Tag: subpersonalities

Letting Go of My Roots to Experience My Wings

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

roots

 By Leena Colibri

In some ways I feel like I am learning to fly, perhaps really for the first time in my life. I have been releasing what has been encumbering me for years…the roots of so much wounding that begins in different sources, and the roots of many long-held belief systems that have informed all of my life decisions.

Even this morning when trying to meditate I felt in my body a heavy weight. With so much going on in the content of my life this past week, it has been difficult to reach for the air of context at times. Yet the feeling in my body and heart this morning was palpable. It feels to me like another piece of my process with Kathleen…a part of me that holds my birth name and has done life as me until recently. It has been difficult at times to feel anything other than her, which is understandable since I am asking her to let go of so much in a very short window of time. In a way it has been a years-long process of letting go, or at least getting ready to…but there is another level of existence that I want to inhabit in my life now that is more positive and as done with self-punishment as it can be. I am getting ready to let in more love and actually, I am letting in more love every day, despite Kathleen’s filters. There is only so much that can go in when I have defences up in the form of doubts and negative thought patterns about myself.

Over the last few months I have been working intensely on noticing my negative thought patterns. This, in a way, seems like it is Spiritual Kindergarten to do so, but until now I just never felt so driven to go in and notice these patterns the way I am now, despite years of seeking. I feel this has to do with my level of self-love rising and that my desire for more self-love is at the wheel. I feel Kathleen can feel that and is learning how to lean into that more as we live out each moment of our life together. She has so many questions about who she is without these ingrained habits and ways of being. I get that and I hold with her the tension of it. At times it is like birth pains as I hold her hand and she aches with the tremors of letting go. She doesn’t want to run life anymore yet she has an attachment to doing so. This is what I am working on with her now.

When I talk about my roots and letting go of them, what I mean is I am letting go (and helping Kathleen let go) of the ways in which she has been in life. This includes all conditioning from birth family and the culture I grew up in, as well as all of the self-made rules of “how to be”. So much conditioning begins when we are children and a lot of it is subconscious while only a percentage of it is conscious – we learn directly and indirectly through punishments, energetic responses/reactions, rewards, and how our traumas are treated by those with authority over us. It is clear to me that even though my family may not have consciously intended to teach me how to find a flaw in even the brightest day, they still managed over countless instances to ingrain such programming inside me. The culture I grew up in in Canada had its own way of teaching me how to live life and what success meant. Some of these pieces were reiterated by family and others were negated. Pieces like how a woman’s body should look, for instance, has been a painful one for me to process and work through and now I am finally learning how to love my body through changes and not punish myself into losing weight. I am learning quickly that there is always a more self-loving way in which to do things and make positive life changes without having to walk through chaos or self-punishment.

And so my uprooting continues. The swings of feeling good and feeling down or heavy are moving through me as I embrace life in a new way. I am reaching a new stratum of my own sense of spirituality and what it means to be a vessel for love. I am enjoying giving and receiving love in a new way, starting with myself and overflowing to my relationship with the Divine and with those closest to me. I am even enjoying giving and receiving love with people I have met only over Facebook via the SoulFullHeart Circle group that was started about a week or two ago. It is amazing what has moved for Kathleen and I, just to feel my heart open up to let in more love and care that way. I am floored by even my own capacity to give love, let alone receive it.

I am continuing to walk out this new chapter with holding and feeling Kathleen and experiencing my expanding capacity to be with myself and others in this new way. Maybe you will meet me there? 🙂

Leena Colibri is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more.

Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split (Part Two): Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

This is part two of Feeling My Spirit/Matter Split in the Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series. Go here to read part one.

recovering faith

 

By Kathleen Calder

My intention for this writing today is to have you join me in a feeling space around what it means to be “separate”. What comes to you when you think about separation? A recent break-up or completion with a beloved? The day your mother/father/other family member died? The day you left for college or moved out of your childhood home in general?

Each movement and phase of life often involves a death and rebirth cycle that can encompass some sort of separation being necessary. Of course the very first separation we viscerally experience in our lives comes at the very beginning – the moment we emerge from our mother’s womb. The very first tears we cry are often in this moment, feeling the separation from our warm gestation place and mourning the chance to be the closest to our mother that we ever will be. For the first time, we can feel sensations in our bodies of a changing need for our adaptation and therefore survival. We are still dependent, but we have exited from an intense phase of being held by something bigger than us. We now must begin to build our muscle tone, our dexterity, and, beyond the physical, we must also start developing our emotional bodies, for once again we have been born into this dense and often difficult environment which we call life on Earth (as we know it today, anyway).

As each new skill learned and new emotion is discovered and felt for the first time, we start to develop a digestive system within us and a new way of processing data that needs less and less help (ideally) from our caregivers as we go along. With each new chapter of our lives, we let go more and more of (or desperately try to cling to in denial of our need for change) those pieces of our life that once represented who we were and can no longer stay with us as we continue to grow. Like a child constantly outgrowing their clothes, we too are meant to outgrow relationships in which the person can’t or won’t make the choice to come with us or vice versa, and the “clothes” (or, sadly and more commonly, armor) we have tried on in order to reflect, avoid, or defend our emotional realities.

We are meant to gestate over and over again and birth out into a new world just the same. We are meant to have help digesting the “food” others give us to help us grow, both consciously and unconsciously. We are meant to cry out if we feel neglected in any way, or as if there is a lack of love flow in our lives. We are meant to ache out the pain of our separation from the original source of Infinite Love in infinite supply. Only then, in my experience, can we begin to feel that though the fog may feel thick sometimes, we are always connected by a Divine umbilical cord. This is not an ideology. To me, it feels like simple fact. And yes, I and parts of me, are still letting that in.

This, to me, is the core of where our Spirit/Matter split lies. It is certainly the core of mine. I truly feel that my soul has been around and around this world and each time that the original and at times insurmountable feeling of being separate from the Divine must be felt through again with the first breaths of a new life beginning, has been harder and harder. At times parts of me have reacted to this by going so far into Matter that it “matters” more than Spirit possibly could. After all, it is the more relatable place to be in for most human relationships…perhaps because deep in our souls and hearts we are aching out the same pain of the original separation and just want to avoid feeling it as much as we can.

There have also been times in my life where parts of me have tried to lean so far into Spirit that the art of responding to life and at least the Matter that really “matters” got waylaid. This over-leaning into Spirit led me into a sort of constant depression and heaviness inside me as parts of me reluctantly walked through heartbreak, loss, and disappointment, fixating on the pain and not the goodness of life, as if throwing some sort of tantrum and saying, “Look Divine Mom and Dad! Look at how miserable I am! I shouldn’t be here! Take me home, please!”

This sort of stark split isn’t the easiest life theme to work. I am grateful to be awake enough to it that I can feel and begin to understand how my parts formed around it and why they have the reactions they do. There is still some deep pain inside me about living out another life on Earth, especially during this dark time for humanity, but at least now I am equipped to feel it through and ache it out consciously instead of having it play out in the same pattern it has until now. Perhaps it will still need to play out in some ways that are similar to how it has done so in the past, but I can trust that if that comes up, there is something more I need to look at and feel about it.

Spirit and Matter may feel like opposites at times, but really they seem to be meant to work together. We are meant to ground into Matter while opening up to Spirit and engaging in all of this with others in conscious and sacred friendship and community. Sadly, not many of us are raised to feel that both are equally important. We wouldn’t need to be here if Matter didn’t have something to offer the Spirit within and around us.

As I continue to write this, I feel how I am writing in the world of Matter through Matter’s means, while connecting to and channeling Spirit. Spirit can come through because of this conduit of “me”. Right now Spirit is communicating through my heart, my brain, my language of English, the keyboard I am typing with, the computer that is holding and hosting this document, and eventually the World Wide Web where these words will be posted. And this is only one way in which to try and communicate what I am communicating.  There are myriad other ways in which Spirit tries to reach us and show us that Matter is not all there is or all we need. Sometimes that message can only come through severe accidents or diseases or just at the very end of a life…but then again, it also comes to us through orgasm, deep connection with others, deep and prioritized connection with ourselves, and each and every time we find ourselves awed or humbled by nature itself in any form.  There is no difference between any of these experiences, except method and form. Spirit is there. Matter is there also. One cannot be found without the other, just as we ourselves are an embodiment of both.

It feels like Spirit has enjoyed expressing through me today, regardless of how deeply it can actually land its message in you through me. I am but one messenger and one pipeline. And in truth, this sense of a split that needs acknowledge and healing is such a sovereign, personal, and sacred process to be in, that whatever path you are walking right now is your own expression of it. Maybe one day our paths will align, and if they do, I will be there to walk this healing path with you in whatever way we are meant to do so together.

 

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions

 

Introducing “Essencism”: A New Movement Towards Ourselves

Published on by Kasha RosaLeave a comment

 

glowing-heart

 

By Kathleen Calder

I have begun to consider myself an “Essencist”. I don’t think that term exists yet, but I like it. Why? Because it doesn’t already have a role attached to it, an image of the person who may be involved in it, or even necessarily an existing set of beliefs. Well, I guess in a way it does, since I am coming up with it as someone who embraces SoulFullHeart, a healing and consciousness path where we speak of “essence” quite a bit, and yes, we have some specific beliefs we work with. They are fluid though, as life and the Divine always seem to be arising for us anew, depending on the chapter of our lives we are living out individually and as a community. To be an “Essencist”, to me, means that no matter what changes your life brings you, you believe in the power of your essence and you are also constantly in hot pursuit of what you feel it to be in every single moment, letting it be an unending journey of discovery with relentless curiosity.

I feel like I am diving into a chapter of pursuing what the heck my essence could be. I am experiencing the beginnings of what promises to be a deep journey of self-mating – deep, hot, romantic pursuit of the parts of me who have been neglected or put aside until now, and ultimately of my own heart and soul and what it’s made of. Is it difficult for parts of me to imagine that this phase could last a long time and that could mean not pursuing mateship with a man for a long time? Yes. Of course. And I also feel that I wouldn’t want to offer a future mate anything less than what I am already discovering about myself and my truest heart or my essence, nor do I desire a mate who can’t or won’t offer me the same, coming from an overflow of his own self-mateship.

So here we go, with much strength and motivation…but where is my vulnerability around it? Parts of me don’t feel too good about this idea, while it sounds good. It is different than what most other young women and men my age care about doing. So there is a deep loneliness I can feel inside myself too in this moment. Yet I can feel the possibilities of there being others and the chance for deeper relationships with others my age than I have experienced so far. And how could I draw what I really want in relationship if I am not pursuing it and cultivating it inside myself?

Perhaps the essence of being an “essencist” is actually selfishness, then. I selfishly want to focus on myself so that I can selfishly claim the gifts of that journey and the manifestation of that which I have always wanted in my deepest essence. To be an “essencist” means embracing personal other-ness – the fact that you are as unique as you feel yourself to be, whether you have been born with the sex of a woman or a man, or earned the role of accountant, actor, mother, brother, teacher, or priest.

What I want more than anything, as far as I can feel for what I know of my essence thus far, is to know and be known, but not in a superficial way. I feel encouraged to inhabit a new way of being in life where I pursue myself with so much curiosity that it overflows into a deep curiosity about others and puts me in a position where I love others’ essences so fiercely that I will fight for it the way I am beginning to fight for my own. I have already experienced tastes of my capacity for this as I have felt many moments of my capacity to feel others and how it is deepening with every step I take towards feeling myself first.  I am becoming more and more compassionate towards the false while advocating for the real. In a world that very much still tries to revolve around created personas and smokescreens, this is very challenging. This could be why I like the idea of a movement, if you will, that we could call “Essencism” – encouraging all human beings to get back to themselves in a healthy, authentic way, cultivating a relentless overflow of self-love that spills over into every aspect of their lives.

I feel in my essence a spark that keeps glowing, even when the night is at its darkest and all of life seems to parts of me to be conspiring against my/their happiness or comfort. It is something that I really don’t feel I will ever fully come to know, but that’s not as important as it is to keep discovering and getting closer to that answer, even if all I end up with at the end of each day is more data pointing out what it is not. So for now I will continue to try on each and every day and take it for a spin in my proverbial Cadillac, seeking and finding more answers while feeling myself deeply through every challenge and hard-to-feel feeling inside my parts and my heart.

 

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions

A Keynote To Selves: Golden Earth Tales

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

infinitelovegates

(This is Part Twelve of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales.)

(Raphael delivered the following address on Saturday, May 7, 2016)

I would like to begin by thanking each and every one of me for your presence here this afternoon.

I am especially grateful for your curiosity, your desire, along with your hopes and your dreams.

I called this private meeting by specific invitation to each and every one of you as the personalities that make up what is tragically and all too simply referred to as ‘me’, as if ‘you’ didn’t exist. I know we all too often seek to be seen as one, understandably so, given our culture and the cults we are inescapably a part of, but we are in fact a glorious ‘we’ that I seek not only to address today, but desperately also need to get to know.

I know that you as distinct persons live in me as I often experience two or more of you as a tension or a polarity between two choices or energies inside of me. When I am less present to that tension, one of you willingly and sometimes willfully steps in to hold that tension. Here I again see your presence, your reality, your power, and your being. I could go on with example after example of your distinct and separate reality, but that would be in service only of convincing others, not present here today. You, I sense and feel, need little convincing.

I wonder what it is like being a part of me. I wonder what it is like for you when in my partial or full absence, you are left with doing life as me and in my name. What is it like for you to feel the power of my life; the identity of my life; the realized and unrealized dreams and potential of my life? What is ‘my’ life to you? How much of it is a shared reality of yours and ‘mine’, and in what ways? When and why were you born? Who in me did you rule over or submit to, and why?

Though we share one body, one brain, one physical history, and the illusion of being only one, we are in fact many. We are each different. We are each unique. As the Apostle Paul tried to convey in his teaching about the body of Christ when he said ‘Can the hand say to the foot, I have no need of you,’ we must recognize that we are a ‘we’, both separate, distinct and an inseparable oneness at the same time. Both are true. The folly would again be quite plain if when asked, “How are you?” to reply, “I am doing great. My liver has cancer, but I am just great, thanks.” As Paul went on to conclude: ‘When one suffers, all suffer. When one rejoices, all rejoice.’

I would like to not only recognize the fact of our distinct beings, but go on to get to know and feel the distinctions among us. I cannot say that I know you unless I am allowed and afforded a way to feel what you feel, to see what you see, to hear what you hear. I can no longer overlay my view of life onto you and rob you and myself from the sensational pleasure of mutual curiosity.

If one of you is not well, ‘I’ am not well. One of you, or I, may wish to hide another part of me that is in pain for a variety of reasons, as I know too often is the case for most of us ‘humans’. But let us be much clearer here in this private place than we are in the public place; ‘I’ am not well when one of you, one of ‘us’ is in pain, or disconnect, or has a deep unmet need.

All too often, ‘I’ have presented the conclusive “I am fine, thanks,” in response to an inquiry about how I was doing. I was quick to divert the lie by returning the presumptive non-question back to the other ‘person’; “And, how are you?” We have for so long co-signed this co-dependent perception of self as being a single personality that it is truly stunning that any functionality and sanity remains in us. We have even gone so far to as to culturally outlaw the very idea of being more than one with labels such as ‘multiple personality disorder’. I would like to go on record in this meeting, in this place with each of you present, to say that the term we must now accept into our lexicon is in fact ‘single personality disorder.’ The source of so much of our neurosis and the suffering of people is found here in this denial of being.

Before I wax too strong in my convictions and again fall prey to an old focus on others, I must apologize to you, the parts of me that I present as ‘I’. I deeply and profoundly apologize for my complicity in this appearance of being well when I was not. I was wrong. I am sorry. I am sorry for all the pain I caused to each and every one of you in a multitude of ways that it will take some time to fully feel. I wish to end this cycle now. I wish to take all the time it takes to feel it all, even if it extends beyond this life, or to alternative realities of what I’ve thought ‘life’ to be. I want to feel what you feel. I want to experience life from where you experience it. I must also ask each of you to join me in this apology to one another; to accept the end of this façade along with all of its attendant maladies that take away from our true and glorious wellbeing.

Both I and we have lived a long time in a picture of reaching out to others. I and we identified strongly with attaining a picture of being a leader with influence over others. Here, we felt and thought and imagined would be our fulfillment to the full. Others would convey and reflect back to us our worth, our sense of a life well lived. Today, I am inviting each and every one of you to see that the others I sought to help, that I sought to gain the favor of, are in fact not ‘other’, but WE are the ‘they’ we sought to heal and help. The realization of self that we sought to attain inside of a picture of being a healer to others is now dawning on our consciousness as the realization of our selves. There is no other to heal. There are no others in need of healing for me to offer or affect healing to.

Just as Jesus said, ‘I am the door, If anyone enter in by me, he shall find rest,’ so too each of us must find the grace and power to say the same thing of our-selves. Each singular one of us, in this multiplicity of being, is responsive to and responsible for our own healing. We must each own our own healing. Each one of us is responsible for our own conditioning, our own beliefs, and our own relationships to all of life. Each of us must now find the door to our hearts to search our souls deeply to determine what is worthy of remaining and what must be let go of in the sacred domain of our lives.

What we previously imagined to be the good life of being known by others must now be transformed into the much deeper and more glorious good life of knowing our selves. Our sense of meaning and purpose and gift to the world must also now originate and complete inside of our selves. Our fame must spread deep and wide to all the ends of our own kingdom.

How could I have imagined that we could have been of service to others while there was violence to our selves? How could I have dreamed of a world at peace while our own world was not even acknowledged? I want to sacrifice these imaginations and dreams on the sacred and holy altar of this new calling that is here now. I now know however, that unlike I thought in the past, I cannot mandate anything. I have no mandate today.

I have a desire. I have a dream.

In my dream, I awoke. I awoke to the presence and personality of you. In my dream, I was pierced by acute curiosity of who and why and what you were and are, and will become. This dream has overtaken me. I wish to yield every remaining breath and sunrise to this dream.

I surrender my future to us. I will love you in every breath. I will long to get to know you in every joy and in every sorrow.

I long for this day to begin now.

May we enter a new world now,

world without beginning,

world without end,

Amen.

Thank you to each and every one of me.

Raphael Awen hails from SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. You can also track him on twitter via @raphaelawen, or on facebook: ­­­­­­­facebook.com/raphaelawen1. Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. We’d love to receive some of your money!

Creating From Divine Inspiration Rather Than Depression

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

By Jelelle Awen

IMG_3134

As I participate in the creation of the home we are building for Sequoia out of cob (a combination of clay, subsoil, straw and water), as I witness this cabana birthing out of the ground from materials which come exclusively from the ground….I am reminded of the death and rebirth cycle. Creation always brings us closer to the edge of where things begin and eventually where they complete. Immersed as I am in this project right now, I know that some day it will be finished and no longer will it arise anew, responding to contributions of my alchemy, passion, and physical focus. I will have moved on to something else, a new creation will beckon me to make something out of nothing.

Our attention and creativity is meant to wrap around something with focus on the end product while holding reverence for the process. Then, we are able to detach and move on to the next. I find that the more access I have to the part of me or subpersonality that holds my creativity, the more I can navigate and inhabit whatever I am involved in from a place of investment and then detachment.

For many years, my creativity was high jacked by the part of me that holds depression. It seemed that I couldn’t write creatively or work on a creative art project without being in a state of sadness, angst, and melancholy. This depression part of me didn’t feel alive unless she was creating something and yet, she could only be creative by dredging up her pain and using her agony as the primary source of fuel. I stopped publically writing for a few years as I focused on feeling and healing this part of me through journaling with her and being felt by a parts facilitator. This part of me had a complicated relationship with my creativity. She felt that she needed to express this way as means to off gas her pain even though it didn’t actually get felt, only exploited. I believe that a lot of artistic and creative people have a depression part that relates to their creativity in this way which is why so many of them suffer from suicidal depression. Add in another part of us that needs validation and attention from others related to our creativity and it can be a recipe for suffering.

It took me some time to find my writer’s voice again, healed greatly from depression and suffering, and now coming from a new source of Divine inspiration. Creating from this place is about an overflow produced from connection with myself, parts of me, Raphael, others in our community, animals, nature. It comes from an overall sense of joy and goodness about my life. It comes from the feeling of loving and being loved. This love spring has gushed forth eight years worth of blog entries and five books. It turns out that connecting with Divine creative inspiration is also pretty productive.

If someone asked me about how to relate to their creative process, I would offer that we have to feel which part of us is ‘in charge’ of it. As I already mentioned, it can be a depression part which primarily holds it. Or, there can be a very strong identity or persona part related to our creativity with a self image-based claim of being an ‘artist’ or ‘writer’. Or it can be an inner, young child part of us that relates with it like a secret outlet kept hidden away from others because it feels too vulnerable to share. It can be suppressed by a protector or controller part of us to such an extent that we don’t feel like we are creative at all. If creativity is about connecting to Divine inspiration, then also we need to look at the part of us (which we call the Daemon or soul guardian) that opens up access to our soul consciousness and Divine connection. When in Divine thrall or communion, we feel that the act of creating and our creation is ultimately in service of the Divine and in surrender to It as well.

Whether it is building something or writing or painting or making banana bread, creativity can be an expression of our sacred humanity. It can be a glorious testament and honouring of that which transcends reality even as it paints off of the canvas of our ordinary lives. It can honor that which begins and that which inevitably reaches a completion. The Divine doesn’t require masterpieces; only honestly focused expressions of our authentic essence creatively dipping into the waters of Infinite Love in celebration of love and life.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and sessions.

 

Consciousness And ‘Single Personality Disorder’: Golden Earth Tales

Published on by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

infinitelovegates

Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. We’d love to receive your support!

(This is Part Nine of the ongoing blog series: Golden Earth Tales.)

By Raphael Awen

I hope you’ve been enjoying this series and that it has been tweaking your feelings and your awareness on different levels and in different ways.

We’ve covered together how who and what ‘you’ perceive ‘yourself’ to be is but a fraction of who and what you really are as a human being, as a person, as a self. We looked together at how the self, both in its essence and its expression, is something closer to Infinite Love. We may be limited in our use of linguistics to describe this reality, but our ‘Arising Isness,’ as we called it, is powerfully unlimited.

We stretched our consciousness together in the previous eight blogs to get a feeling tone of what we are speaking about. I encourage you to take in each of those prior blogs with an open and desirous heart before taking in this one, as we are going to take this to a new level today that I hope blows your mind.

But first, a little lead-in…

You are awareness. You are consciousness. You are not your body. You are not your emotions. You are not your mind. You have a mind. You have emotions and you have a body. What holds body, mind and emotion in containment is consciousness.

You may be new to this idea that you are an awake and aware consciousness, and you may not readily see yourself as a consciousness. I would say then that you are less conscious of being a consciousness. Your consciousness is not then a big part of your waking awareness. If this is true, then you have more of a ‘density’ and less of a ‘porosity’ in your aware sense of self. This density then is an energetic block or filter to you having deepening and growing self-awareness.

Everything I’ve said so far today I don’t think would be too different from so many spiritual practices that are out there today. I may be using unfamiliar words, but the energy is the same. Even Christianity, as I practiced it for most of my life, was about expanding my sense and experience of self into a place of being ‘filled with the Holy Spirit’ that was meant to color my life. Also imperative in Christianity was holding an identity of ‘who I am in Christ’ as an elevation of consciousness. Daily devotional practice of prayer and meditation in the scripture was intended to induce an inner change of self-awareness.

Buddhism, Hinduism, and Judaism alike all offer something similar in that they want to raise your consciousness to something they deem as some kind of a higher plane. This blog series is no different in that sense. Soulfullheart is also no different in that sense in that it too seeks to raise consciousness to something different from the more common or status quo.

I’d like to make a grand deviation today from this common denominator of all spiritual practice. I’d like to offer you something truly new and different from every spiritual path that I’m aware of. I believe this has the power to truly rock your world in a profound sense.

That is of course, if you’re up for it. Please open your heart, feel your desire, fasten your seatbelt and come with me for a ride. Come fully and then decide what your truth is. Here’s the ride:

All spiritual practice is greatly limited by a self-perception of oneself being a single personality. Of course the ‘you’ that considers itself a single personality is a single personality, but that is because this is in fact only a single part of you doing your life as you. ‘You’ have in effect been hijacked by a part of you and you don’t even know it.

You are in fact a ‘multiple personality’ within a larger conscious awareness. What you call ‘you’ is in fact a whole family of personalities, sharing a body and a mind. I hope this isn’t such a stretch for you to see, because it really feels like a ‘no, duh’ to me.. ‘how could we have missed this huge piece?’

Like any family, there is inside of you a huge range of being what we call functional or dysfunctional depending on the long list of family dynamics at play. Power plays, shutdowns, pleaser roles, etc., with all of these coming from distinct parts or subpersonalities of yourself, to make up what you have just called ‘you’ up till now.

We’ve been told that being a ‘multiple personality’ is a disorder that one needs to seek therapy for. I’m telling you that the true disorder is rather a perception of being a ‘single personality’. The ‘you’ that leads most people’s lives and does everything from their spiritual seeking to their careers and their relationships is only one part of them, or one part of them in a strategic alliance with another part to give it its functionality or dysfunctionality. This is the part of them that is running their life and doing their life. It is primarily a part of you that is reading this series, evaluating it, and deciding if this new idea I’m offering today is for ‘you’ or not.

A part of you may be having a big reaction to my line of reasoning today. I’m writing provocatively to press this part of you and its distinct reaction into your awareness in an attempt to make my point.

Could this really be? Could it be that you are not anywhere close to the integrated being that you imagined yourself to be? If this is true, it really explains so much. It takes huge pressure off of yourself. It also puts a new and healthy pressure on you to discover who you really are.

Up till now, you see, with this perception of yourself being a single personality, there is only this poorly equipped primary part of you holding your ‘you show.’ You are in fact a whole cast of characters seeking to get their needs met and adapting in a host of ways and means inside of you – all the while only under the care of this primary part of you. It’s like a teenager barely old enough and responsible enough to babysit has been charged with doing life.

What I want to impress upon you today is that a profound change occurs when you let in this self-perception that I am offering you. Then it changes again another huge degree when a new and deeper sense of self can arise as a healthy parent to these parts of you. This is nothing less than a tsunami of change to let into your life, and some careful consideration is called for.

If you wish to go on doing your life as you’ve known and perceived yourself to be as a single and unified self, you of course have most of current consciousness to support you in that choice. I personally would not trade what I have discovered in coming to know myself as a tapestry of parts for anything, especially not for alignment with a deeply suffering and struggling collective consciousness.

In this blog series, we’ve looked at ‘you’ as being an individual or an ‘in-divi-dual.’ In that, we saw that a human being is this paradoxical ‘duality that can’t be divided.’ The duality we are talking about is on one hand a ‘singleness’ of being and on the other hand an ‘allness’ of being that can’t be singled out. This whole range of being is like a cosmic projection of the Infinite Love that is the essence of all life – projecting itself onto a screen where you show up as a you. If any of this sounds confusing, that’s because it is confusing! We don’t at the best of times have much of a clue as to what and who we are. We settle for measly roles and identities to make up for this unbearable wonder of being that we are. This blog series has been an attempt so far to expand out your sense of self into the cosmic realities we’ve dove into together.

Where I want to take you in today’s blog is to feel into that who you feel yourself to be in this cosmic sense is very different from who you feel yourself to be in an everyday sense. Embracing the cosmic Nondual, as it is called, into your waking reality is a challenge that most people seeking it become very focused on and dedicated to. I’m saying that the reasons behind your interest (or disinterest), focus and struggle have to do with this entire undiscovered world of you being a tapestry of parts, rather than the single personality that has been running your you show up till now.

There’s this magical and expanded sense of self that extends into and includes no less than all of life and the universe. Then I am offering that the single you, the you that differs from me, is in fact an entire another wild ride of discovery into yourself as being so much more again than you imagined.

So, how does this ride land in you, or part of you rather? Does part of you feel ready to let go of doing your ‘you show’ the way he or she has? Is part of you ready for a new you to show up that hasn’t been around up till now?

‘Part of me’ so enjoyed sharing its passion with you today. ‘I’ enjoyed feeling this part of me express its passion.

I invite you and your parts to read more about parts of yourself, in an article Jelayan and I wrote in an article here.

Raphael Awen hails from SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. You can also track him on twitter via @raphaelawen, or on facebook: ­­­­­­­facebook.com/raphaelawen1. Please visit our Patreon Page if you’d like to support SoulFullHeart Sanctuary. We’d love to receive some of your money!

My Process of Self-Intimacy: Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series

Published on by Kasha Rosa1 Comment

This is the third entry in the Life As An Initiate At SoulFullHeart Sanctuary Blog Series. Go here to read the second one.

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By Kathleen Calder

As intimate as this blog series is becoming already, I feel like I want to invite you in even more. It occurred to me that maybe the writing we share here, though we intend it to be invitational in tone, may make you readers feel like you are only circling around something and not really in it. Well, in a way that’s true, but in many ways it isn’t.

In many ways, we feel you joining in with us during our Sunday group circles, our shared meals, and our daily activities. We want you to be here. It’s up to you to qualify yourself to at least make contact, let alone take the leap to be here with us physically. I want contact. I want you to be known and I want to be known too. I want to experience you…and of course inside me is the ache to be experienced. This is what I want to animate for you in this writing today. So, with that in mind, I intend to invite you in even deeper to my world and deeper into what I call my ‘process’.

It is no joke to ask someone to leave their world or even their known consciousness behind in order to experience and participate in a new one. I’ve needed this invitation extended to me many times throughout these last four years with SoulFullHeart. I haven’t been an active part of this healing work for the full four years and, in fact, have had to take many so-called ‘breaks’ from it. I put quotations there because if SoulFullHeart is in you, it is you, and there is no real break from it or way of shaking it. Parts of me have tried. I guess that’s how you know your soul-calling: when something is inside you, calling you forward, grabbing your attention, even when you think you’re adequately distracted by other things.

There is nothing more powerful than finding your way to your deepest, most sovereign, and heart-centered choice to be a part of something. Part of me has, for many years, only identified with being a ‘black sheep’. There has been an insistence inside me that there is no way for me to truly belong anywhere or with anyone or any particular group of people. Socially this was a struggle for part of me for many years, until the last one or two years when I started to wake up to my genuine uniqueness based on my unfolding soul journey, which helped to reframe any feelings of ‘not being enough’ for others to accept into their social lives.

I have also found myself thinning out the number of people I would like around me at any one time. It’s not about snobbery or snubbing anyone, but about self-care and self protection. For now my circle is small and intimate and that feels safer as far as holding my need to land in others’ hearts in a deep way and be felt. While sometimes part of me can still find some comfort in hiding the real me in a crowd, most of the time being in a large group feels very vulnerable and uncomfortable for my sensitivity level.

I, Kathleen, want to know and be known more intimately, and I get to live into that every moment that I sovereignly choose to. It is a huge process though, to reconcile the desire to hide and the desire to be seen. I feel this could be true for everyone in the world on some level. Needless to say, at times in my process so far the desire to hide has won out and I have had to back away from being consciously in my process. The thing is, the process doesn’t truly stop, ever. You’re in your own process right now, actually, whether you are trying out any of the journaling we suggest or are just reading our writing. Something, even subconsciously, is bound to go in.

Each time parts of me have tried to abandon our process together, chaos has ensued, moving me away from these three people who I have been so intimate with. It has needed to play out that way and it hasn’t really, either. However, my emotional maturity level simply couldn’t allow it to be any other way. I have been through many shifts and changes in my life and all of the major ones have seemed to come on a tornado of chaos and I have felt like I was literally on fire at times! Change, while difficult for most people, has come easily for parts of me who have been very addicted to it. There has been an ease in running away, and what is ‘running away’ from SoulFullHeart but a ‘running away’ from myself? Running from intimacy is something every human being can share stories of, I’m sure, and self-to-self intimacy is really the true fear, I feel, for most of us – myself included.

The saying: “Wherever you go, there you are,” rings so true for me and is what I experience of life. It is what keeps bringing me back to the support that Jelayan, Raphael, and Sequoia offer me as I keep going into myself with less medicating and without avoiding any aspects of my process that are ripe and ready for me to feel into and heal.

Before I began my process of parts work exploration through SoulFullHeart, I was very social and aiming to become an actress. I had graduated theatre school and actually became certified as an Intuitive Coach as well, since I wanted to not only become a well-known performing artist, but a spiritual leader and author. I wanted to show the world I was a healer and to prove something – rather, parts of me did. The idea of maybe one day becoming too sensitive to party often or have one-night-stands was foreign and undesired in some ways. Part of me wanted to be part of the collective, even though she never felt she truly was and in fact was in denial of how badly she really wanted out. No doubt this was a lot to sort through.

Nowadays, I still want to be seen, but the glamour aspect has been giving way to the idea of just being embraced for who I am at my most vulnerable and authentic core of my being. This would have been so hard to say four years ago. This is why SoulFullHeart offers that people who may be interested in this work take it one step at a time. Parts of us have a lot at stake and a lot they have been working to accomplish in our lives. Deconstructing them needs to be a process for the sake of our own sanity. In some ways, you never truly know when this process begins for you, as it just sort of does, and usually it is on a wave of desire for change and doubts that the life you are leading now is truly enough for you, even if these desires and doubts feel subtle at the time.

It feels good to share a bit more about what my process has been like. In the future my goal is to weave in bits of stories from my process and perhaps some more visceral sharing of what it actually feels like to feel a part of you for the first time. I feel this may help any of you who are inching towards contacting us and taking on that first session, to imagine what that experience could be like for you.

If you are curious to know more about what I have shared today or have any questions for me, my email is kathleen.m.calder@gmail.com. I would be happy to hear from you.

Kathleen Calder is an initiate at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and you can read more of her writing here on this blog. Please visit SoulFullHeart Sanctuary for more information about staying with us and virtual sessions.

Into The Wild: Healing Our Industrialized Self To Experience Our Wild Self

Published on by Jelelle AwenLeave a comment

Nature is our partner, not our slave– Gaia’s Garden by Toby Hemenway

By Jelelle Awen

Being here on the ranch has brought into my awareness another part or subpersonality aspect which I am calling our industrialized self. The industrialized self is a false self version of us that has been created from industrial society. It is entitled, disempowered, reliant, and overly medicates with material goods attainment and easy access to life’s essentials and also internet. It is a creation of the modern age. Often it exists in a virtual reality and is non relational. The industrialized self’s message is about shoulds: You should have a nice car. You should have a good paying job. You should have a mortgage. You should invest in the stock market. You should do what everyone else is doing.

On the ranch, we are living off grid and currently camping in tents while the house we are staying in is finished. We have no internet or cell phone service and no city electricity or water. We get our water lines hooked up in a series of water lines to natural springs at the property and we get some electricity from our solar panel. We take dips in the river daily to clean off (even though showers are available) and we handwash our laundry and hang it on a clothes line. Our industrialized self is not used to this sort of living and generally would resist this kind of lifestyle. I have been deconditioning from my industrialized self for a number of years, especially when I moved out of a home and into an RV last year. This part of me that was used to fairly spacious and nice places to live had to get used to the small yet cozy space of the RV. This part of me had to adjust to shared laundry and shower facilities, a very small kitchen with a propane stove and oven, and sharing our ‘front yard’ with many people passing through. But now, this part of me is being challenged even more by the lifestyle we are living.

I feel that with the most likely impending collapse of industrial society, all of our industrialized parts will need to make intense adjustments in lifestyles. In some cases, people won’t be able to survive because they haven’t done enough transition to self sustainablity, especially in the crucial areas of providing themselves with fresh water and growing their own food. I feel it is the industrialized self that resists making these changes in a proactive way and keeps many people in denial.

I feel that the industrialized self heals to more expressions of what we are calling our wild self as it is felt by you, negiotated with, and you begin to make changes toward a more sustainable lifestyle. Negotiating with this part is crucial to be able to proactively make changes prior to collapse. If not negotiated with, it will sabotage your efforts to become self sustainable in some of the following ways: drawing a mate who doesn’t support your desires for self sustainability; becoming economically dependent or sabotaging your money resources related to becoming sustainable; receiving harsh judgments from friends and family about your plans and agreeing with them; learning very much about collapse but not taking action; being in denial about collapse and very resistant to hearing about it. The industrialized self heals to become our wild self.

The wild self is an aspect of our sacred humanity that has been unformed by industrialized society. It is untamed and unconcerned with rules and societal norms. It is connected deeply to our gut instinct, our primal nature. It thrives and comes alive in natural environments, the more natural and wild the setting the better and the more ‘unprepared’ the better. Our wild side naturally connects to all animals and plants. If it must kill, it does it with honor and reverence and gratitude. Our wild side can merge in with nature and become one with it. The wild self arises without personality in response to the environment. I feel it cannot really come alive until you have negotiated with and deconstructed the industrialized self to a large degree. Weekend wilderness trips give a taste of it, but not the full meal. The wild self doesn’t care about the latest and great camping gear or spending lots of money on it or keeping up with friends related to the latest trends. The wild self prefers to experience nature alone or with a deep intimate where talking isn’t even needed. The wild self feels the sacredness of nature, respects the rhythms, leaves no trace of its presence and exists in partnership in nature rather than trying to dominate it. The wild self can take care of all of its basic human needs and also its spiritual and emotional ones. It is naturally in abidement with the Divine in every moment and doesn’t need religion or church or a guru to experience It.

After global collapse of industrial society, it our wild self which will survive and thrive amongst the ruins of city infrastructure, highway systems, obsolete electric grids, declining fossil fuels, and shattered economic and political configurations. Even prior to this collapse, we can experience the healing of our industrialized self and the emergence of our wild side, which allows us to take in more of nature and our surroundings.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Go here to connect with Jelelle on facebook. Visit the SoulFullHeart website  for more information about virtual sessions with her.

Back To Me: Feeling The Emotional Root Cause Of Illness And Injury

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment

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By Christopher Tydeman

In the moment, I am on my back. For the past ten days I have been mostly on my back. At some point I strained a muscle and it has caused much pain in sitting and generally moving around. Except when I am laying on my back. My first response was to determine the origination of the injury from a physical stand point. While there was definitely a physical component, doing a strenuous exercise before I was ready and not having strong core muscles, in SoulFullHeart we ask ourselves what was the larger emotional preursor to the injury. Since the emotional body is connected to the physical body, there is an emotional root cause. Now, I could look at it energetically, in terms of a dis-ease in my first chakra, which is true, and get some relief through some energy work, but that still doesn’t take me to the deeper layer, where if left unfelt, would just come back around again at some point in my life. I have not truly “healed” myself; I just kicked the can down the road.

All the physical and energetic remedies should come secondary to the emotional. Now, if I was in absolute pain, I would self-lovingly find relief, but I would still need, and desire, to feel the emotional root at some point afterward. I have been doing exercises and using cold and hot compresses to aid in my recovery, but I have been offered to feel what the injury brings up for me. What is my back trying to tell me? What part of me needs me to feel it so I can help heal its wounds? What is the greater context to being in this state of incapacitation? If I spent my time taking drugs, watching movies, or trying to solve my “problem”, I am missing out on a sacred gift.

How could back pain be a gift? A part of me would ask the same question. But by asking some questions and being vulnerable, we get to feel a bigger relationship to life. What was happening in my life when the injury occurred? What was I suppressing or resisting? How do I feel about myself in this state? Where do those feelings come from? Are they really mine or do they come from a part of me that has held them? What can I offer this part of me to feel that it has a safe place to express itself? What is my current connection to the Divine and what support and guidance can I let in? These are SoulFullHeart questions. They bring in much more consciousness than what western culture in general would just see as a situation to fix or something to power through.

In my case, before the injury I was feeling a deep tension around this new chapter of my life. I left Canada with my SoulFullHeart family to exodus from the unsustainable culture of the western world and seek sanctuary in Mexico for its climate and ideal growing conditions. It was also a choice to feel myself differently, more authentically, away from the conditioning and comfort zone of that world. Who could I be? Who would I be when all the default toggles and switches didn’t work anymore? This brought an immense control/fear response from a part of me as I engaged in the journey from Canada, crossing borders, driving in a foreign country, trying to communicate with minimal Spanish, not knowing whether our desired destination would work for us or if we would be welcome. There was a sense of just surviving each day for a part of me, holding a need for control and knowing. I did not have much authentic me in the room to feel the joy and the adventure, as well as the fear from this part.

As we eventually found a welcome home at Rancho Amigos, we had to find a temporary home in nearby Tomatlan until the home we are staying at on the ranch is ready. This is where I feel the tension swelled and pooled up in my lower back and created the perfect condition for a part of me to be felt in its fear. It also created the space for me to reconnect to the Divine Mother, which had been lacking for some time. I have needed this time to feel my desire for being in community with those who see and encourage my bigness and gifts, being in connection with the Divine and the context and love that comes with that, and being in relationship to my parts that need to feel me holding them in all they need to be held in.

Being immobile brought me to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, control, burden, and a need to ‘do’ to in order to feel my value and worth. I began to journal with a part of me that had the voice of punishment and judgment. This is a big place for me to go, as it has been a lifelong crucible for me to value my own worth and feel my own power. This is amplified in community when others are having to do a little more to make up for the resting body, and to feel the love with which they do it because you are genuinely cared for. THAT is what ultimately triggers the underlying lack of worth. That is the water that brings up the oil that Kathleen referred to in her last blog.

I am still in dialogue with this part of me. It takes time for them to feel comfortable enough to really feel the depth of the pain that they hold. But it is starting place from which true healing and transmutation can happen. Over time, the voice and energy will soften, transform, and integrate. It will lead me to my true power, in heart and spine. Hmmm. Interesting. This is something I would not have felt if I hadn’t gone into the emotional and spiritual aspect of this injury. That my back represents my growing spine, my inherent self-authorized power and creativity, and my energetic ground to the earth below me. Wow. How cool.

With resting parts, a new wave of creativity has been unearthed in me. A desire to reclaim my heartistry through designing meaningful mandalas for myself, for others, and the Divine. I have felt my authentic desire to be a healer, to claim my place within an intensely beautiful community, and to feel the greater context of what this life has to offer. There will still be moments of uncertainty, doubt, and fear, but through this experience I will have more of me to be able to be with that. This, I’m sure, will be a gift that will keep on giving “back” to myself.

So the next time you find yourself sick or injured, I hope you find some inspiration to ask yourself some bigger questions. Questions that may lead you to take stock of the why and get you on a path to truly healing yourself authentically and consciously. If you wish to know more, visit our website at www.soulfulheart.com to learn about our body consciousness retreat in April that focuses on this type of conscious, integrative healing. It will change the way you relate to your body, heart, and soul. Guaranteed.

Christopher Tydeman is a SoulFullHeart facilitator and healing arts facilitator.

The Me In The We: Feeling Myself Within Community

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment
SoulFullHeart Mandala designed by Christopher Tydeman
SoulFullHeart Mandala designed by Christopher Tydeman

by Christopher Tydeman (now Sequoia Heartman)

Since I can remember, a part of me has generally been a loner. Not in the lonely sense of the word but in the “I enjoy my me time” sense. When I wasn’t playing with friends (yes, I did have them), I was in my room playing with my Star Wars action figures, building with my Legos, or outside climbing trees and acting out loud some dramatic scene of me saving the world. Though I had a few close friends in my life, ones that I spent a lot of time with, I still found myself enjoying my “me” time.

In regards to my family, I can remember liking my space from the volatility of my birth parents. The stresses of everyday life found there way energetically into the house and my room was a respite from that. I remember having close family friends that I spent weekends and summers with. That was my first taste community outside the family unit. As kids, we fought, argued, did the silent treatment, forgot what we were mad about, and then continued on. All within a span of 30 minutes most times. Having fun was way more important. But when I got into my room, I felt like I was home. I could rest and be me.

When I became a teenager, this need for personal space amplified, as it does for most. I had a core group of friends that I partied and hung out with quite often, but, again, I found solace in my room. This time it was with music, television, and art. Staying up until the wee hours drawing album covers for my favorite heavy metal bands. I felt a “me” in my room that no one could touch. When I was “out there”, it was about fitting in, staying away from the assholes, and following the rules. Community was a much bigger and scarier place.

As I entered college, and moved into dormitory life, community felt a bit safer and more real. So many different people coming together with so many different ways of seeing and feeling the world. It was exciting and engaging. I was not feeling the need as much to have my own space, plus it was impossible anyway. During that time, I felt another “me” that I hadn’t experienced before. One that saw life through a bigger lens. My “room” got a whole lot larger. Then, I began to wonder who the hell I really was.

During my time in the dorms, I met my former wife, Jillian, and we became a community of two. We had friends, but it was our relationship that felt more like the room of my youth. Together we explored who we were in the great dance of Life itself. Not long afterward, our daughter made her way to us and community changed once again.

Suddenly, my “me” became a father. I had to became a provider. I stopped exploring and started working. The part of me that felt unsure about being a father, held on tightly to being responsible in the Western-style ethos. I was too tired from work and child raising to feel me anymore. I continued on the path of being a good provider that led me to a “solid” job an elementary school teacher.

As a teacher, you, by default, become a member of “the community”. The neighborhood, the families, the teachers, and students. You are trained to leave your Self at the door. It’s not about you, it’s about them. So for someone who had been not feeling himself for sometime, teaching young children was not going to get me there anytime soon. A good teacher is dedicated to their students. That is the mantra of the Good Teacher Brigade. You also go to concerts, sporting events, meetings, conferences, social events, recess duty, bus duty, field trips, and on and on. Who am I again?

During this time, I was no longer married and was living on my own with my daughter half the time. After a few years of teaching 24/7, I realized that I had ignored that part of me that I used to hang out with in the room of my youth. The care free, happy, creative part of me. I began to be with myself more and do things that I enjoyed like exercise, hiking, and playing guitar. And through that, I began to feel the depth of my unhappiness. I missed Me. The Me that could create a world from scratch. The Me that could stay up all night with a piece of paper and a pencil. The Me that saw beauty, love, and magic in all things. The Me that felt the Great Spirit and wondered about the Great Mystery. Where had I gone?

Enter SoulFullHeart. Jillian, my former wife, had been on a healing path for many years. She offered to help me with this question. It started as an exploration and has evolved into intimate community. Through my process I have been healing my way back to Me. There are a lot of layers, more than I ever imagined. To feel those, there has to be vulnerability or else they can’t move. And that is hard for someone so inclined to be alone. In essence, to be hidden. For a while, it is necessary. I wrote about it in a blog I wrote a couple of years ago. But then there is a graduation to another level of intimacy.

Beginning in March of this year I, along with Kathleen, moved to an RV campground with Jillian and Wayne. This was a new level of community, in that we began to share meals, exercise together, and generally spend more time together and in closer proximity. After coming to the decision to exodus to Mexico, I sold my RV and began to live with them in their camp site. My personal space had gone from a one-bedroom apartment, to an RV, to a tent in 4 months. For a part of me, that tent was my room from years gone by. He felt safe and comfortable just as he had when he was a child.

It is important for me to feel the needs of this part of me. Without doing so, he gets depressed and tense. The feeling is similar to having a hard time breathing. This certainly goes back to more than just this life. I haven’t gotten there yet but there is something soul-based about it. It is more important for me to feel it, than to figure it out right now. Especially, now.

Since we left Canada for Mexico, I have not had much of my own space. This is the most intimate I have been my whole life. We are currently living in a studio-type dwelling, which is more reminiscent of youth hostel than an apartment. We eat, sleep, change, read, write, cook, talk, process all within 750 square feet. We are waiting to get to our sanctuary on the ranch while the home we are staying in is completed, the roads get grated and the river water recedes. Though this is temporary, it is the perfect trigger to highlight my relationship to community and my Self. How do I feel the Me in the We?

I have to feel the needs of my parts alongside the needs of the group. There are times when I have to advocate for my space even if it means not being a part of something that I may be needed or desired to be a part of. That is hard to do when another part of me is a people pleaser. An internal conflict arises. But the more I advocate for that, the less I actually “need” it. There are also times when a part of me will need to be negotiated with because my community, my family, needs me. It won’t always be on its schedule, but I will always find the time. That is what it means to hold a part of you.

This experience has highlighted something that I have forgotten. While my community needs me, my parts need me as well. And sometimes my parts don’t want to be in community, and that’s okay. It actually get me back to Me. Remember? The one in the beginning of this blog. It gets me back to my roots. The reason I am here in the first place.

I am an artist. I want to create art. Art for me, art for others, art for the Divine, art for the earth. I am a healer. I want to heal myself and the earth, and I want to help others heal themselves. I want to use art to do that through sessions. That is the Me in the We. That is my heartsong in the choice. That is what I will continue to wake up for and be a part of in the way of life called SoulFullHeart.

Sequoia Heartman (previously Christopher Tydeman) is an apprentice facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information.