Tag: spirituality

Into The Trauma, And Beyond!

Published on by Raianna Shai3 Comments

By Raianna Shai

Much of spirituality and emotional healing is based on the healing of trauma. From this life, other lifetimes, and with galactic connections. This is probably some of the most important work we do in healing our wounding and growing closer to our essence. My recent process, however, has helped me realize that there IS healing that exists beyond the trauma.

In my most recent session I connected with both my inner protector and a new gatekeeper. My inner protector is the part of me that helps get me through daily life. He is the one that can hold very 3D and physical/mental tasks. My gatekeeper, on the other hand, is the guide I can lean into when it comes to opening out my soul connections and gifts.

As I felt my protector first, he was overwhelmed and trying so hard to deepen my process and make it more meaningful. But deepening my healing isn’t his responsibility. I haven’t signed up for much trauma this life and the metasoul healing I’ve done so far has healed almost all of what I have signed up for. So this part’s job has shifted massively from protecting to resting and trusting.

This new gatekeeper, who I am calling Damien, is a much higher frequency and has the key to unlocking the rest of my soul that goes beyond the trauma. He can show me the gifts, the positive experiences, the magical and deep journeys that allow for more love and cohesion between all aspects of myself.

Going through this process has helped me realize that we don’t just have to be here for trauma healing. We can go beyond – deeper into who we want to be and what we want to build for ourselves. We can grow closer and closer to essence until maybe we are even done coming back as human.

In order to get to this place we must trudge through muddy waters, deconstruct all that we have believed to be true about ourselves, love who are parts once were and dream about who we want to be. We must find the worth, do the work and stay in the room with the darkest and most difficult parts of us. But each ounce of love we take in, each connection to the Divine and each step towards forgiveness brings us through our trauma and into the “beyond”.

Beyond self consciousness, beyond fear, beyond anger, beyond anxiety and depression, even beyond much self awareness at all. The “beyond” to me is pure love, essence, passion and service.

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Healing, a healing process and paradigm offering New Gaia Ascension frequencies to transmute trauma into love on emotional/spiritual/physical levels. For more information about free intro calls and 1:1 individual sessions with SoulFullHeart Facilitators, virtual group transmissions, four day gatherings in Victoria, BC, writings/books, and videos, visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com.

 

Love Has Places To Go In You That It Can’t Find Anywhere Else

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

We couldn’t actually know love were it not for what feels like ‘not love’. We couldn’t know break through were it not for resistance. We couldn’t know joy were it not for sorrow.

Both polarities are needed and both are sacred. The Divine itself is living out these discoveries through us. Love has places to go in you, that it can’t find anywhere else.

The name of the game however is to not suffer over what we could relate to as our necessary suffering in this polarity dynamic we find ourselves in. How could we truly give love to all parts of ourselves who are struggling to find their way through the polarity?

Someone who seems naturally buoyant and happy all the time can be about that they ARE actually in a healthy flow state, OR it could be about parts of them using buoyancy like a drug used to not feel other aspects of their inner polarity that is pressing in on them, wanting to be felt. It’s pretty easy to tell genuine joy over this kind of ‘medicative’ happiness.

Another thing that surprises me is that I’ve discovered that genuine spiritual attainments are not necessarily one and the same with genuine joy in love and life. All too often, some genuine spiritual attainment or expanded state of consciousness can be detrimental to a person’s true fulfillment in relationships. So many spiritual seeker type people who’ve been around the block with spiritual teachers can attest to this dynamic in spiritual teachers. Does this mean they are fakes, or does it simply mean they have a lopsided awakening that’s awaiting some further awakening? My sense for all of us is that it’s the latter. We’re all in a never ending evolution.

If that’s true, then there really is a level playing field where our shared common denominator is this reverence for, and humility before, love’s ongoing unfolding – in polarity. We’re all in this together, yet as individuals. One person being ‘ahead’ is only a storehouse placeholder that belongs to all. Your adoration of someone who embodies a true spiritual attainment is actually being afforded a recognition of your future self. You get to download that attainment as you’re ready too, as your system can handle it.

Life – it’s in you to live!

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/sessions

I offer a free intro call for 45 minutes or so to discuss what working in ongoing sessions space with me could look and feel like for you and for where you’re at. There’s more info at the link above. If this interests you, I’d love to hear from you.

Recent Photo above by me! (I so love the fall season of death and rebirth AND I also find that I especially need to feel the parts of me in reaction to the intensity of the death and rebirth season, hence the grounding in nature)

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Playing The Game of Hide and Seek

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

In your seeking and awakening journey, a surprising finding occurs that ripples through your entire being.

You come to realize that not only are you the one with the desire to expand, to grow, to discover, to awaken, but that you are also the one responsible for your hiding and sleeping.

I believe that as a soul journeying through the illusion of time, you hid (past tense) your essence, so that you could rediscover (present tense) this essence and go on to become (future tense) something that you already were and never actually lost.

You can see this dynamic looking at your life journey so far, you can see it when looking at what you know as your soul journey. You can see it when you look at how you are journeying through a single day, or a single moment.

It’s like I’m in the boat, tossed to and fro on the stormy seas, only to realize that this grand tempest is inside of a teapot with none but my own hand on the handle.

But what then would be the purpose of all the dharma, the drama, and the trauma along the way? This is the bigger quest and question we are left with on the other side of this pivotal discovery, that I fear we best not be too quick to satisfy the quest of which with short pat answers lest we fall back asleep.

My deepest suspicion so far in an attempt to respond to this quest is that it has something to do with beginning to feel the edges of an awe and wonder that arises as I cycle in this phasing in and out of this ongoing forgetting and remembering.

Could it be that this is the process whereby infinite love is coming to know itself, through me and my up till now perceived ‘insignificant’ life?

And just how would this infinite love want to come to know itself through such an arrangement?

I believe that infinite love comes to know itself (satisfy its quest) in any moment that you as a conscious being reach out in love to another conscious being. We could call this making love in the truest sense of the phrase, as in how ‘Adam knew Eve’ in the biblical sense. This is love having a ‘from’ and a ‘to’ transaction that it couldn’t have were it not for a forgetting and a remembering. Both are equally necessary and both are equally sacred, and what they make for is something we call process. Love forgot (gave up something) in order to remember (bring back into membership). Love stepped out of itself in order to step back into itself.

And what ‘other’ conscious being would be the best one to reach out to? Your children, your friend, your mate, your siblings, or humanity in general possibly? These are ‘others’ right?

But wait, you’ve skipped over you. You are full of others awaiting your lovemaking. Your Inner Protector has been largely living your life as you in this absence of your now presenting higher self on the scene. You Inner Child who so wants to come back out to re-in-form your world with play awaits your outreach. Your Inner Teenager who wreaks havoc in your world from time to time only wants your attention in exchange for an energy source you’ve truly been missing.

Skipping over these others from within to reach out to the others without would have been deemed selfless up till now. Now, however, we are all seeing the falseness of attempting to give love to an other that we haven’t first given to ourselves – the many selves that live in our psyche and soul consciousness.

You get to make love with yourself. Truly, magically, profoundly. It’s about coming to terms in ongoing process and negotiation with a limitless world. You didn’t come here to awaken in a single moment. You came here to feel process, to feel each moment of the journey.

You have everything you need and the only valid teacher now is the one who helps you realize you need nothing. The phase of our codependence on teachers and belief systems, was necessary, but is now coming to a close for many souls who are at this stage in their process of coming to terms with being infinite love.

The love wants to flow and dance. Let it begin with you.

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/sessions

I’d love to help you find your inner guidance if who I am and what I offer calls to you. The link above will take you to more in-form-ation. 🙂

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@elijahdhiett

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Connecting With The You Who Can Feel You Reacting

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

There’s you having a reaction with no one home to feel you having the reaction. You’ve simply become the reaction without awareness or consciousness of the reaction.

Then there’s you observing the you that’s having a reaction. Conscious awareness is being brought to the reaction. An aware you is showing up to take responsibility. That’s a big step ahead in growth for sure, but it’s also fraught with other reactions of a judgment and shame nature; an Inner Punisher showing up on the scene.

THEN, there’s a you who can feel and bring love and awareness to ALL of these states and phases of your consciousness evolution.

This higher self version of you can feel that you came here to have all of these stages, that you as well as your higher self needed this experience of both forgettance and remembrance. We chose a process of forgoing awareness as well as the entire process of returning to, and reigning in, full awareness.

Your reactions, along with your reactions to your reactivity, all the way to loving each and every one of them and especially the part of you having the experience is what you and I came here for.

Because we are both one and individual at the same time, whatever you figure out for yourself in awakening and remembering process is instantly downloaded into the one mind that we all share and made available more and more to those who are ready for and needing the download codes of what it is we are all growing into. This is where all purpose is sourced in. You get to play with whatever passion purpose expression you want to that is unique to you and part of the great remembering that we all share.

What are the big reactions that are moving through your life now?

Can you bring your awareness to them and feel any judgment reactions to the reactions?

Can you then show up with a curious and open heart to feel it all?

Would you be willing to get to intimately know and feel the parts of you that have lived your life as you up till now?

This is the new awakening in spirituality today. It’s no longer about becoming ‘higher frequency’ without getting to know the part of you pushing for the higher frequency attainment. It’s no longer about attainment, but is more about reverence for the entire process; the fusion stage of simply being your reactions; the stage of dawning awareness of your reactions; the stage of cascading reactions to your awareness of your reactions; and then all the way to revering it all as your sacred path and choice – and in that reverence, setting out to become intimate with it all.

I’m in it. You’re in it. We’re all in it.

If I can help you go into your next choice and awareness points, I’d like to invite you to consider a free intro session to the SoulFullHeart process. If you ask for the free intro session, myself or Gabriel Heartman will send you three simple questions to respond to and a short guided meditation to meet your Inner Protector to engage in, and then from there, we’ll set up a time to have the intro together for 30-45 minutes over Zoom. We’ll spend that time together and then from there, you can decide if you’d like to have regular sessions in ongoing process together.

How does that sound?

******

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Anxiety: A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process

Published on by Raianna Shai2 Comments

By Raianna Shai

A couple of nights ago, I experienced anxiety in a way that I hadn’t in quite a long time. One thing that was very different this time was simply my awareness of it. I never totally realized that I had quite a bit of anxiety in the past. I always thought that because it wasn’t inherently debilitating that I was just an overthinker.

But I feel that this experience is quite prevalent in most of us, and is a mix of different relationships between parts of us.

For myself, it felt like my inner child feeling scared of “getting in trouble”. She wants so badly to love, feel joy and play in the beauty of life. But when things happen in my life that are more “adult” and difficult, my Protector will put her out front so that it’s harder for others to get mad at me. Who really wants to yell at a child?

My Inner Protector also has fear, for getting in trouble means he has somehow failed me. So he tends to try and avoid these situations as much as possible in order to protect my other parts such as my inner child.

Then my Inner Punisher comes into play by judging my Inner Child for getting something wrong in the first place. For he’s constantly looking for things that she could improve. When deep down, he really just judges himself for the way he feels he has to be.

All this to say that no matter how bad my anxiety or depression gets, the biggest thing that gets me through and allows me to grow from the situation is feeling the dynamics going on inside.

It’s different for everyone but what’s the same is that all of our parts ultimately want love and to be heard. So if we take the time and space (if we can) to get to know these parts of ourselves then MAYBE we can begin to draw these feelings and situations less and less.

Here is *sort of* a poem I wrote to illustrate the process I had that night!

————————————-

Tears of hopeless frustration

Feeling lost in a sea of emotion

Stomach tense in fear and expectation

Anxiety takes hold with intense ferocity

Sleep is lost to the silence of the night

Tossing and turning with measured repetition

Then I remember the family inside of me

Waiting to be felt

Waiting to be heard and loved

“What can I do for you, my loves?”

“How can I help?”

“I’m scared and just want to have joy”

Says the little one

“I fear failure, that I put you in danger”

Says the fierce protector

“I don’t like this, and I need to to fix it”

Says the punishing voice

“You are all loved, supported and heard”

I say

“You, little one, need not to worry of things in the adult world. You are the joy and love I need to tell my truth with compassion.”

“You, my loving guard, need not to protect the others. I am here now, to hold the space with intention and strength.”

“You, my precious critic, need not to judge yourself or others. You were needed once before, but now you may rest.”

And with that

The child tucked in

The protector at rest

The punisher soothed

I sleep in peace

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Awakening In The Dream Of Our Lives

Published on by Raphael Awen1 Comment

By Raphael Awen

Parts of me are getting really curious about time travel as well as teleportation. These parts of me, I believe are feeling the imminence of these things opening out into our consciousness. It’s what’s next for us collectively and it’s underway already.

Can you imagine what that will do to national boundaries, or to our consciousness being largely confined to a single planet to call home?

We’ve learned with our current technology to transport our voices as well as images of ourselves to any place on the planet. We’ve also learned through creative visualization to go to and experience another timeline or place with our consciousness. Most of us, however, are yet to bridge these experiences into a physical body relocation into other times future or past, or to another current location.

I’m being told that we are already in a time travel reality as well as a teleportation reality, we’re just somewhat habituated to one place on the dial. We are moving forward through time at a familiar pace. What happens when we learn to reverse the direction? I’ve learned that it’s quite easy to access your Inner Teenager or Inner Child and their reality regardless of what age one is. You find their timeline being and happening in the now. It is a form of time travel I believe to access these parts of you. This brings us how time itself is emanating from the now somehow, so by feeling the now moment that your current, past and future you is emanating from, you are given access to all of those yous. Try writing a letter to your future self and see if you get a response.

Wild, huh? To say the least! Parts of me are admittedly a little bored with the familiar, and so want to grasp the next pieces.

Your physical presence stuck in one location as you and I have become overly familiar with is similar in that you are not a physical being as you’ve thought yourself a physical being. You are a consciousness broadcast that materializes somehow – think holograph.

This all sounds wild to our current conditioning, but when you feel into it, you can feel your heart opening to it. Your desire begins to awaken and a portal is being created.

Another way of seeing these things is that they are all just unfolding phenomena of the one Infinite Creator unfolding in us. You and I are having our own localized experience, timeline and personal history – and that too is a projection or broadcast. The Divine needed the data of all of our individuated soul journeys, including through our present 3D consciousness with what now feels like limitations.

The phenomena of the confining feeling is just as magical as the breaking out of it. The Divine needs all of that data.

And here’s another thing. Do you notice how we all normalize and soon take for granted breakthroughs of consciousness? Cellphones have become quite boring to many of us, even repulsive when we feel enslaved by them, and yet they are a wonder of our current timeline. We joke about people being on or in their phones at a restaurant table instead of with the people they are with, and how true this is. The phone is a portal to take you somewhere other than you are, not a bad thing in and of itself, but something to bring our awareness to, in order to relate to its power and potential in ways that we truly desire instead of resent.

This so shows how what we give our attention (consciousness) to is a portal to that place. Less and less external technology is needed to get us somewhere.

If you really creatively visualize a favorite food, and the perfect setting to have that food in, and the people you’d like to be with or not while having that food, it’s not that difficult to get your mouth to water, right? Yet, no actual food or smell is present, right? But wait! What is food and smell, but a projection dialed up by consciousness? And so here we see the veil thinning between the quantum reality and our conditioned perception of reality.

Who over the age of fourteen hasn’t had a sexual or romantic experience that was purely in their imaginations?

Are you getting this, it’s all in the imagination. The real world is an imagined world, emanating from an imagination. You can interface with it (you actually are right now) through your imagination.

I think this will take some getting used to, yes? If I was able to travel physically anywhere in the universe to any dimension, I’d probably not be here writing about it. You’d likely not hear from me for some time. How helpful (to myself or others) would it actually be to wake up one morning having popped into the reality to be able to time travel or space travel anywhere, anytime, without being gradually attuned to it?

Possibly wading into this reality and it’s wonderworld of experiences is the more self loving approach. Quite possibly, my consciousness needs this ongoing upgrade phase to be able to be with expanded reality so that it isn’t detrimental, but rather helpful.

If you are feeling similar desires for these expansions of consciousness into time and space travel, then you are already in the process of the switchover. You are leaving one reality and entering another, the necessary sacred in between phase where certain things can only be felt and incubated so that when you are fully in the new reality, you’re not as bored or as lonely as you are now.

My god, the worst thing I can think of is that I’m fully awakened to time and space travel, have normalized it into my waking reality, and I’m not in wonder or joy or reverence.

Possibly that’s what the process of awakening is about. Our soul doesn’t want to get any higher in frequency without the ability to truly be in awe and wonder while in that higher frequency.

This then brings up a crucial ‘how to’ if part of you is looking for one to speed up the process. It seems our souls know that the point is the reverence, more than the discovery. Our soul and Metasoul has already discovered it all, it’s not about discovery, it’s about integration.

Your life as you currently know it has all the ground and grounding needed for your greatest leaps forward. The now can only be accessed from the content of what’s in your now, now.

Letting in the wonder of your being as you currently know it is what moves the current into new phases of wonder and integration.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Swapping Out The Handrails Of Your Life

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

To the degree we are willing to feel that everything about our current lifestyle and life content is our own creation, whether conscious or unconscious, whether directly by our choices or indirectly by joining in with the collective choices; this is the degree we are then able to recreate a life of true recreation.

I’ve undergone some major lifestyle and life content changes, but I’m not beyond the place where a part of me no longer chafes at some of the content/lifestyle still in my life.

On a related note, I’ve watched many spiritual teachers gain popularity because of the projection by them or their followers that the leader is somehow beyond this life dilemma. This feels like a co-created bypassing strategy to not feel; an unwillingness to feel this ownership of unpleasant or unwanted lifestyle or life content. If it’s there, it’s safe to assume a part of you very much wanted it or needed it there, regardless of how much another part of you may want to disown it, or honestly change it. Denial plays a huge role in the spiritual teachers or paradigms we are drawn to. It has for me.

To feel what is uncomfortable to feel and see is to see the discomfort as a portal or an entrance into the thing or changes that we long for. We need to become ‘entranced’ at this entrance with all the feelings of what lives there. It’s only energy that is waiting, wanting and needing to be felt. The energy and emotion when it is felt provides the key to enter the change. All it takes is the heart of an ambassador who truly and curiously wants to meet with its counterparts at the furthest reaches of his or her kingdom or queendom.

Now the desired changes are inevitable because where two or more polarities were in a push pull, they are now in synch. The necessary duality has found its way to love.

What is the most uncomfortable thing in your life that feels the hardest to feel; that feels like the most unwanted thing in your life? Can you even think about it long enough to identify it, let alone feel into it? These are your true entrance points of moving from being entrenched to becoming entranced in the new life you are willing to dream of.

Maybe you are willing to start with something smaller. That’s perfect. Feel it all. Journal with it. Hold space for it. Get ready, though, because the equilibrium of your life that relied on a handrail of suffering will need to get used to the new handrail of trusting enduring goodness.

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Questing With Our Questions Into the Quantum

Published on by Raphael Awen3 Comments

By Raphael Awen

In a quantum world of infinite possibilities, why is that we find ourselves all too often seemingly locked into one possibility? Why does that one possibility seem to persist ‘ad infinitum’ – to infinity, without end, with little hope of desired change?

How did infinite possibility get swapped out for infinite impossibility?

Could it be that this has everything to do with parts of ourselves who have so mastered the art of creating the world they actually want, albeit a small, narrow and safe world, while other parts of you so ache to break free of this pattern persistence in your life?

Has one powerful part of your being scripted your life with a scripture of its own, and you are just now awakening to it; through your feelings of confinement, through your desire to break your unquestioning allegiance to this scripture; through your desire to awaken from what feels like the bad dream that another part of you feels your life has become? And to let the chips fall where they may?

And what would you propose to alter this trajectory that you call your life? And which part of you would be in charge of alterations?

Maybe some kind of a more powerful self help kind of agenda is needed, where a campaign of mandating a new world order for yourself is the order of the day? Maybe a trip to the bookstore is in order?

Is there even enough gas in the tank to carry this whole agenda forward? And if there was plenty of gas in the tank, do you actually want to undertake that initiative and see it through to its desired end? Is there another part of you who could care less about this new initiative, and even seek to sabotage it?

If you made it through the gauntlet of all these questions, there’s still more questions. What would the desired end game even be, after you arrived at your envisioned new world, assuming you’d even know when you had in fact arrived there? Being free of an unwanted limiting dynamic in your life is great, but is that enough of a picture of a new life?

If you really did your homework and visualized what your ‘there’ would look and feel like, then the question comes about what would you do following your arrival at this desired place, once your ached and longed for bliss becomes your everyday normalized waking reality?

Maybe, a part of you, unbeknownst to the you that you think of as you has thought through all of these questions quite deeply and silently come to the conclusion that it’s just not worth the effort. Maybe this part of you reasons that a better or best life, somehow without fail, becomes normalized, taken for granted, neglected, and ends up in unfulfillment. Why not settle then for the life we have now, rather than reach for great heights, the great heights of which only to make the fall into despair that much more painful?

I believe life and love are asking us to feel all of these questions that have gone on in us somewhere, but haven’t been made conscious. We haven’t yet consciously been introduced to the parts of us who have scripted and created the life we are presently living, and then from there gone on to dream, negotiate and script a new reality based in the divine play of infinite arising possibility.

Only as we take up this deep quest consciously, with a higher self embodiment of us leading the way and playing host to all the parts of us who have been in conflict, can we sanely take our next steps into life and love, or step out of bed in the morning.

My world wants to be recreated into ongoing recreation – play, where the end game is an ever changing game without limits, where awe, reverence and wonder is a never ending arising reality, only to be overshadowed by one greater.

I believe; even more than believe, I FEEL the Divine, in its curiosity is wanting to create and play this game through you and I, inseparably with itself. We have been invited. The invitation is sitting on our desk.

If you are feeling and conceiving such a possibility, you are like the man Jesus spoke of who happened upon a field that contained a hidden pearl of great price, who went out and sold all that he had to then go and purchase that field.

The field is the quantum field of divine play in infinite possibilities! The field is your life. What are you ready to sell to raise the funds to redeem your life from the one possibility it has slipped into to restore it to the infinite possibilities that you ARE?

Raphael Awen
Soulfullheartwayoflife.Com/sessions

I’d love to help you find and take your next steps into the infinite possibilities of your life. I can’t think of anything more rewarding. Please check out my sessions link above and be in touch when you’re ready.

Photo courtesy of https://unsplash.com/@federize

Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

Navigating The Confluence Of Change

Published on by Gabriel HeartmanLeave a comment
Just now recovering from one of the worst ‘flus’ in a long time. This tends to occur for me when going through lots of life changes at once. I have also recognized that it was at the confluence of the last 9 days, 9 months, and 9 years. Very catalytic and life-changing cycles all ending at one point. BOOOSH!!
 
It felt like I got hit by a Mack truck with symptoms all over the map, head to toe (including the teeth…a part of me needs to say.) I could feel how much my poor body has held this life and clearly in other lives. I have become more aware of it but this particular convergence really highlighted it.
 
I have come across so much darkness and suffering in myself and my soul over these cycles. I have also found more light & love than I ever expected to be privy to in one lifetime. This can be a challenge for the body to integrate in such a short period of time. I experienced myself differently during the past SFH Equinox gathering in a way that I haven’t fully assimilated yet. This brings up its own shadow/fear/excitement response. It needs to come up if I am going to continue to serve Love those I am meant to serve.
 
I saw my power. My gift. My desire to serve others, crossing territory that, in some ways, my soul has spent a millennia in. I felt the uniqueness of myself as a man, however I choose to define that. I have a sacred role. Not out of a duty but as a passion to create bridges into the New. I felt a growing closeness to and love for my feminine that continues to blossom everyday. I don’t know how I could do this without her.
 
I found a feminine star seed that I am just starting to tap into that I feel as a priceless gift to bestow upon me when the time is ripe. There are codes floating all around waiting for their landing pad. This is an exciting new frontier for all of me. The coming together of the Dark codes and the Light codes. They all have a role to play within us.
 
I am releasing a lot of my past relationship with Kalayna which has been a big catalyst for this rumble. So many gifts that I have been mining from the letting go. One being a revived relationship with my inner teenager and feeling his energetic bind with Mom that needed more purging.
 
On the physical level, a big detox of all the drugs, alcohol, and smoke that I consumed up until I started this journey 9 years ago.
 
Thanks for taking this in with me. I needed to unpack this a bit for myself and yet I felt to share as it may serve in its own way. It is both a personal chronicling and a shared experience.
 
We are all in a time of great change. How we are with those changes greatly influence how we move through them and where we land on the other side.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Visit our website to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife/donations.

Moving From Care-taking to Care-giving

Published on by Raphael Awen2 Comments

By Raphael Awen

After raising or changing your frequency, you find and feel old energies present in your relationships that reflect the old you; the old you that doesn’t exist anymore, at least not in the same way, or to the same degree.

A natural tendency is to caretake those friends or family members rather than honestly and integrously bringing your truth, seeing them as kind of ‘grandfathered in’ into your life. Trouble is, grandpa’s dying or maybe even long gone, but you’re stuck with all of his unsorted stuff.

I don’t know of a greater or more effective cap on our growth than this deep rooted conditioning of caretaking.

Seeing to the core of this tendency, we see that the withhold of our truth is actually a withhold of our love; albeit in the name of love. A part of us is defensively caretaking the friend or family member out of fear of loss, out of personal need, rather than heart overflow.

This is why it’s called caretaking – it’s very much ‘on the take’. It’s living out of the absence and lack of love. It’s begging and fighting over scraps and crumbs.

Integrity asks us to be integrated, as in coming from one place, not two. This means purity; of one substance. Here, and only here, as well as magically here, the love that we truly give our selves (parts of us) is the same love; the same in character and kind that we have to give others. Nothing needs to be hidden. Nothing needs to be worked on to preserve the relationship. Relating is real and only real. Real has an energy of its own where the tendency to caretake naturally falls away and diminishes more and more as we integrate.

What truth of yours is wanting to come out into your relationships? What truth have you been disintegrously withholding in the name (and name only) of love? What manifestations of growth is a part of you afraid of while holding onto this shrinking pattern? What stress that is sourced in this hiding have you normalized? What would it feel like to bring your truth?

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Raphael Awen is co-creator, teacher, and facilitator of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life.  Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.