Being With Holiday Anxiety

By Kalayna Colibri

I feel the swirl and frenzy of the holiday season in moments and wonder what it would be like to go to a shopping mall right now and feel everyone more heart-centered, more honest even about who they are buying a Christmas gift for and why. It’s a dizzy dance right now for many souls as parts of each person finds their way into and through anxiety and pain that’s pushed up this time of year and intensified in moments by the pure energies of love coming in that actually want to help you see and heal all of it and be with the reasons why this pain has been there.

Maybe just for a moment today… if you do feel anxiety bubbling up about one thing or another (or even many things at once), find space, even minutes, to be with this energy and listen to it. Journal with it. Hear it, feel it, hold it. This part of you has been quelled and suppressed for a long time and needs you, needs somewhere to land. I feel for this and all parts of you being activated in their pain now. The Divine love streaming in feels you and these parts too. The invitation now and always is to simply be real. Even just with yourself. And feel.

It’s my sense of it that the unconscious buying, giving, and getting and even eating of this season is what leads into more of the same pain cycling through again and again, the same quandaries about love being real or not, the same feeling that this is just ‘normal’ and ‘how it is’ to be in life and in relationship with others without an awakening that this isn’t what’s ultimately true… just what has felt deeply true to the parts of you with this conditioning. You have the opportunity now and always to reach for new ways to be in life and in love, starting with that ever-precious and unfolding relationship within. You are the ‘Christ-child’ being born and reborn within. With so much power, so much lush love, so many new possibilities for being born and reborn into this world that needs your light and bigness.

Much love!

~

It’s in my heart and my beloveds’ hearts to model this new way of being with yourself and to support you in discovering it within too in a long-lasting, empowering and loving way… affordable, 1:1 sessions available now: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

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What Does It Mean to Love ‘Authentically’?

by Kalayna Colibri

The conditioning is deep around what we’ve been taught real love and care is and looks like. It’s challenging to feel it in different ways, to take a deep look at how we’ve related to love and how we’ve been convinced we’re supposed to embody it.

So often what we think of as loving or caring can have more of a negative impact on others than a positive one. False apologies, empty promises, tugging and grabbing at others… these frequencies can be obvious or subtle. And in any case, we aren’t genuinely caring about our impact on others, only what parts of us want and are afraid they won’t get or look like on the outside. I so know this one from my own process too, and learning to see and feel even the subtle ways in which this happens is illuminating and invites you to shift these patterns for good.

I think so often we (or parts of us) are actually terrified to deeply feel what it would be like to be someone else and genuinely feel our impact on them, whether or not we feel we’ve been ‘loving’ toward them.

This is tricky… and hard to feel too. It can be hard to look inward and challenge how we have been holding love and what it means to love another, whether in official ‘service of love’ or in everyday relationships. It’s amazing what it illuminates within though… which is so often an untouched inner reality of how we ourselves, and parts of us, have felt incredibly unworthy of real love, abandoned somehow, and in a void space that has never been filled by genuine self-love and the journey of unfolding that within.

So what does it look and feel like to actually care and love another person?

To me, it feels like giving space for another’s growth without tugging on them to join in on yours. It feels like inviting someone to share with you what they need and want, but not with a commitment from you to make it happen for them. It feels like the overflow of good inner-parenting, of relating to yourself and getting to know your own quirks and shadowy aspects and energies within you as well as your gifts and growth and flowing this energy to another to support their own inner-parenting to grow and blossom too. It feels like being willing to let go even when your heart really doesn’t want to.

It’s a lot to feel into these pieces and truth be told, I’m not sure any of us can truly master this skill of loving another in the purest way… we and parts of us all have understandable investments in relationships of all kinds and hopes that they will last too. We all have desires and dreams and don’t really ever want to feel lonely (though really landing in the loneliness has so many gifts too)… we all have what we want to experience from others and in our lives in general. Yet love asks us to trust… to invest in the process yet divest of the outcome. To feel what we want most and understand that it won’t always come to us in ways we can control.

Above all, love wants us to remember that it is never against us or anybody else, though it can feel that way at times. It only ever wants us to experience more of it within so that we can share it with others. This flow of love is really all the ‘service of love’ is anyways, though it can be dressed up in many ways and be given many labels and is not always easy to truly embody for ourselves, let alone others.

Much love to you as you continue to experience your own journey into more and more REAL love, and the path of learning to embody love in the most authentic way possible. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Real Love As Impassioned Advocacy

Sometimes Real Love can feel like a bully.

Real love presses and invites with compassionate passion. It wants more of Itself to shine and be shown. When it feels that it is being hidden away, defended, or downplayed, Love goes for the cracks. The places that it can sneak under to find more of Itself to heal and flourish.

To the part of us that takes a defensive stance to being “infiltrated” in the name of self-preservation, it is just wanting what is known to stay in stasis because it is all it has ever known…even if this is suffering or crisis. So if love is advocating for itself, which lies on the other side of those walls, then Love would feel like a bully to this defended part of us.

This can only feel true if there is a bully inside that provokes that response. An experience of being punished or persecuted, either this life or others, creates a knee-jerk protective stance toward anything that feels encroaching our inner sanctum of vulnerability.

“Tough love” comes to mind when I ponder this more. Tough love has an edge to it that can be a punishing part of one person that is using this term as an excuse to off-gas abusive energy. There may be a true loving intention, but this energy can be tainted with some toxicity. If there is an experience of this within a spiritual or psychological framework, a part of you most certainly can have some reaction to when Real Love is being offered.

What is the difference? It comes down to feeling our own inner bully dynamic and how that may be being projected out and even drawing these situations. It is also about being vulnerable with the feeling of being bullied that draws out this inner energy. There is a sorting out that takes place to parcel out what is “tough” and what is “real”. Real love can be intense and may be tough to a part of us, but it is never toxic or rough. It does not pry or demand, but invites and passionately advocates.

In any authentic and safe healing space, the healer must also be in tune with their own emotional and spiritual bodies and be willing to feel and see their own “stuff” that may be a part of any advocacy or difficult love offering. This allows the protective part of the one receiving healing and guidance to feel safe and open.

This is why those of us in SoulFullHeart are always asking ourselves, and each other if where we are coming from has tinges of an energy that may feel “off” so that we can feel how that may be affecting our facilitation. As a community, it is a system of checks and balances that is about our own personal growth as well as our commitment to the most authentic healing modality out there.

If you have experienced this wound of toxic love, my heart goes out to you. I am sorry that happened. I want to invite that part of you to experience something different and possible. Something genuine and real. Something that leads you to experience a new relationship to the pain and trauma, with transparency, honesty, and heart-open advocacy.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Mirrors Of Real Love

In any true healing modality that leads to deep conscious transformation, there is a mirror that we inevitably need to face. It may be the Mirror of Validation and Being Seen. This one can feel really good to all the parts of that have yet to get that fully from within. From Self to self. It can also be really triggering as other parts may feel a little distrustful and doubtful of the goodness that is being bestowed as a defense to trauma and a lack of memorable experience in the True Love department.

There is another reflection, too, that is brought by the Mirror of Shadow. The one that parts have ‘unconsciously’ and strategically avoided due to there uncomfortable and unsightly nature. These reflections are just as hard to receive as they are to give. It is a growth edge for the recipient and the reflector, yet in this exchange is the well of Real Love. This can trigger some deep defensive reactions as we are being confronted with something parts of us have been blinded to for a very good reason. Even if the mirror is held in Love, we still may want to shatter it just so we can say we never saw it.

I have been given many mirrors in my process that have been difficult to let in. Even just recently in regards to the state of my previous living situation. There were places that were not kept up, maintained, and not fully cared for. There was a lack of reverence and respect of ‘self’ and ‘other’ from within me. It was not fully seen until the blind spot of defense was pierced through. This was a deep reflection of a fusion to parts of me that did not feel worthy of goodness and leadership, even as I am awash in both to the gills! This is how what we call our ’leading edge’ can illuminate what lies in our ‘trailing edge’. Where there is light, there is shadow.

I feel the vulnerability of this inside me. Of outing a personal process that has an effect on perception, yet it is this very outing that feels to be the root of the very thing that I am a part of leading. To truly lead, we must be willing to see and feel that which is not in the ‘lead of the ship’. Those things that we have still hidden in the hull and can weigh us down until brought out into the openness of the deck. To be fully loved and understood so that we can continue to arise into new territory within our own being that can shine a light to others.

This is the beauty and sometimes hard part of real love. The kind that doesn’t let the hidden and stuck places stay that way because others won’t let themselves stay stuck; who want and need the reflections as well for their own growth. That is catalytic healing and quantum service of love. This is the true ground of ascension when we are able to stare into the dark just as much as we love to stare into the light. I am grateful to be a part of it with those that care enough to keep it real with love.

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Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Transmuting The Fear-Based ‘Love’ Lens Of Modern Spirituality, Starting Within

by Kalayna Colibri

love transmutation

It’s becoming more apparent than ever, how ‘love’ has been offered in very many different spiritual healing modalities and practices, and yet not lived into deeply by those who are teaching about it. What becomes very intense to feel, is the way in which love is often mixed in with intense amounts of fear and non-vulnerable responses to others and especially to the self. Words like ‘unconditional love’ are offered, yet often coupled with energies of shaming, criticism, and judgment, subtle or not. Judgment and punishing energies come from parts of us that need our love and attention and their intensity is often off-gassed, put onto others without a sense of personal accountability or consciousness. Judgment, in and of itself, is not ‘bad’ and, in fact, has been a necessary thing when it comes to moving through 3D life, and with work, it can heal to healthy discernment and a letting in of deep compassion. The primary energy though with which we tend to hold judgments is another thing entirely and is typically an expression of a need for more time within you. Healthy discernment and expressions of intuition come from many years of working with Inner Punishers/Judgers, which is a powerful way to find your authentic sense of compassion and Love too, starting, always, from you to you. Until these frequencies are given space to heal within, they actually can run through every area of our lives, dulling our sense of wonder at ourselves let alone others, and taming our reality of and access to higher frequencies of Love.

It has been really coming to light lately, that heavy-handed judgments from healers who are supposed to be offering deep healing to others are actually the norm. There are judgments and invasive read-outs being offered that are disguised as ‘love’ and assumed to BE ‘love’ by those receiving. There have also been SO many fear-based messages given without consciousness and often touted as channellings. Indeed, what we have learned is ‘love’ and have felt to BE ‘love’ so often misses the mark and is actually based in immense fear…. understandably so in some ways, given how harsh and challenging 3D reality has been, yet this reality is being invited to shift in every moment of our ever-expanding consciousness and our ever-opening and healing Sacred Human hearts.

Perhaps this is one of the main sources of pain in all of our bodies, physical, emotional, etc. right now during this phase of Ascension… we need to clear ourselves of the false love we have taken in from so many, so we can re-calibrate and learn what real Love IS… and that the only source of ‘unconditional love’ we can rely on is inside of us and with the Divine. It IS possible to experience deep love in ALL relationships outside of ourselves and in fact, we need to hold out for it, settle for nothing less than it, and we also need to let go of the label or expectation of it ever being ‘unconditonal’ when coming from another. We can recognize each other as expressions of Infinite Love and feel Love and authentic compassion for each other based on this picture, yet this can only really happen if we can feel this inside ourselves first in all ways and in all parts of us too.

The Love we are truly made of and deeply wanting more of, consciously or unconsciously, is right here, waiting for those moments of entry into us. The more we choose to express Love within ourselves, including being with parts of us that need us and Metasoul Aspects too, but also including the food we eat, the ways in which we treat our bodies, the meditation practices we sit in, and the relationships we have and inhabit. There is so much that Love, in all of its many shapes, colours, and textures, wants to come into you and show Itself for what it really is and how it really feels when it is truly, authentically, REALly there inside and beside you… ❤


If you are ready to begin or continue the process of going deeper into your own Love overflow that offers you a real sense of PURE Love starting within, you can have a look at: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sfhprocess and feel into having a free 30min intro session with one of my beloveds or myself. We would love to support you on your journey and the nourishment of doing so, so goes both ways! ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Illumination And Disclosure Through Crisis And Chaos

by Kalayna Colibri

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Disclosure is happening on all sides and inside too… the thing with crisis is that we have needed it. We have needed it in order to illuminate what’s been happening inside of us and also in our relationships and the people around us. There is nothing like a death in the family, for example, to bring to light the true colours of parts within each family member – how you respond to each and every event in your life, is a chance to look into a mirror, no matter how extreme or intense the event is. What parts of you would rather pave over, pretend isn’t there STILL, even though it is staring you in your very eyes, is a choice that often leads to more drama, more crisis, more chaos. It’s not about going down the road of self-punishment, either… so many do this, often without realizing this is what’s happening on some level of their being. Often this inner response is so ingrained that it just feels normal.

This response is what spills over into a lack of genuine compassion for others who are walking out the crisis too. This response is what keeps you from feeling others AND yourself in a deeper way.

Whether you feel you are a lightworker or not, there is so much to let in around what real compassion looks and feels like. Anything that is dismissed as ONLY ‘victim mentality’ or ONLY anything else, is a black and white conclusion that does not serve love in the way your most genuine heart intends to. Others are suffering and their parts need to be felt inside of the pain before they can heal the victim within. Spill-over of self-punishment and criticism frequencies is something very powerful to watch and feel for, happening in the wildfire raging within, coming from parts that feel the crisis environment and aren’t sure how to be with it…

There is so much to be discovered within, within, withIN… there has been so much need for drama and crisis as more disclosure takes place and there will likely need to be some more because the light it casts into the darkness is the most powerful gift we could be given during these times. It does feel like eventually we won’t need this chaos anymore, and indeed we will draw it less individually if the chaos is felt and heard and healed within… one felt step at a time. 

 


To have space held in love WITH you, is an essentially part of going inward, feeling personal disclosure, and digesting the experience with a heart-open other. We offer free 30min intro sessions and hold them with the intention of helping you go where you cannot go on your own and without direct support from someone who has been there. Visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions for more information. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

What Love Wants

67

 

I want you to feel free my beloved

Free to be real, to be vulnerable, to be open

Free to be cautious, uncertain, and afraid

I want you to be able to let in more, not less

To let in that you are desire and desired

That you are alive and living

That you are right and not wrong

I want you to remember your value and worth

Your beauty and sensuality

Your capacity and ability

I want you to trust that you ARE lovedust

That it cannot be taken from you

Only hidden and buried

I want you to know that I know it is hard

That true and pure love can burn and hurt

That it can pierce and collapse

All you thought I was, but turned out I wasn’t

I remember how you never got what you needed

What you wanted

What mattered the most

And I remember how you needed that to remember

What you truly are

I am not going anywhere

For no matter where you go

What you do

I…will…be…there

Always

Fovever

Patient

Persistent

 

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

The Humility Of Really Feeling Our Emotions: Indigo, Crystal And Rainbow Souls Blog Series

by Kalayna Colibri

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There’s a certain amount of sanctity and sanity we preserve by NOT feeling, at least until the layers on top of our true feelings begin to give way and dissolve because of pressing life circumstances and swelling emotional reactions – THEN it can become insane-feeling, as chaos is created outside of us, pushing these feelings up even more as they call out for our attention. This is true for ANY soul ANYwhere. The piece here for Indigos, Crystals and Rainbows is much the same as for any awakening soul and heart – NOT feeling how we really feel becomes the much crazier choice than actually letting ourselves in. Yet too, there is something here that may be time-bomb-baked inside of us when we are in these soul groups, alerting us to this need for changes INSIDE of us at a much younger age because we are here to do so much work as leaders and healers.

I don’t hold any elitist sort of feeling around claiming I’m an Indigo. I actually feel it kind of lightly. For me it feels like a bridge and also a helpful explanation as to why I care so much about my growth and living into my soul purpose when I’m only just turning 30 this year. I became a “seeker” at age 14, which led me to a desire to serve others and feel my capacity to do so. However, this came in with some shadow pieces like arrogance and self-righteousness too and even in my already-cultivated self-awareness, I still wasn’t quite touching these and others, like entitlement, and narcissism, to name a few. This has been a part of the soul package I came wrapped in and some big things to work this life. I signed up for SoulFullHeart at age 24 because I wanted to work these things… taking breaks between then and now so that I could humbly go into life without consciously holding a process from time to time, which only illuminated more for me in the end. Once you sign up for the bullet train of deep healing, there really is no going back, try as parts of you might… 🙂

It took many reflections, some very hard to take in, for me to truly feel humbled, or rather, for parts of me to truly feel humbled and really start to feel what was really going on for them. There are soul wounds and also this-life, human wounds to feel too. These words of “arrogant”, “entitled” and “narcissistic” did NOT go in easily and there has been a lot of pain in even having to see myself in this light. What has been harder is feeling how  TRUE these words have been for parts of me who haven’t been challenged on their ways of being in life before! Until meeting Raphael and Jelelle Awen, I hadn’t had a single relationship with another teacher, healer, parent or friend who could bring these pieces to me and if they did, it wasn’t with love and compassion, but judgement from the parts of them who are the same way. I can’t explain to you the difference between these two experiences. It’s really something to feel for yourself. ❤

Feeling our shadow and what’s underneath it is an important aspect of the process of going within. What has appeared to be “in shadow” inside of us is actually a whole lot of pain that wants to surface and be healed. There are immense gifts on the other side of all tears shed when feeling our shame, hurt and even rage. As our layers of inner and outer protection melt away because we are finally safe enough to really feel ourselves and our parts, we feel these movements and realizations come to us with fluidity on waves of love that come from outside and inside of us too. It is a humbling process, to unravel deeper and deeper knots and layers protecting the precious yet strong vulnerability of the Sacred Human seed inside… the seed that is meant to grow, flourish and serve love to so many others!

Parts of me have needed to be how they’ve been – there is so much to push away from in our cultures and birth family conditioning and understandably, there is also a lot to protect ourselves from…until there isn’t, that is. Being emotional is still not a fully-embraced thing inside of many, though arguably it’s becoming more and more so as more of us awaken and can no longer deny how we really feel about anything or anyone, dark or light, or while in chaos or stillness or somewhere in between. During this ascension process, this is all being pushed up as light codes and astral influences constantly invite us to really SEE and FEEL ourselves in a much deeper way, illuminating the places where we still need healing and more authentic love flow. If you sign-for some help with this from SoulFullHeart, everywhere you need to go with become illuminated and we get how hard this can be to feel through. It is a deep healing practice and while there is so much joy, there is also much sobriety as the transformation it offers you really does start within and flow outward to every other area of your life.

Indigos, Crystals, Rainbows and the like are at an advantage age-wise and also soul-wise. We signed up to wake up early and to draw to us the paths that would help with that. Becoming more and more humbled to where our paths are taking us and that we DON’T truly know ourselves in earnest until we’ve really felt our shadows be challenged by someone holding up a mirror with LOVE behind it, is so important if not critical if we are really here to help awaken and lead others. We must first awaken to OURSELVES, let alone ascension, let alone Gaia, star beings, or anything spiritual. The heart truly is where the journey deeply begins and where all legs of it ultimately return to. And there is no other path quite like the one that really embraces and supports an ongoing exploration of our inner worlds, without an “end” place where you can declare ourselves fully-healed, and with plenty of juice for the journey inward and upward. ❤

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, writer, and poetess. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.