Feeling Easter As Your Own Death & Rebirth Process

This has been a very rumbly week leading up to Easter. There has been a churning of death and rebirth going on inside and out. My sacred union with my beloved Kasha has been put to the ‘test’, so to speak, with so much new ground needing an old ground to burn away in order to come into our next level of conscious romance and leadership.

I have needed to be ‘off’ social media to let all of this digest and find its way inside of me. It has been about continuing to find my voice, speak my truth and needs, as well as feeling the fear of doing so. It is this truth that can change so much. It creates and it destroys, but not necessarily in the way that a part of us may feel like it will. It is this fire that is meant to be alchemical and not necessarily harmful.

I was starting to feel the ways in which this fear is more about embodying our true power in the world and what that can actually create. If power and truth in our soul history has been experienced or judged as a ‘negative’, then we will inevitably find a way to suppress said power. We will remain in a push-pull around it. Deeply wanting and needing it, while hiding it at the same time. This creates suffering rather than movement.

This power has been held as a control mechanism inside of me. A way to manage and maintain a particular consciousness while my soul and the Divine are strongly, yet lovely, inviting me into something more essential, more real. Something long forgotten or buried. This is where a tight grip has formed or an anxious fear of surrender. I realized how much a part of me has still clung to this control structure.

In meditation I saw a sand castle on top of a stream. The foundation of this sand castle was collapsing into the stream. The castle was starting to crumble and I could feel parts of me trying to build it back up with more sand in order to keep it up. There was a tiredness in that. A readiness to let go while fearing the unknown of it all. I felt the stream as the Divine Itself, as Love, as the Tao. It just wants me to be the stream. Be in active surrender to where it is meant to take me even if I can’t see around the bend or it winds up in rapids.

It is my vulnerability and truth that keeps me afloat. It is what allows me to flow with my currency and is my true power. That stored up power in the castle just changed form and into embodiment. As the castle fully collapsed, I shed tears. I felt myself collapse into the flow of Love. I felt baptized and renewed. I felt a new connection with Kasha and myself.

As a result, I found myself realizing I needed to go back to my previous name of Gabriel. A lot has moved for me since trying on Aurius, but Gabriel is the essence of who I am in my soul. It is my Divine name. I just needed to flush some things out and reboot it. My beloveds also have an affinity for Gabriel and so that was enough for me to choose to go back. I will keep Amara as my last name, however. It has a frequency I love. It represents my inner feminine.

Thank you for being a part of this journey with me, and I hope that it has a service to you in all that you may be going through at this time. I am always here to facilitate and hold-space for this process that has taken me to new worlds and embodied awarenesses inside of myself in deep terrain. It is alchemical and transformative.

Much love to you this Easter weekend and may you meet your next death and rebirth cycle with grace, compassion, and courage.

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Gabriel Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for both men and women.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

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Being With Your Inner Masculine As A Woman

by Kalayna Colibri

I wrote a digestion a few days back of the incoming energies really working the wounded masculine – helping us to see it within ourselves, others, the world around us, and in so doing, to help us start to see the emerging Sacred Masculine, which we cannot really start to feel until we can feel what it is NOT first… as always, starting within.

I’ve actually been working with my Inner Masculine for a few years now as part of my process on the SoulFullHeart path. “He” has had many forms – Inner Protector, Gatekeeper (4D protector of your soul, especially your Metasoul Aspects), Inner Father, Inner Punisher, and all in all, my Inner Mate. all in different waves, layers and expressions, all with different names and frequencies too. Nowadays he goes by the name of “Malcolm” and together we are feeling through what feel like some lingering and perhaps finally completing tendrils and ties to 3D reality, which he has held as so dear for so long, and for many valuable reasons.

As a woman, it feels so incredibly important to acknowledge, deeply feel, and profoundly honour the Inner Masculine within, as they are as much a part of what makes up the remaining patriarchal and wounded masculine frequencies and realities in our current world and widespread reality, both within and outside of us. We have as much responsibility to feel these frequencies within as men do… and this world we are experiencing and wanting to deconstruct in order to rebuild into New Earth, is one we, as parts of us, have co-created.

Today I chose to spend a magical and unfolding afternoon with Malcolm, as it was his wish to do this with me… to have some dedicated “us” time where we can feel each other and feel our relationship start to move into higher vibrations together. He waxed metaphysical as we sat in a local (very Mexican, very sweet!) coffee shop and journaled together. I will share our dialogue together, as it offers you a bridge into being with a part of you, and a way in which to be with your own Inner Masculine (as a man or woman!).

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Malcolm: I like this place, Kalayna… A/C would be nice, but it’s good…. Coffee is good, new environment is good… can’t get too congested and busy in here because it’s so small, AND they speak English really well! It’s sweet… and it’s nice to not have to hold Spanish with you right now.

Kalayna: Right? And after all that notebook hunting, looking for a small one to fit into a purse, we still ended up with more stuff than will (really) fit in my purse. Hilarious!

M: I know… oh well… I have to get used to letting go of agendas and pictures… or at least any attachment to them.

K: Yes, well, that will come… is here already, actually. You are doing it, little by little.

M: Yes. I’m letting that (and you) in!

I’m sorry I can be such an ass sometimes…
K: It’s OK, Malcolm. That isn’t very common now… you are not an ‘ass’, my friend. You are protective sometimes maybe, but nothing more than that.

M: Thank you… I do feel like I am changing. Sometimes it’s hard to believe how much I can change actually and AM being invited to change, which really in my case means letting go more than anything else.

K: What does ‘letting go’ mean to you?

M: Oof… well, control. Letting go of control or any attempt at it. God, THAT alone causes so much stress, because life IS out of control… YOU are out of control.

K: I am? 🙂

M: Ummmm, well, your growth is, yes! Your destiny is, yes!

K: What do you feel about ‘destiny’, Malcolm?

M: I feel like it is a fixed star always on the horizon. Just, I don’t know, the highest point of your highest timeline… where maybe someone may not get to in one particular timeline, but eventually their soul will get there. OK, I am waxing metaphysical right now!

K: Please go on! I love it!

M: (blushing a little) OK… I will continue.

What if “destiny” isn’t a carrot held by Divine forces, but is instead an inevitability? And what if maybe the destiny, the Grand Destiny, if you will, is really just an ultimate return to love, but with ALL of the growth, changes and trajectories you’ve inhabited left intact. A “return to Source” in a way, but as the mosaic piece you ARE becoming fully carved out and painted in your soul’s unique energies and colours? I get the sense that humans are unique beings because they have and ARE uniqueness… I don’t know. It’s that Conscious Duality piece again, it seems (side note: more on Conscious Duality on our blog, if you’re curious).

K: Yes, wow, that actually opens something up in my heart. Thank you, Malcolm.

M: Yeah… it feels good and purposeful and interesting…. We came from love and unto love we shall return… with significance, not pride or arrogance. Yet significance. And reverence for ALL… wow… Juicy!

K: Sure is! 🙂

M: Thank you for this today, Kalayna.

K: You’re so welcome, Malcolm. More of this to come, sometimes with Gabriel too! 😀 And of course our other beloveds too… with more beloveds to come soon.

M: Yes! I would like that…

K: Me too. 

~

The pictures accompanying this post are from today! Me at the coffee shop (you can sort of see/feel Malcolm in my field), some goodies well-enjoyed, and the beautiful sun codes we took in together too. 

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Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.