heart healing – Page 8 – Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart)

Preface To ‘The Quest: A Men’s Healing And Ascension Journey’

Published on March 11, 2021March 18, 2021 by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

I started working on a book about the quest of the sacred masculine and its healing journey about this time last year when I was apart from my soul fam in SoulFullHeart. Of course, it couldn’t help itself from being anything less than what I had learned. It was a way for me to see myself, feel myself, and hopefully help other men in the process.

I have gone back to it recently and felt a pride in what I started and feel drawn and guided to continue on. I may share excerpts along the way as they highlight themselves. Today, I felt to share the Preface as it has relevance to our current collective situation and how are huMANity and masculinity relate to it. I look forward to where this journey takes me in my leadership and service of love to the men (and women!) it is meant to land in.

“IT IS CURRENTLY 2021 and I find myself, along with all of humanity, in a very tumultuous time in history. A global pandemic of fear, psychological and informational warfare, disclosure, and governmental authoritarianism is reigning supreme in our collective drama. Those that have been ‘elected’ or determined to be the leaders of the glorious mothership we call Earth/Gaia, are showing themselves to be ‘emperors with no clothes’.

I started to write this book about the awakening, sacred masculine right around the time the world went into a frenzy of lockdowns and an ever-mounting case load of information showing that we are being hooped and reigned in by a consciousness that is dystopian, dysfunctional, and dis-integrated. There are cries that the Old Guard of the Patriarchy be taken down and dis-membered (many times expressed literally!). There is the disclosure of the ‘Deep State’ as well as the hidden hand that is its ‘Luciferian’ influencer.

I put words in quotes not to dismiss them, but to highlight that these words are portals into something more contextual and less exact. This is not a book about evidence, data, or convincing this or that. It is about feeling within the current circumstance we find ourselves in as human beings, and more specifically as the masculine side of that equation (more on what I mean by that in the following Introduction.)

The male/wounded masculine dominance of the past few thousand years is being brought to trial and exposure by the collective arising feminine as well as the awakening, healing masculine. This is not an anti-man exploration. My journey has been to find the roots of our collective wounding through my own personal healing and introspection/integration process. In my heart it is very PRO-masculine, the healed transmutation of what has not been working and the honoring and cultivation of what has.

As men on a quest for our authentic expression and embodiment in this drama, we are being called to initiate ourselves into something new that brings us face-to-face with the Shadow that is appearing right in front of our very eyes these days. We are being invited to seek our calling and purpose in this death and rebirth process known as ‘Ascension’.

We all have a huge part to play in the years to come. Yet to recreate and rebuild I feel we need to do that from a more healed and honest place within us. Who we truly are is a result of seeing and feeling what we have been through with a courageous and compassionate heart as well as passionate conviction to be the change we want to see in the world.”

Raphael Awen and I will be hosting a Men’s Group Call on Saturday, March 27 via Zoom at 5pm GMT. The topic will be Power, Adequecy, and Vulnerability. We will be doing a video conversation and meditation soon to bring this into clarity. But until then you can visit our page at: www.soulfullheart.org/mensgroupcalls for more info and donations for the link.

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The New Frontier Of Sacred Sexuality

Published on March 9, 2021March 9, 2021 by Gabriel Amara1 Comment

This coming Sunday, Jelelle and Raphael will be hosting a group call over Zoom on Sacred Sexuality (www.soulfullheart.org/events). This topic has a lot of energy to it in a variety of ways.

So much of our human story is wrapped up in our sexuality. What it is or isn’t. What it has been used for or used as. What we have been affected by or traumtized by. We all have a different relationship to it.

From an early age, sexuality was seen as a means to some kind of validation. I was shown a Playboy magazine when I was 7 years old in the basement of a neighbors house. I was told to do things that felt weird in order to be given the luxury of seeing it and bearing witness to it.

From that point on, sex was also seen as something taboo and mysterious. It became an obsession in my teenage years and fomented a consciousness that became quite a suffering ground. I took to pornography as a means to satiate this need for power, adequacy, and intimacy (without actually being intimate).

When I met Kasha in the beginning of my SoulFullHeart healing journey, I got to see how my sexuality was out of synch with my emotionality. My heart and my ligham were not necessarily in the same room at the same time. Shame would come up at times in response to this which led me down the Freudian mother wounding path that I needed to address in order to fully embody my more healthy sexuality.

I can’t tell you how much suffering was embedded in my relationship to sex. Through much deep-diving and connecting to my parts and Metasoul around it, I feel like I am just starting to begin a new journey with sexuality in a sacred way in my reunion with Kasha.

It is more about the sexuality inside of me first. What is THAT all about?! This feeling of my own inner sex is tantalizing and curious. It is rooted in creativity and Love. It is wanting to have sex with the World and the Yoniverse. It wants to produce works of art, writing, music, and dance.

The sexuality between Kasha and myself wants to head into more of the energetic heart and soul exchange rather than just the standard-bearer of genital sex (not that I don’t enjoy that too!😊🔥). There are portals and merkabas to explore and discover. There is deep passion and Love that are meant to be birthed into the world through our union of energies.

I feel a more grounded and mature relationship to sexuality now. One that is embodied and through a healing heart and clear soul. It is a new frontier that is beyond pleasure yet includes it in a much more healthy way that I feel I have always longed for since the day in that basement.

If you feel a draw to this healing and renewed relationship to sexuality with Self, Other, and the Divine please join the call this coming Sunday at 5pm GMT. More information at www.soulfullheart.org/events. There you will also find information on our upcoming Men’s Group call on Power, Adequecy, and Vulnerability on March 27th.

Much love and hot sex. 🔥❤️🕺🏼💃

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

My Heart Is Here To Serve

Published on March 8, 2021 by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

My heart is here to serve.

It was not a pretty sight about 10-12 years ago. I found myself in situations that felt like bottoms of barrels. A merry-go-round of anxiety, depression, and inner-punishment all while having the exterior of ‘having it all together’.

I found myself using alcohol, speed, and pornography as some sort of escape only to find myself deeper in the mud of Unworth. The maintenance of a ‘normal’ life was wearing thin and cracks were forming. I felt myself losing grip of a life of passion and joy. A part of me resigning to suffering as a way of life.

When I began my own journey with SoulFullHeart I was just looking for a means to find inner peace and a way to support myself doing something meaningful. What it turned out to be was much more. It was a calling back to Self and Service. And there I have found my roots.

The process of meeting and feeling the parts of me, stuck in what felt like a never-ending pattern of unworth and suffering, was a huge heart-opening as well as eye-opener. I started to see the ways in which I was creating a bifurcated world inside of myself. Love was some novel concept that you could see or read about, but not fully feel in my being.

As I have continued down this path of selves-discovery through parts work, and soul-awakening through Metasoul work, I have come to a new frontier in my life previously held in the shadow of my consciousness. We don’t always hide the ‘ugly’, but many times the beauty.

It has been through all my deep movements and initiations (that I didn’t realize were initiations), that I have found myself in sacred desire to serve. Serve those that feel connected my words, my heart, and my past. I may not have had quite the traumas others have had but my journey has taught me that I have a well of compassion, care, and curiosity…the three elements for this work.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are hard places to go. There are challenges and difficulties. If we are called to heal and grow, this is the real and true path. Some of our parts weren’t baked from a Holly Hobby Oven, but rather from the grist of karma. This is the nature of our individual human story.

In all of that, there needs to be a sense of safety and trust. This is why we meet the Inner Protector first so that we get to feel and heal these places with permission and grace. I work WITH you, not for you. Ultimately, you are the sovereign in any session, I just open my heart and ask questions, offering intuitions along the way. Well, not JUST. Opening the heart is part of what I have worked so hard to get to. It is the fruit of my own inner labour. Now I want to share that fruit.

I have worked mostly with women and have had so many amazing experiences. Lots of growth for both of us. I have an affinity to work with the feminine as I have a close relationship with my own. I am guided by the Magdalene lineage of service.

I desire to serve men as well in their ache to find their own mark in the world through a sensitive and caring heart. I have been through my own sacred masculine journey and continue to do so. I am working with Raphael Awen monthly and will be offering Men’s Group calls and videos talking about men, healing, and spirituality. It is a deep calling to serve men into their Highest Heart and SoulFire Self.

I offer a free 45-minute introductory call to see how I may serve you in your healing into self-love and SoulFire. It is also to see if it is even a fit for both of us at this time. SoulFullHeart is a specific paradigm that is more than just a therapy or healing modality. It is a way of life in the end. Yet, that can be discovered and felt one session at a time.

I look forward to this landing in the heart or hearts that it is meant to. If you know someone in need, please send them this contact. I am blessed to be a part of this community of journeyers, healers, and leaders. I am honored to be a part of your journey and healing as well.

Much love to you whether we work together or not. We are all in this together. 🙂

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

A Common Challenge For Awakening Men

Published on March 8, 2021March 8, 2021 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

I had the pleasure of holding space for a man yesterday in session space over zoom and we encountered something together that feels really common for awakening men.

As he described some precious and powerful awakenings with Yeshua and many new places of openings recently, I couldn’t help but feel an anxious undertone in his sharing, so I just asked if he could feel a part of him that is vigilant about keeping up with awakening, and that opened out a whole portal to go into together where we felt and saw that the efforting and vigilance about awakening was being used to avoid an inner well of ‘persistent hollowness’. We were able to see and feel the part of him who lives in this hollowness and begin to see him as the one who holds vast access to creativity, as well as the men’s version of the womb, what’s known as the Hara.

This all felt so familiar to my own process of being out of touch with my own grief over the years, and with that of course, my own depression. I didn’t have any depression as near as I could tell, for decades actually, but truth was, part of me had just done an outstanding job of keeping it buried. I was quite a stellar human then, liked by many, but the treadmill of the efforting was starting to wear the benefits thin and the costs were tabulating.

I don’t think anything would have changed for me were it not for a crisis, and in some ways, an ongoing series of manageable mini crisis’ if you will.

Together in session with this man yesterday, we began to feel the call to really begin to bridge to this part of him, curiously and with open heart, get to know his reality. Negotiate with him to return out to play, not as another item on the to do list or the to be list of awakening, but just as a natural longing and appetite to get to know.

Then we felt THAT to be the ending of the efforting, as the efforting was actually being used to keep this part’s world and reality suppressed inside, when life is actually ripening this part’s reality to the surface.

I so don’t feel I could have bridged these realities inside of myself and my own healing/awakening process without ‘parts work’ as it is known. Without parts work, we just leave the part of us to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, without them feeling a you there to be with them, to bridge and support them in the changes they wish to make, kind of like the physically present, but all too often emotionally absent parents we experienced in growing up.

When the bridging occurs between you and a part of you, the perception of what both the problem and the solutions are also shift and change and whole new worlds emerge that were not seen before.

This is the magical portal that our wounding is, offering us sacred entry into dimensions not seen or known yet. Spiritual fixes for depression or anxiety aren’t much better than the pharmaceutical fixes are as both are about the fear and avoidance of this portal.

Being ready to enter this portal is quite organic, and you simply know when you are there. The call and question about sufficient courage is outweighed by the growing inability to hold up the old way any longer.

Whatever needs to be surrendered in order to enter the portal is kind of like shrinking your life into a 2 suitcase limit on a one way overseas airplane flight. You only have 23 kilos per bag, so the question becomes about what’s coming or not. Really, you can only take yourself, and a few most necessary items. The life you’ve created and accumulated needs to be largely or completely let go of. Socially, this is probably the hardest as our underlying and unconscious social agreements are about each of us promising to remain proximal in both geography and within a certain consciousness bandwidth with one another. You could say that we co-sign one another’s agreements to stay in resonant around remaining small, that is until we default on the agreement.

Some around us understandably get pissed, and rightfully so. We were the best exemplars to the agreement, maybe even better than the others in the picture were. And now, you’re the one pulling the pin. You also have some apologies to make, but the crazy thing is, no one wants the apologies, they want you to return, but crazier still is that you’ve already morphed beyond the place where that could even be possible. There’s nothing left but to honour that with grief and sorrow and goodbyes.

‘You’re the one who changed’ my best friend once told me while out on a hiking trail trying to bridge a conversation about the growing differences between us. He was right. Our unspoken agreement had been about remaining true to a code of values, purpose and meaning. My emerging values, purpose and meaning we’re leaving the parameters of our agreement. My old me simply couldn’t fit in the suitcase any longer and my departure date was fast approaching.

It wasn’t but a couple years later that I sat across from this friend at breakfast, with tears, and said goodbye to him, to our friendship, as where I was going was only going to leave both of us strained in a very unreal friendship, something neither of us were really capable of.

Life, real life, always brings up new enterings and leavings in this way. All of life could be summed up as a series of beginnings and endings in this way, and the most adapted to this reality, in their ability to feel grief and sorrow are truly the happiest campers. Joy comes in the morning and through the mourning.

What is it in life that is shifting and rumbling for you? What are you being asked to grieve and let go? How could you do that in a way that doesn’t leave you more wounded, withdrawn and reserved?

Could I help you make that transition? Could I help you embrace your bigger you? Could I help you find your soul family and passion purpose calling expression?

I moved into a new and brave world as a beginner, and have made some discoveries that may one day bear my name, but for now they are just here being offered to you, as these discoveries need more bold souls to test drive the living, loving and learning. Then it can be our discovery, and not just mine.

I would so welcome hearing from you, more about me and sessions at soulfullheart.org/sessions and you can email me at soulfullhearts@gmail.com. Sessions are for 90 minutes and cost $100 usd. You may also be drawn to one of the three other current SoulFullHeart facilitators, my wife, Jelelle Awen, Aurius Amara, Kasha Rokshana, whose info is also at the link above and who can be reached at the same email address above.

The pic above is from a recent group day with six of us here in Glastonbury/Avalon. We look shiny and lovely because we are most of the time, but also not without some serious mess in the playful bliss, both as couples and as a community.

Love,

Raphael

Our next group call:

taking place on March 14th @ 5pm GMT (London, UK) with Raphael and Jelelle, which will focus on Sacred Sexuality. More info on that call can be found here: soulfullheart.org/grouptransmissions

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Loving The ‘Ugly Duckling’ Within

Published on March 7, 2021 by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

“Why do I feel so unlovable?”, this part of me says. “Why do I feel so ugly?”

“Who told you you were unlovable and ugly?”, I reply with compassionate curiosity.

“I don’t remember. There are just voices. Whispers in the wind.”, he says.“I don’t see you as ugly or feel you as unlovable. I feel you needing a reflection of Love so you can see and feel what you truly are. Is that hard to let in?”, I ask.

“It is. You can show me and yet the wind comes. Changes the reflection somehow. I wish that wasn’t true.”, he says as his head looks down.

“It’s okay, dear one. I will stay here every day, every minute, every second until you see the real you. The you that I see and feel. The you that doesn’t hold court for the whispers anymore. I will be patiently persistent because I love you. Always…and in all ways.”, I tell him as he looks up with tears in his eyes.

“I would like to see and feel that someday soon. It has always seemed so hard. So permanent. Like nothing can ever change and I will always be like this. I get that I have allowed this perception to persist as reality. I have not felt strong enough to choose otherwise. Maybe with you here with me, reminding me, showing me, feeling me, I can change how I see myself the way you see me. Thank you. I needed this. I may need it in an hour.”, he says with his head down again.

“Then in an hour I shall be here too.”

There are times when a part of us just feels ‘ugly’. I don’t just mean the physical kind but the behavioral and emotive kind. These are times we feel small and want to hide away from the world. It can feel like quicksand and get stuck in a loop.
When you can feel this as a ‘part’ of you then you can start to access a different flow of energy from Divine love source through you to this part of you. A stream of Love through consciousness.

Like the part of me said above, “I may need it in an hour”, then an hour I shall be there. It is an ongoing process of feeling and showing up that leads to healing and eventually a sense of liberation from the “voices in the wind”.

This is a practice at first and then just a way of being with yourself that is just natural and consistent. It is the alchemy of self-to-self love as well as Divine-to-self love. The transmutation from the duckling to the swan. The wounded ego to the Divine Self. All held in love and compassion, not self-improvement. Just self-feeling.

If you are wanting/needing to feel this alchemy within you to support you in your flourish, please contact me for a free intro call to see how the SoulFullHeart process can hold space for that connection and transformation.

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Catharsis Of Soul Scream

Published on March 6, 2021March 11, 2021 by Gabriel AmaraLeave a comment

Soul scream….

Hidden and lurking within can be an angst, an anger, a frustration so profound it can rock your world both inside and out.
We are all holding so much inside. Each one of us. Some more or less than others but it is all part of our journeys. Healing sometimes will bring you to the next layers of your soul pain.

This pain from an infinite variety of trauma is stored in the vaults of your soul to be opened and felt when the time is right. When there enough You there to hold it and love it.

Let it rip can be cathartic. It can also be a portal. To release the scream can bring relief, feeling and understanding where it comes from and why it is there can bring transmution and integration.

This Soul Scream can come from repressed truth, witnesses or experienced injustice, Kundalini surges/awakening, and veil lifting. It may be an essential part of our ascension to be intimate and vulnerable with this inner angst.

It holds power, creativity, alchemy, passion, and authentic voice. It is your hidden Real Self coming into contact with the Present. It is gather its sea legs in this dimension and reconciling the trauma and pain.

This is not easy or fun, but it may be necessary to move onto the next phase of growth and healing. When held in safe space such as community and nature it can have life-altering effects.

If you are feeling these rumbles and would like to feel into them more, please feel free to contact me for a free intro call to see how the SoulFullHeart process may support you in this integration and birthing.

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Joys Of Not Knowing

Published on March 3, 2021March 11, 2021 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Raphael Awen

Have you ever noticed that those who claim to not know how to pray offer the best prayers?

So often, it’s our experience and familiarity with something that hampers our arising and new direct interaction with that something.

How could we return to a state of not knowing in order to have a first time experience?

Even asking this question is using experience and knowing as an attempt to return to the innocence not knowing. Isn’t it maddening when the mind gets in the way, even when it’s wanting and willing to get out of the way, but just doesn’t know how?

Wait! I think we solved it, no?

You want to get out of your own way, but don’t know how. Now, you enter the womb of surrender.

You have a desire for something that you have no power or knowledge whatsoever on how you are going to achieve that something. All you have is what you don’t have.

I feel this place where my assets of past experience don’t seem to add up to anything of salvageable value towards entering a new unknown, except for the one asset of not knowing. If I don’t know, then I get to admit that, lead with that, toddle out my first steps into the new thing, laugh goodheartedly at myself along with the others I’m entertaining in the process.

I believe you also, not too far down inside, can feel the place where you don’t know what you are doing.

What if this could be admitted, owned, and cherished instead of a thing of shame and resistance and hiding? Your not knowing is the real gold you came here to share and explore.

You enter the God-zone where even God gets to not know through you.And it makes you really interesting, fun and sexy, if you ask me. Know it alls are boring and dry.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

The Great Reconiliation

Published on February 12, 2021 by Gabriel Amara2 Comments

My, there is a lot moving and shaking going on in consciousness right now! I feel this Great Reconciliation between the Heart and the Head, the Masculine and the Feminine, the Dark and the Light going on right now. In that process of Reconciliation it appears that there is a great polarity being drawn to the surface to look at and determine where we want to go with that.

There was a great polarity happening here amongst us as a family/community that has taken each of us to new places inside that have had unforeseen, yet not surprising, results such as reunion and deepening between souls and the Divine Beloved Itself.

The veils and/or compartments that have been holding Truth and Love at bay are starting to crumble. I can feel how parts of me have identified with those veils and walls. The crumble can create a rumble inside. It takes more effort to suppress that to express now. If that is the case, more Truth will come to the surface all over and that can be messy and scary.

I feel how the Masculine polarity has held a large swath of territory in consciousness. With the Feminine pole coming into balance, it can feel to the masculine that it is being sieged or devoured. Losing its control hold and its identity in a way. Yet what I feel from the Feminine is an Embracing. An Invitation back into Wholeness. It can look like a devouring from a certain perspective. But this whole process is inevitable. It IS happening…

I feel a brotherhood of men that are wanting to be a part of the Great Reconciliation inside and out. There are Knights and Kings of Heart that are seeking to balance these energies inside even if they are not consciously aware of it. This may be coming out in depression, anxiety, or frustration. He doesn’t know what the fuck is up and the default consciousness may be fear or violence toward self and other.
In this process, I feel the Feminine can assist by claiming her own needs, follow her own heart’s desires and intuition, and heal the polarity of the Masculine within. The bond with the Beloved is the shelter in the storm of the rumbles for us all. It takes us to the other side of the other side.

I am here to offer my heart to those that are feeling that desire for inner reconciliation and a return to Balance and Wholeness within. I feel compassion and care for all men that are struggling with so many emotions and circumstances. There is a path to health and inner prosperity and joy. Please do keep me bookmarked in your heart as someone who wants to help. I have been through many Dark Nights and rounds of addictions and despair.

Sending much love to all humanity in this process of Reconciliation.

******

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

My Long List Of Spiritual Attainments!

Published on January 29, 2021 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Taliesin Awen

I’d like to share with you some of my more attained spiritual practices, not to brag or anything like that, but more to be a good example if it’s helpful.

Now, just to be clear and full disclosure and all, there are a few attainments that I haven’t quite realized, that I’m still working on, things like teleportation or levitation and the like. But that doesn’t take away really from what I have, through a lot of fucking hard work been able to achieve.

Let me see, where to begin?

I am able to watch the ‘watch’ thing on Facebook of late and scroll through endless videos of people doing stupid things, sometimes for like a full hour, quite effortlessly actually. I had no idea that table tennis got that advanced since I was into it. That Ozzy guy is a bit rough around the edges with his voice over reviews, but kudos to him for just being himself. The odd scantily clad beach babe inevitably comes up and I usually try to not linger too long, as she doesn’t feel that exciting really, taunting me with her non-offer, except maybe for a titillating moment. Between getting bored and a bit sore from laying around doing nothing really, I then check my Facebook posts for likes and accolades, before passing out.

Then I’m also quite well versed on a Tetris like iPad game, a teenage obsession that crept back into my life recently, nothing too complicated with too many levels and such, but yet in that vortex another half hour or more can pass into oblivion.

It’s also on my list to be able to pass through walls, which isn’t going too well, just yet, but I am really good at consistently banging into walls. If that doesn’t feel like too attained of a thing, just ask the angels, they have the through walls thing going on, but most of them can’t bump into a wall if their life depended on it. I’ve bumped into so much shit, I fear going bald for all the scars and war wounds that will be revealed. I’ll just be sure and wear one of my favorite spiritual teacher hats when the time for that comes.

What else? Right, I’m really good at early morning meditation, but just in my own developed style or dharma if you will. My mind can go in six directions at once, and remain busy as hell, talk about ‘multidimensionality’! I usually drink tea and sit up in bed while I do meditation though as that lotus position twisty thing is as uncomfortable as hell, believe me. I maintain some really good focus until it’s time to write a post or again, as I said, check on Facebook for likes or accolades, or to break my fast on some chocolate or cacao ceremony as some call it, a perfect excuse for chocolate being the first thing I eat on a day with nothing better to do.

Prior to my enlightenment, I was stuck in relentless daily regular consistent practices like yoga and exercise and such, but now, I’m settling naturally into being able to slough off those things easily for another day,… or month. Breaking these nasty addictions has been a major game changer.

Forgive me if any of this sounds like bragging, but it just felt important to not be afraid to toot my own horn. How else can anyone else truly learn if those of us who have gone before are not willing to say it like it is?

What else? Sometimes, I can say or write some pretty brilliant things that people seem to like and be touched by. Where it all comes from, I’m still trying to figure out, really. But what I am getting figured out is that the one thing that really pisses a part of me off is pretending to be something I’m not, so that’s another one I’m still working on, after way the hell too much time spent posturing and pretending, which I’m discovering more and more to be maybe thee root of all stress in my life. That pattern comes up now big time in trying digest where and why a treasured romance recently suddenly came apart at the seams.

I want to get back to play, to really learning, or unlearning maybe more like, how to really be in the abandonment of play. The young kids I see more and more just don’t give a fuck somehow in this really delicious way, and God, I’d love to get more like that. So don’t think for a moment that I’ve got absolutely everything figured out just because I’m admittedly ahead of you in these ways I’m describing.

One more thing while I’m on a roll, I’ve gotten quite expert at reading any room and showing up with what’s expected and hiding away things that I guess wouldn’t score me too many points, or worse, get me kicked out of the game. All that has done me a lot of good, or so I thought, even made me plenty of money over the years, even if it hollowed out most of the deeper meaning in many of my relationships. When I say meaning, I think I’m speaking to the freedom of finding the self permission to just fucking being real in an ever deepening way. If it ain’t real; warts, language, offense and the like, what the hell good is it? Maybe you and I both could use some offense!?

I’m pretty good too at overeating. Why eat just the right amount of all the right things when you can bloat yourself out for the rest of the day and night? Nothing you can’t fix with some dessert thrown on top for good measure to assuage the disconnect of eating about twice what I actually needed.

Anyway, I’m running out of more examples just now, but it felt important to at least give you the high points and set the record straight, for my self worth, to not be afraid to say it straight. And it shouldn’t take you as long as it’s taken me, with me blazing the way for you, a true exemplary wayshower.

Now that I said all that, I feel ready to get going on the next challenges. After all, as they say, if you’re not going forward, you’re going backward. So here’s to fully ass-ending or ascending or whatever that’s called that everyone’s gotten their knickers in a knot over. I’m kind of sure we’ll all end up at the finish line sooner or later, on our asses maybe, but there nonetheless, so not to worry if you’re a bit slower than me. I look forward to being in that moment with each of you and debriefing this whole thing, what we got figured out, and what we didn’t.

You may even be having a better time at all this than I did. I’d be happy to pass the baton and you get to be the shining example, and I get to be a follower for a change.

We’re all different and all God’s children, don’t forget. Hopefully I’m not too far ahead and you’ll still be able to relate. I don’t want to be so heavenly minded as to not be of any earthly good. And of course, I need to make a living at this while I’m at it, so if you care to send money, I’ll be sure to spend that on ice cream and the like.

Yours in sacred service,

Raphael

As you may have seen in a recent post, I’m in process of changing my first name to Taliesin. This writing felt like Raphael, who I’m now relating to as a part of me, and him wanting to part with a layer, a role, that he doesn’t want to take with him as he retires from the lead and heads out for some very well deserved and needed time away in Golden Earth. Thank you to each of you witnessing and feeling with me. Taliesin

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

Raphael Has Changed His First Name To Taliesin

Published on January 29, 2021February 13, 2021 by Raphael AwenLeave a comment

By Taliesin Awen

Dearly Beloveds known and to be known,

Well, I did it! I’ve changed my name in the annals of my own heart and with those closest to me and it’s time to announce that here after sharing deeply about the intention here in a recent FB post recently, hoping that it doesn’t come up for you as too weird or abrupt.

Allow me to say a couple more important things first…

I decided NOT to start a whole new FB page, contrary to what I said I was going to do – thank god! That was said in a moment of de-spiration from within the deeply polarized vortex I went through last week. I’m really relieved to remain here and bring the new energies of what’s unfolding for me to share with those here.

I’d really love to be on your ‘see first’ list here on FB because I feel deeply called to be joined with those who’d like to share a resonance flow together and deepening ongoing journey together.

If you don’t feel drawn to have that together and by chance find it hard to relate to my energy, it’s okay if you need to unfriend too or just choose a safer distance. I trust that life is taking both of us where we need to go. I just want to increase the intention of being together at the orbit that feels right.

Thank you for who you are and what you add to my life.

Okay, that was the really important stuff, but there’s still more stuff to share.

In case you’re wondering, my new name is pronounced Tal-ee-ES-in. It may be a bit of a stumble for a while, but that’s all part of it. If you call me Raphael out of habit, that’s quite okay too. I’m relating to Raphael as a very beloved part of me, giving him the opportunity to receive my heart, instead of the long journey of being my heart that he now gets to rest from if that makes sense.

I feel like I recently went through the biggest death and rebirth canal of my life recently, I’m sure there’s more to go, but I do feel to be finding some handrails and seeing some light of a bright new and glorious day in the moment. This has been about going through my biggest heartbreak this life in completing my romance with Jelelle and worse, even fearing not having her and close feminine beloveds in my life in some way, shape or form that I’ve known and come to treasure so deeply. I’m on the higher side at the moment of what has felt like quite a manic ride of the lowest lows and the highest highs. I’d check myself in if I didn’t have some sense of deep trust and surrender to the process. My heart has been and is being broken open in a new way to receive love and to serve love, and dang, it feels so fucking alive!

I feel called to gather a round table of men to share in this aliveness of heart and soul. The beloved women in our lives and the feminine within will not be unwelcome in any way, quite the opposite actually. We just need private space to process and feel and heal together with what’s real now. I see this round table as like a gathering of Arthur’s knights where we are each arising kings and equals, each with unique gifts and contributions, where each man participates with his sovereignty intact and present, rather than something you give up at the door and have hung before you like a carrot that you can then earn back in exchange for your conformity and good behaviour. I know that last sentence is saying a lot, but I believe it has much to do with why men in general (as compared to women) are more distant to deep inner work, emotionally and spiritually – because they don’t want to be emasculated or dominated as they surrender vulnerably to love and let go to find their true power.

I’m deeply sharing this calling with my beloved closest friend and deepest heart and soul brother, Gabriel Heartman who I have known and lived in deep community with for nearly a decade, lived in 3 countries with, but now am actually living together with, sharing dreams, desires, heartbreaks and heart openings. The inspiration is rising and there are some sweet announcements to make soon, just after we share them and feel them and shape them with our closest beloveds first. Please stay tuned – hence the request above to be on your ‘see first’ list.

Okay, I guess I can’t tell you everything in one post, but let me say for now that you will be seeing more of Gabriel and I, expanding out with more and more men, live streams, Conversations With Men videos, ‘courses’ are definitely in the picture, too.

We’re just looking for ways to channel and share in a calling, to nourish and be nourished. Much of this content we are feeling to make by donation or to charge for as opposed to creating free content, as that doesn’t seem to really work for any of us. We definitely need the money and those we share with need to put some skin in the game for the game to be engaging and come alive.

We are just about to share, (and ask a donation for) a video we recorded as a guided meditation to meet your grief directed to men. This feels like the biggest portal for men to enter their sacred calling. It also deeply thrusts them into communication with the parts of themselves they haven’t yet bridged contact with. And it also thrusts them into the world of their own soul, their own Metasoul brothers and sisters in the most grounded and relational way. So please stay tuned for that.

Both Gabriel and I offer one on one sessions for men and if you’d like to explore that, we’d love to hear from you, serve you and receive your financial support in exchange for. The cost is $100 USD for a 90 minute session together and they are transformational beyond words!

We’re both feeling to put out our tip jars as we go on our stuff. Again, we need and want the exchange of your energy, love in the form of money. You can share some here: paypal.me/awentaliesin. I would be so grateful and tickled to receive your love in this form and allow it to be part of a deepening sacred bond together.

Thank you also to each of you who share my stuff with your FB circle of friends! Precious introductions.

Let’s do this and let’s do it together,

Taliesin (and Raphael)

Tal-ee-ES-in

Tons of love!

Our sessions Page: https://www.soulfullheart.org/sessions

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc.

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