Author: Raianna Shai

A Single Red Rose

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By Raianna Shai

A single red rose
Emerging from the crisp cold snow
Its delicate warmth
Melting the icy edges

This is the gift of your sweet heart
Bringing spring’s growth
In the middle of winter

This is why you heal
To transform snowflakes
Into the sweet scent of nectar

You are here for a reason
In the midst of pain and tears
To create miracles within and without

Beloved, you are on your way
Even in the darkest of nights
Your soul shines bright to guide you

Beloved, you are almost there
Each moment of separation
Brings you that much closer to reunion

Each part of you is coming home
To reignite the entirety of who you are
And that which cannot be taken away

A single red rose
Is just the beginning
Of your blossoming garden of goodness
Born from your own fallen tears

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Choosing Your Soul Turn

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By Raianna Shai

When you enter a fork in the road, you have two choices that lie in front of you. Follow the known, or follow the unknown.

The known is safe and comfortable, full of suffering patterns that your soul has become so accustomed to. It may not be everything you’ve dreamed of, but it’s a straight and narrow path to survival and what you’ve been told is possible in this life. It is understandable and just as sacred to choose this path.

But what if your soul is calling out for something different. To choose something you’ve never tried in any other lifetime. To go behind the boundary of the known and take a leap into the space of possibility.

Many parts of you might struggle with this option. They crave the feeling of safety and knowing everything will be okay. That’s where the bigness of you can hold them and bring them to a place inside that is always safe for them. Meanwhile, you have the freedom to explore this vast unknown.

This choice point can come in so many forms. Ending a suffering loop, shifting a deep relationship, leaving or entering a geography, choosing a new form of alchemy. Each of these comes down to the choice of stepping out of one stream of consciousness and entering another.

These potential moments of soul turn often come to you unexpectedly. A contract that you’ve agreed to for so long has suddenly run out and now it’s time to sign up again, or try something new.

Six years ago I made my biggest life shift yet, choosing to enter into a completely new way of life and start becoming conscious of the family of parts inside me. Joining my soul family in SoulFullHeart was an incredibly soul led decision, yet there was still so much fear and uncertainty about what might lie ahead.

So far it has brought every aspect of soul expansion you can imagine – reunion, separation, joy, fear, love, pain, beginnings and endings. And boy has it been ALIVE. The soul turns I’ve made in these years have been ones I didn’t know were possible or that I would ever even desire. I have become the woman I’ve always wanted to be – less afraid of her truth and bigness, leaning into intimacy in relationships, opening herself up to her own form of leadership, no longer accepting what isn’t enough.

There’s so much more to go as there always is but I’ve learned that the moments I fear the most in this unknown, are the ones that bring me the most gifts in the end – so long as I walk through the fire, and not around it. The more you trust your soul and the divine to catch you, the more you can support your parts and all the fears that reside within them. Magic will happen if you let yourself live into something you haven’t previously known. That is BRAVE and that is LIVING.

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Reunion is…

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By Raianna Shai

Reunion is a
Wonderfully terrifying
Thing

Shaking the ground
Beneath our
Feet

Asking us to
Unchain ourselves
From the shackles
Of our past

Yet to be
Vulnerably intimate
With it
In tandem

The fears are alive
With a depth of desire
That guides our souls
Through fire and hope

We rest in the
Unknowns
Of falling up
Or floating down

Yet the
Yearning of our hearts
Will guide the way
To a new knowingness

That our time
Together
Has been divinely appointed
And soulfully chosen

And all that we are
All that we move and feel
Has been written in the stars
Since our two souls split
Forever aching to reunite

So here we are
Reuniting
Trembling yet strong
In our purpose

To bring our two halves
Together as one
And heal a deep divide

Reunion is a
Wonderfully terrifying
Thing

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Reunion With My Beloved

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By Raianna Shai

In just two days, Jasper and I will be reuniting as I pick him up from the airport here in Portugal. We’ve had quite a four year history of ins and outs, together and separate, right next to each other and worlds apart. In the last two years, we have been in completely different countries coming in and out of contact with each other, and even in and out of romantic exploration.

On that day, two years ago, I made a huge, life altering choice. I chose to end our relationship, let go of the dogs that have been in my family years, and move to Portugal to be with my Soulfullheart community. It was not easy, nor did it come without falter or doubt, but I knew in a moment of empowerment that I was choosing myself and my soul. I had to trust that on a higher level, it was right for the both of us, despite how painful the separation felt.

This phase of being long distance has been such a deep time of individuation and self discovery for both of us. I feel now how important it is to have the time to heal enough of your inner wounding and gain a more centered connection to the divine in order to let in something as deep as a sacred union. By sacred union, I mean connection on all levels and consistently working on your own inner world in order to transact together on the outside.

I spent a long time rebuilding myself, finding out who I am now and who I want to be moving forward. I learned so much from sisterhood about how to be intimate, set boundaries, ask for what you need and how to share my heart more vulnerably. I’ve grown more of a center and a deep sense of self in this individuation, though it will always be an ongoing process.

Our connection together has ebbed and flowed over this time as well. We didn’t talk for a while, then needed to for practical reasons. I felt done with the ground that we left our relationship on but my care for him never left. Many times we rode the line of getting back together and entering into a new phase of relationship. But each time I had to say no, or the divine circumstances said no, when it still didn’t feel like the right time.

This last round was different. We started out different. In a much more raw, tender and real way. Sharing our deepest fears, most vulnerable pains, and even our anger and desires. This conversation represented a timeline split of either a deeper goodbye or a new kind of hello. In turned out, it sparked the beginning of a new foundation going forward.

I’m so unbelievably grateful to have had all this time as a single woman to mend the parts that felt broken, to rise into a form of queen inside of myself, and reconcile some of the old patterns and behaviours that existed in our previous relationship. Neither of us moved on, neither of us forgot about each other, and neither of us was ever vilified by the other.

Every sacred union journey is unique and different. For me it took time, creating a relationship with the divine, and creating a home inside that was so safe, no part of me felt abandoned or lost in the dark. Now it’s time to make room for this outer masculine beloved and to start life together in collaboration and exploration! 💛

The attached pictures are the very first picture we ever took together and the very last before I left Canada!

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Multidimensionality Of Being A Woman

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By Raianna Shai

There are so many buried emotions that live within the feminine. So many lifetimes of suppression, persecution and judgement have colored our souls leading us now to either feel small and unworthy or constantly fighting against feeling this way again. Both of these frequencies keep us from being in our full bigness and empowerment as women – and instead allow these pains to keep us from embodying peace and divine love within.

I’ve noticed a theme in the collective lately, even in the last few years of hating men. Ranging from a distaste to true disgust. This always bothered a part of me as I have known so many wonderful and caring men in my life. Yet in a recent process of mine I was looking back on my teenage years and remembered a time that the boys in my high school acted in a way that made the girls feel belittled, judged and truly demeaned as if the only thing we had to offer were our looks. When going back to this time I felt more rage than I have ever felt in my life. It was coursing through my veins to the point of shaking and cursing.

It was a feeling I haven’t allowed myself to feel often in my life, for fear of hurting others or being judged for the intensity of it. But after so many years of this anger being suppressed I finally had a safe enough container inside to let it all out toward this specific memory. What came after was a realization that much of this energy came from the “killer queen” who feels like an archetype that many women have within them to some degree. She has formed from lifetimes of the feminine being treated as lesser than the masculine and not being able to express our gifts. Not even coming close to being cherished and honoured for them.

And yet, we chose this for a reason. We chose to live out and express this feminine/masculine dance and to hopefully heal from it and move into something brand new. I feel the need for humanity to go through this cycle of a pendulum swing from the masculine being in power, to the feminine reclaiming it’s power. Both extremes come at a cost yet I can see the other side of it. What comes next is true collaboration, respect and care between the masculine and feminine. A bond so yearned for and desired that it can’t help but unfold exponentially within each of us and then collectively. I feel this is something all of our souls have been waiting for.

Jelelle led a group call about the inner mother/matriarch that I feel really ties into this theme. As Kasha mentioned in her recent post, the inner mother has had to express as more masculine because of the lack of true masculine support on the outside. In her heart she wants to be able to lean in and discover who she really is as a woman. I feel the more shadowy matriarch energy too in the anger towards the masculine, often drawing more of that wounded masculine energy in her frustration and anger.

As we feel and heal the inner mother/matriarch we begin to understand more of who we are as women and the frequencies we’ve chosen to live in – inside and out. We’ve inherited so much from our birth mothers and mother figures in our lives that getting to know this part of us is key in unlocking what is truly ours to hold. And eventually, we can move through the anger and into a place of forgiveness for self and the masculines we’ve experienced in our lives. Coming back into peace and self love, only to draw more of that on the outside.

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Letting Go of Hell To Let In Heaven

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By Raianna Shai

Eeeee! This is the first time I’ve ever filmed a video like this, sharing my process spontaneously through video but it felt so good and natural in the end. We’ve been talking a lot recently as a community about sharing like this more and trying to show what this process is like in a more intimate way, as well as how we relate to each other.

In this video, I talk about a process I had over our group weekend with a gatekeeper of mine. What I discovered is that he was gatekeeping not my own soul, but a whole dimension of masculine sufferring that my soul seemed to have tapped into. This has led to a feeling in myself of needing to save the masculine and pull these aspects out of their own hell. But ultimately, that’s their journey to take and not mine to hold.

This has led to so much relief and unanchoring inside of me that I am finally feeling a fluid and easy connection with the divine in a way that I’ve always heard about and wanted.

I hope this resonates with you or however it lands and thank you again for taking it in ♥️

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Choosing To Live

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By Raianna Shai

It’s a fine line to balance your healing between deep inward feeling and outward clear currency. To dive deep into emotion means to be so honest and transparent with yourself that each part of you gets to feel every single thing that comes up for them. Whether it’s fear, joy, grief, peace, sadness, relief… it’s all so sacred and needs to be felt in its full capacity.

There’s a common fear in that deep dive though that you’ll never make it out of the heavy emotions. That you’ll be stuck in this void of depression and sorrow – trapped in your own inner hell. What I’ve discovered for myself is that not going to these places also causes a hell inside. Constantly invalidating and pushing down these feelings that will always be there until they’re addressed, felt and loved. When they aren’t felt, they come out sideways through reactions that we don’t totally understand. In anger, frustration and feeling inadequate or unworthy.

This is where the other side of the line is so important. There needs to be a bigger energy in the space to hold these deeper feelings. The divine, your higher self, something that can be even just a little bit bigger than the hopelessness. Something that brings air to the container that you’re holding for these parts of yourself. As this bigger energy holds these deeper emotions, a clarity and confidence starts to arise.

From there we find sobriety, truth, transparency and a deep claim of our parts and our relationships to others. In my recent process I’ve felt a mix of my inner teenager, shadow queen and inner punisher and how they all relate to one another. I learned how much my inner punisher and shadow queen were both suppressing and being suppressed, unable to express their truth to me and others.

As I deeply felt all three of these parts I started to feel a release and relief. Clarities started coming through, more truth was allowed to come out, more air entered into my entire being and all the despair and sobbing in that process became so worth it. I’m still in progress with this but so many layers have shed already.

We can try and go under or over the feelings all we want but the ONLY way to move it is through. Allow the feelings to take you on a journey, to change you from the inside out. You end up becoming so connected to your parts that you will do whatever you can to provide them the love and relief they desperately need. Choosing this depth of feeling is choosing to finally LIVE. And each time I make that choice to live and not let my soul or heart die, I become that much more whole and connected to my soul purpose.

I hope that you decide in this moment to choose to live ♥️

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Dear Inner Teenagers…

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By Raianna Shai

Dear inner teenagers,

I love you all so much for the range you can express from angry, frustrated, and misunderstood to sensitive, passionate, and caring. You have held both our deepest desires and deepest fears, keeping our hearts alive and on fire.

There may be times when other parts suppress you or judge the way you are, but that’s what we’re here for. We are here to help you heal your wounds created in adolescence and beyond. To remove you from the frontlines of life and tuck you in where it’s safe to just be you. We are here to help you mature into the creative and compassionate beings that you are in your core.

We are also here to learn from you and receive your gifts. You offer a perspective that ignites curiosity and claim of what’s real in the world. You are consistently trying to find the heart of everything. The heart of truth, love, fear, and even life itself. I have often found teenagers to be the most questioning of the status quo and the false picture of perfection that “adults” seem determined to hold together.

Then there’s the vulnerability. You wear your hearts on your sleeves without even trying which can cause pain and suffering without the true leadership that comes from our higher selves holding the space for you. We have to listen to you, feel you and help you heal so that we can help each other feel complete. And in your healing, we find our inner kings and queens that should truly be leading our relationships.

We are here to help you shine!

Love,
The souls who wish to heal you ♥️

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Reunion

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By Raianna Shai

The other day I was sitting in the grass near a chapel with my cat, and I got this deep sense of reunion flood through me. It was the day after our Soulfullheart three day gathering here in Portugal and with everything we all felt and moved through, I was left with a sense of completeness.

In each of our processes, we digested similar themes of telling our truth, being current and real in relationships and feeling why parts of us struggle to express both of these things. On the other side of these processes, my heart was filled with hope and understanding that everything we’ve ever dreamed of is all before us.

We’re simply wading through the emotional waters that are helping us arrive at our inner and outer heaven so that all parts of us can come along. Not just the ones that are ready and aren’t scared anymore, but the ones that are still scared and need us to love them through it.

With this in my mind and heart, this poem and video came out as a reflection of that reunion feeling inside and out. Things are coming together for each of us in different ways and ultimately, even when it feels like our path is being steered in a different direction, we’re still always getting closer to the heaven we want. For it’s always accessible on the inside ♥️

Here’s the poem:

I feel reunion
Dancing in the air
Reminding us to keep feeling
To keep letting in love
To keep dreaming of all you desire

It feels like falling in love
With yourself
With community
With beloveds

Like all the puzzle pieces
Are falling into place
Completing the mosaic
Of your heart and soul

Reunion brings you back to your heart
Back to your purpose
Back to your passion

It ignites all the colours
Of your inner rainbow
Even those left in shadow
Ready to be shown the light

Crack open the door
That’s been long shut
In fear of hurt or shame

Come home to your parts
Let them feel the love
They so deserve and desire

Let reunion pour in
Filling every crack
Every doubt
Every fear

And breathe in the new timeline
That you’ve created inside
Only to be mirrored
On the outside

The divine loves you
As you love you

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Chakra Clearing Transmission

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By Raianna Shai

Lately I’ve been in a process of feeling the parts of me that have been numbed, neutralized, and suppressed for different reasons and often in forms of protection. I felt my inner masculine and inner queen ready to help move these parts into more aliveness, vitality, passion, connection to a sense of purpose and to heal these muted tendencies.

Since I’ve begun this journey I’ve already felt an amazing amount of energy from doing energizing yoga to move my physical energy flow, feeling the parts that are resistant to anything changing, and reconnecting with service to others in a new way. Part of this was listening to Jelelle’s chakra meditation using singing bowls in order to feel out my energy body and where it might be getting stuck. You can listen to that here: https://youtu.be/zR_aMtJK4lc

After this, I felt inspired to write this poem to share what the divine, the Magdalene’s and my higher self are energizing to me and my parts. Each stanza is related to a different chakra and how my whole being can come alive in a new way. To leave this story that I don’t have fire or passion and to discover what my version of that is, and why it’s been suppressed for good reasons. Perhaps it’s something you needed to hear as well. ♥️

Awaken yourself
For you have work to do
Inside and out
In service and of self

Enliven yourself
For you are being called to answer your soul
To discover your purpose
And serve from love’s overflow

Hear yourself
For your truth holds a power
Strong enough to love
And soft enough to move mountains

Feel yourself
For you are no longer suppressed
Your heart is aching to come alive
And rest in the lap of the divine

Empower yourself
For anything less no longer serves
You are ready to be bigger
To be inspired and passionate

Love yourself
For it lives and breathes within
Waiting to heal every part of you
And ignite your lover’s potential

Ground yourself
For you are held in deep surrender
As you learn to trust the fall
That this initiation will inspire

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.