I have been on an inner quest this life to feel what authentic emoto-spiritual masculinity truly looks and feels like. It is what I have called Sacred or Divine Masculine for lack of a better term. I feel a part of me as well in this exploration and question. In my essence, my masculinity is just what IS. It has no delineation. In my psyche, it is an archetype that has many colors and flavors. In my experience, it has shades of healing and trauma.
Through my own personal HIStory, I can feel how my 3D self has been on this quest to get his balls back. The ones he gave up so readily to an angry father, too afraid to stand up and fight back. The ones he gave over to mom for protection and valuation. It was holding back authenticity in the name of fear and care-taking. It was the need to forsake sovereignty in the name of unconditional love. But the love was always conditional. On both sides. It was the desire to feel the passion of life and true love unabated.
This quest for reclaiming inner authority, sovereignty, and passion ultimately led to worth. What is a man’s worth in this world? Fused to a more 3D existence it is chock-full of all sorts of ‘this and thats’. Most of which have nothing to do with our own felt sense of inner worth. This is where I was led to seeking love outside of me for assurance and insurance. Insurance against the void and the inner punisher within.
I was not raised religious but found a solace in the idea of a God that had a desire to love me and help fix me. Help feel like I was worth something. This God would be like a father and a mother both to my emotional body. A part of me related to women as a means to feel what I thought it was to be masculine. They were goddesses to my wounded teenager. A ping ponging of the spiritual and the physical without bridging the two.
As a began my inner journey of parts work I could feel the myriad inner aspects of myself that held so much trauma and templating from my family, while feeling rage and compassion both. I could begin to feel what MY masculinity was and wasn’t. I had projected so much of an ideal onto what masculinity was based on my own this-life experience.
Add on top of that exploring metasoul, or other lifetime aspects, and a world of wounded masculine comes into view. What it IS is really not the question anymore but what it is not. And that is always up for experiential debate as I live into a sacred romance inside myself and with a woman on a sacred feminine path.
Thus the quest continues as an unfolding of not something to live up to, as a part of me has always related to it, but of a moment to moment, day to day, conscious meditation into what is arising within the emotional body for expression, and felt exploration. What is being reflected by the feminine within and in relationship. This is personal to each individual, yet also has many similar themes and desires. Beyond our gender healing there is a unification and a sacred dance that feels delicious and magical in what it means to BE in our authentic sacred human expression.
Tomorrow in our SoulFullHeart Group call we will be talking about the sacred union codes being offered up through both the Sun and the Moon. The union of the feminine and the masculine within and in sacred romance. The sacred feminine energy being held by Magdelena and the sacred masculine by Christiel in the meditation Kalayna Colibri and I will be writing together. Go to https://www.facebook.com/events/813881412132524/ for more information.
Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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