by Leena Colibri
Though our souls feel drawn to the light and to the most exquisite colours and textures of love imaginable, there can still be a bubbling up of necessary doubts. Necessary in the sense that this is an aspect of us that needs our center to feel, hold and guide it and also, there are plenty of ways in which love actually pushes up these doubts within us, asking us to discern for ourselves what it feels like it is in our lives. Feeling ourselves in this way can really open up a whole other experience of love (and the light of illumination that comes with it) and land it deeper within us. In terms of ascension, we can talk about this as being in 4D consciousness, where there are many questions on our way to our own inner truth and certainty.
Those times of wanting proof, desiring something tangible to land in, looking for a concrete playout of love in our lives and in the world, is something we seem wired up for and it also feels like an invitation to eventually come to a place within ourselves where love can express deeper and more fully, first within us and then outside of us. Sometimes the most incredible and grounded hearts and souls who become spiritual teachers are the ones who have undergone awakenings on many different levels – and I can almost guarantee you that they weren’t afraid to have their doubts along the way.
What is a quest but a journey filled with questions and many different corners to turn and paths to draw and take? Some souls are so big and ancient, that they need those very intense periods of doubt and density in order to find their way through it and into the love polarization again, but this tme, in a much bigger, brighter way than ever before. They are just another expression of love finding its way back to itself through hardships, abuses, and other numerous and often very challenging life circumstances. None of us who are living into embodying ascension are souls who have “had it easy”. Letting this in, we can feel so much more compassion and also reverence for all souls everywhere, no matter what they have chosen. No matter the ways in which timelines shift, we are infinite and we are playing something out for our own growth and the growth of the collective consciousness we are intrinsically connected to.
Doubting is just as sacred as believing. Sometimes these doubts bring us back into the conditioning that many of us were raised with (by culture and birth family), that the more negative outcomes are the ones more real than the positive outcomes. This is also sacred, though that may feel a bit thorny and hard to swallow. For those souls who find it easier to trust that the worst case scenario is always the most likely, that is something that often needs to be walked out and is just as sincere an expression of their power as those souls who choose optimism. There is a thought pattern of “what goes up, must come down” that feels so central to 3D belief systems and is not only about the law of gravity, but also the feeling that being in a higher in vibration and more IN love will ultimately have a big come down and even a crash. There is a way that yes, this has to be true for us at times on our growth paths, as going upward also means coming back down and going inward when necessary, that is, until we don’t need this anymore, which I like to hold that someday will be true for all of us and that for some of us, this is already what’s true! If we can claim that those “crashes”, often signifying some wounding that we need to be with, is just as important as the high of healing, then we offer ourselves and those wounded parts of our hearts and souls a big pillow to land it.
So at the end of the day, as real as “days” are ;), there is nothing to really keep us down and in doubt but ourselves and what we’ve signed up to experience and learn from. In my experience, it feels like as we heal, we can feel more and more a growing center that wants to stay in the more natural “highs” of healing and love flow. If we exclude our doubts from our inner worlds, we could be denying ourselves some healthy discernment and also some more doorways into a deepening experience of what it truly means to be Infinite Love embodied. It seems also, that these doubts can then surface as self-sabotage and more negative play outs if they aren’t felt and negotiated with in the moment. I also feel the Archangels offering me in the moment, that not feeling even these feelings of ours, can actually block them from accessing and truly knowing us, more so than the feelings themselves might! THAT feels like real Divine love to me… a willingness to help us be with what we are feeling and arise with it, rather than bury and rise above it.
You are goodness and love embodied, carving out its way through this world through moment-by-moment choices. Your chosen expression of it is yours alone and every single thing you are feeling through is just as important for your personal growth and ascension as any books you may read or teachers you may lean into. ❤
Leena Colibri is a SoulFullHeart facilitator, energy healer, indigo-crystal bridge and healer, writer, and poetess. Find out more about the SoulFullHeart Way of Life at www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com