Being With Your Inner Masculine As A Woman

by Kalayna Colibri

I wrote a digestion a few days back of the incoming energies really working the wounded masculine – helping us to see it within ourselves, others, the world around us, and in so doing, to help us start to see the emerging Sacred Masculine, which we cannot really start to feel until we can feel what it is NOT first… as always, starting within.

I’ve actually been working with my Inner Masculine for a few years now as part of my process on the SoulFullHeart path. “He” has had many forms – Inner Protector, Gatekeeper (4D protector of your soul, especially your Metasoul Aspects), Inner Father, Inner Punisher, and all in all, my Inner Mate. all in different waves, layers and expressions, all with different names and frequencies too. Nowadays he goes by the name of “Malcolm” and together we are feeling through what feel like some lingering and perhaps finally completing tendrils and ties to 3D reality, which he has held as so dear for so long, and for many valuable reasons.

As a woman, it feels so incredibly important to acknowledge, deeply feel, and profoundly honour the Inner Masculine within, as they are as much a part of what makes up the remaining patriarchal and wounded masculine frequencies and realities in our current world and widespread reality, both within and outside of us. We have as much responsibility to feel these frequencies within as men do… and this world we are experiencing and wanting to deconstruct in order to rebuild into New Earth, is one we, as parts of us, have co-created.

Today I chose to spend a magical and unfolding afternoon with Malcolm, as it was his wish to do this with me… to have some dedicated “us” time where we can feel each other and feel our relationship start to move into higher vibrations together. He waxed metaphysical as we sat in a local (very Mexican, very sweet!) coffee shop and journaled together. I will share our dialogue together, as it offers you a bridge into being with a part of you, and a way in which to be with your own Inner Masculine (as a man or woman!).


Malcolm: I like this place, Kalayna… A/C would be nice, but it’s good…. Coffee is good, new environment is good… can’t get too congested and busy in here because it’s so small, AND they speak English really well! It’s sweet… and it’s nice to not have to hold Spanish with you right now.

Kalayna: Right? And after all that notebook hunting, looking for a small one to fit into a purse, we still ended up with more stuff than will (really) fit in my purse. Hilarious!

M: I know… oh well… I have to get used to letting go of agendas and pictures… or at least any attachment to them.

K: Yes, well, that will come… is here already, actually. You are doing it, little by little.

M: Yes. I’m letting that (and you) in!

I’m sorry I can be such an ass sometimes…
K: It’s OK, Malcolm. That isn’t very common now… you are not an ‘ass’, my friend. You are protective sometimes maybe, but nothing more than that.

M: Thank you… I do feel like I am changing. Sometimes it’s hard to believe how much I can change actually and AM being invited to change, which really in my case means letting go more than anything else.

K: What does ‘letting go’ mean to you?

M: Oof… well, control. Letting go of control or any attempt at it. God, THAT alone causes so much stress, because life IS out of control… YOU are out of control.

K: I am? 🙂

M: Ummmm, well, your growth is, yes! Your destiny is, yes!

K: What do you feel about ‘destiny’, Malcolm?

M: I feel like it is a fixed star always on the horizon. Just, I don’t know, the highest point of your highest timeline… where maybe someone may not get to in one particular timeline, but eventually their soul will get there. OK, I am waxing metaphysical right now!

K: Please go on! I love it!

M: (blushing a little) OK… I will continue.

What if “destiny” isn’t a carrot held by Divine forces, but is instead an inevitability? And what if maybe the destiny, the Grand Destiny, if you will, is really just an ultimate return to love, but with ALL of the growth, changes and trajectories you’ve inhabited left intact. A “return to Source” in a way, but as the mosaic piece you ARE becoming fully carved out and painted in your soul’s unique energies and colours? I get the sense that humans are unique beings because they have and ARE uniqueness… I don’t know. It’s that Conscious Duality piece again, it seems (side note: more on Conscious Duality on our blog, if you’re curious).

K: Yes, wow, that actually opens something up in my heart. Thank you, Malcolm.

M: Yeah… it feels good and purposeful and interesting…. We came from love and unto love we shall return… with significance, not pride or arrogance. Yet significance. And reverence for ALL… wow… Juicy!

K: Sure is! 🙂

M: Thank you for this today, Kalayna.

K: You’re so welcome, Malcolm. More of this to come, sometimes with Gabriel too! 😀 And of course our other beloveds too… with more beloveds to come soon.

M: Yes! I would like that…

K: Me too. 


The pictures accompanying this post are from today! Me at the coffee shop (you can sort of see/feel Malcolm in my field), some goodies well-enjoyed, and the beautiful sun codes we took in together too. 


Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

The INpression Of Our Care-Givers: Feeling And Healing Our Inner Mother and Father


by Gabriel Heartman and Kalayna Colibri

In the process of getting to “Know Thyself”, one actually finds the mirror you stare into splits into multiple lenses from which to truly see what makes you tick. You are many selves within the container of a more holistic integrated being. We live in the dimension of the “separate yet whole”. The minute you left Divine Source and popped out of the womb you landed in the field of “this and that” without totally being aware of it until you had enough time to be taught and to experience the depth of this perception of reality.

You landed in the arms of caregivers that you chose as a soul, to be reflectors of the world you landed in. They were the ones, or the one, that you were meant to learn from about yourself and life, for a particular phase of time until it was time to learn on your own. They are the single greatest imprint into our psyche and heart, next to community and society at large. The way they reacted or didn’t react to you, to themselves, and to the world established an emotive and mental ground inside of you that helped to form your own version of yourself.  Whether in rebellion against or in conforming to.  The relationship with and between each parent or caregiver created a pattern inside of you in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

Over time, this energetic relationship created a space inside of yourself that has informed many decisions in regards to so many aspects of your life.  It is an Inner Mother and Father that forms in your emotional body that carries so much data about your 3D Self and how it has found itself surviving and expressing in the world and in relationship. For women, it can express as a wounded and masculinized matriarch that is protecting the more still and sensitive Yin nature of her essence in order to survive in a still rather patriarchal world. For men, it is the expression of the controlling and aggressive patriarch or the suppression of the more vulnerable and tender parts of them.

Either way, it is a way to feel your own participation in playing out the wounded masculine picture of the world as it still largely is and has been. There is an entire lineage and legacy you carry within you, that doesn’t only begin with your birth family, as of course culture and country have influence too. Your parents learned from their parents and found their way however parts of them felt it was best for them and their own consciousness level. Choosing to feel yourself and how this lives within you by your own choice of whether or not to go into it and heal it, puts you in the seat of immense inner power to move beyond it and influence future generations to do the same.

This Inner Mother and Father can hold influence over many other aspects of your 3D Self, such as your Inner Teenager and Inner Child. They are our own versions of how we took in our caregivers. Beginning a relationship with them internally can lead to a vast new experience of ourselves that we never really knew we had, as we have been unconscious of it to the degree we needed to be in order to keep that relationship intact. If there is no external relationship to your parents, the internal still exists until it is felt as a separate part of you that can foster healing, integrating, and an unanchoring of the 3D Self into higher frequencies.  If there is still a external relationship, there may be a necessary phase of separation from them so that you can fully feel what it is that lies inside that is authentically you and what is the internal manifestation of them. Some parts of you may feel as if you are ‘abandoning’ your family/parents and that this is wrong and contemptible. Yet there is no absolute here or even a vow of ‘forever’ being out of contact with them. The space you take simply allows the truths of the relationship to arise and gives you what you need in order to feel yourself and your parts in who you have been and who you want to become.

Getting to know and feel your Inner Mother and Father will lead you to your own connection to your sovereignty of being that is no longer connected to those who ushered you into this 3D life. It will help to let go of the binds and grinds that have kept your 3D Self in the swirl of this deeply impressionable and sacred relationship. As you become a parent to your inner parents you gain a whole new perspective that integrates all the power and gifts they gave you and leave the rest behind on your growing journey into the lands of your healing heart and ascending soul. Plus, in the name of the exponential service of love, you get to become the new template, piece by piece and part by part, for how the new dance of the masculine and feminine gets to arise in this purging, healing, and shifting world.


Kalayna Colibri and Gabriel Heartman will each write more specifically about the Inner Mother and Father as it relates to the specific genders and how it has informed and affected their personal healing process and relationships. 

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator for women around (and under) the age of 30, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge, soul scribe, and poetess.  

Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at


Healing Our Way To Sacred Romance


There are times when we need love to not be so ¨nice¨ and instead be very direct and real. Matter of fact, true love shuns nice, as that is only a cover to something that is trying to avoid what is real and protects self-image. Love can be compassionate and gentle, but that is not the same as nice. When offered a mirror with direct love and advocacy of self and other, we are able to see what lies unseen and unfelt by our very own heart eyes.

It is an awkward moment and can press on a lot of other buttons that can only serve a shut down. When this reflection is held within a larger container of a desire to grow and let in more love then we can be with that reaction in a way that moves us from closed to open. From fear to more love.

As a man exploring and choosing to inhabit sacred romance, the layers of what holds resistance come to the surface in a way that is no longer avoidable if you no longer want to continue doing the same things that have kept real love from entering your kingdom. We have to be willing to face some hard reflections but how we are with those reflections are what set us in a new direction of openness instead of contraction. It is the old way of how the patriarchal parts of us have related to intimacy. As each one of us chooses to go in and heal that part or parts of us, then we in turn heal the patriarchy itself.

I do not come at this with judgement toward myself or others. That only continues the cycle. I hold this with an open heart and a desire to let go of what has, and no longer does, serve my desire to heal and see my inner King. I am very grateful to the women in my life who have helped me to see this and to the one man I have met that has so boldly gone where most men fear to tread. This is a new day for me as I go forward into the deep waters of what Love was always meant to be like.

Today I AM in a sacred union mateship with another beautiful female soul that has the courage and passion for the same. And THAT is what I have been calling for. Time to let that in and see how much fun can be had beyond what parts have believed is possible.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual teacher, men’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at

Exploring The Internal Wilderness Of Manhood



By Raphael Awen

Manhood itself is the unexplored wilderness that the wild-at-heart man himself is invited into.

Knowing what manhood is, is NOT what qualifies a man to be a man, but rather the willingness to admit that he doesn’t know what it is. Any grasp or attainment on being a man is continually held with an open hand knowing that real men are time and time again called to show up for ‘a something more’, that they have yet to find.

Manhood explorations that are perceived as external to the man in role play-outs such as mate, father, husband, career are really all just external manifestations of what has or hasn’t happened for the man INTERNally. A real man is ever an intern, a beginner, and where it ALL begins for him is his own heart, the source and resource of all that he is.

It’s quite telling that popular male modelling is about ‘not being a sissy’ and putting away your tears. This is actually a male role model of the fear of one’s true manhood power, NOT an expression of it.

The entire patriarchy is about the suppression of the feminine of men inside of themselves, suppressing their own inner feminine, and needing then to manifest externally what’s happening internally. The man is afraid of his own true power, and dressing himself up with a power exterior to cover that.

What actually gives a man the powerful attraction energy dancing between him and a mate, or between him and his world, is finding this duality dance more and more inside of himself. When this inner duality dance between the feminine and the masculine is flatlined, the man loses the vitality of his own inner mating with himself, and that flat line manifests outwardly in his relationships with all of life. He then has to grasp at false male power to compensate.

To really approach manhood is to approach, court and mate with one’s inner feminine, and from there a truly powerful, grounded, irresistible MALENESS ARISES, the true phallus engorged with heart.

Gabriel Heartman and I are leading a group call this Saturday for men, seeking more of themselves. I’d like to invite YOU into YOU, and beginning here in the presence of other men hungry for their own true inner unexplored power!

A choice and a no-minimum donation gets you in the room with others making the same admission…that we are set on showing up for our own more. The event details are here. I hope you decide to join us!

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.Visit for more information about sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our patreon page to make a donation to support our work at

Moving Beyond Mediocre Manhood: Sacred Masculinity Blog Series

By Raphael Awen


Mediocre manhood. Those two words don’t really belong in the same sentence. Sadly though, we can’t escape the reality as it exists today…..or can we?

Escaping mediocre manhood will require awareness of how you are showing up as man, what isn’t working for you, the humility to admit it and the choice to seek something more.

How each of us as men have become the man we are has so much to do with the patterns of manhood that we were shown. These patterns were ingrained into us on so much more than a cognitive level going to the very heart of our being.

The word ‘pattern’ is from the same original word for the words; father; pater; papa and patriarch. Our father is literally our pattern, our ‘patron’ Saint, our admission into the ‘patriarchy’. Each of us as men is running a kind of emotional operating system that came to us via our fathers. Our father got it from his father, and so on and on. It may not be our father, or even a man in the role of our father, but all of us as men received intense male patterning and templating for every boy and man around us.

It is only as the contents of this,…let’s call it our EOS (emotional operating system) become conscious and brought up into our awareness, that we can even begin to move out of mediocrity in our manhood.

Here alone is a big step. Most men have a codependent relationship with all men and especially their fathers whereby they agree not to speak any ‘negativity’ towards their fathers. What this really is, is an agreement to keep the patriarchy intact from generation to generation. Only as you refuse to participate in the insanity will you find any ground to leave the insanity. This means you’re going to have get critical about dad and his pattern as it lives in you. I don’t know how else to say it. You don’t need to be a superiorizing asshole about it, but you can’t escape critique. Your critique will need to be vocal enough to exit the insanity. Being critical beyond that is just cycling in an enmeshed relationship men, dads, and male friends.

Unless you are willing to say no to every man, you can’t actually find your deepest version of your truest manhood. You may not need to say no to every man, but you will need to be willing to say no if your goal is your highest expression of your manhood. You don’t owe your dad a thing, and a healthy self realized dad doesn’t expect a thing in return for his role and years as a father. Actually, the greatest gift a dad can receive from their son is their ‘fuck you dad!’ of individuation, which ideally should come around 18 years old. Now, after this healthy completion of the childhood phase, dad and son can go on to forge a totally new relationship with the old one having truly died and been reborn.

Only now, after this death and rebirth, can new patterns be explored and come to be a part of a new EOS. This is the real initiation into manhood that is not only missing in our culture, but so missing from all of the manhood groups I have encountered this far.

Men want more. It’s in them at their very core. No amount of conditioning can erase that. Conditioning can and does try to manage and suppress this wanting of more which is in itself is a testimony to this essence in a man.

Exploring this ‘more’ will be finding and feeling and healing all the aspects of your EOS that no longer serve your most authentic version of yourself arising. The way this is done in SoulFullHeart is through getting to know the parts of you that makeup your ‘you’ stream. You are far from a single personality. This is probably no more evident than in relation to your masculinity. Our parts can and do respond very differently in different situations. You are not insane. You are multi-dimensional. You have more than one you, several more in fact.

Until you come to discover your parts or subpersonalities, some part of you is posing as you, working so much harder than is healthy to keep your ‘you’ show running uncontrollably on the mediocre default patterns that are in the male collective.

More about the SoulFullHeart Subpersonality Healing Process Here:…

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit for more information.