Vulnerable Sharing From A Moment Of Deep Tears

by Kalayna Solais

Crying in the moment and I can’t 100% track it, what’s going on behind the tears… but, I thought I’d share and see what is coming through my heart in this moment. Take you along with me. 

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Sometimes there is just so much sadness that comes up in me. It’s not always linked to what I’ve gone through or am going through now. It’s not always connected to an inner process.

Sometimes it just IS. And there are so many layers to it… some of them mine, some of them not so much.

The deeper I feel it… the more I feel the sadness of a part of me coming up, but a sadness in my soul in a ‘Cries of the World’ kind of way, too.

My empath has been becoming even more sensitive than ever lately. The sense of needing the same masculinized protection inside has been healing for years. It’s time to have a more exposed, feeling, feminine heart that doesn’t need protection but needs to vulnerably share and deeply feel.

Beginning new things is always something sensitive for the younger, very feminine parts of me that care so much about being liked, being accepted, doing well… and also care SO much about others, about helping others heal, about having resonant relationships where there is genuine care, and about seeing this world we live in becoming more gentle, more open-hearted and caring, more compassionate, and ultimately much, much safer to live and breathe and emote and LOVE in.

There’s still a lingering sadness in my feminine that my last relationship is over. There’s still a way that it’s just HARD to see the growth that couldn’t happen while we were together. And there’s still so much confusion as to why this has been true. I can feel this aspect’s confusion though… her pain around relating to men in general that some of it stems from and how this relates to her relationship to my masculine inside.

When it comes to men, it’s just been SO hard to try and become what she isn’t in order to get loved, feel wanted, and belong to the man’s world. Often this has meant sacrificing something of herself for the sake of the relationship and keeping it kosher. And over the last couple of months of inner process between her and my masculine aspect(s) I’ve become more awakened to how this dynamic has lived inside of me. How he has caretaken something in her which has kept her small and how she has not been able to vulnerably invite him to actually feel her and meet her halfway in any area so that they can feel each other and really, genuinely BE together in collaboration, mutual respect for each other’s bigness, and LOVE.

So there’s that going on in this ‘now’ moment. And it doesn’t need solving or resolving… just more feeling. There’s definitely some other layer of this inner relationship coming up for me to tenderly feel with these aspects, more push-pull towards each other.

Some of the tears aren’t mine, so there’s that layer too. I don’t mind moving the ‘Cries of The World’ through my heart though. I actually feel honoured when I feel them and when I feel others and their genuine pain. This doesn’t plague me or bother me. The ‘Death Doula’ inside of me can be with the mourning and the sadness and even the frustrations. The frustrations through, because I don’t have many of my own anymore, especially in my masculine aspect, quickly move into the more vulnerable feelings of sadness that are beneath them.

Questions of “Why isn’t there more love flow in this world yet and heart warmth too?”; “Why are Disclosure people so intense still and not seeing how any focus on warfare exacerbates the problems instead of moves it all into new territory?”; “Why aren’t more souls choosing to REALLY go inward yet?”

As I feel my heart ask these questions, I know the answer already… “It’s not yet time… but it will be eventually. And the only thing YOU can do is keep going inward, keep feeling, keep sharing, and keep growing and healing, as you also respond to those who ARE ready”.

So, there it all is… different raw layers coming up on this early, EARLY Friday morning. 

I don’t often share this way because it seems to draw caretaking from others sometimes. I’m sharing this today to show how I process, the different layers I feel going on in so many moments of deep feeling, and I trust that what is meant to resonate and support your own process, will. 

Thank you so much for taking this in as you feel to for yourself. 

***

Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

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Completing Our Sacred Union Romance

By Gabriel & Kalayna Solais

From Gabriel ~ 

This is a hard post to write for many reasons. It signals the completion of something that has been a big part of my journey the past six years so there is mourning. It opens up to the vulnerability of what is real and moving for me in transparency. All of this is held with Love and Grace.

Recently I felt a need for Kalayna and I to take some physical space to feel into some deeper layers that have been some core issues between us for some time. We had been having a hard time connecting on a deeper level and could feel some much needed heart exploring and feeling to get to a root of something.

The fear was always that we could wind up finding out what has been eluding us that may not be reconcilable. Something baked in our dynamic that had a time stamp. We have been down this road a few times and eventually we needed to complete to go back into our own processes. Each time though we came back with new awareness and foundations.

However, this time we have had to admit through deep tears and some frustrations, that this romance needs to complete for its last time. The last chapter of a volume that comprises our larger story. It was not an easy choice to make considering we did just get married. I knew that there were things we had to go into but I wanted to do that while wed to her, because that is how I saw her. That is how I wanted to remember what we had. That she was my wife. My partner. My beloved mate in this wild ride of ascension.

The reasons run deep and wide. We have many differences between us that are hard to reconcile. In our solo processes and sessions with Jelelle and Raphael, we realized that what we have is meant in a different context. One that doesn’t have romantic ties but ties that run deep nevertheless. I have found that I need a space to access more of who I am to myself and in intimacy. I have work to do just as any other ascending human man. Kalayna came to a very similar conclusion for herself.

So many timelines and stories have needed to collapse and complete so that I can open up more to the Love that wants to occur from me to me, me to the Divine, and me to Other. This is an ebb and flow of clarity and tears. I hold this just as sacred as when I got married. This time I am marrying/integrating more of myself that had been put aside in the name of the Usness that just wasn’t meant to be in this way.

In all of this, the one thing that has always held firm and true is that my love for Kalayna is real. So much so that I need to let go so that she can arise and draw what her deepest heart needs. The same is true from her to me. This death and rebirth is a part of what we signed up for and it has been one of the biggest ones to date for me.

Thank you for taking this in to your heart and holding it with reverence. I will answer any questions you may have. I appreciate all the love and support you gave us during our time together and feel blessed to have been a recipient of it. I feel held in all of this by Divine Love. There is no one else I could have walked this out the way we have at this time then Kalayna. Thank you so much Kalayna for everything you were, are, and will continue to be.

From Kalayna ~

It’s been 6 years.

6 years of friendship, of off-and-on romance, of deep connections together on all levels: soul, heart, body, and mind.

And now something so sacred to us both is deeply completing.

We have navigated life together in so many different ways and phases… we’ve pressed forward into plans, launched ourselves into the unknown, met new parts of ourselves and each other, felt new Metasoul aspects of ourselves that are connected to one another and some that aren’t or don’t seem to be too. I’ve grown so much because of being with this amazing man… and the recent choice to become ‘married’ and to deepen in Sacred Union really gave me the gift of a longtime wish I had inside to marry HIM specifically. The fulfillment of a dream, truly. And I couldn’t have asked for a better man to have been my first true, deep, resonant love.

It’s been about a month now of process within myself while taking space from the relationship and altogether separating from Gabriel. I’ve been feeling what the tendrils were that parts of me had with him and so much of that is still unfolding.

It’s been very tender and raw to feel, but it’s time to complete our marriage, our coupleship, our 6 year cycle of going IN together in different ways, always wondering about being together romantically, ‘completing’ romantic phases without them feeling really complete. Now it feels like the romance actually IS complete. I’m realizing and letting in that the ground we’ve had together, though made and built upon with SO much deep resonance and goodness on ALL levels, is a ground that isn’t nourishing in the deeper ways we both would need for it to continue, the way I need it to be to continue…. I’m seeing how in our time spent apart recently, I’ve had more self-discoveries happen inside of myself than I did in much of our romance together, at a new depth that I had forgotten in some ways was possible and also needed personally.

You can imagine how profound and emotional this whole process of letting go of this relationship has been for my heart and soul. So many of you have taken in videos, writings, live streams with us co-leading and I’m still so grateful I got to do that with him. We even recently led a few in-person meditation circles here in Victoria and that was alive and nurturing too, a new taste of my own leadership and my leadership with a mate too (another lifelong dream of mine that still remains and likely always will). I’ve been really feeling it and really letting in the mega timeline shift this has been and how needed this is right now through the tears, the mourning, the frustrations and even the resentments towards him that surface sometimes in parts/Metasoul aspects of mine.

In this whole process I’ve felt wrecked, hopeful, despairing, and then newly alive as I feel some emerging possibilities for myself outside of our bond in service, in personal healing, in future possibilities for my life in all areas. I’ve felt parts of me that don’t want to leave this relationship or complete it, and then felt ME coming up in a new way to be with what’s real and to feel what really does need to complete here for my sake and his. It’s time to come home to ME in a new way…

There’s nothing in me that doesn’t want to be connected to Gabriel somehow… and we both know so well the ground of sacred friendship that we can and DO have together. In some ways, these transaction grounds on a friendship level are just easier for us with so many gaps between us in life and soul experience that just aren’t as bridgeable in a romance as parts of me were hoping they would be.

The promise of Sacred Union is that you will grow… not that you will stay together romantically forever, especially if the bond cannot be kept alive and lively, renewing and rebooting. This has been our experience in the last 6 years of knowing each other and being together in different ways for different phases, and it feels like this last phase of romantic exploration HAS been the deepest we could go in this lifetime while in Sacred Union together.

I knew when we got married recently, that this was a step I needed and wanted to take with him, no matter how long it would last. In a sense it actually feels like we’ve been married for as many as 10 years, let alone just a few months, especially with all of the new realizations coming through that could only really be coming through because of the ground and history I’ve experienced with him. My process is calling me to keep moving forward and onward, as sad as it still feels to be moving on without him by my side…

I so welcome any questions or comments you may have…

Much love to you all… thank you for being a Sacred part of our journey.

****

Gabriel Solais is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s Facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women, emoto-spiritual teacher, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess. 

Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Energy Update: Heightened Solar/Lunar Energies Offer Balance

By Jelelle Awen

SOULar wind speeds have been high lately, close to 600 km/sec the last two days. With winds THIS high, anything you are experiencing seems to be amplified. The highs and the blisses. The ‘lows’ and the messes. The fluctuations of emotions created by the waves and movements in between the two. If you are taking in denser, harder, more difficult energy it may feel like it is more challenging to move it out and return to your ‘normal’ flow. OR you may be feeling that you just are much more sensitive to the energies and frequencies around you.

These higher winds bring in SOULar frequencies of sacred masculine activations and continual UPgrades on all levels. That seemingly growing coronal ‘hole to make us whole’ (as I like to call it) is releasing SOULar energies and the winds bring them into Gaia and us….also creating some active, in this moment, geomagnetic storms. The geomagnetics seem to work on/impact our INNER poles too, creating a shift toward ultimately MORE balance on all levels and all bodies – physical, emotional, hormonal, social, mental.

Gaia’s frequency responds to these geomagnetics with spikes and pulses upward too in the last few days especially. If you are used to ‘grounding’ into Gaia’s frequency, this continues to be a fluctuating experience as her frequency moves up and down in new ways.

The FULL moon offers another aspect of amplification….this time by the Divine Feminine frequencies of lunar love. We know full moons are coming every single month, yet where we are in our personal journeys/processes can be impacted by these frequencies in varying ways each time. The feminine is about coming into more BEing, more stillness, more FEELING…being real about what you are feeling and not denying the pain/suffering/unhappiness that is there in the heart and soul. The feminine holds the space for traumas from this life and other timelines (your Metasoul/Higher Self Source) to be responded to with compassion and self love. The feminine doesn’t deny emotion, yet rather INVITES it in with vulnerability and compassionate accountability.

In the journey toward balance INside of masculine and feminine is the feeling and experiencing what is currently OFF balance. These kinds of heightened energies invite the feeling INside of your inner masculine (usually the part that we call your Protector) and how he relates with ALL parts of you, esp. your feminine. Deep polarization can exist between these parts of you and much tension too. These SOULar/Lunar energies can illuminate that tension…..as can this polarization be reflected in relationships too with others. If you are experiencing heightened difficulties and conflicts in relationships with others, this is offering you a need to explore/discover how these frequencies exist from within you.

Relationships INside and outside are wanting to come into balance, into resonance, into transactability. The previous cycles and patterns of conflicting, disconnecting, not being in alignment, avoiding and denying, codependence……these are wanting to shift and heal. As you feel how these patterns in relationships with others are a reflection of relationships INside of you from one part of you to another, so your draw and experience changes in outer relationships.

Raphael and I did a livestream yesterday where we answered questions from viewers about sacred union, what transactibility looks like in relationship, parent-child dynamics, and much more. You can watch the recording of it here: https://youtu.be/fB9XCEWBWII or on my facebook feed: https://www.facebook.com/jelelleawen

With high SOULar winds and a full moon, it is a time to be self loving…..even as it is an opportunity for inner unity in ways/means that we have never known before as individuals and as a collective. Be sensitive to the energies you are taking in, around, and contributing to as the impact will be amplified right now. Start to connect with your inner family as first priority above all others as now offers a beautiful frequency of masculine/feminine union to truly explore the gifts of inner sacred union.

More about parts/Metasoul aspects here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

MUCH love to you as we move through this magical, growthful, and ALIVE phase of ascension together!

Jelelle

~

Reach out. Ask for what you need. Get ready to receive!

1:1 bridging session available next week M-F with me and other Facilitators! Powerful movements/realizations/emotional digestions happening in this sacred spaces! More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of four books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation with women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

 

Moving From Energy Of “Against” Yourself to “With” Yourself

By Jelelle Awen
Energy ‘against’ anything INside of you just continues a cycle of inner torn-ness, self punishment, rejection, loss, confusion, suffering, inadequacy and insecurity, self doubt. Energies that offer for you to be against your ego or against your mind or against your body (sometimes supported even by unfelt self punishment frequencies in spiritual offerings) feed these inner cycles of suffering.

This against energy then draws toxic and unhealthy cycles that play out in life….in abusive relationships, in money struggles, in physical body injuries/struggles/illness, in emotional suffering, in capped spiritual growth. These outside circumstances are a reflection of the inner ‘against-ness’. They are a mirror for you to see and feel how this pattern is happening and where it comes from, where it sources from inside of parts of you.

When you bring love, when you bring ‘with’ energy to ALL aspects of yourself, the ‘against’ frequencies start to heal. They start to soften. They start to rest. They start to draw LOVING energies to your life that show up in nourishing relationships, capacity to be with pain yet not suffer, in a vibrant and healthy body, in financial abundance (whatever that means to you.)

YOU can bring this love as you embody more of your Divine Self that becomes a loving observer and witness and spaceholder to parts of you that are in the dark, in pain, in shadow, in ‘control’ (or want to be) and are stuck in the suffering cycles. You become able to identify, feel, and heal the INNER polarization of your feminine and masculine (for women and men) that draws these stuck relationships.

You become the spaceholder and matchmaker for a beautiful and touching sacred union within that deepens into WITHNESS as it moves out of AGAINSTNESS. As ALL parts of you then start to move out of fear and into love….

~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about our NEW SoulFullHeart process programs, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Creating Our Own Galaxy Of Usness: A Poem Celebrating Sacred Union

By Jelelle Awen

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Painting is by Julia Watkins  http://energyartistjulia.bigcartel.com/product/leaning-lovers-soulmate-energy

For my beloved mate Raphael, and for YOU too:

You and me, in our altered consciousness….we create our own galaxy of USness just by walking around in each other’s orbits.

We sit in conversation in public places, changing the energy around us, inviting ALL to feel the possibilities of union like this that already lives inside them. A seed just waiting for the water of their desire and intention.

We create these fields, these joined together merkabahs and vehicles of light and love, that transport us to other timelines, dimensions, all our soul’s counterpart pairings….Golden Earth experiences while bridged to and in 3D.

You evoke my feminine, I provoke your masculine…and they dance, as they should, to music first heard from within and then expressed together.

Creating safe heart space….we are free to bring the vulnerabilities, sensitivities, and triggers of our deepest densities to each other.

Allowing each other to remain wild, bonded but not bound…we are able to surprise each other, remain ultimately unknowable, and unfold the mysteries of our deepest essence as we go.

We serve as a lived in, loved in, reminder that the experience of sacred union CAN arise without conditions, situations, and or even a partner as it grows from within firstly and mostly…..preparing the heart, soul, and body grounds to receive and respond when it is time for an other to come along….

~

Jelelle Awen is an Emoto-Spiritual Teacher, Soul Scribe, waySHOWer, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of Sacred Human, Arising Wonder: Ascension Through Integration Of Your Emotional Body With Your Spirituality and  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about a FREE intro session with a SoulFullHeart facilitator, group calls, videos, retreats, etc.

BEing Called Into Sacred Marriage Union From Within

By Jelelle Awen

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You are called into the sacred marriage. You are called into the union from within.

From within, you can feel the aspects of you that are masculine energies of activation and pursuit, guarded at times and defended. These aspects created out of the void of birth father, as he can only give what he has healed from within himself. Without this healthy father, the void of a lovingly protective father to lean into, parts of you BECOME the father you need even as they grip too tight, protect too much, guard too fiercely, becoming overly critical of self and others. And, if you are a woman, these masculine aspects too much BECOME your expression in the world which then is leading with this masculine energy even if you ‘seem’ feminine.

From within, you feel too the aspects of you that are feminine energies of stillness and receptivity…often covered over and layered over with matriarchal frequencies which are, again, masculine in feeling tones. These aspects created out of the void of birth mother, the void of a nurturing responsive mother to hold you, so parts of you BECOME the mother you need even as they control too much, are overly protective, go on the ‘side’ of others too often. The authentic inner feminine is uncovered and revealed through negotiation with all these aspects that have been protecting her…in both women and men.

You are called to connect with Divine masculine and feminine guides and energies that offer a higher vibrational frequency of sacred gender expression. The Divine Feminine frequencies – such as with Mother Mary/Mother God, Magdalena, Kali, Kuan Yin, and others – provides templating and modeling as She emerges out from the patriarchal shroud. The Divine Masculine frequencies – such as with Christiel/Yeshua, Metatron/Father God, St. Germain, Merlin, Buddha and others – provides templating and modeling as He arises from the claiming of his inner feminine and healing of the wounded masculine.

ALL this inner work, this inner marriage that occurs as you re-unionize the gender frequencies from within you and connect with Divine Masculine and Feminine guides…..this overflow of self LOVE then can draw a sacred union with your sacred union mate to your experience and into your world. As you separate and differentiate from the wounded frequencies and expressions of gender inside, so you can BE with the polarity dance with a partner in a very NEW way.

You are called to go within, as ANY shift in your external experience originates from this inner ground. Focusing outward, fixating outward on ‘drawing a mate’ can serve as a distraction and diversion from this inner work. ALL relationships that you have experienced are a reflection of you anyway, often the aspects of you that have been in shadow and that you have suppressed…..both your bigness AND your trailing edges of being.

SO MUCH LOVE is needed for this inner work sacred union dance. Love to hold the exploration from within, to not resist what seems to persist about your previous relationships. Love to allow the healing that is needed at the emotional body level and in the aspects of you that had the experiences that were intense and often traumatic too. Love to have you see YOURSELF in your current or previous mates and re-own, re-claim, re-lieve the aspects of you that have been previously disowned. Love, if you choose, in the form of a spaceholder to help guide you through the inner terrain (such as what we offer in our SoulFullHeart sessions: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions)

You are called into the sacred marriage. You are called into the union from within and then, to experience the union WITH OTHER that comes as a result. It is this inner union for which the sacred human can arise in a beautiful, high vibrational twining of masculine and feminine expression in gender form.

~

Raphael Awen and I now offer sacred union sessions for couples! Read more here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sacredunion

Please join us for a group call this saturday, May 13th at 11:11amCST with Raphael and I exploring this ground of sacred union through teachings, a guided meditation (to connect with your sacred feminine and masculine frequencies within and with the higher self of your sacred union mate), and individual sharings: https://www.facebook.com/events/1320873934656373/orsoulfullheartwayoflife.com/groupcalls

~

Jelelle Awen is an emoto-spiritual teacher, sacred feminine and union facilitator, soul scribe, waySHOWer, galactic love ambassador, and co-creator and teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is author of  Keep Waking Up! Awakening Journeys To Avalon And Beyond and an upcoming book,Sacred Human, Arising Wonder. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.