Anxiety: A Peek Into The SoulFullHeart Process

By Raianna Shai

A couple of nights ago, I experienced anxiety in a way that I hadn’t in quite a long time. One thing that was very different this time was simply my awareness of it. I never totally realized that I had quite a bit of anxiety in the past. I always thought that because it wasn’t inherently debilitating that I was just an overthinker.

But I feel that this experience is quite prevalent in most of us, and is a mix of different relationships between parts of us.

For myself, it felt like my inner child feeling scared of “getting in trouble”. She wants so badly to love, feel joy and play in the beauty of life. But when things happen in my life that are more “adult” and difficult, my Protector will put her out front so that it’s harder for others to get mad at me. Who really wants to yell at a child?

My Inner Protector also has fear, for getting in trouble means he has somehow failed me. So he tends to try and avoid these situations as much as possible in order to protect my other parts such as my inner child.

Then my Inner Punisher comes into play by judging my Inner Child for getting something wrong in the first place. For he’s constantly looking for things that she could improve. When deep down, he really just judges himself for the way he feels he has to be.

All this to say that no matter how bad my anxiety or depression gets, the biggest thing that gets me through and allows me to grow from the situation is feeling the dynamics going on inside.

It’s different for everyone but what’s the same is that all of our parts ultimately want love and to be heard. So if we take the time and space (if we can) to get to know these parts of ourselves then MAYBE we can begin to draw these feelings and situations less and less.

Here is *sort of* a poem I wrote to illustrate the process I had that night!

————————————-

Tears of hopeless frustration

Feeling lost in a sea of emotion

Stomach tense in fear and expectation

Anxiety takes hold with intense ferocity

Sleep is lost to the silence of the night

Tossing and turning with measured repetition

Then I remember the family inside of me

Waiting to be felt

Waiting to be heard and loved

“What can I do for you, my loves?”

“How can I help?”

“I’m scared and just want to have joy”

Says the little one

“I fear failure, that I put you in danger”

Says the fierce protector

“I don’t like this, and I need to to fix it”

Says the punishing voice

“You are all loved, supported and heard”

I say

“You, little one, need not to worry of things in the adult world. You are the joy and love I need to tell my truth with compassion.”

“You, my loving guard, need not to protect the others. I am here now, to hold the space with intention and strength.”

“You, my precious critic, need not to judge yourself or others. You were needed once before, but now you may rest.”

And with that

The child tucked in

The protector at rest

The punisher soothed

I sleep in peace

*****

Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and social media maven for SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. Visit  www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, community, etc. Return LOVE in money form: https://www.paypal.me/supportsoulfullheart or visit our Patreon page to become a monthly supporter: https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Gatekeepers, Protectors, and Teenagers, Oh My!

I just got off my first Intro Call with a very multidimensional individual who has had deep feelings of being trapped or stuck in their current situation. They are currently assisting a parent with life circumstances. This can be very challenging if there is an emotional and spiritual dissonance, and a deep empathic sensitivity.

One of the things that I felt was the presence of a Gatekeeper who is very active and present in our awakening whenever they occur. For some, this can mean a widened and deepened view of what is occurring beyond our 5-sense reality. We can be overwhelmed by the power of this sight and felt reality. It is a reflection of how big we really are.

But it can also come with a hefty price tag if/when darker energies make their way into the lightness of being. They are like moths drawn to the flame. This can be all part of a larger karmic playout that can be very difficult to integrate in our human, earthly bodies.

The Gatekeeper can go into protection mode and shut is all down, or severely limit it. This can be really hard to deal with and is why they feel like they are “trapped in these denser frequencies”. That is because they are. They are not meant to do work here in this dimension. They are a 4D energy that is meant to be accessed and related to. They are not meant to do human work. You are.

This energy can also extend itself to our more ‘this life’ parts such as the Inner Child and/or Inner Teenager. They can get very activated through fear and frustration as to what to do with it all. This is where taking some time and space to feel all of these energies through helps to sort out what to address, heal, and integrate.

While this initially seems a bit complicated and overwhelming it is just a map of your inner emotospiritual geography that we get to explore together to unravel the mysteries and heal the cycles of trauma and unworth that lead to self-love, self-awareness, and service to others.

Right now it may feel like a lot, and it is, but with consistency and compassion, these parts of you get to lean into the You that arises out of the sorting out and feeling. It is a journey unlike any other that offers a new way of feeling yourself in this great big world of Heart and Soul you signed up for.

I would be honored to be a co-explorer and reflector for you on that journey. For more information on our free Intro Call and how the SoulFullHeart process can support you in it, click on the link below or you can PM me as well.

Much love to you at this time of our evolution and involution.

*****

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc. 

Intense Unsettledness, Unrest, and Uneasiness Feelings Coming UP To Be Felt And Loved

By Jelelle Awen

Intense unsettled feelings….unrest and uneasiness coming up. These are being catalyzed by the 12/12 to 12/22 SOULstice gateway, which feels to be a powerful one. The schumann/Gaia resonance and SOULar winds are spiking right now, along with a comet that came very close to Gaia yesterday. These energies are contributing to the feelings of uneasiness that may already BE in your emotional body. They are often the Inner Protector, who wants to maintain ‘control’ over life in some way and is struggling to trust the Ascension process. Struggling to trust your soul. Struggling to trust YOU as a growing 4D/5D energy.

This can go deeper too….and is for many souls. The deeper feelings that are emerging out of the previous shadow lands of self and soul can be suicidal, crazy making, and deep despair too. These can be SO challenging to hold space for as life itself feels untrustworthy….existence itself, and the Divine and Star Family feel VERY distant or not real.

I feel this SOULstice gateway is also pushing up this deeper layer of feelings as well. Feeling so often like not wanting to be here, in 3D, in this density, stems from your Star Seed child…..who never felt like they belonged here anyway. They feel disconnected from star family with the necessary veil of amnesia coming in so that they cannot remember the visits with them during your lifetime. Or, they ‘remember’ them as traumatic and fearful abduction experiences that remain undigested. Until you can connect with them directly (if your Protector allows it), their feelings of abandonment, loneliness, unworthiness…. can run very deep.

Also, the Protector/Gatekeeper can feel just ‘done’ with the whole process of Awakening….as challenging as it can be in moments to move from SUCH density of 3D polarized reality into the more porous frequencies of soul. Feeling the despairs/frustrations/exhaustion of this parts of you helps them feel supported, starting to collaborate with you, brings in new energy and focus on the ‘mission’ of awakening.

There is more here about parts/Metasoul aspects and how we feel them in our SoulFullHeart process: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts

There can be an over focusing on the detoxification of the physical body as connected to these energies….yet I feel them mostly working on the emotional body level (as connected to our soul field too.) The body symptoms are so often manifestations of this deeper trauma that needs to be felt.

So much love is available from the Divine Feminine energies of Mother during this gateway, including a full moon on December 22, to provide a holding and support for all this feeling.

Please do ask for support and receive empowerment during this phase if you feel drawn to what we are offering. We are all available for 1:1 sessions over the holidays too. More information about sessions over zoom and in person in Victoria, BC here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/sessions

Here is a mediation to connect with your Protector: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ciJIvrn0xA&t=1170s

Photo by Larm Rmah on Unsplash

Jelelle Awen is a Parts Work/Metasoul & Galactic Aspects/Sacred Union Teacher & Facilitator, and Ascension Guide. She is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life awakening/healing process and community. She has written four books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about galactic activation, bridging and ongoing individual/group sessions over zoom with her and other SoulFullHeart Facilitators with men and women, videos, books, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

 

Ending The Inner Wars: Connecting With Your Protector/Inner Masculine

By Jelelle Awen

The suffering so often comes from the inner polarization, the inner wars between one part of you to another. It can feel as if this suffering is being caused by others outside of you….what they are doing or not doing, how they are behaving or not behaving, what they are giving or not giving. It feels as if the war is happening outside of you and so much calling parts of you to ‘go to battle’ over and over again.
Yet, actually, the wars are happening inside of you and showing up on the outside as a mirror. The wars happen inside because of the templating you received of them in 3D life and what your soul experiences in other lifetime/timelines. The collective 3D culture so wrapped up in defending and battling…….and YOUR intimate cult-ure of birth family engaged in its own battlefields too. What were the warring frequencies that you took in from your parent’s relationship? From the way their masculine and feminine (inside of BOTH of them) related with each other? What did they teach you about fighting, about resisting, about pushing and pulling?
You sponged in this templating as necessary for survival and parts of you formed in response to it. Masculine and feminine polarized parts of you took on ‘roles’ and frequencies of woundedness AND goodnesses too. Parts of you both rejected and accepted your parent’s templating….some of this inherited energy was put in shadow, some was consciously rejected, some was adapted.
The inner dynamic of polarized masculine and feminine leads to SO MUCH of the less than, lack, settling, codependence, and suffering that people experience in relationships and in their lives and in their souls too. It leads to SO MUCH of the patterns and cycles of loneliness/isolation on one end of the spectrum and clinging/overstaying/settling on the other end of it.
I have seen this so many times in sessions with people recently and over the years….and in my own process too. The inner masculine is often waiting in weary vigilance. The Protector (inner masculine) part of you desires for a release to the amped up state of seeing so much as a threat and for so long anticipating or being in battle. He waits to put down the weapons, to take off the armor, to let down his guard. He doesn’t want to be a ‘warrior’ anymore (not for love or light either). He doesn’t want to be the voice of judgement and criticism anymore.
Your Protector wants to be forgiven for ALL that he feels that he has done ‘wrong’ when he wasn’t able to protect you. He has lost the sense of Divine purpose in it ALL, the choices that you make/made on a Higher Self level to experience all that you have. He feels that so much of what you have experienced in this-life and other lifetimes is HIS fault. He is heavy with this fault and the guilt of it…and the shame too. This heaviness anchors him to 3D timelines and other lifetimes/timelines too.
He is the reluctant babysitter to your sensitive, vulnerable feminine, your Inner Child and Inner Teenager. He has so often been disempowered and disconnected from his authentic voice and capacity to set healthy boundaries for these parts of you. Instead, he is caught up in cycles of perpetuator and victimhood and stuck in traumatic, undigested scenes from your childhood unable to actually help feel and heal the parts of you that are still in trauma.
Healing the inner war is about bringing compassionate love to ALL these parts of you. To feel how it has been for your Protector and to be an energy of forgiveness toward him. To listen to his war battle stories and respond when he tells you about other parts of you that need your love. Giving him something to DO that is healthy and active and brings purpose to your life. Being with the younger parts of you so that he doesn’t have to hold them anymore. Being bigger than him in energy so that he can finally rest from being the guard/warrior and become the guide to you that he is meant to BE.
More about the Protector and other parts/Metasoul aspects here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts
Here is a guided meditation to connect with your Inner Protector and begin this empowering negotiation and with this vital part of you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ciJIvrn0xA&t=1170s
This is the moving into frequencies of inner sacred union and balance. This is what leads to the draw of an outer sacred union with a mate of resonant soul/heart/mind/body energies. Experiencing this primarily from INside of yourself as you understand and feel and heal what had become warlike. Bringing ambassadorship and Divine Mother’s love to even the most polarized of frequencies so that you no longer have to draw and experience them with others as a mirror.
Inner transmutation of polarized gender frequencies is a really vital and important aspect of Ascension. This is what the process looks like on an emotional body, intimate level. This is relational Ascension that allows for experiencing a fulfilling and empowered life in ALL areas of life (not just in the ‘spiritual’ area.) This is personal Ascension that also impacts the collective process on a quantum and archetypal level.
This is BEcoming love as you free up all energies inside of you to express as an unified field of the Infinite Love that you ARE!

~

Raphael and I will be talking more about this process of connecting with your Protector during a livestream today at 4:00pm CDT, with the broadcast recording available afterwards on my Jelelle Awen facebook feed and on our SoulFullHeart Experience Youtube Channel.

We support you during 1:1 bridging sessions for $55 USD min. donation with a SoulFullHeart Facilitator to connect with your Protector and heal your inner family: more info here soulfullheartwayoflife.com/bridging-session

~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of four books about Ascension, awakening, and emotional body healing. Jelelle offers a 90 minute one on one bridging session with her over zoom for $55 USD min. donation with women and with other SoulFullHeart Facilitators…more information here. Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about sessions, events, videos, etc. Visit our donations page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings.

 

 

Moving From Anxiety To Trust And Surrender

By Jelelle Awen

movingintotrust
What seems to be UP for healing in this now is the distrust that LIVES in parts of us that really have very little reason to trust life, us, others in relationships, or the Divine. This distrust expresses as anxiety, sometimes so acute as to make it difficult to even BE in life and be social with others. Definitely making it challenging to let in and receive love.
 
Feeling this kind of anxiety is not a ‘disorder’, not something to be medicated with the latest pharma drugs. (same with depression, what is labelled as ‘bipolar’, etc. etc.) This distrust is rooted in the emotional body, the 3D Self aspects such as the Protector who HAD to come in when you were born here and create a shield to protect you from the harsh energies around and surrounding you. This protection was formed, to some degree, out of a distrust that you would actually be safe in 3D if you remained vulnerable, unexposed, innocent, pure…which is highly likely that you wouldn’t have been. This protection couldn’t prevent ALL harm from happening as your soul signed up to grow and to learn. The Protector can feel so guilty about this, like he/she failed you and the precious ones inside you that it feels like it was supposed to protect from all harm. The distrust can come from this place of guilt too. More about the Protector here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/parts
 
Distrust also stems from existential, soul roots too. Can be deep in the Metasoul timelines and lifetimes where betrayal and persecution and backstabbing are so common. You have Metasoul Aspects that are living these scenarios out in the now (not past at all, not ancient at all.) The energetic karma trauma created from the playouts of this distrust can run deep. It can greatly impact your romantic relationships especially as wounded masculine expressions create ‘no go’ zones related to intimacy, sexuality, and sacred union.
 
The aspect of your Metasoul that is in charge with guarding and keeping the veils in place until there is enough YOU there to handle the remembering is what we call the Gatekeeper. This Metasoul Aspect often has deep layers of distrust in the Divine especially, who it feels has left it, abandoned it, and given it a near impossible mission to protect you (and the other Metasoul aspects) in difficult densities. Even if you feel a trust in the Divine, this Aspect may not at all, which can be interesting to feel how this polarity lives inside. More about the Gatekeeper here: soulfullheartwayoflife.com/gatekeepers
 
The Divine Feminine is here to hold space for these masculine aspects to begin to rest. To infuse you with feminine compassion for these energies and what they have so vigilantly DONE and BEEN for you. Inner negotiation opens up as you become ambassador to all these aspects of yourself, supported by the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine too. You become loving witness to their distrust, understanding and feeling the reasons why.
 
Distrust can be moved to trust with love and by love. What previously felt like resistance and fear moves into acceptance and surrender. What was before shut down, now opens UP to receive LOTS more love!
~

Jelelle Awen is Co-creator/Facilitator/Teacher of the SoulFullHeart Way Of Life. She is a Soul Scribe and author of three books about Ascension, Divine Feminine and Masculine, emotional body integration through parts work, quantum healing through Metasoul Aspect connection, sacred union, light body transformation, and much more! 

Visit soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions and a free intro session, group calls, videos, etc. Visit our patreon page to offer a monthly or one time money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.

Conversation With My Spine: Day Three- Feeling And Healing With Compassion

Osteopathic belly massage.


M: Good afternoon, spine. This has been a hard day.

S: Yes. A lot to take stock of. The spasms are a tough one to be with. I can feel the storm of energy that swirl in them. They remind me of solar flares. Interesting that they are in your solar plexus area.

M: I was catching that today. So much of a feeling of powerlessness, lack of control.

S: That feels significant to me. The wounded masculine heartspine is so very focused on control. The arising of the Yin will challenge that control in a very invitational way, but the old Yang can only see it as an opposite control. It is a sad state of lost in translation. One that is aching, no pun intended, to be healed and balanced within you and the collective. Let`s keep it personal today though. I feel that is where you need it the most.

M: Yeah, for sure. After all that has happened to me physically the last 6 months in regards to romance, it is all a clear indicator a part of me has some major resistance to going in. With the others in the past it felt as if I was trying too hard to feel something that just wasn’t there. But even that feels like a resistance too. With Kalayna, it has this potential for amazing heights yet here I am in a state where I can only feel pain and not love flow. It is a convenient way for a part of me to go back into a bubble. Then of course comes some guilt as well which really only serves to widen the space and block the love.

S: This type of romance is so unknown to your soul it feels like Gabriel. That you have many metasoul lives of tragic romance and if this has played out several times between both of your souls then it does make sense why a part of you, your protector, would feel major reservations. It has been easier for many of your aspects just to go solo and never let in the kind of love that can take you to realms forgotten.

M: When I feel my protector, he says that is very true. “Why go in when it only winds up in a tragic ending?” I feel where my heart wants to respond to this, provide the healing space for it, so that it can release and I can offer more of what I know I feel for her and to be able to let in more. In the moment I am feeling this goes the same for my protector’s relationship to the Divine. It has a been an up and down experience for him and I am feeling a more devoted time spent holding him in that.

S: I feel you are speaking to the collective spiritual wounding here as well, Gabriel. It is important for others to feel their own protection against love is also a protection against the Divine.  There is no greater press on our hearts than a romance that is centered on vulnerability and sacred sexuality. Takes you to the doorstep of your own fear and shadowland.

M: I am beginning to feel how this physical manifestation is in response to that. I feel a compassion in my heart around that now, whereas before I was feeling judgement and the fear of the pain itself. This is a portal in new territory that my heart has long “forgotten” or attended to with deep reverence and curiosity. The gift in all of this is arising new for me in the moment and that helps a part of me to rest into it more. Thank you, spine.

S: My pleasure, Gabriel. This is all happening in my backyard, amigo, so I too want to feel it resolve and integrate for you. To inherit all the GOODies you are being invited to let in and embody emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It has been a long time coming for your weathered and worn protector. All protectors for that matter.

M: It is a brave new world for us all, isn’t it? To take all this fear and show up to it with our compassionate and self-loving heart. To be willing to let go of all the things that parts of us have held on so tightly to in order to maintain some smaller version of ourselves that was sacred in its own right. It has actually taken more energy to continue the protection than it does to surrender to the vulnerability of the fear of love itself. I am feeling a new admiration for it all and expanded sense of the nature of my current condition…that it is all energy in a compressed and guarded state.

S: That feels like a big felt awareness toward the road to recovery and integration. The personal process that includes your 3D and 4D selves that also connects to the larger context of the birthing of the sacred human BEing. No simple road to take, yet not one that goes in circles either. It is a hero’s journey you and everyone are on to get to the heart of the heart and the soul of the soul. The challenges are different for all and this just happens to be one that you dialled up to get you there. Feel the sacredness of it all and the healing shall follow.

M: I will take those words with me through my day as I connect and feel the parts within me that need my love. I so appreciate our daily connection, spine. I am wanting to call you another name but I feel it is still important to connect you to what is current with me.

S: That is okay, Gabriel. That will be in time. Though in the moment I like LIghtnin’ Rod Steward.

M: I am almost afraid to ask….but I am going to step in it. What?

S: I am like a lightning rod, man. Moving energy from the heavens the earth below. I am a great alchemizer, brother! A spring-loaded love apparatus stewarding megawatts of joy and creativity, partner.

M: Oh….wow.  I don’t think I have any words right now.

S: That is what I am sayin’.

M: Um….yeah. Let’s chat later….Rod.  Oh, good grief.

Gabriel Heartman is an emoto-spiritual men’s and women’s facilitator, energy healer, writer, poet, and heartist with the SoulFullHeart Way of Life.  Visit https://www.soulfullheartwayoflife.com for more information about space holding sessions, group calls, videos, community, etc.

Visit our patreon page to offer a money donation to support our offerings at https://www.patreon.com/soulfullheart.