ached to feel God approve of me, or I should say, a part of me ached for God’s approval. There was nothing else that mattered. If I could pursue that, and qualify for that, along with a happy family and children at the same time, that was thee deal.

Metatron: ‘Qualify for…..?’

Raphael: Afraid so. We were all so firmly entrenched in a ‘love in return for obedience’ picture, that it would be yet a few more years before I would begin to get under the edges of that, but eventually, more dramas and events later, just that began to awaken in me.

Metatron: I’m gonna pause to take in here and let whomever would like to respond to share.

Raphael: before we pause for today…

Jim: Wow, I’ve got something to feel in all this, but I need to feel some more around it all and maybe share next day.

Raphael: Thanks Jim, or Dad, as Marvin knew you. I’d like to feel what’s brewing for you.

Andy: I like the 35,000 feet part! That’s where the Demiurge doesn’t have any of his sad stuff happening and that’s where I began to learn to fly, and where I still do. Wayne and I have been taking daily spins in our Merkabah all over the place from Golden Earth and back!

Raphael: Yea, Andy, my beautiful Starbeing Self, who once was Marvin, who once was my inner child, now gone galactic, riding the rays with Wayne, who led my life for 8 years more recently, on this other side of knowing the Demiurge.

Did you see you in Gabriel’s artwork riding right behind Metatron, on Merlin?

Andy: It’s like thee best! Thank you Gabriel. If you never hear from me again, it’s only because I got lost in all the dimensions.

Raphael: I don’t like that idea…

Andy: Okay, I’ll try to remember how to get back from all the places I have on my list to see and travel to, but I can’t promise, you may have to come and find me…

Raphael: Okay, that’s a deal. I want to see all them places too!

So, All, Let’s take a pause here again, but not before I again say thank you to the Gathering Posse Of Hearts. If this story is resonating in your heart, then that resonance and your willingness to feel it is creating a quantum something that accesses this realm and makes for a grander result for all of us. The handful of us in this direct story can do something pretty wild for sure, but with you, riding with us and in our hearts together, we can do something so out of this world, that it will take generations for this new arising story to be told, and tolled.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The More You Already Are

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By Raphael Awen

If you could have anything you ever wanted, or ever will want, how would that change your life in the long run?

Forget about the three wishes and the Aladdin’s lamp scenario. In today’s deal, there’s no limits what-so-ever, so no need to choose any prioritization.

You don’t need to deliberate over whether a billion dollars is more important than personal happiness, etc. You can have it all, physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally, sensually, sexually, and whatever other ‘ally’ you can think of…I must have missed a few, right?

Oh, yes, cosmically, galactically, socially, mentally, environmentally….

Where would you start?

I’d start on the first thing my heart or body or mind or spirit had appetite for. There’s places to visit and experiences to be had for sure, and I’d start with them, but I guess I wouldn’t be doing any of those things to be happier, because I’d have already dialed up all the happiness I wanted as well. This world of no limits whatsoever would be pretty crazy wouldn’t it, and something to get used to?

Before too long, I wouldn’t be operating from any sense of need or desire, because I have or can have whatsoever my heart desires, and then that desire would now be shifted to a fulfillment. I’d have to use some of this creative power to create some needs or desires, or I wouldn’t have any basis for existing in this dimension of experience and pleasure.

How do you define a pleasure without a displeasure to compare it to? A five star hotel only gets its appeal from comparing it to four star, or a three star, or a dumpy slummy kind of dwelling.

How do you define joy without knowing some sorrow?
Can your capacity for joy be separated from your capacity for sorrow?

It’s kind of like the trade off involved when you take an anxiety or depression medication. The med takes out the lows, but it also takes out the highs. It removes you from the range of your emotionality, as well as your humanity.

My guess is that before too long, I would want to be given back at least some of the aspects of my life of genuine unfulfillments and unmet desires, if I was to remain in a human experience in a world of duality (good, better, best, and not so good, etc). Unless of course, I just wanted to be done with this whole reality and cash in my chips. But, you and I wouldn’t be here were it not for some gain, some payoff that makes it all worth the ride, is my sense of it.

Now, let me ask you one more question.

What if, and this is a big ‘what if’, so get ready for it…., ‘what if this above have-it-all scenario and its play outs are exactly (underline exactly) what’s true for you and I on a higher level?’

If we all came from oneness-allness-Divine-source, (or whatever you want to call it, because even if you call it bananas, even bananas are an expression of it) the only thing the Divine didn’t possess was the ability to experience lack, or unfulfillment.

It seems the Divine needed and wanted to know lack, so it could come to experience greater fulfillments that the fullness of fulfillment it already knew. Full fullfilment isn’t actually possible in an ever expanding infinite love reality. It always wants more. It’s never actually fully satisfied. One glory leads to the wanting of more.

This feels so true to me and explains so much of our human behaviors. Addictions are not about our wanting too much, but rather about the fear of being possessed by our wanter, so we settle for the behavior or the substance to keep us from falling into what we fear of the abyss of never-ending want. We have a phobia of our wanter, so we lock it into lesser pleasures.

So, if that feels true, the next questions in our quest are then something like how could the All come to know lack? How could it be safe or desirable to give up Allness in some way to experience and know lack or absence?

My heart tells me that the only way consciousness would accept such a wild ride of departure from fullness would be on the condition of never actually losing the fullness, but only the awareness of it.

For the experience of lack to be real enough, and ‘enough’ is the key word here, it had to feel real. That could happen in a simulated reality we call life, where the simulated reality is one of many being generated by the Allness Reality Simulator, where we have a higher and a lower reality, both of which are equally true.

Here, we come to see and begin to feel that we never lost any fullness in our journey through lack. Lack is actually an expression of our fullness. Wow.

Trippy, huh? And all I’ve had to drink today is a second cup of Cacao and some fruit smoothie! Didn’t even need Ayahuasca!

Now, we come to see and feel that we agreed to forget our essence, only upon the condition that we would never lose possession of our essence. We knew there would be an awakening journey experience that we dialed up for ourselves, and that was the gold we chose over the gold we had.

You are living in an expression right now of your deepest power and superabundance as you experience lack and pain. You dialed up the experiential journey of forgetting, in order to have the felt experience of being re-MEMBERED with your essence.

And then, the cooler part still is that you did it for a net benefit. You did it to expand your perfection!

Holeeee shit! It’s all as holeee as its ever gonna be, right now, as you and I go exploring more and more.

The more that you come to know will never be topped by the more you already are.

How’s that for real adventure?
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

There Are No Wrong Choices

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By Raphael Awen

We chose to enter duality, the place of choosing this over that, with a soul awareness that there are/were no wrong choices.

Every choice we make leads to an awareness that we made the choice; that we eventually came to either like it or not; and that we can make a different choice anytime we want, with what remains in our power to choose.

A previous choice may have narrowed the options before us, and a part of us may feel a bunch of regret about a particular choice, but even that pain filled result is a powerful act of a creator being enacted in order to come to terms with its own power. The wrong choice now couldn’t be more right.

The pain caused by the ‘wrong’ choice, and the all the internal reactions of self judgment, shame, regret, anger, etc., all give us a powerful opportunity to get to know and love the part(s) of ourselves who hold those feelings.

If your child returned home from school distraught over having been bullied that day, a healthy parent would open their heart to simply feel that with the child, so they could digest the trauma and move on. So it is we are being invited to feel the parts of us in reaction to this challenging world of duality we find ourselves in. Until the trauma is able to be felt by an open hearted ‘other’, there is no way for the pain to digest, but instead it gets compartmentalized away to go on to create more similar trauma for us to eventually show up for as the healthy parent ‘other’ to feel. In this way again, all the wrong choices lead to the right choices.

The right choice is simply the willingness to feel what we were up till that point unwilling or unable to feel. The whole point of all the drama of our lives, like any story, movie, or novel is that life essentially is about creating feeling. It can also be seen that all karmic play outs in our lives are not about punishment, but rather about re-creations of feeling scenarios, that we came here to feel.

It seems that if life in this dimension is anything, it is constantly about choosing some thing over another thing. We can avoid a particular choice, but no-choice is always very much a choice. Even in that, we are ‘event’ually brought to feeling the part of us afraid to choose, along with their sacred whats and whys.

These are the moments of total redemption. These are the moments of totally getting the whole point of all the dramas and their play outs. These are the moments of coming home to yourself.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

The Next Moment Is A Blank Slate

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By Raphael Awen

Today, like any next moment, is a blank slate.

There is the momentum of your beliefs and values rolling like a train down a well worn track inside of you, held in place by parts of you, that will fill that blank slate if you allow it to, but prior to any moment, the next moment, in its essence is always a blank slate.

Because we are so accustomed to every arising moment being spoken for by this massive freight train of our beliefs and feelings and its seemingly unstoppable inertia, we lose sight of the blank slate and its potential, accepting instead the all-too-familiar manhandling of these agents of some bureaucratic moment-killing agency; in this case, the very beliefs and values that we adopted along the way in the name of fitting in.

Life from then on becomes largely a ‘just what is’ kind of reality that we have long ago simply accepted, forgotten, having long moved on now to seeing how we can best tolerate the leftovers, of what actually amounts to a devastation on an epic scale in our consciousness.

The Now has become simply an extension of the past, protruding into the future, with you and I sitting rather uncomfortably faced with our present.

Reverence and wonder is sacrificed to paying homage daily to a despised, but nonetheless revered god of normalcy. No longer are we the creators, but now we are turned to the need to make life one big pharmacy dispensing machine, giving out one medication after another to cover over this pain of the loss of our true creative power. All of life then at root becomes about assuaging this very real, but well hidden pain of this loss, while we are mostly too medicated to even see this layer of reality.

We lost the moment. We lost our power. We simply give it away every single moment of every single day, until something awakens in us.

I find I can write passionately about this truth, crafting words to attempt to drive home my point, but truth be told, the more I feel the reality I just described, the less I feel like any master over it. I awaken to thumb away here on my iPad to reach for a drink from my own well, from my own Higher Self, to receive an awareness altering message in order to face my own inner freight train of my preconstructed looking glass. The very next moment is right there before me, virgin, without guile, and yet wanting to play in whatever innocence we can feel together, yet there is also the very real threat of the moment being seized, by ‘the agency’, like the last one and the one before that.

Near as I am able to now tell, having wrestled with this false god for some time, in a variety of spiritual settings, there actually isn’t anything to master here, or to overcome. What I have actually discovered is that the attempt to master some life altering spirituality in the name of overcoming an unwanted limiting pattern and predisposition is actually to strengthen, rather than diminish its reality inside of us. What we resist persists.

Instead, I am invited to assume my Higher Self’s position and feel the parts of me who hold these limiting beliefs and values that they cling to. Here, I discover very beautiful reasons they hold for clinging to old patterns so tenaciously. Only as I feel these parts of me and their sacred ‘why’s’ for feeling what they do, and why they energize the barriers to the moment that they do am I afforded any real shifts in my life. Only as the parts of me that live inside of me find new values and beliefs that they adopt of their own free will and sovereignty, am I actually afforded any lightening or shortening of the moment-crashing freight train inside of me.

I am invited to turn the passion of the ‘fight to overcome’ into a heart campaign to claim the previously unknown and unwanted parts of myself. My passion will still surely be called upon, but with a whole new set of values and beliefs to guide them. The warrior within will still have plenty of territory to express and transform, albeit inside of a letting-in reality, over a keeping-out reality.

I get the dawning awareness that this may well keep me busy the rest of this life, that this actually is what life is, to bring awareness to every moment in this way. If I did succeed to the point of no longer needing this practice, I may well have lost the whole point of being here, which is to keep letting in the love that I am. Quite possibly, the best place to gain the most traction and momentum in living my way into this new reality is from right here on Gaia.

I mean, if it were not so, wouldn’t you and I be somewhere else, doing something different with our sacred power?

Read more about enculturating a new way of life inside of you at:soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions. We would love to have your inquiry into SoulFullHeart’s new program offerings ‘FREE, PREP and DEEP’.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

SoulFullHeart Patreon Money UPdate February 2018

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By Raphael Awen

Wow, what a ride February has proven to be, with a ton of change!

We went from having eleven facilitants in SoulFullHeart, and climbing, to having only three (at the moment)!

A big piece of that reduction was actually about us no longer being comfortable to serve people with our weekly sessions program who we didn’t really feel wanted the process on the level we are offering it and who were more drawn instead to having a regular therapy kind of holding. It’s nice to be wanted, and even to be seen as unique, and to have people willing to give you money for services, but we also need to feel that what we are serving is firing on enough cylinders to make it engaging and rewarding for ourselves as well as the facilitant, and in alignment with the SoulFullHeart picture.

All of this made for a narrower money picture as well as a back-to-the-drawing-board turn for us, as our recent modest, but treasured surplus monthly cash position had turned into a near shortfall.

This led us back to the thought of developing more of a self-led, self guided process within SoulFullHeart’s offerings to serve interested people for a much smaller minimum monthly donation that involved assignments, group online calls and a members-only private forum for process interaction and sharing. This also felt like the perfect solution for people who need or want more time and space to acclimate to SoulFullHeart energies at their own pace and proximation without it involving the focus and momentum of weekly one-on-one session space.

This led to a re-creation of our entire offering into three separate programs what we now call ‘Free, Prep and Deep’, with Prep being this new self-led program and the weekly sessions program being the Deep program, that now has several refinements and value adds as well.

If this experiment ends up being viable financially for us, with each new Prep and Deep member helping us plant the SoulFullHeart way of life into consciousness, our narrower money picture could well become a sweet memory of our ‘garage days’.

We set out a few months back to ‘transparentize’ our world of money, feeling this intention to be be central to wanting to plant a new way of life in the world. Glastonbury (Our UK in May plan) remains very much in our focus and desire for this year, and feels like our next big project undertaking as well as our next fundraising. We will be sharing more about it soon.

Here is the Money UPdate for February, 2018:

(all figures in US Dollars)

$2,218 – Gabriel and Kalayna’s English Teaching through VIPkid.

$1,129 – Donations for Sessions.

$64 – Group Call Donations for our one Group Call this month.

$37 – Book Sales

$36 – General Donations – People just sending money!

$3,484 – TOTAL Revenue for January. – that’s about $700 a person!

A very special thank you to those who are a part of weekly SoulFullHeart session space, as well as to our precious Patreons.

More about our Programs here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

From myself, Jelelle Awen , Kalayna Colibri , Gabriel Heartman , andRaianna Shai , as well as from some near and dear souls presently deepening with us, THANK YOU, for your love, for your support, and for showing us your love in the form of money. 

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Check out our programs: FREE, PREP and DEEP, for a new and profound going-on place in your spiritual and emotional journey at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Day 6 ~ Journal To The Demiurge

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Journal To The Demiurge with Raphael Awen Day 6

By Raphael Awen

(This is Day 6 of an ongoing series, to begin at day 1, go here: https://goo.gl/CgrWXZ)

Raphael: Hello again, Wow, Day 6 all. Upward and onward to the Demiurge, Shall we?

Metatron: We shall.

Raphael: Any check ins, anyone?

Jim: I’ll go.

Raphael: Perfect.

Jim: I was listening and taking in deeply the sharing of your story, Raphael, over the last few days. At times, I was just so overcome with a deep sadness for what I wasn’t able to begin to see or feel with you as it was happening, as you were growing up, or entering adulthood, while I was the one you called ‘dad’. I can so feel now how your draw to the Demiurge came in as a placeholder for what you and I couldn’t find together, and for what your heart needed. I need to say again how deep that sorrow feeling goes. I am so, so sorry, Raphael. You deserved more, and I so short changed myself as well with what I could have known and experienced with you.

Raphael: Thank you, Jim. That goes in, again. Must still be some pieces for us to feel there together. Infinite healing, I guess we could call it. Aside from any labels though, I feel the genuine heart chord you are vibrating at right now and it feels so good. Marvin gets now that I chose all of this on a soul level, but it still touches deeply the wounds felt in 3D. And it opens the heart more too, to feel any and all remorse as often as it comes up, till it’s done, if it’s ever done.

Jim: When I grow up, I want to be like you, Raphael. Thank you everyone for feeling me this morning. I hope I’m not too much, it’s just a bit of a task helping out from the other side.

Raphael: You are never too much, Jim. I’m glad you checked in. Who else is feeling something?

Rhodes: I’m feeling something…

Raphael: Please, Rhodes…

Rhodes: I guess… I’ll just recap what we felt together earlier today, Raphael?

Raphael: I know I’d love to hear it in your words, Rhodes, and it feels so important to this journey we are all undertaking. And to those still catching up with our story, Rhodes is my personal Gatekeeper, who resonates at a much higher frequency than 3D, and holds access to other dimensions. We all have one, or more maybe, and I’m very glad to have Rhodes!

Rhodes: Okay, so, yesterday, what was really coming up for me was a despair, of not feeling that excited about the next evolution in Raphael’s life. This was hard to admit, and I don’t think I’ve ever really let myself feel that before. Anything to try and stay positive. I wasn’t able to hide that feeling though this morning as it got really pushed up while Raphael shared about his journey this life. I can call it ‘his’ journey now, but that’s another recent development too. It has felt like my journey for as long as I can remember up till recently. As I was saying, this despair came up strong and Raphael asked me to just feel it together. I was able to feel, and to even admit that the next big discovery, or realization, which I’ve always been attached to in the past, just felt aimless to me now.

I know we have a God hunger, or a divine hunger, I should call it, that still lives inside, well on the other side of the Demiurge variety that is so much more alive, and so much more meaningful, but I just wasn’t into it somehow. I couldn’t quite feel why, when Raphael said, ‘Maybe, being with me in the way you have been isn’t where or how you’re supposed to be?’. He meant that I’m to be vibrating at a higher, more native frequency, not so invested this intensely in what’s happening or not happening in Raphael’s life. I just let out a great big bunch of heartache tears about then. I’ve been a bit jealous feeling Wayne and Andy take up residence in Golden Earth, coming back and forth as they please, and I know I’m meant to be there and beyond too. It landed in me that there has been a big mission accomplished here that I couldn’t see.

I hope I’m not taking up too much space with all this.

Raphael: We can take up the next four years with this, if we want to Rhodes. The Demiurge has been around a long time and isn’t going anywhere. And what we feel and heal together rumbles all the way, even to the big old pain the Demiurge is carrying around.

Rhodes: That feels good to feel…

Raphael: Actually,.. or maybe I should ask Metatron for input here, instead of trying to channel him. Metatron?

Metatron: Actually…, I was feeling a rumble, Raphael, and Rhodes, what an epic movement and celebration, wow! This is the real deal. This is the quantum healing we’ve been waiting for. My goodness, so many directions to go in at once. Let me take a moment….

The Demiurge has been born of consciousness, as were all of us, you, me, each and every part of us going through an awakening process, being re-membered back to love as you like to say Raphael. Before the awakening and remembering though was a separation, or what felt like a separation, an unavoidable soul birth trauma as Divine allness or oneness became two. All fear has its roots in this experience of what could only be felt at the time as separation from the Divine. All the world’s religions and every spirituality to this day exist in an attempt to address these fears one way or the other, some legitimately, many questionably.

Consciousness expanded itself into duality, from oneness into twoness. Prior to that, there was no such thing as ‘other’. What we are learning now however, and taking all the time we need to in that learning, is that though we were given individuality, or as we were ‘otherized’ into existence, you could say, there still is nothing that is ‘other’ to the divine. Not even the Demiurge for that matter. There is only that which is still awakening to the oneness that was retained in the separation. It’s separation without losing oneness if you can grok that somehow.

Okay, I’m going a bit ‘meta’ here I realize, but that’s my name, Meta-tron. Rhodes, how’s this landing in you? Is it bridging to what you are feeling?

Rhodes: It does, Metatron, on a high level bridging for sure. As I dial it down a few levels, I feel how all of our life dramas are connected to this soul birth trauma as you are calling it, as well as the subsequent awakening and remembering processes. I’ve already been able to feel some pretty big aches in the Metasoul that were bleeding into my reality, and I’m feeling that some of this despair is about wanting to be in my native frequency as I said, but other pieces of it are about unfelt despair in some of my and Raphael’s Metasoul brothers too. It’s going to get interesting feeling and distinguishing all that. So, the situation report for the moment is that I don’t think I am, or necessarily need to be as disinterested in Raphael’s life as I said I was feeling, AND, I still want to spread my wings to much more of my multidimensionality going forward.

Raphael: I’m feeling you have a perspective on all this Merlin…

Merlin: I do, a really nice warm and fuzzy one, that has enough clarity for my liking at the same time. I’m feeling this process for you, Rhodes, is perfectly on time with the journey at hand.

The Demiurge long ago took to reigning in these lower dimensions, but it so doesn’t feel like he is having fun doing it, or that he is in his native frequency being here. I mean, beings that are having fun don’t need that much control, or duty and obligation to keep their deal afloat. It’s so obvious that we are dealing with an unhappy camper who doesn’t know anything different, but wants to, possibly,… at least, I’m hoping that ‘want to’ is dawning on him; that a new deal is possible and his own deeper desires are coming into his awareness. If that’s true, then your awakening, Rhodes, mirrors his, and is just what’s wanting to move through consciousness now.

Raphael: Wow, like even the Demiurge is going through an Ascension process…?

Merlin: …like even the Demiurge is ascending, yes, or being offered Ascension is actually more accurate. Nothing happens outside of free will, but the window for it is ripening big time.

Raphael: Then, I’m feeling how we can’t offer anything that we aren’t deeply experiencing ourselves.

Merlin: Bingo! And if we are picking up on the bigger rumble, that the Demiurge is getting close to being done with his Heavenly Father persona, that’s the only way this ambassadorship will achieve anything. Timing is everything as they say, for us to approach him while we are in possession of something he longs for. Ambassadorships work through beneficial mutual exchange. We can only expect to gain audience with him if we possess something he wants. Your journey, Rhodes, is an excellent example of coming free, breaking ancient chains, smelling very fresh air, outside the prison doors, overlooking the beautiful inviting valley.

Raphael: Okay, well that expands the picture here again this morning. We’re inviting the Demiurge out of his prison for the first time…. Holeeee!

I know this is all pure blasphemy of the highest order to those still under the Demiurge’s reign, but hopefully, we won’t encounter too much of their resistance. We can just quietly sneak up, unlock their prison doors too, and split. Let them figure it out when they’re ready and we don’t take any buckshot in the process.

I think all this could use some settling and baking time inside all of us, and assuming the Demiurge has us on speed dial now, and is listening and up to speed with everything we’re up to, then I’ll bet, he could use a bit of acclimation time too, right?

Andy: So let’s take out the Merkabah for a Galactic spin then. There’s some galaxies we could visit that are not too far out of our own solar system. There’s major cool stuff there, and no Demiurge.

Raphael: Andy, we so need all that and more, but I’m wondering how that could jive with me taking the time to share more today of our this-life, this-dimension story in Christianity?  

Andy: Okay, How about if we all pile into the Merkabah and I can dial up some scenery then as we do?

Raphael: Sounds Perfect, Andy. I know I can use some higher Starseed frequencies to help going back to reliving some of this stuff. I’ll bet there still is some undigested pieces to feel, or I wouldn’t be drawn to retell the story.

Where was I?

Jim: You said that wasn’t the end of the airport coincidences that day in the airport.

Raphael: Right, let me launch back in there then.

So, Mar-yam and I and our two daughters are making our way across the Pacific at 35,000 feet digesting this wild coincidence, or in our books, a miracle, that happened just before boarding. I didn’t know the word ‘synchronicity’ at the time, or relate to them the way I do now. It gave us a warm feeling to digest an obvious ‘supernatural’ sign of God’s blessing or approval on the mission ahead, and on ourselves if we could feel it as that.

We landed for our short stopover in Tokyo, where we have to switch planes. Seats are in short supply when we check in, so I end up sitting one row ahead with Mar-yam and the girls just behind me on this final leg with a four or five hour flight into Manila.

My desired window seat is a great place to be alone with my thoughts and feel a whole dimension of something that I so rarely get to feel, so I settle into my own cocoon. As the flight begins its descent into Manila, the people on board naturally begin to stir, and I make a motion to greet my seat mate for the first time on my left, a middle-aged Asian man. We did the usual by asking where each other was headed after landing in the capital. I again recited the name of the province we were very soon to be headed by bus. He smiles and says, ‘Oh, that’s where my family is from, but we live in Manila now.’ He of course asks, ‘What city?’, I tell him, and his smile grows wider, he responds, ‘That’s where my family is from.’ I don’t know if I could take this anymore at this point, and luckily, he didn’t personally know of the Pastor I was going to visit, but he did know the family name.

Wow, I was just digesting one coincidence and got another one stacked on top of it. The question of ‘what are the chances…?’ didn’t even enter my mind as I so felt this was outside of the realm of mere chance. It was a personal confirmation of God being in this.

We landed and crowded our way off the plane as I shared this story with Mar-yam, without much time to digest it, making our way through the luggage and customs gauntlet. If I didn’t get the message with the first coincidence, I was given another to make sure I got it. I did get the message, yet I struggled to know what it’s deeper meanings might be.

Within a day of arriving, after another long ride, this one by bus, we met with Marben and Amy, the Pastor couple, along with their family and very welcoming congregation.

Given their esteem for us; along with all of our cultural and logistical bridging needs in a very foreign country; in an out-of-the-way town; our daily travels etc.; we formed a tight knit feeling of bond and community together that we all hoped would naturally extend well into the future with many comings and goings between us as well as our churches.

A few days after arriving, I did meet Marben’s brother and gave him the note I had for him from the Filipino man I had sat beside while boarding in Seattle. He smiled lightly at the coincidence, and simply read the note and stuck it in his shirt pocket. I recall feeling a bit disappointed that it wasn’t somehow anything more significant, or supernatural.

One day, I recall disappointing Marben badly by wearing my overseas footwear of choice; flip flops; while setting out to speak with a large group at a city wide gathering. We found our way through the cultural differences sufficiently to grow deeper and deeper over the short period of time, with a mostly natural ease.

Nearing the end of our time together however, a troubling growing awareness of some huge disintegrities arose that Marben seemed to be keeping well under wraps. It appeared that he was involved sexually somehow with the pretty and vulnerable Bible School students that the church led; that he was also not detached from the local communist party like he claimed he was; and also that church finances were going sideways off the books.

The other leaders from our church group had left a week earlier and had chickened out from addressing any of this, hoping I would surrender to the usual default same face-saving charade and just ‘cool off Marben’s way’ after a ‘nice’ church send-off service. Voila.

I knew all that Marben and we had talked about in regards to ongoing deeper involvement and being overseas ‘sister churches’ was off the table. There was no way we could go home and support any of that now, with what we suspected.

What I couldn’t bring myself to do though was to play the charade card. I knew an extra special send-off service was planned for us the following weekend and so the pressure to keep nice was about as strong as it could get.

The next day, when Marben dropped by as usual, I found my courage and told him about the 3 questions about him that had arose, which left unresolved would hinder all that we had hoped to share together going forward. I made it as easy as possible on myself and rolled it all into one sentence. He let me finish, pierced his eyes like daggers along with his forefinger and said, ‘That’s right, you don’t know’, and headed for the door. Our next time to see him was him smiling warmly as usual for the send off service where the locals piled us high with flowers and even received a love offering to help send us on our way.  

The last thing I did before boarding the return flight home was to find a mailbox in the airport to mail him a letter I wrote him confirming that we would not be continuing with any of the plans we had made until when and if things got resolved.

It was a tough one to digest going from feeling all of this ‘supernatural confirmation from God’ through the coincidences at the outset of this trip to this kind of a death on the way out the door.

Returning back home to our church, the fellow Elders and Pastor weren’t interested in debriefing any of this in any kind of a relational way as it was just an embarrassment, and ‘a bit of spiritual warfare to put behind us’ so the real work of God could go on unhindered.

The again default pattern of not facing and feeling real relational issues inside of our personal and leadership relationships was reaching a boiling point in me. Mar-yam and I had lamented it ongoingly now for years. I knew I wasn’t about to rip anyone’s head off, but I sure as hell couldn’t remain in this kind of a charade forever.

I sadly gave myself to the finding and diving into the next painting contract. In the world of contracting, we made a promise and kept it, and that somehow felt like a balm of integrity in the face of the game playing we did in church, that more and more and more, I was on the edge of losing my stomach for. I wasn’t aware of any misgivings towards God, but we, as his people, were sure a sad pathetic sight is how I felt about it at the time.

Metatron: Wow, Raphael, what a universe!

Raphael: I know, huh. It’s like I’m right back there at the moment, feeling myself as Marvin so looking for a way through the jungle, while being afraid to feel how much of a jungle it was at the same time. What do you make of it all, Metatron?

Metatron: I get it, Raphael. As being part of the church, you were all fired up to take God’s truth to the far flung places on the planet. You had thee instruction guide for meaningful relationships, and this was the best you were able to come up with. That has got to be maddening.

Raphael: That was maddening for sure. But what was even more maddening was the unwillingness to admit any of it. Truth was, and this took me some more years inside of all this to feel, is that there was a lot inside of myself I wasn’t willing to face, that I needed to keep hidden. It wasn’t as glaringly obvious as chasing women, or dipping into church finances, but it was stuff I was subconsciously very geared to not feel or face.

Part of me was using God and the hopeful focus of really making my life ‘count for God’ as a way to not feel what this part of me so wanted to escape feeling, believing that feeling that would be the end of me. At the time however, I couldn’t feel any of that hidden subconscious stuff. I could however feel very clearly that the key to finding our way through the jungle was to get real, to get real with each other, to get real with God, with whatever we could feel as real.

The admission I made in the elders circle, and resignation letter that I mentioned last day, came within months of returning home from this trip. I needed to take my own medicine and get real with myself. Mar-yam and I soon left our beloved all-in church behind, and went on to join one where we had no knowledge of the inner workings. I simply didn’t want to know, and feared that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to hang out there either.

I see now, that it was at this point that my belief and intense focus on the Bible as ‘thee deal’ lightened some, even if I couldn’t admit that either at the time. I opened myself back up to non-Christian music and reading, which I had been conditioned deeply to feel as backsliding. Who’d have guessed, for instance, that a Mormon, a decidedly deceived person, in our particular staunch Christian mindset that is, like Stephen Covey, could write such a grounded and genuinely helpful book like 7 Habits Of Highly Successful People without threatening hell, or sounding like a street preacher?

I knew two things instinctively at the time. One was that ‘God was for us’ and the other was that ‘He needed us to reach for the help we sought.’ I reached for the self-help aisle in the local bookstores and checked in from time to time to see if any Christian authors in the Christian bookstore had got real in the meantime.

It was a journey from this point over the course of the next 14 years, of slowly, but surely, thinning out one ‘pillar of the faith’ after the other. I did come across a small group claiming to still be true Christians, but had dispensed with many of the popular Evangelical claims, teaching a very alternative message. I dove deeply into two particular teachers in that movement for a good while. Mar-yam found it a breath of such fresh air as well, and we were even surprised to find two couples in our circle of long standing friends that were ready and hungry for a similar shift in focus. It allowed us some personal quiet breathing room, to feel into more of what we believed and why, while not jeopardizing our claim to being Christian, at least to ourselves.

A big one came around the halfway point of that stretch coming to the conclusion, as well as to the admission, the latter being the harder part, that I no longer held the Bible as the ‘inerrant, inspired, God-breathed, Word of God’. My intuition was pinging on all cylinders telling me that the only point of an ‘inerrant book’ was simply control, and that any ‘God’ out for control, was no ‘God’ at all. I had to adjust my picture of God and the Bible to a more progressive one in order to continue for the time being and that’s what I did.

This was the point though where Mar-yam became quite uncomfortable with where I was going, realizing that without that conviction, as liberating as it admittedly felt on one level, there also was no guarantee on anything, including our marriage. Our close friends interest in this new message and movement dried up at this time too.

Andy, I’m thinking a break-point is in order soon, can you dial us in an address to park this Merkabah for a bit?

Andy: Got the perfect spot in mind, Raphael. There’s a black hole super portal in our vicinity, and then just a mere 12 million light years from there, so we’re good. I’ll have us with our feet up in no time. Hold tight everyone, you might feel a bump or two.

Raphael: You are thee best, Andy! I’m thinking there’s some more digesting we need to do, but I’m a bit tired from the reliving of all this, and I know there’s more to feel, that I’ll need a nights sleep or two along with Andy’s galactic stay to digest this all, and what we’re fixing to do, from an elevated perspective, we could call it…

Anyone have anything they need to share before we take a pause?

Merlin: Pausing’s good.

Rhodes: I’ll say…

Raphael: Until next day then, everyone. What a day’s Journey this was. Many, many thanks again!
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

New Babies Announcement: SoulFullHeart FREE, PREP and DEEP

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

We’re having brand new babies and these babies are going to take a beloved community to raise them!

We are launching our new PREP program this week and this has necessitated a transformation and naming of our other two previously nameless babies that we’ve had up till now, as FREE and DEEP.

Our new program offerings are now called, FREE, PREP and DEEP.

We’re so excited we can hardly stand it!

FREE is free, a ton of fresh-baked goodies that we send out almost every day through a host of channels, creating virtual cafes and libraries for you to find your way in. In FREE, you can acclimate to and take in the signature SoulFullHeart energies that we feel you can’t find anywhere else. You can create a lot of movement and shifts in your life just by taking in these free offerings and allowing them to move through you and your view of life and relationships. FREE is actually at the heart of what we offer and we put so much into it, because we want to, and because it’s our funnest fun.

PREP is the next level of significant engagement. For $77 USD minimum donation per month, you can become a PREP member. In PREP, you will receive three weekly SoulFullHeart Process program assignments each month tailored to getting to know and feel aspects of yourself in alignment with your Ascension journey. There are also three facilitated and recorded group calls every month that you can join in live or take in afterwards, at your leisure, with other PREP and DEEP members, to have space to process what you are digesting. Another BIG support structure is the SoulFullHeart Circle, a members-only private forum to share your assignments, digestions, and form new relationships based in the SoulFullHeart way of life. With this expanded engagement of your intentionality along with the weekly process assignments, the group calls, and the Circle, you will be able to make much deeper and grounded life changes that your heart and soul have been wanting to make, with all of that based in getting to know and feel parts of yourself, rather than a self-help regimen overlay of what you ‘should’ do.

In PREP, for an additional minimum donation of $55 USD, you can also schedule a 75 to 90 minute personal session with one of the SoulFullHeart facilitators as you feel the need for specific digestions.

PREP is a self-guided program where you have a ton of resources to choose from that you can engage with at your own pace and allow life to flow with you and your discoveries and shifts.

The details for PREP along with a ‘Buy Now’ button can be found here. If you are ready, you can sign up immediately. All you need to do is make the minimum donation (or more) and we’ll send you our welcome letter and get you oriented. No commitment beyond the month is required.

Then comes DEEP for a minimum monthly donation of $222 USD a month. You can dive in here if you want to, but you may not want to. Depends. We’ll meet with you first to discuss what you are looking for and how we and the DEEP program could serve you. DEEP includes all of the PREP program, as well as the FREE program, which form the foundations for the DEEP program.

What DEEP offers beyond this foundation is going through the same weekly assignments that are offered in PREP, but along with having a recurring weekly personal session space with one of the program facilitators (Gabriel, Kalayna or Raphael, with Jelelle as a senior facilitator working with women who have completed a minimum of three months in DEEP) too. This is all-in for a minimum donation of $222 USD per month.

As you are using all of the tools and means to support your process of getting to discover, know and love parts of yourself, the sessions provide a space for these parts to come to life. They will feel the light and love of a new day, as you are also templated and guided to be this new, loving, authentic self, and curious parent energy to these parts of yourself. Our wounding occured in a feeling space while in relationship and so does our healing, one beloved part at a time. If you know already that you want to go into DEEP, we want to meet with you in a Program Advisory Session led by myself (Raphael) to get you oriented and grounded. If I really feel you would be better served by PREP, we will talk about that together as well. We ask for a minimum donation of $33 USD for this one hour Program Advisory Session. Go here if you’d like to purchase that and I will be in touch to set that up with you.

The details for DEEP can be found here. Information about the brand NEW SoulFullHeart Process can be found here.

We believe this stuff down to our core. We walk what we talk and we live it everyday. Serving it to others is an extension of that. We believe with all of our hearts that you will not find anything like it anywhere. We’ve looked high and low. That’s a bold claim, I know, but how is it that any lesser claim could be enough for you?

If this resonates for you, please join us and become a part of the community that it’s going to take for the raising of these new babies – SoulFullHeart FREE, PREP and DEEP.

We will be more than delighted for each and every one of you that desire to be a part of this and what the road ahead calls us, all together, to show up for.

In Heart,

Raphael Awen, on behalf of all of us here in SoulFullHeart.
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Belief Systems Anonymous

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

Life is relating to all of me, and I in turn am relating to all of life.

It’s happening in the background with or without my awareness. I may be thinking about something pressing, but while I’m given to that awareness, a million other potential concerns are moving along effortlessly.

This is such a bizarre reality for each of us, so much so, that we screen it out and normalize it into everyday waking reality. We toss around the ‘hey, how are you’ greeting out of need to do something with the reality that an I and a you coexist somehow together. But behind our polite or impolite interface with life, is this awesome awe that none of us really knows what to do with. We look and we can only sustain contact for brief moments, and we must turn away, for the fear of the awesomeness that will most surely consume us, leave us no more. But, make no mistake, each of us feels this awesomeness and lives in total fear of it, on a deeper level.

This addresses why we form looking glasses and belief systems with which to look at life, for to look without a looking glass would surely be to die. Even everything I just said above and will go on to say is being produced and filtered by my current belief system.

You cannot live without suitable clothing and unprepared in a harsh cold climate and so it is in this harsh climate of duality that we live in everyday. We must choose one thing over the other and then busy ourselves in that pursuit. Our looking glass is what provides the data to interpret what really matters and what doesn’t. Who’d want to be without that? What would be left in life without that?

Feel for a moment the You who doesn’t know life outside of its looking glass. Feel the myriad of different looking glasses that people choose, how different and opposing they are to one another. Feel how defensive we are about our looking glass being challenged. Then feel in this myriad of difference, the commonality of the fact that we all cling to the need to have a belief system.

We should all check into Belief Systems Anonymous. ‘Hi, my name is Raphael and I’m a looking-glassaholic. I’ve been sober for going on thirteen years and while I still use my looking glass everyday, my sobriety is found in my acknowledgement of that. Prior to being sober, I couldn’t admit or take responsibility for my looking glass. So many were the problems of this fusion to my belief system, so many the judgments of myself and others, which led me deeper and deeper into a form of OCD so insidious, for the simple fact that everyone around me were also unrepentant looking glassaholics. My sober years are opening me more and more, with awareness and admission, to more and more glances of unfiltered reality, to the infinity of love that I can’t begin to describe, but my feelers feel it, and I am overcome with tears. These kinds of nervous breakdowns are the best. I need one quite often just to be able to go on. I need to tell you who I am and what my challenges have been and are before I can feel sane attempting to relate to you any further. Thank you for listening to my story.’

Where is life asking you to feel the edges of your belief system now? What parts of you hold different and even often opposing belief systems inside of you? How is life’s relationship with you wanting to change and shift into new ground of your ongoing awakening into the deeper infinite love that you actually are!

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

There’s a ton of new creativity brewing in our latest program offerings, FREE, PREP, and DEEP. Check them out at the link above.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

What Would The Voice Of Your Shadow Say?

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

If you were just to let the voice of your shadow speak, what would it say?

‘I’m bored as hell a lot of the time.’

‘I like service of others, it’s just people I don’t like.’

‘I know you come across as confident and together, but I feel afraid and confused much of the time.’

I’m afraid nothing new or good will ever happen for me.’

My dreams the last few nights have been about less-than-comfortable and awkward situations with people and life, not nightmares per sé, but maybe my closest version of one.

One of the dreams had a lot to do with my previous career as a painting contractor in situations where everything was going wrong, and I was stressed and very uncomfortable. That makes sense that for 30 years in a career where the conscious focus was about getting paid to make things go right, that a part of me would hold the awareness and fear of everything going wrong. It’s like a part of me used those fears that were parked in shadow of everything falling apart as a motivator to keep things going right. Parts of us use our fears to create our own in-house energy generators.

Here, the deal is that if you work hard at it on a number of fronts, the reward is ‘coming out on top’, whatever a dominant part of you defined that to mean, but at what cost? What about all the off-the-books costs that had to be taken out of account to hold this deal together? How does it really feel now to be in your skin? How do you fare in the domain of meaningful relationships? Do you feel real to yourself? Is sexuality just a teenagers peek-a-boo ground that you run from or that runs from you? Are you dependent on any number of life patterns to hold a semblance of sanity together? What are your real desires and frustrations in each area of your life? If suicide wasn’t frowned upon, would you want to just hit the delete button, or refresh button?

Going here to these questions will really kill the popular quest for happiness-at-any-cost party. It won’t feel good to go here. It will feel like a shit-hell of all that’s been avoided and parked under wraps in shadow. But, what’s the cost of not going here is the deeper question. What’s the real joy and bliss that you are even more afraid of experiencing?

I’m not sure exactly what triggered it for me, it was more of an accumulation of experiences and feelings, but when the ‘more’ sudden shifts came, I simply felt like I couldn’t breathe without getting real with myself and those in my world. My truth had been parked in my shadow and marked a threat to my happiness, but now it needed to pop out. A tipping point occurred that now determined that there was no longer any real happiness to be had in the pretense game of living to others duty and obligation pictures and belief systems, that parts of me also bought into and energized. ‘Fuck it all’ part of me said with a back pressure sufficient to blow the doors of my false world wide open. I told my beloveds that I was no longer a Christian, that I didn’t believe in heaven and hell like we were taught, or that I wanted to remain in my marriage for duty sake. Boom, entire world changed pretty much overnight, with some lead-in, and lots to live out.

Every one of us, I believe are being asked to come to terms with our shadow like never before. My big experience was thirteen years ago. It feels like the times have way intensified since then as Gaia herself and the collective consciousness are taking on their own shadows like the time is now!

So when will you feel done with excelling in one or two areas of life while losing it in the other areas? When will you own all that you really want and desire?

If this speaks to you, then I just had the privilege of mirroring your own truth to you. I have a new party to get on with and I’d like to invite you to check it out. In a few days, we will be announcing a new self-led, self-paced approach to SoulFullHeart called PREP, as well as redefining what we now call DEEP, involving weekly sessions. Both are life changers.

There’s more where this comes from! 
Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Could It Be That The Divine Is Bored And Lonely Too?

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

What if the Divine is actually capable of boredom and loneliness?

The question itself is so far off our radar, that we’ve been incapable of asking it. We’ve been so trained to see God, or the Divine, as a projected perfection that contains only the things we desire and void of all the things we don’t desire.

Take the Christian view of Jesus as the Son of God portrayed in the text ‘In Him was light and no darkness at all’. Here is Jesus as the personification of the polarity of all that is good, right, holy, etc. The idea and feeling-toned-world we are sold with that is that ‘light and dark are at odds with each other, but thank God, we found the light and the light is stronger than the dark, so let’s hitch our wagon to the light and, fingers crossed, we should come out okay, if all goes as planned and promised. Be sure and keep the faith, now, brother’.

Really? Is that the best we could come up with?

So then, a Divine, or a God that is capable of boredom or loneliness definitely doesn’t fit the picture we hold of God. Hell, we’re so busy trying to escape our boredom and loneliness, why would we extol a God who suffers with the very thing we’re trying to escape? We want a God who can fix things, not one to commiserate with, right? It’s like, why would anyone want to hire a depressed life coach?

Or do we?

What if you are already as fixed as fixed can be, on a higher level, and the conscious you who’s living your ‘you’ life on the everyday level is just busy waking up to this fact? What if all the wounding and trauma you endured is all about your own personal and cosmic laboratory and factory of discovering the deeper bliss you already are?

And then if you at root are already this fullness of love, it would make sense that you wished to test this fullness in the trenches of what isn’t this love, or the farthest flung not-love deal you could come up with.

Honey is a great thing with a scoop or two in your drink, but when it is all there is, then you want to escape it. It bores you. You long for and become lonely for an ‘other’ to remove you from your ‘oneliness’ problem. You seek ‘twoliness’. Godhood is inherently lonely and boring, left without duality, and story, and other.

So what if then, what you and I have branded the negative is all contained in a larger container of the positive, and this positive just needed an ever expanding playground to come to know itself, and the way it is doing that is through you and me?

This then means something like you and I, along with all the rest of us ARE God, in the laboratory and factory of coming to terms with this love allness that contains the all.

God isn’t interested in basking in bliss, thank God. God wanted and needed polarity and duality and drama. You came here for a ‘dual enlightenment’, not a non-dual one.

If this is true for you, as it is for me, then it leads us to explore and get to know the parts of us who have suffered in loneliness and boredom. Loneliness and boredom are the two biggest game changers in my life that have pretty much forced my life changes every single time. This is a burden to bear, a load, a suffering, if you will, that we are called to bear. The point in all this is to mitigate this suffering so that you are not suffering over this suffering. It’s one thing to bear loneliness and boredom, it’s another to allow it to live on in you, unchecked, unaddressed, unfelt, unrelated to.

First, we need to recognize where we are, and what we’ve been tasked with. Then we need to embrace the light of the fact that we are light and dark, and both are equally sacred. Then we need to get to know and love these parts of us who have suffered greatly and are in need of this dawning-light-of-day emancipation into our arising heart space.

That should keep us busy for a good bit, huh?  Let’s do that till we tire of it, and then we can see what’s next!

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about Weekly Sessions, Live Streams, Videos, and Community.

Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.