Category: By Raianna Shai

Dear Inner Teenagers…

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By Raianna Shai

Dear inner teenagers,

I love you all so much for the range you can express from angry, frustrated, and misunderstood to sensitive, passionate, and caring. You have held both our deepest desires and deepest fears, keeping our hearts alive and on fire.

There may be times when other parts suppress you or judge the way you are, but that’s what we’re here for. We are here to help you heal your wounds created in adolescence and beyond. To remove you from the frontlines of life and tuck you in where it’s safe to just be you. We are here to help you mature into the creative and compassionate beings that you are in your core.

We are also here to learn from you and receive your gifts. You offer a perspective that ignites curiosity and claim of what’s real in the world. You are consistently trying to find the heart of everything. The heart of truth, love, fear, and even life itself. I have often found teenagers to be the most questioning of the status quo and the false picture of perfection that “adults” seem determined to hold together.

Then there’s the vulnerability. You wear your hearts on your sleeves without even trying which can cause pain and suffering without the true leadership that comes from our higher selves holding the space for you. We have to listen to you, feel you and help you heal so that we can help each other feel complete. And in your healing, we find our inner kings and queens that should truly be leading our relationships.

We are here to help you shine!

Love,
The souls who wish to heal you ♥️

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Reunion

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By Raianna Shai

The other day I was sitting in the grass near a chapel with my cat, and I got this deep sense of reunion flood through me. It was the day after our Soulfullheart three day gathering here in Portugal and with everything we all felt and moved through, I was left with a sense of completeness.

In each of our processes, we digested similar themes of telling our truth, being current and real in relationships and feeling why parts of us struggle to express both of these things. On the other side of these processes, my heart was filled with hope and understanding that everything we’ve ever dreamed of is all before us.

We’re simply wading through the emotional waters that are helping us arrive at our inner and outer heaven so that all parts of us can come along. Not just the ones that are ready and aren’t scared anymore, but the ones that are still scared and need us to love them through it.

With this in my mind and heart, this poem and video came out as a reflection of that reunion feeling inside and out. Things are coming together for each of us in different ways and ultimately, even when it feels like our path is being steered in a different direction, we’re still always getting closer to the heaven we want. For it’s always accessible on the inside ♥️

Here’s the poem:

I feel reunion
Dancing in the air
Reminding us to keep feeling
To keep letting in love
To keep dreaming of all you desire

It feels like falling in love
With yourself
With community
With beloveds

Like all the puzzle pieces
Are falling into place
Completing the mosaic
Of your heart and soul

Reunion brings you back to your heart
Back to your purpose
Back to your passion

It ignites all the colours
Of your inner rainbow
Even those left in shadow
Ready to be shown the light

Crack open the door
That’s been long shut
In fear of hurt or shame

Come home to your parts
Let them feel the love
They so deserve and desire

Let reunion pour in
Filling every crack
Every doubt
Every fear

And breathe in the new timeline
That you’ve created inside
Only to be mirrored
On the outside

The divine loves you
As you love you

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Chakra Clearing Transmission

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By Raianna Shai

Lately I’ve been in a process of feeling the parts of me that have been numbed, neutralized, and suppressed for different reasons and often in forms of protection. I felt my inner masculine and inner queen ready to help move these parts into more aliveness, vitality, passion, connection to a sense of purpose and to heal these muted tendencies.

Since I’ve begun this journey I’ve already felt an amazing amount of energy from doing energizing yoga to move my physical energy flow, feeling the parts that are resistant to anything changing, and reconnecting with service to others in a new way. Part of this was listening to Jelelle’s chakra meditation using singing bowls in order to feel out my energy body and where it might be getting stuck. You can listen to that here: https://youtu.be/zR_aMtJK4lc

After this, I felt inspired to write this poem to share what the divine, the Magdalene’s and my higher self are energizing to me and my parts. Each stanza is related to a different chakra and how my whole being can come alive in a new way. To leave this story that I don’t have fire or passion and to discover what my version of that is, and why it’s been suppressed for good reasons. Perhaps it’s something you needed to hear as well. ♥️

Awaken yourself
For you have work to do
Inside and out
In service and of self

Enliven yourself
For you are being called to answer your soul
To discover your purpose
And serve from love’s overflow

Hear yourself
For your truth holds a power
Strong enough to love
And soft enough to move mountains

Feel yourself
For you are no longer suppressed
Your heart is aching to come alive
And rest in the lap of the divine

Empower yourself
For anything less no longer serves
You are ready to be bigger
To be inspired and passionate

Love yourself
For it lives and breathes within
Waiting to heal every part of you
And ignite your lover’s potential

Ground yourself
For you are held in deep surrender
As you learn to trust the fall
That this initiation will inspire

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Inner Sacred Union Dance

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By Raianna Shai

Her: “I’m here”
Him: “I’m on my way”

These are the words my inner masculine and feminine said to each other in a SoulFullHeart sacred union group call. In meditation, we journeyed to a ball where our feminine and masculine parts met to dance with each other and feel out their relationship. So much was illuminated for me in this simple visualization about the ways in which my own inner relationships have been projected onto my outer ones.

At first, both of these parts were quite young feeling. Like a prince and princess coming together in excitement and play. This felt very sweet but I also realized that those energies are what I feel most comfortable expressing in relationships. I can be young, playful and joyful but I struggle to go into the deeper tones of woman, lover, and passionate soul.

As they came towards each other on the dance floor they became older and more mature. A veil started to fade and all of their fears and strategies started to show more clearly. My masculine, Matthew, began to feel a flood of inadequacy and unworthiness to be able to show up for my feminine, Iris. Her tendency is to caretake him and try to overcompensate for the inadequacy that he was feeling inside. She felt the guidance to not respond this way and to wait for something different to arise in her.

Later in the meditation, they connected with Yeshua and Mary Magdalene as feminine and masculine templates that we are all capable of holding inside of ourselves. Magdalene invited Iris to just be in the room with Matthew and invite him into something new, but also to let go and allow him to find it within himself. Yeshua placed his forehead on Matthew’s to energize that they are really no different and that he is fully capable of all the compassion, openness and passion that he so admires in Yeshua.

Matthew felt so much release in that message and finally cried after many days of not being able to access much emotion. He crumbled to the floor as Iris just sat next to him, radiating love and support for this journey he will go on to find even deeper love for himself and from the divine. I feel a deep surrogacy coming for him from Yeshua, and even a merging in ways he never thought possible.

This is when they spoke –

Her: “I’m here”
Him: “I’m on my way”

I realized after this experience that so much of this dynamic was showing up in relationships on the outside. Whether my mate felt inadequacy or I felt it, that energy was always in the space. And if it was felt by my mate then I would instinctively go into caretaking, preventing them from finding it for themselves and essentially taking away their opportunity to find deep self love.

If I felt it, I couldn’t quite go into it deeply and find the source of it while in the relationship. Now that I’m single, I’ve been able to go deeper into this wound so that whatever future explorations I have, I will feel so much more centered inside of myself and will know how to hold it with them, instead of for them. I would also draw less of this dynamic as it heals within my own heart and soul.

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Healing Inner Punishment Through Currency and Love

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By Raianna Shai

Something has been shifting deep within me to a place I haven’t quite reached yet before. I’ve always struggled to access and allow the parts of me that have opinions, reactions or feelings that are judged inside of me. They were invalidated as too much, unnecessary, unfair, harsh, immature, unimportant and anything else you can imagine.

I’ve been working with this part of me called the Ursula who is very matriarchal and has been deeply hijacked by the matrix. On the other side of the coin is my inner punisher who shows up as a dark cloud to instil this feeling of dread, foreboding and shame. Their names are Octavia and Nimbus.

I first started connecting to Octavia, many months ago but much deeper the last few weeks, and realized that she was a large source of my power, discernment and truth as a woman. She would feel opinions or reactions to things and Nimbus would shut them down immediately and go straight to the logical and more docile response. For example, if someone said something to hurt my feelings and Octavia had a reaction to it, then Nimbus would set those feelings aside and jump to the knowing that “They didn’t mean it that way” or that “It came from a certain part of them for a reason”.

Now I’ve finally let in the fact that this strategy doesn’t allow for Octavia to be felt and often she is feeling something very valid and useful for the other person to hear. Allowing her to share her reaction would bring me a greater understanding of myself and of the other person. It would bring us closer and drop any walls that might still linger between us. But this was far too intimate and could lead to hurt in Nimbus’s eyes.

Over the last few weeks I’ve finally felt ready to release Octavia from this bind and let her speak her heart and mind when she needs to. I’ve shared some (albeit small but current) reactions with some of my beloveds in this community and honestly it couldn’t have gone better.

With Bianca we were able to understand each other on a deeper level and learn more about ourselves and the ways we have operated throughout our lives. With Kasha I was able to uncover a habit of mine that kept me from connecting with others more deeply. We ended up having deep tears about how much we love each other and how much we have been through together.

Each experience allowed me to validate whatever Octavia was feeling no matter how small or “trivial” it might be judged as. Every reaction has a purpose whether it’s to understand more about yourself or to become more intimate with others. I finally understand what it feels like to be current and not hold back in the name of being polite, nice or easygoing. Those are all ideals that have kept me small and in a box of my own creation, not allowing all the flavours and colours of my being to show up and be seen.

Ever since this started I’ve felt this existential change in my being. Last night I imagined it like all my molecules have been thrown up in the air and are coming back down in a new arrangement. I am being changed by this and I can see and feel it in a way I never have before. I am claiming all that I deserve to feel inside and out and giving all the love I can give – inside and out.

Hopefully this sparks an inspiration in you to feel the parts of you that are judging any reactions you have and are preventing you from being current with those around you. Love is current and currency is love. ♥️

Raianna Shai
Soulfullheart Experience

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

The Year of the Sacred “Yes”

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By Raianna Shai

I woke up into this new year feeling a palpable bittersweet-ness. For me, and perhaps many others, it has been a big year of letting go and then deeply grieving those losses. In a sense it has been a year of saying “no”. To tired patterns, old versions of ourselves, relationships, environments, tensions, and anything that brings a sense of unworthiness or heaviness.

The phase of saying no is SO sacred and tells all the precious parts of you that they are worthy of love and deserve all the desires and needs that live in their hearts. Letting go and deeply feeling the grief of it is something that not many are taught to do. We are taught to let go and forget or hold on for good. But to feel every inch of sadness, relief, confusion, heartbreak, or deep despair that comes up from letting go is so much more meaningful than letting it all sit underneath the surface.

Feeling the depths of these emotions allows more room for all everything you want to say “YES” to. That’s how I feel 2023 will unfold, the year of yes.

Yes to healing
Yes to love
Yes to the divine
Yes to transformational relationships
Yes to inner growth
Yes to opening out the heart again

Saying no to so many things can feel so depleting and disheartening. It’s hard to open yourself up again to the new possibilities that can fill the void that has been left. In the meantime, we can fill the void ourselves with our own inner relationships and inner growth. But soon we can open up again and let in the magic of the new.

Everything we’ve dreamed of is on the horizon just waiting for us to be ready for it. We can hide in the shadows in fear of hurting again, or open our hearts to love and loss knowing that we’ll always find our way back to love. I feel so much honouring of all that has been let go of this year, including an old layer of myself that is ready to move out. And now I welcome in more alchemy, flow and intimacy than ever before! Wishing a REAL New Year to you all ♥️

✨ The pictures attached is an incredible creation by Kasha as a Christmas card this year!✨

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Allowing the Waves of Grief

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By Raianna Shai

Grief is a much bigger part of our lives and our emotional bodies than I think we realize. We don’t just grieve passed loved ones or the end of relationships. We grieve old versions of ourselves, nostalgic places, past habits, other lifetimes, the state of the world – really anything that is coming to an end. It’s also one of the most complicated and pushed away emotions we can have as humans.

It’s deep, existential, nonlinear and shows up when we least expect it. Everyone I know who has experienced the deepest versions of grief have described it as coming in waves. It crashes over you and suddenly you feel like you’re drowning. One day you’re the happiest you’ve been in a long time and the next you’re weighed down with an intense heaviness.

I know that grief is not exactly easy to feel but I also know what happens when it’s left unfelt. It harms us in our physically bodies through different aches and illnesses, it causes us to push down any emotion that comes up in fear that it will uncap all of the unfelt grief we’ve left bottled up and it can keep us from connecting to the deeper parts of ourselves that are beyond the grief.

Grief is deep but it does have another side. It is tender, real and honest. It shows us what we really care about and where our deepest fears and desires lie. It shows us so much truth and if truly allowed to come to the surface when it needs to – it can help us love deeper, trust more easily and stay current with every new emotion.

This has been the biggest emotion that I’ve felt this last month and though it’s been painful, it’s also taught me so much about myself and all the varied and important parts of me. It’s shown me that I can feel 50 emotions in one breath, 100 thoughts in each tear that falls from my eyes, a depth so vast it feels like I’ll never feel anything else.

And then I do. I keep moving, keep feeling, keep letting myself dive into this well of despair and come back out feeling even closer to these parts inside of me. Letting go of every hope and dream I’ve had and making way for new ones. In allowing these feelings to surface, I’m telling these parts of me that they are valid, real and loved. And that is where the healing really happens.

Pictured is me feeling real grief during a recent group circle with SoulFullHeart. The community support and love was huge for allowing myself to go to these depths

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Healing Perfectionism With Divine Love

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By Raianna Shai

Perfectionism is expressed by many different parts of us, in varied ways and for so many reasons. I’m sure many of us can relate to the constant need to control the outcome or appearance of everything we do. The fear of doing something wrong or being judged for it is running in the background of our minds even in everyday, simple tasks. We often feel tension and anxiety when something unfolds in a way we did not expect or control. Maybe it comes up when you have reactions you don’t want to have, or there’s conflict you wanted to avoid, or you chose to do something that you realize others would judge.

Perfectionism is often used as a way to protect the most precious and vulnerable parts of us which has been so needed in certain phases of our lives. Overtime it becomes so ingrained in us from messaging by society, matrix coding from as far back as birth, personal desire to appear a certain way, and to avoid judgement and loss. But it gets to a certain point where it prevents those vulnerable parts from growing into their bigness and recognizing that they don’t need that protection to the same degree anymore.

Perfectionism for myself has been so strong my entire life. I strived to be a perfect student, perfect friend, perfect girlfriend, perfect daughter, perfect community member. And slowly but surely I’ve come to unwind this ingrained desire to avoid any and all judgement and conflict. Much of this has been rooted in the idea that I’m not good enough and that I’ll lose everything I love so much. The moment we separated from the Divine, we were given an underlying feeling of guttural and tragic loss of our home frequency of love and connection. So much unworthiness stems from that loss and everyday we try to prove we are good enough to the divine in some way, shape or form.

Freedom can be found in the moments when all parts of us are nourished and aligned: heart, body, mind, soul and spirit. When we allow ourselves to let in true divine love, we are then able to realize that we can truly do no wrong from the perspective of the Divine. This is really the only place we can find unconditional love and acceptance. When we let go of expectation, obligation and self consciousness – we find liberation.

Freedom for me was felt in the picture I’ve attached to this post. That week I felt the words from the Divine rumble through me when she said “You are my everything”. The energy and truth of these words started to unlock this strong hold parts of me had on the idea of not being good enough. We truly are everything to her – everyone of us and in every way. In the moment of this picture I stepped away from something that was bringing me tension and took in beautiful nature and sunset codes with my beloved Kasha and every part of me felt nourished and aligned.

Freedom is found when we take the time to remind every part of ourselves, even the ones that are hard to love, that they always have been and always will be good enough. Even when there’s room to grow, even when there are regrets, even when the future is unknown – they are good enough and more. And the more we see this bigness in ourselves, the more we can see and feel it in others. And from there, the love spreads like wildfire.

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.

A Love Story: Part Five (A Choicepoint)

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By Raianna Shai

This part of my “love story” is more of my own side of things as I was realizing that my spirituality and my 3D life were struggling to coexist. I was in a limbo space around this time trying to be two things at once: human and divine. I could feel how there was still some life left to live and sort out before I could really choose to integrate my connection to the divine.

I had one foot in both worlds and wasn’t able to give my whole heart to either. I felt like I didn’t truly belong in either and that I could never be enough for my relationship or my community. This was the moment when I realized I had to go fully into life in order to live into whatever was left for me there. In that, I chose to take a break from soulfullheart and soon found my way back with more clarity about who I am and what I want than ever.

Today I feel a much deeper union with my both my humanity and divinity and a greater knowing of my soul’s purpose. Everyday is an inch closer to integrating these two parts of my being and feeling more comfortable to express both of them. Sometimes we have to let go into one reality in order to end the suffering of trying to be everything for everyone else. In this choice, we find who we really are.

——————————————————————————

A Love Story: Part Five
A Choicepoint

Why does it feel sometimes like my divine self and human self are at odds? As if I can only experience one of these truths at any one time. There’s a part of me that feels like I have to choose one or the other and when I do, I lose one.

What if I choose the Divine path and lose my self in the process, unable to turn back? What if I choose humanity and forget who I really am and what I’m really capable of? What if I end up living for everyone but myself, constantly choosing what they think is best for me.

I don’t have clarity inside of my heart and soul right now. I don’t have the answers or the ability to go with the flow anymore. I’m at a crossroads in this moment and it’s one of the most uncomfortable places I’ve been in a long time. The nest is prickly but I don’t know where it wants me to go next.

Who am I? What do I really want? How do I want to get to where I need to be? Where do I even need to be? I’m scared of making the wrong choices. I’m scared of every little thing I do coming from the wrong place.

It’s hard to evaluate each thing you feel as if it has the potential to be wrong. I’m in this awkward spot of being able to see when I might regret something but wanting to experience it anyway. Like I haven’t caught up with my own awareness so having the awareness is painful.

I feel as if I need to have clarity and a choice that I just can’t provide right now. So how do I reconcile not knowing what I want and feeling like once I make a choice, I can’t go back?

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

A Love Story: Part Four (Enter At Your Own Risk)

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By Raianna Shai

I finally made it to part four of my love story series! This is a full on post instead of a poem, so I’ll keep this preface short and sweet.

I had a moment last year while trying to rediscover myself and my purpose when I realized that the part of me that I’ve judged and kept protected is actually one of my greatest gifts. I’ve been so held back by fear of my own emotions and what other people may think of me that it’s been so hard to let myself just be honest and real.

Even when I would share my feelings in a relationship, I would try to soften it to not make it sound “too much” or “too unfair”. But I’m finally reaching the point of realizing that risking judgement and blowing up a relationship is worth it when your truth could actually bring you and the other person into something new and meaningful. Yes, truth can hurt and harm others – but so can holding it back. At least the former allows you both the opportunity to show up and grow into new ground.

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A Love Story: Part Four
Enter At Your Own Risk

So much of our lives are spent worrying and fearing what might happen. We close ourselves off knowing we could potentially be hurt if we don’t. We don’t tell people how we feel, we don’t open up our hearts to one another, we don’t commit to something that means a lot to us, we sabotage ourselves in the name of safety, comfort and preservation.

But when I think of all those beautiful moments in life that we’re constantly searching for – have we ever gotten there without risk? Have you ever fallen in love without being vulnerable? Or felt a deep sense of connection with someone without the risk of being rejected or judged? Has there ever been a moment of true and real emotion that hasn’t come with an underlying fear of abandonment?

We try so hard to avoid the mess – the heartbreak, the judgement from others, criticism – but with that, we avoid the bliss.

Something I’ve realized about myself over the last few months is that I am incredibly sensitive and emotional and for maybe the first moment in my life I 100% love that part of me. I’ve spent so long worrying that I would be seen as too much, as pushing people in my life to be someone they’re not in order to match me, as being overly sensitive and insecure. Insecurity can come with sensitivity but so can strength.

When I let myself be me, I have the strength to sit with someone and pour my heart out to them. I have the strength to feel my feelings on full blast without having a wall up to protect myself from others. I have the strength to love with such depth that I genuinely worry I’ll get lost in it.

And sometimes I do. Sometimes I forget how beautiful my heart is and how much it deserves to be loved back just as powerfully. I just want to be seen and felt in all my glory.

Love,
Raianna Shai

~~~

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and website designer for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free consultations and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.