Author: Gabriel Amara

I am a facilitator and space-holder for SoulFullHeart Healing and Community. I serve both men and women in their healing journey to embody more of their Sacred Humanity and Divine Self in all areas of life. My blog is meant as a bridge to the process and paradigm. For more information, please visit soulfullheart.org.

My Heart Is Here To Serve

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My heart is here to serve.

It was not a pretty sight about 10-12 years ago. I found myself in situations that felt like bottoms of barrels. A merry-go-round of anxiety, depression, and inner-punishment all while having the exterior of ‘having it all together’.

I found myself using alcohol, speed, and pornography as some sort of escape only to find myself deeper in the mud of Unworth. The maintenance of a ‘normal’ life was wearing thin and cracks were forming. I felt myself losing grip of a life of passion and joy. A part of me resigning to suffering as a way of life.

When I began my own journey with SoulFullHeart I was just looking for a means to find inner peace and a way to support myself doing something meaningful. What it turned out to be was much more. It was a calling back to Self and Service. And there I have found my roots.

The process of meeting and feeling the parts of me, stuck in what felt like a never-ending pattern of unworth and suffering, was a huge heart-opening as well as eye-opener. I started to see the ways in which I was creating a bifurcated world inside of myself. Love was some novel concept that you could see or read about, but not fully feel in my being.

As I have continued down this path of selves-discovery through parts work, and soul-awakening through Metasoul work, I have come to a new frontier in my life previously held in the shadow of my consciousness. We don’t always hide the ‘ugly’, but many times the beauty.

It has been through all my deep movements and initiations (that I didn’t realize were initiations), that I have found myself in sacred desire to serve. Serve those that feel connected my words, my heart, and my past. I may not have had quite the traumas others have had but my journey has taught me that I have a well of compassion, care, and curiosity…the three elements for this work.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are hard places to go. There are challenges and difficulties. If we are called to heal and grow, this is the real and true path. Some of our parts weren’t baked from a Holly Hobby Oven, but rather from the grist of karma. This is the nature of our individual human story.

In all of that, there needs to be a sense of safety and trust. This is why we meet the Inner Protector first so that we get to feel and heal these places with permission and grace. I work WITH you, not for you. Ultimately, you are the sovereign in any session, I just open my heart and ask questions, offering intuitions along the way. Well, not JUST. Opening the heart is part of what I have worked so hard to get to. It is the fruit of my own inner labour. Now I want to share that fruit.

I have worked mostly with women and have had so many amazing experiences. Lots of growth for both of us. I have an affinity to work with the feminine as I have a close relationship with my own. I am guided by the Magdalene lineage of service.

I desire to serve men as well in their ache to find their own mark in the world through a sensitive and caring heart. I have been through my own sacred masculine journey and continue to do so. I am working with Raphael Awen monthly and will be offering Men’s Group calls and videos talking about men, healing, and spirituality. It is a deep calling to serve men into their Highest Heart and SoulFire Self.

I offer a free 45-minute introductory call to see how I may serve you in your healing into self-love and SoulFire. It is also to see if it is even a fit for both of us at this time. SoulFullHeart is a specific paradigm that is more than just a therapy or healing modality. It is a way of life in the end. Yet, that can be discovered and felt one session at a time.

I look forward to this landing in the heart or hearts that it is meant to. If you know someone in need, please send them this contact. I am blessed to be a part of this community of journeyers, healers, and leaders. I am honored to be a part of your journey and healing as well.

Much love to you whether we work together or not. We are all in this together. πŸ™‚

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator.Β  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Loving The ‘Ugly Duckling’ Within

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β€œWhy do I feel so unlovable?”, this part of me says. β€œWhy do I feel so ugly?”

β€œWho told you you were unlovable and ugly?”, I reply with compassionate curiosity.

β€œI don’t remember. There are just voices. Whispers in the wind.”, he says.β€œI don’t see you as ugly or feel you as unlovable. I feel you needing a reflection of Love so you can see and feel what you truly are. Is that hard to let in?”, I ask.

β€œIt is. You can show me and yet the wind comes. Changes the reflection somehow. I wish that wasn’t true.”, he says as his head looks down.

β€œIt’s okay, dear one. I will stay here every day, every minute, every second until you see the real you. The you that I see and feel. The you that doesn’t hold court for the whispers anymore. I will be patiently persistent because I love you. Always…and in all ways.”, I tell him as he looks up with tears in his eyes.

β€œI would like to see and feel that someday soon. It has always seemed so hard. So permanent. Like nothing can ever change and I will always be like this. I get that I have allowed this perception to persist as reality. I have not felt strong enough to choose otherwise. Maybe with you here with me, reminding me, showing me, feeling me, I can change how I see myself the way you see me. Thank you. I needed this. I may need it in an hour.”, he says with his head down again.

β€œThen in an hour I shall be here too.”

There are times when a part of us just feels β€˜ugly’. I don’t just mean the physical kind but the behavioral and emotive kind. These are times we feel small and want to hide away from the world. It can feel like quicksand and get stuck in a loop.
When you can feel this as a β€˜part’ of you then you can start to access a different flow of energy from Divine love source through you to this part of you. A stream of Love through consciousness.

Like the part of me said above, β€œI may need it in an hour”, then an hour I shall be there. It is an ongoing process of feeling and showing up that leads to healing and eventually a sense of liberation from the β€œvoices in the wind”.

This is a practice at first and then just a way of being with yourself that is just natural and consistent. It is the alchemy of self-to-self love as well as Divine-to-self love. The transmutation from the duckling to the swan. The wounded ego to the Divine Self. All held in love and compassion, not self-improvement. Just self-feeling.

If you are wanting/needing to feel this alchemy within you to support you in your flourish, please contact me for a free intro call to see how the SoulFullHeart process can hold space for that connection and transformation.

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator.Β  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Catharsis Of Soul Scream

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Soul scream….

Hidden and lurking within can be an angst, an anger, a frustration so profound it can rock your world both inside and out.
We are all holding so much inside. Each one of us. Some more or less than others but it is all part of our journeys. Healing sometimes will bring you to the next layers of your soul pain.

This pain from an infinite variety of trauma is stored in the vaults of your soul to be opened and felt when the time is right. When there enough You there to hold it and love it.

Let it rip can be cathartic. It can also be a portal. To release the scream can bring relief, feeling and understanding where it comes from and why it is there can bring transmution and integration.

This Soul Scream can come from repressed truth, witnesses or experienced injustice, Kundalini surges/awakening, and veil lifting. It may be an essential part of our ascension to be intimate and vulnerable with this inner angst.

It holds power, creativity, alchemy, passion, and authentic voice. It is your hidden Real Self coming into contact with the Present. It is gather its sea legs in this dimension and reconciling the trauma and pain.

This is not easy or fun, but it may be necessary to move onto the next phase of growth and healing. When held in safe space such as community and nature it can have life-altering effects.

If you are feeling these rumbles and would like to feel into them more, please feel free to contact me for a free intro call to see how the SoulFullHeart process may support you in this integration and birthing.

*****

Aurius Amara is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

New Chapter, New Name

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If we live in Story, then I have begun a new chapter. Or maybe I am the beginning of a whole new book! Either way something is ending as it is beginning.

I have gone by Gabriel Heartman for 4 years. It has become almost a branding to me in some ways. I love seeing people call me Heart-Man. That has been a deep encoding in me. I feel Gabriel as my King of Hearts, more Water and Air. He was the one married to Kalayna, the former name of my beloved Kasha Rokshana.

I am now desiring to move into more Fire with compassion. More Mr. Real Guy and less Mr. Nice Guy. A King of Swords and a King of Wands wants to become more embodied. A King to this beautiful Queen that has re-emerged in my life.

So on that note, I have been playing with a name change. It signifies something for me. A marker of transformation. I could keep Gabriel and just feel like a new me, but there is a truth to the spell-ing that casts a spell. It transmits and energizes.

In my meditations, I have come to hear Aurius (ar-ri-us) many times. It came to me as the name of a guide years ago. It feels historical and galactic. I have asked my beloveds to call me it for a week now and it is going into me deeper.

As a last name, I am going by a more feminine Amara. The name means β€˜Grace’ in an African language. It is also the name of my first feminine guide/aspect. It’s roots stem from Mary and Mariam of Magdalene lineage which appeals to me.

Aurius Amara.

Nothing legal being done, cuz who knows who I become next! If anything, Life is about Play. We knew this once and then β€˜grew up’. So now I am going back to play and I choose to change my name, or maybe I let the name choose me! Either way, I will do it officially tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone who has followed Gabriel Heartman the last four years. It has been an initiation and a joy to be of service under that name. I hope you will continue to stick around and be inspired by Aurius Amara.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Great Reconiliation

Published on by Gabriel Amara2 Comments

My, there is a lot moving and shaking going on in consciousness right now! I feel this Great Reconciliation between the Heart and the Head, the Masculine and the Feminine, the Dark and the Light going on right now. In that process of Reconciliation it appears that there is a great polarity being drawn to the surface to look at and determine where we want to go with that.

There was a great polarity happening here amongst us as a family/community that has taken each of us to new places inside that have had unforeseen, yet not surprising, results such as reunion and deepening between souls and the Divine Beloved Itself.

The veils and/or compartments that have been holding Truth and Love at bay are starting to crumble. I can feel how parts of me have identified with those veils and walls. The crumble can create a rumble inside. It takes more effort to suppress that to express now. If that is the case, more Truth will come to the surface all over and that can be messy and scary.

I feel how the Masculine polarity has held a large swath of territory in consciousness. With the Feminine pole coming into balance, it can feel to the masculine that it is being sieged or devoured. Losing its control hold and its identity in a way. Yet what I feel from the Feminine is an Embracing. An Invitation back into Wholeness. It can look like a devouring from a certain perspective. But this whole process is inevitable. It IS happening…

I feel a brotherhood of men that are wanting to be a part of the Great Reconciliation inside and out. There are Knights and Kings of Heart that are seeking to balance these energies inside even if they are not consciously aware of it. This may be coming out in depression, anxiety, or frustration. He doesn’t know what the fuck is up and the default consciousness may be fear or violence toward self and other.
In this process, I feel the Feminine can assist by claiming her own needs, follow her own heart’s desires and intuition, and heal the polarity of the Masculine within. The bond with the Beloved is the shelter in the storm of the rumbles for us all. It takes us to the other side of the other side.

I am here to offer my heart to those that are feeling that desire for inner reconciliation and a return to Balance and Wholeness within. I feel compassion and care for all men that are struggling with so many emotions and circumstances. There is a path to health and inner prosperity and joy. Please do keep me bookmarked in your heart as someone who wants to help. I have been through many Dark Nights and rounds of addictions and despair.

Sending much love to all humanity in this process of Reconciliation.

******

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.Β  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

Into The Ring Of SoulFire

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β€œIf your beloved has the life of a fire, step in now and burn along”
~ Rumi

This past month has been a whirlwind. Completions, separations, polarizations, realizations, communications, and reconciliations. It has been a sacred fire that has burned, illuminated, and alchemized the sacred union inside and out.

The re-union of Jelelle and Taliesin (Raphael) sent a wave of energy that sparked a lot of emotion that was attached to a big structure within myself that was a veil to my deepest need, desire, and truth. It was a way that I have related to them, others, and myself that has just lost traction and use. I am finding another layer of my True North and SoulFire.

I woke up digesting our last Monday group gathering and realized that my heart still had a huge compartment with Kasha’s name written all over it. We were not reconciled somehow. Something was not β€˜done’ within me. We needed to divorce. We needed to go our own ways. We needed to come back together in service, and we needed to roll out a β€˜friendship’. But that all came tumbling down when the SuperNova Sacred Union codes came into our fields this week,

I can’t shake what this woman does to me and for me! We hold keys for each other and a deep well of Love for and with each other. We have both done a lot of inner work the past 8 years and have had our ins and outs, and ups and downs.

We have a lot to continue to digest about all of that. It is a scary place to go back in and face all of those things and the places we had feared to tread between us, but the draw is undeniable. I love her. I need her. I want to serve love with her. So as Rumi said, into the Fire we go!

We have our challenges and our ease. We have something that is in need of deep exploration and illumination. She is my Divine Feminine expression embodied. I get to see and feel myself in a deeper way through her. She gets to do the same. We get to feel the Beloved with us, through us, as us, and serve from there. This is our deepest desire and mission.

Many of you have been around our past iterations and may not be the least bit surprised. It was both surprising and not for us as we just know this soul story somehow, yet we get to create a new one together on blank pages while rereading the previous chapters and taking notes for the next.

I am blessed to be writing this with you, Kasha. Ecstatic and terrified both! Yet I believe in my heart we both have enough inside of us to keep going in and keep getting as real as we can to cultivate more of that Love we are meant to serve to the world. I have thrown my hat into that Ring of Fire. Now time to see where that takes us next.

I love you…

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.Β  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Depth Of Our Soul Cry

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Soul cry….

Tender tears. Feeling loss. Feeling change. Feeling what could have been… if only. Feeling the suffering and pain of so many timelines and other souls in the Now.

It is personal. It is global. It is collective. It is the longing and the ache of harmony. The longing for communication between hearts and souls that may be unresolved for fear of seeing and feeling our hidden pain and shadow.

Soul Cry runs deep. This time last year I was alone for my upcoming birthday. It was a grueling experience to feel that complete alone-ness from a part of me. Yet all I could do is create space for it. Call out to the Divine for holding and Grace. It was a loss of family to my parts that led me to my Inner Orphan. The separated God-baby within. The connection through the flood of pain was a life-line over the days and weeks that followed. I tapped into the separation wound that helped me begin my way back Home by bringing my Orphan back into my Heart.

This year I will not be alone, but it will be different. Family/community is sorting and shifting. There is sadness, yet there is a trust and a grace that will never go away from that experience last year. There is Grand Sorting out underway for us all. Between the masculine and the feminine, good and evil, us and them. It is duality seeking harmony, but that is a messy business.

I feel SoulCry leads us to our most profound experience of Life. It is the rain that clears the sky so that we can see the depth of our true nature as Love Itself. We are not Alone because we are All-one. So the experience I had last year was a personal yet collective aching and calling out to Love. To feel loved. To be loved. To become Love.

When we hear about men, women, and children being abused and treated like commodities in a most Unholy way, underneath the Rage is SoulCry. It is the realization that there is a deep rift in Love’s ocean floor. A place where we dare not tread for it encapsulates our deepest ache and fear of separation from the Holy. To go into the cry is to not get lost in it or to suffer in it, but to feel the textures of it when it does come. It can be lost or tortured soul aspects that are seeking the light of your Essence and the warmth of your heart.

It is usually after the resting of the SoulTire that SoulCry may come into the space. Your soul may have been busy in fighting and searching for so long that it has glossed over the deeper pain. That is understandable and even self-loving. Yet there are times we are brought to SoulCry when it just runs out of steam for anything else. It is like letting a tap open on a reservoir, it doesn’t have to be knocked down completely. Though sometimes it just happens that way. Your life preserver is the feeling and the crying.

On the other side of the SoulCry is a new land. There is clarity. There is a new relationship to Life. There is a new awareness of the Power of Love and how we can be an ambassador of it to the Dark, for the Darkness is what gives Love its purpose. Your SoulCry is a part of your SoulFire. How we relate to it, permit it, and hold it changes us and the world profoundly.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Tired Soul

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Soul tired…

When the fire of my soul was lit up a couple of days ago what happened was an illumination of shadow and darkness. How could it not? Think of what happens when you are walking in a cave and you light your torch. You see all the nooks and crannies of the cave walls, the ground you have been walking on, and the unseeable places ahead. You find yourself in the catacombs of your soul, of the Self.

Like the proverbial β€˜moths to a flame’ come the very things that are in need of healing and that Light of Love you just sparked up. The wounds, the memories, the buried β€˜treasures’ of your soul’s story. You have become the explorer as well as the ambassador to that very LoveLight you are carrying in your heart.

When the wave of wounding came up I could feel the Soul Tire. The weariness of the suffering and pain that aspects of me have been in. This suffering can be held by parts of us until it becomes too much for them to bear. We need to go into the Soul to get a broader and deeper vision of what is holding this Soul tiredness.

This has been an ongoing part of my journey as it has felt like a spiral staircase many times. β€œHaven’t I been here before?” Yes, I have. But each time the density of the β€˜air’ I am walking through is thinner and thinner. Less time is being spent there. I would come upon a judgement of myself that I am here again. That as a healer, space-holder, and a desired mate I need to be β€˜over’ this already.

Yet, I just keep hearing from my guides that this is all part of being a human ascending. It is a process and it takes the route it takes. The judgement just makes it take longer. Maybe that is needed until it isn’t anymore. It is how we respond to the spiral that moves it further along.

The Soul Tire needs our attention and a safe place to land. It is a place within where the Soul Fire is less of a raging inferno but rather a crackling warmth from the hearth of the Divine. It is an etheric ICU or less-dramatically an Inn in the middle of a long journey that provides the comforts of Home. A place to recover and to fill up on Love.

The quest of the soul can be seen and felt as a Trail of Tears and Fears, or it can become the beginning of something profoundly beautiful that we have convinced ourselves is a distant or fairy-tale land. That choice is ultimately up to us. As above, so below.

So this day, maybe this week, I rest. I feel. I love all the aspects of me that need to come into my hearth. It has been a long road for them and it is time to shorten the distance by bringing them into Presence. To let the Soul Tire become a thing of the past as it is held by the SoulFire.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Illumination Of SoulFire

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SoulFire…

It is coming into me and causing all sorts of rumblings, intentions, and reactions. It is a flame that is always with us. It cannot be extinguished at its core. It is Eternal and Internal. It is what keeps us going and can also keep parts of us suffering due to its inextinguishable nature.

In its leading edge, SoulFire is passion with purpose and deep meaning. It is unstoppable in its quest for service, in creativity, in expression, in construction, and deconstruction. It burns away what is not alignment and illuminates what is.

HOW this is done comes from the Heart. SoulFire can burn and hurt. It can have consequences that were unintended but necessary for it to flourish. We can own the fallout of those consequences with our compassion and vulnerability. In that process, Love is not lost, it is just reconfigured and transformed.

There can be an inner struggle for many of us to access and maintain this SoulFire. There are many layers of protection and doubt that may come in to dull or put out this fire, for very good reason. Our SoulFire may have a history of collateral damage. Maybe even a graveyard. The Shadow of SoulFire may be a grim one. But it is also a powerful change agent. A servant of Love in many forms.As we live through a most unprecedented time in our modern history, we are facing circumstances and information that can throw a wet blanket on this fire. It can make it REALLY hard to see and feel. You may see others who have it and may compare and judge yourself for the lack or inaccessiblity. This may put parts of you into a despair or suffering loop. This has been my pattern for a big portion of my life. It found its way into my field just last night.

Then I felt the voice of my SoulFire come into the space this morning. WOOOSH! β€œFuck no! Time out. This is NOT who you are or are meant to be. You have wounding, yes. You have more to transmute into Love. BUT you are not this loop, this suffering, this voice. You are a man on a mission for Love. For Liberation. For Heaven on Earth. You are bigger than what you can imagine and that scares the shit out of parts of you. So let’s be with that WHILE you set yourself ablaze with SoulFire. That holds the space for the reactions rather than becoming them. It transmutes them back to Love and into Purpose, just in time to get back to work!”

Well. Okay then! That voice has helped me move to my next phases of growth and service. I feel how so many are afflicted with this same dynamic and I really want to serve that going forward. I know it so damn intimately. Almost too intimately in the past, but that is what qualifies me to serve it. SoulFire is what I came here on this planet to embody and to serve.

I look forward to the next leg of this journey into my SoulFire expression and how and what it manifests. This has been born from all that has been going on in the world so there is gratitude for that. The Light many times can only be seen in the Dark. Here’s to you finding your SoulFire in the eye of the storm. And, as always, I am here to support you on that quest should you feel the need for that holding, healing, and witnessing.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.Β  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.

The Crossroads At The Conjunction Solstice

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I admit that I do not have a lot of β€˜this life’ knowledge of astrology and astronomy to get the full breadth of what this upcoming Solstice/Conjunction means from those set of glasses. I FEEL the epicness of it. I feel it in myself and what has been happening around me in community, in others processes, and my own journey of Becoming.

In all of that, I witness great opporTUNEity. An attunement to what we truly are as sacred humans, not just pawns in a sycophantic chess match of fear. In the beginning of this whole drama that is playing itself out, I could feel a sense of a bifurcation. At first, it came as some literal, external process but of course it is really just a projection of what is happening within each of us.

I have been feeling a β€˜crossroads’ or β€˜forks in the road’ in my meditations. One that is paved with Fear, and the other with Love. The Fear Path is one that is clear and yet subtle at the same time. On that path, I see Guilt as a huge influencer in decisions and choices. Guilt keeps us from really choosing what is in our best and highest interest. Another influencer is Unworth. Do we feel that we are worthy and deserving of Love and all it wants to invite us into in our courage, desire, and inner knowing?

As we move into and through these con-junctions, the support and the intensity both increase. We are supported to make choices, yet parts of us can struggle with them. Choices of letting go of old patterns of relating to others, ourselves, and the world. When we get to the root of our needs and wants, the choices become clearer and the rumbles get louder. We are called into choosing a road, grieving the old, and trusting in the uncertain New.

What I feel the Conjunction brings us is the Courage to go into the Unknown of Mind and the Known of Heart. The clearer we are about what serves our heart and soul, the clearer we are about how to serve from that heart and soul. Fusing to our smallness, our fear, our unworth will amplify the suffering. It is time to go into the birth canal of our choice and feel the fear along the way.

We are leaving it behind by feeling it. Grieving with it. Dying and birthing with it. Love is both a death doula and a birth doula. I have been bridging this within myself from part to part, aspect to aspect through Divine holding, connecting with Yeshua, and leaning and learning from my community. I see and feel the future inside of myself. I can taste this Golden Earth when I turn off the static and tune into Soul. It lives Here Now within each of us.

We are presented with challenges as this ascension train continues on its foretold path. Those challenges are met from the inside out and then put into practice in this training ground we have all co-created. What a spectacle of Love when you can see it from that perspective! We are all seeking love even in what may feel in the darkest of times. There is support in so many ways for you to reach for should you feel the need. Consider myself and SoulFullHeart as one of those. This is what we have come here to do and be in this world.

Sacred humans rising and loving.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and Collaborator.  Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about sessions, group calls/events, videos, community, etc.