By Raianna Shai
There are so many buried emotions that live within the feminine. So many lifetimes of suppression, persecution and judgement have colored our souls leading us now to either feel small and unworthy or constantly fighting against feeling this way again. Both of these frequencies keep us from being in our full bigness and empowerment as women – and instead allow these pains to keep us from embodying peace and divine love within.
I’ve noticed a theme in the collective lately, even in the last few years of hating men. Ranging from a distaste to true disgust. This always bothered a part of me as I have known so many wonderful and caring men in my life. Yet in a recent process of mine I was looking back on my teenage years and remembered a time that the boys in my high school acted in a way that made the girls feel belittled, judged and truly demeaned as if the only thing we had to offer were our looks. When going back to this time I felt more rage than I have ever felt in my life. It was coursing through my veins to the point of shaking and cursing.
It was a feeling I haven’t allowed myself to feel often in my life, for fear of hurting others or being judged for the intensity of it. But after so many years of this anger being suppressed I finally had a safe enough container inside to let it all out toward this specific memory. What came after was a realization that much of this energy came from the “killer queen” who feels like an archetype that many women have within them to some degree. She has formed from lifetimes of the feminine being treated as lesser than the masculine and not being able to express our gifts. Not even coming close to being cherished and honoured for them.
And yet, we chose this for a reason. We chose to live out and express this feminine/masculine dance and to hopefully heal from it and move into something brand new. I feel the need for humanity to go through this cycle of a pendulum swing from the masculine being in power, to the feminine reclaiming it’s power. Both extremes come at a cost yet I can see the other side of it. What comes next is true collaboration, respect and care between the masculine and feminine. A bond so yearned for and desired that it can’t help but unfold exponentially within each of us and then collectively. I feel this is something all of our souls have been waiting for.
Jelelle led a group call about the inner mother/matriarch that I feel really ties into this theme. As Kasha mentioned in her recent post, the inner mother has had to express as more masculine because of the lack of true masculine support on the outside. In her heart she wants to be able to lean in and discover who she really is as a woman. I feel the more shadowy matriarch energy too in the anger towards the masculine, often drawing more of that wounded masculine energy in her frustration and anger.
As we feel and heal the inner mother/matriarch we begin to understand more of who we are as women and the frequencies we’ve chosen to live in – inside and out. We’ve inherited so much from our birth mothers and mother figures in our lives that getting to know this part of us is key in unlocking what is truly ours to hold. And eventually, we can move through the anger and into a place of forgiveness for self and the masculines we’ve experienced in our lives. Coming back into peace and self love, only to draw more of that on the outside.
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Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.










