This has been a very rumbly week leading up to Easter. There has been a churning of death and rebirth going on inside and out. My sacred union with my beloved Kasha has been put to the ‘test’, so to speak, with so much new ground needing an old ground to burn away in order to come into our next level of conscious romance and leadership.
I have needed to be ‘off’ social media to let all of this digest and find its way inside of me. It has been about continuing to find my voice, speak my truth and needs, as well as feeling the fear of doing so. It is this truth that can change so much. It creates and it destroys, but not necessarily in the way that a part of us may feel like it will. It is this fire that is meant to be alchemical and not necessarily harmful.
I was starting to feel the ways in which this fear is more about embodying our true power in the world and what that can actually create. If power and truth in our soul history has been experienced or judged as a ‘negative’, then we will inevitably find a way to suppress said power. We will remain in a push-pull around it. Deeply wanting and needing it, while hiding it at the same time. This creates suffering rather than movement.
This power has been held as a control mechanism inside of me. A way to manage and maintain a particular consciousness while my soul and the Divine are strongly, yet lovely, inviting me into something more essential, more real. Something long forgotten or buried. This is where a tight grip has formed or an anxious fear of surrender. I realized how much a part of me has still clung to this control structure.
In meditation I saw a sand castle on top of a stream. The foundation of this sand castle was collapsing into the stream. The castle was starting to crumble and I could feel parts of me trying to build it back up with more sand in order to keep it up. There was a tiredness in that. A readiness to let go while fearing the unknown of it all. I felt the stream as the Divine Itself, as Love, as the Tao. It just wants me to be the stream. Be in active surrender to where it is meant to take me even if I can’t see around the bend or it winds up in rapids.
It is my vulnerability and truth that keeps me afloat. It is what allows me to flow with my currency and is my true power. That stored up power in the castle just changed form and into embodiment. As the castle fully collapsed, I shed tears. I felt myself collapse into the flow of Love. I felt baptized and renewed. I felt a new connection with Kasha and myself.
As a result, I found myself realizing I needed to go back to my previous name of Gabriel. A lot has moved for me since trying on Aurius, but Gabriel is the essence of who I am in my soul. It is my Divine name. I just needed to flush some things out and reboot it. My beloveds also have an affinity for Gabriel and so that was enough for me to choose to go back. I will keep Amara as my last name, however. It has a frequency I love. It represents my inner feminine.
Thank you for being a part of this journey with me, and I hope that it has a service to you in all that you may be going through at this time. I am always here to facilitate and hold-space for this process that has taken me to new worlds and embodied awarenesses inside of myself in deep terrain. It is alchemical and transformative.
Much love to you this Easter weekend and may you meet your next death and rebirth cycle with grace, compassion, and courage.
Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.
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