by Kalayna Solais
Last night before going to sleep, some really sweet energies moved through my heart space that I so wasnβt expecting, but I welcomed it all fully. I felt invited to think about the men Iβve been with or βalmostβ been with in romantic relationships. The ones who parts of me felt rejected by for some reason, the ones who kept me in the βfriend zoneβ. The ones I made love with or talked about making love with. The ones I wanted to marry. The one I did. The ones I βfriend-zonedβ and sometimes felt confused about. The handsome onesβ¦ well, they were all handsome, letβs be honest. And I loved all of them.
In all of this I felt how much I STILL love them. And a genuine appreciation for them, and whatever relationship we had or didnβt have. I learned a lot from each of them. And somehow, up until last night, parts of me and Metasoul aspects in other lifetimes too, felt primarily rejected or cast aside or ignoredβ¦ or simply unworthy, not good enough, and made it seem to themselves like these patterns of βnot everβ being with a deeply passionate man who can truly meet me in all ways, βstay in the roomβ with me, explore his Kingβs leading and trailing edges while I explore my Queenβs, would last forever.
Thereβs no romantic companion in my field at the moment. No prospects or crushes beyond the etheric βmateβ I can sometimes see and feel. Yet, I felt guided to keep feeling this through. And for the first time, I could see not only the gift of each of these connections Iβve had, but the gift of ME thatβs come out of each of them and the ways in which they were each able to adore and love me, no matter how complicated it was or wasnβt between us on a romantic or even just a friendship level. My own Inner Masculine took notes throughout all of these connections, Iβve realized, and decided from each of them what he would take with him and what he would help me say βnoβ to in the future, even within him, himself, in my relationship to him as an Inner Father, Protector, and Mate too.
My personal process is so deep for me that no matter what happens in my life, I βmineβ it for the golden nuggets, the exquisite diamonds, of personal growth and healing on a heart and soul level. I have looked deep into the mirrors of all of these relationships with still more layers emerging, and Iβve been willing to let that show me what the truth of ME has been throughout it all; which parts of me were hiding or activated and where/why, which Metasoul aspects were feeling the pain and the sting (and also the joy and lust) in their own timelines.
All of this exploration has been rich beyond measure and Iβm still reaping the rewards of these inward journeys. Itβs because of this work that Iβm able to, for the very first time, HONESTLY say βI am GRATEFUL for it allβ¦ for every cut, every bruiseβ¦ every loving touch, every hug and kissβ¦ every unconscious choice and every conscious one too.β If any of these men are reading this (many of them probably wonβt because Iβm not connected to them anymoreβ¦ but I know their Higher Selves are listening and feeling this) I want them to know how much I can feel the adoration I and parts of me have always had for them on many levels, even with the impact we had on each other and the fear-based choices that sometimes overtook the love-based ones. Weβve helped shape each other into the people we are now and I know in my soul that I needed every single one of you.
Maybe now we can move even more fully into whatever is next for all of us.
Much love to you as these Valentineβs Day energies bring out whatever you may need or want to feel through in your own romantic life or even just with regard to the Sacred Union withinβ¦
Kalayna
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Kalayna Solais is a SoulFullHeart facilitant, soul scribe, and poetess.Β Β VisitΒ https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.comΒ for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
Divine Self Embodiment Blog (Formerly SoulFullHeart) 