Category: By Jelelle Awen

Chakra Activation, Cleaning, and Protection Meditation

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chakrabody

By Jelelle Awen

This is a video of Jelelle Awen’s guided meditation for cleaning, protecting, and activating your chakras.

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Chakras are energy centers, points of flow, in our etheric bodies. They are alive, have a consciousness, and can even be dialogued with. I have most extensively worked with seven chakra centers in my energy healing work with myself and serving others over the years. There is a lot of information available online about chakras, what they represent, and where they are located, so I will focus on sharing the daily meditation that I engage with to activate, clean, and protect them.

As with all meditation, find a comfortable place to sit and practice deep breathing for as long as it takes for you to feel centered with your mind (somewhat) quiet (usually 5 to 10 minutes).

Ask for the help of whatever Ethereal being you are connecting with in the moment or would like to connect with. Right now, I am working primarily with my ‘healing angel’ named Coral. A healing angel provides healing frequencies for both self healing and in serving others. They are at a slightly lower frequency and dimension than our guardian angels and, therefore, easier to access and connect with. According to Coral, every one of us has a healing angel and we subconsciously connect with them during moments of injury or in serving others. Our connection with them only becomes conscious if we ask for it to be so.

Calling on Ethereal beings is as simple as feeling your desire for it and then asking to connect with them. Meeting them halfway by raising your body vibrational frequency (through meditations such as the white staircase mentioned below) increases the degree that you will experience them. You can feel in your heart’s response if the Ethereal being you are speaking with is connected to the light and has a love-based connection to offer to you.

Engage with the white energy staircase meditation to raise your body’s vibrational frequency before engaging with your chakras. It seems to help with the process of visualization and with energy flow. As you connect with the Ethereal being that is going to help you, climb the stairs slowly on the inhale and rest on the exhale. The usual place that I get off is the platform at stair 111, as it holds a strong vibrational energy. Visualize white energy around you as you sit down and begin to imagine your chakras. I have been offered by Kuan Yin to visualize each chakra as a lotus flower, imagining when I first see them that they are closed up and then I see each petal opening and unfolding wide.

You can imagine any kind of flower that you resonate with or just a whirling circle of energy. This activates the chakras and if you haven’t done chakra work before, you may feel a sudden surge of energy in your body as the flower/chakra opens up more. Move up your body starting with the first or root chakra, imagining the color that they are (as represented in the above picture), and then through to your seventh or crown chakra visualizing all of the flowers opening up.

Then, visualize a flow of white energy entering the top of your head and moving down your spine, showering each of your chakra lotus flowers with white light. Chakras can have many layers of congestion over them and you may need to focus just on this meditation for a while to get them open and clean with good energy flowing through them. The congestion will look gray or even black with sometimes pockets or balloons of this dark energy surrounding the chakra or trailing off of it. Allow the white energy to sweep up and cleanse the dark energy in a swirl. Then move it out of your root chakra or visualize a grounding cord connected to the earth for which the energy is swept out of. You want to make sure to move the congested energy that has been loosened out of your etheric body, either into the ground or up into space. Read about a meditation to clean, protect, and activate your chakras and also a video that I have offering a guided chakra meditation.

You may also encounter objects in your etheric body or surrounding your chakras. I have seen and felt many objects in myself and others, such as corsets, suits of armor, arrows, Christian crosses, crowns of thorns, etc. These objects take on a symbolic form for us to interpret and feel and are often related to past life traumas that our soul is holding on to. If you find an object, see if you can get a sense about why it is there and what it represents. You can then negotiate with your healing angel around if and when you should remove it using more white energy and for guidance around why it is there. Holding a quartz crystal in your hand while meditating can help with this process.

After devoting your meditation to activating and cleaning your chakras, you can then create a protection around them to help prevent negative energies from coming in. This is especially important during the first weeks of your dedicated practice when you are ‘opening up’ to new vibrational frequencies and will become much more energetically sensitive. To protect your etheric body, visualize a wrapping made of white energy forming to fit your entire body. You can picture a suit of armor or any other kind of ‘outfit’ that works for you. Bring in strong white energy through your crown chakra (or top of your head) and infuse the outfit with it. Ask your healing angel to help make it ‘the strongest material in the universe.’

Regular chakra activation, cleaning, and protection is very important to physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Engaging in a daily meditation to undergo this process will raise your frequency to a higher, more love-based one and clear out dark energies that will eventually led to physical illness and emotional suffering patterns. This kind of regular chakra love along with a heart work healing process brings vitality and health in all areas of our lives.

* These meditations have been inspired by the book World Of Archangels by Sufian Chaudhary

Jelelle Awen is a co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit the SoulFullHeart website for more information about virtual sessions with her.

 

Meeting In The Middle- White Energy Staircase Meditation: Meditations With Kuan Yin Series

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escalera-al-cielo

By Jelelle Awen

I am walking up the stairs, visualizing pure, white light all around me. I feel a lightening up in my body as I ascend up the stairs with every inhale and rest on the exhale. I count out each step as a means to keep my mind active while I start to feel a sense of pulling from my crown or seventh chakra. I climb as high as my body will go until I feel resistance. I see a door to my right and I walk through it to enter a large, open space with an extended platform.

In my physical body, I feel as if my torso is elongated and stretching out with my two hands (which are resting in a mudra on my crossed legs) seeming to be quite far away from my head. It is a unique feeling and I am enjoying it, already feeling how it could be a simple thing to travel out of my body following this method.

I begin to feel love and desire flood through me as I repeat over and over a call for Kuan Yin to come be with me if it is the will of the Divine. I exclaim, “I AM God,” feeling a shiver of recognition move through my body of my expression as a fragment of the Divine source. I see the outline of Kuan Yin start to appear before me, framed in a brilliant white light. She is so radiant that I squint my eyes, even though my ‘physical eyes’ are closed.

We don’t exchange words at first, but just bask in our communion with each other. I am in awe, I am in love, I am grateful just to be near Her.

The only thing She says to me is what She has offered me in a previous meditations, “I am you and you are me.” I take this in as the love, gratitude and awe that I am projecting onto Her also lives inside of me.

This simple meditation in which you climb a staircase to access higher dimensional realities while asking for connection with ethereal Beings is offered in a very expansive and transformational book called World Of Archangels by Sufian Chaudhary.

Explains Sufian in his book, “The human body has a very low vibration in order to maintain its physicality. The higher in vibration you manage to achieve, the more you will perceive yourself as a powerful energetic source rather than something limited to the physical world….the most effective communication with ethereal Beings takes place when both parties alter their vibratory level in order to meet each other on middle ground.”

I have been connecting with ethereal Beings such as spirit guides, angels, and ascended masters for several years, yet I can feel a difference now in the purity and intensity of the connection that can be experienced after engaging in the staircase meditation and ‘meeting’ these Beings in a middle point. Such a simple meditation and, yet, one offering seemingly limitless possibilities of experience!

 Note: This blog is part of a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

Jelelle Awen is a SoulFullHeart facilitator and co-creator. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the SoulFullHeart Sanctuary and sessions to begin your SoulFullHeart awakening process.

Becoming The Birdsong: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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Kuan-Yin-and-Bird

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

Sunrise here at the Sanctuary in rural Mexico brings an orchestra of bird calls. It starts with the crooning of the rooster at the first hint of the new day and sometimes as early as four o’clock in the morning. The rooster says, “Get up! Get up! A new day! A new day!” This is the first time in my life that I have been woken up not by an alarm clock, but by an animal bred for this function. It is mostly wonderful.

The birdsong then escalates as dawn approaches, so many different kinds of chatters and trills that it seems impossible to identify them all. It is a flurry of noise and, while ‘silent’ from industrial sounds such as motors and engines, it is by no means quiet here at the Sanctuary in the early morning.

This is the time that I feel most open to meditation and connection to altered states of consciousness. I have learned to mostly ‘block out’ nature’s sounds and it becomes background music while my process takes center stage. More about the birdsong in a moment…

This morning, I am floating in “Ma Om….” mantra, seeing if my mind can let go and rest in longer stretches without actually thinking about something every few seconds. But, then it is my mind that is tracking if it can go without thinking! Sigh.

As I open to Ma Om, my two quartz crystals I am holding in my hands become burning hot with energy moving through me. Kuan Yin is more of a blur today, less solid, and more an energetic presence. I can feel Her energy but I am struggling to feel my love and adoration for Her this morning. Usually it flows through quite freely and sometimes I can even let in Her reciprocating love for me. Something is blocking my letting in capacity and I suspect it has to do with letting in love on my birthday a couple of days ago.

Then, I am suddenly engaged in an etheric conversation with Padma – who feels like a past life aspect of mine who lives(d) in India in the year 1930. Padma has been recognized as ‘born with strong Atman (internal Godhead) with a strong connection to Brahman-God.’ She tells me that she left her family at six years old to go with her Master, Nomanji, to live in his ashram and become a great yogi and saint. This is considered a great honor, but I feel her loneliness.

She is now 18 years old and can’t remember what it is like to be a ‘normal’ person. “All I do is meditate and sleep,” she tells me. I ask her if this makes her unhappy.

“If I think of what I am missing…if I think of myself as a self, then I can get sad. But, there is no ‘I’ there,” she responds.

I tell her that I want to help her feel her sadness. Immediately she admits to me that she would like to leave her Master, who is not cruel to her, but she does feel that she has outgrown him. She would like to start her own ashram and she says that there are those who want to be her devotees. I agree to support her emotional process (which she has suppressed and transcended) if she helps me with opening out my consciousness to transcendent frequencies and to liberate my mind more fully.

After we make an agreement, I feel her energy leave my presence and I am alone again with “Ma Om.” I feel more open in my heart chakra now that Padma’s sadness has moved out. This is when I become aware of the birdsong around me, which seems to have just increased suddenly in volume.

There is one particular bird that is singing at a length and volume that seems to penetrate my field.

Kuan Yin offers for me to, “Follow the birdsong,” so I do, turning my attention to it.

At first, I am just listening to the chatter back and forth of this bird and one of its kind in another tree. Then, I feel rumbles of energy move through me with each refrain from the birds. It feels like their song is inside of me. It is a jerky thing because I’m not sure if I like it at first.

Eventually I surrender to it and then I am in flight with every tweet, in motion with every twitter. It is a liberating sensation.

I try not to interpret if there is a message from the birdsong, even though I can feel how they are communicating one to me. I can feel how Kuan Yin is communicating to me through birds, which seem to be one of her favorite creatures to use as a communication medium. This is fortuitous since I happen to live on what is essentially a bird sanctuary, with some very rare and endangered species of birds here.

I just am the birdsong and I feel Kuan Yin’s encouragement. I am reminded of Her showing me a lotus and offering that it knew more about who and what it was because it didn’t know and was just arising isness. Becoming the birdsong offers the same kind of not knowing and being in isness.

The song tapers off at some point and my attention moves back to me and the start of my day here at the Sanctuary

For a few hours afterwards, as I am watering and tending to the gardens, I feel a lightness in my mind and a sense of suspended moments without mental tracking…..what I call, ‘loosened brain.’

And, I am more aware of the birdsong around me and its offering of communion, lightness, and freedom.

Jelelle Awen is a co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life  for more information . You can read her tweets here and become her friend or follow her on facebook.

You Have A Body, You Are Not Your Body: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

By Jelelle Awen

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

I have taken a certain pride in being embodied and ‘grounded’ in my body. My weight has been at a healthy place for a few years now and regular physical activity is just part of my lifestyle living off-grid Shovelling, weeding, watering, cob building…it all lends itself to being in the body. I also experience great pleasure from making love with my mate Raphael, which is grounded in our bodies, connected in our hearts, and expanding more and more into our souls.

So, I haven’t been interested in being ‘out of the body’….until recently I have been. Well, what I am more interested in is a balance where I can be healthfully and vibrantly be in my body and also deepen my experience of out of body realities such as astral travel, Samadhi and other enlightened states, kundalini energies, etc. I do believe a balance can be made and that’s what it feels like some people are seeking through the Hatha yoga path.

Physical ailments usually accompany my major spiritual or emotional movements as toxicity moves out, as Kathleen also talks about in her blog. I take note when this happens because I rarely get sick and have never broken a bone or had any kind of major injury or illness. So, the physical issues I do have are small and move quickly, but they can often be connected to my process.

As I am meditating with Kuan Yin today, I am feeling a particular ailment in my body that is minor but still irritating me. As I start with the “Ma Om” mantra (described here), Kuan Yin can feel my attention and focus moving to my body.

“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologize. “I’m getting distracted by discomfort in my body.”

“You have a body. You are not your body,” is Her immediate response.

Ok, I take that in and let it be a kind of repeated mantra.

I have a body. I am not my body.

Eventually, I have to ask her to clarify what She means.

“Your mind thinks that you are your body. It thinks you are a body shell and it fuses to that reality. This is very limiting. You are not your body. And, you are not your mind either.”

“Then, what am I?”

She seems to light up then. “Now THAT is an interesting question. Also, interesting is the question: Who am I?”

“Yes, what and who am I, then?”

The image of a lotus flower blooms in front of me. I can feel immediately that She has sent it to me. I take its beauty in.

“This flower knows more of its essence than you do because it doesn’t know anything. It just is,” She replies.

I meditate on this and feel how right she is. I have spent over ten years in a pretty radical and intense self healing path that has led to the diving into the depths of my previously subconscious emotional and soul wounding. I have been asking the question, “Which part of me is feeling this?” in a dedicated way over the last decade. I have been through a series of subpersonalities over the years and through this incredibly effective process which allows for separation and objectivity from reactions through feeling them deeply, I have had more and more experience of the authentic expression of my being. What you can experience of your authentic being that is since it is very difficult to pinpoint as it isn’t related to a role or self image. But, I can feel how even what I have attached to as my ‘authentic self’ or ‘higher self’ still has a dualistic filter around it.

“I just am,” I respond, trying it on to see how it feels.

“It’s ok you do so much defining and sorting of yourself, J bird. You’ve needed to do it and it was good. You are in a new phase now where you want to dissolve the “I” more so you can experience reality without separation.”

I feel a slight wave of panic come over me at the thought of ‘dissolving’ myself, especially as I have spent so much work and energy to uncover my seemingly most authentic expression! My previous spiritual teacher used to say about the ego maturation process that happens through parts work and then the ego obliteration process that happens in sagehood practice is like having a Maserati sports car that you work very hard to get and then proceed to drive it off a cliff!

Kuan Yin feels this hesitation in me and a wave of compassion from her washes over me.

“Your mind resists this. Your body resists it too. Even your ‘authentic self’, as you say, resists it. But that’s OK because you still are what you are and aren’t what you aren’t,” She says, smiling.

“Buddha taught that it is our sense of ‘I’ and our sense of separation that causes suffering. I have healed a lot of my suffering through the path I’ve been on but I am still curious about deepening what I have experienced beyond the mind and beyond the body. And, I guess, even beyond the ‘I’.”

“Who is saying that?”

I reflect for a moment. I immediately want to go to my usual mode of scanning for a part of myself that might be speaking but I know that isn’t what she is looking for. Finally I settle for, “I don’t know.”

She nods and smiles at me. That feeling of not knowing who I am because I just am is a strange one and vibrates through me, loosening my mind and I can feel, jarring a little bit of my attachment to my body. A surge of energy moves from my crown chakra at the top of my head and down to the base of my spine and eventually out my root chakra.

Another lotus flower appears before me.

This time all I can do is laugh out loud, although I couldn’t have told you why.

And Kuan Yin laughs with me and says, “That’s better!”

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and virtual sessions. You can read her tweets here and become her friend on facebook.

Letting In Love On Our Birthdays

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multi-colored-heart_-with-beams_-of_-light_

Compassion flows the strongest from self love, not self sacrifice.

Note: This is a series of blog entries sharing experiences and conversations I have while meditating and opening myself to the frequencies of Kuan Yin, a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher and face of the Divine Mother. To read the first in this series, please go here. 

By Jelelle Awen

I am diligent, repeating my “Ma Om” mantra and touching parts of my body, imagining Kuan Yin merging with me. I particularly hover my hands over my seven chakras, which are whirling centers of energy in our etheric or subtle body. I grip a rose quartz in my hand as that is the stone that holds the energy of the Divine Mother to me.

I feel the warmth of Kuan Yin’s presence and her voice, bright in my head, saying, “Happy Birthday, Jilly Bird!”

I am a little surprised by her enthusiasm about my 44th birthday. “Is it happy? I mean, is it really anything?”

“It is a celebration of you! I celebrate you!” She enthuses at me.

“Birthdays are an illusion, aren’t they?” I ask, ever trying to be the good student.

“In the sense of….there is no time, yes. In the sense of……you being born and dying every arising moment rather than just being born in one moment, yes.”

“Yes, and in the sense of numbers of years on earth being meaningless to reflect true maturity.”

She smiles her soft smile at me.

“In previous years I have felt a young part of me, my inner child, become very excited about my birthday,” I say. “She would want to feel special and she wanted attention. This year, she feels content inside of me and, in some ways, like this day is the same as any other.”

“Birthdays offer a space to receive appreciation, recognition, and well wishes. You want these, don’t you?”

I don’t have to think about this for long. “Of course. Although sometimes it can be a struggle to let it in.”

“Yes, a struggle. This is what to feel today, Jelelle. On your birthday. To feel letting in love into your heart.”

At that moment, I feel a surge of warm energy in my fourth or heart chakra. It radiates out, like the sun, like a stone dropped into a pond rippling soft waves in all directions.

I feel the capacity to let in love expand with Her energy and Her encouragement.

I also feel how compassion has to start with myself before it can truly overflow to others. Letting the love and appreciation I receive on my birthday from those people most intimate with me creates an overflow that can then go to others. This is the true way that compassion flows the strongest……from self love, not self sacrifice.

I carry this feeling of letting in with me as I check my emails and my facebook account. I am brought to tears a few times by the outpouring of love and appreciation that I receive from others, especially those in our SoulFullHeart community.

And, I feel in this where my heart is more comfortable still giving out then letting in. Even after years of being in a marriage with a mate who showers me with affection and attention. Even after years of receiving gratitude from students who I serve and have served. Even after years of feeling connection with the Divine Mother and the exquisite sense of being loved by Her as a beloved daughter.

The process of letting in and receiving love is an ongoing one and I believe a much harder energy to inhabit than giving love. It is a wonderful practice though, on our birthdays or any other ‘normal’ day.

~

Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book to be released on June 1st, Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Going Beyond The Mind Not Against It: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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By Jelelle Awen

kuanyinmind2

I start these processes without knowing where they will go or lead me; not knowing how they will unfold to offer consciousness expansion for myself; not knowing how they might serve spiritual and emotional consciousness awakening and expansion in others. I follow a desire and from there the form unfolds.

I was led recently by a desire to deepen experiences I have had (even though they aren’t ‘experiences’ in another way) of altered states of consciousness over the years but particularly in the last 18 months since moving to a remote, off-grid sanctuary in rural Mexico. I call these experiences a ‘dripline’ because while they are strong in the moment of happening, they move on eventually. They feel like a drip rather than a gush, so far. I trust this drip is what I and parts of me can let in right now.

As I describe in the first entry in this series, I have a relationship with Kuan Yin (a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher) that goes back several years to when I was awakened to Divine Feminine consciousness after becoming attuned in Reiki energy healing. The shamanistic healer and Reiki Master who attuned me also offered that I turn to Kuan Yin as my personal spirit guide and teacher. My immediate response to her suggestion was to burst into tears. Just the mention of Kuan Yin (who I wasn’t really familiar with at the time) brought up a huge surge of heart and soul longing.

Kuan Yin is both (at times) stern sounding but affectionate mother and penetrating spiritual teacher. I feel both comfort and discomfort around Her energy. She is both familiar and foreign; nurturing and, at the same time, without a form to wrap around. All these contradictions seem to work for Her though and my heart trusts and loves her deeply even if my mind can’t quite grasp Her. But, that’s the point actually.

This morning, during our meditation time together, She inspired me to share regularly about my experiences with Her during this time of surrogacy together and offer whatever message She would like to express through me. I have long ago embraced my soul purpose as Divine messenger and scribe; it is at times a very blessed thing to be and at times can draw misunderstanding and strong resistive projections from others (just as the Divine Mother Herself can.) I feel that we all have the capacity to connect with various forms and energies of the Divine Mother and receive Her messages. Billions of people already do in the form of what the world’s religions offer, such as worshipping Mother Mary, even if their religion can tend to filter the purity of Her heart and message. I describe the mantra and process I use to connect with Her in this blog entry.

So, I will share regularly. I wanted to say ‘daily’ but that doesn’t have much meaning in the moment as what is a day (or any measurement of time) but an illusion created by the mind? Kuan Yin would say so anyway.

As I repeated my “Ma Om” mantra while touching my body and feeling my love for Kuan Yin this morning, I noticed the crazy activity of my mind. How the thoughts and mental digestions seemed to ‘interrupt’ the process every few seconds! My mind wanted to process and package the whole experience before I’d even really had it. I would move my attention back to the mantra and, again, after a few seconds, would discover I had drifted again.

Kuan Yin was with me in this, seemed to feel my growing concern, and we began to dialogue about it.

“Busy mind, yes,” She said to me in her penetrating way.

“It is so busy! I try to still it with these mantras and it gets bored. It seems to rebel and want to gallop away like a wild horse,” I responded.

I do believe She chuckled then…laughing with me, not at me.

“Yes, like wild horse. But, why you go against it? What does it want?”

I felt and thought about this for a moment. “My mind says that mantras are too boring. It likes dialogue and conversation. Or to go on creative visualization and etheric journeys like we used to. When it is occupied in ‘helping’ with these things, then it can let in energies such as Kundalini or the Non-Dual.”

“So, why you not let it?”

“I didn’t think that was Ok?” I admit, feeling very much like a beginner in that moment.

“Who say it not OK? Who know what is right for you other than you? You’ve got a very imaginative mind, Jilly Bird. It is beautiful. Let it help you move beyond it.”

I contemplated this for a moment (and so did my mind) and we both felt this sense of goodness about that. Rather than trying to ‘tame’ my mind, I could flow with it. All of my most altered states had come through letting my mind help take me on an imaginative journey, as Kuan Yin said.

“And,” She continued, “Just what do you suppose is helping you talk with me right now?”

I could feel my mind get a bit puffed up, but that felt better than putting it down. “For the last ten years, my process has been about forming relationship with and creating negotiation…whether it was with parts of me or with the Divine or with my body. Forming relationship is a dualistic approach though…”

She cut me off with, “Calling something ‘a dualistic approach.’ These are just words. Other people’s words. You follow your own heart, as you have always done. As you teach others to do.”

“I offer a path that has worked for me and then, yes, support them to find their own heart and soul way along it.”

“So, same for you, J-Bird. Same for you.”

I was left with a primary message today that it isn’t about going against the mind but rather beyond it. Taking it with you as a helper, but journeying beyond it….where life can then fully take flight.

Jelelle Awen is a facilitator and co-creator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life  for more information.

A Preschool Beyond The Mind: Meditations With Kuan Yin Blog Series

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Kuan-Yin-and-Bird

By Jelelle Awen

I originally wrote this writing about a visualization visit that I had with Kuan Yin, (a female form of a Bodhisattva or enlightened, ascended teacher) in 2010. I began to experience visualization visits with different faces and energies of the feminine face of God after I received reiki energy healing attunement from a shamanistic healer. The transmission of reiki energy seemed to spark soul access in me related to clear communication and experience of the Divine Feminine. Not channeling, per se, as I remained conscious the whole time. I interacted with four specific faces of the Mother and one of them was Kuan Yin.

Before I began to connect with Kuan Yin in the visceral way that I describe below, I had never read anything about Her even as I had received some sagehood teachings from my former spiritual teacher, who had practiced Zen Buddhism along with many other things. It was later, after I read more about Kuan Yin, that I was touched to feel how I had seemed to authentically experience Her energy and guidance even without knowing much about Her. My experience went beyond what my mind could know to the place where only my heart and soul could access.

I am sharing this piece of writing again because I have very recently begun a renewed surrogacy time with Kuan Yin. I am engaging in daily meditation with her, inviting Her in for visits with me, and receiving Her guidance. My ultimate desire is to feel our union with each other; to feel how I am Her and She is Me. To feel how none of us is separate; no being is higher or lower than the other. I still feel a strong tendency in my soul history to feel I am the student related to such Divine beings, so this will take some practice. The meditation that I am engaging in is one offered by Martin Birrittella in his book, The Field: How To Experience The Field Of Love and it is based on a practice of Hindu saint Chidananda Avadhuta.

In this meditation, you find a quiet place to sit in comfort. Feel your breaths going in and out. On the inhale breath, repeat the mantra, “Ma” and on the exhale breath, the mantra, “Om”. Concentrate on the form of Kuan Yin in front of you or on another face of the Divine Mother.* Have your mind become as still as possible. Feel love and honor in your heart for Kuan Yin. See Her all around you, above, below, and beside you. Visualize that your body is merged with Her body while you continue to repeat the mantra of “Ma Om.”

Touch all parts of your body as you continue to repeat the mantra, feeling yourself connect with Her. Continue to touch your body as you repeat the mantra, over and over with love and trust. Feel how you are Her and She is you. As you walk around the rest of the day, feel your hearts merged and connected to each other.

For me, I also experience a dialogue with Kuan Yin during this process, where she guides me and offers reflections to me before the sense of unionizing begins. She talks more than I do, which suits me just fine.

Below is the experience I previously had with Kuan Yin:

Here is it and I am here. This “it-ness” has been called a “Monday” and each moment has been given a category of a “second” and then a label of a “minute” and “hour” and “date.” These are false to the true reality of the moment as there is no time actually, yet only the arising magic of the Divine exhale and inhale that is the uprising breath of the moment. This naming and categorizing every moment in a linear way is false food to comfort the mind, yet I have eaten this diet of dualistic thought forms my whole life.

I am in preschool again; a preschool that is the real school of life where there are no rules to follow, dualistic concepts to learn, or linear realities to accept. This pre-school is where the beginner’s mind is not educated and conditioned to become an expert in dualistic reality. It is where the beginner’s mind is celebrated and encouraged to become even more childlike and simple and unlearned.

I am guided by Kuan Yin. She tells me to move beyond past associations and we track lovingly my mind’s (led by my false self) wanderings together. We track together my mind’s seemingly obsessive need to connect and associate everything with something else from my past.

“Be in this moment,” she tells me. “Be stillness in this moment.”

This is helpful. I can be stillness again after finding myself wandering off into content and into thoughts that only clutter rather than liberate. She offers me the picture of a very still lake and we are sitting, lotus style, at the shore. Peace, quiet, stillness, depth.

Yet the most helpful to me is her repeatedly saying, “Arise and dissipate.” I see trails and streams of life and energy in these words, which repeated often enough cease to have any meaning at all. Yet, like any mantra used while meditating, they help to give the mind something to occupy itself so the not-mind may be revealed in the spaces in  between the busy thoughts.

I feel a purifying inside. I feel stillness. I feel liberation from the past, and I feel sleepy. I dose all day, in and out of consciousness and not in pure sleep yet somewhere else, somewhere “not here” and yet “not there” either. Repeatedly Kuan Yin asks me if I am ready to learn more and go deeper. She is a kind yet dedicated teacher, making it safer to explore this unknown ground, the one I have always yearned for. Repeatedly, I answer her with a “yes”, surrendering my day to spend in this place of not place.

When I take a walk in the park near my home later that night, the flowers arise. The irises in the garden unfold and wink at me. The birds fly very close, nearly crashing into me, and I feel how somehow I have become more of their substance and more of where and what they are. They do not feel separate from me. They feel more kin than the people busily walking by, people not being but doing, and that is ok. I forget words for things and the things become more alive and miraculous in the forgetting.

Arising and dissipating.

I am in awe of the bigger container and canvas of the Creatrix for which all of life is painted upon. I am in awe of the whiteness backdrop of Her genesis.

This is a gift; this no-place yet all-place place that I am in. I wish for it to last forever even as I am offered that, “forever is as it already is as I am and All That Is is.”

This makes my mind hurt and get confused in a good way.

The next “day” offers different spaces, different challenges, emotional turmoil, yet the feelings and memories and template of the stillness and arising place remain. They hold it all and She holds me, bearing gentle witness to all that arises and dissipates in my journey deeper into myself with Her.

Jelelle Awen is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and co-creator. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information.

A Woman’s Worth

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By Jelelle Awen

I am worthy just as I am.

I am worthy no matter what is in my bank account or how others perceive me.

I am worth all that I desire that comes from a place of authentic longing.

I am worth love and to be loved.

I am worth experiencing passion in my relationships and especially with my mate.

I am worth being treated with respect and reverence.

I am worth claiming my birthright as a sacred human child of the Divine.

I am worth growing, breathing, and inhabiting life on this earthly dimension.

I am worth feeling wanted and wanting others in return.

I am worthy of these things and……so are you.

These are not just positive affirmations. This is how I experience life most of the time. It has taken many tears, many tough choices, and much healing to feel this way about myself. It has taken saying ‘no’ to things which didn’t serve my worth or my sense of it. It has taken reclaiming a relationship with the Divine after spending much of my life claiming to be agnostic. It has taken serving others, especially women, to get to know and heal the part of them that holds unworthiness.

A woman recently said to me with tears in her eyes and an ache in her heart, “I don’t feel worthy,” when I presented her with a picture of passionate relationship. This moment of vulnerability being shared with me touched me and I could feel, indeed, the part of her that doesn’t feel worthy of what her soul and heart aches to experience. I don’t know all the reasons why this part of her feels this way but I am very familiar with the texture of unworthiness as I have felt it myself all of my life.

I believe that we all have a part of us that feels unworthy. It is usually buried in the shadows under another part, a more strategic and outbound part of us that covers over this very tender feeling with frequencies of false humility, confidence, even arrogance. Arrogance is always about a part who is trying to protect the feelings of being unworthy under neath. In my experience, getting to know and connect with the protector of the unworthiness first is what allows it to eventually come forward. Unworthiness (like many shadow aspects) is often more visceral, emotional, and non-verbal. It is stomach churning feelings of yuck about ourselves. It is the sense that we are not worth anything and never will be. I remember gut-wrenching sobbing as my unworthiness unfurled itself to be felt by a parts facilitator and the Divine. It was very challenging to feel this and to share it with someone else but I am so very glad that I did.

My heart hurts for the unfelt unworthiness parts inside of so many people. As I have felt this aspect of myself, it has healed to a sense of innate goodness about myself. Unconditional and mostly unfaltering. Working with this aspect has allowed me to set boundaries with people when I’ve needed to, when it doesn’t serve my goodness to be in relationship with them. At times, I still have a part of me that struggles with ‘rejection’ and can still feel unworthy related to that, especially when it concerns my writing or SoulFullHeart. I imagine that this aspect is something that I will be feeling and healing for the rest of my life.

The message that I have been able to let in from the Divine more and more is that I am worthy to experience love and that, actually, I am Infinite Love. It can be very challenging to claim a life based in self worth yet the rewards of feeling your own goodness alive in your life are so worth it. As are you…

~

Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book,Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

 

Creating From Divine Inspiration Rather Than Depression

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By Jelelle Awen

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As I participate in the creation of the home we are building for Sequoia out of cob (a combination of clay, subsoil, straw and water), as I witness this cabana birthing out of the ground from materials which come exclusively from the ground….I am reminded of the death and rebirth cycle. Creation always brings us closer to the edge of where things begin and eventually where they complete. Immersed as I am in this project right now, I know that some day it will be finished and no longer will it arise anew, responding to contributions of my alchemy, passion, and physical focus. I will have moved on to something else, a new creation will beckon me to make something out of nothing.

Our attention and creativity is meant to wrap around something with focus on the end product while holding reverence for the process. Then, we are able to detach and move on to the next. I find that the more access I have to the part of me or subpersonality that holds my creativity, the more I can navigate and inhabit whatever I am involved in from a place of investment and then detachment.

For many years, my creativity was high jacked by the part of me that holds depression. It seemed that I couldn’t write creatively or work on a creative art project without being in a state of sadness, angst, and melancholy. This depression part of me didn’t feel alive unless she was creating something and yet, she could only be creative by dredging up her pain and using her agony as the primary source of fuel. I stopped publically writing for a few years as I focused on feeling and healing this part of me through journaling with her and being felt by a parts facilitator. This part of me had a complicated relationship with my creativity. She felt that she needed to express this way as means to off gas her pain even though it didn’t actually get felt, only exploited. I believe that a lot of artistic and creative people have a depression part that relates to their creativity in this way which is why so many of them suffer from suicidal depression. Add in another part of us that needs validation and attention from others related to our creativity and it can be a recipe for suffering.

It took me some time to find my writer’s voice again, healed greatly from depression and suffering, and now coming from a new source of Divine inspiration. Creating from this place is about an overflow produced from connection with myself, parts of me, Raphael, others in our community, animals, nature. It comes from an overall sense of joy and goodness about my life. It comes from the feeling of loving and being loved. This love spring has gushed forth eight years worth of blog entries and five books. It turns out that connecting with Divine creative inspiration is also pretty productive.

If someone asked me about how to relate to their creative process, I would offer that we have to feel which part of us is ‘in charge’ of it. As I already mentioned, it can be a depression part which primarily holds it. Or, there can be a very strong identity or persona part related to our creativity with a self image-based claim of being an ‘artist’ or ‘writer’. Or it can be an inner, young child part of us that relates with it like a secret outlet kept hidden away from others because it feels too vulnerable to share. It can be suppressed by a protector or controller part of us to such an extent that we don’t feel like we are creative at all. If creativity is about connecting to Divine inspiration, then also we need to look at the part of us (which we call the Daemon or soul guardian) that opens up access to our soul consciousness and Divine connection. When in Divine thrall or communion, we feel that the act of creating and our creation is ultimately in service of the Divine and in surrender to It as well.

Whether it is building something or writing or painting or making banana bread, creativity can be an expression of our sacred humanity. It can be a glorious testament and honouring of that which transcends reality even as it paints off of the canvas of our ordinary lives. It can honor that which begins and that which inevitably reaches a completion. The Divine doesn’t require masterpieces; only honestly focused expressions of our authentic essence creatively dipping into the waters of Infinite Love in celebration of love and life.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit SoulFullHeart Way Of Life for more information about staying at the Sanctuary and sessions.

 

Openness To Feeling Our Feelings As An Awakening Process

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By Jelelle Awen

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The SoulFullHeart definition of awakening is not about being liberated from feeling anything negative. It is about having the consciousness and heart capacity to hold the reactions, move through them, and gain invaluable healing and understanding in the process.

This afternoon, I experienced a sense of feeling unhappy, which is admittedly rare for me most of the time. It was a vague feeling of unhappiness without a strong charge, but really felt more like a restlessness. I couldn’t feel specific content which created this feeling, but I sensed it has something to do with changes that are coming, both personally and for our community here at the Sanctuary. Changes that will provide a crucible for growth and self understanding, as change always does. It felt like part of me was tense about these changes and how they will impact us and what they will push up to be felt.

There was a rare breeze moving through this afternoon and it seemed to reflect my impatience back to me. As has been my spiritual and emotional healing practice for many years, I asked myself: “Which part of me is agitated?’ and ‘What is going on in my life right now or what has been previously subconscious to me that is now coming up?’ Finally: ‘What do I need to be open to feeling?’

This openness to feeling the source of my reactions has led me to the place I am now most of the time….can it be called, ‘awakened’? Or, even, enlightened? I suppose it could be, seen through a certain filter. Or, at least that I have had tastes of being awakened based on the experiences I have had and continue to have. Why, then, if this is true, am I feeling restless and, even, agitated? Isn’t all that supposed to be ‘behind me’?

I feel that these questions are at the heart of the distortion about being awakened or enlightened. As if, suddenly, like receiving a bolt from the sky, we are free of our feelings and reactions. As if, we are released from our humanity and no longer ‘plagued’ by shifting moods and emotional tides. Maybe for some souls this is true….maybe it was true for Buddha as he was described by others. And for Yeshua and for Krishnamurti perhaps. But, it seems to me that these saints and sages must have had passing moods and feelings too. They were human after all, even if they had ascended to a place of consciousness that is well beyond what most of us experience every day. While I admire deeply the great saints and sages, I don’t look to them for a model of being without feelings but rather as templates of how to hold higher states of consciousness and our humanity in one individual expression of Infinite Awareness and Infinite Love.

For those of us interested in personal and spiritual growth, I feel that what we are after is understanding and awareness about our reactions and moods. We want to understand and, therefore, ultimately heal our pain and suffering to experience more joy and wonder about our lives. And through this understanding, be able to make choices that feel more in alignment with who we authentically are and our soul purpose reason for being here. Perhaps some of us want to experience our nondual nature in magical moments freed from the tight constraints and filtering of our minds. Or, we want to feel the arms of the Divine around us, guiding and holding us, even as in moments It sets us free to fly our own routes, sovereignly following our passions and our desires.

The SoulFullHeart definition of awakening is not about being liberated from feeling anything negative. It is about having the consciousness and heart capacity to hold the reactions, move through them, and gain invaluable healing and understanding in the process. Being with my feelings in this way for over ten years is what has opened my heart and soul to let in the altered states of consciousness that I have experienced and the overall joyful and magical way that I relate to my life. Yes, ‘bad’ moods still occur for me, but they are held with sacredness and honor. And, they move quite quickly rather than sticking to a deeper, unconscious depression and suffering place inside of me as they did before I began my growth process.

Within the SoulFullHeart community, we invite everyone to share reactions and feelings that come up – as I will do at dinner tonight with my mate Raphael and others after checking in with myself and my guides to feel into the source of my feelings. Being able to share our vulnerable feelings with others who can feel us and love us is another key to awakening to our essence as Infinite Love. Without a support for our inner world to come out, our false self suppresses it and part of us pretends everything is fine. This suppression comes from a sense of feeling separate from each other, which then makes it necessary to hide what we really feel. When we are invited to be authentic with ourselves, with others, and with the Divine from a place of connection and Oneness about what we are feeling, we experience the reactions move and heal. We experience that everything about us can be held with love and sacredness, even what we would have previously judged as ‘negative’ or ‘unenlightened.’

Now that I am finished writing this blog, I feel better and lighter. My heart is filled with the truth of what I am offering and my desire to share this with others who are tired of suppressing their feelings and pretending to be what they are not. The agitated mood is moving along like the breeze, not gone for good but ebbing and flowing until I need it again.

Jelelle Awen is co-creator and a facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Please visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions.