Anxiety: A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process

By Raianna Shai

A couple of nights ago, I experienced anxiety in a way that I hadn’t in quite a long time. One thing that was very different this time was simply my awareness of it. I never totally realized that I had quite a bit of anxiety in the past. I always thought that because it wasn’t inherently debilitating that I was just an overthinker.

But I feel that this experience is quite prevalent in most of us, and is a mix of different relationships between parts of us.

For myself, it felt like my inner child feeling scared of “getting in trouble”. She wants so badly to love, feel joy and play in the beauty of life. But when things happen in my life that are more “adult” and difficult, my Protector will put her out front so that it’s harder for others to get mad at me. Who really wants to yell at a child?

My Inner Protector also has fear, for getting in trouble means he has somehow failed me. So he tends to try and avoid these situations as much as possible in order to protect my other parts such as my inner child.

Then my Inner Punisher comes into play by judging my Inner Child for getting something wrong in the first place. For he’s constantly looking for things that she could improve. When deep down, he really just judges himself for the way he feels he has to be.

All this to say that no matter how bad my anxiety or depression gets, the biggest thing that gets me through and allows me to grow from the situation is feeling the dynamics going on inside.

It’s different for everyone but what’s the same is that all of our parts ultimately want love and to be heard. So if we take the time and space (if we can) to get to know these parts of ourselves then MAYBE we can begin to draw these feelings and situations less and less.

Here is *sort of* a poem I wrote to illustrate the process I had that night!

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Tears of hopeless frustration

Feeling lost in a sea of emotion

Stomach tense in fear and expectation

Anxiety takes hold with intense ferocity

Sleep is lost to the silence of the night

Tossing and turning with measured repetition

Then I remember the family inside of me

Waiting to be felt

Waiting to be heard and loved

“What can I do for you, my loves?”

“How can I help?”

“I’m scared and just want to have joy”

Says the little one

“I fear failure, that I put you in danger”

Says the fierce protector

“I don’t like this, and I need to to fix it”

Says the punishing voice

“You are all loved, supported and heard”

I say

“You, little one, need not to worry of things in the adult world. You are the joy and love I need to tell my truth with compassion.”

“You, my loving guard, need not to protect the others. I am here now, to hold the space with intention and strength.”

“You, my precious critic, need not to judge yourself or others. You were needed once before, but now you may rest.”

And with that

The child tucked in

The protector at rest

The punisher soothed

I sleep in peace

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Feeling In Every Moment Changes Your Life

By Kalayna Colibri

Sometimes there’s more to feel than there is to ‘do’. Actions born of your deepest feeling spaces are the ones most connected to your heart, parts, and self-care. They happen while you take yourself with you in all ways.

It feels so natural to me now to be in any situation in my life and be feeling my parts or Metasoul aspects while doing so. I love taking them all with me. It doesn’t feel crazy or weird to me anymore and it doesn’t feel overwhelming either. In fact, learning to feel myself in this way has helped so much with the overwhelm I used to feel in my daily life.

If you’re someone who identifies with anxiety or depression or anything like it, imagine a reality where you can feel these things as parts of you that need your love and attention. Imagine being in a social situation and feeling the activation of the social anxiety a part of you has, but not feeling like this anxiety IS you and instead is something you understand and are learning to love deeply. What if this anxiety comes because you’ve needed it, parts of you have needed it, as a reason to pull out of less-than-nourishing relationships, even for a brief time to collect yourself?

Having a deep consciousness and awareness of your emotional reality on a soul and heart level opens up whole new worlds of understanding your reality, why you’ve drawn what you’ve drawn, and how to start shifting it into health, balance, and more love within and outside of you too.

There’s an invitation and opportunity to dig in instead of accept what has always felt to simply be ‘true’ about you… and to give something brand new the chance to be birthed. Life and this ongoing Ascension process do not want the ailments, pain, and difficulty to endure or remain. Yet, it’s up to your sovereign choice whether or not you are ready to face and heal the trauma by feeling it deeply and giving it air and room to become something different.

My beloveds and I offer powerful and affordable space-holding if you’d like support to go into this: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart Facilitator for women age 25 and under, energy healer, soul scribe, and poetess.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Current Emotional Fluctuations And Loving Them UP

By Kalayna Colibri

There’s a deep fluctuation moving through… swinging from one pole to another inside. It’s a ‘mood swing’ on one level, but it’s deeper too. There are waves of change upending and creating tension, or more like evoking tension that has already been there for eons. It can feel almost crazy-making, the way these swings happen. One minute there’s a feeling of bliss, then the next there’s irritation, and maybe even rage. All feelings are alchemical. All feelings are data. All feelings give you a roadmap into you.

I’ve been feeling my own ups and downs this past week, as moving through big life changes tends to bring up a lot for me, especially around trust. I feel a deepening trust happening now. I feel how I am being asked to keep going into it all, to keep feeling it all, as even the feelings of distrust bring opportunities to feel more love…

I feel even in this moment how bringing out some anxiety and distrust in the bigger picture and ultimately the Divine helps bridge me back to my heart and soul. I feel from my heart too, how nothing is actually ever up to us. It’s up to love. That’s kind of a rough answer sometimes, isn’t it? Because… why would love want us to move through suffering of any kind? I don’t have an answer exactly… but what I’ve experienced is that even through the suffering, we are always held. Even in those dark moments where we don’t have a clue as to the WHY of anything… we are always loved… and we are always love finding its way. You, even in your suffering, are love finding its way to health again, in all ways.

In fact… sometimes we’ve needed the suffering in order to feel love again. Without having a process of feeling what isn’t love inside of you and in your life and relationships, it’s much harder to feel the deep love that the universe has for you.

So, even if you’re feeling some intense swings between this way to feel and that way to feel, there’s an opening to more love wanting to happen in your being. These edges of tension and also happiness are part of these birth contractions waiting and working to pop you out into a new you. Your sacred humanity is awakening and evolving, even with all of these feelings going on… that, I feel no doubt about. That, I trust, with my entire being. ❤️

Much love!

***

Kalayna Colibri is a SoulFullHeart co-founder, soul scribe, and poetess. Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. Visit our Patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Moving From Anxiety To Trust And Surrender

By Jelelle Awen

movingintotrust
What seems to be UP for healing in this now is the distrust that LIVES in parts of us that really have very little reason to trust life, us, others in relationships, or the Divine. This distrust expresses as anxiety, sometimes so acute as to make it difficult to even BE in life and be social with others. Definitely making it challenging to let in and receive love.
 
Feeling this kind of anxiety is not a ‘disorder’, not something to be medicated with the latest pharma drugs. (same with depression, what is labelled as ‘bipolar’, etc. etc.) This distrust is rooted in the emotional body, the 3D Self aspects such as the Protector who HAD to come in when you were born here and create a shield to protect you from the harsh energies around and surrounding you. This protection was formed, to some degree, out of a distrust that you would actually be safe in 3D if you remained vulnerable, unexposed, innocent, pure…which is highly likely that you wouldn’t have been. This protection couldn’t prevent ALL harm from happening as your soul signed up to grow and to learn. The Protector can feel so guilty about this, like he/she failed you and the precious ones inside you that it feels like it was supposed to protect from all harm. The distrust can come from this place of guilt too. More about the Protector here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts
 
Distrust also stems from existential, soul roots too. Can be deep in the Metasoul timelines and lifetimes where betrayal and persecution and backstabbing are so common. You have Metasoul Aspects that are living these scenarios out in the now (not past at all, not ancient at all.) The energetic karma trauma created from the playouts of this distrust can run deep. It can greatly impact your romantic relationships especially as wounded masculine expressions create ‘no go’ zones related to intimacy, sexuality, and sacred union.
 
The aspect of your Metasoul that is in charge with guarding and keeping the veils in place until there is enough YOU there to handle the remembering is what we call the Gatekeeper. This Metasoul Aspect often has deep layers of distrust in the Divine especially, who it feels has left it, abandoned it, and given it a near impossible mission to protect you (and the other Metasoul aspects) in difficult densities. Even if you feel a trust in the Divine, this Aspect may not at all, which can be interesting to feel how this polarity lives inside. More about the Gatekeeper here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/gatekeepers
 
The Divine Feminine is here to hold space for these masculine aspects to begin to rest. To infuse you with feminine compassion for these energies and what they have so vigilantly DONE and BEEN for you. Inner negotiation opens up as you become ambassador to all these aspects of yourself, supported by the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine too. You become loving witness to their distrust, understanding and feeling the reasons why.
 
Distrust can be moved to trust with love and by love. What previously felt like resistance and fear moves into acceptance and surrender. What was before shut down, now opens UP to receive LOTS more love!
~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more! 

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.