A Common Challenge For Awakening Men

By  Raphael Awen

I had the pleasure of holding space for a man yesterday in session space over zoom and we encountered something together that feels really common for awakening men.

As he described some precious and powerful awakenings with Yeshua and many new places of openings recently, I couldn’t help but feel an anxious undertone in his sharing, so I just asked if he could feel a part of him that is vigilant about keeping up with awakening, and that opened out a whole portal to go into together where we felt and saw that the efforting and vigilance about awakening was being used to avoid an inner well of ‘persistent hollowness’. We were able to see and feel the part of him who lives in this hollowness and begin to see him as the one who holds vast access to creativity, as well as the men’s version of the womb, what’s known as the Hara.

This all felt so familiar to my own process of being out of touch with my own grief over the years, and with that of course, my own depression. I didn’t have any depression as near as I could tell, for decades actually, but truth was, part of me had just done an outstanding job of keeping it buried. I was quite a stellar human then, liked by many, but the treadmill of the efforting was starting to wear the benefits thin and the costs were tabulating.

I don’t think anything would have changed for me were it not for a crisis, and in some ways, an ongoing series of manageable mini crisis’ if you will.

Together in session with this man yesterday, we began to feel the call to really begin to bridge to this part of him, curiously and with open heart, get to know his reality. Negotiate with him to return out to play, not as another item on the to do list or the to be list of awakening, but just as a natural longing and appetite to get to know.

Then we felt THAT to be the ending of the efforting, as the efforting was actually being used to keep this part’s world and reality suppressed inside, when life is actually ripening this part’s reality to the surface.

I so don’t feel I could have bridged these realities inside of myself and my own healing/awakening process without ‘parts work’ as it is known. Without parts work, we just leave the part of us to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps, without them feeling a you there to be with them, to bridge and support them in the changes they wish to make, kind of like the physically present, but all too often emotionally absent parents we experienced in growing up.

When the bridging occurs between you and a part of you, the perception of what both the problem and the solutions are also shift and change and whole new worlds emerge that were not seen before.

This is the magical portal that our wounding is, offering us sacred entry into dimensions not seen or known yet. Spiritual fixes for depression or anxiety aren’t much better than the pharmaceutical fixes are as both are about the fear and avoidance of this portal.

Being ready to enter this portal is quite organic, and you simply know when you are there. The call and question about sufficient courage is outweighed by the growing inability to hold up the old way any longer.

Whatever needs to be surrendered in order to enter the portal is kind of like shrinking your life into a 2 suitcase limit on a one way overseas airplane flight. You only have 23 kilos per bag, so the question becomes about what’s coming or not. Really, you can only take yourself, and a few most necessary items. The life you’ve created and accumulated needs to be largely or completely let go of. Socially, this is probably the hardest as our underlying and unconscious social agreements are about each of us promising to remain proximal in both geography and within a certain consciousness bandwidth with one another. You could say that we co-sign one another’s agreements to stay in resonant around remaining small, that is until we default on the agreement.

Some around us understandably get pissed, and rightfully so. We were the best exemplars to the agreement, maybe even better than the others in the picture were. And now, you’re the one pulling the pin. You also have some apologies to make, but the crazy thing is, no one wants the apologies, they want you to return, but crazier still is that you’ve already morphed beyond the place where that could even be possible. There’s nothing left but to honour that with grief and sorrow and goodbyes.

‘You’re the one who changed’ my best friend once told me while out on a hiking trail trying to bridge a conversation about the growing differences between us. He was right. Our unspoken agreement had been about remaining true to a code of values, purpose and meaning. My emerging  values, purpose and meaning we’re leaving the parameters of our agreement. My old me simply couldn’t fit in the suitcase any longer and my departure date was fast approaching.

It wasn’t but a couple years later that I sat across from this friend at breakfast, with tears, and said goodbye to him, to our friendship, as where I was going was only going to leave both of us strained in a very unreal friendship, something neither of us were really capable of.

Life, real life, always brings up new enterings and leavings in this way. All of life could be summed up as a series of beginnings and endings in this way, and the most adapted to this reality, in their ability to feel grief and sorrow are truly the happiest campers. Joy comes in the morning and through the mourning.

What is it in life that is shifting and rumbling for you? What are you being asked to grieve and let go? How could you do that in a way that doesn’t leave you more wounded, withdrawn and reserved?

Could I help you make that transition? Could I help you embrace your bigger you? Could I help you find your soul family and passion purpose calling expression?

I moved into a new and brave world as a beginner, and have made some discoveries that may one day bear my name, but for now they are just here being offered to you, as these discoveries need more bold souls to test drive the living, loving and learning. Then it can be our discovery, and not just mine.

I would so welcome hearing from you, more about me and sessions at soulfullheart.org/sessions and you can email me at soulfullhearts@gmail.com. Sessions are for 90 minutes and cost $100 usd. You may also be drawn to one of the three other current SoulFullHeart facilitators, my wife, Jelelle Awen, Aurius Amara, Kasha Rokshana, whose info is also at the link above and who can be reached at the same email address above.

The pic above is from a recent group day with six of us here in Glastonbury/Avalon. We look shiny and lovely because we are most of the time, but also not without some serious mess in the playful bliss, both as couples and as a community.


Raphael 💚🌹🏄🏻‍♂️🙏🏻

Our next group call:

taking place on March 14th @ 5pm GMT (London, UK) with Raphael and Jelelle, which will focus on Sacred Sexuality. More info on that call can be found here: soulfullheart.org/grouptransmissions

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. 

We are now offering our SoulFullHeart Portal on Mighty Networks, a private virtual gathering place for sharing exclusive content from us such as energy update writings and guided meditation videos, plus community forum threads with topics and groups that you can read, join, and contribute to as you want. You can join us at the SoulFullHeart Portal for a membership fee of $14.99 USD a month: soulfullheartportal.mn.co/

Bridging The Masculine & Feminine In Avalon

In the Heart of Avalon the energy of the sacred feminine runs deep. As a man it can bring up many different feelings and reactions. For me it has been a toggle between feeling at home and feeling amiss, like I don’t quite fit in.

The dance of the masculine and feminine within comes to the surface to be felt and called into union. I feel these aspects inside of me vying for attention and healing. A priestess energy that has been with me for some time yet is ripe for more relationship in this geography.

Then there is the architecture of the wounded masculine exemplified by the church tower on top of the Tor. It activates a priest and Roman aspect that feel the uneasy feeling of walking these lands remembering the ways in which the dominating culture created a veil to the magic of the time.

The beauty of it all is that I get to bridge those two together into my heart rather than be caught in the space between. I can bring them together in sacred ceremony as I sit here wide awake in the middle of the night. I am on a different clock now and that is the timepiece of the soul

I am here to feel. Here to heal myself as well as the collective masculine so that I may serve those knights of heart that feel the same calling within despite all the din and distraction. The sacred masculine is rising and has a journey toward and with the feminine. It is here and cannot be stopped, only resisted.

I am blessed to be here. I want to share my journey and serve the wisdom and love that arises from it. I have a purpose and the Divine has a plan of which I am only partially privy to. My masculine is acclimating to that while my feminine is revelling.

In the middle is the flow of Life.


Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartorg.com for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Exploring And Feeling The Wounded Feminine Within A Man’s Heart

I feel a sacred journey arising for myself in a renewed journey into my emotional body, more specifically around my inner masculine and feminine polarities. There is a depth of wonder and wound that is at the heart of it. To not go there in my opinion and personal experience, is to miss something profound in our evolution as humans. The emotional body houses our human experience, the ‘data collector’ of our soul’s exploration.

Currently, I am feeling my inner feminine in relation to my inner masculine energy. To fully engage in this relationship as a Man with this Woman can be a bit of a roller coaster. It turns things on its head in regards to how She has related to parts of my life. Was She part of the early rage I experienced as a child? What did She feel about my family, my friends, my jobs, my mates? What does want and need from me as my inner feminine? Who She is and what She wants is a huge part of who I am as a man. Really? Yeah, man, I feel it deeply.

There is a huge elephant in the collective room between the masculine and feminine as expressed in the physical between men and women. There are fascinating mirrors all around us when we engage in this aspect of shadow work that is meant to illuminate, heal, and integrate. This IS spiritual work. This is a deep, powerful awakening into our sacred humanity. The polarity can only be made truly whole by feeling the poles in their wounds and needs.

The feminine in men and women alike is like a genie in a bottle. It has been repressed, suppressed, sequestered, and protected. It holds the imprint of so many those that have been the most intimate to us in our lives such as mothers, sisters, relatives, friends, mates, etc. I am connecting to my feminine through the template of my sister that I have not explored deeply before. It is a fascinating exploration that is illuminating so much about my relationship to life, love, and relationship to others.

For men and women, this offers a profound brave new world that has effects in all areas of our lives. Most intimately it is the relationship we hold within ourselves where this is illuminated the most. As men (as well as the masculine in women), we have tended to negate our inner sensitivity and beauty which is really our inner feminine feeling that of herself. She holds that gift and has not been fully able to feel that from our masculine heart to hers. As her story unfolds, and her needs met, we are given a new look into what makes us truly masculine (and feminine too!). I will continue to write more about what I experience as well as what I get from the beautiful souls that I am serving that are on their own inner gender healing quest. Stay tuned…She is ready to be heard and seen.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

A Letter To Men, And To The Sacred Masculine: SoulFullHeart Weekly Museletter (Aug 13, 2018)

It’s the release of our weekly Museletter! Offering ALL of our writings, videos, events, healing offerings, and audio blogs for the week! Go here to read it!

This week’s Museletter is launched by a powerful piece written by SoulFullHeart Co-Creator, Facilitator, and Teacher, Raphael Awen. In this writing, he vulnerably shares about his latest process with a Metasoul brother (more on Metasoul here: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts) and his process of connecting with his own push-pull around serving men. He also digests some themes he feels are moving through all men in the collective:

“What holds any one of us back from our true and deep (even infinite) potential? Why would we settle for good enough, or worse, for ongoing suffering? Why would we believe, and then go on to manifest according to that belief, that this is ‘as good as it gets’?

…I write to men. I call to men. I write to the Sacred Masculine that lives in men and women alike. I declare my desire and readiness along with acknowledging at the same time my reticence to serve men, and this reticent Masculine; in order to serve my highest timeline. Nothing needs to be overcome or suppressed in order to achieve in these new arising domains of being, but instead lovingly embraced as the seed of our ever-present infinite being out experiencing a full drama of leaving and then returning to the fullness we always were and are, but couldn’t quite come to know and feel, until we enter this Now.”

Raphael, along with his beloved and SoulFullHeart Co-Creator/Facilitator/Teacher, Jelelle Awen, will be hosting a live stream Q & A tomorrow, Aug 18th, at 11:30am CDT on Jelelle’s Facebook feed and on our Youtube channel: SoulFullHeart Experience. Catch them live or on the recording, talking about the incoming Ascension energies and the processes going on right now too, as they also take your questions and comments.

There is a brand new guided meditation offering released this week as well, from SoulFullHeart Teacher/Facilitator/Heartist, Gabriel Heartman. It is a meditation offered to help you connect with the Inner Punisher part of you in order to begin a relationship with this part, get to know it, and start to love it as a part of you that needs you and your love to hold it.

There are a number of new writings offered this week from Gabriel, Kalayna, Raphael, and Jelelle, along with a few new audio recordings too. This week they digest the topics of the latest solar eclipse and the energies it offered; sacred union; and different ways to feel and digest your ongoing personal process.

You’ll find information about our five-day retreat happening here in beautiful, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico in November, 2018. You can read more about that here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/events

We all offer 1:1 90min Bridging Sessions to help boost and digest your Ascension process and feel with you what your next steps are towards your highest timeline possibilities. These sessions are available for $55 USD min. donation per session. More information can be found here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

We love to share our offerings with you and would enjoy to receive whatever heart donation in the form of money you feel that resonates with our offerings. You can go to our donation page for more info on how to donate: http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/donations

Thank you so much for your interest in and support of SoulFullHeart Way of Life! If you’d like to receive these Museletters directly and automatically in your email every week, you can subscribe on our website at: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/writingmuseletters

Check out the latest Museletter here.

The Precious Pearl Within

In the process of healing our hearts to prepare for the More and the Love, the More Love that is waiting outside the gates of our wounding, there lies a precious pearl in our midst. It lies in the heart of our inner child, both wounded and magical. In every session we have, the journey takes us to an event, a scene, that holds a powerful energy in a freeze-framed moment. The healing isn’t so much in reliving the experience(s), but to feel this child, this part of you, as a pearl within. It is you and yet not you at the same time. He is aching for the attention, the love, that he didn’t quite receive in his formative years. She is wanting to feel held and seen by a new energy. A version of a mother and/or father she didn’t get to experience this life.

By being felt and held in any of the trauma from a place of your higher heart, where the tears can flow and be transmuted into healing, you can begin to reveal the magic that is at the center of this crystal being. You begin to feel Love of this cherub that is loaded to the gills with passion and wonder. Creativity and sensitivity. They are the gateway to our imagination and our star seed wounding that holds so much pain of abandonment and rejection. Our separation from All That Is In Unity.

It is this 3D healing that leads to so much more in the maturation and evolution of our Christ Consciousness. They hold the keys our multidimensional chariot, our personal Merkaba. They are our vulnerability and our strength. They are part of the bridge to this New Earth we all keep talking about. So it is cave dive and rescue mission into our hard to feel places that removes this boy and girl from their looping scene and brings them into a frequency of more prolonged goodness as they sit in the comfort of your loving heart. They, in turn, offer you the gift of ‘seeing’ the world that it truly is and can be.

I feel guided to talk about this in my next live stream, hopefully, tomorrow morning, in regards to men and our inner boy, but I do invite women to come and participate as it easily applies to you as well. There are some differences that a very specific to men and I hope that other men are open to sharing their experiences to add to the discussion. This has been a very big one for me in my process and I have felt it in the process of so many others. Below is a picture of my inner/magical child Christopher for whom life is a discovery, a wonder, and a ton of fun. He is wanting to make more of a presence in my life and I so very much invite that in. I invite yours to join us tomorrow at 10am CDT. Looking forward to your sharing and questions.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The Journey Of Change Is Within

Within each moment there is the potential for something significant to happen that is unexpected by our veiled consciousness and yet “served to order” by our higher consciousness.

You are the boat, the sea, and the sky. You navigate the waters that were created by your own choosing. Talk to the sea. Feel the nature of the waves. Look to the heavens for guidance and direction. Use your God-given gift of curiosity and courage to embark on a journey of self-forgiveness, empowerment, and purpose instead of feeling like you are the play toy of The Universe in the midst of a storm you have self-lovingly chosen to ignore until it has become too much for your heart to endure.

Nothing that you created is beyond your power to change. The depth of your circumstance is only paled in comparison to the size of your soul that chose it. You will not change it overnight. There are no ‘silver bullets’ on the way back to Wholeness. There is pain to feel, choices to own, parts to love, risks to take, and stakes to claim.

You did not come here to watch the world go by. You chose this life to live…to ache…to grow…to ‘fuck up’…to learn…to Love…and repeat. This is your soul’s and heart’s calling. You chose humanity…now claim it with all that it has to offer in the next phase of your evolution as a conduit, creator, and conspirator for Love. Heal all that the world is needing you to heal so that you can BE what the world needs you to be…alive, aware, ascended in Love.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

On The Precipice Of Change Is Where Love Finds You

What do you long for?
What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?
What is it that you truly want to feel coursing through your veins when you wake up in the morning?
Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?
These are the penetrative questions that rumble the status quo of our current emotional and spiritual consciousness. I am being asked those questions of myself as I feel and heal old patterns within me that have taken me to the next leg of my inner quest and leadership.
When you feel like you begin to cycle on something, you have hit a ceiling. Actually, it is more like a membrane. It is not solid in reality. It only appears that way to a part of you that holds resistance to what lies on the other side. This ‘ceiling’ is actually the floor to the next level, the next chapter, of your ever-evolving growth and remembrance.
What you come to at that moment is a precipice. In front of you is a void that has no apparent stone to step on because a part of you afraid of what happens if there is nothing there to catch you. This has been a repeated part of my journey that is seeking an end. One where vulnerability, risk, and the fear of what occurs on the other side get to create the very steps that have appeared lacking yet there all along.
This suffering ceiling is what brought me to SoulFullHeart. It is what inspired me to say no more to what clearly was not working in my life at that time. It is what is inviting me to go to my next places, next steps that send me to higher heights, along with the fears of falling. There is a moment when you have to decide when the cycles end and the real loving begins. I ask again:
What do you long for?
What is seeking redemption, truth, forgiveness, and love?
What is it that you truly want to feel coursing in your veins when you wake up in the morning?
Who are you really and what the hell are you doing here?
The answers to those questions only come from going into your heart with curiosity, a mirror, and a guide. Wherever you find it, chose it and claim it one choice at a time. Your soul is ready as your heart may waver. That wavering is a universe of parts that have a lot to say and be held in. Feel them and you create a whole new world from the inside out. I offer my heart in service to that exploration of all that you are meant to be.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Recreating HIStory: Day 3- Atlas Loved

In my journeys inward I have connected with several different archetypes. Kings, knights, soldiers, warriors, artists, magicians, and many others that we all know about. These archetypes can be related to on a personal level as a part or an aspect of us that holds the specific emotional tone. In my last blog post, I connected with multiple warrior/soldier timelines, taking them from the battlefield and redirecting them to the lovefield of New Camelot.

There has been one archetype that has stood out quite a bit in my life and that has been Atlas. His story is one of rebellion against Zeus, and his consequence of holding up the heavens. It is the image of Atlas that holds the frequency of what feels so embedded in the male collective. It is also representative of the masculine in women as well. There is the energy of burden, consequence, responsibility, shame, guilt, control, and lack thereof. He seems to reflect the underbelly of what our inner protectors really feel when they get a chance to actually be felt.

As men, our inner Atlas has taken on numerous duties and obligations in the name of providing, repentance, and distraction. He bears the weight of our light and our shadow. He is a Titan that has been quarantined and sequestered as a result of his transgressions. These can show up in 3D life experiences and those in the metasoul. A deep sense of wrongdoing from a great inner punisher. He is destined to serve out his eternity in debt.

This service of debt is a karmic burden that weighs down the soul of man in his greatest expression in the service of love. Love for himself, for others, and the divinity within. He is in conflict with himself as he IS the stars and the cosmos. Atlas has been in this semi-frozen state for a very long time. He longs to be felt and released into our huMan heart. He embodies strength, courage, passion, and resilience without suffering in its purest form.

See him inside you. Imagine where he lies in your heart. Maybe hidden away in a far-off land or maybe front, center, and undeniable. Look into his eyes and let him into your heart. What does he say to you? What does he not say to you? Maybe he just needs you to be present in his Jesus Christ Pose. Your willingness to be there and feel is what helps him to let go. To give you his fears and his reasons. There is something so powerfully beautiful about this ‘broken’ man.

Feel him as separate from you, yet a part of you just the same. He can put down the World he has created in the name of Love. The World that was never his to begin with but was assumed over time. Be with the tears, the pain, the guilt, the fear. Let the flood of your love and the Love of the Heavens reign down upon him, and hold the axis upon which his shoulders once rested. Fold him into the bosom of your feminine and begin the healing of so much Time.

In his recovery he will arise as the center of all that you had forgotten was You all along. Let that be a sacred healing that extends to all the hearts and souls of men everywhere. He will need to reconcile with his Punisher, but for now, he needs to let in all that he received from your courage and grace. Atlas no longer shrugged. Atlas loved.


Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

The New Man Card


Entering my twenties I learned that there was some odd man code that included a figurative card that apparently could be taken away from me at a moment’s notice by the random judgement of another ´man´ based on said code.  While joking in manner to some degree, it held a lot of information about what constitutes masculinity within the collective consciousness.  This is a very 3D memory but it feels important to recall as it had an effect on a part of me growing up aching for what true masculinity was about. The impetus behind this phenomenon feels rooted in the deep need for the wounded boy to be accepted by a father who couldn’t accept or love himself in a way that would transact real love in between him and his son. To be shown the doorway to his authentic masculine heart.  

How much of this affects the way we hold our spirituality and our relationship to the feminine?  Both of which are inextricably entwined.  In what ways are we not accessing the fullest bandwidth of our expression as sacred human males?  To that I can only answer we burn the card at the gateway of our vulnerability and walk through it with the open question of what our most authentic manhood looks and feels like.  What old memes and programs still exist in us that hold court over our truth and emotions?  In what ways are we holding back or fearing the change that is ready to take us to new levels of empowerment and relationship?

All these answers lie inside the relationship to our deepest fears and pains.  Instead of being held and controlled by them, we hold that we are bigger than them in a compassionate way that doesn’t look to railroad over them or fix them, but to own and love them.  This is a difficult yet rewarding place to go as it frees up all the energy that stuck inside this exceptional male body in all its forms.

What can begin to arise is a new Man code with a new card that is in service of the Love that has been let in in the letting go.  The card now states that there is no revocability by no one other than the card holder.  It stays in good standing for as long as one has an open heart and can bring all their truth in any way that holds it may not be right, but it is never wrong in its realness.  That with the strength of courage and willingness to feel it will always be valid among the sacredness of brotherhood.  This new card is a reminder of what once was and is now on its way to BEcoming.  I look forward to connecting with those that are seeking an emergence of the new and what that may offer both of us in our journey of ascension.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.