Matrix Collapse Q & A W/Pleiadian Meditation FB Livestream | Raphael & Jelelle Awen

By Jelelle Awen

I had an intense dream early this morning where I was driving an out of control car with my partner Raphael Awen….going in the wrong direction on the freeway. Trucks and cars were swerving out of the way and I was able to maneuver around them to avoid getting hit. As this was going on, I heard a voice saying to both of us, “You need to stay grounded in your bodies. This is about embodiment and making it through chaos!” Although it was intense, I also felt this sense of deep trust that we would be just fine.

As I digested this dream after waking, it felt to me to offer a sense of the massive change and transition going on at collective levels. And also to represent those of us going ‘against the grain’ and ‘against the mainstream flow’ to offer an alternative perspective to the pervasive consciousness.

There is risk in doing this. It can be tricky to maneuver at times and even painful as relationships fall away. Yet there is increasing trust that being willing to be authentically yourself, share your truth (even if controversial), and to remain in your heart/body/soul as you do this is worth it.

Perhaps you are too experiencing intense dreams and feeling like you are ‘doing work’ during the night on other levels? We are moving through the Pleiadian portal still with connection to them increasingly available right now. This is offering increased activation of pineal and pituitary glands….leading to intense dreams, astral/remote viewing journeys, altered states of consciousness, foggy/loose mind states, energy flushes/rushes, etc.

As we go through these deeper stages of 3D Matrix collapse, disclosure on so many levels and converging/diverging timelines happening, there is ALSO a continuous flood of 5D high frequency energies coming in. Before this dream, I had spent hours yesterday in bliss afterglow of union with Raphael in body/mind/soul/heart, feeling closer to each other than we ever have in collaborative soul purpose and daily living.

Sometimes the bliss pushes up the mess….the water of love bringing up the oil of deeper fears. All of this is being held space for right now as the Divine, Ascended Teachers, Guides, Star Family/the Pleiadians all provide support to feel it ALL.

Join Raphael and I tomorrow, Sunday May 24th at 11:00am PDT (Vancouver, Canada time) for a Q & A livestream here on Facebook sharing about the Matrix collapse to transition to New Earth. You can join us live or watch the recording on my facebook feed https://www.facebook.com/jelelleawen or on our SoulFullHeart Experience YouTube Channel https://www.youtube.com/c/SoulFullHeartExperience whenever you want to after we upload it.

We’ll respond to your questions and comments, plus offer a guided meditation to connect from wherever parts of you are right now to 5D with the Pleiadians. A helpful bridge from their lived in experience of Ascension to us as we go through our own death and rebirth process around it!

Love,
Jelelle Awen

Here is a timezone converter if you need one to convert from Victoria, British Columbia PDT time: https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html…

Here is a recent writing about the Pleiadian portal: https://soulfullheartblog.com/2020/05/16/energy-update-pleiades-portal-open-w-5d-timeline-activations-healing-of-abduction-programs

Here is a recent writing about the timelines happening during this global awakening event: https://soulfullheartblog.com/2020/05/21/bigger-picture-of-the-covid-global-awakening-event-w-diverging-timelines-to-come-into-oneness/

Join us for our group meditation and teachings call series on Wednesdays at 10:00am PDT until June 24th called Free To Be Two: Navigating The 3D Matrix Collapse To New Earth Transition. You can attend all five of the remaining calls and receive the recordings for ALL six of them by offering a donation at soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen. More information at soulfullheart.org/freetobe2

Jelelle Awen is Co-Creator/Teacher/Group Facilitator/Ambassador of SoulFullHeart, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For information about a free consultation call, 1:1 sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group call events, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheart.org.

Becoming A 5D Bridge During Ascension (Video) | Raphael & Jelelle Awen

By Jelelle Awen

Becoming a 5D Bridge during Ascension is about the bridging of love and healing primarily INSIDE to the parts of you and Metasoul Aspects from other lifetimes who need you and who you need as well, deepening into mutual gift exchange as the transmutation from trauma to love occurs.

This video is excerpts of teachings from our final Free To Be group call in the series on May 6 with Raphael Awen and I about how to become a 5D Bridge through parts connection and embodiment in ALL areas of your life. We talk about the seven areas of life and what Ascension from 3D to transitional 4D into 5D looks and feels like from the SoulFullHeart perspective.

SoulFullHeart Facilitator Kalayna Solais and SoulFullHeart Collaborator Gabriel Heartman share in the video about their process of becoming a 5D bridge. We also all speak in light language to each other, which you are welcome to JOIN IN from wherever you are too to babble along with us.

You can purchase the full recording of this group call recorded on May 6 (which includes 40 MORE minutes of teachings, two guided meditations and full sharings from Gabriel and Kalayna) and receive the recordings of all the calls in the series through offering a donation at https://www.soulfullheart.org/shop or paypal.me/jelelleawen

Here is a writing about the 3D/4D/5D Self and the 7 Areas Of Life: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/3d4d5dselvesquestions

Here is information about joining live and/or receiving the recordings for our next six week group call series Free To Be 2: Navigating The Matrix Collapse To New Earth Transition starting on May 20th!: https://www.soulfullheart.org/freetobe2

For the latest writings, videos, and information about SoulFullHeart sessions, community events and group calls, visit http://www.soulfullheart.org

Yeshua Christ/Magdalene Transmission Group Call Saturday, March 7 2020 W/Raphael & Jelelle Awen

Our Monthly Group Transmission
& Guided Meditation Group Call

with Raphael & Jelelle Awen

Hello Beloved Soul,

The increasingly catalytic energies of 2020 are supporting shifts into your higher timeline life through the continual thinning of veils of amnesia and soul activations. As we move into this month of March, more connections can be made to your soul’s lineage and your soul purpose of service here in this lifetime to assist seeding light in the darkness for yourself and others as Ascension progresses. 

The previous limiting beliefs, conditionings/programs from 3D reality, and traumas at the self/soul levels are able to be connected with, loved, and dissolved! 

Join our sweetly growing community of souls for our monthly group call over Zoom on Saturday, March 7th at 10:00am PST (Vancouver, Canada time)! We will be united in the purpose and draw of remembering our Magdalene lineage and embodying our indwelling cosmic Christ consciousness! 

Please read this message from the Magdalenes to see if it sparks your heart and soul remembrance and desire to join us: https://soulfullheartblog.com/2020/02/11/you-are-here-to-seed-light-in-the-darkness-message-from-the-magdalenes/

  • All are welcome. We do ask for a $15 CAD/$11 USD energy exchange for a deeper letting in and claim to receive the transmission. 
  • Powerful teachings and guided meditation. Raphael and Jelelle will teach about the Yeshua/Magdalene lineage and provide a deep and effective meditation to transmit these energies to you.
  • Resonant Soul Family experience. Those joining the call will be in resonance with these energies and ALL help to amplify and broadcast them. You will have the opportunity to hear others share on this journey and to share yourself if you wish to.
  • You can be ANYWHERE in the world and listen to the recording at any time. You can join us from anywhere over Zoom. And you can also listen to the recording whenever you want and need to. 

Much love,
Raphael and Jelelle

REGISTER HERE

Testimonials From Previous Calls:

“Deep GRATITUDE for the gathering today! Can’t deny I crave more community time! Thank you for the many gifts today, for seeing me and shining light on my heart!” Isabela, group participant

“I feel high on love still! I have never experienced anything like these ‘love baths’ that these calls offer me.” Deva, group participant

“I’m so grateful to be a part of this community again and feel my heart opening more and more and was so grateful to feel and help heal some deep wounds today. Thank you all so much. It was a wonderful experience.” Kallai, group participant
 

Our email address is:
soulfullhearts@gmail.com

 

Intro To Lion’s Gate Group Transmission on 8/8 w/Raphael & Jelelle Awen (video)

By Jelelle Awen

In this video, Raphael and I talk about what how excited we are to offer our NEXT group transmission and also what we feel the current energies are offering to the ongoing awakening process. Our Lion’s Gate group transmission event is on August 8, 2019 at 10:00am PDT.

We share about what we will teach about related to the Lion’s Gate ascension energies, the powerful activation passageway we have been in since the eclipses last month, what it is inviting us to look at and feel and where they will go in the transmission through guided meditation.

If you attend this group transmission or get the recording, the focus of this group on Thursday, August 8, 2019 at 10:00am PDT is to connect to the Lion’s Gate passageway. Lion’s Gate is also known as “Ascension Christmas” as it offers highly activating, next level gifts of activations and codes to support you to move into your higher timeline. Lion’s Gate creates a bridge to the codes that you’ve been receiving during the last months of Eclipses, SOULstice, and other cosmic/Gaia/SOULar energy fluctuations. Jelelle and Raphael will guide you in a meditative space in which you can connect to the Lion’s Gate codes through your Sirian Lion/Lionness aspects and bring them into your Ascension Chakras with your Protector and other parts that may join in.

You will journey to a higher dimensional realm of light to receive these codes with the support of Divine Father/Mother guides. We recommend watching and engaging in this video of teachings and guided meditation with them from the solstice in 2018 to give you a sense of what the transmission will be like: https://youtu.be/YjgQcD8IW88

This group transmission is open to the public. You can attend the group and/or receive the recording for an energy exchange of $15 CAD (about $11 USD). You can purchase the zoom link to join us live for the transmission and receive the recording through your email: https://soulfullheartwayoflife.com/shop

Or you can purchase it here through paypal: paypal.me/jelelleawen and we will send you the zoom link via email.

Group will last a max of two hours depending on those that want to share their experiences and ask questions. You can offer a donation of $15 CAD to receive the recording of the other previous group transmissions as well.

More info here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/grouptransmissions

Energy Update & Intro To Solstice Group Transmission on 6/21 w/Raphael & Jelelle Awen (video)

By Jelelle Awen

In this video, Raphael and I talk about what how excited we are to offer our NEXT group transmission and also what we feel the current energies are offering to the ongoing awakening process. Our Next Level Solstice group transmission event is on the SOULstice, this Friday June 21, 2019 at 10:00am PDT. We share about what we will discuss related to the solstice ascension energies, the powerful activation passageway we are in until Lion’s Gate on 8/8, what it is inviting us to look at and feel and where we will go in the transmission through guided meditation.

If you attend this group transmission live or get the recording, the focus of this transmission is to celebrate the seasonal Solstice, which is an energetic time of seasonal transition into summer for those in the southern hemisphere. The Solstice often acts as a portal gateway to your Next Level of soul expression, soul activation, and transformation. We will guide you in a meditative space in which you can connect to the Solstice codes and bring them into your Ascension Chakras with your Protector and other parts that may join in. You will journey to Stonehenge, where the Solstice is ritually celebrated, and feel what soul activations occur for you in this journey.

This group transmission is open to the public. You can attend the group and/or receive the recording for an energy exchange of $15 CAD (about $11 USD) minimum donation. You can offer your donation here: paypal.me/jelelleawen

We will send you the zoom link to join us when we receive your payment. The group transmission will last a max of two hours depending on those that want to share their experiences and ask questions.

More information about this group transmission here: https://www.facebook.com/events/482734889216458/

and here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/grouptransmissions

You can offer a donation of $15 CAD to receive the recordings of the previous group transmissions: Unplugging from the 3D matrix; Galactic Consciousness Activation; Sacred Union Activation with more information at soulfullheartwayoflife.com/grouptransmissions

Jelelle Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com

Celebrating Sacred Union On Beltane/May Day

By Jelelle Awen

Bright blessings to you on May Day……Beltane as those with Celtic/Avalon/Druid timelines know this day! My soul knows Beltane, celebration of the completion of winter and the beginning of later spring/summer. My soul knows dancing around the May Pole with ribbons that reflect the newly blooming buds. And my soul knows prancing around the bon fires that light up the night sky with a nearly full moon as a celestial feminine witness to the celebrations. My soul knows channeling the Goddess, floating out of my body and into the Infinite Spaces of near complete merging with Her.

It knows the reunion and coming together of sacred feminine and sacred masculine on this day. The pursuit of the stag king and the claim of the priestess representing the Goddess during their sexual union. My soul knows the feeling of this claiming and communion, whether literal in the physical with a man or in a symbolic dance of masculine and feminine energies from within.

You can tune into these sacred union energies today especially as you feel your desire for a counterpart to mirror your deepest leading and trailing edges. I am still in celebration at the reconciliation and reunion going on for Raphael and I. After a short yet very deep phase of separating from each other, we are now discovering in the last few weeks NEW grounds of intimacy between us as we come together again. It feels brand new even as it has the familiar depths and intimacy of over a decade together and MANY timelines of counterpart pair bonds as well to draw from.

Our latest sacred union activation happened very sweetly last night, Beltane Eve, as we welcomed our next batch of Andara crystals into our world and set up an altar for them. Our metasouls were reunited with two Lemurian aspects from inner earth/Mount Shasta area, where many of the Andaras come from and have been discovered. These meta aspects of ours are Andara keepers and began to flood Lemurian light language through us, reminding us of the legacy of Andara consciousness and what it offers us during this phase of Ascension.

There is much more to share in the future about these very special Andara crystal BEings and what they are offering us at this time. I look forward to using Andaras during sessions, including my new 1:1 remote and in person Ascension Energy Healing sessions, which you can read more about here: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/ascensionenergy

You are SO invited to ignite your inner fires on this Beltane May Day. Feel the connection of your inner masculine and feminine and how they dance together….or how they may be polarized in some ways from each other. This is such a valuable inner exploration that leads to the outer manifestation of a deep soul/mind/heart/body bond with another in the grounds of sacred union exploration!

Love,
Jelelle Awen

1:1 sessions available! More information here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Here is a guided meditation with Raphael and I to connect with your inner masculine and feminine:

Here is a guided meditation with Raphael and I to activate sacred union and your sacred sexuality:

 

Inner Masculine/Feminine Balance Guided Meditation – DAY 15: 33 DAYS DEEPEN W/JELELLE & RAPHAEL AWEN (VIDEO)

DAY FIFTEEN: DEEPEN 33 Day Video Series – Inner Feminine & Masculine Balance

Guided Meditation W/Jelelle & Raphael AwenThis is day fifteen of 33 in my daily video series called Deepen. Today, my beloved and SoulFullHeart Facilitator Raphael Awen joins me to talk about inner feminine and masculine balance. Raphael shares about a process that he is holding with his inner masculine and feminine parts/aspects to explore where there is more doing, linear, and power driven masculine rather than a balance of masculine energy with feminine heart presence. Jelelle shares about how this applies to the inner masculine for women (as represented by the Protector.)

Ascension Q & A, Guided Meditation W/Raphael and Jelelle Awen (video)

Raphael and Jelelle, co-creators and teachers of SoulFullHeart, were live responding to questions and comments that came over FB on September 7th, 2018. They offered their perspectives on the ascension process, emotional body/soul healing through parts work, and working with Metasoul aspects from other timelines.

They also co-lead a guided meditation to connect with high vibe energies and your Inner Protector at around 40 minutes in.

To read more about parts/Metasoul aspects, go here: https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

For the latest writings, videos, and information about SoulFullHeart events, visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

For information about a bridging session with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator and ongoing individual and group sessions, visit http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Don’t miss a thing! Get SoulFullHeart’s free weekly Museletter with all our writings and videos from the week via email through subscribing at http://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com

Following Your Sacred Union Desires: Our Story

By Jelelle Awen ~

Ten years ago, I received an email from a man asking me to explore a relationship. As soon as I read his words, I felt my entire body flush with a warm, loving energy and an inner knowing. I already knew that this man’s heart and soul were SO big, generous, and powerfully good, that his intentions toward me were pure, and that his dedication to his own healing/awakening process through parts work matched my own. Before that time, parts of me couldn’t handle the mirror that he offered me of me and there just wasn’t enough self worth to claim our connection.

Finally, after three years of knowing each other, I felt a ‘yes’ to letting him in. I felt a ‘yes’ to seeing where the reflection of ME that he offered would take me.

THAT exploration and THAT man have brought me more joy, goodness, reflection, growth, and stepping into my own bigness than I ever could have imagined! Our union expands and deepens each day, with new grounds of co-leadership and collaboration continuing to open out and offer surprisingly meaningful gifts to ourselves and others!

Thank you to my BEloved, Raphael Awen, for every moment since then and all the future ones to come! I’m so glad I said ‘yes’ and I’m so grateful that you pursued what you wanted!

~

By Raphael Awen

Ten years ago, my life took another big turn.

Today is Jelelle and I’s ‘nibble on cheese’ anniversary. I sent Jelelle an email that said ‘Would you like to connect soon? We could be like two mice nibbling on cheese.’ I knew it sounded a bit cheesy, but I was determined to be unedited and to be okay with whatever the outcome. In the three years prior, I’d brought her an attraction two other times, and though I accepted and respected the ‘no’ that came back, that didn’t stop me from trying again when another attraction arose. This time, I got a different response.

Today, I live in an ongoing honeymoon phase; a ‘pinch me’ reality. Is this really true? How can this be? What button did I push to make this happen? (part of me is still asking)

This woman who lived ten hours and a country away from was in my orbit to see occasionally over a three year period, but now, for the last ten years she’s hardly more than 25 feet away 24/7/365. We’ve left two countries behind, have plans for many more and can’t wait to walk into the next moments together to feel and experience what wants to be felt and experienced through us.

I so believe that one of the deepest things we came here to earth for, and that we chose human being experience for, was to be willing to enter the place of strong desire; to surrender and be vulnerable to having intense wants. Wanting a sacred romance is probably one of the biggest desires we can surrender to. I feel this to be true, because once you enter the sacred romance, it will call you to deeper and deeper desire and vulnerability and it won’t stop.

Your desire to admit what you want, to never deny it, even if you get told ‘no’, will be the stuff you’ll need to actually walk out the having of what you desire. Your willingness to long and pine for what you don’t have and find really hard to see anywhere in sight, will be what enables you to draw that.

You too, can have it all, for nothing more than the willingness to want it, and want it and want it some more.

~

Raphael and Jelelle Awen are Ascension Guides, Sacred Union Mates and Teachers, SoulFullHeart Facilitators/Co-Creators/Teachers. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, writings, and videos with them.

Our Nine Years Anniversary Of Sacred Union Grounds Together

By Jelelle and Raphael Awen

This is the beautiful anniversary video that Gabriel Heartman made for us!

By Jelelle ~

Nine years ago, I joined my intention in marriage with Raphael’s….in the moment and for all moments that followed that would be in mutual desire and resonance. On some level, it all felt like a whirlwind….we started dating in July and were married by March (after knowing each other for a couple of years). We had already moved through two major geography changes finally just getting settled in Canada when we married. We also went through the collapse of our whole social and spiritual world by leaving (being asked to leave, told to leave or not be together because we were deemed to ‘codependent’ although only together three weeks!) the spiritual group we had both been part of for a few years.

I am sharing today on March 28th as a FREE PDF, on the anniversary of our wedding, the memoir I wrote of the six year period that includes my awakenings and disillusionments within the spiritual group, first dating and falling in love with Raphael, AND the recovery period after leaving the group together. Most of the writing is from actual journals that I kept during that time! It is called Under The Bloated Banyan and you can receive it by emailing us at soulfullhearts@gmail.com.

Banyan shares the story of our courtship, which was the highest highs of desire moving through, my body calibrating to what it feels like to REALLY be wanted by a man and my heart letting in what it feels like to REALLY be cherished by a man. AS I was also going through a Dark Night of letting go of ALL the souls and my previously beloved spiritual teacher that I had been close to for more than five years in the group. Ups and downs, bittersweet, and yet, always was Raphael there for me, over and over, in complete devotion and utter eagerness to be together.

Those ups and downs have settled over the years as Raphael and I found our way together through many changes and transitions yet, always, arising our way through it in union. We took our wedding rings off two years ago, feeling like it had been other parts of us (going by our birth names Wayne and Jillian) who had exchanged those rings even as the core of us was there. We felt so different after years of parts work, being in the crucible of sacred union together that had burnt away so many layers, letting go of incomes and geographies and just about everything there was to let go of other than each other.

We even felt that the significance of this day was a memory from the past and we were arising in the NOW together. Yet, I do feel in my heart a tenderness for this day, this anniversary, and where we were at that time and who we have been through the years and who we are arising into now as Raphael and Jelelle.

Our usness keeps expanding as we do and keeps vibrating at a higher frequency at all levels and in all areas – sexually, emotionally, spiritually. We are more and more connecting other lifetimes together (energizing NOW) such as in Atlantis, Lemuria, and also our star BEing aspects from other galaxies. Very little conflict between us any more and when it happens it has a Metasoul/other lifetime root cause, fewer words needed, more soul connection deepening and collaboration in our service of love together purpose through SoulFullHeart…

I feel we are Counterpart soul mates to each other, which I prefer to the twin flame paradigm. Counterpart soul mates share many pair bondings with each other in many timelines together, usually with one partner choosing female and one choosing male most often. This pairing is agreed to by the Higher Selves to heal karma together, to experience sacred union together, to become One yet not the same together.

I can feel how our relationship could feel like a fantasy or idealized, yet it is not, it IS very real. We have had to go through the dark together to illuminate the light and the love yet that was always there. We have had to say, ‘no’ to anything that was less than this love or didn’t serve it. We have had to commit to awakening and to our own personal process OVER everything else, including the relationship.The goodness overflow in a relationship can only deepen and grow if the partners are committed to their OWN growth first.

So I celebrate a love today that I am SO BLESSED to experience and have been so blessed to experience for these 9.5 years…..thank you Raphael…..my king, my BEloved, my co-creator, my love for sharing this life of serving love together and ALL of the phases and spaces our love has taken us!

~

By Raphael –

I’ve been married to Jelelle Awen for nine years today!

The marriage itself in 2009 was a tiny affair with about a dozen people including the officiant inside of a studio apartment and was necessitated by the need to make Jelelle a legal resident in my Canada ASAP. A month earlier, I had just gotten banned at the US border for hiding that we were engaged. With Jelelle’s California now off the list, and us taking up residence in Vancouver, we feared being told by another government that we couldn’t be together. We half joked about moving to Mexico in order to be together if need be. Our hearts simply wanted to go all in.

Jelelle entered my life very unobtrusively via email one day back in 2005. She was the manager of the business coach I was doing weekly sessions with trying to get myself free of my little painting contracting business. My coach had told me his manager would be in touch to arrange a phone call as he had decided to leave the company and I would be getting reassigned to another coach. A few days later, as expected, I received an email from Jill (Jelelle’s name at the time).

You’d have thought I was a 14-year-old boy seeing a naked woman for the first time or something if you saw me that day looking at my email. It was a very strange reaction indeed that left a part of me looking at myself with a weirded out look. ‘Are you Okay?’

As my life was at some really big turning points that year, I was drawn to check into the spiritual group my coach was a part of before I lost contact with him and so, some months later, I had driven down to Oregon to attend a seminar being offered. I had forgotten about Jill until a few days before the seminar when I found an article she wrote on the groups website. ‘Well, I guess, I’ll kind of know two people at the seminar’, I thought to myself, ‘my now former coach and Jill’, his former manager who I did end up speaking with for a few minutes a few days following the ‘weirded out’ email.

Jill and I greeted one another on the first day of the seminar and acknowledged the phone call from several months earlier. She said ‘I still recall on my notes from the call I had written and circled three times “someone I can connect with” [in regards to whom I’d like as a new business coach] as you repeated that so emphatically’. That pretty much said it about me then and it still does today.

What happened next is a long and amazing story (about 286 pages worth) and you can read that for free if you’d like as Jelelle mentioned we are offering her story of our beginnings today. PM or email me your email address at soulfullhearts@gmail.com and I will send you the free PDF of Under The Bloated Banyan.

Three years after meeting Jill that first time, we finally became a couple. (I say ‘finally’ because it was my third time to bring an attraction. Life took off like a rocket, even more than it had three years prior when I left behind a stable marriage of 23 years and my Christian faith along with my entire social world as I knew it. Our much beloved spiritual group and its leader gave us an ultimatum to choose between dissolving our relationship or leave the group. It was abusive and we had the courage to admit what we’d been avoiding. It was time to go, but where? Jill and her daughter (Raianna) lived in California, and my little fine tuned livelihood was situated in Canada.

Wait, I’m telling the whole story again aren’t I? Like, I said, get the book.

What I’m really wanting to say today is something more vulnerable. I felt Jill was the biggest prize in this entire group and entering a relationship with her was so off the charts to everything I had dared imagine. Yet, I had done just that in the months prior, allowed myself to dream of a new life with the mate of my dreams before I could see her on any horizon of my life. Now, that I was in a relationship with Jill, it was a very good thing I had consciously chosen this and wanted this so deeply with everything in me, because the relationship called me to show up for what I wanted and tested everything in me. Our relationship got us kicked out of our beloved group and, then, the United States! Geographies, careers, families, all of it rumbled deeply to make room for what our souls had brought us to.

I entered a very socially secluded space in life where our relationship was not only at the center of everything, but was almost everything. The spiritual group was gone. Other than the grief of that loss to process, there was no social world we were a part of, other than Jelelle’s 15 year old daughterRaianna Shai and a few employees in my painting business, with whom we were friendly, but not friends. That in itself wouldn’t be that unusual, but what made it so bizarre was having a romance that was so utterly amazing with no place or people to digest it with or see its reflection, other than with each other. Each day seemed to take us to new places in connection, in heart, in desire, in sensuality and sexuality. This gave me the strange feeling of trusting the relationship more while also heightening the fear of losing it at the same time. The trust was more conscious I’d say and the fear more subconscious.

The one surviving piece being redeemed for us from the spiritual group we were a part of was awareness of parts of ourselves. I could see, feel and track the parts of myself and their needs in relation to all this unfolding. At times, I would go for a walk alone in nearby forest and have tears of amazement and appreciation at these amazing parts of me who could show up ongoingly for such an adventure, with so much change.

I still don’t know what I fell into. I’m still falling actually. Nine years later,…. looking for the handrails. Today, I will reach for the handrail of gratitude for the being named Jelelle this life, who I live and breathe with, where our average physical distance apart is about 11 feet.

Thank you, Jelelle, for BEing with me, with your exquisite BEing, for BEing in this adventure with me of love, of risk, of discovery and of service!

~

Photo was taken on our wedding day nine years ago in a small studio apartment in West Vancouver….Ah newlyweds, although we are STILL like this!

Jelelle and Raphael Awen
soulfullheartwayoflife.com